Well, Fuck. [Joke SCP] [NSFW]

Item #: SCP-2481-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures:

Description: SCP-2481-J is an auditory memetic agent that causes individuals who perceive it to become violently opposed to the concept and action of sexual intercourse, for either the purposes of reproduction or pleasure. Exposure to SCP-2481-J has led to subjects vandalizing or destroying items or locations which are associated with sexual education, undergoing sterilization procedures, carrying out sterilization procedures on other individuals, and

SCP-2481-J has been transmitted to over eighty countries, including the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, India, Egypt, Japan, Spain, and South Korea. SCP-2481-J appears to be embedded in the soundtracks of amateur pornographic videos; it is unknown if the individuals within these videos are affected by SCP-2481-J. No connection between individuals whose videos use SCP-2481-J has been found, outside of videos appearing on the same websites.

No counteragent has been found for SCP-2481-J. At its current rate of spread, it is expected to cause the extinction of humanity within sixty years.

Addendum: While on vacation in New York City, Agent Mayhew discovered a head and sex shop named "Six-Nine Head" in Brooklyn. Mayhew immediately notified local Foundation sites, who initiated a lockdown of New York. Over three-hundred troops with specialized memetic training were mobilized, and were stationed outside of Six-Nine Head for over three days, as the owner was listed as being "In Thailand" by a sign on the door.

The owner, Neil Marcus, was apprehended after disembarking from an airplane at John F. Kennedy International Airport and taken into Foundation custody, after agents planted over sixty kilograms of marijuana within his luggage.

Marcus was subjected to interrogation after three days of internment:

Mayhew: You sick son of a bitch.

Marcus: Fuck, man, what the hell did I do?

Mayhew: What did you do? You rendered over three-thousand people so hateful of sex that one of them set fire to the entire erotica section at a bookstore in Japan. You made people smash the server of an entire porn site. You made people castr—

Marcus: Wait, is this about the music? It works fine when it's—

Marcus stops.

Marcus: People have been using it in videos, haven't they?

Mayhew: Of course they have!

Marcus: Look, I got the music from a friend of mine, works with some weird art group. He told me it only works on analog speakers— like, 1995 or earlier. Playing it on a modern system does weird shit, but there's a way to undo it.

Mayhew: What is it?

Marcus: On my laptop— password is "headcase", all caps, with a "4" replacing the "A"— there's an audio file, "undothisshit.mp4". It should undo the mental damage.

Mayhew: Wait. Here.

Mayhew exits the interrogation room. Within five hours, Marcus's claim is verified, and over three-hundred individuals are cured of SCP-2481-J infection.

Mayhew: All right, what the hell.

Marcus: You said it makes people hate sex, right? Dude, I run a fucking sex shop! That would be like if a McDonalds broadcast music that made people vegans! I'm not anti-sex!

Mayhew: What was it meant to do?

Marcus: It's meant to make people not achieve orgasm as long as it's playing.

Mayhew: What.

Marcus: I'm not anti-sex. I'm anti-climax.

At this point, Mayhew leaves the interview room. They exit the site to have a cigarette, let out a scream of frustration, and attempt to walk into the Hudson River.