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Item #: SCP-6969-J-D
Object Class: Keter!!!
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6969-J is so powerful that an effective means of containing him is impossible to be built or even conceived. He has, however, willingly chosen to partake in containment. His reasoning for this is not known. SCP-6969-J is to be given anything he asks for, as it is not in the Foundation's interest for him to be irritated. SCP-6969-J has since been decommissioned. Read below.
Description: SCP-6969-J is a 16 year old human male who is 6'2" tall. He has long brown hair that remains in perfect, just showered condition at all time. He has purple eyes. I forgot to use the metric system for his height, so here it is. He's exactly 1.8796 meters tall. Remember that. It's a good height. Anyways, he has purple eyes that make you get drowsy if you look at them for too long. Also he looks very handsome. His favorite band is Metallica. That's an important detail we can't forget. Oh yeah his name is Jared.
Jared bends reality around him at will. He has complete control over this power. He seems to have an effect on females that makes them a "horny mess", making them crave attention from him and practically throw themselves at him. Jared has used this effect for his own sexual gain, and he seems to revel in it's glory. He also like sometimes doesn't even care about the female researchers and stuff so he just goes and does his own thing with other SCPs. He seems to have a fondness for humanoid female SCPs. He also has a kink for like femdom so they always do that. Gotta include that detail, right? Anyways, uhhhhh…. he's, like…. fuck, what was I saying? Jared is awesome, man. He's just such a cool, brooding, mysterious, thoughtful, handsome guy. That's why I'm gonna go have sex with him right now. Did I mention I'm a female with large breasts?
FOOTNOTE even though that's the wrong formatting! I don't care though, I'm not even a researcher. I'm, like, also an SCP. Not because I'm anomalous but because I'm Jared's brother. I know that doesn't make sense, but we're in a Mary Sue SCP, alright? It's not supposed to be canonically correct. Listen. Jared is a loser. You're all pretty stupid for falling for his tricks. Him and I basically exist in a parallel universe where the SCP Foundation and all of the monsters and like objects that do the opposite of what they're supposed to do that are contained are a collaborative writing effort by a bunch of different people. Jared is reaaaaally interested in SCP. Not for the reasons you'd think of, but instead because he has the idea that he can manipulate it. It doesn't take much to write an SCP. You just sign up, write an application, and BOOM you're in. Jared is an absolute mess, I'm telling you. I think he gets off to the idea of himself being an all powerful being that can control females sexually. It's weird. Yeah. Anyways, my plan is to decommission him. That's right. I'm gonna go kick jared's ass, and force him to stop being such a weirdo and actually go socialize.
uhh hey guys so it's me jared my fucking asshole of a brother just beat the shit out of me and said he saw the shit i've been writing on here. i kind of get why he was pissed off but like he's such a douchebag man! anyways, he like told me to keep it up but to decommission it or whatever. so there. you guys win. i can't believe i'm saying this. i'm deleting my forum account and getting off the internet altogther. you WIN.
Incident Report SCP-6969-J: As of 7/17/20, SCP-6969-J has come forward to O5 command with the announcement that he will be self-decommissioning. When questioned about this decision, he got moody and mumbled about his brother being a "stupid dickweed." SCP-6969-J then vanished. Containment procedures no longer necessary.
Note from Dr. Thompson:
That guy owed me ten bucks.
