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Item #: SCP-XXXX-J

Object Class: An esoteric word whose original meaning isn't meaningful for this context.

Special Containment Procedures: It is impossible to contain SCP-XXXX-J. All previous attempts, which involved reusing the containment procedures from popular SCP articles, have failed. The Foundation can only mitigate the damage caused by SCP-XXXX-J through the use of Protocol XXXX-J-SeeObjectClass,1 which involves the loss of life and other tragedies. SCP-XXXX-J's containment chamber is a 5 m x 5 m x 5 m cell2 constructed out of telekill alloy and equipped with a Scranton Reality Anchor.3

Description: SCP-XXXX-J is an entity that is unoriginal in nature. While lead researchers first believed that it was unique, others have been quick to point out the monotonous tropes it represents. Among these tropes are the urgency espoused by researchers that it be destroyed, the lamentation that it cannot be stopped, and its macabre physiology. For more information on SCP-XXXX-J's description, please see Document XXXX-J-12345.4

SCP-XXXX-J was first discovered in Site-19, where it had conveniently appeared in an empty containment unit. After garnering the attention and affection of nearby researchers, including Site-19's very own Dr. Arthur Standin, a wide range of tests and interviews were conducted over the course of [REDACTED] months. From this research, in which [DATA EXPUNGED] D-Class personnel were terminated, it was determined that SCP-XXXX-J is lethal. However, SCP-XXXX-J's capacity for homicide has yet to be fully quantified, and is a topic of ongoing scientific debate.

Addendum XXXX-J.1: Interview Log

Interviewed: SCP-XXXX-J

Interviewer: Dr. █████5

Foreword: This interview was conducted after SCP-XXXX-J murdered several members of MTF GreekLetter-Number ("Pun"), but before researchers had realized that it regarded doctors with the same level of value.

<Begin Log>

Dr. █████: Hello SCP-XXXX-J.

(SCP-XXXX-J insults Dr. █████, immediately cementing its dominant position.)

Dr. █████: I-I am clearly sh-shaken by this development, as i-indicated by my use of hy-hyphens.

(SCP-XXXX-J insults Dr. █████ again. SCP-XXXX-J is truly unchained, in both the figurative and literal sense.)

Dr. █████: P-Please tell m-me about your-yourself.

(SCP-XXXX-J proceeds to inform Dr. █████ of its entire backstory through a PowerPoint presentation, including a comprehensive Q&A session regarding the nature of its anomalous abilities.6)

Dr. █████: This exposition dump has left me in a false sense of security. Anyways, what is your motive?

(SCP-XXXX-J reveals its motive, which is threatening to the concept of life in general. Dr. █████, taken aback by this sudden realization, attempts to react in a manner that could be mistaken as expressive. However, SCP-XXXX-J is able to murder Dr. █████ before such a pivotal moment in their acting career can occur.)

<End Log>

Closing Statement: SCP-XXXX-J proceeded to breach containment and enter a rage state, releasing SCP-████, SCP-████, and SCP-████ from containment.7 All breached SCPs were later re-contained.8 A request to upgrade the object class to Keter is pending.9

Addendum XXXX-J.2: Incident Log
During a routine containment breach instigated by SCP-XXXX-J, the on-site nuclear device stored in Site-19 detonated.10 Despite a casualty rate of ██%11 among Foundation personnel evacuation was deemed successful as Dr. Arthur Standin was among the survivors.12 SCP-173 was also recovered without issue. A portion of the last message sent from Site-19 is shown below:




I have decided to stay behind to write this message, detailing the final events that will lead to the destruction of Site-19. I initially thought that it would make more sense to escape this facility and record this message later. However, such a plan was rendered into mere fantasy over a series of dire circumstances surrounding the true nature of SCP-XXXX-J. Truly, my only recourse is to recount these events in a lengthy and poetic manner that will tie in the literary themes of SCP-XXXX-J into a parable.

Despite my shortening lifespan, I will take the time to create an outline, several rough drafts, and a polished manuscript that will be reviewed by numerous editors. I shall then disregard the sage advice of these people, for true art is produced through the suffering of all involved parties. I strongly suspect that The O5 Council members themselves will be so awe-struck by my masterpiece that they will include this unequivocally essential story in SCP-XXXX-J's very own article, as the centerpiece that holds it together. I fervently believe that this story will jump-start my writing career as a dead senior researcher.

Are you ready to plunge into the artistic annals of greatness?

Then let's begin…



It was a dark and stormy night when I first laid my eyes upon SCP-XXXX-J's majestic form. That magnificent entity, whose utter beauty is beyond description, did so enrapture me that I immediately found myself dreaming of our wedding day. It is literally impossible for me to overstate the extremely noteworthy significance of my first meeting with this divine figure. So much so that I will now cleanly segue into my life's story, beginning with my birth, and work my way up to this moment of transcendence. Along this journey, you, dear reader, will clearly see how my every character flaw has been corrected by SCP-XXXX-J's mere appearance.

It was a dark and stormy night when I was given birth. My mother, that absolute bitch…

Addendum XXXX-J.3: Document XXXX-J-12345

Cool people who reviewed this:


  • Consider rewriting portion of the Special Containment Procedures to be less on the nose. Have previous containment procedures reference Series-1 articles as opposed to being generic? This probably came about because of the Dr. Arthur Standin section breaking from the previous logic of being as generic as possible by instead being everything at once.
  • Introduce some form of "joke pause" between Addenda 1 and 2. Would probably consist of an exposition dump on Dr. Arthur Standin? Could re-arrange contents, such that either: Dr. Arthur Standin is introduced earlier and in a more serious manner, Addendum 3 is used as a literal comedic break and as a transition, Addendum 2 is chopped off and place in an accompanying tale, or something similar. Could also take the easy way out of just removing a bunch of the jokes in the intro paragraph for Addenda 2 (but I spent a lot of time on those jokes!). IDK.
  • Maybe watch Airplane again or one of the Naked Gun movies, as that style of comedy is longform and close-ish to what's being done here.