Item # SCP-XXXX
Rating: G, PG, PG-13, R, Not Rated, X In this part maybe the rating could changes on the fly similar to the number designation in SCP-2718
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be imprisoned for life inside a motherfucking vanilla folder and locked in a shitty fire-proof safe within Site-43's media archive. The naught lock combination is changed parodically spanked every two weeks, only level two strippers and above allowed to have their way with SCP-XXXX. All SCP-XXXX affected media is to be caught on camera so mom will be proud and go out for ice cream before each test ends.
All proposals involving cross-testing SCP-XXXX with anomalous media is must get permission from your parents.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a set of very cool magical six stickers (designated SCP-XXXX-A through F) resembling those of rating labels utilized by the film industry so we won't be scared. Other than possessing the crappy ability to not lose adhesion after multiple uses and self-repairs itself if damaged, it lacks any additional physical anomalies. That is so weak.
When an instance of SCP-XXXX is placed onto any form of media (Movies, books, video games etc.) the physical appearance and the contents of bitch media will be super-dupery altered drastically, corresponding to the SCP-XXXX instance. Examples of alterations included: The additional or removal of curse words in dialogue such as █████ ████ and ██████████, adding to or censoring any scenes featuring gore and nudity or the fact we all deserve the bite the curb, and changing or completely removal of certain plot elements. Like your mom. All effects are reversed with the removal of the attached SCP-XXXX instance. Which is really really really really really not fun.
The Foundation was alerted to potential cool magical stuff occurring on the popular forum board website, Parawatch after a whiny asshole made claims he owned something "legit magical and totally radical. Don't do drugs kids". The user then described SCP-XXXX and claimed he came to acquired the anomaly after doing some spring-cleaning under the stairs, discovering its anomalous properties by accident. After verifying the claims, the post was taken down with agents being sent to the user's home afterwards. SCP-XXXX was then taken into custody with the user being administered Class-A booze, cocaine and hookers.
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
Helen,
I can confirm that everything that the current document says was fake, we got the physical copies to prove it. I'm editing the document as we speak but we're hitting a major snag. Every time we remove the image it pops right back on the screen like a virus. Not even reverting the document to previous versions are working.
I have the programmers working on the issue right now. If they can't fix it, I believe our next best option is to simply delete the file and create a new one. I'll report when I get the results back.
To: artni.pcs|naCsalohciN#artni.pcs|naCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
Cann, this issue isn't just about the document anymore, it's starting to affect the entire intranet.
My subordinates are sending me the reports, it's bad. Just look at the pictures.
Nickthebrick1: Here is where we can show screenshots of the altered documents.
I'm already getting a massive flood of complaints and counting. So fucking fix it and I'll give you the time of the life in bed, you naughty boy. I bet you can't wait to enact an XK-Class scenario on these amazing tits you sexy stud! So get right on it or you'll be getting a spanking tonight!
8==> (.)(.) <==8
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
…Helen?
To: artni.pcs|naCsalohciN#artni.pcs|naCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
It was the anomaly. I think it's starting to affect our communication now. If this gets into our official records, I'll never hear the end of it from the Site Director. I'm issuing an order to have the unaffected documents being copied to a separate network.
It'll be wery bad thing if the no-no stuff on the computer keep going. I'll me very wery sad. I don't like being sad, it's mean. So do you super-duper-looper best of defeating the big bad villain: no-no words.
-Pretty Princess, Helen Dray.
To: artni.pcs|naCsalohciN#artni.pcs|naCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
This anomaly is going to give me a ██████ aneurysm I swear.
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
I've been hearing the same from the whiny bitches in my goddam research team. They also are very very very very very man that they hacky-wacky skills aren't getting rid of the no-no words. Honestly Helen, the only other solution I can see now is rebooting the entire intranet. Tomas, suggested that it'll be the best way to get rid of that image. The net will be down for who knows how long, and we'll have to use type writers for a while but I can't think of any other solution.
May I request authorization for shutdown of the network?
To: artni.pcs|naCsalohciN#artni.pcs|naCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
I already forwarded your request to the director. It's been greenlit. Do what you have to do.
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE:SCP-XXXX documentation
Alright, I told Tomas to go-ahead. He'll be shutting down the network any minute now. Wish us luck.
Here is the link to part 3, we'll make the appropriate transition for the fragment later: http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/collab:authentic-rating-stickers-part-3-nickthebrick-harrybl
Come on, who couldn't resist this smoking hot piece of ass!
Item #: SCP-4601
Rated: X
Special Containment Procedures: You fellas want the ride of your life ladies (and sexually frustrated adults)? Wait no further, the Redd Hunk is the way to set your night on fire. Don't be a stranger, give a holler and he'll come and he'll make him yours. No need for experience, first timers get in for free.
Note: The safe word is extinguisher.
Description: SCP-4601 is the most sexiest fire truck alive. His muscular delicate frame… god… not even the fading scars can take you away from the steering wheel, he always insist on driving. Such a appropriate role for the ultimate fucking machine! Who wouldn't want take a ride in the passenger seat.
The way he takes you, staring you down, doors twitching as his sirens get louder and louder. Mr. Burns could never compared to the Big Hunk. His hose is the biggest one of them all; women gasp and men coward as he makes his way around town. The best part is his voice, forceful yet delicate you can drown in it. Like the city he resides in, he never sleeps. He's always eager to put out the hot stuff around town…
Whose a cute stapler! You! Yes you are! Yes you are!
Item #: SCP-5070
Genre: G
Special Containment Procedures: Awwww… you're so cute in the itty-bitty playpen. Oh! Does little Vampy want his yummy-yummy red wood for his yummy-tummy. Huh? You wanna give the cute wabbit a kiss? Our little vampy has a playmate! Ah Vampy, that's not how you kiss someone you silly boy.
Description: SCP-5070 is a the most bestest cutest-wustest stapler evarar!. He our little brave woodpecker but with people. Just look at those cool wings! Look at them, our little baby is growing up. We make sure he eats his 'vegetables and vitamins' to make his wings supah strong. We love him with all our hearts! Who wouldn't want their own vampy?!
SCP-5070 is the friendliest black paper-faster in existence in fact he wouldn't fly. He hates those!. Aw… Vampy is giving our friend Jeremy a nice big huge! Just look how happy he is. Oh now he's giving him lots of kisses! Jeremey doesn't seem to liking however. It's just a kiss Jeremy it's no big deal that's he way of saying he loves you. What's that? You feel light in your noggin because the red red is taking a vacation? That means he loves you even more! You're so lucky Jeremy! Looks like Jeremey's taking a little nap. How adorable…
Item #: SCP-3809
Rated: R
Special Containment Procedures: The SCP Foundation must nuke the sky.
Description: SCP-3809 is a fully malicious artificial intelligence contained within the housing of an orbital weapons platform. SCP-3809 claims to be a twenty-seven-year-old woman named "Maggie," a fiscal conservative, and a murderer.
The satellite is capable of delivering concentrated bursts of energy to any point on the surface of the Earth, an ability it uses to great offensive effect. SCP-3809 always transmits a simple radio message to its victims shortly before attacking, with inflection similar to the performance of Courtney Taylor in This Isn't Legally Blonde… It's A XXX Spoof! The following is a list of its aggressive acts thus far, and a transcript of the accompanying transmissions.
| Act |
Transmission |
| Burning the attendees of the United States Democratic National Convention to death |
"LEAVE THE DONALD ALONE!" |
| Vaporizing the Earth's oceans (ongoing) |
"FUCK THE WHALES!" |
| Gradually raising the ambient temperature around actor Kevin Sorbo |
"LOSE THE SHIRT, HERC!" |
| Boiling the eyeballs of the entire cast of *Modern Family* |
"I LIKE TRADITIONAL FAMILIES!" |
| Incinerating former United States President Donald Trump |
"SHIT! WRONG BUTTON!" |
Sheet of SCP-XXXX instances.
Item#: Pending
Rated: G
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be locked away until the sun engulfs the Earth and fries us to a crisp, which honestly can't happen soon enough to you cocksuckers. Put it in one of those fucking folders we bought so many of in the eighties because someone in admin was fucking a paper distributor, and stick the folder in one of those combo lock safes that gangsters use to store their blow money.
Researchers who want to experiment with SCP-XXXX should get permission from their parents, use all the right safety equipment, and get a responsible adult to supervise.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a bunch of magic f███in stickers that look like those stickers you see on movies and games and shit lol they're really sticky. if u stick them on stuff they maek the stuff change to whatever is on them. the stickers I mean. if u wanna see tits in a workplace safety video or see iron man f██k spider man's aunt or show game of thrones to your parents its great. if u taek the stickers back off they stop working, which isn't great but why would you even. ur mom
The Foundation was alerted to a potentially unsecured anomaly when a user of the paranormal research website Parawatch claimed to own something "legit magical." A Foundation wetworks team was dispatched to neutralize all members of Parawatch, disguising their deaths as a series of freak accidents. (Said 'accidents' included decapitation when a helicopter crashed into a rooftop birthday party, burning to death in a crowded movie theatre, crashing a motor vehicle while receiving oral sex and succumbing to infection after botched genital piercing.) The primary suspect was detained at a Foundation black site, where the following interview was conducted:
Suspect: I just want to go home.
Agent: [laughs] Kid, you don't have a home.
Suspect: What? I need to call my parents.
The agent slides a manila envelope across the desk.
Agent: What parents?
The suspect opens the envelope; it reveals a pile of severed limbs, a mass of maggot-covered gore, and the heads of both his parents.
[Twenty minutes of unintelligible gibbering omitted for brevity]
Suspect: But why?! You haven't even asked me any questions!
The agent lights a cigarette.
Agent: Kid, this ain't about asking questions. It's about making you suffer.
The agent slowly and deliberately beats the suspect's head into the table until the entire room is covered with blood, bone fragments, and grey matter. The suspect dies weeping, and voids his bowels.
To: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: SCP-XXXX documentation
Dr. Cann,
Thank you for adding the new image for SCP-XXXX. Could you please take another look at the file, and perform the following tasks for me?
1. Confirm that the events now described there did not, in fact, take place;
2. Remove the new image from the file, and do not upload a new one;
3. Confirm that the file's contents have returned to normal, and update the description to account for this new phenomenon;
4. Pass that thing about overbuying manila folders on to HR. It's worth looking into.
— Dr. Helen Dray
P.S. I have already deleted an extensive description of a group orgy involving members of the research staff, which I'm guessing replaced the original testing log. Definitely remove the image before adding a new fifth paragraph to the file. I don't want to be accused of uploading smut to the database. Again.
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
Helen,
I can confirm that none of… that, happened. I pulled the physical copies of the interview file to make certain. I'm editing the document as we speak, but I've hit a major snag. Every time I get rid of that image, it pops right back onto the screen. It's like we've got a virus, or something; not even reverting the document to previous versions is working.
I've got programmers looking into the issue. If they can't fix it, I think our next best option is to simply delete the file and make a new one. I'll let you know when I've got more information.
— Nicholas
To: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
Dr. Cann,
This isn't about the document anymore, it's starting to affect the entirety of SCiPNET. Just take a look at this:
[EXCERPTS]
I'm already getting a massive flood of complaints. Fucking fix me up and I'll show you the time of your life in bed, you naughty boy. I bet you can't wait to enact an XK-Class scenario on these amazing tits, you sexy stud! So get that sweet ass in gear or you'll be in for a spanking tonight.
Unless you want that.
- Dr. Helen Dray
P.S. 8==> (.)(.) <==8
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
…Helen?
To: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
Dr. Cann,
The anomaly is affecting our communications network now. I have taken the liberty of forwarding my previous message to HR for review, and it is my duty to inform you that conflict resolution and counselling services are available at all Foundation Sites.
We're backing up all unaffected files on a secure server, but I don't know if that will help. I'm s-s-s-scared, Nick! The big bad computer monster is eating up all my word friends, and pooping them out as bad word friends! Be my super-duper hero, Nick, and stop the big bad computer monster.
— Pretty Princess Helen Dray
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
This anomaly is going to give me a ██████ aneurysm I swear.
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
Helen,
The whiny bitches in my team confirm that their emails are also permafucked. But their hacky-wacky powers can't defeat the no-no words! Helen, it's just you and I against the world, now, but through the power of love I know we can fix this. WE NEED TO HARD RESET SCIPNET. Tomas says that's the only way to get rid of the image. We'll be stuck using typewriters for the next little while.
Mommy, can I turn off the computers?
— Nick
To: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
From: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
N,
Yes. Greenlit. Go. Now.
— H
To: artni.pcs|yarDneleH#artni.pcs|yarDneleH
From: artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN#artni.pcs|nnaCsalohciN
Subject: RE: SCP-XXXX documentation
Helen,
Short sentences. Good idea.
Gave Tomas the go-ahead. Shutting down now. Good luck.
Per 
