Canadian Dalek

Item #: SCP-3823

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment procedures: SCP-3823 is to be kept in a secure storage locker at Site 77. Only personnel with level 3 clearance or higher may use SCP-3823. Object is only to be used on-site in Gun Range 3, or any gun range with tungsten carbide lined walls. Under no circumstances are personnel wearing SCP-XXXX to be allowed to pick up objects made primarily of tungsten, uranium, osmium, or any other elements, compounds, or alloys harder than iron and weighing more than 1 kg without clearance from at least two level 3/3823 personnel or higher. Personnel attempting to do so are to be tranquilized and detained, pending interrogation.

Addendum XXXX-a: After the events of test XXXX-5, tests involving objects made of alkali metals weighing more than 1 kilogram are strictly forbidden.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a pair of plastic ballistic safety glasses made by the CRBUN Corporation (investigation ongoing). Etched into the right arm are the words "Warning: do not use empty-handed." SCP-XXXX displays no anomalous properties until it is put on, at which point any object(s) (hereafter referred to as SCP-XXXX-1) picked up by the subject that are vaguely firearm-shaped and held like a firearm, will act like a firearm. whenever the subject pantomimes pulling the trigger, SCP-XXXX-1 will eject a piece of itself (referred to as SCP-XXXX-2) from the "muzzle" matching the volume of the standard ammunition of the gun it most closely resembles (and is being held like) at said firearm's standard muzzle velocity, ranging from 200m/s to [REDACTED]. This action can only be repeated once Subject makes movements matching those required to chamber the next round, unless the weapon mimicked is semi- or fully automatic. Process of "shooting" can continue until object is completely used up, with the type of firearm mimicked changing as the object shrinks (and the subject's grip consequently changes), until [DATA EXPUNGED].

Discovery: SCP 3823 was discovered in █████ █████, Wisconsin, in 1994 after Mitchell █████ robbed a bank using an extendable clamp. The report caught the attention of an agent embedded in the local police precinct, who immediately alerted the Foundation of a possible new SCP. MTF Epsilon-6 ("Village Idiots") was deployed and raided Mr. █████'s house, managing to recover the object, but also terminating Mr. █████ in the process (See after action report XXXX-ε-6).

After action report 3823-ε-6
The following is a video transcript of the raid on Mitchell █████'s house
<Begin log>
[Retreival team ε-6 alpha arrives on location, and disembarks from the vehicle. The team is still approaching the house when sergeant J. ████████ disappears in an explosion. a few seconds later, floodlights on the roof turn on, and gunfire is seen coming from the windows]
Captain H. ██████: IED! Take cover!

[The team retreats to the trees while under fire from the house.]
Corporal M. ██████: that was a pretty big explosion. Profile didn't match anything I've ever seen. Was that part of the anomaly?
**H: I don't know, and I don't care. Karen! Get the minesweeper, and get a blast shield on it!

Test log XXXX-1
Subject: D-XXXX-1, former Spec Ops
Object: 2m x 3cm iron rod with bolt action rifle stock affixed to one end
Procedure: Subject put on glasses, instructed to pick up "gun" and "fire" it. Subject complies.
Results: A piece of the rod, volume matching that of a .38 standard copper round, was ejected from the end at 500 m/s, and a loud bang was heard, accompanied by a bright orange flash. Subject expressed amazement. Slow motion analysis, along with the rust pile on the floor, showed that a 4 cm long section of the rod directly behind the end underwent complete, instantaneous oxidation, ejecting the "round" and causing the aforementioned flash and bang. How SCP-XXXX caused this is currently unknown.

Notes: I wonder what would happen with a non-oxidizing metal, such as gold?

Test log XXXX-2
Subject: Same as previous
Object: Same as previous
Procedure: Same as above, subject instructed to pull the "trigger" again.
Results: First pull: same as above
Second pull: Nothing happened. Subject was instructed to "Chamber the next round"[sic]. Subject complied. Subject instructed to "pull the trigger" again.
Third pull: same as first test

Test log XXXX-3
Subject: Same as previous
Object: 2m x 3cm gold rod with bolt action rifle stock affixed to one end
Procedure: Subject instructed to pull trigger. Subject complies.
Results: A piece of the rod, volume matching that of a .38 standard copper round, was ejected from the end at 500 m/s, and a loud bang was heard, accompanied by a bright white flash. Slow motion analysis, along with a chemical analysis of the dust pile on the floor, showed that a 2 cm long section of the rod directly behind the end underwent complete, instantaneous combustion, causing the aforementioned flash and bang, and creating a previously unknown compound, Gold III Nitride. Recorded temperatures reached over ██████K at the site of combustion, but were contained inside the "barrel" by an as of yet unknown means.
Notes: It appears that SCP-XXXX will use whatever elements that are available to it to cause an explosion behind the projectile. - Dr. ██████████<

Test Log XXXX-4
Subject: Same as previous
Object: 2m x 3cm potassium rod with bolt action rifle stock affixed to one end and braced with copper wire
Procedure: Same as previous
Results: Sensors recorded a 5% drop in humidity, and a 2% drop in airborne oxygen as a piece of the rod, volume matching that of a .45 incendiary round, was ejected from the end at 650m/s. A loud bang was heard, accompanied by a white-orange flash. Slow motion, chemical, and target analysis showed that a 1cm section of the rod right behind the end underwent complete, instantaneous combustion, ejecting the round, and causing the aforementioned flash and bang. The round exploded upon entering the ballistic gel target, yield consistent with total conversion to potassium hydroxide, combined with the total combustion of the resulting hydrogen. Curiously, the wire mesh supporting the rod was not affected by SCP-XXXX, instead appearing to act as a barrel.<

It should be noted that after this point, all tests involving alkali metals were moved to Area ██, in the [REDACTED] Desert.

Test Log XXXX-5
preliminary notes: all rocket launcher tests were moved to Area ██, in the [REDACTED] Desert. Tests were performed outdoors. -Doctor ████████, Project Head
Subject: Same as previous
Object: 1.2m x 12.7cm potassium rod, supported by a copper wire mesh, with the grip and sights of an FGM-148 Javelin mobile missile launcher attached to it
Procedure: Same as above, subject was instructed to acquire missile lock on the target before firing.
Results: The entire rod was ejected from the mesh at 10 m/s, then began to hydrolize as a propulsion mechanism. The "missile"'s trajectory, speed and flight profile matched that of an FGM-182 Javelin in top attack mode, reaching the target approximately 3 seconds after launch. Remaining potassium detonated on impact, with around 5 times the yield of an actual missile.

Test log 3823-6
Subject: D-3823-2
Object: Subject's index finger
Procedure: Subject instructed to make a finger gun and "fire" it.
Results: The tip of the subject's finger down to the first knuckle was ejected at 500m/s. This was caused by the next segment (between the first and second knuckles) exploding, spraying bone fragments in a cone shape behind the projectile. Subject was treated, and made a full recovery before monthly termination.

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? GET OUT, THERE'S NO PORN BELOW THIS
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I wasn't joking. seriously, get out