Attacus Umbra

SCP xxxx “The Warfshache”

Object class: SAFE, cognito hazard

Containment procedures:

SCP xxxx is to remain affixed to a standard mannequin head at all times. And must remain affixed to head during transport for testing. When not being used for testing it is to be stored in a standard storage locker and locker is to be kept closed and locked at all times. It is considered safe in this state.

Description:

SCP xxxx looks to be a bright pink costume mustache that curls up at the ends. When placed against the upper lip of a humanoid object it affixes itself though no adhesive is used. The method of adhesion is currently unknown but is hypothesized to be some form of electro static attraction stemming from static built up in the warstache. But the adhesion is just strong enough to keep SCP xxxx affixed to a subject. It is easily removed by hand.

An anomalous property of the warfstache is that any sentient humanoid wearing it becomes exceptionally charismatic. This is not necessarily due to any innate personality traits of the subject but is the effect of the SCP. This is due to the altered perception of the subject by observers. However, when subjects who are naturally well liked and easy to interact with wear SCP xxxx observers seem to just perceive enhanced versions of positive personality traits the subject already possesses. These enhanced subjects can be very persuasive. One charismatic criminal who chose to wear SCP xxxx as part of his disguise successfully robbed nine banks. All banks were robbed without any reports or alarms tripped on the day of the robberies. The crimes were reported a few days later when the effect on the observers wore off. However, not all people have such criminal proclivities. Most subjects wearing SCP xxxx simply go about their normal life but are immensely more successful.

This effect also extends to inanimate humanoid object that the SCP is attached to. “Humanoid objects” include: mannequin or statuary, and paintings featuring humanoid subject matter. The humanoid head must be reasonably close to a normal human head. To large or too small and the primary anomalous effect will not activate and 8 hours later the secondary affect will become active. When attached to non sentient objects the object instantly becomes a beautiful work of art that is openly admired by anyone that sees it. Inanimate objects cannot issue requests so the effect is lessened but signs affixed to objects with the SCP will be obeyed as if a sentient humanoid requested it.

It was discovered that the criminal that robbed the banks was also the leader of a small but growing cult. He was using the influence to obtain material wealth and sexual favors from his followers. At the time of the raid that recovered SCP xxxx, a letter seeking introduction from a member of the GoI, Church of the broken God, was found in the cult leaders private quarters. It is to be assumed that the Church of the Broken God sought to acquire the SCP for their own uses.

The second anomalous property activates when SCP xxxx has not been “worn” for more than 8 hours. It is assumed this time frame is such because that is how long the average human sleeps. When the second property becomes active the SCP becomes a cognitohazard. Anyone who sees the SCP instantly thinks it is the most beautiful object they have ever seen and will seek to possess it. If more than one person sees the SCP once they will begin fighting over it but in a very pecular manner. They subjects will begin beating each other to death over the SCP but will be smiling and complimenting each other the whole time. The fight is only over when one subject is dead and the other comes into possession of the SCP. To clarify. This effect only activates if the SCP has not been “worn” for more than 8 hours. The effect does not activate if the SCP is being worn. When it is being worn it defaults to the first anomalous effect.

If after 24 hours of the secondary affect becoming active, if SCP xxxx still has not been attached to a subject or sufficient inanimate object, the the SCP will begin to seek out the closest sentient humanoid. It does this by “walking” on the ends of the “stache”. Using this method of locomotion it will home in on the closest appropriate subject. How it knows where to go is unknown. The secondary affect is still active throughout. So once observed by any sentient humanoid they will automatically seek to acquire it.

During testing it was discovered that if the SCP is blocked or trapped while seeking a subject it can begin to emit low level signal waves that act on nearby sentient beings. These waves cause affected subject to search for the source of the signal. The signals progressively get stronger and have a large radius of affect the longer the SCP is trapped in isolation.

ADDENDUM:

It is unknown if the youtuber known as Markiplier was the first mainstream use of SCP xxxx or if SCP xxxx was fashioned by a fan of his videos.

WARNING:

This is the last warning. SCP xxxx is not to be removed from containment to be used as an office decoration. I don’t care how immaculate it makes your office look to have it in there. I also don’t care that it is still attached to the mannequin head. SCP xxxx is not a vase or a painting. It is an anomalous object and any further infractions will be dealt with severely!
-O5