Writer-to-writer messages.
We can add messages here as we work, for the other to see later. Will be more convenient than constant WikiPMs or necessarily needing to meet up in chat to discuss ideas.
Just adding this layout bit on for now, but I should be able to fill in more of my thoughts and ideas for the article by tomorrow.
Added Black Highlighter theme.
Cool, looks nice. I jotted down quickly a few thoughts on the other tab. It's been a while since I really read SCP-106, so I'll be re-familiarizing myself with that and will prob add more later.
I've added recall protocol and special containment procedures. I'll give you the honours on doing the description. Please edit my Con-Procs if there's any grammatical errors.
Alright! I just spent, like, hours re-reading and critically analyzing SCP-106, lol! After doing a bunch of brainstorming and rehashing of stuff, I got a rough version of a Description to get us started. I feel like there's still a bit too much of the original work (phrasing and sentence structure kinda stuff) remaining in some spots, but we can work that out more as we go.
I will also add a few more ideas for bits that I thought of while working on this. Just some suggestions to put out there, for us to consider.
Sweet. I guess we could begin work on the Interview Log. I'm going to tweak the Con-Procs to match the description. I'm thinking that the interview could take place in the pocket dimension. I'm weak at dialogue, but I'm decent at describing things.
Okay yeah, giving 106-J a chance to speak should be a good way to stand apart from 106 with a whole original section. We should probably think about a couple jokes we can get out of that, and plot out a few rough beats for the characters to hit during the conversation. If you can put together a quick rough version, I should be able to revise any issues with dialogue and expand on it.
Okay, included a part of the interview. Currently brainstorming in my main page
I made a few smaller more edits on the (main) tab draft, and also put a revised version of the RECALL PROTOCOL on the following tab (we can change back some of the content/actions, but I think this one is better for, like, grammar/tone). Am also thinking of a possibly humorous way to play the Interview scene, please take a look at the Ideas & Notes tab here.
I forgot to put this in my initial message up there, but if at any time you have questions / comments / concerns about any creative decisions or anything to do with this project, please don't hesitate to let me know! We are partners on this.
Oh, sweet. I actually have a few ideas. I'll jot them down in the ideas and notes tab. But I wanted to mainly talk about is that I actually have trouble in making the interview log ( As I have previously mentioned, my dialogue is bad) and even if your helping me, I think that something else would be funnier. So I was thinking that in its place, we could put a recorded containment breaches log. Not only is it simple, it can be funny. Also during that bit, we could make 106-J like a raider, and include him swiping some ingredients before demanifesting.
Alright, that could work. Then again, keeping a -J short and punchy is usually more effective (unless there's a lot of rich material to work with). I think we're at ~700 words by now, which I feel like can be long enough for what this article is. Better to leave them wanting more, and all that jazz. And, if I recall correctly, lack of focus / cohesive direction was one of the issues raised in feedback on the original.. So, to the point, I think one option on the table for us at this stage is to just stop writing new bits and just focus on polishing up the content we have down now.
Ok sure. I'll just replace the recorded containment breaches with the images I plan on attaching into the document. But I think we should put something else other than form a paternal bond in the recall protocol. It will be a tad awkward to all of a sudden just say, "This may make the subject look up to 106-J as a fatherly figure". Not only is it sudden, we're making it seem as if the Foundation is fine with their staff to bond with their anomalies. The only way the paternal bond thing will work is if we make a super-loooong story and plot on how a researcher forms a bond with 106-J.
Nice pictures. (I found this one during research; maybe to make a joke about a vegan subject that got took to the cookout dimension (?)) I think we have a decent amount of gags and elements portraying 106-J like a stereotypical version of Dad characters in TV shows and whatnot, so it's not entirely without any buildup. Though perhaps we could make it clearer that "subjects may" means "this might happen to them" not "we permit them to do this". Hmm.. The original 106 uses [DATA EXPUNGED] as a device to say, like, "there's more, but it's too awful to print" at the end of a paragraph three times, including the very end. I feel like our first two uses of it are solid, but how to make a gag of it on the closing line, I'm not sure. We gotta have some kinda funny bit to close with though - the last gag before this part is "hunger-stimulating measures", which we'd have to play up a little more to make it into a closer joke.
For the next few days I won't really have access to a computer. Will still be able to use my phone to keep an eye on this page and make some edits, but won't be able to do any big writing revisions until after the weekend. I'm not sure about how much critique I feel like getting on this piece (too much meddling on a joke article can sometimes do more harm than help, like if the reviewer's sense of humour just doesn't match the kind in the piece). I might show it around IRC chat a little, just to get general opinions. But I feel like SPaG and balance of clinical tone are in good hands just with us checking ourselves. We do still have to do those thorough passes before this is really complete, but I feel like we can post this by some time within the next week. Let me know if that sounds okay to you.
Oh yeah, sure. Thanks for requesting for a collab in the first place. I can't wait to post it. I was thinking maybe I'll copy-paste post it and give you credit in the discussions once we're done. I'm probably gonna do some extra editing too.
Heh, understandable. But don't jump the gun, this isn't ready yet. We'll need to arrange a date/time we're both available, before posting. You can create the page, if you like; but I want to be online to get in a co-author post at the top of the discussion once it goes up.
Oh, heh, sorry. What time do you think you could make it? If you tell me first, then I'll try finding a suitable time matching with mine.
I've read your self crit, thanks for that. Erased the addon bits in the main article. Also, in my opinion, the third image in SCP-106 is what I'm assuming is the expunged data on the article. I was thinking we could do something similar, as the data expunged in our recall protocol is supposed to be the second image (See images tab).
Ok sure. Maybe we can make it so the reader can click DATA EXPUNGED and see the picture, or something like that? Tuesday night will be my earliest opportunity to thoroughly ensure the content of our final product is polished and fit to post. I'll basically be available from 10 PM to 12 noon (Eastern Time) then and in the days after that. So perhaps on Wednesday or Thursday, either late night or in the morning, is when I would like us to post this. Until then, if you could adjust the formatting on our draft here - take it out of tabview, put the pictures in their places and all that - that would be great for now.
Oh, ok. I just checked on Google, and in my country, the time your available is 10am-12-am. I don't think I can make it if you request for me to post at 10pm or 12pm sharp. Maybe you could post it, credit me, and I quickly post something in the discussion thread?
Ah, so your timezone is, like, China/Philippines. Okay, so it will be Thursday afternoon on your end, most likely - we can do it any time within that window. Do you use the IRC chat at all? If you can at least drop into #site17 around that time, I lurk there; so you could PM me and we'll be able to coordinate the last minute details before posting. (Also trying punch up jokes for the picture captions a little, let me know what you think?)
I don't use the IRC chat, sorry. Also about your punch up jokes. The second image is gold.
Awesome! Ok yeah, this is really coming together now. So ok, I suggested using #site17 because you won't have to register a nick and all that, just go here and look for BoogeyMan23 on the sidelist. I'm almost tempted to post this a bit sooner than planned now, just one more bit I'm a little unsure of (see next tab)… Oh, and if we want that watermelon picture - I have the phrasing for a caption: "One of the last images recorded by Agent Seaman (a proud and outspoken vegan) before he was ejected from the cookout dimension." If you think that's a worthwhile joke to add, could you slot it in (prob somewhere mid-artivle) when you have a chance? Thanks.
I don't think we need that joke. But, can you tell me why the font looks, different?
Does the font look different somewhere? Like different from the rest? Anyhow.. let's leave out the watermelon pictures, drop the extra paragraph entirely, and then I think this is just about set to post! Please, let me know when you are able to create the page on main for us. I am now eager to have this posted soon.
Are you sure you wanna coldpost? If yes, I could post it now.
Honestly, yes. I suppose I don't know if this will stick or not - but what we have here now, I truly feel, is the best version of this joke we can tell. I will be elated if it succeeds, but if not.. I'll be satisfied knowing we took our very best shot at this premise.
Please, put it up for us.
Done. Posted at 11:43 am.
To lay out ideas, working details, and other stuff.
1. 106-J's cookout dimension could probably be something bigger than just a giant grill. (Goji7)
- Parody of SCP-106
- I think structurally we can follow a lot of the same beats as original 106.
- Still rewrite most of the text, unless cribbing a few recognizable lines.
- Play up a handful of the fandom's old running jokes about SCP-106.
- The Old Man
- Barbecue Sauce Man
- Radical Larry
- Pocket Dimension
- Femur Breaker (?)
- etc.
- Grilling Jokes
- Subvert a generally scary / malevolent SCP by making him friendly (?)
- The Old Man is actually just like a boomer dad -kinda old man; "I just want to grill for god's sake!" (?)
- Pocket dimension is just a backyard patio cookout; 106-J serving hotdogs and hamburgers for hours before releasing the captured subjects.
- Also write article well / to modern standards enough that everyone likes it.
Will think / expand on these more. (B-Man23)
Cool. I was thinking maybe we could add an exploration/interview log where two agents are brought to the pocket dimension in two scenarios.
*106-J kidnaps them
* They willingly enter the pocket dimension to interview him (Goji7)
A couple thoughts for the Recall Protocol section.
We could replace 'The Femur Breaker' with 'The Beef Shank Tenderizer' (the shank is the cut of meat that comes from the leg).
I like the 'talk about how hungry they are' bit; I was also thinking something like 'the sound emitted by said subject's rumbly tummy will be transmitted over the Site P.A. system.'
Also, instead of inflicting more trauma on the subject like in original 106: "The lure subject should be exposed to visual and/or olfactory stimuli from delicious food in order to make them hungrier."
For the Conprocs, what if we made the chamber into just, like, a "man cave" room for 106-J to watch sports on tv or something? Like, change the electromagnets stuff into "Chamber is to remain supplied with no less than a 160 cm flatscreen television, with 'deluxe sports package' from the Site's local cable provider." - or something like that?
Also, I was thinking it might be amusing if we avoid the actual words "barbecue sauce" in the main documentation (I think I got around it in the Description). Maybe we could change the riff on "If corrosion is observed" bit from 106 into, like: "If classic rock music is heard anywhere in the facility" or something? Get in one more gag on that 'old man' angle.
Just putting those ideas out there; feel free to let me know what you think of any of them. (B-Man23)
The Interview.
I am beginning to reconsider whether we should really go ahead with trying to include an interview or not. Unless it has enough funny bits in it, it may just slow the article down or make it longer than necessary. However, I do have a possible idea for one way to approach it.
Don't worry about writing it so detailed and complete at this stage - just plot out some basic beats for the scene to follow. If the idea here is that the Foundation is intentionally sending a D-Class inside for the purpose of an interview, then for now I'd like you to come up with a handful of the questions that researchers would give him to ask. I'll put more into 106-J's responses and the segues in the conversation.
What I'm thinking is that 106-J will basically answer none of these questions though, and just deflect them in ways we can make more jokes from.(B-Man23)
1. Our recall protocols should be mixed together. I'll do it.
2. For the containment breaches log, maybe we could make like, 5 or 6? So I'll do 3 and you do 3. We could do more if you like.
Alright. I don't want to come off as bossy or overbearing, but we have to be sure we're on the same page here with what this is and with changes or adjustments we're making in these final stages. Some of these are just possible suggestions, some I'm a bit more insistent on. If any of my reasoning seems off here, or you think differently on any of these points, let me know.
Object Class: Keter-Coquam
I think we can drop the footnote here. People can look it up if they care to; explaining the joke kills it a bit, in my opinion.
… flooding the entire assembly with no less than the greatest hits of rock and jazz bands from the '60s, '70s, and '80s.
I wanted this bit to specifically be evocative of "dad rock" kind of songs/bands, to play up the grilling dad angle of the premise. The trait of being a jazz lover typically identifies a different type of stock character to this. Including it here feels disparate, and the two styles don't really blend evocatively in a singular characterization.
Maybe I'm biased or relying too much on personal/anecdotal experience. Does your dad, or anyone else you know, listen to jazz?
When within the cookout dimension, SCP-106-J is able to communicate in fluent English.
If we aren't going to do the Interview, maybe we don't need him to talk then?
RECALL PROTOCOL
This version is too similar to original 106 - too much of the wording is the same, and only in ways that preserve awkward sentences or information that isn't necessary / relevant given the changes to the anomaly. The only instances of that we should want should be directly in service of a punchline or gag.
Overall, I really don't want us to play ourselves by, like, trying too hard on what should be a short and simple joke. This premise doesn't require an epic word count to get across, and it also isn't deep enough to support an epic word count.
I would suggest we trim this back down to where it was at a bit ago. I really took the whole Description and Addenda on original 106 into account in my conversion to our 106-J baseline, and made sure the essential details and best material for jokes made it in. I suggested in the beginning we could roughly follow the structure and crib some recognizable lines, in the spirit of being a parody. But we can not copy the whole thing step-for-step while changing only a fraction of the words, that will be a bad look.
I hope none of this feels too harsh. I just really want our article to be good and as successful as possible. (B-Man23)
Majority of test subjects… placed on my tongue.
This paragraph. While I don't think it's a bad joke in itself (including the footnotes gag), it feels maybe a little out of place here. If I were you, I'd hold onto that bit for a SCP or article that has more meta vibes, maybe - where fourth wall leaning might be a better fit. But for now to pull it out of this one. (B-Man23)
…
Per 
Boogey_Man23
