Blue Foot "Lemons R Us"

Item #: SCP-5810

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: During inactive hours of discovered SCP-5810-1 instances, a demolition team composed of specially trained Foundation Agents are to block any public view of the SCP-5810-1 manifestation they are assigned to and are to demolish the instance in question by any means deemed necessary by the highest ranking agent present. Any civilians questioning the demolition of a SCP-5810-1 instance are to be informed of the instance's fabricated building code violations and are to be presented with the appropriate legal documentation carried by a member of the demolition team. These documents are to appear as legitimate as possible. Any unauthorized personnel attempting to contact a SCP-5810-1 instance's customer service hotline via telephone are to face access level demotion or dismissal from the SCP-5810 project.

If a SCP-5810-1 instance is discovered in it's active state, one Foundation Agent is to be stationed at each entrance and are to deny civilian entry under the guise of defending the public from numerous health code violations. Once the SCP-5810-1 manifestation enters its inactive state, the instance is to be demolished as per the previous containment procedures.

An instance of SCP-5810-1 is to be contained in Site-83 for further research. Two guards are to be stationed at the main entrance and deny entrance to the instance unless under specific instructions to the contrary.

Description: SCP-5810 is a phenomenon causing the manifestation of SCP-5810-1 instance(s) in vacant property large enough to house them. They typically manifest approximately once every month, though periods as long as three months without a SCP-5810-1 manifestation have been recorded.

SCP-5810-1 instances are unnamed grocery stores. SCP-5810-1's selection of items is entirely composed of citrus limons(commonly known as lemons)and foodstuffs derived from natural and/or artificial citrus limon flavor. SCP-5810-1 instances function as and provide the services of a typical grocery store. SCP-5810-1 instances will be closed to the public between the hours of 8:00 P.M. and 6:00 A.M. local time. SCP-5810-2 instances will dissolve into a substance identical to citrus limon extract once the SCP-5810-1 manifestation is approximately 40% demolished.

SCP-5810-2 instances are humanoid entities housed in SCP-5810-1 manifestations. SCP-5810-2 instances manifest in the uniform of security guards, cashiers, customer service employees, butchers, door greeters, and janitors. SCP-5810-2 instances perform certain tasks according to their appearance. SCP-5810-2 are amicable in nature and will often assist individuals inside SCP-5810-1 instances.

Exploration Video Log Transcript

Note: The SCP-5810-1 instance involved was manifested in a controlled environment within Site-83. This is the first instance of SCP-5810-1 reported to the Foundation.

Date: 4/11/2012

Personnel Involved: D-9101, D-2227

Subject: SCP-5810-1

---

[BEGIN LOG]

Command: D-9101, D-2227, please enter SCP-5810-1.

D-9101 and D-2227 enter SCP-5810-1 with 100 USD and a small bag on their person.

D-9101: Man, it smells really fruity in here! They have the whole building sprayed with Febreze or something?

An SCP-5810-2 instance in the appearance of a door greeter approaches them. The instance is smiling in a way that would suggest major muscle tears were caused.

SCP-5810-2: Nope, that's totally natural lemon fragrance! It's just store policy. What can I get you gentlemen?

D-2227: Yeah, hi, um, my parents are coming over for my Monday night football party and I was hoping you'd have some good stuff?

D-9101: And, I was wondering, is there was like a phone number to this place?

SCP-5810-2: Certainly, down aisle L3M there's some chips, taking a right there's the meat section You'll find some drinks as well. Also, the customer service number is ███-███-████. Have a nice day!

The SCP-5810-2 instance gestures toward the aisle directly in front of D-2227 and D-9101

D-9101: Thanks man.

Command: Follow the SCP-5810-2 instance's instructions.

D-9101 and D-2227 enter the aisle. The SCP-5810-2 instance previously mentioned is waving its right hand while looking towards the two D-Class rapidly as it flails its arm about.

D-9101: Damn, that dude was weird. I know this place is nothing but weird stuff and that guy is probably made of spiders or donuts or something, but like-

D-2227: Right? I didn't think you could literally smile from ear to ear.

Command: Inspect this aisle.

D-2227 and D-9101 cease walking adjacent to various packaged snack foods.

D-2227: What the hell is this? Is that…sour cream and lemon chips?

D-9101: jokingly Well at least they're better than those damn ones with onions.

D-2227: Go to hell, those are good chips!

D-9101: At least they don't have the vinegar ones…wait a minute. Damn it, they do!

D-9101 selects a bag from the aisle, removes a small portion of the packaging, and consumes one of the chips concealed inside. D-9101 begins to violently cough.

D-2227: The hell, are you ok?

After 15 seconds, D-9101 ceases coughing.

D-9101: It's nothing…it's just…salt and vinegar chips really suck.

D-2227 laughs.

D-9101: I also cut my finger on the bag, cheap crap.

D-2227 pauses for a moment before speaking.

D-2227: Look at these! Leys, Letzels, Loritos, all this crap. I was in law school before I got roped into this SCP crap, and I can tell you this place is headed towards one hell of a lawsuit.

Command: Take a few samples and put them in your bag. Go to that restroom at the end of the hall.

D-9101: Alright, dad.

D-2227 and D-9101 place a few packages of snack foods in their bags and enter the lavatory.

D-2227: Hey, look at this.

D-2227 and D-9101 begin to inspect a placard mounted on to the lavatory wall. It displays a picture of a citrus limon and several claims of the health benefits caused by the consumption of such.

D-2227: "Will help prevent cancer."

D-9101: "Improves digestive health."

D-2227 pauses for a moment while inspecting the placard before suddenly speaking.

D-2227: "Prevents explosions!"

D-9101 laughs.

D-9101: That's for sure, huh? Maybe lemons won't make us randomly burst into flames or something.

Command: Please remove the poster and place it in your bag, D-2227.

D-2227 attempts to remove the placard from the wall but is unable to do so.

D-2227: It's only stuck by a pin, but it won't come off-

In the attempt to retrieve the placard, D-2227 creates a tear in it.

D-2227: Damn it!

Command: Relax. Get a clear view of the poster and I'll take a photo. In the meanwhile, D-9101, could you please describe your surroundings?

D-2227 positions himself in front of the placard while Command prepares to take a photo using D-2227's head mounted camera. D-9101 glances around his surroundings and begins to describe them.

D-9101: Um…well, the walls are yellow of course. But there's little green bits randomly.

Command: Like stems?

D-9101: I guess. Those sinks look like lemons too.

D-9101 walks over to the sink and it activates automatically. He places his hand under the running liquid, screams loudly, and pulls his hand back.

Command: What is the problem, D-9101?

D-9101: Those bastards…use lemon juice in the sink!

D-2227 chuckles. D-9101 enters one of the stalls. Inside is a latrine filled with light yellow liquid.

D-9101: I'm just testing something, and not with the cut up hand this time!

D-9101 kneels and lowers his hand into the latrine's water basin. He inhales near his now raised hand.

D-9101: Smells like lemon…

D-9101 places his index finger in his mouth and pauses for a moment.

D-9101: Lemon juice again?

D-9101 pauses for another moment before gagging.

D-9101: Nope, definitely piss.

Command: The photo has been taken. Please exit the restroom and approach the butcher's shop.

D-9101 and D-2227 both exit the lavatory. While walking towards the butchery, D-9101 ceases walking adjacent to a shelf containing various alcoholic beverages.

D-2227: What?

D-9101 places three bottles and several cans of liquid in his bag.

D-9101: If I'm gonna get plastered, why not try lemon wine? I've never had-

Command: D-9101, D-Class are prohibited from the consumption of alcohol or anomalous materials beyond test-

D-9101: Yeah, I know man. This is gonna go to some damn management guy or something. You want some champagne with my hard work? Or maybe-

Command: Approach the butcher's shop, D-9101.

D-9101 mutters obscenities to himself before continuing to approach the butchery. After 27 seconds of travel, D-2227 and D-9101 arrive at the butchery. Various meat products are displayed below the counter. It is impossible to view the interior of the butchery of as the window is obscured by a metal sheet. D-2227 begins to read off a notice placed on the metal sheet.

D-2227: "We're sorry, we're closed for now! Please come back later." Huh, even in a weird lemon grocery store everything's broken.

D-9101 pauses for a moment and then presses his ear against the metal sheet.

D-9101: Listen.

Command: Raising video volume now.

A faint metallic scraping sound is heard.

D-2227: Is that…a blender? No, dragging?

The metallic scraping sound previously mentioned ceases. Both D-Class move from their positions.

D-2227: The hell was that?

D-9101: I don't know man, this place has been freaky the whole time. Might've been meat grinder or-

D-9101 rubs his eyes in a rhythmic pattern for three seconds before his hand.

D-9101: God, my eye!

D-2227: Ha, lemon hands!

D-9101 approaches D-2227.

D-9101: I'll show you lemon hands you little-

Command: That's enough, D-9101. We have collected enough data. You and D-2227 are free to exit SCP-5810-1 once you purchase your collected items.

D-9101: You got lucky, pal.

D-9101 quickly returns to the exit of SCP-5810-1.

D-9101: Does this place have any sinks that don't give lemon juice?

SCP-5810-1: Nope! It's great, isn't it?

D-9101 sighs.

[END LOG]

Note-Items collected were successfully retrieved. D-9101 and D-2227 retrieved with minor and no injuries respectively.

+ D-5611/SCP-5810-2 Interview Log

Interviewer: D-5611

Interviewed: SCP-5810-2

Note-Interview conducted over telephone. D-5611 will ask a SCP-5810-2 instance several questions provided.

<Begin Log>

D-5611: Hello?

Telephone Voice: Hello, and welcome to our customer service cellphone hotline!

D-5611: I was hoping to ask you a few questions-

Telephone Voice: If you have complaint, press one. If you have a suggestion, press two. If you would like to talk to a representative, press three. If you have another inquiry, press four.

D-5611 places his finger on button labeled "3" on the telephone's keypad.

Poor quality music emanates from D-5611's telephone for 27 seconds.

D-5611: You'd think there'd be less traffic because of the whole no customer thing.

Music continues to emanate from the telephone for another four minutes. D-5611 becomes visibly agitated.

D-5611: Oh come on, man!

Music continues to emanate from the telephone for another seven minutes.

D-5611: If I have to spend another minute on god damn minute I'll take this phone and toss it across the-

Dr. Lonan, an observer of the interview, speaks.

Dr. Lonan: Keep a level head, D-5611.

D-5611: You keep a-

SCP-5810-2: Sir?

D-5611: Wait, um, yeah?

SCP-5810-2: I've been here for the last five minutes silly! You should've just said something!

The security detail observing D-5611 laugh.

D-5611: Wait, huh? Whatever, who is this?

SCP-5810-2: This is Calvin from customer service, how can I help you?

D-5611: Hey there Calvin, I have a few questions about the store.

SCP-5810-2: I'm always happy to help! Fire away.

D-5611: Alright, first up, what are the origins of your store?

SCP-5810-2: That's a strange way to put it, but I'd be happy to tell you! Back in 1974, our founder Eio L. Lem had a vision, one he'd had since he was a boy. Both his parents and both sets of grandparents were unfortunately killed by giant metal death machines as heroes landing on the beaches of Sicily during Operation Fire Spitting Pasta Burning Dragon in 1943. He was inspired by their sacrifice to pull himself up by his bootstraps and rise out of the super-duper-extreme poverty line at the ripe old age of seven. He loved lemons so much, more than his family, his country, his life, everything! He worked hard and eventually earned enough money to open up his own lemon shop. He opened another, and another, and eventually his enterprise grew to the size you see today! When he died in 1998 after sacrificing himself to save 30,000 babies from a burning building, 20,000 of the world's best attended his funeral. Gorbachev, MLK, Gandhi, Miklos Horthy, and more were all there! Even God was there to say a few words. And that is our story.

D-5611: Very interesting. I had never heard of Operation Fire Spitting Pasta Burning Dragon, I always thought it was called Husky.

SCP-5810-2: Husky was just a sideshow, Fire Spitting Pasta Burning Dragon was the true battle. Mr. Lem's family caused 97% enemy casualties that day! Churchill himself described the Lem family as the "fourth prong of the trident". Of course this is all verified by 2,700 of our trusted historians!

D-5611: Alright, question two. Where do you hire from?

SCP-5810-2: Oh, only the best of the best! Millions apply every day and of those we might not even hire any! I hate to brag, but I personally fed an entire village of 700 in Bangladesh with only my organic farm that I solely plant, water, and harvest with only my hands, grit, the most basic tools, and a smile on my face! And I almost didn't get the job too, some lady who cleaned 50 miles of Nigerian beach alone almost got the job. And even then the employees we do hire are expected to start from the bottom, work 170 hours a week and overtime, be inspected every week, and always provide a service with a smile. Of course we are also we treat our employees well, they say so and they wouldn't lie!

D-5611: Next, where do you acquire your products?

SCP-5810-2: I mean no harm in saying this, but these are weird questions man! Stop worrying so much about how we hire, loosen up! I think you'd love to hear about some great sales we have on dairy things now, we're always hiring by the way, would you like to hear about how green we are? I think you do, we never dump anything in water, we always dispose of them in clean ways. Only recyclable plastic is used-

D-5611: No, Calvin, how do you acquire your products?

The SCP-5810-2 instance's speech slows and appears panicked.

SCP-5810-2: I'm not sure I can tell you that, I'm just customer service.

D-5611: Sure you can.

SCP-5810-2: Um, well we harvest only from, you know, locally. Where ever the store is built we buy from the closest orchard, and of course, like, we only buy from places that treat their workers well. It's just the, you know, right thing to do. We only get vegetarian meat and stuff, because, uh, we don't support the factory farms-

SCP-5810-2 pauses.

D-5611: Continue.

SCP-5810-2: Wait, um.

D-5611: Yes?

Shuffling sounds are heard through the telephone. SCP-5810-2's breath is audible and its speech is now a whisper.

SCP-5810-2: Are you a cop?

D-5611: No, I'm not a cop-

SCP-5810-2: Oh, this isn't good. With the FDA and NRC on us I'm in some hot water. What'd I do? Was the food too sour?

D-5611: Now hold on a second Calvin-

SCP-5810-2: Oh god-

The telephone connection is manually canceled by SCP-5810-2.

D-5611: Oh come on, just when it was getting interesting.

D-5611 attempts to reconnect his telephone with SCP-5810-2.

Telephone Voice: Hello, and welcome to our customer service cellphone hotline! If you have complaint, press one. If you have a suggestion, press two. If you would like to talk to a representative, press three. If you have another inquiry, press four.

D-5611 places his finger on button labeled "3" on the telephone's keypad.

Telephone Voice: I'm sorry, but there are no available representatives at the moment. Please try again later!

D-5611 places his finger on button labeled "1" on the telephone's keypad.

Telephone Voice: I'm sorry you had an unpleasant experience with us! Tell us your concern now please.

D-5611: My representative hung up on me during our conversation.

Telephone Voice: Invalid.

The speaker of the telephone expels flames into the body of D-5611 at approximately 300 km/h. D-5611 suffers burns on his head, neck, right arm, and chest. D-5611 releases the telephone and collapses onto the ground. After 13 seconds, a member of the security detail extinguishes the flames with a nearby fire extinguishes and D-5611 is quickly delivered to the infirmary. D-5611 expires upon arrival.

[END LOG]

Note-Three hours after the interview was conducted, the carcass of a SCP-5810-2 instance was discovered outside the entrance of the SCP-5810-1 instance manifested within Site-83. A name badge with with the name "Calvin" transcribed on it was attached to the instance's clothing. The two bullet wounds discovered on the skull strongly indicate firearms as the cause of death. The firearm residue discovered on the SCP-5810-2 instance's clothing was noted to have a strong odor of citrus limon.

+ THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENT REQUIRES LEVEL THREE CREDENTIALS OR ABOVE TO ACCESS. PLEASE ENTER CREDENTIALS.

INCIDENT REPORT

---

INCIDENT #: 5810-001
DATE OF OCCURRENCE: 7/23/12
——
On 7/23/27, D-2227 and D-9101 participated in a test involving the SCP-5810-1 instance
manifested within Site-83. They were to attempt to exit the instance with a product that they had
not purchased. There was no unusual activity until D-2227 and D-9101 attempted to exit the
instance, following test procedure. Two SCP-5810-2 instances in the attire of security officers
manifested and grasped their clothing. They were violently moved to the entrance of the butchery
and moved inside. The interior housed heavy machinery and containers of unknown liquid. D-
2227 was violently forced to enter the machinery. D-9101, though resisting for a minute
and 57 seconds and successfully neutralizing one of the SCP-5810-2 instances, is also violently forced
into the machinery. Both D-2227's and D-9101's video and audio feeds cease once entering the
machinery.

Products containing the DNA of D-2227 and D-9101 were discovered three weeks later in the
products of a SCP-5810-1 instance located in São Paulo, Brazil.