BlasphemyBoy

Item #: SCP-4216

Containment class: Safe Thaumiel Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4216 is to be left in its containment chamber until a subject able to wield it is found. Any personnel interested in taking SCP-4216's "Trial" may do so under the supervision of Doctor Cliff. As of incident report 4216-1, SCP-4216 is to left in the possession of Jr. researcher Percy Kolfger. As of quest log 4216-3, SCP-4216 is considered neutralized.

Description: SCP-4216 is an ornate 5th-6th English bastard-sword¹. SCP-4216 is sentient, and capable of projecting a voice through unknown means².

SCP-4216 claims to have been crafted by God and believes it's been given a quest from God to "aid worthy humans in their fight against the darkness.". SCP-4216 also claims to be various different famous swords from history including: Excalibur, the Sword of Mars, Nægling, and Durandal. Interviews have shown SCP-4216 to be highly self possessed and narcissistic. SCP-4216 is friendly to The Foundation, but states that no personnel have shown traits worthy to wield it. See Incident report 4216-1

Any wielder of SCP-4216 is given a number of anomalous benefits. SCP-4216 can voluntarily control if its current wielder gains any of these benefits. The majority of SCP-4216's requirements to wield it are based on Knights codes of honor, and the Bushido code. SCP-4216 also claims to be able to "Read the hearts of men" when they grasp its handle.

Known benefits currently include: Enhanced reflexes, senses, strength, dexterity, and mental acuity. SCP-4216 is being considered for use in containment of other SCPs, however due to its uncooperative nature this cannot currently be achieved.

SCP-4216 also has notable reality bending abilities.

SCP-4216 was recovered from a raid on a suspected anomalous weapons dealer.

+ Incident report 4216-1

Testing with SCP-4216 normally consisted of the object requesting personnel to place themselves into unflattering/uncomfortable positions. Tests would continue until subject refused a request from SCP-4216, at which time it would declare the subject "unworthy".

<Begin Log>

Dr. Cliff, Jr. Researcher Kolfger, and D-11098 enter the containment chamber.

Dr. Cliff: For the record, this is Trial attempt number Five-Hundred and Eighty-six. Test begins now.

D-11098: You guys just want me to hold that thing?

Dr. Cliff: Proceed.

SCP-4216: The characters you bring to me, Scribe Cliff, only degrade in worth as you continue. I doubt this one will have what it takes.

D-11098: A talking sword. Should of expected that.

Kolfger turns to Dr. Cliff.

Jr. Researcher Kolfger: If half of the personnel on site failed to impress this thing, how the hell is a D-Class going to work?

Dr. Cliff: The psyche of these things is pretty random. We've had tons of personnel with glowing reports try this thing and it rejected them all. Something 'bout being not quite 'pure'. Honestly, Percy, I think it's just fucking around, but this is our job.

A few moments of silence pass as D-11098 picks up SCP-4216 and is administered a trial. D-11098's trial consists of various sword strokes while removing his clothing. Extraneous audio has been removed.

SCP-4216: A marvelous try! However, your heart is tainted. Highly. Put me down.

Dr. Cliff: Alright, that concludes Test Log 4216-586.

Note: Test Log SCP-4216-586 was ended following D-11098's attempt. All audio following this message was recorded by surveillance cameras within the testing area. At time of recording, only Dr. Cliff and Jr. Researcher Kolfger occupied the room.

Jr. Researcher Kolfger: Mind if I try it's trial, Sir?

Dr. Cliff: Feel free, Percy, but don't get your hopes up. Hell, it might even insult you.

Jr. Researcher Kolfger approaches SCP-4216, stopping before its' stand.

SCP-4216: Welcome, Scribe the Lesser! Art thou here for the trial?

Jr. Researcher Kolfger: I guess so. Really, I just wanted to ask you more about how you make your decisions.

SCP-4216: The ideas of the divine would seem highly obscure to you, Scribe the Lesser.

Jr. Researcher Kolfger: Right, right, forged by God, ineffable plan. But if you can just peer into our souls, why all the sword swinging?

SCP-4216: Scribes often fail to understand the matter of Good to Evil, Heaven to Hell. Lesser scribe Kolfger, it is not enough to have but a solely pure heart. One must be able to express it!

Jr. Researcher Kolfger: Makes sense. Guessing I should pick you up now?

SCP-4216: Try away, Scribe Kolfger.

Kolfger proceeds to lift SCP-4216, wielding it lazily in a swinging motion. As he does so, SCP-4216 begins to shake uncontrollably, presumably activating through Kolfger.

SCP-4216: Finally, the work can begin!

Jr. Researcher Kolfger: Wait, what?

SCP-4216: Welcome to the hall of the mighty, Sir Kolfger!

Jr. Researcher Kolfger: Oh, for Gods sake.

SCP-4216: That's the idea.

<End Log>

Following the events of incident report XXXX-1, it was decided that Jr. Researcher Kolfger would undertake weapons training, and be utilized to contain certain SCP entities. This was before SCp-4216's reality bending abilities were discovered.

Footnotes

1. Hilt:18cm Blade:98cm Weight 1.34kg

2. described as a middle aged, boisterous, man