Bandwagon

Item #: SCP-3476

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A mature SCP-3476-A organism in Western Oregon

Object Class: Safe Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: 1.6 Metric tonnes of SCP-3746-B is to remain at Site-103, Workshop Space 14. This amount of SCP-3746-B is to remain available to site personnel for the purposes of recreation and requires no additional containment procedures beyond what is deemed appropriate for workshop safety. Site personnel are to refrain from exposure to SCP-3476-B longer than 3 hours in order to retain site productivity.

Any instances of SCP-3476-C are allowed to be displayed on foundation grounds provided the owner completes a C124-W form.

Discoveries of wild populations of SCP-3476-A are to be monitored by foundation personnel placed within regional governments. These personnel should attempt to have all extant populations of SCP-3476-A marked as heritage 'Old-Growth' forests.

The 1.6 Metric tonnes of SCP-3476-B present in Workshop Space 14 is to be placed within the hazardous materials wing immediately. Further testing or recreation using SCP-3476-B is prohibited until further notice. Any instances of SCP-3476-C are to be transferred to Dr. Maximovich and any personnel involved in their constructions are to report to the on-site psychological support team for debriefing and analysis.

Until we know what the relationship is between SCP-3476 and the issues that HR has been reporting I am stopping all testing and placing what timber we have left in holding. Dr. Maximovich will be handling 3476 until I return from my leave of absence.
Dr. Jameson Quinn / Lead Researcher SCP-3476 [ON LEAVE]

Description: SCP-3476-A is a particular subfamily of coniferous tree within the family Cupressaceae, identified to be an offshoot of Metaseqoia glyptostroboides. The first living instances of SCP-3476-A were located between Lichuan and Enshi City in the Hubei province of the Peoples Republic of China. Subsequent populations have been located in Oregon and California.

SCP-3476-A exhibits no anomalous properties and appears similar Metaseqoia glyptostroboides save for a more extensive root system on average and a slower growth pattern.

SCP-3476-B refers to any unworked lumber harvested from the SCP-3476-A tree. Individuals report that the experience of working on SCP-3476-B for any period of time is intensely pleasurable and euphoric beyond any expected effects of partaking in a physical task. The following log details experiments conducted to quantify SCP-3476-Bs effects. Note: Items created using SCP-3476-B are labelled 3476-C for the sake of cataloguing.

SUBJECT CARPENTRY EXPERIENCE TIME SPENT RESULTS
D-88963 Unknown 00:24:12 Subject expressed enjoyment at being able to work with wood, relates childhood anecdote. Subject is reported as smiling uncontrollably 12 minutes into experiment. Subject remained amenable and cooperative throughout experiment, reporting being able to "Really process some stuff I've been going through."
D-88964 Unknown 01:17:14 - 01:42:33 - 01:02:00 Subject spent three separate experiment instances creating a cutting board, reporting to having done similar in secondary education. During experiment subject is reported as having spoken to itself as if holding a conversation if the observing researchers. Topics include: D-88964's childhood, family circumstance and hopes to return to its partner following completion of sentence. The created SCP-3476-C (cutting board) is currently in Staff Room 14B. [Researchers note: D-88964's partner has begun proceedings for separation approximately 3 weeks after this experiment. Possibility of informing subject during further experiment to study effects?]
Junior Researcher Carmichael Hobby/Enthusiast 05:42:35 Following a lack of negative results, testing was approved to move beyond D-Class personnel. Researcher Carmichael was chosen due to a history of carpentry. Results were initially the same as previous two experiments but milestones were passed in an accelerated timeframe. At the 02:12 milestone Carmichael began to cry, when questioned Carmichael stated "The grain takes a dovetail really well. It's been so long since I've enjoyed my work this much, do you guys mind if I continue for the rest of my shift?" Carmichael completed a nearly six hour session with the 3467-B substance resulting in many small instances of Japanese style dovetail joints. Experiment concluded when Carmichael was found in a comatose state from which he recovered in 7 hours. Subsequent debriefing with the Junior Researcher reported pleasant dreams in which he opened a small carpentry workshop in his retirement.

Following the Carmichael test, SCP-3476 has been declared 'Safe' and the amount of SCP-3746-B made available to all site personnel under Site-103 psychological directive '3476-Woodchuck'. Use is largely limited to personnel with experience in amateur carpentry and joinery.

Addendum 3476-1 : Dr. Quinn:
Those of us who meet on Wednesday afternoons in the Workshop have taken to calling ourselves the '76ers'. I know alcohol on site premises is frowned upon but we're largely senior personnel and for a while it's been my only release. My work on 882 is not nearly as fulfilling as it used to be. Wednesdays has become a mixture of support and gripe sessions for a lot of us old botanists to enjoy something again. If there was a hall of fame for skips that were actually useful I'd submit this if I could. Either way I'll continue to track major use of 3476-B, if only to have the records so I can as Site Admin to purchase more.

Addendum 3476-2 : Dr. Quinn:
At first I was worried that we were becoming a bit of a support group. Furnivall mentioned as much and everyone had a good laugh. Carpenters anonymous certainly doesn't have a ring to it. But with Kai's husband filing it's certainly taken on that air. It's become less about the few sneaky tumblers of congnac and more about the actual carpentry. It doesn't really matter if we're getting any better at this point, for most of us it's all that's getting through the grind.

Addendum 3476-3 : Dr. Quinn:
Carmichael has joined the 76ers. He's not doing so well. Apparently he's been promoted out of junior researcher. I couldn't care less. We keep working on the wood though. So I guess that's nice.

Addendum 3476-4 : Dr. Quinn:
People are starting to filter away. Furnivall hasn't been in a week or so. I haven't seen Carmichael anywhere. I passed Kai in the hall and he looked asleep.

I feel asleep.

The wood isn't working anymore. Maybe we worked it bare. Maybe we worked ourselves bare. Maybe we're just not supposed to be happy.

I couldn't care less.

Addendum 3476-5: Dr. Maximovich:
Following a lapse in work standards, Dr. Quinn and four (4) additional site senior staff have been placed on indefinite administrative leave. Researcher Carmichael has been remanded into site psychiatric care following a prolonged depressive episode that began five (5) weeks following the instance of his 3476-B test. I have recommended site administration upgrade 3476's class to Euclid while we examine whether its effects are a latent depressive cognitohazard or a more powerful reality bending effect (perhaps witnessed with D-88964). Current estimates of site personnel exposed to SCP-3476-B is between 45 and 675.