Per 
Great minds think alike.
Item #: XXXX-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXX-J is to be kept within a standard medium object storage locker when not in use. When being experimented on, SCP-XXXX-J is not to be connected to any Foundation internal networks.
Description: SCP-XXXX-J is a (brand/model) server, manufactured in 2012. SCP-XXXX-J is physically identical to non-anomalous servers of the same model, though it has an aftermarket modem card installed in one of its PCIe slots. SCP-XXXX-J runs Windows Server 2012, hosting an installation of Microsoft SQL Server Standard Edition. Analysis indicates that SCP-XXXX-J's database contains all information possibly knowable. However, no clients are allowed to connect to the database directly, and any attempts to retrieve the data from the server's physical storage using other systems have failed.
If a phone is connected to any port on the modem card using a standard RJ12 cable, users can call the number ███-████, at which point an anomalous entity will answer. This entity, hereafter referred to as SCP-XXXX-J-1, calls itself "Edna" and asks the caller to "call me Grandma." SCP-XXXX-J-1 appears to have access to a computer running Windows (version) as its operating system, which appears to be the only computer capable of querying SCP-XXXX-J's database. However, on the start of every call, SCP-XXXX-J-1 warns the caller that it does not know how to use the computer well at all, forcing the user to deliver verbal instructions on how to use the computer. SCP-XXXX-J-1 displays no recollection of instructions relayed to her between calls, though it will remember previous callers and discussions (albeit referring to all callers as "Johnny," regardless of whatever name they state).
