The Museum of Sloth's Pit is a quiet place — somewhere to leave the present, and reflect on our past. Displayed within rows upon rows of inert cabinets, strange ornaments, tools, and fossils peer at us from a world we can now only imagine—
BANG
The museum floor becomes showered in glass, a woman screams and ducks, a large fist retracts, and an orc takes his prize. Two cloaked figures fly over the body of a man in a blue suit and burst through the front doors, carrying with them their bag of loot. Angry sirens begin a moment later, but the getaway car is only at the bottom of the museum steps…
Three Sloth's Pit PD trucks barrel down Main Street, sirens screaming, towards a swift blue car up ahead. When the anomalous is normal, so is having big cars and big guns, and anyone confident enough to steal from The Museum of Sloth's Pit is going to need them.
Without warning, the back-right window of the getaway car rolls down, and, one by one, two dozen small, round, clockwork devices are hurled out in quick succession. They hit their targets and-
"That's all they got?" asks the cog-ridden one.
"We will see!" replies the green-skinned one.
"What's that up ahead?"
A white company transport van drives onto the street and blocks the end of the road, showing no signs of moving out of the way. Plastered across the van's side is an inconspicuous company logo…
The small driver chimes up,
"Is that a plastic company?"
Dr. Whitney hated Site-87 slightly less than Site-17. Humans weren't any less grating to deal with, but at least here her co-workers didn't look at her like she had just escaped from containment.
Enjoy it while you can, she thought.
She had barely a minute to get comfortable in her new office when she received a call. The Site Director had a job for her.
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Incident 7361-6535
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On 2019/08/16, three individuals with anomalous traits and capabilities broke into The Museum of Sloth's Pit. In the process of which they incapacitated a security guard and stole a valuable anomalous item: the ten-thousand-year-old partial skeletal remains of a now-extinct 'blue mana' frog. They were later apprehended by Site-87 field personnel after overpowering Sloth's Pit PD with anomalous weaponry.
The following interviews were conducted by Dr. Maya Whitney — directly following apprehension — in an effort to determine the culprits’ identities, anomalous traits, and motives before further actions were taken.
PoI-2231
PoI-2231 is a large man with brown eyes, black hair, dark green skin, a deep voice, and two white tusks that protrude from his mouth. When apprehended his face and chest were painted with red and brown pigments, he was wearing a coat made from the hide of a bear, and he was carrying a battle-ax — which has since been confiscated.
Interviewer: Dr. Whitney
Interviewee: PoI-2231
PoI-2231: Greetings, dragon! I have fought many of your kind in my time.
Dr. Whitney: Yeah, I'm sure you have.
Dr. Whitney: Let's start off with some simple questions, what is your name?
PoI-2231: I am Yunkatha the orc of the Mighty Grimroar clan! I am Son of Oghuglat, the Furious! All those who see me tremble in—
Dr. Whitney: Okay, I get it. Can you tell me where you come from?
PoI-2231: I come from Werhasha, a land of fierce warriors!
PoI-2231 makes ax-swinging motions in midair.
Dr. Whitney: I see. So why did you come to Sloth's Pit, Yunkatha?
PoI-2231: I am on a mission of cosmic importance! Certainly not one I would divulge to a deceitful wyrm such as yourself.
Dr. Whitney: And that mission of cosmic importance had you stealing ten-thousand-year-old three-eyed frog skeletons?
PoI-2231: I- those are not simply three-eyed frogs. Those beings are the creation of Tiamat herself!
Dr. Whitney: Tiamat-? Okay, never mind, can you just tell me what the remains were for? Were you going to try and cast some kind of spell? Sell them for a profit?
PoI-2231 narrows his eyes.
PoI-2231: I have told you that I do not tell such things to dragons!
Dr. Whitney: Well lucky for both of us I'm not any kind of mythological creature, just a talking lizard.
PoI-2231: Your forked tongue may try to deceive, but my eyes tell no lies!
Dr. Whitney: My tongue isn't even forked? Look, you said you were from 'Werhasha', where is that exactly?
PoI-2231: Alas, to that, I cannot say. The forces of Marauker have thrown me here and for now I am but a wanderer, in search of my clan.
Dr. Whitney: Alright that should be enough for now. Bring in the next one.
PoI-2231: May I have my weapon returned?
Dr. Whitney: No.
PoI-2232
PoI-2232 is a woman with green eyes, curly brown hair, and numerous mechanical, bodily augmentations. The extent of the modifications is unknown, but various parts can be seen protruding from her body — such as a cog from her right cheek and metal plates in her right shoulder. As a result of these augmentations, PoI-2232's chest constantly emanates an audible ticking noise. PoI-2232 was found carrying various anomalous, clockwork weaponry — including more of the small explosive devices that were used to overpower Sloth's Pit PD.
She is likely associated with the Cogwork Orthodox Church.
Interviewer: Dr. Whitney
Interviewee: PoI-2232
Dr. Whitney: I'm going to ask you a few questions.
PoI-2232: Uh-huh. This what you get paid for?
Dr. Whitney: I get paid to do a lot of things. First question: what is your name?
PoI-2232: Claire Vanreed.
Dr. Whitney: Where do you come from?
PoI-2232: Florida.
Dr. Whitney: Can you be more specific?
PoI-2232: No.
Dr. Whitney: Fine. What I really want to know is what purpose you had for the mana frog?
PoI-2232: We were going to sell it. It's not complicated.
Dr. Whitney: If you were going to sell it, you would have taken any one of the greatly more valuable items in there.
PoI-2232: Maybe we're just stupid?
Dr. Whitney: I doubt it.
PoI-2232 laughs.
PoI-2232: I'll take that as a compliment.
Dr. Whitney: Have you heard of the Cogwork Orthodox Church?
PoI-2232: No. Are you asking me to sign up?
Dr. Whitney: What's with the cogs?
PoI-2232: That's my body.
Dr. Whitney: Well, they look like they've been surgically inserted.
PoI-2232: Yes. And now they're a part of my body.
Dr. Whitney: And you did this, why?
PoI-2232: Let's put it this way: imagine you weren't born a lizard.
Dr. Whitney: Okay.
PoI-2232: You would still desire to have scales and sharp teeth because that's who you are. It's what you're supposed to be.
Dr. Whitney: It wouldn't make a difference. If I was born a human, then I would be a human.
PoI-2232: Okay, but that wouldn't be you. If you — the you that exists now — were born a human, you would want to be a lizard because that's what you are. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Dr. Whitney: If I was born as a human I promise you I would be perfectly fine.
PoI-2232: Well that's just not true, is it?
Dr. Whitney: Who gave you the modifications?
PoI-2232: I did them myself.
Dr. Whitney: Where?
PoI-2232: In my apartment.
Dr. Whitney: What are you doing up here?
PoI-2232: Well I guess you could say I really… ticked off my neighbors!
PoI-2232: And my landlord.
Dr. Whitney: I think that will be enough for now.
PoI-2232: Great!
PoI-2233
PoI-2233 is a 5-year-old child with brown hair and brown eyes. Since being taken into custody, he has shown fear and confusion towards Site-87 staff and repeatedly asked to be returned to his mother. Security footage shows PoI-2233 to have been driving the car PoI-2231 and PoI-2232 used to escape from the crime scene, although how someone of his age managed this is unknown.
Interviewer: Dr. Whitney
Interviewee: PoI-2233
PoI-2233 cowers from Dr. Whitney and appears to be on the verge of tears.
PoI-2233: W-w-where is my m-m-mummy?
Dr. Whitney: Don't try to pull that shit.
PoI-2233 (Whimpering): Are you a d-d-d-dinosaur?
Dr. Whitney stares bluntly and unflinching. There is silence for 8 seconds.
PoI-2233: Aw rats. (PoI-2233's voice noticeably drops in pitch.)
Dr. Whitney: Really?
PoI-2233: Man. Well in my defense, I got pretty far with the rest of you morons.
Dr. Whitney: Okay, I'm tired of trying to parse this information out of you lot. What're the mana frog bones for? You're not getting out of here until we get an answer.
PoI-2233: Are we ever getting out of here?
Dr. Whitney: Answer the question.
PoI-2233 pauses.
PoI-2233: You're really not gonna address the whole lizard thing?
Dr. Whitney: Are you scared? Are you scared of the big scary monster?
PoI-2233 (Speaking back in a higher pitch): No, I'm just soooo excited to be meeting the real-life Godzilla!
Dr. Whitney: Ok that's enough. Just answer the question.
Dr. Whitney: This isn't a choice
PoI-2233: Is that a threat? I'll just let you know now that I'm a lot stronger than I look!
Dr. Whitney: Is that so?
Dr. Whitney grins, showing two rows of sharp teeth.
PoI-2233: That- is actually very scary. Wow.
PoI-2233: Look, it's just for an aging potion. A physical aging potion, that is. Mentally, I'm old enough as it is.
Dr. Whitney: And what were your accomplices getting out of this?
PoI-2233: My friends? Uh, nothing, I suppose…
Dr. Whitney: Can you elaborate—?
PoI-2233: Hey, I've told you what you want so can we just cut it here? I'm sure you've got better things to do.
Dr. Whitney: Fine. But I'm not done with you yet.
PoI-2233: Right…
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Whitney gathered her paper and clipboard and removed herself from the interview room and the strange child-man that sat within. She wandered through the unfamiliar halls of Site-87 until her ears caught the sound of chatter and laughter. She peeked her head around a doorway to see a room of people bonding over their shared love of hot chocolate on a cold Winter's day.
She let herself fill with resentment for a good five seconds before she realized what she was doing and tore her gaze away. She continued through the hallway for a minute more until she came to a window. A large window. One that gave her full view of the never-ending forests that surrounded the quiet town. The forests where animals practice old magic. The forests where daisies sing songs in the quiet dawn. The forests where—
Now's not the time to daydream, Whitney,
You have work to do.
