Just gonna throw this up here for reference, and in case the original gets downvoted into oblivion before we finish. - Attila
Item #: SCP-4412
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4412 is to be stored in a standard anomalous item containment unit located in Site-76. Further testing with SCP-4412 has been prohibited indefinitely (See Addendum 2 and 3).
Description: SCP-4412 is a purple luggage bag. The zipper will inevitably get stuck, making an opening just large enough for an adult hand to fit. When a subject sticks their hand in the bag, they will pull out 1-2 items. When interviewed, subjects have invariably expressed that the items they removed represent alternate ideal outcomes to events in their past.
SCP-4412 is a large gift bag patterned pink with yellow spots, with green tissue paper filling the bag. When the tissue paper inside the bag is removed, two wrapped gift boxes of different sizes can be seen inside it [as long as none of them are removed]. When interviewed, subjects have invariably expressed that the items they removed represent alternate ideal outcomes to events in their past.
Addendum 1: Test Log
| Subject |
Item Received |
Significance |
Notes |
| Dr. Diamond |
A copy of SCP-████’s document. Changes in the containment procedures and complete absence of an incident report was noted.
|
Dr. Diamond had been assigned head researcher of SCP-████. After incident ████-A, Dr. Diamond received a facial wound and hypercarbonaemia. |
You mean there’s a way this bloody spider web of scars could have been prevented? - Dr. Diamond. |
| D-55431 |
A recent photograph of D-55431 and an unidentified middle-aged woman.
|
D-55431 has not seen his mother since early childhood. |
N/A |
| Researcher Gates |
A cellphone reported identical in the model to the one Researcher Gates had when ██ years old. The phone was opened up to a text message conversation dated to 7/19/2001, 7:09 pm with the recipient listed as “Laura Gates”. Contents of the conversation were not of significance.
|
Specifics unstated by Researcher Gates. Researcher Gates confirms that this marks a life-changing mistake from his life. |
N/A |
Addendum 2-1: Interview Log 1
Foreword: The following interview was conducted due to Researcher Gates’ notably increased stress after exposure to SCP-4412.
Interviewed: Researcher Gates
Interviewer: Dr. Hart
<Begin Log, 16/4/2019>
Dr. Hart: Good afternoon, Researcher Gates. I will be asking you some questions regarding your exposure to SCP-4412.
Researcher Gates: C’ mon, Kenny. Don’t be all formal. We’re friends.
Dr. Hart: How long ago was the event that SCP-4412 referenced?
Reacher Gates: Why does that matter?
Dr. Hart: I know you don’t like interviews, but I need to do this.
Researcher Gates pauses for ten seconds. A sigh follows.
Researcher Gates: About, eh let’s see.
Ten seconds pass.
Dr. Hart: Kevin?
Researcher Gates: Some years ago.
Dr. Hart: How many years would that be?
Researcher Gates: Years ago.
Dr. Hart: Kevin, it’s okay. You can tell me.
Researcher Gates: Eighteen years.
Dr. Hart: That… That would mark how many years you have been working for the Foundation; would it not?
Researcher Gates glances to the side. Researcher Gates begins to tap his leg up and down repetitively.
Dr. Hart: Well? Really, it’s okay.
Researcher Gates hesitantly nods.
Dr. Hart: Would this mean that the event referenced was related to your entrance into the Foundation?
Researcher Gates: Not… exactly. Kind of.
Dr. Hart: Could you explain what you mean?
Researcher Gates does not respond.
Dr. Hart: Kevin, I know your stressed. But, you can talk to me.
Researcher Gates: I… Yeah. Yeah, I know. It’s just…. hard.
Dr. Hart: I know. But we’ll get through it.
Researcher Gates: Yo— Yeah.
<End Log>
Following the interview, Researcher Gates was ordered to report to weekly psychological testing conducted by Dr. Hart.
Addendum 2-2: Interview Log 2
Foreword: The following is a transcript from a counseling session between Researcher Gates and Dr. Hart from 16/4/2019.
<Begin Log, 28/4/2019>
Dr. Hart: Kevin, your inability to focus in recent days has come to my attention. This is worrying to me as your psychologist, and friend.
Researcher Gates: I wouldn’t call it inability. I’m just a little distracted. Pissed me off when Agent Parks nagged on me the other day.
Dr. Hart: Kevin, you look exhausted. You don’t have to lie to me. Why are you so tired?
Researcher Gates begins to tap his leg vigorously.
Researcher Gates: Eh, you know. Fucking SCP testing.
Dr. Hart: It was SCP-4412, wasn’t it? Your encounter with SCP-4412. Stop lying to me. What did it show you? You never told me in the interview.
Researcher Gates squints his eyes shut. He begins to slowly rock back and forth in his seat.
Researcher Gates: Yeah… that mother fucker…
Dr. Hart: Kevin, you can share what happened. I’m not going to judge you, we’re friends.
Researcher Gates chuckles, softly sighing as he opens his eyes.
Researcher Gates: I see why Agent Parker was concerned. Anyway.
Dr. Hart raises an eyebrow.
Researcher Gates gives a shaky sigh. Researcher Gates stares down at the table, remaining silent for a minute.
Researcher Gates: So, my sister. Sweet gal. She was studying to be an anesthesiologist. Me and her were very close. But one fucked up day led me to… to uh… make some terrible decisions.
Dr. Hart: What were those decisions?
Researcher Gates shrugs. He stays silent for a minute and a half.
Dr. Hart: Go on. It’s alright.
Researcher Gates: You see, um…… my… boyfriend at the time. He dumped me—for reasons I don’t wanna mess with. I didn’t take it well.
A minute passes.
Researcher Gates: I hit the closest bar. My sister needed a ride home from her friends’ and like a fuckin’ idiot, I told her I’d do it, leaving out the fact I was… incredibly drunk. So, you can piece together what happened.
Researcher Gates takes a deep breath.
Researcher Gates: Now…. she’s dead.
Dr. Hart: Kevin I… I’m so sorry. That’s rough.
Researcher Gates: [Mumbles] Yeah.
Dr. Hart: Kevin, while we’re here, knowing you’d rather not think about this for long, how uh… did the SCP remind you of the event? How did this event connect to your entrance with the Foundation? I don’t want to keep you on this.
Researcher Gates takes a deep breath.
Researcher Gates: Do we really need to keep talking about this? I'm not — I think we've learned enough for today, haven't we?
Dr. Hart: There are still questions left unanswered. I know you’re stressed out. It’s going to be alright, though. I promise. Just keep going.
Researcher Gates: Kenny, please. I know you’re trying to help me, but I’d be better off being left alone.
Dr. Hart: Kevin, I won’t make you talk of the details after this. It’s gonna be okay, you can talk to me.
Researcher Gates stays silent for one minute.
Researcher Gates: The… the SCP showed me a text conversation with a date marked after the date of her death. Told me all I needed to know. Some version of myself apparently knows how to handle his emotions properly. Not this one! This one… took the irresponsible route… This one—
Researcher Gates stays silent for a minute and a half.
Researcher Gates: My entry to the Foundation. Well… I was uh… employed at the NSF at the time of…. [pauses] this… that. The event.
Researcher Gates stands up from his seat.
Researcher Gates: Now we’ve learned enough. I’m-
Dr. Hart: Kevin.
Researcher Gates sighs, sitting back down.
Researcher Gates: When I was charged with DUI and Manslaughter for crushing my poor sis under a giant metal vehicle, the Foundation apparently couldn’t let my skill go to waste for such a simple charge. They’d apparently had their eye out for me, and this was the perfect time to get me. God…
Dr. Hart: Losing a loved one is hard. That must have been very tough to go through.
Researcher Gates begins to cry softly.
Researcher Gates: I always wondered how… how I coulda changed things. Now I know. I almost can’t bear it. I just—This object… it taunts the user. No… this object taunts me. It found me on purpose…
Researcher Gates rocks back and forth in his seat a few times.
Dr. Hart: Kevin, Do not be too hard on yourself. SCP-4412 was tested with other subjects as well. It is not targeting you.
Researcher Gates: You don’t get it, Ken. Yes, it is.
<End Log>
Researcher Gates refused to go into further detail, drawing the session to a close.
Addendum 3: Interview Log 3
Foreword: The following is a transcript of a meeting held between Dr. Hart and Researcher Gates on 5/5/2019.
<Begin Log>
Dr. Hart: Kevin, there’s something that needs to be discussed.
Researcher Gates doesn’t look up from the floor.
Dr. Hart: This is hard for me to say. We’ve been friends for a while and have worked together for years. But you’ve been failing to keep up to standard. As an executive decision… you’ve been let go from the foundation…
Researcher Gates: [laughs] Damn fuck. Shoulda fuckin guessed this!
Dr. Hart: Calm down, it’s-
Researcher Gates: Don’t come at me with that shit. I shoulda known!
Researcher Gates begins to cry heavily.
Dr. Hart: Things will work out.
Researcher Gates: I’ve got nothin ggoing for me! Parents dead! No friends, no job! Sewer rats got it better!
Dr. Hart: Kevin-
Researcher Gates: And wanna know the real fucked up thing? Mom always wrapped me and my dad’s gifts in blue paper, and my sister’s in pink and yellow! One year, mom accidentally gave me the yellow and pink paper! Almost had a heart attack when I saw SCP-XXXX! Laura died for fuckin nothing!
Dr. Hart: Kevin I… I’m sorry. It wasn’t my decision alone. I wish things could have worked differently. I really do…
Researcher Gates: Go-gonna fucking… damnit…
<End Log>
Researcher Gates refused to speak any further, drawing the session to a close.
Attila: I'll work on the conprocs and description like I said. I might change some of the mechanics as well, but nothing that would affect the story. "Luggage bag" is rather vague, do you mind if I change it to a carpet bag? You might also want to find a picture you like; it doesn't really affect much, but it does help give the reader a mental image, and I think it might be fun to include.
Mew-ltiverse: You can find a picture! Also, keep it as what the alternate description is, cause that was the original. I’ll provide feedback based on your changes!
Attila: Okay, posted what I have for the conprocs and description. Changed the mechanics a little, but it shouldn't change the story very much. I do like the idea of it being luggage more than the gift bag; the gift bag didn't seem to have much importance other than targeting the one guy for some reason (which didn't make much sense since it affected everyone), while a carpet bag does somewhat: it's "emotional baggage". Sure, it's a little corny, but I like it.
I don't think the "truth best left unsaid" angle makes much sense, to be honest. The bag isn't telling them anything they didn't already know, or at least suspect. When I read this, I think of the endless, gnawing doubt that your decisions were never good enough, the guilt that maybe you could have done something to prevent what happened, rather than accepting that what's past is passed and moving on. That seems to be what these characters are experiencing, so I think that would be a good direction to take this in.
Mew-ltiverse: Actually, I made it target it him. In the very first concept, it was a gift bag. But, I can stay a carpet bag; I like what you did with it. And I like that new angle. It especially fits for the narrative angle regarding Gates, as that day changes his life, and if he could do it over, he would. I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m just doing nothing, aha. Throw out some ideas, and I’ll comment on them.
With the table my only suggestion is that Dr. Diamond’s situation is kept in; I like it, plus I’m planning on later actually writing the SCP that affected him when I get better at writing.
Attila: Okay, I'll keep Diamond in if you plan on using them later. Does he/she have a first name? Doesn't really matter much, but omitting first names in documentation is a pet peeve of mine. Also, what exactly was the skip that breached? I'm trying to keep it so that the items manifested make their meaning very clear to the subject, but to the casual observer seems insignificant enough that it looks like the subject is letting their self-doubt get the better of them.
Table is up, feel free to look it over and make any changes you want. Interviews are next. This is definitely a place you could help, since I'm admittedly not great at writing emotion. The big things I'm planning for those is to a) make them much shorter, condensing it to one interview instead of three, and b) cutting the termination subplot, since it doesn't really add anything. We're going to end up cutting a lot here, so were there any lines or anything you are set on keeping?
Mew-ltiverse: Dr. Diamond’s first name is Stanley. I didn’t really omit it per say as much as I did not include it. And, this SCP is basically a sentient group of rocks that create small crystal sapient animals. The chemical composition of each is different. How exactly this thing can breach is that the creatures aren’t destroyed after creation. They get hostile after too long, realizing that they shouldn’t exist in the form they do. (It’s a rough draft)
Making the interviews shorter is fine! Also, the termination subplot was a big thing, as it really showed how bad Gates fucked up. But, we can cut it if you really need. There is a line where after Hart comforts him, Gates goes “I see why Agent Parker was concerned” I wanna keep that. My suggestion for the interviews is basically write based on what I have, and I’ll tweak it accordingly cause I’m better at editing for some reason.
Attila: Okay, that should be it for the rough draft. Let me know if you change anything, and then we can get some crit on it.
I kept the "Agent Parker" thing, even if I admittedly don't really understand what it's supposed to be. I also made some other small changes:
- It's all one interview now.
- I named his sister Diana. You can change it to whatever you want if that's important to you, it only appears in one line. I just thought it was weird that he never mentioned her name.
- I changed the gap in time from 18 years to 5 years. As it was, Gates would have to be at least in his 40s, and I don't see a man that old just shattering like that unless he had some pre-existing issues.
- I did keep the fired thing, but I put it towards the beginning instead of the end.
Mew-ltiverse: I actually did name his sister, her name was Laura, but Diana can stay. It’s kinda funny you chose that because my sister goes by Diana on here.
Comments on the changes: I love it. I absolutely love what you did. There were parts that had me gasping. I like how you simplified it to “relationship troubles”. Gates doesn’t quite like mentioning that he’s gay, honestly I should have thought to use similar phrasing. And the thing with “seeing why Agent Parker is concerned” is this: Parker is an asshole who kept teasing Gates about being gay until he snapped and admitted it, shocking Parker, who then correctly guessed that he had a thing for Hart. It’s never mentioned in the skip, just a behind the scenes sorta thing.
We can ask Ayers and anyone else you want to give it a look!
Oh, and it needs a name change. Something relating to regret. I’ll think of something, as I love doing the naming.
Attila: Glad to hear it! I created a Feedback tab so we can keep track of what feedback we get and try to pick up on consistent patterns. Also, when we finally decide to post it, you may want to delete the old one and then post the new one. This will reset the votes, and help people see it again.
I'm terrible at naming, so you definitely should handle that. I don't think I have a single article I'm happy with the name for!
Mew-ltiverse: I was thinking the same thing for the deletion! Thing is, I’m not sure how to delete articles, aaaa. Everything else sounds good! I’ll get back to you when I get a good name, haha.
Never mind, now I know how!
So I asked McB and Ayers, and I’m doing a review exchange with RadioactiveRADS. Also for the name I’m thinking “Reset” or “Redo”.
I am not thinking McB is gonna get to it. So, some decisions to make. Either wait for Ayers, gets some more people to view it instead, or post it tonight if you think it’s ready. We’ve got some good people saying they’d upvote it. If you don’t think it’s ready, we can still wait to post it.
Attila: Definitely PM Ayers. Getting other people would be good too. We only have a sample size of 3 so far, and Ihp is really the only one I've ever seen around. I'm pretty certain this would do okay if we put it up now, but I'd rather polish it as much as we can first.
Also - and I realize this is a touchy subject - would it be possible to remove the pride flag? I'm not judging anyone for their life choices or anything, but I have a personal religious conviction about this sort of thing, so I'd rather not have it on a page I helped write.
Mew-ltiverse: I’ve pmed Ayers already, just waiting for a reply. :)
Also I removed it for now, but it’s kinda an important thing of the story that Gates is gay. Though, he doesn’t like mentioning it, so it’s fine it’s not in the story. I’m definitely not judging you, as I have a friend who’s also got a religious conviction against it. I hope this doesn’t change anything in our partnership (I’m A. A girl and B. Not gay just a supporter), because it’s been really great working with you. Thank you for asking me.
Edit: I realized we don’t really need the flag thing. If anything, a slight nod to Gates being Gay would be more needed, but I’m not reaaaaally sure there is a good way to do it.
Again I probably shoulda asked before I added the flag, aha. I just kinda, assume. My anxiety is kicking high. I really hope you’re not upset with me.
Attila: You're fine. I'm not upset about it.
Any ideas for the name so far? Only decent idea I've had is "Emotional Baggage", and that's just…no.
Mew-ltiverse: The only ideas I’ve got for the name are “redo” or “reset” and those aren’t my favorites. But I do kinda like em.
RadioactiveRADS:
I like it. It's interesting and short. Gets to the point easy and quick. The interview log was nice. But I notice some errors or things that didn’t make sense to me.
Researcher Gates: I see why Agent Parker was concerned. Isn't Hart supposed to say this?
A minute passes. They waited for a minute to talk that’s a long time for awkward silence.
Researcher Gates: From there, it was a choice between DUI and manslaughter charges or Foundation employment. The rest you know. This is weird why is the Foundation going to hire criminals and not turn them into D-class, I guess his skills were just that good?
These are just small nitpicks.
I would upvote on this one.
Mew-ltiverse:
Isn’t Hart supposed to say this?
Nope! That’s is intended for Gates to say. There is actually a whole underlying story behind that comment, haha.
They waited for a minute to talk that’s a long time for awkward silence.
Yeah. These guys are friends already, and Hart knows how Gates is. He’s willing to wait.
This is weird why is the Foundation going to hire criminals and not turn them into D-class, I guess his skills were just that good?
Gates was hired at the NSF (the government) before the incident. In the new iteration of the SCP it’s not mentioned, I’ll talk to Attila about getting that in there.
Thanks for the review! I started reading yours! I haven’t been able to sit down and finish (I’m close!) and type up a review, but I definitely have been gathering my thoughts on it. I’m A: out eating lunch and B: I’ve got a migraine. When I’m back at my resort I’ll finish up and get back to you! Your feedback means a lot!
IHP: I think I like it. Though the note at the end feels a little… extraneous.
ThBlueHour: however, subjects frequently seem to believe that the object is from an alternate "ideal" series of events related to their personal history. Why do people believe this?
Mew-ltiverse: The reason is because the event referenced tends to be a not so good one, and the item shows something good, which makes people prefer it
TheBlueHour: Ah! You should explain that.
“So far, these connections have been very circumstantial. We need more research to determine if manifestations are actually from some sort of alternate history, or if there's a cognitohazard at play here. - Dr. Hart” It's weird how the first note doesn't have an attribution but this one does. I think you need some more test logs.
Mew-ltiverse: I’ll bring that up to Attila!
TheBlueHour: This is pretty good. My only two real things to say are 1. You need more test logs and 2. You should read the dialogue out loud to yourself. That's a good exercise to figure out what sounds good.
Mew-ltiverse: alrighty! Thank you so much for the feedback!
TheBlueHour: You're welcome!
Ayers: When any person opens SCP-4112,
You change the number here from 4412 :)
This object will then demanifest if it is inside the bag as it is closed.
This is pretty wordy. Consider trimming it down to "When the bag is closed, the object will demanifest unless removed."
object is from an alternate "ideal" series of events related to their personal history.
This feels non-clinical. Consider "the object retrieved suggest an alternate, more ideal outcome, to a scenario specific to the subject's personal history" or similar.
but displayed notably increased stress afterwards.
I think disstress would be more a more impactful word to use.
Researcher Gates displayed dramatically increased stress and decreased productivity.
This kind of dehumanises the personnel a little more than I would like. Companies, including the Foundation, care deeply about their personnel's mental wellbeing — not just because their productivity is declining.
Why was the test with 4412 so distressing for you?
I think this line of questionning is too specific. I'm no therapist, but I feel a more general "What was in the box?" would be more realistic. You have to establish that trust and distance from the event ("The box" instead of "your item").
Ever since the test, you've been very…unfocused.
I think this would be better as "Ever since the test— you've been acting different, Gates. You're distant."
I see why Agent Parker was concerned.
I think this is a little too direct from a person who's about to open up emotionally. Something like "Yeah. I see why Parker put you up to this."
But then I… uh… made some very poor choices.
I'd change it to "I… uh… I made some poor choices"
My sister needed a ride home from her friends’ and like an idiot, I told her I’d do it, leaving […]"
I'd change this to "[…] and, like an idiot, I told her I'd do it. Left out that I was drunk."
The rest you know.
Again, a little formal for the tone.
I won't ask you about this ever again, just tell me.
I'd make this two sentences
Researcher Gates: Not a day has gone by that I haven't wondered if it could have gone differently.
Paragraph is mostly fine, but I'd add a little emphasis on certain words like "no" and "fast" by italicising the text.
Dr. Hart: I'm sorry, Kevin. I truly am.
I think "I'm sorry, Kevin. I don't know what else to say." followed by Gates saying something emotional would be a much better final line.
I'm seconding BlueHour's critique that you should read the dialogue out loud (or, even better, roleplay it out1). I disagree with the idea that you should add more testing logs — the anomaly is, by and large, not the focus of the draft.
I'm liking this a lot more. The dialogue is definitely workable, but improving each line even 1% would make your work 53% better! Tiny changes to dialogue add up, to I suggest you give that some fine-tuning. I think the draft ends on a pretty strong note, so the pacing here is a lot better than before.
In summary: probably a +1 from me as-is, but could definitely benefit from some changes to the dialogue.
Best of luck!
Footnotes
1. I know this is what CaptainKirby did in End-of-Death's finale!
Mew-ltiverse: Thank you so so much for your critique! Pretty much everything you said I’ll put to work on the skip! One thing I wanna point out, and since everyone else has, I’m feeling it needs some dialogue change.
“I see why Agent Parker was concerned”
This is actually Gates referring to Parker’s concern that his romantic interest for Hart is distracting. Parker found that out through joking around enough to annoy Gates to actually admit it, shocking him. The dialogue has confused many reviewers, so I’m thinking it’s gonna need to be changed. Thanks again!
Per 
