Daylight Slaying Time

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GRANT REQUEST #1370
TO DEVELOP TEMPORAL ALTERATION TECHNOLOGY FOR THE FORCIBLE EXCISION OF GEORGE HUDSON FROM THE PRIME TIMELINE
PROJECT LEAD	Curtis Stunk	DATE	10 MARCH 1993
PROBLEM: Daylight Savings Time causes untold losses in productivity each year. The synchronization of Prometheus Labs servers across the globe is a labor-intensive process, requiring time zones, the presence or lack of DST in countries, different day cycles in pocket dimensions, and altered flows of time in said dimensions, to all be taken into account1. This is a considerable issue in Three Portlands, where the different times at which the US and England begin DST consistently causes confusion among the populace and visiting individuals. Staff involved in these efforts have been directly impacted as well, in part from morale issues and facing the wrath of regional timekeeping deities, which demand that we abide by their time systems.
SOLUTION: We propose the creation of a temporal transportation mechanism ("time machine") that will be able to take a small team of operatives back to the year 1892, prior to entomologist George Hudson's proposal of Daylight Saving Time. This team would be equipped with sufficient funds and armaments to make their way to New Zealand and liquidate Hudson, thereby preventing the adoption of DST by any nation and resolving the aforementioned losses of productivity.
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: $XXXX

GRANT REQUEST #XXXXX
TO INCREASE EMPLOYEE MORALE BY FURNISHING THE BREAK ROOMS AT HEADQUARTERS WITH NEW ARCADE CABINETS
PROJECT LEAD	Hugh Mann	DATE	DD Month YYYY
PROBLEM: Employee morale at our Three Portlands headquarters is at an all-time low following the removal of the Donkey Kong and Pac-Man cabinets from the break rooms after they were infected with an experimental addictive meme. The ping-pong table and dart board are nice, but do not scratch the video gaming itch in those who grew up half-blind and asthmatic, and thus never associated sports with anything but misery and humiliation at the hands of our more athletic peers.
SOLUTION: At least two arcade cabinets, preferably Mortal Kombat and Virtual Racing, are to be purchased and installed in the break room, so that we can do something while we're waiting for our code to compile.
DENIED. REASON: FRIVOLOUS2

GRANT REQUEST #XXXXX
FOR ADDITIONAL PERSONNEL TO AID IN THE NEUTRALIZATION OF GEORGE HUDSON, WHO IS SIGNIFICANTLY MORE DANGEROUS THAN ANTICIPATED
PROJECT LEAD	Curtis Stunk	DATE	10 MARCH 1993
PROBLEM: The excision of George Hudson from the timeline has failed. Once sent to 1892, the team successfully located and tracked Hudson to his home, but when he was fired upon his injuries triggered a contingency spell that summoned a Dalet-class Tartarean Entity. The team, wholly unprepared for occult defense measures, were decimated in an ensuing battle as Hudson fled. Only one operative escaped to the time machine and returned to the present. The rest are presumed to be deceased.
SOLUTION: Another strike team should be assembled from personnel with thaumatological capabilities, supported by a more robust team with mundane combat skills. This team should bring a standard cursebreaking
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: $XXXX

GRANT REQUEST #XXXXX
TO REMOTELY DISABLE THE TIME MACHINE GEORGE HUDSON HAS STOLEN
PROJECT LEAD	Curtis Stunk	DATE	10 MARCH 1993
PROBLEM: George Hudson, the creator of Daylight Savings Time, has overpowered the second team sent back to liquidate him and taken control of their time machine. The team is now trapped in the past, and Hudson is using the time machine to travel through the time-stream and encourage the adoption of Daylight Savings Time in a number of historical societies; if not stopped, he might create a new world order of DST.
SOLUTION: A tracking device that could locate the tachyon signature of Hudson's time machine should be created, and used to identify a point in history through which Hudson will have passed. A temporal-spatial anchoring grid3
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: $XXXX

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header 2 (timeline gets screwed section)

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GRANT REQUEST #0001
FOR STARTUP CAPITAL FOR THE FOUNDING OF PROMETHEUS LABS IN THE YEAR 1892
PROJECT LEAD	NAME	DATE	DD Month YYYY
PROBLEM: We are swiftly approaching the date of our corporation's founding, and the individuals who founded Prometheus Labs in the main timeline either do not exist or have never met each other. If this situation continues, it will lead to a serious paradox which could have far-reaching effects in both directions on the tau-axis.
SOLUTION: Funds in the form of gold or other precious metals should be sent back to the year of our founding, so that the Prometheus employees who have gathered hen4 can found Prometheus Labs and prevent the paradox.
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: £25,0005

GRANT REQUEST #XXXXX
FOR A SWORD SHARP ENOUGH TO CUT THE HUDSONIAN KNOT
PROJECT LEAD	name	DATE	DD Month YYYY
PROBLEM: In attempting to neutralize George Hudson a dense tangle of temporal jumps, causality chains, and cyclic time loops has emerged through the 20th century. Despite our efforts Hudson has used this to his advantage, using it to spread Daylight Savings Time across all nations. The interlocking nature of many of these chains prevents simple causality interruptions, as others will prevent interruptions from having any impact.
SOLUTION: Our metaphysics researchers have proposed the creation of a sword which can permanently disrupt any causality chain it is used against. The sword will be derived from recovered Erikeshan conceptual-engineering technology6, and should be wielded by one of our operatives during temporal excursions. Use will involve arriving at specific chains, physically damaging core components with the sword, or using the sword in manners which create entirely different chains of events. With sufficient effort all of George Hudson's timeline alterations can be undone.
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: $XXXX

(sections with paradoxes and broken causality wreaking havoc)

GRANT REQUEST #XXXXX
TO RETROACTIVELY CANCEL THE LAST GRANT REQUEST BEFORE I FADE OUT OF EXISTENCE
PROJECT LEAD	<ERROR: DATABASE CORRUPTED>	DATE	DD Month YYYY
PROBLEM: Whatever we just did stopped my parents from meeting. I am starting to fade out of photographs and my coworkers are forgetting my name. If I cease to exist, Prometheus Labs will lose a total of $3.4 million over the last seven years due to revenue from my projects, as well as whatever amount of future revenue I might generate for the company. Please. I have a family.
SOLUTION: Similar effects from temporal paradoxes have been well-documented, although all reports are biased toward successful interventions, as the unsuccessful interventions leave no trace of the original timeline7. Retroactively preventing the original time journey seems to be the most effective solution; I therefore propose a short hop backwards to prevent the previous grant request's acceptance, which should ensure that I continue to exist.
DENIED. REASON: NON-ISSUE.8

GRANT REQUEST #XXXXX
TO RETROACTIVELY HALT ALL TEMPORAL EXCURSIONS AIMED TO STOP GEORGE HUDSON
PROJECT LEAD	Hugh Mann	DATE	DD Month YYYY
PROBLEM: Our attempts to prevent the creation of Daylight Savings Time have clearly caused more problems than they have fixed. A number of other groups, including the Global Occult Coalition, the Foundation, and the Unusual Incidents Unit, have threatened us with severe penalties if we do not undo at least some of the effects of out meddling in the time stream.
SOLUTION: Use the previously developed temporal alteration technology to send a single message back to 10 March 1993, to deny GRANT REQUEST #1370 and thereby prevent the invention of said temporal alteration technology in the first place. This will reinstate the status quo, allowing us to recover the personnel and funding lost
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: UNLIMITED

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GRANT REQUEST #1370
TO DEVELOP TEMPORAL ALTERATION TECHNOLOGY FOR THE FORCIBLE EXCISION OF GEORGE HUDSON FROM THE PRIME TIMELINE
PROJECT LEAD	Curtis Stunk	DATE	10 MARCH 1993
PROBLEM: Daylight Savings Time causes untold losses in productivity each year. The synchronization of Prometheus Labs servers across the globe is a labor-intensive process, requiring time zones, the presence or lack of DST in countries, different day cycles in pocket dimensions, and altered flows of time in said dimensions, to all be taken into account9. This is a considerable issue in Three Portlands, where the different times at which the US and England begin DST consistently causes confusion among the populace and visiting individuals. Staff involved in these efforts have been directly impacted as well, in part from morale issues and facing the wrath of regional timekeeping deities, which demand that we abide by their time systems.
SOLUTION: We propose the creation of a temporal transportation mechanism ("time machine") that will be able to take a small team of operatives back to the year 1892, prior to entomologist George Hudson's proposal of Daylight Saving Time. This team would be equipped with sufficient funds and armaments to make their way to New Zealand and liquidate Hudson, thereby preventing the adoption of DST by any nation and resolving the aforementioned losses of productivity.
DENIED. REASON: WARNING FROM A DEAD TIMELINE.

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header 3 (after timeline revisions section)

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GRANT REQUEST #1371
TO FUND A CAMPAIGN FOR THE ABOLITION OF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME IN THE CITY OF THREE PORTLANDS
PROJECT LEAD	Hugh Mann	DATE	DD Month YYYY
PROBLEM: See GRANT REQUEST #1370; in addition, we have been informed that attempting to retroactively halt the original proliferation of DST is a very bad idea.
SOLUTION: We Fix
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: $XXXX

GRANT REQUEST #XXXXX
FOR WHATEVER
PROJECT LEAD	Hugh Mann	DATE	DD Month YYYY
PROBLEM: Bad shit
SOLUTION: We Fix
ACCEPTED. BUDGET: $XXXX

tags: tale prometheus-labs

I'd like to thank A Random Day for forgetting about Daylight Savings Time while starting up JamCon

Carlin, Logan, and Preston, "San Dimas Time: Parallel Time Flow across Temporal Gaps" Journal of Applied Tachyonics 6.9 (1989): 32-67.

5:24 PM <&ARD> I wish someone would go back in time and shoot George Hudson
5:28 PM <NineVolt> GRANT REQUEST TO DEVELOP TEMPORAL ALTERATION TECHNOLOGY FOR THE FORCIBLE EXCISION OF GEORGE HUDSON FROM THE PRIME TIMELINE
5:33 PM <NineVolt> (the request is actually just for a time machine and a gun)
5:35 PM <MaliceAF> GRANT REQUEST FOR SEVERAL FURTHER GUNS BECAUSE GEORGE HUDSON IS APPARENTLY FAR MORE PROFICIENT IN MARTIAL ARTS THAN WE INITIALLY ANTICIPATED
5:36 PM <NineVolt> GRANT REQUEST TO RETROACTIVELY DETONATE THE TIME MACHINE GEORGE HUDSON HAS STOLEN. HE CAN'T BE STOPPED.
5:36 PM <ch00bakka> GRANT REQUEST FOR A NEW TIME MACHINE BECAUSE GEORGE HUDSON STOLE OURS (retrieved from a safe deposit box at the Bank of England)

Footnotes

1. Fitzsimmons and Vieth, "Daylight Losses: the Economic Effects of DST Behind the Veil," Oikonume 5.14 (1986): 25-41.

2. This is a reminder to all Prometheus Labs employees that the Grant Request Form is only for serious project proposals. Request such as this should be addressed to the Facilities Department at your office.

3. Scranton and Lang, "Two Novel Applications of Reality-Anchor Technology," Esoteric Containment Quarterly 22.5 (1990): 102-133.

4. Sic. See Arvidsson and Ilyov, "Where, When, Here, Hen: Vocabulary for Time Travellers and the Universally Displaced," Journal of Paralinguistics 13.7 (1982): 49-59.

5. Equivalent to approximately $2,250,000 when adjusted for inflation.

6. d'Ivrea et al, "A Godkilling Apparatus from a First Occult War Battlefield," Anarchaeology 7.3 (1964): 107-146.

7. Brown and Tannen, "Paradox Lost: Breaking the Past to Fix the Present", Journal of Applied Tachyonics 1.21 (1985), 55-116.

8. The problem in question no longer exists.

9. Fitzsimmons and Vieth, "Daylight Losses: the Economic Effects of DST Behind the Veil," Oikonume 5.14 (1986): 25-41.