Per 
Item #: SCP-BMX-XXXX-MegaAlpha1 SCP-XXXX
Object Class: TUBULAR Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX gotta stay in some lame-ass 2x2x2m room. If anyone wanna peep game at all that head warming goodness they gotta only hang around for bout an hour or so, cuz that hats too cool for school for most hommies to handle. You also can't talk or write too much about it either cuz then it gon zap you with some anomalous powers or some s██t. Ain't nobody know how much is "too much" but writin' and rewritn' several files on it oughta do it (thanks a lot btw). Lookin' too much at a pic of XXXX can f██k u up the same
Description: SCP-XXXX is a pimpin' cap that looks like yo every day snapback sept for one diffrence, if someone talks or writes about it for too long they start actin' a fool. Talkin' and behavin' like they a teen from the 90s with overly exadurated slang from the era being used seemingly at random and for no discernible reason or cause…yo. The longer you stay or talk bout it the longer the effect and the longer it take to get away especially if u gotta write a whole file bout it (again thanks.)
Discovery: The Foundation boosted XXXX from the house of some New York nerd professor when the fool was tryina teach bout moral relativism while talkin like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Fool went an lost his job but still kept on talkin like a tool to the point a f██king brain nerd psychologist had to get called. By that time word of Proffesor Whatever-His-Name reached the street and some Foundation agents on the DL desided to check out this fools crib. After searchin' for an hour dudes began actin'all wacky-tobbacky and had to go get theyselves treated by a psych guy too. Finally the some Sherlock Holmes figured out that it was the neon coloured 90s cap that caused all this s██t and quickly boosted that bitch sipped some amnestics into everyone's juice and got docs job back.
Note: Due to its abillity to alter the dialogue of staff and the danger that entails in such a "communication heavy" enviorment as ours and due to its inherent usselessness no further tests are to be carried out on SCP-XXXX. Trying to fight off the effects of XXXX clearly doesn't work as Dr. Manstein's valiant effort to make an article without the use of the words "Tubular" or "Radical prooves. Honestly if it weren't for the fact that it's anomalous abilities can get people fired or make them go crazy from listening to their own voice it wouldn't even be considered an SCP.
P.S. after his writing of the article on SCP-XXXX, Dr. Manstein has been placed on a two week administrative, paid leave. Sorry Hank didn't wanna have to make ya do it but nonna' the other scrubs wanted to do it. Ya powered through it like a Real G though, respect…wait, AW S██T.
- Dr. Sanderson.
Request from Staff: BURN THAT BITCH-ASS HAT!!
- Dr. Manstein, Dr. Sanderson.
Response: Sorry yo, can't do that it just ain't the way we roll, we ain't them bitch-ass GOC nerds
- 05-4.
