Per 
Item #: SCP-3309-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3309-J is to be guarded at all entrances by two armed guards at every entrance to the establishment. Guard rotation must commence every 6 hours, to prevent fatigue.
It is currently forbidden for any personnel below Level 5 clearance to attempt to enter the building, and any who have gained access and attempt to order anything must be immediately terminated.
Description: SCP-3309-J is a Waffle House located in ███ ████████, America. The establishment is manned by 5 employees, none of which have been observed to leave their posts. Likewise, the Waffle House has not been closed since it was bought to foundation attention.
The building itself is completely indestructible, and any damage that is attempted upon it will be completely ineffective, leaving no scars or cracks of any kind. This was evidenced by a Magnitude 6.5 earthquake in ████, where the building was the only one in the entire area to be entirely undamaged afterwards, despite being extremely close to the epicentre. The interior has also shown to be immune to damage, and the employees are seemingly
The menu options of the Waffle House have also shown to be anomalous. When a person attempts to order anything on the menu that isn't Waffles, they are given Waffles. All attempts to get the Waffles swapped for the requested item simply results in the delivery of more waffles. If a person specifically asks for waffles, however, they are handed a bowl of viscous, black sludge. Tests have shown that the sludge has a high pH level similar to Sulphuric Acid, but triggers an extreme level of euphoria when ingested, triggering the person to compulsively continue eating it until they expire.
In an estimated █% of all transactions, a person asking for waffles will actually be given a singular waffle. However, tests on these waffles, along with those received by asking for other items, have shown that the flavour is incredibly bland, and has been described as simply being "Just a waffle". Some test subjects have been driven to tears by this apparent lack of flavour, and remain inconsolable for several hours afterwards.
Addendum: The following is a transcript of an initial test on SCP-3309-J's indestructibility, recorded on ██/█/██
Foreword: D-4463 was transported to the location of SCP-3309-J, and handed a large metal sledgehammer. D-4463 was selected for the experiment due to his muscular build and acute upper body strength. Armed guards were on standby in case D-4463 attempted to escape.
<Begin Log>
Researcher ████████: You have your hammer ready?
D-4463: Yes Sir, I do.
Researcher ████████: Perfect. Then just hit everywhere on the structure. Try to cause as much damage as possible.
D-4463: With Pleasure.
D-4463 proceeds to repeatedly hit the sledgehammer against the nearest window, and reacts with noticeable shock when nothing happens.D-4463: What the fuck? It didn't break!
Researcher ████████: Understood. Please try other parts of the building.D-4463 immediately lunges at several other parts of the building, getting more agitated as he is unable to leave a mark.
D-4463: This isn't right. No one builds Waffle Houses to be reinforced!
Researcher ████████: Duly noted. Please enter the building and try to cause damage on the interior.
D-4463 runs inside the Waffle House, and proceeds to swing the sledgehammer around erratically, bringing it down hard on every surface in his general vicinity. No damage is sustained on anything that is hit.
D-4463: Fuck this. [runs back outside] You got anything else?
Researcher ████████: Actually yes.
<End Log, [optional time info]>Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterwards]
On behalf of the majority of the SCP Personnel, I demand that we find a way to destroy this Waffle House. The gall this place has, to serve Waffles when you don't want Waffles, then fucking black acid sewage when you DO, is inexcusable. Figure out what makes it tick, then burn it to cinders. ASAP.
