Anticlea Langstrom

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The Cosmic Comptrollers Rippy Fresh And Zig Zag

NOTE: YOU ARE VIEWING AN ARCHIVED ITERATION OF THIS FILE.

This file is a previous iteration of an active document. It has been locked and archived. Any information contained within may be inaccurate or fail to reflect the most recently available data.

— Maria Jones, Director of RAISA

Item#: xxxx

Level2

Containment Class:

keter

Secondary Class:

none

Disruption Class:

keneq

Risk Class:

notice

link to memo

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation personnel embedded in scientific agencies are to discourage research into Styx, if SCP-XXXX's is uncovered the research is to be suppressed and the individuals responsible administered Class-C amnestics.

SCP-XXXX-1 is to be monitored by two (2) level 2 researchers for SCP-XXXX-A, SCP-XXXX-B, SCP-XXXX-C, and SCP-XXXX-D events. SCP-XXXX-1 is be used by the Intelligence Agency for intel gathering purposes. Recordings of SCP-XXXX-1 are available for level 3 researchers.

The real identities of SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B are currently being investigated.

The website www.██████████████████.radio has been blocked by internet service providers world-wide in order to prevent public knowledge of SCP-XXXX-1. The Foundation is working to encourage the growth of radio alternatives such as podcasts and on-demand music streaming services.

SCP-XXXX-A events are self-containing due to their anomalous nature.

During a SCP-XXXX-B event Mobile Task Force Chi-2 ("Trivial Matters") is to attempt to win any anomalous items being offered. Any items won by GoIs are to be listed in SCP-XXXX-B Unconditioned Items Log. Any items won by civilians are to be tracked down and civilians administered Class-C amnestics after an investigation on how they gained knowledge of SCP-XXXX-1, with appropriate follow-up measures to remove their knowledge of SCP-XXXX-1 and ability to access SCP-XXXX-1.

Any SCP-XXXX-C events affecting civilian are to be given Standard Cover Story 739 ("Prank Show"). SCP-XXXX-C events affecting GoIs are not to be acted upon.

During a SCP-XXXX-D-1 event affected radio programs are to be jammed, any media created during a SCP-XXXX-D-2 event is to be incinerated.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a space station orbiting Styx, one of the moons of Pluto. SCP-XXXX is 250 meters x 400 meters x 200 meters. SPC-XXXX uses Thaumic Gateways¹ in order to transmit SCP-XXXX-1. How or when SCP-XXXX began orbiting Styx is currently unknown.

SCP-XXXX-1 is a satellite radio show operating under the title "The Cosmic Comptrollers Rippy Fresh And Zig Zag". SCP-XXXX-1 is formatted in a talk show hosted by SCP-XXXX-2A² and SCP-XXXX-2B³. SCP-XXXX-1 covers news relating to the anomalous community with a focus on GoI-004C ("Church of Maxwellism"), how SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B gain this information is currently unknown. In addition to covering the news, SCP-XXXX-1 features a number of skits between SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B, as well as phone calls from listeners. SCP-XXXX-1 operates on a subscription model, selling it as a yearly subscription on www.██████████████████.radio. SCP-XXXX-1 has been operating since 1979, during which it was grown in popularity among the anomalous community. SCP-XXXX-A to SCP-XXXX-D are events caused by SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B.

SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B are two individuals who have shown to possess a high level of Thaumic abilities, both claiming to have studied at Cailleach's School For Mages in Hy-Brasil.

SCP-XXXX-A events are interviews between SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B and an individual who is either a known public figure by the general public or within the anomalous community. After the interview affected individual forgets the SCP-XXXX-A event having taken place.

SCP-XXXX-B events are trivia contests hosted by SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B, much of the questions have concerned esoteric or anomalous subjects with a item being offered as a prize to those who answer correctly. 80% of the items that have been offered are anomalous. The item being offered has been found in 67% of cases to relate to the subject matter of the question. The description of the items being offered are oftentimes vague. If a subject answers a question correctly the item will be found by the subject within two (2) weeks, the mechanism by which this happens is unknown. Notable SCP-XXXX-B events are included below. See SCP-XXXX-B Event Log for all SCP-XXXX-B events.

Date: 3/22/2008
Question Subject: French Medieval History
Prize Described As: "A tasty treat that gives what you need to kill a dragon."
Prize: A long sword made of chocolate.
Notes: D-353876 was instructed to eat part of the chocolate, D-353876 said that she "felt like had the souls of a thousand warriors inside her." upon farther testing D-353876 was shown to have a skill level similar to a highly trained swordsman.

Date: 8/17/2012
Question Subject: Parageology
Prize Described As: "A gem that's out of this world."
Prize: A ██ carat 13 cm x 6 cm x 6 cm piece of grandidierite with a Hume level of 86, other than the high Hume level, testing has revealed no other anomalous properties.
Notes: Grandidierite is one of the rarest gemstones in existence, an evaluation of the grandidierite estimated its value to be $███,███.

SCP-XXXX-C events are practical jokes carried out by a variety of methods (phone calls and individuals being paid to act on the behalf of SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B being the most common). SCP-XXXX-C events are most likely to affect anomalous individuals or GoIs. Notable SCP-XXXX-C events are included below. See SCP-XXXX-C Event Log for all SCP-XXXX-C events.

Date: 5/12/2014
Target: The Acting Director of the Global Occult Coalition
Practical Joke Type: Phone Call
Incident: The Acting Director of the Global Occult Coalition was expecting a call from the leader of the Servants of the Silicon Nornir, upon answering the phone SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B played Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley.
Reason: [DATA EXPUNGED]
Follow-up: None.

Date: 11/22/1987
Target: The City Of Chicago
Practical Joke Type: Broadcast Signal Hijacking
Incident: See SCP-XXXX-C Event 11/22/1982-3 for full report.
Reason: A reaction to the display of the anart piece The Newspaper in the Milwaukee Anart Under-Museum, SCP-XXXX-2A saying that it was "The same old [EXPLETIVE] that AWCY keeps remaking."
Follow-up: Mass use of amnestics was deemed unnecessary due to no anomalous effects being present, instead investigations into the incident were hindered.

During a SCP-XXXX-D-1 event SCP-XXXX-1 starts broadcasting on an unused FM band within a populated area, these events are called "A taste of the best talk show this side of Jupiter" by SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B. During a SCP-XXXX-D-2 event a number of flyers advertising SCP-XXXX-1 will appear in public areas with a QR code to access www.██████████████████.radio, despite being block by internet service providers world-wide these QR codes still lead to www.██████████████████.radio.

Access Incident Report XXXX-RY-523 [Level 3 Clearance Required]

NOTE: You are currently viewing an outdated iteration (6/17/2017) of this document. To view a more recent revision, click here.

Incident Report XXXX-RY-523 [Level 3 Clearance Required

]

Incident Report XXXX-RY-523
On 6/8/2017 a SAPPHIRE Lodge (GoI-0051) attacked a gathering of Maxwellists (GoI-004C) in Stuttgart, Germany resulting in 14 deaths. On 6/9/2017 SCP-XXXX-2A and SCP-XXXX-2B covered the attack and condemned the actions of SAPPHIRE, this resulted in a phone call from an unidentified SAPPHIRE agent to SCP-XXXX-1 at 12:15 UTC⁴.

SAPPHIRE Agent: You wallow in your ignorance, you mutilate yourself for your non-existent god, your go—

SCP-XXXX-2A: Oh, it's one of you edgy fedora wearers, by WAN you guys suck. I don't wanna hear your stupid rant, you killed good people, why? Just because you were so sad that you didn't get a letter from Hogwarts and now you're pissy at those who did? You're just a bunch of pseudo-intellectuals who go around kidnapping people and defiling corpses. Go back to sucking Richard Dawkins or Sam Harris off, you sad pile of [EXPLETIVE] that barely passes as a human being. You're ju—

At this point the SAPPHIRE Agent begins playing a recording of "Ave Maria"

SCP-XXXX-2B: [EXPLETIVE]! Cut the signal! Cut the sig—

Following this SCP-XXXX stopped transmitting SCP-XXXX-1. 3 minutes after the call the two (2) level researchers (Junior Researcher Gibson and Junior Researcher O'Devlin) monitoring SCP-XXXX-1 at the time began arguing with each other before fighting. Security restrained both Junior Researcher Gibson and Junior Researcher O'Devlin, both did not provide information on the call or the cessation of the transmitting of SCP-XXXX-1, due to this and a containment breach of SCP-4347 1 hour passed before anyone was alerted to the cessation of the broadcast of SCP-XXXX-1. Both Junior Researcher Gibson and Junior Researcher O'Devlin remained uncooperative until both were administered Class A amnestics. See the Site-71-Wing-06-Room-12 Recording for a transcript of the argument. [Non-Meta Note: Need to get this to flow better]

Site-71-Wing-06-Room-12 Recording

Notes: Junior Researcher O'Devlin was raised Catholic, and Junior Researcher Gibson was raised Episcopalian.

---

O'Devlin: Of course you'd think that, you're an Episcopalian.

Gibson: Yeah, well at least we let women becomes priests.

O'Devlin: Hey, tell me, does your religion have more than 1 billion members? No it doesn't.

Gibson: Well at least I don't plaster Mary on everything I own unlike you wi—

At this point O'Devlin punches Gibson

O'Devlin: Don't talk about Mary like that, you cretin.

At 13:15 UTC, a Foundation agent embedded within the British Occult Service⁵ (GoI-011-64) sent the following document to the Foundation.

Recovered British Occult Service Document

ROYAL OCCULT SERVICE MI666 Timeline Of The June 9th Incident

12:20 UTC: TRIAD⁶-TOLKIEN reports that fighting had broken out in Blackchapel⁷ between a gathering of Knights Of The Holy Order of the Most Venerable Ferret⁸ and The Choir Witches Of Blackchapel.

12:23 UTC: TRIAD-WESTBURY reports that a number of fights had broken out throughout Under Hunslet⁹, reporting possible anomalous causes.

12:30 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends order to TRIAD-DICKENS and TRIAD-PRATCHETT to deploy to Under Hunslet to assist TRIAD-WESTBURY. LIGHTHOUSE sends orders TRIAD-SHELLEY and TRIAD-LEWIS to deploy to Blackchapel to assist TRIAD-TOLKIEN.

12:35 UTC: TRIAD-DICKENS and TRIAD-PRATCHETT arrive at Under Hunslet. TRIAD-SHELLEY and TRIAD-LEWIS arrive at Blackchapel.

12:36 UTC: TRIAD-DOYLE reports mass fighting in Eidyn¹⁰, with fighting occurring between members of the Church of the Broken God, the Australian Church of Australia, the Grotto of Gangrenous God, and the Keepers of Greyfriars Bobby.

12:40 UTC: TRIAD-WESTBURY reports that an audio memetic agent is responsible for the fighting, requests LIGHTHOUSE to send a TORCH¹¹ unit and a TOWER¹² unit. LIGHTHOUSE classifies memetic agent as UTE-6183-Vinyl.

12:42 UTC: TRIAD-TOLKIEN report that The Choir Witches Of Blackchapel have started singing.

12:43 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TRIAD-SPARKS and TRIAD-STEVENSON to deploy to Eidyn to assist TRIAD-DOYLE.

12:45 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TORCH-DARWIN and TOWER-JAGGER to deploy to Blackchapel. LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TORCH-FARADAY and TOWER-YORKE to deploy to Under Hunslet. LIGHTHOUSE sends order to TORCH-FLEMING and TOWER-PROCLAIMERS to deploy to Eidyn.

12:47 UTC: TRIAD-SHELLEY and TRIAD-LEWIS report that TRIAD-TOLKIEN has been affected by UTE-6183-Vinyl.

12:49 UTC: TRIAD-WESTBURY reports that UTE-6183-Vinyl is being broadcast throughout Under Hunslet, requests complete quarantine of Under Hunslet.

12:50 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TRIAD-SPARKS and TRIAD-STEVENSON to withdraw and set up a quarantine of Eidyn. LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TORCH-DARWIN and TOWER-JAGGER to set up a quarantine of Blackchapel. LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TORCH-FARADAY and TOWER-YORKE to set up a quarantine of Under Hunslet. LIGHTHOUSE sends order to TORCH-FLEMING and TOWER-PROCLAIMERS to be placed on standby.

12:52 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TRIAD-THOMAS in Tylwyth Teg Abertawe¹³ to be on standby, no response.

12:53 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TRIAD-CUTLER in Lower Glasgow¹⁴ to be on standby, no response.

12:54 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends request to GOC for reinforcements. LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to all TRIADs, TORCHs, and TOWERs to be on High Alert.

12:55 UTC: TRIAD-CARROLL intercepts a group of Broken Church members attempting to broadcast UTE-6183-Vinyl in Cambridge. LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TRIAD-AUSTEN to set up a quarantine of Tylwyth Teg Abertawe. LIGHTHOUSE sends orders to TRIAD-SHAKESPEARE to set up a quarantine of Lower Glasgow.

12:56 UTC: GOC responses, GOC can't send reinforcements, reporting mass riots throughout every anomalous enclave.

13:01 UTC: LIGHTHOUSE sends request to CAMELOT for deployment of BLACKWOOD¹⁵.

13:10 UTC: CAMELOT authorizes deployment of BLACKWOOD.

13:11 UTC: BLACKWOOD-LANCELOT deployed to Blackchapel. BLACKWOOD-GAWAIN deployed to Under Hunslet. BLACKWOOD-GALAHAD deployed to Eidyn. BLACKWOOD-PERCIVAL deployed to Tylwyth Teg Abertawe. BLACKWOOD-MERLIN deployed to Lower Glasgow.

At 14:00 UTC parsons.aic sent its daily summary of Void to the Foundation.

Recovered Void documents

Note: All timestamps have been edited to UTC to make reading easier.

Oracle Of Funktown
⁂alexdelphi


of course id get a prophecy about fucking norro wilson but not about everyone fighting in #soho

• ECHOES 167
• HUMS 638

12:36 - 9 June 2017

Bone Conqueror
⁂givemeyourbones


ALL THESE PEOPLE FIGHTING, WHAT FOR? RELIGION? FOOLS, FIGHT FOR BONES! #BONES #PORTLANDS

• ECHOES 873
• HUMS 1.3k

12:47 - 9 June 2017

COTSH Portlands
⁂cotsh.portlands


If you are in #Portlands and need a place to hide from the riots, come to the COTSH at the corner of Cool and Vriska.

• ECHOES 1.3k
• HUMS 1.5k

13:13 - 9 June 2017

Asher Harris
⁂asher-harris27


Thank you ⁂cotsh.blackchapel and the Blackchapel Black Treacle Association for helping plugging up all the air sirens playing that annoying song.

• ECHOES 37
• HUMS 65

13:23 UTC - 9 June 2017

At 13:36 UTC MTF █████-█ agent T. McElroy received the following text message:

Text Message transcript

Unknown: u're with the buzzkills, right?

Unknown: oh yeah u follks dont like being called that. buzzkills, jailors, scp dudes, whatever. look, u need my help. you prob seen a bunch of peeps beating each otjer up, right? ok, those weirdos who call themselves the gem whatevers, they blasted something on the radio, makes religious folk go crazy and beat up other religious folk up. anyway, i got something to help y'all and u can stop all this, a favor so yall dont screw with something of mine. heres the files with the info, dont worry, wont kill u, can send it to ur lab nerds if u want. also here's tje personal #s for the cosmic comptrollers dudes, ███ ███-████, ███ ███-████, u need them - δρακων κολχικος
files: singularity-1843.zip, cream-whiteroom-remix.mp3

Attempts to trace the text messages have all failed and the user has not responded to any messages sent. Upon examination the files within singularity-1843.zip were found to be non-memtic and the mp3 file was found to be a counter meme

singularity-1843.zip

Singularity 1843

cosmic-comptrollers-info.pdf

Information On The "Cosmic Comptrollers"

By Pendeloque-Cut ZIRCON Bourcier

---

FOREWORD

---

Since the advent of radio there have been hoaxers who have used the medium in order to spread falsehoods. To see radio used to misinform and as a platform for zealots is no surprise.

Today, I have the displeasure of presenting a duo of hoaxers who use the art of radio for their primitive beliefs.

---

ASSESSMENT

---

The show is a rather crude display, the hosts are best described as "shock jocks" who believe the highest form of humor to be crank calls. The hosts perform sketches mocking anyone who has the misfortune of appearing on that day's news. Another thing of note is that the hosts are a source of Singularities, polluting the world with nonsense.

---

HISTORY

---

The show first started broadcasting in 1979 and has continued since. The hosts call themselves "Rippy Fresh" and "Zig Zag" and has since their debut continued to make fools of themselves as their names would suggest. They have claimed responsibility for causing The English Patient to win Best Picture in 1996, causing the Y2K panic, creating the SCA virus in 1987, all claims which are laughable.

---

THE DEBUNKING

---

It does not take much to debunk the "Cosmic Comptrollers", they profess a belief in an illusion and harm themselves for their god. They make outrageous claims which are easy to dispel. Their claim that they broadcast from a moon around Pluto is nonsense, even if they somehow managed to reach Pluto, it takes more than 4 hours for radio signals to reach Earth. The claims of flyers suddenly appearing can be chalked up to people not paying attention and rushing to a conclusion.

sapphire-emails.txt

From: moc.erihppas|reiverc.evatsug#moc.erihppas|reiverc.evatsug
To: moc.erihppas|uaensiod.tuabiht#moc.erihppas|uaensiod.tuabiht
Sent: 10:37 AM, May 24, 2017
Subject: Singularity 1843 and an idea

---

Thibaut,
One of my EMERALDs recently told me about how Sin 1843, despite being crude and low-brow enjoys a large number of listeners, especially of those with irrational beliefs. Now this sparked an idea within me, if you remember in 2013 in Poland, a number of RUBIES encountered a women claiming to be a witch who said that she could sing any song that would lead men to their doom. It occurred that your SPIRALs could take this principle and create something to show to the world the violence that all religions hold. A simple song that your SPIRALs create could take the little issues that every religious person holds towards others and bring them to the surface. Using Sin 1843 we could broadcast this little song to every listener of Sin 1843 and show them the errors of their ways.
Sincerely Gustave

Title 2

More text in another tab! You can add lots of tabs.

Title 3

More text in another tab! You can add lots of tabs.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:3C236_Hubble.jpg

http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4028
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4475
http://www.scp-wiki.net/ute-1919-discofather

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Arthur-Pyle_Sir_Gawaine_the_Son_of_Lot,_King_of_Orkney.JPG

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Transgender_Pride_flag.svg

http://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/second-hytoth-hub/second_hytoth_logo2.png

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:ECB_Hazard_Symbol_T.svg

Footnotes

1. Thaumic Gateways are devices that use thaumaturgic technology and rituals to create a small stable portal, commonly called "Ways" in the anomalous community. Thaumic Gateways enables instant communication and transportation. For more information on Thaumic Gateways see: Sommer, Rie, "An Intro To Thaumic Gateways And Their Proper Usage With The Honorably Heks Sommer" SCP Foundation Journal of Thaumaturgical Engineering (2013): 47–73.

2. Formally PoI-42178, SCP-XXXX-2A uses the name "Rippy Fresh".

3. Formally PoI-42179, SCP-XXXX-2B uses the name "Zig Zag.

4. Coordinated Universal Time.

5. Also known as MI666, the BOS is a member of the Council of 108 of the Global Occult Coalition (GoI-011), previously known as MI18 before being merged into MI6 and becoming a subdivision of MI6.

6. TRIAD is a MI666 team of three people, usually a para-academic specialist, a combat expert, and a thaumatologist.

7. Blackchapel is an anomalous enclave located within its own pocket universe, accessible via Thaumic Gateways in the London area and under the purview of MI666.

8. GoI-8437

9. Under Hunslet is an anomalous enclave located 4 kilometers under Leeds, accessible via Thaumic Gateways in the Leeds area and under the purview of MI666.

10. Eidyn is an anomalous enclave located within its own pocket universe, accessible via Thaumic Gateways in the Edinburgh area and under the purview of MI666.

11. TORCH is a team of various para-academic and containment specialists.

12. TOWER is a team of combat experts.

13. Tylwyth Teg Abertawe is an anomalous enclave located within its own pocket universe, accessible via Thaumic Gateways in the Swansea, Wales area and the Hy-Brasil area and under the purview of MI666.

14. Lower Glasgow is an anomalous enclave located 6 kilometers under Glasgow, Scotland, accessible via Thaumic Gateways in Glasgow, Scotland and Glasgow, Kentucky and under the purview of MI666 and the UIU.

15. BLACKWOOD is [DATA EXPUNGED].