canned_talent

a helpful parrot

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in the site-19 aviary wing and cared for like a non-anomalous yellow-naped parrot. All vocalizations produced by SCP-XXXX are to be recorded and documented in Log XXXX-1. Personnel with immediate family or friends who are victims of unsolved kidnappings are not permitted access to SCP-XXXX, to prevent a conflict of interests.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a male yellow-naped parrot¹. SCP-XXXX frequently makes vocalizations when prompted with a treat². These vocalizations always consist of a name followed by an address. The name and address refer to a kidnapping victim whose case went unsolved, and their current location. To date, SCP-XXXX has only spoken the names of victims that were still alive when rescued by foundation personnel, and only victims within the borders of the country SCP-XXXX is in at the time of the vocalization. If no address is available, SCP-XXXX will vocalize GPS coordinates instead.

Apart from the vocalizations, SCP-XXXX shows no signs of higher intelligence, and is generally consistent with other members of its species, both physiologically and behaviourally. SCP-XXXX has been allowed to mate with another of its kind, and the resulting offspring were non-anomalous.

Addendum: When first prompted by foundation personnel, SCP-XXXX vocalized: “[NAME_1]. 18429, 123 fake street, Portland, Oregon.”
Upon researching the name given by SCP-XXXX, it was discovered that [NAME_1] was the victim of an unsolved kidnapping from 2015. A Mobile Task Force (maybe too extreme) was dispatched to the given address, the home of [NAME_2]. They found [NAME_1] restrained in the basement. Both were questioned about SCP-XXXX, with neither having any knowledge of it or it’s properties. Both were amnesized, and returned to the house they had been found in, where the local authorities were promptly contacted under the guise of an anonymous tip. [NAME_1] was rescued by police 10 minutes later, and [NAME_2] is now facing 25 years in prison.

The gang kidnaps Alex Jones

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a standard humanoid cell. SCP-XXXX refuses to eat any meals given to it, so it is to be briefly sedated and food administered intravenously twice a day. SCP-XXXX refuses to comply with foundation personnel, and is known to become increasingly aggressive when interrogated.

Description: SCP-XXXX, formerly designated PoI #1284(Alex Jones), is a 46 year old caucasian male. SCP-XXXX was the host of the popular conspiracy theory radio show "InfoWars", hereby referred to as SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX possesses the ability to spontaneously generate classified information about the foundation and several GoIs. This information has ranged from completely mundane to posing minor security risks³. The information can be found scattered seemingly at random throughout various episodes of SCP-XXXX-1, however they are somewhat rare, and most of the information in the show is entirely irrelevant.

Prior to Event XXXX-A, SCP-XXXX-1 was under light foundation investigation, and a Level-1 disinformation campaign was in effect to discredit all ██ of SCP-XXXX's minor breaches of confidential information, but no further action was pursued due to non-threat posed by the leaks.

List of PoI 1284's predictions:
the time the foundation accidentally made a bunch of frogs gay.
all the reptilian politicians.
etc.
(the racist stuff isn't anomalous, thats just alex jones)

Event XXXX-A: On ██/██/2019, SCP-XXXX-1 presented a major breach of Class-5 top secret information on [REDACTED], which was otherwise only available to the O-5 council. A full scale Level-6 cover up was necessary to maintain the veil. The episode was removed from all platforms, and SCP-XXXX was brought into foundation custody. Once the veil was deemed safe, a thorough investigation was performed of all foundation personnel with the potential to access the sensitive information, however no evidence of espionage or file theft(find right term) was discovered. The lack of any leads led to the discovery of SCP-XXXX's anomalous capabilities, and subsequent classification as an SCP.

Capture and cloning: Following Event XXXX-A, SCP-XXXX was covertly taken in and replaced with a foundation controlled clone to maintain normalcy. Clone #5555 will continue to diminish SCP-XXXX's public reputation and discredit the show until an ideal time arises to remove SCP-XXXX and SCP-XXXX-1 from the public awareness.

Addendum: On 10/03/2020, Clone #5555 was commanded to self-terminate under the cover story of a car crash due to impaired driving. As of now, SCP-XXXX is believed to be dead by the general public. SCP-XXXX will remain in containment indefinitely.

Footnotes

1. Amazona Auropalliata.

2. SCP-XXXX has been known to vocalize entirely un-prompted on rare occasions. This occurrence appears to have a correlation with the urgency of the victim’s situation, though further testing is required.

3. So far, event XXXX-A has been the only example of a breach higher than this.