GRANT REQUEST FOR THE CONSTRUCTION OF A CONE TO GO IN THE OFFICE BECAUSE CONES ARE GREAT

GRANT REQUEST FOR THE CONSTRUCTION OF A CONE TO GO IN THE OFFICE BECAUSE CONES ARE GREAT

PROBLEM

Here at Prometheus Laboratories there is one fundamental problem. It's not that we don't have enough money. It's not that the things we do are unethical, morally questionable, and questionably abhorrent. It's not even that we don't have enough windows (which is not true, by the way, we have way too many fucking windows, and in July it's a fucking greenhouse in here. You know what, I'm going to submit a separate proposal for reducing the number of windows. It'll be like the Sims - just pop a window off a wall, sell it and get money. Boom. Window gone, problem solved), it's that there are simply not enough cones in the building. I've been working here for two years and have not seen a single cone. This is unacceptable.

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Pastry cone maybe?

SOLUTION

The solution is tauntingly simple - perhaps even deceptively so. To correct the no-cone issue, Prometheus Labs shall build a cone. It matters not even what the cone is made from. Perhaps we take a great wooden block and shave it down to a circular point, or take the tip of a lanceman's spear and just kind of have it, or we could even assemble one from some stupid material like pastry. Either way, the solution simply invites itself to be explored. Summarised, however, it boils down to one concept: a cone shall be constructed. Honestly, pastry is probably the best one. We should do that.

BUSINESS CASE

Unlike most products that Prometheus Labs mass-produces so thoughtlessly, the case of the Cone is quite different. Only one cone is needed, and it shall be placed in the Lobby, betwixt the Eastern Wall and the Receptionit's Desk. This position has been deemed the prime location for the positioning of the Cone - after all, we wish to keep this to ourselves, do we not? No point in pedestrians on the street walking past, looking in and thinking "Oh hey that's a nice cone, I'll break in and nab that tonight." No no no. Screw it, we'll put it behind the desk itself. (OR the problem could be solved by having less windows)

USE OF FUNDING

The funding will be used to build a cone.

KNOWN ISSUES

There are several issues that present themselves alongside the cone. First, if it is too small and too sharp, it can be used to stab people. This is not ideal as we already have a variety of products for the express purpose of stabbing people. If it is too large, it make be mistaken for a chair, and then we will have a project 16% increase in hurty hurty bum bum incidents which would not be ideal for productivity. Both of this issues can be mitigated by building the cone out of pastry, which is soft, perhaps with an interior cream buffer for extra safety. Overall, though, the cone promises a net increase in moral and company positivity, and is also awesome because it'a goddamn fucking cone, and cones are great.


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