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Item Number: Secure Contain Protect -nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine
Object Class: Safe (may be effectively and reliably contained)
Special Containment Procedures: A normal cell, but subject must be rotated between identical cells daily. No unauthorized individuals are to be permitted within the area designated to Secure Contain Protect -nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine. Every single time any person enters a cell, they must tap their feet twice be a person of clearance 2 or higher, tie their shoes in the trucker's hitch, [REDACTED], and be in the cell for no longer than 10 minutes. Subject is to be fed once per day with simple soup in a bowl, due to their extreme difficulty in eating practically anything. Additional containment procedures have been requested by subject in an extremely lengthy paper constituting nearly thousands of pages, but decision is still pending from O5.
Description: (Note that pictures are available but they always turn into byte data stream when attempted to upload)
Subject is of unknown mixture of human and other unidentified creatures, though human DNA is ninety percent within subject. Appears at varying heights, averaged at five feet five, lowest three feet, highest seven feet. Race is also mixed and impossible to determine. States his name is "Wakyxolym Perxoliam [REDACTED DUE TO LENGTH] Hygozmyuolihm" along with several other languages in between, some unidentifiable. In a lengthy interview lasting three hours, it was only ascertained that the subject said their greetings, their name, and their idea of how they were compelled to make everything as complex as possible. Despite efforts on researchers, it is impossible to use numbers to designate this Secure Contain Protect, and only full words. In addition, any D class around Secure Contain Protect nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine go about their daily business with more complexity than usual as well.
Abridged Interview:
Doctor B: Hello, Secure Contain Protect nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine. (When questioned about this, Doctor B seemed unaware that he had said the full name instead of the usual initial)
Subject: Greetings and good day to you. What a good weather we're having. With the great blue clouds in the sky I saw today before I was captured, I could swear it would have been such a wondrous day. Alas, with the… [REDACTED DUE TO LENGTH]
(throughout the one-hour conversation, Doctor B attempts to stop subject but to no avail)
Doctor B: With that set aside, what is your name?
(Subject states his name, which takes 45 minutes to say. He also explains the backstory, which is a shaggy dog story with no true meaning. In total, this takes 90 minutes.)
Doctor B: Can you please explain as shortly possible why you are taking so long? Is this on purpose, SCP nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine?
(Subject visibly struggles as if resisting against an invisible force.)
Subject: Of course, I have a curse that forces me to make everything as complex as possible.
Doctor B: Now wasn't that simple, Secure Contain Protect nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine?
Subject: Ah, the good old days… I remember when I was playing around with the kids, with the little cat, when everything was simple…[REDACTED DUE TO LENGTH]
(subject continues on for a total of 10 hours. Doctor B left after 3 hours in total with subject)
Doctor B: Thank god that was over. That was even worse than the time my wife was in the mall and we bought the clothing. The white dress with swans made with cotton small, reaching down to her ankles, was $11.99 before taxes, and she debated it with the black dress with snake pattern, reaching one centimeter above her ankles costing $12,99 after taxes….*ahem* I digress.
