CapitalD

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class:

Special Containment Procedure:

Description: SCP-XXXX is a trick for opening cans of alcoholic beverages originating from the town of Pond Creek, Nova Scotia. SCP-XXXX-1 is the designation for anyone under the effects of SCP-XXXX. The procedure for performing SCP-XXXX are as follows, assuming the tab of the can is facing north:

  • Step 1: Bend the tab of the can without breaking the seal.
  • Step 2: Make a small indentation on the north side of the can near the top, and another on the east side around the middle.
  • Step 3: Lightly tap the seal of the can 4 times
  • Step 4: Express gratitude towards a religious figurehead. (Belief in said religion is not required.)
  • Step 5: Place the can in mouth, and use teeth to open it

The anomalous properties of SCP-XXXX begin upon completion of step 5. First, the contents of the can used to perform SCP-XXXX will disappear from it's container and the body of SCP-XXXX-1 will metabolize the equivalent amount of alcohol that was in the drink. Once SCP-XXXX-1 reaches a blood alcohol content of 0.06 they will no longer be able to be effected by any kinetic force that they are not aware of or lack the ability to perceive, and any kinetic force that SCP-XXXX-1 anticipates they will experience will occur despite their propulsion lacking any discernible source. If the can used to perform SCP-XXXX contains anything besides an alcoholic beverage, no anomalous effects will occur.

SCP-XXXX was first discovered on XX/XX/XXXX when foundation webcrawlers report finding several videos of three young men performing feats that contradict the laws of Newtonian Physics, such as passing through solid objects, floating mid air, and on one occasion appearing to ride an invisible bike. The videos were taken down, and their source was traced back to Pond Creek. The individuals in the videos were later identified as Terry Gillis, Andrew Touesnard, and Jim Lang.

Exploration Video Log Transcript

Date: XX/XX/XXXX

Team Members: Dr. Velma Ramis and Agent Harold Cornelius

Objective: Locate the three individuals

[BEGIN LOG]

Person A: Dialogue

Person B: Dialogue

STUFF HAPPENS

Person A: Dialogue

[END LOG]