Chilachinchila

Scp xxxx-j

Object class: Euclid

*Containment procedures:* Scp-xxxx-j is to be kept in doctor Cimmerian’s cabin t' be used at his owns discretion a standard-issue safe-class anomaly containment safe at site 17 with two armed guards patrolling its perimeter. The guards ain’t have permission to use non lethal methods to prevent any Foundation personnel from attempting to remove SCP-xxxx-j out of containment. SCP-xxxx-2 is to be kept in his ship alongside his loyal crew under house arrest until the effects of SCP-xxxx-j dissipate. See incident xxxx-6.

Description: SCP-xxxx-j is a standard-issue foundation recreational video game console that has an anomalous copy of the video game “Sea of Thieves” downloaded into its hard drive. It is unknown how the anomaly was downloaded, but it is believed a rival organization downloaded it onto the console to negatively affect site productivity. An investigation is ongoing. SCP-xxxx-j was previously owned by Ethics Committee head Dr. Jeremiah Cimmerian and was discovered after SCP-xxxx-j started to noticeably affect his behavior. Dr. Cimmerian will be classified as SCP-xxxx-2-j until the effects dispel.

When SCP-xxxx-2-j played SCP-xxxx-j it immediately started to receive a higher than normal amount of dopamine. This effect is present anytime SCP-xxxx-2-j plays SCP-xxxx-j, no matter how many hours SCP-xxxx-2-j has played it.

At five hours of continuous play time SCP-xxxx-2-j felt an overwhelming desire to continue playing the game to the point that it ceased eating, sleeping or working. At 12 hours of continuous play time it began exhibiting abnormal physical and behavioral traits. These include:

  • Rapid growth of facial and body hair.
  • Rapid decline in dental hygiene.
  • Compulsion to speak in a “pirate accent”.
  • Compulsion to dress like a pirate.
  • compulsion to greet people with the phrase “ahoyhoy”.
  • compulsion to spontaneously hum sea shanties.

At 24 hours of continuous play time, SCP-xxxx-j began to seek out other individuals affected by SCP-xxxx-j through the game’s online features. SCP-xxxx-2-j refers to these individuals as its “pirate crew”. SCP-xxxx-j can interact with these individuals regardless of if they reside on a different dimension to itself. Individuals that have been encountered include:

  • A chaos insurgency soldier [executed during a play session due to failing to keep up with their duties]. Gamertag: rebelyell.
  • Cthulhu the great dreamer. Gamertag: Kevin.
  • Johnny Depp [in character as Captain Jack Sparrow]. Gamertag: Johnny_D_Goode.
  • Captain Jack Sparrow. Gamertag: pirateslifeforme.
  • The ghost of Edward Thatch, commonly known as Blackbeard. Gamertag: blackbeer.
  • Edward Kenway. gamertag: bootyhunter.
  • A shark currently contained by the SPC foundation. Gamertag: ohgodpleasehelpmeithurtssomuch.
  • Dr. Cimmerian [a youtuber with no relation to SCP-xxxx-2-j] gamertag: yt:Dr_Cimmerian.
  • SCP-4498-Z.Kiryu. Gamertag: PirateQueen_Bright.
  • SCP-049. Gamertag: Corvus_D_Clemmons.

At 30 hours of continuous play time SCP-xxxx-2-j completely lost its grasp on reality, believing itself to be in the game’s pirate world. SCP-xxxx-2-j now refers to itself as “Captain Burnbeard” or “the scourge of the seven dimensional planes”.
SCP-xxxx-2-j is the only afflicted individual currently in foundation custody. It is currently under house arrest until the effects dispel from its mind. It has made repeated attempts to break SCP-xxxx-j out of containment and has modified its quarters to resemble a pirate ship. SCP-xxxx-2-j now has a compulsion to steal the possessions of other foundation personnel, calling them “his treasure”.

Incident xxxx-1: On 6/19/20 at 6:34 AM SCP-xxxx-2-j breaches containment and entered the quarters of Dr. Benjamin Kondraki without being noticed. SCP-xxxx-2-j then attempted to steal an Aquafina brand water bottle that had become attached to Dr. Kondraki’s genitalia. See incident-“ship in a bottle”. SCP-xxxx-2-j snuck into Kondraki’s bathroom while he showered and attempted to pull the water bottle off of Dr. Kondraki’s member. This caused Kondraki great pain but no serious injuries. Kondraki, being an experienced fencer, retrieved his rapier and attacked SCP-xxxx-2-j. SCP-xxxx-2-j reached into its coat and retrieved a cutlass and retaliated while humming the pirates of the Caribbean theme song. The sword fight continued until the two reached the site 17 cafeteria were detained by security personnel. It should be noted Dr. Kondraki was not dressed while the fight occurred.

Addendum: After an interrogation, it was revealed the cutlass was provided to SCP-xxxx-2-j by Dr. Bright to, quote, “see what would happen”. Due to this, Dr. Bright has been put in probation inside the body of a parrot for one moth, both as punishment and to better observe SCP-xxxx-2-j’s Behavior. This parrot was delivered to SCP-xxxx-2-j’s quarters.

Incident xxxx-2: On 6/19/20 at 11:49 AM SCP-xxxx-2-j breached containment and attempted to terminate a member of foundation personnel, Dr. Whitney. Dr. Whitney originates from a different dimension and has a reptilian appearance. SCP-xxxx-2-j expressed a desire to decapitate Dr. Whitney with it’s cutlass and present the severed head to his “mateys” to show to them that “he had slain the vile sea serpent that terrorized the 7 seas”. SCP-xxxx-2-j was detained by security personnel and returned to its quarters for house arrest.

Addendum: Once the anomalous effects of SCP-xxxx-j have subsided, SCP-xxxx-2-j is required to attend a anomalous persons sensitivity program held by the ethics committee before it can be reinstated to its position as head of the ethics committee.
Referring to Dr. Whitney as a “sea serpent” is not acceptable behavior. It is advised that personnel refer to Dr. Whitney as reptilian American or person of scales. Similarly, it is not acceptable to refer to professor Cain Pathos Crow as a “sea dog”.

Incident xxxx-3: On 6/19/20 at 2:12 PM SCP-xxxx-2-j broke into the foundation kitchen and stabbed a raw salmon to pieces with its cutlass, calling it “the abominable megalodon”. SCP-xxxx-2-j then attacked the kitchen crew, accusing the chef’s assistant, who was wearing an eyepatch, of being a rival pirate. SCP-xxxx-2-j was temporarily subdued after the head chef threw a live octopus at its head, covering SCP-xxxx-2-j’s eyes. SCP-xxxx-2-j began running around the room while yelling incoherently until it successfully removed the octopus from its head, only to have a second octopus thrown at it, at which point SCP-xxxx-2-j ran into a wall and knocked itself out, terminating both octopi in the process.

Addendum: SCP-xxxx-2-j now frequently brags about how it successfully defeated 2 krakens with its bare hands.

Incident xxxx-4: On 6/19/20 at 4:02 PM SCP-xxxx-2-j breached containment and made its way to the infirmary, where it began attacking a full body skeleton prop that was being kept on display. This was done primarily with its cutlass, however once the leg fell off SCP-xxxx-2-j began to repeatedly strike the prop skeleton with it until its rib cage caved in, at such point SCP-xxxx-2-j returned to using its cutlass. Once the prop skeleton’s head was cut off, SCP-xxxx-2-j felt satisfied and returned to containment by its own.

Addendum: SCP-xxxx-2-j stole the skeletons head and occasionally recites hamlet in its quarters when it believes nobody is looking, renaming the character of Yorick with “Captain Skellybone”.

Incident xxxx-5: on 6/19/20 at 4:46 PM SCP-xxxx-2-j breached containment and traveled to its former office. Once there it activated the emergency panic button located below the office desk, sending an urgent distress signal to Mobile Task Force Omega-1 (“Laws Left Hand”). The task force arrived at site 17 and assembled at the main hall. SCP-xxxx-2-j arrived waving a pirate flag [similar to the jolly Rodger design, with the skull replaced by the SCP foundation logo] and addressed MTF-O1 with the following speech:

SCP-xxxx-2-j: Ahoyhoy! Me loyal crew, it be I, Captain burnbeard. Thar has been a… Wha' are ye doin' dressed in those queer garbs? Why don€™t ye go get yourself some better rags? Somethin' like this, ye see? Ain’€™t I th' finest specimen o' humanity thar be? But yer cap'n be gettin' distracted. Thar has been a mutiny! I was arrested! arrested I tell ya! Taken t' th' London dungeon. They been keepin' me thar fer quite a while, but I tell ye, they€™ll ne'er break ole Captain burnbeard. I escaped, I 'ave been doin' some loot huntin' on me owns, some monster scuttlin', ye know? But I be gettin' bored, an' wha' be a Captain without his loyal crew? says I we grab our guns, 'n commandeer this fort! Teach these rotten ole bilge rats a lesson. To tell 'em “ye'€™re wrong about me addiction t' video games”! Whose wit' me?

O1-6: Yeah, why not? I mean we’ve barely been used here in the site. We’ve only been in , like, one article right? Why don’t we make this one count?

[the rest of the crowd cheer and begin repeatedly chanting “Burnbeard” in unison.]

MTF -O1 removed their body armor and replaced it with stereotypical pirate costumes they bought from the party city store located at the site 17 Commons room. They then fought site 17’s security forces using nerf guns and foam swords they also acquired at the part city store. MTF-O1 made their way to the site directors office where site director Shirley Gillespie was then forced at sword point by SCP-xxxx-2-j to walk the plank and jump from the observation window down to a ball pit that had been set up by Omega-1. Gillespie did this without injury, at which point MTF O1 became satisfied with the length of their appearance in this article and forced SCP-xxxx-2-j back to its cell.

Addendum: after incident xxxx-5 site 17 has reported a 37% increase in personnel morale. A request has been made to the O5 council to make July 19 the annual pirate day at the foundation, where personnel could come to work dressed as pirates and have a scheduled sword fight hour to relieve stress. Request is pending approval.

incident xxxx-6: on 6/19/20 at 5:06 PM SCP-xxxx-2-j played some vydia breached containment and did nuthin' It accessed SCP-xxxx-j the SCP registration terminal at which point it slay a sea beast edited its own article to speak o' his many great accomplishments alter its containment procedures and play some sea shanties this incident log. SCP-xxxx-2-j also showed off its many treasures accessed the foundation intranet and played th' most amazin' musical composition sea shanties written by itself over the loudspeakers. SCP-xxxx-2-j then call me by my real name CIMMERIAN COULD YOU FUCKING STOP alright alright alright I was jus' kiddin' around was I said my real name beaten by site security with excessive force and its unconscious body was dragged back to its cell. oh bollofjfkfkfjfksjdjfjcixo