Betterbite

Item #: SCP-4961-J

Object Class: fucking annoying Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Don't fucking bother he will find a way of escaping with or without someone there to stop him SCP-4961-J is currently held at Site-69 in the Light Containment Area inside a soundproof containment chamber. A Class-D is to be inside the cell at all times with SCP-4961-J so that they can be annoyed to death that poor soul used as a distraction.

If SCP-4961-J begins to emit baby noises for more than 2 minutes, another Class-D is to be prepared for replacement upon the death of the previous at the 3 minute mark.

current kill count in the millions

Failure to provide a Class-D for SCP-4961-J will result in him teleporting to the O5 council to complain about mistreatment breaching containment and finding a subject. All personnel are reminded that in the event of being targetted by SCP-4961-J they are to abandon all hope immediately enter SCP-4961-J's containment chamber for recontainment.

may god bless your soul

Description: SCP-4961-J or as he refers to himself as "Yak" is a Causcasian Human assumed to be 9 year old 30 years old. At the moment of writing, subject is dressed in a standard Foundation-issued Class-D jumpsuit. SCP-4961-J has supernatural powers that allow him to annoy the shit out of anyone just by his mere existance cause major discomfort to anyone he speaks to, this can lead to sucidal tendencies from prolonged exposure, subject can also teleport to anyone, anywhere, anytime if it fails to find a human subject.

SCP-4961-J has been observed to deliver this pain through the usage of 'bad' jokes:

The Terrible Joke Totally Sane Reaction
"Is your refrigerator running? THEN YOU BETTER GO CATCH IT!" D-███ screamed in pain then punched the chamber door breaking his hand
As a response to D-███ saying: "Please, I'm very hungry let me go" SCP-4961-J responded: "Hi very hungry, I am Yak" D-███ curled into a ball and stayed like that for 3 minutes before SCP-4961-J breached containment, D-███ died from mysterious circumstances
Continuous baby noises for 3 minutes D-███'s head popped, immediate death.
cell-content cell-content

you cannot escape him

SCP-4961-J was found in the White House on 20/4/██ annoying with the President of the United States. Secret Service contacted the Foundation after failing to remove the trespasser. Head of Security of the White House has exclaimed,

"That thing is unkillable. We had to drag the President away from the Self-Destruct button knowing it arleady killed ███ of our agents without taking a single scratch."

what have they done to us.

Upon recovery the President said,

"Take that thing as far away from here as you can and never ever let it out again or I pray to whatever God there is in the sky to kill us and spare us from the pain that thing can emit"

Attempts to neutralise SCP-4961-J have failed. (see Addendum 4961-J-1)

he justs keep coming back

Addendum 4961-J-1:

The following is audio transcript from a recording from 4961-J's chamber, very loud and obnoxious noises can be heard originating from SCP-4961-J throughout the recording.

Taken during first futile termination attempt:

D-41102: Please… I cannot take this anymore. LET ME OUT! poor soul

[SCP-4961-J's containment chamber doors open]

Capt. Ravic: Arlight, I think that is enough. Time to end this.

[Capt. Ravic shoots a bullet straight at SCP-4961-J's head, bullet appears to reflect and hits Capt. Ravic straight in the head fool, killing him instantly. Upon seeing this, D-41102 grabs the gun and shoots himself. good choice

SCP-4961-J: Aww, where did everyone go?

[SCP-4961-J proceeds to teleport out of the cell, he was found later by MTF with Dr. ████ cowering in the corner]

After this incident, no further termination attempts are to be taken.

Addendum 4961-J-2:

The following is a transcript from an interview with D-39921 who sabotaged the containment chamber and escaped SCP-4961-J leading to a containment breach.

Dr. Kovac: So tell me, what was going on in your head when you entered the room.

D-39921: As soon as I entered… I heard the most sickening sounds attacking me at once… My brain… it started hurting… I felt it bleeding…

i feel bad for him

Dr. Kovac: What did SCP-4961-J do after it noticed you?

go in there yourself and find out

D-39921: I don't know… all I saw was a blur… then it was t-posing and circling me super fast screaming… then it was running into walls making car noises… then it was-

[D-39921 proceeded to mash his head on the table 3 times before he died]
the only way out

Dr. ████: Recommendation to give this SCP away to the Chaos Insurgency.

O5-█: Denied. We are cold, not cruel. liars