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[…] These efforts would focus on low-risk targets of minorly anomalous nature. Following a holding period for initial assessment, these would then be transferred to Site-90 for processing as deemed appropriate. This protocol should allow the Foundation to contain a number of anomalies which might otherwise go unnoticed, as well as give the Site's Researchers and Containment Techs a headstart on the documentation and analysis of incoming anomalies.
Dr. Reginald read over the cover letter of his proposal yet again, wary of any error or typo he might have somehow overlooked in all of his previous proofreading efforts. Not that finding it now would be of any use. Each member of the review panel, currently seated opposite him at the table, already had a copy in front of them. But in these anxious minutes between concluding his presentation and responding to questions from the panel, Reginald embraced any diversion from his nervousness. At last, someone cleared their throat. Chin up. Deep breath.
"Does this proposal really serve the Foundation's interests?"
"I believe it does, sir. A proactive approach to identifying and containing these anomalies will reduce the chances of a civilian stumbling upon them first, which could be disastrous in any number of ways."
"You feel this Outpost can be staffed by a single operative?"
"Yes, ma'am. With partial support from Site-90's personnel as needed. But the routine duties, as outlined, can be seen to by just myself."
"[A third question. Because rule of three.]"
"[A third answer.]"
Hushed whispers between Site-90's senior staff members. Ruffling sheets of paper. The pound of a stamp. Approval.
"No, that won't do." Reggie paced back and forth in his office, one hand holding his phone and the other clenched in a fist. "Absolutely not! How can- … Damnit, she's just a child! … How can that even- … Why?!" Reggie's scowl grew more intense as he listened to what he was being told. "Alright," he growled through gritted teeth. "Alright, fine then. … Fine! But I'm putting in a requisition for more of that solution. And it better come through quick." With that, he ended the call.
You have 1 new message.
Hey Reg! It's Justin here. Calling because we're, ah, we're reviewing some logs here for month-end and, ah… Well, it's looking like there's a bit of a dropoff in how frequently you're, uhh, in touch with us here at Site. Now I went ahead and pulled last month's, plus the month before, and it does look like, ah, like a bit of a trend there. Yeah… So, ah, gimme a call back when you can, right? Because, well, it's gonna- gonna have to go up the chain here if I can't get ahold of you. Okay? So, ah, yeah. Thanks!
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He shook the thought off and checked the time: 10:27 PM, time to run night procedures. He swept the glass from the floor, trashed it, and walked out of his office. He stopped at the supply closet, grabbed a mop, tinted cognitohazard-safety goggles, a set of keys, and and a coloring book. He closed the office door to hear small footsteps behind him.
"Rosie, what are you doing out of your room? We're all about to go to bed."
She responded as coherently as a 4-year old could, "Chase me!" She ran down the halls, and Reginald simply walked after her, trying his best to not make any noise. As he was about to catch her Rosie ran right through wall into her room. Reginald sighed and unlocked her door to find her trying to pick up a small doll. Her hand simply passed through it.
"Now, Rosie, don't you be waking up the other kids, okay?"
"Okay, Weggie", she responded. Reginald took out a small translucent key, stuck in a keyhole in the wall, and turned it. With this, Rosie was able to pick up her doll and climb into bed.
"Goodnight Rosie"
"Goo'night"
Numerical designation: Entity 73
Date and Location of Recovery: 7/14/17, Greenpoint
Age: 4
Containment Measures: Non-Corporeal Entity Stabilization Unit installed in Entity 73's quarters. Unit has portable-use capabilities, but should be returned to its place when not in use.
Anomalous Properties: Has the ability to phase through solid matter.
Physical Description: short, black hair, green eyes, Caucasian
Reginald walked back out into the hall to hear a faint shriek like a dog whistle, and covered his ears. "Ah shit", he mumbled to himself.
He ran four doors down, opened the door and immediately handed Jared the coloring book. Jared's high pitched whines turned into small sobs, then complacency as he took interest in the coloring book. He calmed down, started to draw, but before he could even realize, became sleepy and slumped over on the floor. Reginald lifted him into bed, turned the lights out and slipped out.
Numerical Designation: Entity 38
Date and Location of Recovery: 8/8/16, Upper East Side (Manhattan)
Age: 9
Containment Measures: Entity 38's effects are typically not harmful so long as 38 is engaged in activity or otherwise distracted. Ear defenders (or other adequate hearing protection) must be available for all personnel in the event they are required.
Anomalous Properties: Prone to vocalizations which gradually increase to an unnatural and potentially hazardous volume.
Physical description: Tall, curly brown hair, blue eyes, mixed descent, prominently Hispanic.
Luckily, the commotion hadn't woken up any of the other kids. Reginald checked their rooms to make sure they were all asleep. As he approached John's room, he readied the mop, and unlocked the door. John was fast asleep on his bed, but in his room remained orange juice covering the floor. Reginald mopped up the orange juice as quietly as he could while John slept. After five minutes of mopping, he looked up at John to see his bed lightly stained with more of the tart drink. Reginald just smiled to himself and went back out to the hall, locking the door as he left.
Numerical Designation: Entity 12
Date and Location of Recovery: 5/20/16, Long Island City
Age: 7
Containment Measures: Standard cleaning supplies may be used in response to Entity 12's anomalous effect. This should be carried out as often as deemed necessary.
Anomalous Properties: Entity 12 regularly produces small volumes of orange juice from its skin pores.
Physical Description: Average height, straight brown hair, purple eyes, strong Russian descent, Slavic
His last check of the night was Vivian's room. Goggles on his face, he opened the door slowly. There Vivian sat on the edge of her bed, legs to her chest, arms around them. She was the oldest of the bunch, and thus Reginald had a harder time dealing with her. She stared at Reginald as he walked in, or at least he thought so, as the goggles blurred her into a shady outline.
"Why am I not allowed to go outside, Reggie?"
"We've had this discussion Vivian, you're not like the other people, you're more special, you have a gift that they don't understand."
"Oh really? Do I? Take your stupid goggles off, then!"
Reginald didn't change his expression and tried his hardest to stay sincere, "Vivian, you know I can't do that. That's part of your gift." She jumped off the bed and attempted to storm out of the room, only for Reggie to block the door.
"Vivian, go to bed", his voice stern.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong with me, or why I'm here, or who wants me to stay here!" She refused to move.
"Vivian, I-… I can't do that, and you know that. You're a smart girl an-"
"WHY AM I HERE REGGIE?"
He hastily backed out of the room and locked the door behind him, Vivian's screams persisted from the other side of the wall. The goggles were cast to the floor as Reggie strode quickly to his office and sat at his computer. On the surveillance monitor, in the panel showing the specially filtered feed of Vivian's room, Reggie could see she was sitting aganst the wall in the same posture as when he'd first entered her room. Even as just a shady outline, Reggie could recognize she was sobbing. He pressed a couple buttons on a panel he'd labeled 'If Necessary' and a thin gray gas filled her room; before long she was asleep on the floor.
Numerical Designation: Entity 7
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: [TBD]
Containment Measures: Entity 7 must remain in its personal quarters at all times. Video surveillance equipment is modified with cognitohazard-filter lens. Personnel must wear cognitohazard-filtering safety goggles at all times when interacting with Entity 7.
Anomalous Properties: Entity 7 induces a petrification-like effect on any subject that maintains visual contact. Further study of this effect is not feasible at this time.
Physical Description: N/A
Reggie sat with his head in his hands, a teardrop fell to his keyboard. This was becoming all too common; it began to feel like the difficult days were outnumbering the positive ones. He left the computer and climbed into his bed, but could not sleep. He tossed restlessly in his sheets, all his troubling thoughts kept coming and going and returning again. Was it my fault? Should I have known it couldn't be done? They'd scrap the whole program if I told them that. He turned and buried his head in a pillow. It isn't quite what I outlined in my proposal, but it should be adaptable after the fact. After showing the demand. Haven't I shown them? How important this is? How much it's needed? How much it means for them? Is it so unthinkable that we might actually do something good when it's in our power to do so? He had very nearly drifted off when a gunshot outside snapped him wide awake.
Across the street, through the heavy rainfall, Reggie could see two teenagers standing and facing each other. A pistol clutched in hand, an expression of shock and terror; but both belonging to the bigger of the two. The shorter teen (or were they even older than 12?) calmly removed a bullet from his chest and dropped it on the ground. The armed teen turned and ran, the boy returned his hand to the place where he had been shot (Reginald, later, would note that not even a scar remained).
Reginald's excited reaction was nearly instant. He hurried down the flight of stairs and into the front hall, even running into an endtable barely slowed him down as he fumbled to turn on the lights. His coat hung on the wall, nearby sat the backpack he kept stocked for just such a situation: flashlight, standard-issue taser, signal flares, low-grade amnestics kit, some snacks and bottled water, and a spare jacket. Jerking his arms into the sleeves of his raincoat, Reggie swung the bag over his shoulder and sprinted out the door.
Out in the cold, wet, New York City night, Reggie caught sight of the boy just up the road: strolling casually and casting glances down each alley they passed by. Typical noises of the city at night were muted and distant, the sound of puddles splashing under heavy footsteps rose as Reginald tried to catch up with the only other person out on the sidewalks. The boy glanced back, did a double-take as he registered that there was a stange man running toward him, and disappeared around the next corner. 'Oh bother,' Reggie thought to himself.
Two pairs of feet now pounding pavement echoed down the narrow alleyway. Reggie might have tried calling out, if he thought he could spare the breath to do it without slowing down. For a couple blocks he strained to keep up, until finally the kid hit a dead end in a derelict construction site. Reggie slung his bacpack under his arm so he could reach inside. A moment passed where all that could be heard was each party struggling to catch their breath, and rainfall echoing through the incomplete structure.
"Please," said Reggie, still panting. "I'm not going to- … not trying to hurt you."
"Get that light out of my face, man!"
Reggie had taken out the flashlight to illuminate the dim room; upon realizing he was shining it right into the poor boy's eyes he promptly cast the beam downward. "Sorry," Reggie apologized. "That other boy back there, he shot you… Are you okay?" The child didn't respond, but was slowly inching toward a small gap in the crumbling wall nearby; not wanting to allow Reginald to close the distance between them. Reggie resolved to try talking gently from where he currently stood, lest he have to give chase once more; or worse, lose track of the child completely.
"It's a cold night out," Reggie began a new tactic. "You could probably use…" Reggie set his backpack down in front of himself, trying to retrieve the coat from the bottom without letting any of the other items spill out. The boy, curious, edged slightly closer. Reginald triumphantly pulled the coat from the bag, and held it for the boy to take.
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Finally they were back: Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted. The once bright and colourful sign was now worn and faded, hanging loosely askew from its place on the building. It was tacky and in disrepair, but in this neighbourhood that made it completely inconspicuous.
Having settled Daniel in one of the (few remaining) unoccupied rooms, it was there Reginald conducted his interview. He began with noting the official assessments: name, age, appearance, anomalous conditions. Reggie spent more of the time asking after 'less official' information about Daniel: his history, previous living conditions, what did he like to eat? It was very late before the boy drifted off to sleep and Reginald silently withdrew to his own office space.
(Profiles collapsibles w/ personal notes here)
Reginald was about to start a new entry for Daniel, but he stopped short as his eyes settled on one particular file. An 'inactive file' that could have been archived away in a different folder and left alone, but Reggie hadn't done that. Instead, he did now what he always did: opened the file and, for the nth time, read what he had written there.
(Grace collapsible here)
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Site Director Andrews was sitting, staring at the Incident Report that had been on top of his desk since that morning. He glanced up when Assistant Site Director Albrecht tapped on the door.
"Come in," he said with a wave of his hand.
Dr. Albrecht took a seat. About a minute of uncomfortable silence passed before she finally spoke up.
"It was made to seem viable on paper." Albrecht hesistated briefly before continuing. "A lot went wrong in practice, though. Projected capacity for entities was exceeded, human resources weren't made use of…"
"One person can't take care of all that themselves," Andrews said. "Especially when they're off the wagon."
"Agreed. Did you see the notes he had for each of the k-… excuse me, entities? 'Claims she knows 'Panish, but I know that silly goose is lying.' Does that sound professional to you?"
"No, it does not." Andrews rubbed his forehead and sighed, visibly frustrated. "He clearly can't handle it. We should have pulled the plug on this thing before the breach. Now we've got half a dozen anomalies loose all at once in the country's most populated city… What's the situation on that now?"
"Pi-1's got eyes out for them right now. We've scrambled all the security and containment techs we can spare from Site, and have another containment MTF dispatched and en route."
"And the outpost itself?"
"All equipment recovered, building swept clean, no trace left behind." Albrecht added "Trust me. I went there myself."
"Good. I'll also trust you to continue coordinating the response effort."
Albrecht shifted in her chair. There was only one thing left to address. "So, as for…"
"Dr. Reginald himself, yes…" Andrews furrowed his brow and tapped his finger as he considered the decision. "Clearly not suited for any kind of management role; possibly unfit to work with humanoids at all. Hmm… There must be some low-value object storage facility in need of another containment technician." Andrews shuffled the sheets of the incident report together and returned them to the file folder. "I'll authorize a transfer, Human Resources can fill in the blank on where they need more bodies. Maybe he'll have time for self-reflection while he's sorting lockers in a warehouse somewhere."
"I agree, sir."
Papers were signed, the incident report was filed, and nobody at Site-90 spoke of Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted again.
Reginald remembered the moment like it was yesterday; waiting excitedly at his computer for the email notification sound that his project had been confirmed. He bit his lip in anxiety as he refreshed his inbox until… DING. Project accepted. He relaxed in his chair, his shoulders visibly slackening. He wasn't able to suppress the huge grin on his face, nor could he suppress his happy little chuckle. It seemed so simple then…
Reginald swiveled in his chair slightly, rain pattering on the window outside. He was filled with anxiety as he constantly refreshed his inbox. He sipped a small glass of scotch and ran his fingers through his short brown hair nervously as he waited for his salvation, for his deus ex machina, for his guardian angel to tap on the door, (if someone's guardian angel was composed of an adequate sum of money). At last, after he had broken the refresh key…
| Re: Funding Adjustment Request |
Reginald, Upon review of your most recent request for additional funding, I must advise that said request has been denied. As we have previously informed you: Until your project can be shown to reliably meet all of its stated objectives, no further expenditures will be considered. As it was you who conceived the program, you are responsible for having underrepresented the costs associated with maintaining it. The lack of any demonstrable benefits to our Site from this outpost as-is, combined with the incident which occured last March, are the main factors in our assessment. Bear in mind that there are numerous ongoing operations in your area which are considered a higher priority, and could make effective use of your currently allocated budget. Site-90 Office of Administrative Review, ~Dr. Albrecht |
He closed the email and threw his glass of scotch against his office wall. The first two denials were acceptable losses, but this one hit a soft spot. The windows were cracked, his leather chair was torn, he was running out of time before the walls fell down around his ears. The second to last line of the email reopened a wound he wanted to keep closed. Reginald understood it was his fault, but the Foundation failed sometimes too, right?, he reasoned.
He shook the thought off and checked the time: 10:27 PM, time to run night procedures. He swept the glass from the floor, trashed it, and walked out of his office. He stopped at the supply closet, grabbed a mop, tinted cognitohazard-safety goggles, a set of keys, and and a coloring book. He closed the office door to hear small footsteps behind him.
"Rosie, what are you doing out of your room? We're all about to go to bed."
She responded as coherently as a 4-year old could, "Chase me!" She ran down the halls, and Reginald simply walked after her, trying his best to not make any noise. As he was about to catch her Rosie ran right through wall into her room. Reginald sighed and unlocked her door to find her trying to pick up a small doll. Her hand simply passed through it.
"Now, Rosie, don't you be waking up the other kids, okay?"
"Okay, Weggie", she responded. Reginald took out a small translucent key, stuck in a keyhole in the wall, and turned it. With this, Rosie was able to pick up her doll and climb into bed.
"Goodnight Rosie"
"Goo'night"
Numerical designation: Entity 73
Date and Location of Recovery: 7/14/17, Greenpoint
Age: 4
Containment Measures: Non-Corporeal Entity Stabilization Unit installed in Entity 73's quarters. Unit has portable-use capabilities, but should be returned to its place when not in use.
Anomalous Properties: Has the ability to phase through solid matter.
Physical Description: Short, black hair, green eyes, Caucasian.
Reginald walked back out into the hall to hear a faint shriek like a dog whistle, and covered his ears. "Ah shit", he mumbled to himself.
He ran four doors down, opened the door and immediately handed Jared the coloring book. Jared's high pitched whines turned into small sobs, then complacency as he took interest in the coloring book. He calmed down, started to draw, but before he could even realize, became sleepy and slumped over on the floor. Reginald lifted him into bed, turned the lights out and slipped out.
Numerical Designation: Entity 38
Date and Location of Recovery: 8/8/16, Upper East Side (Manhattan)
Age: 9
Containment Measures: Entity 38's effects are typically not harmful so long as 38 is engaged in activity or otherwise distracted. Ear defenders (or other adequate hearing protection) must be available for all personnel in the event they are required.
Anomalous Properties: Prone to vocalizations which gradually increase to an unnatural and potentially hazardous volume.
Physical description: Tall, curly brown hair, blue eyes, mixed descent, prominently Hispanic.
Luckily, the commotion hadn't woken up any of the other kids. Reginald checked their rooms to make sure they were all asleep. As he approached John's room, he readied the mop, and unlocked the door. John was fast asleep on his bed, but in his room remained orange juice covering the floor. Reginald mopped up the orange juice as quietly as he could while John slept. After five minutes of mopping, he looked up at John to see his bed lightly stained with more of the tart drink. Reginald just smiled to himself and went back out to the hall, locking the door as he left.
Numerical Designation: Entity 12
Date and Location of Recovery: 5/20/16, Long Island City
Age: 7
Containment Measures: Standard cleaning supplies may be used in response to Entity 12's anomalous effect. This should be carried out as often as deemed necessary.
Anomalous Properties: Entity 12 regularly produces small volumes of orange juice from its skin pores.
Physical Description: Average height, straight brown hair, purple eyes, strong Russian descent, Slavic
His last check of the night was Vivian's room. Goggles on his face, he opened the door slowly. There Vivian sat on the edge of her bed, legs to her chest, arms around them. She was the oldest of the bunch, and thus Reginald had a harder time dealing with her. She stared at Reginald as he walked in, or at least he thought so, as the goggles blurred her into a shady outline.
"Why am I not allowed to go outside, Reggie?"
"We've had this discussion Vivian, you're not like the other people, you're more special, you have a gift that they don't understand."
"Oh really? Do I? Take your stupid goggles off, then!"
Reginald didn't change his expression and tried his hardest to stay sincere, "Vivian, you know I can't do that. That's part of your gift." She jumped off the bed and attempted to storm out of the room, only for Reggie to block the door.
"Vivian, go to bed", his voice stern.
"Not until you tell me what's wrong with me, or why I'm here, or who wants me to stay here!" She refused to move.
"Vivian, I-… I can't do that, and you know that. You're a smart girl an-"
"WHY AM I HERE REGGIE?"
He hastily backed out of the room and locked the door behind him, Vivian's screams persisted from the other side of the wall. The goggles were cast to the floor as Reggie strode quickly to his office and sat at his computer. On the surveillance monitor, in the panel showing the specially filtered feed of Vivian's room, Reggie could see she was sitting aganst the wall in the same posture as when he'd first entered her room. Even as just a shady outline, Reggie could recognize she was sobbing. He pressed a couple buttons on a panel he'd labeled 'If Necessary' and a thin gray gas filled her room; before long she was asleep on the floor.
Numerical Designation: Entity 7
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: [TBD]
Containment Measures: Entity 7 must remain in its personal quarters at all times. Video surveillance equipment is modified with cognitohazard-filter lens. Personnel must wear cognitohazard-filtering safety goggles at all times when interacting with Entity 7.
Anomalous Properties: Entity 7 induces a petrification-like effect on any subject that maintains visual contact. Further study of this effect is not feasible at this time.
Physical Description: N/A
Reggie sat with his head in his hands, a teardrop fell to his keyboard. This was becoming all too common; it began to feel like the difficult days were outnumbering the positive ones. He left the computer and climbed into his bed, but could not sleep. He tossed restlessly in his sheets, all his troubling thoughts kept coming and going and returning again. Was it my fault? Should I have known it couldn't be done? They'd scrap the whole program if I told them that. He turned and buried his head in a pillow. It isn't quite what I outlined in my proposal, but it should be adaptable after the fact. After showing the demand. Haven't I shown them? How important this is? How much it's needed? How much it means for them? Is it so unthinkable that we might actually do something good when it's in our power to do so? He had very nearly drifted off when a gunshot outside snapped him wide awake.
Across the street, through the heavy rainfall, Reggie could see two teenagers standing and facing each other. A pistol clutched in hand, an expression of shock and terror; but both belonging to the bigger of the two. The shorter teen (or were they even older than 12?) calmly removed a bullet from his chest and dropped it on the ground. The armed teen turned and ran, the boy returned his hand to the place where he had been shot (Reginald, later, would note that not even a scar remained).
Reginald's excited reaction was nearly instant. He hurried down the flight of stairs and into the front hall, even running into an endtable barely slowed him down as he fumbled to turn on the lights. His coat hung on the wall, nearby sat the backpack he kept stocked for just such a situation: flashlight, standard-issue taser, signal flares, low-grade amnestics kit, some snacks and bottled water, and a spare jacket. Jerking his arms into the sleeves of his raincoat, Reggie swung the bag over his shoulder and sprinted out the door.
Out in the cold, wet, New York City night, Reggie caught sight of the boy just up the road: strolling casually and casting glances down each alley they passed by. Typical noises of the city at night were muted and distant, the sound of puddles splashing under heavy footsteps rose as Reginald tried to catch up with the only other person out on the sidewalks. The boy glanced back, did a double-take as he registered that there was a stange man running toward him, and disappeared around the next corner. 'Oh bother,' Reggie thought to himself.
Two pairs of feet now pounding pavement echoed down the narrow alleyway. Reggie might have tried calling out, if he thought he could spare the breath to do it without slowing down. For a couple blocks he strained to keep up, until finally the kid hit a dead end in a derelict construction site. Reggie slung his bacpack under his arm so he could reach inside. A moment passed where all that could be heard was each party struggling to catch their breath, and rainfall echoing through the incomplete structure.
"Please," said Reggie, still panting. "I'm not going to- … not trying to hurt you."
"Get that light out of my face, man!"
Reggie had taken out the flashlight to illuminate the dim room; upon realizing he was shining it right into the poor boy's eyes he promptly cast the beam downward. "Sorry," Reggie apologized. "That other boy back there, he shot you… Are you okay?" The child didn't respond, but was slowly inching toward a small gap in the crumbling wall nearby; not wanting to allow Reginald to close the distance between them. Reggie resolved to try talking gently from where he currently stood, lest he have to give chase once more; or worse, lose track of the child completely.
"It's a cold night out," Reggie began a new tactic. "You could probably use…" Reggie set his backpack down in front of himself, trying to retrieve the coat from the bottom without letting any of the other items spill out. The boy, curious, edged slightly closer. Reginald triumphantly pulled the coat from the bag, and held it for the boy to take.
The pair of footsteps splashed along the sidewalk as they walked back the direction of the chase, towards Reginald's place. "What is your name?"
"Daniel."
"So tell me Daniel, what happened between you and that other boy?" he inquired.
"Well, we… we were havin' an argument and he decided to bring up my mom", he said slowly.
"What happened then?" Daniel refused to speak for the rest of the walk back. They passed many interesting buildings on their walk back. A flower shop that had been looted and covered in graffiti, a coffee shop that was now boarded up and overgrown with several species of weeds. Towards Reginald's place they passed a Mexican restaurant, of which its sign had been torn down and windows broken. Daniel stopped and stared at the restaurant with a certain yearning, not wanting to move.
"Everything okay, Daniel?" Daniel still didn't respond, and walked up to the restaurant. "I'd be careful Daniel, there's probably fifteen different diseases in there, you shou-", but he had already slipped through a hole in the door. Reginald jogged up to the same door, "Daniel? Daniel, where did you go? I don't want you getting hurt now." Reginald pried some of the door's boarding out of the way so he could enter as well. There he shined the light on Daniel standing in the far corner of the dining area, staring into the empty kitchen. The chairs in the dining area were either broken beyond repair or non-existent, the tables had all rotted, the carpets had stains every color of the rainbow. The walls of the place had already been covered in mold, and a fine brown dust hung in the air. "Daniel, are you okay?"
Daniel continued to stare into the kitchen, then turned around to face Reginald, "My dad used to work here." He broke down and started to cry, to which Reginald walked over and knelt down with him. He guided Daniel out of the restaurant and across the street.
Reginald pulled out his walkie-talkie and hailed (Once again, idk who to put here, like an important Foundation person), "This is Reginald, I've recovered another one." No response.
Finally they were back. Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted. The sign slanted downward slightly and was in serious disrepair. It looked like a broken carnival sign; tacky, yet inconspicuous. No wonder it had worked for so long in this part of town. Reginald opened the door and led a still teary-eyed Daniel upstairs to a vacant room. There, Reginald interviewed him for hours, asking everything from favorite foods to the strange ability Daniel possessed. Once the favorite, Daniel tucked himself into bed and dozed off, and Reggie walked back to his office.
Numerical designation: Entity 73
Date and Location of Recovery: 7/14/17, Greenpoint
Age: 4
Containment Measures: Non-Corporeal Entity Stabilization Unit installed in Entity 73's quarters. Unit has portable-use capabilities, but should be returned to its place when not in use.
Anomalous Ability: Has the ability to phase through solid matter.
Physical Description: Short, black hair, green eyes, Caucasian.
Personal Notes: Claims she knows 'Panich', but I know that silly goose is lying. Seems to have a very sporadic energy cycle, as many small children would. She's very playful when she's energetic, and takes joy in having the other kids chase her.
Numerical Designation: Entity 38
Date and Location of Recovery: 8/8/16, Upper East Side (Manhattan)
Age: 9
Containment Measures: Entity 38's effects are typically not harmful so long as 38 is engaged in activity or otherwise distracted. Ear defenders (or other adequate hearing protection) must be available for all personnel in the event they are required.
Anomalous Ability: Prone to vocalizations which gradually increase to an unnatural and potentially hazardous volume.
Physical description: Tall, curly brown hair, blue eyes, mixed descent, prominently Hispanic.
Personal Notes:: As many times as I've needed to replace the windows, I love Jared. Takes interest in space travel, and coincidentally, singing shows. At least whenever we can afford cable.
Numerical Designation: Entity 12
Date and Location of Recovery: 5/20/16, Long Island City
Age: 7
Containment Measures: Standard cleaning supplies may be used in response to Entity 12's anomalous effect. This should be carried out as often as deemed necessary.
Anomalous Ability: Entity 12 regularly produces small volumes of orange juice from its skin pores.
Physical Description: Average height, straight brown hair, purple eyes, strong Russian descent, Slavic
Personal Notes: Poor kid always gets picked on during breakfast. Doesn't talk much, but when he does, he's loud. Takes interest in hockey and similar sports. Refuses to let go of his Russian Olympic Ice Hockey Poster from 2014.
Numerical Designation: Entity 7
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: [TBD]
Containment Measures: Entity 7 must remain in its personal quarters at all times. Video surveillance equipment is modified with cognitohazard-filter lens. Personnel must wear cognitohazard-filtering safety goggles at all times when interacting with Entity 7.
Anomalous Ability: Entity 7 induces a petrification-like effect on any subject that maintains visual contact. Further study of this effect is not feasible at this time.
Physical Description: N/A
Personal Notes: [TBD]
Numerical Designation: Entity 18
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: 10
Containment Measures: Entity 18's quarters are reinforced with sufficiently resistant materials wherever possible. A basic neutralizing compound is to be applied upon manifestatiom of Entity 18's effects.
UPDATE 18-A: 3/16/XX - Entity 18 neutralized (deceased, via self-inflicted exposure to anomalous effect). Containment measures discontinued.
Anomalous Ability: Entity 18 produces a corrosive acidic substance from both ear canals. This effect appears to be involuntary and manifests without discernable cause.
Physical Description: Short, bald-headed, pale blue eyes, African American.
Personal Notes: …I'm so sorry Grace. I tried, I tried to request the funds for more neutralizer. I tried to keep you alive, but they refused. I still intercept messages from your parents asking of your whereabouts, and it's always passed off as a missing child case. I'm so sorry…
Reginald was about to start typing up Daniel's information until his eyes stuck to Grace's file for the nth time. The thoughts of that very day began to flood back into his head, the panic in the air, the words of false encouragement, the apologies. He quickly opened the cabinet under his desk to retrieve a handle of vodka and a glass, and drank until he passed out in his torn leather chair.
He woke up, slumped in his chair, to the sunlight pouring in from outside. He stumbled up, fixed his hair, his clothes, his face and walked out of the little office. He checked the time on the way out, 10:30. He was late. He ran back to his office to change clothes and grabbed his car keys on the way out. He was about to make his way to a secluded spot that hid his dinky sedan until he noticed something. Silence. He stood very still, not making a noise. The moment hit him, and he bolted from room to room. John's room, empty. Vivian's room, empty. Rosie's room, empty. Jared's room, empty. He forgot to lock Daniel's door when he gave him his new room.
Reginald panicked and ran outside, only to run face first into a Foundation armed guard and fall onto the ground. The building had been surrounded with armed guards. "Wha-, I, where are the kids?" Reginald squeaked out, concerned.
"That's your job Reginald, and it seems you've failed to do that", emanated a voice behind the guard. A staunch female figure stepped out from behind the guard. "You're time is up, Reginald." "(Some important Foundation person),
"This happened because YOU couldn't increase the f-"
"Shut up Reginald" she replied. "You decided to head this 'minimalist operation, and you've failed. Now a bunch of rogue entities have been let loose on New York, thus wasting our time. Face it, your experiment failed." Reginald struggled for words, but knew she was right. He slowly got up, only to be grabbed by the armed guard he ran into. He was shoved into a van and all information pertaining Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted was eliminated.
Site Director Andrews was sitting, staring at the Incident Report that had been on top of his desk since that morning. He glanced up when Assistant Site Director Albrecht tapped on the door.
"Come in," he said with a wave of his hand.
Dr. Albrecht took a seat. About a minute of uncomfortable silence passed before she finally spoke up.
"It was made to seem viable on paper." Albrecht hesistated briefly before continuing. "A lot went wrong in practice, though. Projected capacity for entities was exceeded, human resources weren't made use of…"
"One person can't take care of all that themselves," Andrews said. "Especially when they're off the wagon."
"Agreed. Did you see the notes he had for each of the k-… excuse me, entities? 'Claims she knows 'Panish, but I know that silly goose is lying.' Does that sound professional to you?"
"No, it does not." Andrews rubbed his forehead and sighed, visibly frustrated. "He clearly can't handle it. We should have pulled the plug on this thing before the breach. Now we've got half a dozen anomalies loose all at once in the country's most populated city… What's the situation on that now?"
"Pi-1's got eyes out for them right now. We've scrambled all the security and containment techs we can spare from Site, and have another containment MTF dispatched and en route."
"And the outpost itself?"
"All equipment recovered, building swept clean, no trace left behind." Albrecht added "Trust me. I went there myself."
"Good. I'll also trust you to continue coordinating the response effort."
Albrecht shifted in her chair. There was only one thing left to address. "So, as for…"
"Dr. Reginald himself, yes…" Andrews furrowed his brow and tapped his finger as he considered the decision. "Clearly not suited for any kind of management role; possibly unfit to work with humanoids at all. Hmm… There must be some low-value object storage facility in need of another containment technician." Andrews shuffled the sheets of the incident report together and returned them to the file folder. "I'll authorize a transfer, Human Resources can fill in the blank on where they need more bodies. Maybe he'll have time for self-reflection while he's sorting lockers in a warehouse somewhere."
"I agree, sir."
Papers were signed, the incident report was filed, and nobody at Site-90 spoke of Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted again.
""
Just to get some stuff out of the way, the premise of it is still the same as the original. He's running this whole thing on a shoestring budget. He realizes he's in over his head and stuff starts to fall apart. Admittedly a bit darker than the orig., bu tell me what you think.
Reginald swiveled in his chair slightly, rain pattering on the window outside. He was filled with anxiety as he constantly refreshed his inbox. He sipped a small glass of scotch and ran his fingers through his short brown hair nervously as he waited for his salvation, for his deus ex machina, for his guardian angel to tap on the door, (if someone's guardian angel was composed of an adequate sum of money). At last, after he had broken the refresh key…
Good evening, Reginald. After reviewing your form, your third request for and increase in your facility's funding has been denied. Until you can prove that your containment is effective in this fashion, we will continue to do so. I will say this again, and as many times as you make a request: You were the head of this project, and thus set the initial funding. Assets in your area of operation are expensive as it is, and frankly, you're little daycare isn't of priority at the moment. Our job is to Secure. Contain. Protect, and as of now, you've proved yourself to do two of those three. Complete the third one reliably within the next month and there's a possibility of a new grant.
Sincerely,
(Not really sure who shoulda sent this email, (SCP site director, senior researcher, idk))
He closed the email and threw his glass of scotch against his office wall. The first two denials were acceptable losses, but this one hit a soft spot. The windows were cracked, his leather chair was torn, he was running out of time before the walls fell down around his ears. The second to last line of the email reopened a wound he wanted to keep closed. Reginald understood it was his fault, but the Foundation failed sometimes too, right?, he reasoned.
He shook the thought off and checked the time, 10:27, time to run night procedures. He swept the glass from the floor, trashed it, and walked out of his office. He stopped at the supply closet, grabbed a mop, tinted cognitohazard-safety goggles, a set of keys, and and a coloring book. He closed the office door to hear small footsteps behind him.
"Rosie, what are you doing out of your room? We're all about to go to bed." She responded as coherently as a 4-year old could, "Chase me!" She ran down the halls, and Reginald simply walked after her, trying his best to not make any noise. As he was about to catch her Rosie ran right through wall into her room. Reginald sighed and unlocked her door to find her trying to pick up a small doll. Her hand simply passed through it. "Now, Rosie, don't you be waking up the other kids, okay?" "Okay, Weggie", she responded. Reginald took out a small translucent key, stuck in a keyhole in the wall, and turned it. With this, Rosie was able to pick up her doll and climb into bed. "Goodnight Rosie" "Goo'night"
Reginald walked back out into the hall to hear a faint shriek like a dog whistle, and covered his ears. "Ah shit", he mumbled to himself. He ran four doors down, opened the door and immediately handed Jared the coloring book. Jared's high pitched whines turned into small sobs, then complacency as he took interest in the coloring book. He calmed down, started to draw, but before he could even realize, became sleepy and slumped over on the floor. Reginald lifted him into bed, turned the lights out and slipped out.
Luckily, the commotion hadn't woken up any of the other kids. Reginald checked their rooms to make sure they were all asleep. As he approached John's room, he readied the mop, and unlocked the door. John was fast asleep on his bed, but in his room remained orange juice covering the floor. Reginald mopped up the orange juice as quietly as he could while John slept. After five minutes of mopping, he looked up at John to see his bed lightly stained with more of the tart drink. Reginald just smiled to himself and went back out to the hall, locking the door as he left.
His last check of the night was Vivian's room. Goggles on his face, he entered the room slowly. There Vivian sat on the edge of her bed, legs to her chest, arms around them. She was the oldest of the bunch, and thus Reginald had a harder time dealing with her. She stared at Reginald as he walked in, or at least he thought so, as the goggles blurred her into a shady outline. "Why am I not allowed to go outside, Reggie?" "We've had this discussion Vivian, you're not like the other people, you're more special, you have a gift that they don't understand." "Oh really? Do I? Take your stupid goggles off, then!" Reginald didn't change his expression and tried his hardest to stay sincere, "Vivian, you know I can't do that. That's part of your gift." She jumped off the bed and attempted to storm out of the room, only for Reggie to block the door.
"Vivian, go to bed", his voice stern. "Not until you tell me what's wrong with me, or why I'm here, or who wants me to stay here!" She refused to move. "Vivian, I-… I can't do that, and you know that. You're a smart girl an-""WHY AM I HERE REGGIE?" He quickly walked out of the room and locked the door behind him, her faint screams emanating from the other side of the wall. The goggles were tossed to the floor. He quickened his pace back to his office and sat down at his computer once again. He opened a file; 'Containment Protocols' and accessed a camera hidden in her room. There she was, the shady outline. On the verge of tears and tired of screaming, she slumped down on the wall and took up the same position as when Reginald first walked in. He clicked on a small gray button on the left of the screen labeled 'If necessary' and a thin gray gas filled her room. She began drooping her eyes , tears still brimming, and fell asleep on the floor.
A teardrop hit his keyboard as he put his head in his hands. This procedure was becoming all too common, almost once every two months. He closed the file, shut off his computer and slipped into his own bed, but sleep didn't come. So many thoughts tore at his head, he felt as though his brain was a panel of interviewers rather than an organic memory storage. Was it really his fault? "If the Foundation knew I was a liability, they wouldn't have funded me in the first place, right? Why didn't they give me the materials I needed to save him? Why didn't *I* get those materials?" He tossed and turned, and about two hours later, his eyes started to droop. That was, until a gunshot outside sat him straight up.
Although the rainfall was thick, he could make out two teenagers facing each other on the other side of the street. One held a handgun, and stared at the other in horror. The other teenager, (no older than 12 years old), had pulled the bullet out of his chest and thrown it on the ground without flinching. The armed teenager ran as the boy with the chest wound calmly stuck his finger into the hole. Once he removed it, the tissue and skin had healed completely, as Reginald would later learn. Reginald stared on in awe of what he had just witnessed. The boy stood still for only a few moments before he continued down the sidewalk as if nothing had happened.
Reginald was giddy, almost smiling as he dashed down the creaky stairs to the lobby.After running into the lobby desk crotch-first, he fumbled for the light-switch and finally flicked it on. Reginald snatched up his coat from the tree and the backpack that lay next to the door for use in such a situation. Inside was a standard issue taser, flashlight, an anesthetic dart gun, signal flares, walkie-talkie, small food and water rations, and an extra coat. He jerked his arms into the raincoat, slung the bag on and ran out into the cold New York night.
Dogs barked in the distance, but were drowned out by his footsteps on the pavement. He could see the boy in the distance, peacefully meandering amidst the downpour, kicking puddles and peering down every alleyway. That was, until he noticed the man bolting after him, and ran. Both sets of footsteps splashed against the pavement as Reginald chased him for several blocks; the child was much faster than he had realized. Finally, he had the child cornered in the first floor of an abandoned construction site. Rain echoed inside the incomplete structure, both were out of breath, and the child was leaning up against a cracked, waist-high brick wall to recover. He squinted his eyes as Reginald pointed the flashlight at him.
Reginald, still winded, called to the boy, "Please, *pant*, I'm not… I don't want to hurt you." "Get that light out of my face, man!", the child called back. Reginald realized he had been shining it right into the poor boy's eyes, and promptly turned it off. The boy started to shy away toward an open supply closet ,(or at least it was supposed to be), door, and Reginald walked in a staggered manner toward him. "You and- and that other boy, back there, he shot you… are you okay?" The boy didn't respond, and continued backwards toward the door. "It's pretty cold out, you sure-re you don't want, uh…", he fumbled for words, "A, uh, a coat!" He took his bag off and dug for the spare coat. The boy sat, intrigued at the way Reginald behaved. He finally pulled out the spare coat and slowly extended it toward the boy.
The pair of footsteps splashed along the sidewalk as they walked back the direction of the chase, towards Reginald's place. "What is your name?" "Daniel." "So tell me Daniel, what happened between you and that other boy?" he inquired. "Well, we… we were havin' an argument and he decided to bring up my mom", he said slowly. "What happened then?" Daniel refused to speak for the rest of the walk back. They passed many interesting buildings on their walk back. A flower shop that had been looted and covered in graffiti, a coffee shop that was now boarded up and overgrown with several species of weeds. Towards Reginald's place they passed a Mexican restaurant, of which its sign had been torn down and windows broken. Daniel stopped and stared at the restaurant with a certain yearning, not wanting to move.
"Everything okay, Daniel?" Daniel still didn't respond, and walked up to the restaurant. "I'd be careful Daniel, there's probably fifteen different diseases in there, you shou-", but he had already slipped through a hole in the door. Reginald jogged up to the same door, "Daniel? Daniel, where did you go? I don't want you getting hurt now." Reginald pried some of the door's boarding out of the way so he could enter as well. There he shined the light on Daniel standing in the far corner of the dining area, staring into the empty kitchen. The chairs in the dining area were either broken beyond repair or non-existent, the tables had all rotted, the carpets had stains every color of the rainbow. The walls of the place had already been covered in mold, and a fine brown dust hung in the air. "Daniel, are you okay?" Daniel continued to stare into the kitchen, then turned around to face Reginald, "My dad used to work here." He broke down and started to cry, to which Reginald walked over and knelt down with him. He guided Daniel out of the restaurant and across the street. Reginald pulled out his walkie-talkie and hailed (Once again, idk who to put here, like an important Foundation person), "This is Reginald, I've recovered another one." No response.
Finally they were back. Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted. The sign slanted downward slightly and was in serious disrepair. It looked like a broken carnival sign; tacky, yet inconspicuous. No wonder it had worked for so long in this part of town. Reginald opened the door and led a still teary-eyed Daniel upstairs to a vacant room. There, Reginald interviewed him for hours, asking everything from favorite foods to the strange ability Daniel possessed. Once the favorite, Daniel tucked himself into bed and dozed off, and Reggie walked back to his office.
He logged back onto his computer to update the list
Numerical designation: Entity 73
Date and Location of Recovery: 7/14/17, DUE TO THE NATURE OF ENTITY 73, LOCATION OF RECOVERY IS STILL UNCLEAR
Age: 4
Containment Procedures: Should Entity 73 escape containment, the stabilizing device in the Entity's room is to be removed, activated, and used in pursuit of the subject. Once entity is caught and returned, the device is to be returned to its stationary position in the Entity's room.
"Gift": Has the ability to phase through solid matter.
Physical Description: Short, black hair, green eyes, Caucasian.
Personal Notes: Claims she knows 'Panich', but I know that silly goose is lying. Seems to have a very sporadic energy cycle, as many small children would. She's very playful when she's energetic, and takes joy in having the other kids chase her.
Numerical Designation: Entity 38
Date and Location of Recovery: 8/8/16, inside a warehouse near [REDACTED]
Age: 9
Containment Procedures: Although Entity 38's abilities have the ability to damage hearing of personnel around it, these effects can be countered easily. By giving Entity 38 some form of activity or distraction, its effects will slowly de-manifest.
"Gift": Given time, can muster a screech well above the safe hearing limit.
Physical description: Tall, curly brown hair, blue eyes, mixed descent, prominently Hispanic.
Personal Notes:: As many times as I've needed to replace the windows, I love Jared. Takes interest in space travel, and coincidentally, singing shows. At least whenever we can afford cable.
Numerical Designation: Entity 12
Date and Location of Recovery: 5/20/16, West side of Manhattan, [REDACTED] Street
Age: 7
Containment Procedures: Entity 12' ability is a passive one. A mop and bucket are required for cleaning up the aftereffects.
"Gift": Entity 12 emits small amounts of orange juice from its skin pores.
Physical Description: Average height, straight brown hair, purple eyes, strong Russian descent, Slavic
Personal Notes: Poor kid always gets picked on during breakfast. Doesn't talk much, but when he does, he's loud. Takes interest in hockey and similar sports. Refuses to let go of his Russian Olympic Ice Hockey Poster from 2014.
Numerical Designation: Entity 7
**Date and Location of Recovery
Numerical Designation: Entity 18
Date and Location of Recovery: [REDACTED]
Age: 10
Containment Procedures: Entity's ability is extremely volatile, and as such has been placed in a specialized lead-lined chamber. Should Entity 18's ability begin to manifest, large doses of the neutralizing agent [REDACTED] are to be sprayed into the chamber until Entity 18's effects de-manifest. [SEE ADDENDUM 18-A]
Addendum 18-A: As of 3/16/XX, Entity 18 has been confirmed self-terminated. Prior containment procedures are no longer necessary.
"GIFT": Entity 18 can produce large amounts of an unidentified corrosive acid from both ear canals.
Physical Description: Short, bald-headed, pale blue eyes, African American.
Personal Notes: …I'm so sorry Grace. I tried, I tried to request the funds for more neutralizer. I tried to keep you alive, but they refused. I still intercept messages from your parents asking of your whereabouts, and it's always passed off as a missing child case. I'm so sorry…
Reginald was about to start typing up Daniel's information until his eyes stuck to Grace's file for the nth time. The thoughts of that very day began to flood back into his head, the panic in the air, the words of false encouragement, the apologies. He quickly opened the cabinet under his desk to retrieve a handle of vodka and a glass, and drank until he passed out in his torn leather chair.
He woke up, slumped in his chair, to the sunlight pouring in from outside. He stumbled up, fixed his hair, his clothes, his face and walked out of the little office. He checked the time on the way out, 10:30. He was late. He ran back to his office to change clothes and grabbed his car keys on the way out. He was about to make his way to a secluded spot that hid his dinky sedan until he noticed something. Silence. He stood very still, not making a noise. The moment hit him, and he bolted from room to room. John's room, empty. Vivian's room, empty. Rosie's room, empty. Jared's room, empty. He forgot to lock Daniel's door when he gave him his new room.
Reginald panicked and ran outside, only to run face first into a Foundation armed guard and fall onto the ground. The building had been surrounded with armed guards. "Wha-, I, where are the kids?" Reginald squeaked out, concerned. "That's your job Reginald, and it seems you've failed to do that", emanated a voice behind the guard. A staunch female figure stepped out from behind the guard. "You're time is up, Reginald." "(Some important Foundation person), this happened because YOU couldn't increase the f-", "Shut up Reginald" she replied. "You decided to head this 'minimalist operation, and you've failed. Now a bunch of rogue entities have been let loose on New York, thus wasting our time. Face it, your experiment failed." Reginald struggled for words, but knew she was right. He slowly got up, only to be grabbed by the armed guard he ran into. He was shoved into a van and all information pertaining Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted was eliminated.
"So what do we do with him?"
"He was a liability from the beginning, alcoholic, finicky, not trustworthy, who approved his idea?"
"Not sure, but I can check the records and have them reprimanded."
"Good, and Dr. Reginald?"
"That's your call to make, not mine, sir."
Senior Researcher Boze stepped out of his office to think for a moment before re-entering.
"Have him demoted, to what class he's demoted to, I don't care, let the Site Director deal with it."
"Are you sure about this, sir?"
"He let potentially several dangerous entities escape into New York, Jacob, he needs to learn his lesson. (I want to have some kind of punishment here to be inflicted on Reginald, not sure yet)
"Yes sir."
Logistics, as ye put it
I agree with DrChandra that the budget/technical details or Reginald's small project aren't explained super well considering the Foundation is massive and rich. I'll try to improve that here. My idea was maybe to have a personal message back/forth between him and someone (a colleague or 'doctor' friend of his) at Site-90. They're concerned that it won't work, yet Reginald is adamant that it will despite the small budget. What also may possibly help here is a mention of a past messup of his at Site-90. Thus he doesn't want to piss off the Site Director by request a full-scale project/site (and redeem himself in the process of doing all this). Those are some of the things I thought of immediately. I dunno, what do you think?
Toying with the restaurant scene
The rain was finally slowing. The smell of burnt wood and wet concrete hung in the air as the two walked back to the apartments at a leisurely pace. They passed by a few stores and restaurants which had all certainly seen better days. Windows were boarded up, bricks were cracked and lined with mold and weeds, yet there was a certain peacefulness to it. It was as if Reginald felt safer knowing the area well; knowing that nothing would change anytime soon. "So what else were you doing in an area like this, Daniel? Surely it wasn't just that other boy you were after." Daniel remained silent as their feet splashed in the puddles in the cracked sidewalk…. (etc.)
I'd like something to replace the restaurant scene due to what I said in the messages tab. I don't want a big gap in between the chase and Reginald and Daniel walking back.
Saying the same things in different ways..
Opening Prelude
[…] These efforts would focus on low-risk targets of minorly anomalous nature. Following a holding period for initial assessment, these would then be transferred to Site-90 for processing as deemed appropriate. This protocol should allow the Foundation to contain a number of anomalies which might otherwise go unnoticed, as well as give the Site's Researchers and Containment Techs a headstart on the documentation and analysis of incoming anomalies.
Dr. Reginald read over the cover letter of his proposal yet again, wary of any error or typo he might have somehow overlooked in all of his previous proofreading efforts. Not that finding it now would be of any use. Each member of the review panel, currently seated opposite him at the table, already had a copy in front of them. But in these anxious minutes between concluding his presentation and responding to questions from the panel, Reginald embraced any diversion from his nervousness. At last, someone cleared their throat. Chin up. Deep breath.
"Does this proposal really serve the Foundation's interests?"
"I believe it does, sir. A proactive approach to identifying and containing these anomalies will reduce the chances of a civilian stumbling upon them first, which could be disastrous in any number of ways."
"You feel this Outpost can be staffed by a single operative?"
"Yes, ma'am. With partial support from Site-90's personnel as needed. But the routine duties, as outlined, can be seen to by just myself."
"[A third question. Because rule of three.]"
"[A third answer.]"
Hushed whispers between Site-90's senior staff members. Ruffling sheets of paper. The pound of a stamp. Approval.
Opening Prelude: Part B
"No, that won't do." Reggie paced back and forth in his office, one hand holding his phone and the other clenched in a fist. "Absolutely not! How can- … Damnit, she's just a child! … How can that even- … Why?!" Reggie's scowl grew more intense as he listened to what he was being told. "Alright," he growled through gritted teeth. "Alright, fine then. … Fine! But I'm putting in a requisition for more of that solution. And it better come through quick." With that, he ended the call.
| Still handwaving / ducking the issue of why Site-90 wouldn't be able to accommodate Grace. At least not up to the standard Reggie demands. |
Opening Prelude: Part C
You have 1 new message.
Hey Reg! It's Justin here. Calling because we're, ah, we're reviewing some logs here for month-end and, ah… Well, it's looking like there's a bit of a dropoff in how frequently you're, uhh, in touch with us here at Site. Now I went ahead and pulled last month's, plus the month before, and it does look like, ah, like a bit of a trend there. Yeah… So, ah, gimme a call back when you can, right? Because, well, it's gonna- gonna have to go up the chain here if I can't get ahold of you. Okay? So, ah, yeah. Thanks!
xxx
[[collapsible show="Plugged in"]] Changes to be made
RE: Funding Adjustment Request
Reginald,
Upon review of your most recent request for additional funding, I must inform you that said request has been denied. As we have previously informed you: Until your project can be shown to reliably meet all of its stated objectives, no further expenditures will be considered.
As it was you who conceived the program, you are responsible for having underrepresented the costs associated with maintaining it. Bear in mind that there are numerous high-priority operations ongoing in your area which could make effective use of your currently allocated budget.
Site-90 Office of Administrative Review,
~ (name)
[[/collapsible]]
Intro
Reginald reshuffled the already straight stack of paper on his desk, then he pressed refresh. Reginald reorganized the already neatly arranged pens in the penholder, then he pressed refresh. It was a warm sunny day outside, too nice for staying late at the office. But Reginald had been assured of a response by the end of today, and couldn't help lingering just a little longer in hopes of getting to read the message before he went home. (something something) finally…
RE: Establishment of New Containment Outpost
Reginald,
Your proposal to establish an Outpost facility for the purposes of temporarily housing and assessing low-grade anomalous entities has been approved. The financial amounts outlined in your submission have been allotted from Site-90's budget, and a team from Engineering & Technical Services Dept. assigned to initial set-up.
Following acquisition and renovation of the property to serve these purposes, the remainder of allocated funds will be budgeted for the purposes of additional infrastructure and support personnel, as determined by you. While Site-90 staff will be made available for assistance purposes, you are the only personnel assigned to the facility on a full-time basis. Should this method of operating prove to be practical, expansion will be considered.
(name)
—A grin spread across Reginald's face as he read the message. He read it again to be sure there was no mistake; there wasn't. He read it a third time because he was so overjoyed. This was it: His chance to actually make a positive impact where it was needed. Reginald even settled on going out and treating himself to a drink. "Just one," he thought to himself. "To celebrate." —
…
Reginald swiveled idly in his chair, and pressed refresh. Reginald nervously ran his fingers through his short brown hair, and he pressed refresh. Raindrops pattered on the window while Reggie waited anxiously for his salvation, for his deus ex machina, for a visit from his guardian angel (providing said angel came bearing an adequate sum of money). He sipped whisky from a short glass in between each press of the key, until finally…
Beginning
He angrily swept his glass off the table, shattering it against the office wall. The first denial was fair enough; the program had still been in its earliest phases. The second denial was understandable; another facility had just been renovated following a breach incident. But at this point the windows were cracked, the furniture worn; before long the walls would be falling down around his ears. The second-to-last line, in particular, had reopened a wound he would rather stayed closed. No matter how many times he told himself that some things were beyond his control, it didn't ease the blame he put on himself.
He shook the thought off and checked the time: 10:27, time for the nighttime routine. He tidied up the broken glass, then went to the hall closet where the equipment was kept. Having retrieved a set of keys, a colouring book, a mop and bucket, and a pair of cognitohazard-filtering safety goggles, Reggie turned at the sound of tiny footsteps behind him.
Entity Profiles
Since Reggie is also being allowed to handle all of this with such minimal oversight or involvement from other Foundation staff, I think it's a nice touch that some of his notes show a subtle tinge of personal attachment to the kids.
Gunshots & Daniel Chase section
Across the street, through the heavy rainfall, Reggie could see two teenagers standing and facing each other. A pistol clutched in hand, an expression of shock and terror; but both belonging to the bigger of the two. The shorter teen (or were they even older than 12?) calmly removed a bullet from his chest and dropped it on the ground. The armed teen turned and ran, the boy calmly returned his hand to the place where he had been shot (Reginald, later, would note that not even a scar remained).
Reginald's excited reaction was nearly instant. He hurried down the flight of stairs and into the front hall, even slamming into an endtable barely slowed him down as he fumbled to turn on the lights. His coat hung on the wall, nearby sat the backpack he kept stocked for just such a situation: flashlight, standard-issue taser, signal flares, dart gun with tranquilizer rounds, some snacks and bottled water, and a spare jacket. Jerking his arms into the sleeves of his raincoat, Reggie swung the bag over his shoulder and sprinted out the door.
Out in the cold, wet, New York City night, Reggie caught sight of the boy just up the road: strolling casually and casting glances down each alley they passed by. Typical noises of the city at night were muted and distant, the sound of puddles splashing under heavy footsteps rose as Reginald tried to catch up with the only other person out on the sidewalks. The boy glanced back, did a double-take as he registered that there was a stange man running toward him, and disappeared around the next corner. 'Oh bother,' Reggie thought to himself.
Two pairs of feet now pounding pavement echoed down the narrow alleyway. Reggie might have tried calling out, if he thought he could spare the breath to do it without slowing down. For a couple blocks he strained to keep up, until finally the kid hit a dead end in a derelict construction site. Reggie slung his bacpack under his arm so he could reach inside. A moment passed where all that could be heard was each party struggling to catch their breath, and rainfall echoing through the incomplete structure.
"Please," said Reggie, still panting. "I'm not going to- … not trying to hurt you."
"Get that light out of my face, man!"
Reggie had taken out the flashlight to illuminate the dim room; upon realizing he was shining it right into the poor boy's eyes he promptly cast the beam downward. "Sorry," Reggie apologized. "That other boy back there, he shot you… Are you okay?" The child didn't respond, but was slowly inching toward a small gap in the crumbling wall nearby; not wanting to allow Reginald to close the distance between them. Reggie resolved to try talking gently from where he currently stood, lest he have to give chase once more; or worse, lose track of the child completely.
"It's a cold night out," Reggie began a new tactic. "You could probably use…" Reggie set his backpack down in front of himself, trying to retrieve the coat from the bottom without letting any of the other items spill out. The boy, curious, edged slightly closer. Reginald triumphantly pulled the coat from the bag, and held it for the boy to take.
| I might have reduced certain descriptive elements of the setting/atmosphere in favour of a more quick-paced/action-focused writing style. Hopefully to better effect, and without straying from any important details or portrayals of the characters' personalities too much. |
Returning to the Home
1| Reginald tried phoning his contact at Site to report this latest recovery, but the call ultimately went unanswered. He would have to settle for sending the message from his computer once it was typed up. |
| Reginald placed a phonecall back to Site. After navigating an automated menu and inputting his ID# he spoke to someone running overnight reception. "For Dr. Albrecht, please. … Not urgent, no. Just to report anoth- … No, you don't need to take a message. Thanks." Reginald ended the call. He'd just send the details from his computer once he typed it up. |
Finally they were back: Reggie's Home for the Oddly Gifted. The once bright and colourful sign was now worn and faded, hanging loosely askew from its place on the building. It was tacky and in disrepair, but in this neighbourhood that made it completely inconspicuous.
Having settled Daniel in one of the (few remaining) unoccupied rooms, it was there Reginald conducted his interview. He began with noting the official assessments: name, age, appearance, anomalous conditions. Reggie spent more of the time asking after 'less official' information about Daniel: his history, previous living conditions, what did he like to eat? It was very late before the boy drifted off to sleep and Reginald silently withdrew to his own office space.
(Profiles collapsibles w/ personal notes here)
Reginald was about to start a new entry for Daniel, but he stopped short as his eyes settled on one particular file. An 'inactive file' that could have been archived away in a different folder and left alone, but Reggie hadn't done that. Instead, he did now what he always did: opened the file and, for the nth time, read what he had written there.
(Grace collapsible here)
Profiles
Rosie
Numerical designation: Entity 73
Date and Location of Recovery: 7/14/17, Greenpoint
Age: 4
Containment Measures: Non-Corporeal Entity Stabilization Unit installed in Entity 73's quarters. Unit has portable-use capabilities, but should be returned to its place when not in use.
"Gift": Has the ability to phase through solid matter.
Physical Description: Short, black hair, green eyes, Caucasian.
Jared
Numerical Designation: Entity 38
Date and Location of Recovery: 8/8/16, Upper East Side (Manhattan)
Age: 9
Containment Measures: Entity 38's effects are typically not harmful so long as 38 is engaged in activity or otherwise distracted. Ear defenders (or otherwise adequate hearing protection) must be available for all personnel in the event they are required.
"Gift": Prone to vocalizations which gradually increase to an unnatural and potentially hazardous volume.
Physical description: Tall, curly brown hair, blue eyes, mixed descent, prominently Hispanic.
John
Numerical Designation: Entity 12
Date and Location of Recovery: 5/20/16, Long Island City
Age: 7
Containment Measures: Standard cleaning supplies may be used in response to Entity 12's anomalous effect. This should be carried out as often as deemed necessary.
"Gift": Entity 12 regularly produces small volumes of orange juice from its skin pores.
Physical Description: Average height, straight brown hair, purple eyes, strong Russian descent, Slavic
Vivian
Numerical Designation: Entity 7
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: [TBD]
Containment Measures: Entity 7 must remain in its personal quarters at all times. Video surveillance equipment is modified with cognitohazard-filter lens. Personnel must wear cognitohazard-filtering safety goggles at all times when interacting with Entity 7.
"Gift": Entity 7 induces a petrification-like effect on any subject that makes visual contact. Further study of this effect is not feasible at this time.
Physical Description: N/A
Grace
Numerical Designation: Entity 18
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: 10
Containment Measures: Entity 18's quarters are reinforced with sufficiently resistant materials wherever possible. A basic neutralizing compound is to be applied upon manifestatiom of Entity 18's effects. [See UPDATE 18-A]
UPDATE 18-A: 3/16/XX - Entity 18 neutralized (deceased, via self-inflicted exposure to anomalous effect). Containment measures discontinued.
"Gift": Entity 18 produces a corrosive acidic substance from both ear canals. This effect appears to be involuntary and manifests without discernable cause.
Physical Description: Short, bald-headed, pale blue eyes, African American.
Morning After
Reginald ran to the front door in a panic. Outside he found a response vehicle from Site-90 was already there, parked on the curb. Reginald quickly approached the nearest guard and stammered "Wha-? Where are the kids?"
"That was your job, Reginald." Assistant Site Director Albrecht stepped out from behind the guard. "You've been stringing us along with this boondoggle since before Day One, and we're all paying for it now."
"Now…" Reginald repeated, shocked. "I've been telling you that I needed more-"
"What you needed," Albrecht cut him off, "was restraint. Not to go bringing in more strays than you could afford to handle." She chastised him further, "This operation was founded on false pretenses, and it seems you've been dishonest about its status all throughout."
Reginald wanted to protest, but he knew it was true. He knew he'd had an ulterior motive, even if it was a benevolent one. He knew he'd put his own goals before the objectives of the Foundation. But this wasn't how it was supposed to end. He didn't know how it had gone so wrong.
Reginald was suddenly aware of how the guards had repositioned themselves during the conversation, boxing him in. One of them opened a door and Reginald got into the backseat without any fuss.
Ending Conversation
Site Director Andrews was sitting, staring at the Incident Report that had been on top of his desk since that morning. He glanced up when Assistant Site Director Albrecht tapped on the door.
"Come in," he said with a wave of his hand.
Dr. Albrecht took a seat. About a minute of uncomfortable silence passed before she finally spoke up.
"It was made to seem viable on paper." Albrecht hesistated briefly before continuing. "A lot went wrong in practice, though. Projected capacity for entities was exceeded, human resources weren't made use of…"
"One person can't take care of all that themselves," Andrews said. "Especially when they're off the wagon."
"Agreed. Did you see the notes he had for each of the k-… excuse me, entities? 'Claims she knows 'Panish, but I know that silly goose is lying.' Does that sound professional to you?"
"No, it does not." Andrews rubbed his forehead and sighed, visibly frustrated. "He clearly can't handle it. We should have pulled the plug on this thing before the breach. Now we've got half a dozen anomalies loose all at once in the country's most populated city… What's the situation on that now?"
"Pi-1's got eyes out for them right now. We've scrambled all the security and containment techs we can spare from Site, and have another containment MTF dispatched and en route."
"And the outpost itself?"
"All equipment recovered, building swept clean, no trace left behind." Albrecht then added "Trust me. I went there myself."
"Good. I'll also trust you to continue coordinating the response effort."
Albrecht shifted in her chair. There was only one thing left to address. "So, as for…"
"Dr. Reginald himself, yes…" Andrews furrowed his brow and tapped his finger as he considered the decision. "Clearly not suited for any kind of management role; possibly unfit to work with humanoids at all. Hmm… There must be some low-value object storage facility in need of another containment technician." Andrews shuffled the sheets of the incident report together and returned them to the file folder. "I'll authorize a transfer, Human Resources can fill in the blank on where they need more bodies. Maybe he'll have time for self-reflection while he's sorting lockers in a warehouse somewhere."
"I agree, sir."
…
Note: Name is kind of misleading, I know, but I feel this is where we can put our big concerns along with some pieces from both of our drafts to help move things along.
Reginald remembered it like it was yesterday. Waiting excitedly at his computer for the email notification sound that his project had been confirmed. He swished a small shot of vodka in a glass as he repeatedly refreshed his inbox until… DING. Project accepted. He downed the shot and relaxed in his chair. It seemed so simple then…
Reginald waited nervously outside of the Site Director's office, waiting for the verdict. The Site Director and other higher level staff had been reviewing it for a while; 20 minutes. It felt like an eternity to Reginald as he bounced his leg up and down. The Site Director's assistant opened the office door and motioned for Reginald to come inside, and he did so, taking a seat opposite to the semi circle of people glaring at him. "Reginald, we're glad to say that your project has passed. You will receive the resources you asked for next month. Good luck."
Reginald couldn't help but crack a huge grin right in front of his superiors. This was the happiest he had been in a long time. It might've been the last time as well.
It seems you went with the more personal approach to how the proposal got accepted, and I personally like it. Just know that we'll have to chop out some of the intro we already have because it would conflict with it. The 'waiting on the email part' would definitely have to go. Some possible third questions:
"Are you certain in your capability to handle a facility by yourself?"
"Do you have any final requests to change or modify your proposal in any way?"
"(Something about expressing doubt, maybe, so like…) May I ask again. Are you certain in your ability to handle the outpost by yourself?"
These are some suggestions for the third question, but overall I like what you did with the interview. Descriptive, but brief and to the point, just like I like 'em. I'm also going to tinker around with the kids' profiles.
Toying with the kids' profiles. None of this is permanent, but some experimental changes.
Numerical designation: Entity 73
Date and Location of Recovery: 7/14/17, Greenpoint
Age: 4
Numerical designation: Entity 73
Date and Location of Recovery: 7/14/17, Greenpoint
Age: 4
Containment Measures: Non-Corporeal Entity Stabilization Unit installed in Entity 73's quarters. Unit has portable-use capabilities, but should be returned to its place when not in use.
Anomalous Ability: Has the ability to phase through solid matter.
Physical Description: Average height (1.06 meters), black hair, green eyes, DNA testing shows Western European descent. Parents are unknown.
Personal Notes: Claims she knows 'Panich', but I know that silly goose is lying. Seems to have a very sporadic energy cycle, as many small children would. She's very playful when she's energetic, and takes joy in having the other kids chase her.
Numerical Designation: Entity 38
Date and Location of Recovery: 8/8/16, Upper East Side (Manhattan)
Age: 9
Containment Measures: Entity 38's effects are typically not harmful so long as 38 is engaged in activity or otherwise distracted. Ear defenders (or other adequate hearing protection) must be available for all personnel in the event they are required.
Anomalous Ability: Prone to vocalizations which gradually increase to an unnatural and potentially hazardous volume.
Physical description: Above average height (1.45 meters), curly brown hair, blue eyes, DNA testing shows mixed descent, prominently Hispanic. Mother: Cambella Wagner, Father: Cayden Wagner.
Personal Notes:: As many times as I've needed to replace the windows, I love Jared. Takes interest in space travel, and coincidentally, singing shows. At least whenever we can afford cable.
Numerical Designation: Entity 12
Date and Location of Recovery: 5/20/16, Long Island City
Age: 7
Containment Measures: Standard cleaning supplies may be used in response to Entity 12's anomalous effect. This should be carried out as often as deemed necessary.
Anomalous Ability: Entity 12 regularly produces small volumes of orange juice from its skin pores.
Physical Description: Average height (1.46 meters), straight brown hair, purple eyes, DNA testing shows strong Russian descent. Mother: Unknown, Father: Dimitry Mikhailov.
Personal Notes: Poor kid always gets picked on during breakfast. Doesn't talk much, but when he does, he's loud. Takes interest in hockey and similar sports. Refuses to let go of his Russian Olympic Ice Hockey Poster from 2014.
Numerical Designation: Entity 7
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: [TBD]
Containment Measures: Entity 7 must remain in its personal quarters at all times. Video surveillance equipment is modified with cognitohazard-filter lens. Personnel must wear cognitohazard-filtering safety goggles at all times when interacting with Entity 7.
Anomalous Ability: Entity 7 induces a petrification-like effect on any subject that maintains visual contact. Further study of this effect is not feasible at this time.
Physical Description: N/A Mother: Unknown, Father: Unkown.
Personal Notes: [TBD]
Numerical Designation: Entity 18
Date and Location of Recovery: [TBD]
Age: 10
Containment Measures: Entity 18's quarters are reinforced with sufficiently resistant materials wherever possible. A basic neutralizing compound is to be applied upon manifestatiom of Entity 18's effects.
UPDATE 18-A: 3/16/XX - Entity 18 neutralized (deceased, via self-inflicted exposure to anomalous effect). Containment measures discontinued.
Anomalous Ability: Entity 18 produces a corrosive acidic substance from both ear canals. This effect appears to be involuntary and manifests without discernable cause.
Physical Description: Average height (1.39 meters), bald-headed, pale blue eyes, DNA testing shows full Southern African descent. Mother: Rebecca [REDACTED], Father: Berko [REDACTED]
Personal Notes: …I'm so sorry Grace. I tried, I tried to request the funds for more neutralizer. I tried to keep you alive, but they refused. I still intercept messages from your parents asking of your whereabouts, and it's always passed off as a missing child case. I'm so sorry…
Containment Measures: Non-Corporeal Entity Stabilization Unit installed in Entity 73's quarters. Unit has portable-use capabilities, but should be returned to its place when not in use.
Anomalous Properties: Has the ability to phase through solid matter.
Physical Description: Below average height, black hair, green eyes, genetic testing shows strong Caucasian descent. Note: When Entity 73's properties manifest, certain physical attributes seem to be enhanced. Overall movement speed and situational awareness appear to increase.
This is just an example of what we could do to the physical descriptions, as people commented that they felt to brief or meaningless in the feedback section. It makes sense too. Just naming what they look like doesn't seem very professional-looking. Just some stuff to think about.
Intro: (Considering adding more of a backstory, as I said in my previous message).
Example: He remembered the day like it was yesterday. All of his superiors in a room gleaming at his paper proposing his cost-effective plan. He remembered cracking a big, goofy smile as they all signed the dotted lines under the page. If only he knew he could see his own future… yadayadayada.
The email, for the most part is great. My first draft of it may not have been all the professional, clinical tone it should have been, but I wanted to keep a part or two. I still wanted to include something about the whole "You've shown to do two of the three (Secure. Contain. Protect.), prove to us that you can reliably complete all three" part I had in the original one. I also wanted to keep the hint that he was kinda pissing off the Foundation. Like he's requested several times for a budget increase like someone who's always trying to bum some gum hehe off of you.
RE: Funding Adjustment Request
Reginald,
Upon review of your most recent request for additional funding, I must inform you that said request has been denied. As we have previously informed you: Until your project can be shown to reliably meet all of its stated objectives, no further expenditures will be considered.
As it was you who conceived the program, you are responsible for having underrepresented the costs associated with maintaining it. Bear in mind that there are numerous high-priority operations ongoing in your area which could make effective use of your currently allocated budget.
Maybe towards the end of it, like right here to drive the point home to Reginald. I understand if it doesn't fit because it doesn't fit tone.
Site-90 Office of Administrative Review,
~ (name)
I think it's between characterizing the kids towards the beginning or leaving the characterization as is (with the new change being their respective entity profile directly after the fact, like you suggested. I quite like that idea). So in my opinion, with some touch ups and a few added details, most of the beginning could stay the same.
I like how you've reworked the chase scene, but one question I had while writing it myself was how long does this have to be? Originally I didn't want a lot of attention brought to it because it's not where the story lies, it's just a means of having Reginald bring another child into the Home secure another entity. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.
I'll be on a computer in a day or two to do some more heavy work, but quick thing I want to mention: the beginning of a piece is, from a writing standpoint, one of the most important parts of a story. It has to be something that grips a reader right away and makes them want to keep reading. My ideas vaguely include: maybe something like what's there now, maybe a flashback to allude more to the Grace incident.. Not too sure myself, but something I want to put ouf there to think about.
UPDATE: Ideas for the Intro section - 1. In the e-mail box, under a in reply to: line, including Reggie's original request? Something that has him reiterate the large volume of minorly anomalous minors he's actually finding, and his expectation the funds should be approvable now. His thoughts to himself are good too for this, but we'll want to 'show, not tell' as much as we can if possible. A flashback to his happy reaction at getting the chance to open the program could be an effective contrast to how tired/run-down he's become by this point; from optimistic to jaded, etc. (maybe moreso if the action kinda mirrors the opening scene there now - Sitting at computer, waiting for e-mail, it says 'approval granted', Reggie smiling and eager to do good… cut to the present.)
Re: The chase - I'd agree it's not really a focus point overall, but does help to serve characterize Reggie: Showing what he sometimes goes through to reach out to the kids, how he interacts with them, and the way he literally goes from stressing over "What am I gonna do with all these kids?" to "There's another one in need, I better get after it." without hardly a second thought. So I'll tune it again to put more focus on communicating those and trimming what doesn't serve that purpose.
Question about the final dialogue exchange: Have you any ideas who the two speakers are to be? Or their role/involvement in the project, if any? Thinking more on the logistics, perhaps one could be Reggie's primary on-site contact; wants to wash their hands of the failure, make sure all the blame goes to Reggie. Suitable punishment, I think, might be just reassignment to, like, some low-value anomalous object storage facility; maybe throw some commentary from one of the speakers like "Had you read any of these 'personal notes' in the files? This guy doesn't have the stomach to be around humanoid anomalies." Though if you think he should catch more than that, we can step up the discipline.
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WIP-Notes
Collectors Edition Bonus Content Disc!
Includes:
- A "Making-Of" Featurette
- Production notes from the set
- Commentary track featuring the authors
[[span style="color:white"]] White text [[/span]]
Boogey_Man23
BluePinpoint
Alright, here's our collab sandbox. I'm thinking this front tab on the WIP-Notes tabview can be a place for us to leave messages or whatever without needing to links up in chat. I'll use green text, to make these stand out more.
I don't know about your writing process, but I tend to have lots of WIP-Notes like these when drafting; I'll keep mine on my tab, and you can do the same on yours if you like. Feel free to make whatever changes to this page as needed.
I copy+pasted your draft from your other sandbox page to the Draft 1 tab; I'll try to put in work on a copy in Draft 2 tab, and I guess we'll eventually combine them for the final product.
- B_Man23
Sounds good. I went ahead and pasted in the rewrite I did a few nights ago. The one where stuff moves kinda fast and some stuff isn't explained (gotta love drafts). I think we should start by being on the same page about one thing: the plot, how it starts, ends, and the meat in between. Once we get that down, we can figure out, like maybe something of yours works but mine doesn't (or vice versa), then we can figure out what to do from there.
Criticizing past me here, but I made stuff too obvious in my original draft. That's something I want to avoid in the new one.
-BluePinpoint
Nice; I see a lot of improvement in this rewrite, so that's great! Let's run with the most recent version, I say. I think you do a good job of writing the character interactions and the human aspect of the story, so I'll make my initial focus trying to tune up the professional tone in the bureaucratic documents like the e-mail message near the beginning. I may try at some alternative options for the prose in descriptive or action scenes as well.
I'll also attempt to hash out a bunch of the background details to this situation. So that we as the authors can be on the same page; and hopefully having the big picture in mind will help with finding the right amount of information to give the readers for situational context, and doing it in a way that keeps the pacing interesting. Those, and some of my initial thoughts and reactions on the character and story will be on the following tab.
Awesome! Glad you like the rewrite. You're right about the email part, there is a fine line there. The people at the Foundation aren't pricks, it's just that Reginald's project isn't their top priority. The emotional attachment of the kids in their info logs was definitely what I was going for. One thing that challenged me was the whole 'My Biggest Mistake' part with the one he failed to 'Protect' (which is also the scenario I referred to in the email). How to slowly reveal what happened and not just yelling it out. Also, yeah, the chase scene does need to be fleshed out, it's not super thrilling.
The more important part of what you said, though, helping the reader get the bigger picture. We have to figure out how to introduce this whole scenario; maybe it doesn't start smack in the middle of Reginald waiting for the email. Reading over my own draft (and pretending I've never read it), I understand the full situation of Reginald's site towards then end when I wrote in the sign that says Reginald's Home for the Oddly Gifted.
Update: Tried to do a bit of stylistic editing on the chase scene (2nd tab under Drafts). Still a WIP of course; but if you agree it's a move in the right direction I'll carry on (and do the same with other scenes that might benefit from it). Also thinking more on the rationale behind the Foundation's denying of funds, because you're right that they aren't pricks; just that they prioritize the bigger picture and efficient practicality, plus they are forced to follow the bureaucratic process that goes with making decisions.
As to giving the background setting/situation to the audience, I reckon we just need to land in between 'a boring infodump' and 'suddenly introducing things without any context'. My opinion is that we should err on the side of being brief/concise with the storytelling for now, as it'll probably be easier to plug in practical details afterward than trying to pick what can be taken out. Once we get to shopping the draft around for outside review we'll get a more objective gague on that aspect, so I'm not too concerned about it just yet.
Re: Reggies Biggest Mistake / The Grace Incident - I think some vague allusions to it, like in the e-mail response and in Reggie's thoughts and reflections, followed by giving the fuller story in Reggie's computer is a good strategy. Another thought I had was maybe interspersing each of the current children's File info in, like, the paragraphs where they're introduced. E.g: After putting Rosie to bed, line break, collapsible with age/profile of abilities (with or without the Personal Notes bit, maybe save those blurbs for where they're at near the end), then resume action with the next child. It could help the reader form an idea of each kid in the house, instead of being just names that might not register. But I dunno, that might not be necessary.
Huh, liking the blue color here. I'm seeing your notes in the 'WIP notes' section. I'm going to create a new tab where I'll go ahead and start putting our major concerns and ideas into one page. Also, if we're not ready for that yet, it'll be there when needed. About some of your notes: Should we include a whole 'initiation phase' of Reginald's project to maybe help people to understand what is going on from the get-go, or should we leave the introduction of his situation as is?
Okay, I got your message from the piecing it together tab. Yes, I definitely want to include more about the Grace incident, as it is Reginald's first huge mishap at his site. However the reason I put that note there about the flashback to the approval of the project is because it would offer insight to what Reginald's project actually is so the reader can understand what's going on. It's just a thought, but I think it'd serve better in that sense.
P.S. Can't wait to work with you once you're back at your computer. :D
Alright! Glad to see we're rowing in sync and both happy with the progress so far. I'm liking the extra tab for addressing more specific points/issues too. I'm adding a new tab at the very front-end of the Drafts tabview, thinking that'll be the best place to have the most up-to-date/complete version of our draft. We're probably near-ready to try getting some feedback on what's there, I think (I'll hold off shopping it around chat and stuff until/unless you agree it's there).
I'll try to come up with some more alternate versions of a few paragraphs, but keep them on my second tab for now; we can plug them in on the Tab1 / Final Version if we agree they read smoother.
Went ahead and toyed around with the end conversation in the 'The Draft' tab and I think I have it close to what I wanted. I've made the conversation between the site director and the co-site director (same woman who talked to Reginald after he ran out of the building once the kids escaped). I like your idea of relocating Reginald to a different area, so I added that in. I kept it short and sweet, but maybe the dialogue needs a little fixing up. Next thing I'll prioritize is the intro.
I read your rework of the chase scene, and I like it. I agree that it should be kept short, but I like the details you added to it such as the dogs in the distance. Also about the kids' profiles, I like how you've given the descriptions and containment procedures a better tone. Was having a bit of trouble with that part. As for the locations of recovery, I see your point. The only people that will really see it are the people at Site-90 and Reginald himself, so there doesn't need to be a [REDACTED] there. About Rosie's location of recovery, I originally thought that considering she's non-corporeal that it would be difficult to chase and pin her down to one location. Now that I look at it though, once you catch something, you're in one specific location, so I got that part wrong :P. Fair points there.
I think our main focus (before we get it critiqued) is the intro. I'll spitball a few different variations in the piecing it Together tab and highlight them different colors so we can compare.
Nice. I plugged the updated profiles into #1Draft, and have done a bit of tweaking on the dialogue in the new final exchange (edited version is on my tab). As for the flashback intro, I think I'm leaning toward the blue option there. I like the idea of applying stark emotional contrast to two scenes that are otherwise similar in action: the [eager vs. anxious] idle anticipation, the [good vs. bad] news received, the [happy vs. upset] reaction. I'll also try to weigh in with a brief approval e-mail, see if that fits in.
I found there was a 'draft version' of the page holding when I started working on it earlier tonight. I chose continue and then locked in the save, but do remember to use 'Save' instead of 'Save Draft' when adding work to the page (or did I already say that in the PM I wrote earlier?) Anyway, nothing lost I don't think, so no big deal.
Alright, I think this is almost ready for 1st wave critique. I'm going to hold off on it for now until we both agree on it. I went ahead and pasted the blue flashback scene into 'The Draft', and we can tweak it a bit. A small concern I have: Are we good on the references to the 'Grace Incident', or do we still need to add some in there? The more I look at what we've written, the more difficult I find it to find a spot to reference it without sounding forced (IMO, the scene where' Reggie is walking to all of the containment cells could be a good point to do so (adding a quick flashback or having him shiver at the thought maybe)). Secondly, the kids' profiles. This is a quick fix, but in the updated ones you've posted, I think you left out the personal notes for each kid. I think they give Reginald more personality and removing them kinda contradicts the end dialogue. Never-mind, I just read the last list of profiles and they're there. I am curious though, did you leave them out of the initial ones to save them for the end to make it seem more sad when the whole project fails? If so, I'm all for it. Minor note: pasted in the rest of Vivian's profile. Didn't paste right last time, I suppose. Lastly, we just need a minor hazardous effect for her and names for the site director and co-director.
Regardless, we've put some good work into this… almost time to hear what the people have to say, dontcha think?
Great. I agree we're due to get some feedback on this. I put an extra tab in front of this one, just so reviewers don't happen to look at the scrollbar as soon as the page loads and think "oh boy, it's a long one…", lol. After locking in these edits I'll start asking around for some crit (we'll prob want to make a forum thread to request reviewers leave the critique on, if possible for them. Then we can both look back at it later on. Or we can copy any feedback from chat to a tab here) UPDATE: Tab 'Feedback' added on. Copy+paste the convo if you can and the other person's ok with it, or else just sum up their feedback and note who it was.
That was indeed my thinking with omitting the "Personal Notes" from the first time the files come up. Like, that's as much as he sends to his superiors at Site; it's just on his own console he keeps the extra stuff. And, given the short length of the piece overall, I think the one allusion to Grace in the 'Funding denied' e-mail and paragraph after is probably good. It plants the seed of the idea, and before long we see it come out in the files at the end. But I guess we'll see if another mention should be squeezed in, and if so where we can. Question about the Daniel scene: As we've reduced some of it, how crucial is the part with the restaurant? I think I left that section mostly untouched, but wonder if we can trim down the wordcount around there as well.
One thing to mention about the flashback introduction: As we are presenting the character having a problem with drinking, the casual drink maybe oughtn't feature as it does. Like, being the sunny and positive flashback, his vice shouldn't be mentioned. Unless we portray him as more of a functional alcoholic, but that maybe reduces the drama of him falling deeper into it later on? Meh, I dunno. Maybe glance the alternate version on my tab for an example of what I had in mind. I'll also continue to try alternate versions of a couple other sections, with variations on dialogue and diction, and have them on my other tab as well for now. Aside from a couple [TBD] placeholders left (most notably a 'Personal Notes' bit for Vivian), I reckon we've got a completed draft here. Now it's on to gathering feedback and making edits and revisions.
Edited the opening scene . Just omitted all the mentions of vodka and the like. I like that you added a feedback tab, that'll be useful for when we get responses so we can keep them all in a nice little file. About the Daniel scene: No, it's not super important. I added it in there initially for Reginald to feel bad for the child, thus making it seem that he was a goody-two shoes kinda kid. Later he finds out that the kid wasn't all he thought he was, since Daniel opened the doors when Reginald was drunk and forgot to lock them. That was the main purpose of it other than to characterize Daniel a little bit.
About the intro in your tab: I'm not so sure we need to state Reginald's mission statement outright like that. The organization of his old, nice office could work if we include something about the broken-down state of his current office. I agree with you on keeping the alcohol out of the introduction. It'd help people understand Reggie's situation better once everything is falling apart around him.
Some stuff i wanted to say about your version of the conclusion in your draft tab. Over the span of this project you've helped give the article the more professional-sounding tone it needs, and that's very important. I just don't think that people would talk to each other the same way, ya know? I'll admit, I have what is basically the polar opposite of that in the 'The Draft' tab (where the conversation is mostly colloquial), but I think we can find a middle ground between technical and free-flowing. It'll put a nice little bow on the whole paper.
Okay. The approval e-mail is maybe too much on the side of unnecessary exposition, we can leave it out. And the spoken dialogue can be made more casual / colloquial, will work on that too. Also perhaps we just cut the 'going inside the restaurant' bit out completely? It kinda came up in my convo with DrChandra - If I had to think about it, I might pin the motive/idea of the breakout on Vivian anyway. So characterizing Daniel for that becomes less important, I think.
I've gotten a few eyes on the current version and so far the opinions are generally positive, so that's good news. I'll spiff up the formatting for the e-mail and files, maybe port over some other changed sections, and depending on overall feedback we'll take things from there. I think we've done a good job on this, and could have it mainsite-ready in fairly short order. Of course, the more people we can get to back that opinion beforehand the better.
Good thing you're acquainted with the more technical side of wiki, that's for sure. Maybe we should replace the restaurant scene with them milling through a building or two to show how broken down the area is? The restaurant scene does take up a good bit of space, so outright deleting it would shorten the length of the article a good bit. I'll wait for your opinion on that one. In the meantime I'll toy around with what could replace that scene so there's not a big gap between them in the construction site and them at Reginald's place in my tab. I'll try to make it meaningful as well. Other than that, this is looking near-mainsite ready and dadgummit if I'm not excited about it. Not sure if you know, but this would be the first article I've made to go mainsite. There's a fun fact.
As for the concluding conversation (specifically the one you pasted into 'The Draft', I like it. I think we both went to the extreme ends of human conversation there :P, so the mix between the two is perfect.
Also I've read the convo you had with the person reviewing this (glad to see they like it for the most part). Maybe there's another email exchange or two to be made to illustrate Reginald's unwillingness to give up the project? We can't just have him talk to himself about it, ya know? I'll spitball more ideas in my tab.
Yes, keep basically the action of the walk back, but any additional narrative can be refocused to something else. Hmm.. I wonder if it ever occurs to Reggie that being contained in his Home might not be in Daniel's best interest; or maybe if they kept talking, like Daniel might be curious where they're going, he could (unintentionally even) ask some kind of 'armor-piercing question' that raises those doubts in Reginald's mind? Also, I'd like to replace the walkie-talkie with a phone call (I suppose it's kind of a nitpicky logic thing for me, I can explain it more fully someplace outside this message) at the part before they get back. One version is shorter, the other longer but addresses that there's a secret process beyond just dialing a Site's public phone number or whatever.
Here's a thought of mine, but I'm not sure about it… two flashbacks might be too many, or where this one might fit in, but: a conversation he has with Dr. Albrecht some other time in the past, when he's struggling to keep Grace alive. "You've been such a nuisance that now I have to step in myself", "You'll find a way to make due, or else say that the project is a failure and we can end it", etc. Reggie panics in his head "No, I can make due!"
Also, would you post a thread on the Draft Critique forum for us? Won't hurt to cast another line out for catching feedback. Just need to include: a link to this sandbox, a brief pitch of the story, maybe a bit of our specific concerns (and title the thread something more descriptive than just 'draft', lol). I'm away from a computer for a couple days, so I can do it on the weekend if you aren't able before then.
Plotting out a new intro, kinda like a few brief glimpses at the events leading up to the main part of the story. Part A being the project approval, Part B a veiled allusion to the Grace Incident, Part C meant to convey that he's become more detached from his responsibility to the Site. From there I think we can jump to the night when the story takes place (I'll rewrite Albrecht's e-mail to bring it in line with these changes). Stuff's on my tab under Drafts for now.
Here's me spitballing some backstory/motive for Reggie: Perhaps in his past he had a daughter he never got to raise (like maybe she died, or he worked too much and his family walked out on him). Crossing paths with Grace brings his past to mind and he forms a sentimental attachment. Alas, he's doomed to fail her as well. Now he's consumed by dissappointment in himself. As some form of pennance (or an effort to ease his guilty conscience) he takes it upon himself to try and help kids like Grace at every possible opportunity.
Emotional stuff like that isn't my forte, I don't think. So if you want to run that idea in a different direction (or replace it with something different) then go for it. Aside from that, I think it'll just be a matter of taking things from the top with a revamped intro and then working our way through to revise any stray details so they match the new history. Once that's all sorted we can bump our forum thread and try to get a second wave of feedback.
Out of those two ideas, I like the idea of him having a 'tragic backstory' with a daughter over the family idea. One, because it relates more with his blessing/curse (being that he loves children). Two because, frankly, introducing a family means characterizing a whole new cast of characters. Not that I'm lazy, but it is more restructuring if we want to take on something like that. The part where you talk about Grace becoming sentimental to him is what I was going for originally. I think by adding in the 'daughter' backstory, it will help outline why he cared so much about Grace better. Some work will probably be done in both of our tabs, so check 'em all if you get the chance. I'll be posting stuff in the piecing it together tab.
Just to quickly put down a couple thoughts I have for to introduce the new changes to the plot and Reggie's background.
1 - Where Reggie walks back with Daniel - maybe use another flashback as filler for the scene. Something like he's walked the same area with Grace before, memories of that time when he was more optimistic, etc.
2 - Alter Reggie's personal notes under the Grace file. Maybe something that establishes the connection he feels between her and his daughter. It'd probably the final piece that should make the reader recognize the significance of it (after however much subtle indicators we can give in previous scenes)
I'll rewrite Albrecht's message to Reggie probably Wednesday night; make it about his project's productivity staggering off and his less frequently communicating with Site-90, rather than additional funding (him blowing her off also gives her a good reason to visit the Outpost the following morning).
I like the changes to the profiles, going a bit further into detail with the physical descriptions seems good. I'll probably also change that first scene so the first and third questiosn are "You can handle this yourself?", at least as a placeholder.
One last thing: we might want to shuffle any WIP-Notes and stuff for things we've discarded or aren't following through on now to a different tabview or someplace it won't clutter with our more recent notes (maybe a new tabview at the bottom, or delete them completely if we're sure we won't want to look back at them at any point).
About the handwaving bit. Would Reggie not having a great relationship with Site-99 justify stuff? In the beginning my assumption was that since Reggie wanted this place to be on a low budget that additional requests over what he asked would be frowned upon. I think this is our most difficult loophole to write around.
Here's an idea: Maybe Reggie underestimated her (Grace's) anomalous effect's potential. Basically he sets up these procedures to keep her contained but her anomalous effect overrides it, threatening the rest of the facility and the kids there. Thus Reggie has to, ah… eliminate the problem. Just an idea. I think it'd be a more extreme way to have Reggie feel bad about not being able to contain her. It would also add to Site-99's doubts about him being able to handle this project.
…
I'll be honest, I'm going to new levels of physical and spiritual being with how tired I am. I'll have a look at this again tomorrow or when I get a chance. Real life catches up fast. ( :
Research Links
New York City
…..
| Just kinda brainstorming with this, let me know your reaction to any of these potential points. |
Setting:
Reggie is a member of the SCP Foundation, probable background as Containment Technician and/or Field Operative, who has proposed and volunteered to spearhead an experimental pilot program focused on: "creating a cost-efficient solution to finding and addressing low-priority anomalous humanoids within the general population".
Character:
Reggie is most personally concerned with helping people in need. Perhaps not so suited to the Foundation's policy of dehumanizing the anomalies they contain, but still feels a duty to do all he can using his position within the SCP organization.
Perhaps in his past he had a daughter he never got to raise (like maybe she died, or he worked too much and his family walked out on him). Crossing paths with Grace brings his past to mind and he forms a sentimental attachment. Alas, he's doomed to fail her as well. Now he's consumed by dissappointment in himself. As some form of pennance (or an effort to ease his guilty conscience) he takes it upon himself to try and help kids like Grace at every possible opportunity.
Story:
Projecting low overhead costs (by severely reducing material costs and staffing expenditures) had probably been necessary to get the project approval at all. But over time Reggie has encountered far more instances than he'd anticipated. He simply doesn't have the budget to effectively meet these demands, but doesn't have it in him to overlook or turn away any new child he comes across. Ultimately he pushes himself to a situation beyond his depth, and his project that could have potentially been expanded and helped similar kids in different locations ends up being considered a failure and cut from any future considerations.
Note: Incorporate more allusion to 'Grace incident'.
- More than just funding influencing Admin decision to cancel the program.
- Increased motive for Reggie to take in as many kids as he can (?)
- …
Conflict between Reggie and SCP Administration
Reggie - Believes he has clearly shown the need for this sort low-grade humanoid containment program. Feels that demonstrating a higher-than-anticipated volume of such containment cases should support the decision to officially enact the program.
Jaded. Disregarding his mandate in order to help kids under his care.
Admin - Refusal to reallocate funds within the operating area's budget before the program is deemed a reliable and effective use of Foundation assets. Current assessment is that performance has been satisfactory at best, and not without failures or setbacks.
Concerns over drop-off in results and overall lack of communication.
More Logistics of Program
Reggie himself the only staff member assigned to this project full-time. As a result they are living in the building 24/7. Additional security or research personnel may be assigned on temporary/part-time basis, but dependent on availability from regular on-site duties.
Has a main point-of-contact at the nearest Foundation Site, for reporting significant events or requesting support when needed. (Supposing this point-of-contact isn't personally supportive of the program in the first place, they might be reluctant to fulfill any such requests, short of dispatching emergency containment techs for breach response or encounter with a "serious anomaly")
Geography
Neighbourhoods currently used for kid's recoveries implies locale in Brooklyn, maybe near Williamsburg bridge. Easy to readjust if it turns out that's actually more of a nicer neighbourhood in real life.
Specific Logistical Flaws
- Program should have been thoroughly audited before being put into action.
A: Specific details of the program were misrepresented by Reginald from the start. He would have characterized it as a low-intensity assignment: tracking small-risk targets, temporarily holding on to them for brief assessment, then transferring them to Site. This would, in theory, allow Foundation to contain a number of anomalies which might otherwise go unnoticed, as well as give the Site's Researchers and Containment Techs a headstart on the documentation and analysis of incoming anomalies.
Given that on paper, the decision was made to implement a trial run. But over time Reginald strays from the official plan; dedicating more of his time to remaining at the Outpost than actively tracking new targets, and producing fewer results for Site.
This raises the question: How does he manage to continually stall and delay transfer of the children to the Site? If they know he's got five kids there at the house and isn't equipped to handle more than, like, two, why wouldn't the Site post additional researchers / guards / con-techs to the Outpost? Or send a team to come take them off Reggie's hands for him?
- More than one person should be assigned/involved with this.
A: Can Reggie be given enough control that staffing decisions are made by him without any major oversight? If so: is he trying to reduce the Outpost's expenditures in man-hours, in exchange for equipment / materials? Or perhaps keeping other staff as uninvolved as possible is part of how he maintains the illusion that things are under control and he's not royally failing his original objective?
- "this Reginald person (do we ever get a title or a doctor note or something telling us more about who he is? The Site Director even refers to the guy by his first name)"
A: Full name = Dr. Reginald R. Reginald? *shrug* Good question, I guess.
Seems like we're on the same page about setting , characterization and the likes. Might I say, you nailed perfectly what my vision was. As in the previous message, I'll make a new tab where we can start piecing this stuff together. Sort of a rough draft space.
Yup, logistics is the number 1 issue we have right now. I like the idea of instead of this place being a site, it could be a recovery outpost. I still think some 'pre-project acceptance' content might, help (i.e. convos with other Site-90 members or colleagues, convo with with the site director and co-site director) could help clear things up.
About the outpost, here are my thoughts:
I agree that it should be a small containment and processing outpost. It helps explain why Reginald is alone, because there isn't much need for a full staff if there's only like 4-6 anomalies. They're documented and processed before they're passed to Site-90 or other necessary locations. Reginald deviates from the plan and keeps the anomalies longer than they're supposed to. This could explain why he's not in good standing with the Site-90 director and why the budget (and the facility itself) is crumbling. He's spending more money than expected because he's accounting for the anomalies cost of living.
I like the idea of the outpost being a trial run, but at the same time, it negates the ending a bit. If it's just a trial run, then the ending doesn't hold as much weight and Reginald shouldn't be punished as harshly considering it's a test. It could be implemented, but know that the ending would be changed a bit.
One more point I'll expound on as of now: Why is Reginald taking in all of these kids? This brings me back to my point that some backstory should be added to explain this stuff. Maybe he's experienced traumatic situations with kids, maybe he's had a kid that died due to neglect or etc. These are some things we can think about.
Critique Forum Thread
http://www.scp-wiki.net/forum/t-5510757/reggie-s-home-for-the-oddly-gifted
Record Crits Given By Reviewers In Chat
(Include what was said + who said it)
<DrChandra>: BoogeyMan23 overall I like it, but there are a couple of points I'm unclear on.
<DrChandra>: Why wouldn't the Foundation provide more of Grace's neutralizing agent?
<BoogeyMan23>: right.. I suppose it's kind of a vague handwave as it stands, but general idea is that he doesn't enough in his budget to take care of more than one or two anomalies at a time
<BoogeyMan23>: so he goes and takes in, like, five and has to stretch, and it's not enough
<DrChandra>: I think that's a problem though. I get what you're going for, but I don't think handwaving is enough.
<DrChandra>: Maybe make it clearer that he's failing because he's taken in too many kids
<BoogeyMan23>: right. so perhaps put a bit more into expressing the logistics of why he's failing like he is
<DrChandra>: Right now the letter mentions them not making any returns on the investment (or words to those effect) which doesn't really make sense for the Foundation. They want these things contained, not make a profit
<DrChandra>: He fails because he has too much heart for a Foundation doctor
<BoogeyMan23>: yes. that right there is, like, the defining thing
<DrChandra>: Maybe specifically mention that it was his choice to ration grace's 'medicine' in order to contain Vivian. He thought he could make it work, but…
<DrChandra>: Because it just doesn't make sense to me that the Foundation wouldn't give it to him, but if he did go overbudget they'd probably replace him, which he doesn't want.
<DrChandra>: Vivian's just a suggestion, because she seems like she's be the most expensive to me.
<BoogeyMan23>: right. those two are the most intensive to contain, so that makes sense. and ya, also that he doesn't want to admit he's really in too deep because he doesn't want it shut down completely
<DrChandra>: Also, what exactly happened at the end? Did all the kids choose to runaway when they had the chance, or were they taken?
<BoogeyMan23>: run away, I think is what happened. Vivian maybe told Daniel they get locked in and it's awful and let us all out pls, or something like that
<DrChandra>: And they talked the younger ones into coming along? I guess that makes sense
<DrChandra>: So aside from those issues, I liked this and would upvote
<BoogeyMan23>: but yeah, details like that can be worked out and expressed better in the story itself. you think the general idea for the tale is decent tho?
<DrChandra>: I do
<BoogeyMan23>: great! we'd been doing quite a bit of back and forth getting it to where it is, so I didn't want to find out any later than now if it has problems right in the concept
<DrChandra>: I like that his compassion for these kids is ultimately what causes his failure. It's an engaging story and I don't think I've seen one like it before.
<BoogeyMan23>: you don't mind if I copy+paste some of this convo to the sandbox, for my co-author to read?
<DrChandra>: Go right ahead
- DrChandra (Mon Mar 12)
| Do more to express the logistics of why Reggie is failing (going over capacity, stretching his budget too thin, denying that the program itself is unsustainable). Attempting to balance the costs of coghaz-proof equipment for Vivian by rationing neutralizing agent for Grace is a reasonable explanation (and more reason for Reggie to feel personal guilt over the incident). |
| Perhaps use something more formal/clinical than "Gifts" in the files segments. (At least in the first "official" ones. Maybe leave it in Reggie's own files with the "Personal notes" parts). Formatiing / layout could be improved. |
- CdotPillar (Mon Mar 12)
- Baseplate (Mon Mar 12)
12:59 <Draycott> So as far as general idea goes, I like the notion of there being a sort of center for anomalous children
13:00 <Draycott> I simply had a hard time believing the Foundation had no safeguards in place whatsoever in the case one gear(Reggie) broke
13:02 <BoogeyMobile23> Right. Yeah, perhaps the biggest suspension of disbelief we're asking is that one person is left to handle as much as this
13:03 <BoogeyMobile23> They do somewhat undersell it to their superiors, tho thats a thing we still need to show more
13:04 <Draycott> I think that even if this project was undersold, a group as paranoid as the Foundation would have some inspections. Reggie trying to game the system in that regard could help make that more realistic
13:06 <Draycott> I assume it was Daniel who broke out the other kids right?
13:07 <BoogeyMobile23> Mmkay. Yea, the core of the story is how Reggie cares too much on a personal level and it ultimately backfires
13:07 <Draycott> Well in that regard, I think it might be interesting to see his documentation of the kids gradually(or drastically if you want to skip time) losing their clinical tone
13:08 <BoogeyMobile23> Yeah, we might look for a way to elaborate on that too. But yes, Daniel gets out, maybe Vivian tells him about how they're locked in and they all runaway
13:08 <Draycott> The draft forums are always going on about how 'informal' articles don't help containment specialists so it could contribute
13:08 <Draycott> See I ask about Daniel because Vivian doesn't seem to know what happens when people look at her, and I imagine Daniel must have looked at her
13:11 <BoogeyMobile23> Yyyeah.. she must have some idea that people can't look at her, or else.. I've tinkered some with her anomaly to make that work,
13:13 <BoogeyMobile23> And one little detail we did intentionally was omitting the 'personal notes' in the first time each file appears, for effect
13:14 <Draycott> So as I said, big picture wise this story has some good potential for tear-jerking and showing off new forms of containment
13:14 <BoogeyMobile23> Like, a contrast between his professionalism and his personal attachment
13:15 <Draycott> Instead of focusing on the contrast, I'd recommend displaying the competition between his professionalism and personal attachment
13:15 <Draycott> But I certainly got that he was struggling between those two
13:16 <BoogeyMobile23> Ah, ok. Because it's in trying to balance the two of those that he ends up failing both.. so that makes sense
13:17 <Draycott> Yeah. Because his professionalism alientates him from the kids, while his personal attachment pisses off the Foundation
13:17 <Draycott> but he can't bring himself to fully commit to one side or the other because of (insert consequence here)
13:19 <Draycott> I'd imagine the Foundation wouldn't just let him run off with the kids. And Reggie doesn't strike me as the guy who can stomach beginning full experimentation and lockdown on the kids
13:19 <BoogeyMobile23> Alright. Ya, perhaps it's his inner conflict that we need to play up more in the story
13:20 <Draycott> I agree. Inner conflict is a great source of tension in short works like this
13:21 <BoogeyMobile23> Right. He's 'supposed' to hold them briefly, assess the anomaly, and pass it on. But he stalls and holds them, so he can care for them..
13:21 <Draycott> oh is that what he's supposed to do? Ohhhhh
13:21 <Draycott> I didn't get that on my first few reads. I thought he was running his own mini-site
13:22 <Draycott> This opens up several, several opportunities for struggle actually
13:22 <BoogeyMobile23> Right. I'd say it's technically what would be labeled an 'Outpost'
13:23 <Draycott> So here are some thoughts I just considered that could help with Reggie's struggle as a result
13:24 <BoogeyMobile23> If you check the tab 'Boogey_Man23 +' theres an expository email which mat or may not get put in
13:24 <Draycott> Reggie stalls by claiming the kids are unfit to be transferred (he does something to them and the Foundation waits until they're stabilized. +1 Foundation trust, -1 Kid trust)
13:25 <Draycott> I'd honestly recommend against the expository email
13:25 <Draycott> Even though they're not the focus, finding out the kids were entities and Reggie was Foundation was a nice surprise, even though discovered early in
13:26 <Draycott> Knowing it from the get-go could work, but I think you'd have to sacrifice the entity logs since the audience would already know that they're anomalous
13:27 <BoogeyMobile23> Mmkay. We were leaning against it, so thanks for backing that. Interesting
13:27 <Draycott> Anything else you want looked at a little closer?
13:28 <BoogeyMobile23> And ya, what you were touching on before, thats an interesting way of looking at it. I'll think on that more too
13:29 <Draycott> All right. Good luck and thanks for the read!
13:30 <BoogeyMobile23> If you don't mind, I'll copy some of this convo onto the sandbox for my co-author to read?
13:30 <Draycott> I don't mind at all. Copy away
13:32 <BoogeyMobile23> Great! Will do that once i can, and will be sure to include you on our list of ppl to thank for crit. :) Thanks again for taking the time to read and for all your feedback
- Draycott (Fri Mar 16)
| Address why/how Reginald is allowed to run the Outpost by himself. Do any of the kids' anomalous effects (i.e: Vivian's) cause problems when they all escape together? Perhaps show the internal conflict of Reggie trying to satisfy competing priorities: Foundation superiors at Site vs. Children under his care. |
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