Per 
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Selected SCP-XXXX disks are to be kept in the on-site media library and are available to all personnel for both entertainment and research purposes. Disks pertaining to SCP's requiring high-level security clearance to obtain information on are to be kept with the other data pertaining to said SCP and will similarly require the same clearance credentials to view.
Attempts to contain SCP-XXXX-A or prevent him from entering Foundation facilities are currently on-going.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a set of [Insert number here] DVD's containing the exploits of SCP-XXXX-A as they pertain to various objects both in and out of Foundation custody. SCP-XXXX-A appears to be a professional wrestler performing under the stage name Chainsaw McGurk. He is a Caucasian male between thirty (30) to forty-five (45) years of age, broad-chested with a heavily-muscled build, bleached-white hair reaching his shoulders, and most notably wearing a multi-colored Luchadore-style mask that only exposes his hair, mouth, and eyes. SCP-XXXX-A, the promotion he works for, nor any of the other wrestling personalities present in the DVD's correspond to any known living entities.
SCP-XXXX-A's apparent gimmick is that he will "Wrassle [sic] anything, anywhere, at any time," and at times declares himself to be the "Interspecies World Champion." Said "Wrassling" isn't limited to physical combat, as he will expose himself to diseases, cognitohazards, and other such dangers in order to overcome them or at least "Beat the record." SCP-XXXX-A doesn't always win, or indeed survive, every encounter, and how he is restored to his original state in time for the next bout is never elaborated on.
The DVD's also include various "Shenanigans," in which SCP-XXXX-A evades security details in order to interact with less-hazardous objects on-site. This footage is usually directly lifted from Foundation security servers.
SCP-XXXX disks always appear after a containment breach perpetrated by SCP-XXXX-A himself. SCP-XXXX-A is capable of appearing inside an object's containment unit, often with a boastful laugh, before grabbing the object and disappearing with it again. The object is returned a moment later in the same state it was in before SCP-XXXX-A appeared, along with the corresponding SCP-XXXX disk nearby in a location it can be easily retrieved from. Security footage from these incidents are often on the DVD's as well. On rare occasions, he will abduct an object that has already caused a breach and return it to full containment or, rarer still, capture a new object and deliver it to Foundation custody personally. Samples from objects that don't need to be stolen entirely and are expendable (such as diseases) are never returned.
The matches on the disks are always preceded by a brief presentation from SCP-XXXX-B, a twenty (20) to thirty (30) year old female self-identified as "Doctor Brainsenheimer," (likely another wrestler) in which she explains the nature of the object, its containment procedures, and/or other details that demonstrate how dangerous it is. For this reason alone, many of the disks require the appropriate security clearance to view. These segments often end with SCP-XXXX-A declaring, "And I'm gonna wrassle it! WOOO!"
While some of the matches take place in a standard wrestling ring in a stadium before a live audience of thousands, others are in secure locations where SCP-XXXX-A is the only life at risk. Proper precautions are even taken to ensure viewers are not exposed to cogonitohazards where appropriate, and especially long struggles are edited down to a "Highlight reel." (Full-length raw footage is also included, possibly as a courtesy to Foundation researchers) Almost all matches have accompanying audio remarks by live color commentators.
Addendum: The following is a brief list of SCP-XXXX disks. All entries on this list are to made using the following format:
SCP-XXXX-#
Opponent: SCP-YYYY
Summary:
Winner: SCP-XXXX
SCP-XXXX-1
Opponent: SCP-001
Summary: After being sealed for some time for O5 review, a copy of this disk on a DVD-RW disk was allowed to be added to the media library. The only "match" on this disk is SCP-XXXX-A viewing the memetic kill agent protecting SCP-001's files and promptly dying of cardiac arrest.
Winner: SCP-001's memetic kill agent
SCP-XXXX-2
Opponent: SCP-087-1
Summary: The presentation ends with SCP-XXXX-A standing in front of the doorway to SCP-087 with both a camcorder and a flood lamp duct-taped to his head and carrying a backpack full of supplies, declaring he was going to "Go punch that face (SCP-087-1) the face and rescue! That! GIRL!" He then proceeds to kick the door down (replaced with a wooden one for this exact purpose) and run down the stairs with a continuous battle cry for about half an hour before running out of steam. After a short rest, he continues down the stairs at a more measured pace, occasionally chatting with the commentators as they check in on him and monologuing to the camera while taking breaks. Despite his bravado, feelings of dread are evident in his voice as the hours drag on, requiring him to psych himself up with pep talks, macho grunts, and attempts to taunt SCP-087-1.After seven hours, SCP-XXXX-A finally encounters SCP-087-1, waiting down the stairs ahead of him just beyond the reach of his light. After a tense stare-down for nearly a minute, SCP-XXXX-A shouts a verbal challenge and leaps down the stairs as SCP-087-1 does the same. The footage of the fight is glitchy and mostly indecipherable. There are occasional clear shots of SCP-XXXX-A running up or down stairs, SCP-087-1's face, SCP-XXXX-A being either thrown against or pulling away from the stairs and walls, and one instance of SCP-XXXX-A going over the handrail. The sequence ends with SCP-XXXX-A breathing heavily as SCP-087-1 stares down at the viewer before the footage glitches out and cuts to the bewildered commentators
Winner: SCP-087-1
SCP-XXXX-3
Opponent: SCP-106
Summary: Footage of the match begins with SCP-106 hunting a D-Class in its pocket dimension. As SCP-106 looms over its cornered prey, SCP-XXXX-A comes up from behind and hits it across the back with a steel chair. SCP-XXXX-A proceeds to throw the stunned SCP-106 against a wall as a referee evacuates the D-Class (who was later found in a closet with the disk taped to his chest). SCP-XXXX-A unloads a barrage of body blows against SCP-106, which it soon begins to no-sell as it straightens back up. SCP-XXXX-A eventually notices his punches aren't having any effect just as SCP-106 stuns him with a kick to the gut, followed by a pile driver. SCP-106 has the upper hand for much of the battle, displaying an impressive variety of professional wrestling moves such as the German Suplex, the Elbow Drop, the Shining Wizard, and move researchers have dubbed "The 106 Twist." Eventually, SCP-106 rams SCP-XXXX-A's head against the wall several times and lets him drop. As SCP-106 leans down to pick him back up, SCP-XXXX-A hooks a leg, curls into a ball with SCP-106, and pins it's shoulders to the floor as a referee appears to give the three-count. SCP-XXXX-A and referee promptly escape.
Winner: SCP-XXXX-A
SCP-XXXX-4
Opponent: SCP-173
Summary: SCP-173 is fought in a steel cage match before a live audience. All lights are killed aside from a strobe light for the duration of the match, allowing SCP-173 to move while being filmed. After a few minutes of struggling, SCP-XXXX-A pins SCP-173 for the three-count.
Winner: SCP-XXXX-A
SCP-XXXX-5
Opponent: SCP-261
Summary: Security footage. SCP-XXXX-A saunters up to SCP-261 and inserts what is estimated to be 137 Yen. SCP-261 dispenses a can of Mountain Dew with a throwback design. SCP-XXXX-A is pleasantly surprised. He takes one sip before spitting it out and violently throwing the can into the garbage. Analysis of the can shows the sole listed ingredient as human urine, as confirmed by analysis of the remaining contents. SCP-XXXX-A next inserts 409 Yen and receives a plastic tub of "I Can't Believe It's Not Cow Pies!" SCP-XXXX-A stares at the tub for a moment, says, "I'll take your word for it," and drops it in the trash
SCP-XXXX-A inserts 245 Yen and receives a can of "Spontaneous Cola," colored red with a yellow starburst logo. SCP-XXXX-A, looks at the can quizzically, reading the name out loud before opening it. He gives the contents a cautious sniff before chugging it entirely. SCP-XXXX-A smacks his lips a couple times before remarking on its smooth, full-bodied flavor. He then belches for a solid minute before bursting into flames, completely incinerating both him and the can.
Winner: SCP-261
SCP-XXXX-6
Opponent: 200 milliliters of SCP-447-2 and a dead body
Summary: The video begins with SCP-XXXX-A in a bunker with a cup of SCP-447-2 in hand and standing over a dead body on a lab table, stating that he has no idea what this will do but he still intends to wrassle it. Despite the commentators' protests, he begins tipping the cup over the body with exaggerated slowness and an increasing look of expectant glee on his face before the footage glitches out and cuts back to the commentators. The commentators call out to SCP-XXXX-A several times before announcing they have lost contact with him and resolve to check up on him later. The video then cuts to later on in the program, where the commentators explain they are still trying to regain contact with SCP-XXXX-A before receiving word that the authorities have taken charge of the matter and they are to cease all further discussion of it. The video ends with SCP-XXXX-A in a dressing gown seated in a director's chair, explaining that they lost all footage of the incident, that he is not at liberty to discuss the details, and reiterates that under no circumstances should SCP-447 or its derivatives be exposed to a dead body.
Winner: [DATA EXPUNGED]
SCP-XXXX-7
Opponent: SCP-458
Summary: The video is security footage of the darkened staff canteen at Site 17. SCP-XXXX-A can only be seen in shadow as he noisily enjoys his pizza. A security guard enters and turns on the light, startling SCP-XXXX-A, who grabs two more slices of pizza and runs off with a third between his teeth.
Winner: Not applicable
Note: For those of you wondering, the pizza is just pepperoni
Just a common pepperoni pizza? That's a little underwhelming.
— Dr. Vernalli
No, no, you misunderstand. The pizza was made entirely of pepperoni.
— Technician Albrandt
A real man doesn't skimp on the toppings, brother
— Chainsaw
SCP-XXXX-8
Opponent: SCP-616-1
Summary: At the end of the presentation, SCP-XXXX-A states that he intends to keep the SCP-616-1 open all by himself, but if anything actually comes through, "You better believe I'm gonna wrassle it! WOO!" Video of the match is entirely taken from security cameras installed on SCP-616. SCP-616 takes off and reaches the prescribed speed and altitude as normal. As soon as SCP-616-1 opens, SCP-XXXX-A saunters into the shot from off-camera and informs the assembled archbishops, "I got this one, boys! You sit tight!"For the first half-hour or so, SCP-XXXX-A easily holds SCP-616-1 open with one hand. After that, the task becomes increasingly more difficult. At first, he merely shifts to an arm wrestling-like stance, and after fifteen minutes relents and resorts to using both hands. At this point, he starts warding off the archbishops attempting to assist him. After an hour, the door is three-quarters open and SCP-XXXX-A has started pressing his shoulders against it and yelling for someone to tell the corpses to shut up. By the seven-hour mark, he has lodged himself between the door and the frame to push against it with his legs.
At this point, the effects of SCP-616-1 abruptly cease and everything returns to normal. As SCP-616-1 is no longer actively pushing against him, it is thrown open by SCP-XXXX-A's now-extraneous efforts and he falls through. He manages to grab hold of the door frame and haul himself back in up to his shoulders, at which point he declares that he is, "Still the champ, baby!" and raises his arms in victory. He is promptly sucked back out again.
Winner: SCP-XXXX-A
SCP-XXXX-9
Opponent: SCP-914
Summary: SCP-XXXX-A and a referee sneak into research cell 109-B. SCP-XXXX-A charges into SCP-914's Intake booth as the referee sets the knob to "Rough" and winds the key. After ten (10) minutes, SCP-914 starts to shudder. Five (5) minutes after that, SCP-914's output booth opens, to reveal SCP-XXXX-A with arms akimbo. The referee takes his arm to declare him the winner, only for the arm to come off as SCP-XXXX-A crumbles into a pile of of 2.54 cm (1 inch) cubes
Winner: SCP-914
SCP-XXXX-10
Opponent: SCP-999
Summary: Video is security footage of security personnel discovering SCP-XXXX-A and SCP-999 having a tickle-fight. He is laughing hysterically and begging SCP-999 to stop when he notices the guards. SCP-XXXX-A swears to himself and the video ends
Winner: SCP-999
SCP-XXXX-11A
Opponent: Dr. Light
Summary: In lieu of the normal format, the video opens with Dr. Light going through his morning routine when he notices his car being stolen. After reporting it to the police and taking public transit to work, he discovers he left his passcard in the glove compartment. Several hoops later, he finally enters his office to find all the furniture has been moved to accommodate his car, which has a DVD taped to the hood. He plays the DVD, revealing it to be SCP-XXXX-#A, up to and including him putting it into the DVD player, at which point it cuts to a close-up of SCP-050. The actual video cuts to this as well, as the camera pulls back to reveal SCP-050 in the hands of SCP-XXXX-A, who declares, "You just got Chainsaw'd, brother! The classics are still the best! WOO!" Dr. Light proceeds to throw a tantrum and stomp out of his office.
Winner: SCP-XXXX-A
SCP-XXXX-11B
Opponent: Dr. Light
Summary: Video begins with security footage of SCP-XXXX-A appearing a containment cell housing a single storage locker bound in chains. SCP-XXXX-A cuts the chains off with a bolt cutter and opens the locker, which immediately sprays a constant stream of guacamole at him as confetti falls from the ceiling and mariachi music plays. As the cell fills with guacamole, the camera pans out from a monitor in Dr. Light's office, who is laughing as he watches the footage with SCP-050 on his desk. He turns to the camera and says, "Who's the champ now?" before laughing and turning back to the screen.
Winner: Dr. Light
Not even mad, brother. You got me good. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm gonna have a word with my agent
— Chainsaw
