Team Mop Science (Mother Knows Best)

A photo of SCP-XXXX-1, presumably taken before stopping John Wilkes Boothe from assassinating President Lincoln.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter Thaumiel

Special Containment Procedures: A file containing a comprehensive history of the entire human race is to being written in 10 languages and is to be stored within a secure Foundation server resistant to temporal effects. The file is to be parsed daily for inconsistencies by a specially programmed AI.

In the event that a discrepancy is found, Mobile Task Force Alpha-3 "Clockstoppers" is to utilize SCP-████ to travel to the time affected by SCP-XXXX and correct the course of events affected by SCP-XXXX-1. The Temporal Anomalies Department is currently researching effective methods of containing SCP-XXXX-1.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a phenomenon wherein a historical event will be altered, often to avoid depictions of death, violence, sex, and foul language. Once SCP-XXXX alters an event, further events will change in accordance with the alteration, creating an alternate timeline.

SCP-XXXX-1 is a human female by the name of █████ ███████ and is the cause of SCP-XXXX events. SCP-XXXX-1 alters the outcome of historical events in various wa

Open Addendum-XXXX-1 [LEVEL 3 CLEARANCE REQUIRED]

Addendum-XXXX-1: The following is a list of events changed by SCP-XXXX-1.

Location: Dallas, Texas
Date: November 22, 1963
Original Event: John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald.
Alterations: Former for President of the United States John F. Kennedy scheduled a political rally in various cities within Texas, including Dallas. Kennedy was sat in a convertible traveling down Main Street. A man, later identified as Lee Harvey Oswald ran to the convertible, hitting Kennedy in the face with a water balloon. Kennedy laughed with Oswald, before continuing down Main Street. Shortly after the event, Oswald was interviewed by Foundation personnel. Oswald revealed he had plans to terminate Kennedy but was convinced otherwise by "a close friend". It is assumed this refers to SCP-XXXX-1.
Outcome: Due to Kennedy's relationship with the United States Congress, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 would pass in 1975, as well as the Voting Rights Act and Title IX. The United States of American also refrains from involvement in the Vietnam War, never sending American soilders for active combat. Kennedy dies in 2007 at 90 due to cancer.

Location: Weehawken, New Jersey
Date: July 11, 1804
Original Event: Alexander Hamilton was shot in a pistol duel by Aaron Burr.
Alterations: Former United States Vice President, Aaron Burr and former United States Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton meet in Weehawken to partake in a duel. The men accompanying Hamilton and Burr face away from the two, as standard practice in duels. Hamilton and Burr proceed to play a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors for 3 rounds. Burr wins the first 2 rounds and is declared the winner. The men accompanying Hamilton and Burr turn to face them. Both parties return to Manhattan, New York without further incident. It was later revealed SCP-XXXX-1 was one of the individuals accompanying Burr.
Outcome: Aaron Burr's status as Vice President is revoked. Elizabeth Hamilton divorces Alexander in 1808. Alexander commits suicide in 1810 at 55.

Location: Clear Lake, Iowa
Date: February 3, 1959
Original Event: A plane crashed near Clear Lake, killing the American musicians Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and J.P. Richardson, as well as the pilot.
Alterations: The plane crash occurred as normal. However, all individuals inside the plane survived. Local authorities arrived shortly after the crash. All individuals were later found to have a minor wrist injury on their right arms. Holly, Valens, and Richardson were unable to work for the proceeding week, but made a full recovery.
Outcome: Don McLean, writer of the song "American Pie" based on this event, remained in relative obscurity for the entirety of his music career.

Location: No defined location.
Date: 224 BC-Present day.
Original Event: 224 BC marks the first documented case of the bubonic plague. Symptoms of the disease include the development of swollen lymph nodes in the groin, armpit or neck areas. Other symptoms include fevers, chills, headaches, fatigue and muscle aches.
Alterations: Symptoms of the bubonic plague now include the manifestation of common daisies (Bellis perennis) in mouth, eyes, nostrils, and ears. Infected subjects report no pain due to this and no deaths have been attributed to this illness. However, manifested daisies may impair hearing, eyesight or speech.
Outcome: Due to the rapidly rising population of Europe, multiple famines occur during this time. Technological and social progress is held back for approximately 200 years due to this. Radical changes to the European and Asian political landscape are recorded.

Location: Washington DC, United States of America
Date: 1995-1997
Original Event: Former United States President William Clinton and White House intern Monica Lewinsky had multiple sexual encounters.
Alterations: Both Clinton and Lewinsky reported having had several tea parties within Clinton's office. Many White House staff confirmed these reports. It is believed SCP-XXXX-1 was a part of White House staff at this time and was reported providing tea bags and cookies to Clinton and Lewinsky.
Outcome: Following this alteration, Al Gore is elected president due to William Clinton's support.
Notes: William Clinton's wife, Hillary Clinton, was reported as being "somewhat confused and upset" with Bill's actions.

Location: No Defined Location
Date: October 29, 2004
Original Event: The R-rated horror film "Saw" was released to theaters.
Alterations: The G-rated children's film "Jigsaw and The One Bajillion Piece Puzzle" was released to theaters. The plot consists of the main character Jigsaw, a clown obsessed with puzzles and logic problems, traveling to obtain a puzzle set with an infinite number of pieces. The film presents the Jigsaw with various logic problems and encourages the audience to participate. SCP-XXXX-1 is credited as the executive producer of this film.
Outcome: No sequels were made following this film. The producers of this film "Twisted Pictures" went bankrupt shortly after this film's release.

Open Incident-XXXX [LEVEL 3 CLEARANCE REQUIRED]

Incident-XXXX: On 12/10/20██, SCP-XXXX-1 manifested in the barracks of Mobile Task Force Alpha-3 "Clockstoppers". Agents Hawke, Val, and Hightower were present to witness the manifestation. The following is a transcript of security footage taken at the time of the incident.

<Begin Log>

Hightower: So, Doc was thinking that the lady we keep killing, XXXX-1, was immortal. But I told him that we've killed her damn near a hundred times. I swear, these guys can be real shitheads sometimes.

[SCP-XXXX-1 manifests nearby.]

SCP-XXXX-1: Watch your language young man.

Hightower: Sorry.

Hawke: Wait, what the actual heck? Wait, what the frick? Wha- Why aren't I swearing!

SCP-XXXX-1: Like I said, watch your language. Children might be watching this.

[SCP-XXXX-1 motions towards the security camera.]

Val: Guys, I think this might be a Type Green.

Hightower: Val, Hawke, go get the "torches" while I interview her. Come in on my signal.

Hawke: Understood. Holler if you need us.

[Agent Val and Agent Hawke leave.]

Hightower: Ma'am, would you mind explaining why you're here?

SCP-XXXX-1: To keep you sailors from swearing up a storm. And to give you all a good talking to about manners. It's rude to repeatedly murder a woman. Or anyone for that matter. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!

Hightower: Wait, you know about Alpha-3?

SCP-XXXX-1: How would I not know about the men who repeatedly assassinate me?

Hightower: Wait, if you know that we exist, why haven't you-

SCP-XXXX-1: That wouldn't be suitable for children, young man.

Hightower: Ok, one thing at a time. How old are you?

SCP-XXXX-1: Rude!

Hightower: Fine. Do you have children?

SCP-XXXX-1: Yes.

Hightower: How old are they?

SCP-XXXX-1: Time is relative dear.

Hightower: Well, have you ever stopped to realize they will be exposed to the horrors of reality eventually? You can't shelter them forever.

SCP-XXXX-1: Hightower, you have children too. You know what it feels like to want to take care of them and shelter them. That's why you've taken this job, however misguided it may be. I am simply trying to make the world safer for them.

Hightower: In saving John F. Kennedy, you stunted the growth of the Civil Rights movement. And in averting the bubonic plague, you also killed millions due to famine, held back technological progress for 200 years and changed the very landscape of Europe and Asia. Does that at all seem problematic?

SCP-XXXX-1: I'll simply fix those events!

Hightower: What then? How are you going to fix the outcomes of those events?

SCP-XXXX-1: I won't stop until history is suitable for my children, as well as yours! I'm doing us all a favor!

Hightower: With all your warping around and messing with reality, might I ask how much time you spend with your kids? How do they see you? Do they even know what you're doing?

[SCP-XXXX-1 does not respond.]

Hightower: Ma'am, please answer the quest-

[SCP-XXXX-1 quickly stands, striking Agent Hightower in the head.]

SCP-XXXX-1: Do not compare yourself to me! I love my children! You kill people! You don't love them like I do!

Hightower: Val! Hawke!

[Video is interrupted for approximately 3 seconds. When video is reestablished, Agent Hightower is nowhere to be seen. SCP-XXXX-1 is in tears. Agent Hawke and Agent Val reenter the barracks, now armed.]

Val: Hightower? Where the heck are you?

Hawke: Val, just fire already!

[Agent Val and Agent Hawke fire at SCP-XXXX-1. All bullets fired are revealed to be foam darts, causing no damage to SCP-XXXX-1.]

Val: Gosh darn it! Sound a containment bre-

SCP-XXXX-1: Both of you! Gone! Now!

Hawke: What the fri-

[Agent Hawke screams as video is interrupted for approximately 17 seconds. When video is reestablished, Agent Val, Agent Hawke and SCP-XXXX-1 cannot be seen.]

<End Log>

Closing Statement: Agent Hightower, Agent Val and Agent Hawke contacted other members of Alpha-3 via radio, reporting being transported to their respective hometowns. All agents were relocated to Site-██ without incident.