Magic Beans

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a sealed safe in Dr. C███’s office. Access to the safe requires at least Level 3 clearance.

Instances of SCP-XXXX-1, when not in use, are to be kept inside of SCP-XXXX.

Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 are only to be watered in a locked room with little to no sunlight. Additionally, once instances of SCP-XXXX-1 have completed the growth cycle and become instances of SCP-XXXX-2, they are to remain in the same room, and to be guarded at all times by security personnel with at least Level 3 clearance.

Instances of SCP-XXXX-3 are to be separated and individually kept in sealed transparent bags made of plastic. These bags are then to be stored in the files corresponding to the individuals placed in instances of SCP-XXXX-2. These files are then to be locked in a filing cabinet in Dr C███’s office. Access to the filing cabinet requires at least Level 4 clearance.

Instances of SCP-XXXX-5 are to be locked in individual safes, access to which requires at least Level 3 clearance.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a █████ brand tin full of what initially appear to be coffee beans. The tin appears to be made of an as yet unidentified metal alloy, and is resistant to heat upwards of 136 degrees Celsius. It also bears a remarkable resistance to blunt force trauma, but has been dented by bullets fired from standard small arms and ballistics. The anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX appear when the beans (henceforth SCP-XXXX-1) come into direct physical contact with water.

Upon coming into contact with water, instances of SCP-XXXX-1 will begin to sprout small green shoots, which over the course of a 3 hour period will grow into a fully developed plant (henceforth SCP-XXXX-2). The fully developed plant takes on the appearance of a traditional wooden coffin, with a nameplate that appears to be made of an unidentified metal in the centre. The largest recorded instance of SCP-XXXX-2 measured 236cm in length, and 97cm in width. The wooden material that seems to compose the main body of instances of SCP-XXXX-3 has also not yet been identified, with further experimentation pending approval.

The nameplate portion of instances of SCP-XXXX-2, once growth is complete, will bear the full name of an individual who has recently died, followed by the date, time and location of the individual’s death. Individuals whose deaths have been predicted by instances of SCP-XXXX-2 have always been recorded as dying a maximum of 1 hour and 40 minutes before the growth cycle of SCP-XXXX-2 is complete. Additionally, all recovered instances of corpses belonging to individuals whose deaths were recorded by SCP-XXXX-2 have fit comfortably in the coffin portion of the plant.

Upon placing the corpse of the named individual into the coffin portion of SCP-XXXX-2, the fully grown plant will quickly begin shrinking, and over the course of a 2 hour period, will have completely reverted to the size and appearance of SCP-XXXX-1, but will have changed colour. Further research into individuals whose deaths were recorded by SCP-XXXX-2 has revealed that the colour of the newly formed bean (henceforth SCP-XXXX-3) is completely identical to the favourite colour of the individual consumed by SCP-XXXX-2. Additionally, instances of SCP-XXXX-3 have proved entirely unreactive to experimentation, and appear to be completely fireproof, bulletproof, and waterproof.

The range of SCP-XXXX-2’s knowledge appears to be global, as instances have recorded deaths in several countries, as well as the deaths of several foundation personnel. The only shortcoming of SCP-XXXX-2 is that instances have never recorded the cause of death, but what knowledge instances do record has not yet been proven incorrect.

The container classed as SCO-XXXX has yet to run out of instances of SCP-XXXX-1, despite continuous experimentation. Upon attempting to pour out the entire contents of SCP-XXXX, one D-Class noted that “the supply of beans just kept on going”, even after pouring for an uninterrupted period of 10 minutes. Additionally, all instances of SCP-XXXX-1 that have not come into contact with water always appear to be able to fit back into SCP-XXXX, despite its consistently full appearance. The internal dimensions of SCP-XXXX have not yet been determined, due to the apparent impossibility of ever emptying the container.

Experimentation has not yet yielded a way to control whose death SCP-XXXX-2 records, not a way to cause any notable reaction from SCP-XXXX-3. SCP-XXXX-1, however has not yet shown any deviation from its usual growth pattern and transition into SCP-XXXX-2.

An attempt to grow an instance of SCP-XXXX-2 using SCP-124 resulted in a large olive coloured vine sprouting from the instance of SCP-XXXX-1 that was planted, reaching 4.36 metres in height. The vine (henceforth SCP-XXXX-4) grew to this height in a matter of minutes, and several round bulbs were present, evenly spaced on the length of SCP-XXXX-4. A few minutes after SCP-XXXX-4 had reached its full height, the bulbs opened, revealing 9 tins of coffee, each of which bore a different branding than SCP-XXXX. The tins (henceforth SCP-XXXX-5) are almost identical to SCP-XXXX, with the only noticeable difference being the length of the beans. It should be noted that all instances of SCP-XXXX-5 appear similarly able to remain constantly full.

Upon introducing the beans from each instance of SCP-XXXX-5 to water, the only noticeable effect was a slight buzzing noise and a slow bubbling in the water. Dr. C███ suggested attempting to “make an actual coffee with the things”, and that “running them through 914 or 294” might yield a more notable result, and was granted clearance to carry out further experimentation.

+ SCP-XXXX-5 Experiment Logs

Addendum: 9/7 Dr. C███ Test Log

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5A

Output: 1 cup of a golden brown coloured liquid, identified by Dr. C███ as his regular order at █████. Several D-Class personnel also described drinks produced by SCP-XXXX-5A as the drinks they consumed the most frequently, implying that it is able to gather information somehow. Further tests are scheduled.

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5B

Output: 1 cup of a greenish-blue liquid, later identified as sea water. The cup also contained small strands of macroalgae, as well as a single Litopenaeus vannamei.

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5C

Output: 1 cup full of pink petals, later identified as belonging to Rosa gallica.

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5D

Output: 1 cup full of a clear, thick liquid, identified as saliva belonging to Equus asinus.

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5E

Output: 1 cup of a yellowish liquid, later identified as peanut oil.

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5F

Output: 1 cup of a tasteless, colourless liquid. When consumed by several D-Class personnel, each individual reported a momentary sense of feeling “as if they had died, but were still awake”. Upon further experimentation, researchers noted no change in vital signs or brain activity, although the D-Class personnel appeared notably depressed for a few days after consumption..

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5G

Output: 1 cup of water, which remained in a liquid state for approximately 10 seconds, until freezing completely. The resultant ice, when crushed and added to various drinks, reportedly makes them taste “very refreshing”.

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5H

Output: 1 cup of hazelnut cappuccino. The cappuccino produced by SCP-XXXX-5H always bears some form of foam art, and when ordered by several D-Class personnel, each individual noted that their drink’s foam art depicted a misspelling of their name. How SCP-XXXX-5H gathers this information is unknown, as is the reason for the poor writing.

Process Used: ███████ Brand Coffee Machine

Input: █ beans from SCP-XXXX-5I

Output: 1 cup of black coffee, which, when placed on any flat surface, develops a single bubble on the surface of the drink. Upon further investigation, Dr. C███ noted that the bubble gravitates to whichever edge of the cup is closest to magnetic north, with the compass effect lasting for 1 hour and 26 minutes, at which point the bubble pops, and the drink goes cold. It seems that for as long as the bubble is present, the drink retains its heat.

Addendum: 10/7 Dr. C███ Test Log

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5A

Output: 6g of a fine chocolate coloured powder, which, when consumed by several D-Class personnel, was noted to taste of black coffee.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5A

Output: 12 coffee beans. Testing revealed no anomalous effects or properties.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5A

Output: 1 bottle of ███ brand whiskey.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5A

Output: A cup of emerald coloured liquid, which appeared to be shimmering. When consumed by several D-Class personnel, they noted an overwhelming sensation of contentment, and upon being interviewed a week later, each individual noted that they had had only pleasant dreams every night since consumption. Testing with this liquid is still ongoing.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5A

Output: A 30cm bar of an unidentified brown metal. When held by various D-Class personnel, they reported a great sense of euphoria, and noted both the taste and smell of chocolate, with some individuals going as far as licking the bar, claiming it was “delicious”.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5B

Output: 60g of coarse, brown sand, carbon dated to the Mesozoic era.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5B

Output: A single polaroid photo of a lake, measuring 3.108 by 3.024 inches. Further investigation has revealed that the photo depicts Lake Simcoe, Ontario.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5B

Output: A large glass bowl, filled with water and containing a single adult Salmo salar.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5B

Output: An ornately decorated china plate, upon which was a selection of sushi, consisting of 2 maki rolls, 2 nigiri and 2 sashimi. A D-Class individual, when instructed to consume the sushi, remarked that it was “the best he’d ever tasted”, and asked if it was possible to have some more.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5B

Output: A large roll of canvas. Unfurling the canvas revealed a perfect likeness of Boticelli’s The Birth of Venus, measuring 1.72 by 2.78 metres. The pigment on the canvas had notably not yet dried, implying that it had been painted recently. However, carbon dating placed the time of creation at the mid 1480s.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5C

Output: A large pile of compost, containing large quantities of loam and rotten vegetables. Several earthworms were found within the pile, and according to a site biologist, appeared to be thriving.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5C

Output: A single leaf, identified as belonging to a Salix alba.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5C

Output: A small ziploc bag containing 2g of marijuana. After being instructed to smoke the marijuana, a D-Class individual remarked that it had given her “a very pleasant high”, and requested to keep the remaining amount.

Request approved - Dr C███

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5C

Output: A copy of Animal Crossing: New Leaf for the Nintendo 3DS. No anomalous properties have yet been observed, although Dr C███ has insisted upon carrying out extensive testing in their own time.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5C

Output: A single instance of SCP-504.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5D

Output: A single adult Tabanus sulcifrons.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5D

Output: A single jar of horseradish with no visible branding.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5D

Output: 1 cup of saliva belonging to Equus ferus caballus.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5D

Output: A DVD box-set of Season 1 of BoJack Horseman.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5D

Output: A large manuscript of Peter Shaffer’s Equus. The manuscript is much larger than a standard copy of Equus, and further inspection revealed that this copy of the play has been annotated with several paragraphs, claiming to be director’s notes. The notes are written in several different languages, colours and styles, and new notes are added daily. The going theory is that this copy of Equus contains the notes of every director to stage a performance of the show. Additionally, the cover appears to have been autographed by Daniel Radcliffe, who starred in a Broadway run of the show circa 2007.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5E

Output: A single grain of charred popcorn. It appears to have been cooked for too long, and has been described as smelling unpleasant by several researchers and D-Class personnel.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5E

Output: 1 plastic water bottle filled with a substance identified as hexane.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5E

Output: A single polaroid photo of SCP-173, measuring 3.108 by 3.024 inches.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5E

Output: A 40oz jar of ████ brand smooth peanut butter.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5E

Output: A signed copy of A Platter of Figs and Other Recipes by David Tanis.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5F

Output: Several sheets of paper, which appeared to be torn, and scorched at the edges. Investigation of these pages revealed them to belong to Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale. The origin of the pages could not be traced, but were carbon dated, placing their creation in the late 1990s.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: One bean from SCP-XXXX-5F

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: One bean from SCP-XXXX-5G

Output: A Blu-Ray copy of Gore Verbinski’s Rango. No anomalous properties have yet been observed, but all individuals who watch the DVD have claimed to enjoy doing so. Further tests with the DVD are scheduled.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5H

Output: A black cassette tape, the label of which read "William Shatner - Common People, 1998". Due to the label, several researchers became visibly excited, stating that the foundation may finally have come across a recorded instance of SCP-4429. However, playing the tape revealed it to be an audiobook recording of The Return by William Shatner. Despite the usual limits of a cassette tape, the recording features the entire book, with the first 171 pages on Side A, and the remaining 200 on Side B. The voice on the recording has yet to be identified, but Dr C███ has described it as a "30-something southern male".

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5H

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

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Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5I

Output: A crude drawing of a map and a red crayon. As yet, the location depicted has not been identified. Dr C███ has requested to take the map home for decoration.

Request approved - Site Director L█████

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5I

Output: A single glass vial filled with 30mg of mercury.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5I

Output: 3 standard compasses with no visible branding.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5I

Output: A thin strip of unidentified metal, and a standard HB pencil. Further testing revealed that upon writing the name of an individual on the metal strip, it would levitate in place for approximately 5 seconds, then begin travelling at speeds of roughly 15 miles per hour towards the closest individual who can be identified by that name. When placed in a room with two individuals with the same name, both standing equidistant from the strip, it simply hovered in place, until one moved closer, at which point it gravitated to her.

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: 1 bean from SCP-XXXX-5I

Output: [DATA EXPUNGED]

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Rough setting

Input: 1 instance of SCP-XXXX-1

Output:

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Coarse setting

Input: 1 instance of SCP-XXXX-1

Output:

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, 1:1 setting

Input: 1 instance of SCP-XXXX-1

Output:

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Fine setting

Input: 1 instance of SCP-XXXX-1

Output:

Process Used: Placed into SCP-914, Very Fine setting

Input: 1 instance of SCP-XXXX-1

Output:

Addendum: 11/7 Dr. C███ Test Log

To ensure the avoidance of any out of range errors, instances of each bean were placed in a petri dish which Dr C███ then placed on a table 5m away from SCP-294. After each request for a drink was made, the corresponding beans vanished, and no out of range errors were displayed.

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-1"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5A"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5B"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5C"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5D"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5E"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5F"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5G"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5H"

Output:

Process Used: SCP-294

Input: "a cup of coffee from SCP-XXXX-5I"

Output: