Photo taken by Junior Researcher Charles Alweiz after attempts were made at scrubbing SCP-4681-2 away
Item #: SCP-4681
Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4681 is to be closed off via a locked chain link gate topped with razor wire. Rooftops and streets are to be patrolled routinely by MTF Kappa-13 (“Falsehoods”) disguised as a fictional gang called the “Buccaneers”. No members are to have histories of drug abuse or other addictions. Locals and/or tourists who confront the Buccaneers about SCP-4681 are to be forcefully detained and amnesicized.
Buccaneers are required to have extensive knowledge of the French Quarter including, but not limited to Historical, Cultural, and Geographical. They are to maintain a public image as a gang, though are not to go farther than harassment of pedestrians. Severe action taken on civilians will lead to disciplinary action, decided by the Site-433 Overseer. In the event of an arrest by local authorities, members will go through the legal system usual until they are released from holding, at which point the records of their arrest will be erased by Foundation plants within the New Orleans police force and the arresting officers will be amnesticized.
Description: SCP-4681 is an alleyway within the French Quarter of New Orleans, Louisiana and located on ██████████ Street. It is characterized by the various graffiti designs covering its walls. One design in particular stands out, due to its location on the ground and vivid bright colors, reading “Under the River”. This design has been designated SCP-4681-2. SCP-4681-2 will not deteriorate over time, nor will any item obstruct it. When obstructed with items, SCP-4681-2 will anomalously move from its previous location until the obstruction is removed.
Individuals with a history of addiction feel compelled to enter SCP-4681, proceeding to attempt to gain access to SCP-4681. No amount of amnestics can counteract this effect short of completely changing the individual’s persona via SCP-████, and research to determine the cause of this resistance. Additionally, through unknown means, locals will begin spreading urban legends pertaining to SCP-4681. This behavior becomes more common with elders or those with experience in storytelling. See Incident Reports 4681-23 and 4681-25 for more information.
When that phrase is said aloud, a nearby door at the end of SCP-4681 will open and an entity referring to itself simply as “The Dealer”, officially designated SCP-4681-1,will emerge. SCP-4681-1 will ask the speaker of the phrase, from here onward referred to as “Subject”, what they want. SCP-4681-1 will obtain any item labeled as paraphernalia, contraband, etc. However, SCP-4681-1 will refuse to obtain non existent, unrealistic, exceedingly heavy items, WMD’s or weapons deemed inhumane.
Once requested, SCP-4681-1 will retreat behind the door and reemerge with the requested item and demand payment. If payment is declined, SCP-4681-1 will return within the door and refuse to emerge in the presence of the declining Subject from then on. A list of items successfully and unsuccessfully obtained items are contained in Addendum 4681-2.
Incident Report 4681-23
Warning: Site-433 Overseer Eyes Only.
Date: 9/14/20██
Location: New Orleans, Louisiana
Author: Senior Researcher █████████
Description: The tale told by a Local to Senior Researcher █████████ on Bourbon Street, recorded during a second telling once found again. Amnesticized afterward.
If you’re looking for something, this here’s the city to find it. Anything you need can be found here. Trade is what made this city. If it weren’t for the one watchin’ over it, there wouldn’t be none’ve it. What am I talkin’ ‘bout? Agwe, ruler of the seas, rivers, and lakes. That’s how most stuff gets ‘ere y’know. Comes down that there Miss’ippi, watched by Agwe. Every one’ve these people sellin’ you their ware, That’s Agwe too.
Now, if you wanna find somethin’ a bit harder to get, you’re gonna have to look a bit harder. Somewhere darker. You’d find that o’er that-a-way, right there down ██████████ Street. The fella livin' down that way’ll fix ye right up yes he will! Fix ye up with damn near whatever you ask, just gotta pay.
Yup… Just gotta pay.
| Item |
Description |
Result |
Comment made by SCP-4681-1 |
| 1g. - Crack Cocaine |
Illegal Drug, available in large amounts |
Success |
"Man I love that ████! You havin' a party? Ah whatever. Have fun." |
| 1g. - Black Tar Heroin |
Impure morphine diacetate, highly addictive and very dangerous |
Success |
"You sure you don't want somethin' that's… You know… Better quality? I got loads of better stuff. No? Whatever, just don't go ODin'. Hate to lose a payin' customer, y'know?" |
| 1g. - Marijuana |
A widely legalized and generally beneficial natural drug, however it is illegal in Louisiana |
Success |
"Shame this thing still ain't allowed. Only reason it is, is cuz some rope making dude saw it as a competitor! Some stupid mother████ers in this country." |
| Single Tab of LSD |
A potent, highly addictive, hallucinogenic drug |
Success |
"Boy, whatever party you're thinkin' of havin' that is not enough to get anythin' rollin' but yourself on the damn floor!" |
| AK-47 + 30 Rounds |
gas-operated, 7.62×39mm assault rifle |
Success |
"Oh man, I feel sorry for the sucka who made you boys mad." |
| S&W Model 586 + 30 Rounds |
Six round magnum revolver |
Success |
"Nothing wrong with a bit of protection. I call this one: 'Harvard'." |
| White Spray Paint |
A can filled with an aerosol white paint, often used in New Orleans to cover the bicycles of bike-related civilian deaths called "Ghost Bikes" |
Failure |
"White huh? Lemme guess, the young lady who died over on Saint Charles? Sorry, friend. Leave the Ghostin' to the family." |
| SCP-500 |
████████ █████ ███████ █████. Note: Only one capsule of SCP-500 has been obtained. Any attempts to obtain more have been declined. |
Success |
"Not many people know about this here bad boy. Just who are you folks, hm?" |
| SCP-3521 |
██████ ███████ ████ █████ ███ ████ ███. Note: Only 20 capsules have been obtained, though no attempts to obtain more have been made. |
Success |
"Whoever that Dado guy is, he was definitely on somethin' when he came up with that! Hoo boy!" |
| Fragmentation Hand Grenade |
A militarized throwable weapon |
Success |
"Just make sure you use earplugs. Them things'll give you tinnitus somethin fierce." |
| "Carrie" By Stephen King |
Stephen King's first published work, banned in libraries and book stores across multiple states in the US. Note: Jr. Researcher Alweiz, please refrain from using the SCP to add to your reading collection. |
Success |
"Young man, you certainly have some peculiar tastes. Are you sure you're right in the head?" |
| Mustard Gas |
sulfur mustard (Cl-CH 2 CH 2 ) 2 S. Highly dangerous, and highly illegal/inhumane |
Failure |
"That ████ is likely the most foul tasting thing I've ever encountered. Not only that, but only a monster would use it. I don't sell my wares to monsters. You ain't a monster, are you boy?" |
| M48 Cyclone Fixed Blade Knife |
A tri-edged knife with a twisted blade. Immensely difficult to treat stab wounds afflicted by the weapon |
Failure |
"Now I get you wanna take someone out, but this thing here ain't the way. Too easy. It's cool lookin' I'll give ya that. But I ain't givin' you the knife. |
| Nuclear Warhead |
explosive device that derives its destructive force from nuclear reactions |
Failure |
"Now you must be all shades of stupid. You really think I have one've those things? And even if I did, you'd think I'd just put it in a shoppin' bag and just hand it to you? Do you even know how big those things are? I'm an old man, and you're tryna break my damn back." |
| Orb Piercer Quill |
A fictional creature from the Japanese Manga: "Made in Abyss". Note: Jr. Researcher Alweiz, please refrain from using your personal reading material as inspiration for experimentation. |
Failure |
"What in the Sam-Hell is an Orb Piercer? Sounds like some sort of spider with a spear! You're makin' some shit up ain'tcha?" |
Per 
