ChillBoy

+ Alces_alces Critique

Special Containment Procedures:

SCP-XXXX cannot cause any immediate harm to any personnel as long as they do not come into to direct physical contact with SCP-XXXX.

This is unnecessary in the containment procedures.

SCP-XXXX-A is to be contained in a 5x5x5 meter steel cube attended by 2 armed personnel at all times.

Does it really have to be in a steel cube that is exactly this size? Also, 5m is ~15ft, making it ridiculously expensive and huge.

Description:

When any human comes into direct contact with SCP-XXXX they eventually become an instance of SCP-XXXX-A. SCP-XXXX-A is an exceedingly muscular individual with enhanced abilities akin to that of a fictional hero.

Earlier you make it sound like there is only one of these things. Why does the Foundation keep them around, why don’t they terminate them after testing is finished?

SCP-XXXX-A is currently an eight year old male formerly known as ████ █████.

There needs to be more about how many SCP-XXX-A instances there can be. The beginning makes me think there’s one, then the middle makes me think there can be multiple and then this makes me think there can only be one again.

Can there only be one SCP-XXXX-A instance? If that’s the case why don’t they make a D-class touch it, transfer the abilities, and then send the kiddo home to their family?

SCP-XXXX-A reacted violently to this assaulted the officers with a variety of large objects and its own techniques. Several officers were injured in this encounter with two being killed.

This is a kid. No kid put in this situation, unless someone was going to kill someone, would do this. They would maybe throw a tantrum but, I genuinely don’t think they would’ve killed.

Overall: This is just the cliche of thing that makes you fight good. I would strongly suggest you get the base idea polished up in the ideas and brainstorming forums. I didn’t do much with tone as I believe Dr. Carrol is better than I at it.

Good Luck Author.

+ DrCaroll Critique

Note: There's most likely a lot of things that I'll say that Alces also said, but I'll still give my two cents.

SCP-XXXX cannot cause any immediate harm to any personnel as long as they do not come into to direct physical contact with SCP-XXXX.

This could be removed because, if it doesn't cause harm without direct contact, there's really no use in mentioning it. If, however, there are properties that could cause physical/mental harm without direct physical contact, that might be worth mentioning; although, even then, maybe not in the containment procedures.

SCP-XXXX-A is to be contained in a 5x5x5 meter steel cube attended by 2 armed personnel at all times.

Are measurements for the containment chamber necessary for the object's ensured containment? For example, if SCP-XXXX-A wasn't in an exactly 5 m3 area, would it fail to be contained? If not, then measurements shouldn't be included in the containment procedures.

who cannot be cited in any known media.

I'd change this to "which does not resemble any known fictional nor nonfictional characters."

When any human comes into direct contact with SCP-XXXX they eventually become an instance of SCP-XXXX-A.

This could be the start of a new paragraph since it ends the physical description of the object. Also, "any human" could probably change to "a subject." And on top of that, what exactly is "direct contact?" I'd say go into more elaboration on that.

SCP-XXXX-A is an exceedingly muscular individual with enhanced abilities akin to that of a fictional hero. SCP-XXXX-A is extremely knowledgeable in all known wrestling rules, techniques, and famous wrestlers.

This little bit confuses me. Does the subject turn into a muscular individual? I'd probably say that "the subject undergoes extreme muscle growth alongside gaining intensive knowledge in the broad subject of wrestling including official wrestling guidelines, techniques, and famous wrestlers." I might be a bit too wordy there, though.

SCP-XXXX-A is able to perform these actions with such precision, skill, and lethal intent, that it would only be comparable to a seasoned veteran of the sport.

Clarify on "these actions." Say "SCP-XXXX-A instances are able to perform advanced wrestling move sets, commonly being move sets only used by season veterans of the sport." Although, I am very tired, and as I reread this, it might actually even be more awkward than yours. In short, the phrasing of this needs to be changed.

While SCP-XXXX-A is superhuman in almost all aspects it can be subdued with enough damage to its body. SCP-XXXX-A is currently an eight year old male formerly known as ████ █████.

"Superhuman" isn't clinical at all. I'd just say "Though SCP-XXXX-A instances have extremely high endurance and strength, the instances can be subdued in a manner similar to which a regular human would be." Also, I thought there could be more SCP-XXXX-A instances, so if there can be only one, then clarify that. If you just mean that there's only one current instance, then clarify on that as well by saying "current instance."

Recovery:

It almost feels like this just doesn't need to be here. It just says it was found after a child affected by it killed their parents. Also, what do you mean "mauled?" Do you mean "mutilated?" Mauled implies that there was some biting and scratching involved and is usually only used when animals cause it.

Overall, it just seems like a generic magic item that does nothing other than make you an expert wrestler with violent tendencies. There's not much to work with here and there's nothing to grab nor hold onto my attention.

+ Alces_alces Critique 2

Formatting:

The interview needs to be properly formatted. May I suggest looking at the How to Write an SCP Guide.

Special Containment Procedures:

Public surveillance is to be monitored constantly for any sighting of SCP-XXXX. Once spotted a MTF is to be sent to the location of the object.

These two sentences should be put together. Also, should be an MTF.

The child is watched for 6 hours.

What child? This is never mentioned up until this point

If no anomalous properties are displayed the residents should be amnesticized and the child returned

May I suggest rewording this, “If no anomalous properties are displayed the residents the child should be amnesticized and returned to their residence.” or something similar.
Description:

figures of indeterminate origin

You could replace this with something like “figures lacking a brand or a form of identification.” please note that this isn’t polished clinical tone just an example.

SCP-XXXX-A describes a child affected by SCP-XXXX. This occurs when a child makes direct contact such as touch with the skin with SCP-XXXX.

“SCP-XXXX-A instances occur when a juvenile, under the age of twelve, comes into physical contact with SCP-XXXX.” Mention something of SCP-XXXX-a being created earlier.

All attempts to cause a reaction from anyone over the age range have failed

This is assumed

No attempt to halt or reverse this effect has been found.

“All attempts to reverse the effect have ended in failure.”

There is no limit on how children can be affected at once.

This is assumed

There is no limit on how children can be affected at once.

This is a cliche known as a “rage state” and it is usually looked down upon.
Addendums:
The dialogue doesn't quite seem like a kid who just hurt someone. This dialogue in this is played too much towards giving information to the audience rather than building a compelling character that we, the audience, can feel sorry for.

Overall: I mean eh, once again this is just another thing that turns people strong. Have you run this through the ideas and brainstorming forums?
Good Luck Author.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Public surveillance is to be monitored constantly for any sighting of SCP-XXXX, once spotted an MTF is to be sent to the location of the object. If a child was at the residence at the time of manifestation the child should be watched for 6 hours.

If no anomalous properties are displayed the residents and the child should be amnesticized and returned to their residence. Should the child become an instance of SCP-XXXX-A they are to be detained and brought to Foundation custody immediately. Every instance of SCP-XXXX except the one in storage is to be destroyed. SCP-XXXX-A is to be contained in a steel cell attended by 2 armed personnel at all times.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a set of action figures that do not match any known brand that produces action figures. The figures appear to be of a muscular male wrestler which does not resemble any known fictional nor nonfictional character. SCP-XXXX will randomly manifest in a child's possession every 2-3 weeks. The only known connections between these children are the fact that they come from abusive households and are between the ages of 6 and 12.

SCP-XXXX-A instances occur when a juvenile, under the age of twelve, comes into physical contact with SCP-XXXX. After approximately five hours the child will begin to undergo extreme muscle growth for an unknown period of time. All attempts to reverse this effect or stop it completely have met with failure.

After being fully transformed the instance of SCP-XXXX-A usually expresses great emotional distress due to their physical appearance being heavily altered. Though the subject typically accepts this new form in the span of a few minutes. SCP-XXXX-A usually has the mindset and mental capabilities of a typical child and remains docile.

However, if the instance is harmed or adequately provoked with enough verbal abuse it will begin to enter a state in which their self-preservation is greatly enhanced. In this state, the more anomalous effects of the entity are shown including but not limited to elevated strength, elevated endurance, and elevated reaction speed. The durability of the instance does not change and remains that of a normal human.

SCP-XXXX-A seems to have no control over this state and often vocalizes its shock after the state has subsided. Currently there are ███ instances of SCP-XXXX-A is Foundation custody. Several solutions on how to deal with the abundance and scale of this phenomena are being proposed.

Addendum: SCP-XXXX was first found in an suburban neighborhood in ██████, ████ on March ██ 1994 when several people reported that no one had exited the █████ Residence in several days. Civilian law enforcement investigated the household and found two dead bodies with a muscular individual weeping near them. When attempting to apprehend the individual it reacted swiftly incapacitating all the officers. The Foundation soon took action and sent a MTF to tranquilize the entity without being seen. SCP-XXXX was later found in the house. An interview was conducted to learn the nature of SCP-XXXX-A-01's anomalous abilities.

Transcript of Interview XXXX-01:
Interviewer: Dr. Tom

Dr. Tom: What is your name?
SCP-XXXX-A-01: Logan █████.
Dr. Tom: What happened to your appearance?
SCP-XXXX-A-01: I don't know doctor one minute I'm playing with my toys and then I wake up to this.
Dr. Tom: Was there anything in particular that you noticed before or after that?
SCP-XXXX-A-01: I don't know doc. Wait there was this action figure that I don't remember getting. It was just there that morning.
Dr. Tom: (Writes several notes) Now why did you attack those officers.
SCP-XXXX-A-01: I didn't want to but my body didn't listen to me.
Dr. Tom: Could you explain yourself?
SCP-XXXX-A-01: When they attacked me my body moved on its own and hurt them.
Dr. Tom: I see. Okay, last question, why did you kill people in the house with you?
SCP-XXXX-A-01: (Starts to tear up) Mommy and Daddy never liked the old me. I thought they would be happy with new me. (Breaks down into full weeping) They just got angrier and tried to hurt me even more. So my body hurt them.
<End Log>