Agent Avocado
rating: 0+x

YouTube user CountofCooking's profile picture.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: A Foundation PANOPTES web crawler should monitor the web for possible instances of SCP-XXXX outside YouTube, as well as for anomalous copycat videos. Following Protocol HAMFIST-XXXX, ongoing preventative memetic inoculation is being administered from Site-40.

(Updated 05/07/2017) Protocol HAMFIST-XXXX is discontinued. A Foundation PANOPTES web crawler should monitor the web for re-uploads and possible new instances of SCP-XXXX or anomalous copycat videos. No additional special containment procedures are required as of this time.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an online video series titled "Cooking with Tothgaldabaoth" uploaded by user "CountofCooking" on YouTube.1 SCP-XXXX episodes are released at an irregular schedule: at its most frequent, new SCP-XXXX episodes are uploaded every 3 days, whereas in some months only a single episode is uploaded. The median duration of an episode is 8 minutes.

The subject matter of SCP-XXXX consists of a single male subject cooking with anomalous flesh-like substances. The subject, designated SCP-XXXX-1, wears a black leather mask obscuring his upper face and a plain white chef's apron. The flesh-like substances, collectively designated SCP-XXXX-2, have the appearance of raw mammalian muscle or meat, often dotted with orange and green corpuscular nodules. SCP-XXXX videos show various standard and nonstandard steps in food preparation involving the subject, including moving the flesh from large stone chests to a stone kitchen counter top, cutting the flesh, seasoning, mixing sauces, grilling, sauteing, baking, deep frying, barbecuing, and on at least one occasion, singeing with a candle. Cutting is usually performed with various kitchen knives, but occasionally with what appears to be a ceremonial obsidian blade. Cuts of the flesh-like substance produce a deep black substance with syrup-like consistency which appears to be highly acidic, causing materials that are seemingly plastic to emit smoke and to completely melt within 15 seconds of contact. Both SCP-XXXX-1 and SCP-XXXX-2 appear to be unaffected by direct contact with the black substance, designated SCP-XXXX-3.

Approximately 2.5% of viewers are susceptible to a cognitohazardous effect that accumulates from watching video containing SCP-XXXX-2 for a total duration of at least 20 minutes. This effect is designated SCP-XXXX-4. When an individual affected by SCP-XXXX-4 does not view SCP-XXXX-2 for a period of more than 2.5-3 hours, the individual begins a pattern of self-harm symptoms:

  1. Early stage: scratching
  2. Intermediate stage: violent biting and picking at skin
  3. Late/terminal stage: autosarcophagy and ritual self-sacrifice

Individuals experiencing the early stage symptoms of SCP-XXXX-4 will seek and watch SCP-XXXX if physically accessible. Successful watching of video containing SCP-XXXX-2 during early stage SCP-XXXX-4 temporarily halts and reverts onset of SCP-XXXX-4. It is not currently known how to delay or reverse the later stage symptoms of SCP-XXXX-4. SCP-XXXX-4, once it has affected an individual, has so far been found to be resistant to known amnestic and antimemetic treatments. However, development of SCP-XXXX-4 in affected individuals can be indefinitely delayed by continuously watching SCP-XXXX's videos no less frequently than every 2 hours, except while sleeping. It is unknown what differentiates the 2.5% of individuals who are susceptible to SCP-XXXX-4.

The unknown creators of SCP-XXXX have been designated GoI-1688 with preliminary classification as a New World Sarkic cult. GoI-1688's relationship to known Sarkic cults is unclear. The GoI-1688 investigation is tasked to MTF Theta-27 "Carnivores" in collaboration with Dr. Isaac Jaynes of the Archaeological Anthropology Division.

Addendum XXXX.1: Video Log Transcript

Title: Cooking with Tothgaldabaoth 1 - Toxcatl Special

Date: 17/06/2016



<00:00:02> Howdy folks! I'm your host [unintelligible] and, um, today we're gonna cook up something real special for our extra special first and inaugural episode of Cooking with Tothgaldabaoth!

<00:00:15> Now, um, you may be thinking to yourself, why another cooking show? And the answer is two words: fresh kargoraya! There is no other cooking show in the universe that uses this amazing and divine meat, mm mmmm.

<00:00:34> You know, um, I had some, uh, a lot of doubts about doing a real YouTube channel. I didn't get technology for a long time. You see, my family was kind of like an Amish family, except not Amish, but yeah, we didn't really use any technology or electricity. Yeah, so, here I am, and, uh, I've been on my own for a few years now, and, um, I feel like now I'm ready to do this YouTube thing.

<00:03:14> Now we make a lateral cut along the seam of the kargoraya and let the simurak drain. Mmmm, the smell is so fresh, I'm salivating! SCP-XXXX-3 oozes out of a cut of SCP-XXXX-2 and melts a nearby plastic lid from an open container of sauerkraut.


Addendum XXXX.2: Testing Log

Date: 25/10/2016

Conducted by: Dr. Ryker Pierce

Subject: Male D-class personnel D-141759

Procedure: Subject was placed in a testing room and instructed to watch every SCP-XXXX video on YouTube in increasing chronological order using a test laptop. After subject watched the last released video (dated 17/10/2016), the test laptop was removed from the room; this was designated time T.



<T+3 hours> Subject began to periodically scratch the arms, legs, and neck every 5-10 minutes.

<T+7 hours> Subject complained about being hungry and requested "meat". Research personnel provided subject with a meal consisting of a carnitas special burrito and tortilla chips; utensils were purposefully not provided. Subject took a bite of the burrito but immediately spit it out. Subject complained that the food was "impure" and requested "divine flesh". Subject's request was declined. Subject then began to bite on the tips of the fingers, leaving red bite marks.

<T+8 hours> Subject began to chew on the tongue and dig at the ears, drawing blood.

<T+8.5 hours> Subject began to forcefully bite the toes, severing three.

<T+9 hours> Subject began to bite and consume portions of skin, fat, and muscle from the legs and arms. Subject attempted to bite parts of the abdomen but lacked sufficient flexibility to bend forward.

<T+9.5 hours> Subject successfully bent forward to bite a part of the abdomen, and the subject's legs became limp. Autopsy later revealed subject had broken several vertebrae in the lower spine.

<T+10 hours> Subject dug into the chest, using the fingernails and the severed toes, and exposed the ribs and the enclosed heart. Subject proceeded to snap the ribs upwards, and then to grab the heart with the right hand and to rip the heart from the chest, severing the arteries. Subject shortly perished.


Addendum XXXX.3: Protocol HAMFIST-XXXX

Protocol HAMFIST-XXXX is effective immediately to minimize SCP-XXXX-4 vectors. Because ████ individuals have already been affected by SCP-XXXX-4, and because amnestic and antimemetic treatment after infection have so far been ineffective, the following twofold mitigation has been devised:

  1. Allow continued public distribution of SCP-XXXX via YouTube. Individuals already affected by SCP-XXXX-4 can continue to access SCP-XXXX to indefinitely delay symptoms.
  2. Before each SCP-XXXX video, display an unskippable 5-second ad containing memetic inoculations designed to block cognitive awareness of seeing instances of SCP-XXXX-2. This is sufficient to prevent SCP-XXXX-4 infection in susceptible but unaffected individuals.

Concerns that Protocol HAMFIST-XXXX is too easily nullified by commonplace "ad blocker" technology have been resolved by a special arrangement with YouTube.

Addendum XXXX.X: 04/07/2017 Incident Report

On 04/07/2017, a 6 minute SCP-XXXX video was uploaded to YouTube with the title "Cooking with Tothgaldabaoth Finale - July 4th BBQ Special". The video content was consistent with the subject matter depicted in previous episodes, this time consisting of a time-lapse preparation of a pit barbecue based on SCP-XXXX-2 and the application of an unknown, likely anomalous sauce. However, the audio track was an unrelated voice-over by SCP-XXXX-1.

Title: Cooking with Tothgaldabaoth Finale - July 4th BBQ Special

Date: 04/07/2017



<00:01:49> So yeah, this, uh, ad-pocalypse has, uh, hit us pretty hard over the past few months. We can't share how much money we were making exactly one year ago and how much we're making now, because, uh, we signed a legal agreement with YouTube. But honestly it's gotten pretty bad, and we don't really have a choice but to call it quits. For various reasons it's not easy for us to switch to streaming on Twitch or whatever. So yeah, this is our last episode ever. Final. Our viewers, you guys, you have been tremendous, and without you we wouldn't have a channel to begin with.


Agent Ackermann, on assignment with MTF Theta-27, followed up with an investigation of the YouTube sales desk in charge of SCP-XXXX's account and recovered the original revenue sharing agreement between YouTube and the creators of SCP-XXXX. The agreement as a whole was found to be cognitohazardous and otherwise uninformative.

SCP-XXXX is to be reclassified as Neutralized.