Per 
Item #: 3518J – Blue Raspberry {Author note: Theoretical Number Assignment}
Object Class: Thaumiel Apollyon Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXJ is to be kept in a four-walled containment cell on floor 19 of Site-88. The cell consists of two opposite walls constructed from cinder blocks measuring 8” by 8” by 16” with the two opposing walls constructed from 4 inch slabs of polymer impregnated concrete reinforced with #5 size rebar. The total inside dimensions of the chamber must measure 10.125 m by 10,212 cm by 8' 1.44”. The door of the cell is to be made from high quality 18 gauge A40 galvaneal steel with a standard insulated core of polystyrene.
SCP-XXXJ itself is to be set upon a 1.11 m tall plinth in the style of a Doric pillar made from the wood of the Pinus Strobus (White Pine) tree harvested on the 1st of April from the boreal forest in the Whiteshell Provincial Park located in southeastern Manitoba, Canada. This podium should be carved using a chainsaw. The brand, model, and size of the chainsaw are not specified.
This precise materials and dimensions are required because they match the current containment cell setup for SCP-XXXJ, and that has to be important for some reason or other, right?
Description: SCP-XXXJ (henceforth referred to solely as the SCP or berry) is a model of the fruit of the Rubus leucodermis (Blue Raspberry) plant. The model is the approximate size of Junior Researcher Upton's left thumb, well like if you bend your thumb over and make a kind of square using part of the hand. Well, you know what I mean anyhow, it's about that big. is roughly spherical with a diameter of 1.5" or a radius of 19050 micrometers.
The object consists of precisely 113 druplets (the round bits). At the top of the fruit, a thorny “Spike” measuring exactly π (pi) cm extends outward. Regardless of the position the item is laid upon the Columnar Support Apparatus (or any other surface), it will always move itself to the center of the surface with the “Barb” or “Thorn” facing upwards in relation to the surface upon witch it has been lain.
SCP-XXXJ displays an anomalous color compared to the standard color of a raspberry (Rubus idaeus) which corresponds to the color "Raspberry" (hex code e30b5d). While SCP-XXXJ is in it's containment chamber the color of the berry corresponds to the color “Blue Raspberry” (hex code #0cbfe9). It is worth noting that the inversion of this color is #f34016, a red-orange which is a close variation of the color “Cimmaron” (hex code #eb905b).
SCP-XXXJ exhibits anomalous behavior every 40 to 55 days when it will disappear from its containment cell. The berry will then apear in the center of the seat of the next chair upon which Dr. Jerimiah Cimmerian will sit. The chair in question is designated SCP-XXXJ-1. If the SCP-XXXJ-1 is occupied at the time of disapparation, it will appear when the chair is next unoccupied. At this point, SCP-XXXJ is not visible to the naked eye except by use of some other SCP I forget the number of. (LOOK THIS UP BEFORE SUBMITTING FFS!) Though the concept has not been tested due to the reluctance of Dr. Cimmarian, it is believed that the berry will not appear on benches, sofas, davenports, picnic tables or other types of "group seating".
When Dr. Cimmerian sits down upon SCP-XXXJ-1, SCP-XXXJ creates a 87 db sound of a voiceless linguolabial trill, otherwise known as a Bronx Cheer or thhppbbbbt. At this same time the "Prong" atop the berry will poke Cimmerian in the left gluteal region (butt cheek). The “Bramble” will also pierce any clothing, armor, chitinous plating, etc., worn by Cimmerian. While no blood is drawn, the pain is described as being between 5 and 7 on the standard numeric pain rating scale (NPRS). The anomalous behavior of SCP-XXXJ does not seem to affect Cimmerian's ability to construct rather long strings of expletives to any observable extent.
Immediately following the piercing of the the bum and sounding of the thhpppbbbbt, SCP-XXXJ will reappear in it's containment cell once again. SCP-XXXJ-1 will no longer exhibit any anomalous behaviors. Following any Blue Raspberry incident, Dr. Cimmerian inevitably visits the researcher currently monitoring the object to threaten and lambaste them. Normally the verbal abuse will pacify Cimmerian, though one exception to this has occurred to date. Refer to Interview XXXJ-13 for more information.
Interview XXXJ-13:
Interviewed: Dr. Jeremiah Cimmerian
Interviewee: Jr. Researcher Benedict Upton
Forward: Following incident XXXJ-13, Dr. Cimmerian asked to speak to the researcher in charge of SCP-XXXJ. After a short wait, Cimmerian was granted an interview with Jr. Researcher Upton.
<Begin Log:>
Upton: Um…hello D-Dr. Cimmerian. pause It's, um, a great pleasure to meet such a, uh, esteemed member of the Foundation.
Cimmerian: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why is it so hard for you all to keep this thing down here?!
Upton: I think maybe it just doesn't like you, sir.
Cimmerian: That's your professional opinion, huh? Cimmerian pulls a well-maintained pistol from under his yellow jacket
Upton: Wait a second! What's that for?! You're not gonna kill me because you got poked in the butt by a blue whoopee cushion are you? I mean you're on the Ethics Committee, right? This is nuts!
Cimmerian: levels the pistol at Upton No, no, of course not. I'm not going to kill you for that. Not even Clef would do something that arbitrary. taps barrel of the pistol against his temple Well, actually he might, but that's not the point here. I'm not going to kill you because of my personal pain in the ass. I'm going to kill you for putting an OC in your first submission. a gunshot is heard
Upton: But… gurgle but… cough it's a Joke SCP… death rattle
Cimmerian: You know that doesn't matter. It's simply the principle of the thing.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: Cimmerian leaves the room. His muffled voice can be heard from beyond the door: "Someone get in there and clean that up!"
