Supernatural Crime Podcast

HOSTS: George Washington (no relation) and John Robert "Job" Kennedy (yes relation).

EPISODES:
Jordan "Submarine" Raybon

Lighthouse Mafia

Vincent Anderson
14:54:53 god, there's gotta be a vincent anderson episode
14:55:13
<ch00bakka> Fuck
14:55:15
<~GW> but it's between austringers and blackbird and the falcon
14:56:18 "Is replacing the government with robots a crime? I don't know, but the UIU says it is."
14:57:10 "Oh, I knew they were robots the whole time. That's why I didn't vote for them."
14:57:28 "George Washington will never vote for a robot."

The Snipper
(15:03:33 <ch00bakka> Listen as far as we know the Snipper just found those corpses)

<ch00bakka> It’s like
14:15:27 Absolutely not a Foundation front
14:15:33
<~GW> absolutely
14:15:36
<ch00bakka> But it reeeeeally looks like one
14:15:54
<~GW> that's how they get away with it
14:16:03
<ch00bakka> The Foundation just thinks that it’s like
14:16:09 A clever disinformation campaign
14:16:10
<~GW> the Foundation doesn't shut them down because they think it's one of their own operations
14:16:14
<ch00bakka> Yeah
14:16:16
<~GW> they just don't know which one
14:16:23
<ch00bakka> But every department thinks it’s someone else’s project
14:17:02 God this is such a great idea
14:17:10
<~GW> the final epsiode is the UIU arresting everyone because they finally figured it out
14:17:28 bolivian army ending
14:18:03
<ch00bakka> Hahahahhahaha
14:18:06 But for what?
14:18:12 What crimes
14:18:19
<~GW> Broadcasting without a license
14:18:31 pirate radio
14:19:26 the FCC isn't clued in about three ports, so no radio stations there have licenses
14:19:52 but the 3ports public radio gets around it because the mayor has granted them diplomatic immunity
14:20:18 and nobody else makes enough trouble for the UIU to care about it
14:21:03 diplomatic immunity, I will note, not sovereign immunity
14:21:13 Duncan DJ Jazz is technically an ambassador
14:21:53 "Three Portlands Ambassador to Portland"
14:22:19 "wait, which one" "this one"

14:29:13 <GW> "Host and Cohost Go To Christian Hell"
14:29:25 to interview one of the true crime folks, obviously
14:30:00 but they might also just be super high on seance dust
14:30:32
<ch00bakka> “Hey y’all. Got a real special episode for you today. We’re gonna be interviewing none other than Richard Chappel, notorious mob boss!”

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Jordan "Submarine" Raybon

+outline

• "He wasn't a criminal except in the very technical sense that he did do things that were illegal."
• The most successful independent smuggler of the 90s
• Friendly rivalry with the UIU, particularly Florence Thorne and MOOT
• A modern day Robin Hood (in his own mind, at least)
• Notoriously and infamously suffers from tinnitus, although no one is really sure how he got it (and there's a dissenting school of scholarship that argues he's faking it for sympathy)

Submarine's Three Rules of Crime

1) No killing (unless there's a really good reason)
2) Never take from those with less when you can take from those with more
3) Give people what they want, even if it's bad for them

ORIGIN (Late 80s - Early 90s)

• "Raybon basically appeared fully formed in the UIU's arrest records in 1991 and before that is just a big blank filled with questions and lies"
• "Do we know he existed before then?"
• As far as we can tell, Raybon is a native of Three Portlands, although the notorious unreliability of city records makes this difficult to verify
• According to Raybon, he grew up in the Bottle Drop neighborhood, which occupied a slice between Milk Box Boulevard and what is now Two Roberts Street.
  • For most of its existence, Bottle Drop was a mixed-use light-industrial/residential zone populated largely by British expatriates, and one of the main industrial/working class neighborhoods of the city.
  • Initially zoned in the late 30s/early 40s as an industrial/working-class neighborhood for wartime industry during the 7th Occult War, ended up becoming a major British """cultural""" hub (n.b. no such thing as British culture) after the war, attracting British para-industrial laborers (somebody needs to manufacture Everhart Resonators, after all) and occult combat veterans who were no longer needed or wanted in peacetime Britain, and preferred expatriation to amnesticization or geas-binding.
  • Was a major economic engine for the city until the creation of Prometheus Plaza and the Docks District in the 50s (1956), which drew a significant amount of corporate and federal capital away from Bottle Drop. Neighborhood ended up as a sort of "East End" of Three Portlands, especially with many of those displaced by the development of Prometheus Plaza relocating to Bottle Drop.
  • Bottle Drop passed into the Outer Periphery in 1981 and was fully deconceptualized by 1986; Raybon claims he was "about 20" when Bottle Drop deconned.
  • Raybon claims to have had "the kind of childhood you would expect from someone growing up in the Drop", although he has never elaborated on this.
    • It can be inferred that he probably did not have much formal schooling beyond the local community school.
  • Raybon claims that he worked as a stevedore in the Docks District in his late teens and early 20s, and that this is where he got his start in Wayfaring and "moving goods"
• First arrested in 1991 [for what?]; this is the first reliable record of his existence, although it is generally accepted, based on the testimony of former associates, that he was already active small-scale smuggling operations in the Docks District by 1989, and likely before that.

The Pharos War (1992 - 1996)

• In 1992, the Lighthouse Mafia (thought to have started in the late 80s, on the rise by the early 90s) begins a concerted, semi-public campaign to eliminate independent and rival smugglers within Three Portlands in an attempt to corner the para-black market in the Northern Hemisphere
• The general consensus is that the war started when the LM killed Cicero Pulaski with a swarm of bees.
• Smugglers murdered by the Lighthouse Mafia:
  • Daniel “Wee Danny” MacTeague - Shot with a crossbow, corpse dumped in Outskirts and found by precocious youth detectives.
  • Mugwort O'Rourke - Fell down an elevator shaft, onto some bullets.
  • Dennis “Big Denny” MacTeague - Spontaneous human combustion, ashes mixed with concrete and used to pave sidewalks.
  • Donald “Medium Donny” MacTeague - Missing, presumed dead; turned up in his mom's house in Glasgow last year. Had not aged and had no memory of the intervening years.

A Solo Submarine (1996 - 2002)

The Great Corpse Heist of 1999

• Actually a zoning violation
• Three Portlands is constantly expanding outwards, with parts of the city getting cycled off to the Outside on a regular basis once they pass the Periphery
• This includes graveyards, which often get deconceptualized with bodies still in them
• After the Incident on Romero Street, the city passed strict laws on what and how you can do things with corpses, to try and regulate the practice of necromancy
• A side effect of these laws is that now bodies can only be buried in properly zoned graveyards or mausoleums
• Zoning a new graveyard involves a lot of paperwork and finding a priest (any religion) to consecrate it
• A lot of people don't want to bother with all that, and also don't want to lose their family members' bones (ancestral curses, resurrection of the dead, etc…), so people ended up hiring Raybon to relocate their dead relatives for them
• Most of the time this doesn't even involve opening Ways, Raybon just does it because he's the smuggler
• Unlicensed corpse relocation isn't even a misdemeanor, just a regulatory/summary offence
• Ultimately culminates in Raybon exhuming 23 bodies from Saint Lucifer Catholic Cemetery (deconceptualized in 2001) at the request of Bishop Bishop (of the Catholic, Orthodox, and Anglican churches) and transporting them 5 miles across the city in a single night, in what comes to be called the Great Corpse Heist of 1999
• Police are initially baffled and suspect a necromantic plot — there's a whole public campaign to catch the Saint Lucifer Necromancer, which does result in the arrest of several actual necromancers engaged in unrelated grave robbing and corpse desecration
• Crime is eventually solved (somehow? Need to figure this one out) and pinned on Raybon
• However, his only actual crime was unlicensed corpse transportation, so he gets off with a small fine and a sentence of community service; he successfully argues for time served, on the basis that he was already doing a community service for Bishop Bishop
• Raybon's cachet grows as a result, solidifying his reputation as a modern Robin Hood figure

The Submarine Sinks (2003 - 2004)