Per 
<•ARD> We’re gonna have to rewrite made in heaven so that fritz and Mann are lovers
5:07 PM It’s going to blow people’s socks off
5:09 PM <unclenicolini> finally an 001 with the courage to have canonically gay characters
5:09 PM — unclenicolini ignores WDB
5:09 PM <•ARD> Nobody noticed that WDB’s characters were gay, that’s why we have to open with Mann getting his back blown out
5:10 PM We’re gonna have full penetration and we’re gonna have a lot of it
<•ARD> unclespookylini: pitch the idea
12:07 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini okay so
12:08 PM the reader of the document is Mann, as O5-01. The person writing the notes is unclear, up until the end when its fully revealed its Nobody, who is trying to get Mann to become a Nobody to help him in taking out Fritz. The only reason Mann is reading this note is because Fritz is about to blackball him or just has.
12:09 PM also we remove the transfer table at the end
12:10 PM <•ARD> OK so you're going to hate me for this but I had yet ANOTHER angle on how we could write the entire thing
12:10 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini with the implication being that they're clearing the board to play again without swapping roles
12:10 PM Oh?
12:10 PM whats that
12:11 PM <•ARD> hearkening back to the core idea of "this being a game/movie with actors playing roles", what if each sentient skip was told to write a transfer letter to their replacement with tips.tricks/advice on portraying the role
12:11 PM with the underlyin tension of "digging your own grave"
12:11 PM so to speak
12:12 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini Im not sure how I feel about that since it creates many more perspectives and we already have a lot of voices talking i nthe article as-is
12:12 PM <•ARD> right, the idea would be that it's a more character-centric 001
12:12 PM since the core of the site are the spooky characters
12:13 PM it's not something that we should throw ourselves into but it's something worth thinking about as we write the 001, because we will need to focus more on character interaction for the sake of reader investment
12:13 PM anyways, this month I'll be focusing mainly on other things — i have a halloween tale to write and a seminar to run, so MIH will probably not continue in earnest till november at the earliest
12:14 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini im fine with that
12:14 PM im not in a hurry tbh
12:14 PM <•ARD> OK Good
12:14 PM Lmao
12:15 PM This is like, second on my list of big projects because escape velocity looms over me like a yandere
12:15 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini 🔪 ard-kun
12:16 PM <•ARD> Basically
1:28 PM unclespookylini: i never did get around to assessing your idea but in a nutshell, i don't like it — the big reason we use mann here is because he's a recognizable and fairly popular character in the site mythos, which gives us a quick way to hook our readers and get them interested.
1:28 PM having some Nobody (ahem) be our protagonist makes it harder for us to get our readers to pay attention from the get-go and also makes it harder for us to quickly establish a character that can then develop over the course of the story
2:25 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini THis is true. Good thinking.
<unclespookylini> unclenicolini hauntedhouse okay so heres my thoughts
4:28 PM we change the letter addressed to the new O5 to a different font/div style
4:28 PM Also we need to set out an outline for the ARD-style notes. Do we want to change the ending? If not, we need to be smart about this.
4:29 PM oh and btw fellas
4:29 PM I did a few changes and spruced up the notes/logs, corrected a few continuity issues, and removed the lizard from the kill table
4:38 PM <•ARD> Word
4:41 PM <HAUNTEDHOUSE> Alright
4:41 PM if we need an outline for those notes, what are we thinking
4:43 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini I like our current ending where he turns out to be nobody but now that Mann is leaving notes for the new o5 I think we should structure the ending to be something along the lines of a request for cooperation
4:46 PM What do you think
5:07 PM <•ARD> I’m down for that
5:10 PM <HAUNTEDHOUSE> i can see that working
5:15 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini that being the case, i suggest we change the ending to be something along the lines of "you made it this far, so are you in or are you out?"
5:26 PM <•ARD> Hmmm, I’m not quite onboard with that
5:26 PM I think that the fact that they’re still being read implies that the reader is in
6:55 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini That's fair
<unclespookylini> unclenicolini So wondertainment note aside, what else did you have planned ard I can't remember
7:45 PM <•ARD> Me neither, we’d have to check the ups till
7:46 PM Ups roll
7:46 PM Upscroll
7:47 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini According to upscroll we just got to wondertainment. Maybe lining up the rest of Mann's notes to read more like the first few do?
8:04 PM <•ARD> Probably the best move
8:04 PM Mann needs a character arc for us to care about him
8:07 PM <unclespookylini> unclenicolini I will ponder on what to add
<unclenicolini> ARD I read graves4 and to be honest I really like it. i dont know what an additional tale would add to it that your note from mann to o5-01 wouldn't have done better
4:40 PM <•ARD> huh, maybe i'll carry on with that one then
4:41 PM <unclenicolini> its damn good
4:41 PM and it paints mann perfectly
4:41 PM <•ARD> I wasn't too fond of it when i wrote it, though i'm not entirely sure why
4:41 PM <unclenicolini> it happens to all of us
4:42 PM <•ARD> at a glance it definitely needs some tweaking for language and redundancy, but it may be salvageable
4:42 PM i'd completely forgot i wrote it lol
4:44 PM i could probably write more things along those lines, we'll see
4:45 PM <unclenicolini> dank
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7:28 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> ARD unclenicolini wack
7:28 PM <•ARD> Man I didn’t even realize I’d told you guys about graves4
7:29 PM I thought I wrote it, disliked it, and left it to ferment
7:29 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> you definitely told us
7:29 PM i recall you saying you liked it
7:29 PM apparently not
7:29 PM <•ARD> I did?
7:29 PM Huh
7:29 PM I wonder why I stopped working on it
7:29 PM Maybe I just wasn’t sure where else to go with it
7:30 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> sounds right
7:30 PM <unclenicolini> yeet
7:30 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> that reception was surprisingly positive
7:30 PM compared to the lukewarmer stuff we got earlier
7:30 PM <•ARD> SCPD doesn’t exactly have high standards
7:30 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> touche
7:30 PM <•ARD> These ARE the same group of people who propped up North’s poems
7:31 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> 🤔
7:31 PM that's true
7:31 PM <•ARD> Which is the main reason I never consulted them — their upvotes will come naturally if the better authors enjoy it
7:31 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> thought everyone hates north now so there goes the karma train
7:31 PM <•ARD> Lmao
7:32 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> so are you happier with 3 or 4
7:32 PM <unclenicolini> i like 4
7:32 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> i also am a fan of 4
7:33 PM thought the first note is a megaexpodump it still gets the atmosphere really well
7:35 PM <unclenicolini> its some spicy stuff
8:06 PM <•ARD> Man it’s taking all my effort not to ask hawkguy if she’s ever had a job at all in writing-help
8:09 PM unclenicolini: what do you and Rounderhouse feel about me doing another diary style entry where Mann confronts wondertainment and discusses the importance of physical fitness, strategic confrontation, and playing dirty
8:10 PM <unclenicolini> Go for it. I love the style of the first one and if you keep the same tone it will be fire. Though I don't think it should be as long.
8:13 PM <•ARD> 👌
8:17 PM Here’s what I’m thinking — the second diary entry discusses the importance of allies, both yours and your enemies. It would cover A) the importance of removing your enemy’s allies (I.e. wondertainment), B) the importance of spies (which is how Mann acquires information on Wondertainment’s security), C) the importance of eliminating your enemy’s support (by killing wondertainment), and D) the importance of compartmentalized information (as
8:17 PM revealed by wondertainment of all people having a copy of the 001)
8:20 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> yeah echoing nico's opinion
8:20 PM go forth and conquer
8:21 PM <unclenicolini> Fuck yeah
8:21 PM <•ARD> Cheers
8:21 PM I enjoy writing monologues
8:21 PM They’re like dialogues but cooler
8:27 PM <unclenicolini> Ard writes a vagina monologue
8:28 PM <•ARD> It’s all about how much I love puss
<•ARD> Ok here’s what I’m thinking
7:08 PM We keep email
7:09 PM Let me try again
7:09 PM We keep the first two emails as Tale 0
7:09 PM Then I write Tale 1: Mann being burned and escaping the Arctic to a safehouse
7:09 PM unclenicolini writes Tale 2: Mann sneaking into wonder world, killing wondertainment, and getting ahold of the 001
7:10 PM Then the 001 comes
7:14 PM Hmmm
7:15 PM Ok, I’m gonna have to sit down tonight with you guys to figure it out
7:15 PM Proper tales means more stuff to flesh out and characters to explore
7:18 PM <unclenicolini> ARD yeah. im down whenever.
7:21 PM <•ARD> 👌
7:25 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse okeydokey
11:17 PM <unclenicolini> Ard im about to pass out. Ill read upscroll
11:17 PM <•ARD> 👌
<unclenicolini> ARD you out of dinner
10:04 PM <•ARD> I am, give me thirty more minutes to get sufficiently drunk
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10:05 PM <unclenicolini> lmao
10:05 PM alright
10:05 PM rounder give him half an hour
10:05 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> outstanding move
10:29 PM <unclenicolini> ARD we drunk af now
10:29 PM <•ARD> Check staffchat
10:29 PM <unclenicolini> sounds like you are
10:30 PM <•ARD> I am
10:30 PM <unclenicolini> rounderhouse get in here
10:31 PM anyway
10:31 PM he'll see the scroll
10:31 PM we're gonna do some mini-tales from different povs to help flesh out MIH
10:31 PM Selected ones thus far include:
10:31 PM <•ARD> I think we can still maintain epistolary formatted tales
10:32 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> here
10:32 PM <•ARD> But we’ll need actual prose to glue it all together
10:32 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> hold on what
10:32 PM <unclenicolini> Mann sneaking into Wonder World to kill Wondertainment from the pov of Wondertainment
10:32 PM Mann when he finds out Fritz burned him
10:32 PM Bumaro's PoV from Spain and shit
10:32 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> we're going straight up prose, then
10:32 PM i see
10:34 PM <unclenicolini> im gonna do the Wonder World prose bit
10:34 PM <•ARD> Unfortunately it seems like straight up prose is the only way to solve the issues of characterization that we’ve seen from reviewers
10:35 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> damn
10:35 PM <•ARD> Like, I have no doubt we could post what we have and see success
10:35 PM But to achieve the literary equivalent of super Saiyan 3 we’ll need to adopt prose
10:38 PM <unclenicolini> Im fine with this
10:38 PM What other sections do you think could do with prose?
10:39 PM <•ARD> Let me pull up Made in Heaven 3 and check
10:39 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> what are we on now
10:39 PM five
10:39 PM <•ARD> Five
10:40 PM I started prototyping four and gave up because I was hesitant to commit to prose
10:43 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> it'll be the forgotten sequel
10:58 PM <unclenicolini> ARD how do you feel about having the end be prose and ending it with "He wrote one last thing on his to-do-list. 'KILL FRITZ'"
10:58 PM or something like tha
10:58 PM <•ARD> unclenicolini: could be something like that, we’ll figure it out when we get there
10:58 PM <unclenicolini> alright. ill start drafting up for wonder world prose
ROUNDERHOUSE> are all the journal entries gonna be written as though intended to be read by a new o5-01
5:34 PM ard: i redid the killing wondertainmment note
5:36 PM lmk what you think
5:39 PM fortunately no one seems to complain about the actual premise, just the writing decisions made
5:41 PM <unclenicolini> Word
5:42 PM Ard ROUNDERHOUSE idea
5:42 PM The logs are written as if 05-01 is trying to write scp-001
5:42 PM And these are his notes and observations on what the fuck is going on
7:12 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Mhm
7:13 PM Natch, this doesn’t solve what I feel is the main problem
7:14 PM We need to strike a balance between maintaining epistolary format and the prose needed to glue the epistolary format together and give the revenge tale weight
<•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz hmmm
6:09 PM unclenicolini: i'm gonna have to stew on made in heaven for a while
6:42 PM <unclenicolini> Good with me
6:43 PM Whats on your mind ard
6:53 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz I feel that making the prose adjustments to roget’s satisfaction would require a major overhaul in the way the article is presented
6:54 PM I’ll need to think about whether or not that’s worth it
6:56 PM — unclenicolini nods
6:56 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz I am of course a lazy bastard
6:56 PM Hmmm
6:56 PM <unclenicolini> If its prose I think we'll have to pump the breaks significantly
6:57 PM *prose is the answer
6:59 PM This would also mean we'd probably have to employ listpages to break things up because prose means considerable increase in length
6:59 PM And vezaz was already bitching about length
6:59 PM But it is vezaz so idk
7:05 PM Another thing is; we would have to maintain our black comedy tone throughout
<ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse ARD: getting rog to read it
10:42 PM he has words
10:44 PM they're not good
10:54 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz man, the rewrites were not finished by a long shot
10:55 PM whatevs, let me know what roget has to say
10:55 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse Ah shit
10:55 PM Didn't know, my bad
10:56 PM https://imgur.com/a/F6nxwhE backwards order, it's impossible to rearrange them on mobile
10:58 PM tl;Dr: the lack of details make it feel boring
11:01 PM There is more that I will upload when not indisposed
11:01 PM But that's mostly line by line so w/e
11:06 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz interesting
11:06 PM it sounds like roget's saying there's not enough detail
11:06 PM which also dovetails with earlier complaints that this should be a prose tale
11:09 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse ARD: part w
11:09 PM 2
11:09 PM https://imgur.com/a/8Kqn0vq
11:09 PM also backwards unfortunately
11:09 PM blame imgur
11:10 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz lol
11:10 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse Idk about you guys but I'm not a fan of turning this into a tale
11:13 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz i can UNDERSTAND where roget is coming from
11:13 PM hmmm
11:14 PM ok, there is one way i can think of to solve these issues
11:14 PM i've been thinking about this for a little while but what if mann has been leaving these notes for the next O5-1
11:14 PM in order to preserve his knowledge of the hunt in case he bites it
11:18 PM then his diaries would be much more instructive and descriptive
11:18 PM ultimately i think we can use mann's journals to solve two issues
11:18 PM one of the prose and one of the descriptiveness
11:18 PM we use mann's journals as the prosaic glue which holds the narrative together, this being the first person narrative
11:24 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse Yeah I think that would work pretty solidly
11:24 PM Would certainly knock out the navel-gazing issue Hippo pointed out
11:24 PM That the journals seemed like they were meant to be read
11:24 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz lol
11:24 PM ok, i'll start on that
11:28 PM
ROUNDERHOUSE> Did that last night
3:24 PM Also there's a minor issue with the bumaro lead part
3:25 PM In the Step List just before the first kill table, Mann says he's gonna "read the file and follow up on the Bumaro lead"
3:25 PM but if he hasn't read the table yet there's no feasible way for him to know Bumaro is in Dellinton
3:26 PM Oh wait he mentions that in the note before
3:27 PM I think we should place the Step List after the Kill Table set, then
3:27 PM The Journal and the Step List after the Kill table
3:38 PM <•ARD> ROUNDERHOUSE: might be better to just mix the line about the bumaro lead then
3:38 PM ↔ •ARD (promoted to owner, opped) nipped out
Thursday, July 25th, 2019
12:24 AM <•ARD> ROUNDERHOUSE: unclenicolini i've started tweaking Mann's journal entries to develop his new character arc. Feel free to tweak them to emphasize the difficulty of finding safehouses and showing the world as it descends into chaos
12:25 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> 👌
12:25 AM <•ARD> Also let me know what you think of the journal entries — what should be changed, what should be added,e tc
12:26 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> I'll take a look when I'm free
12:26 AM <•ARD> Neato
12:26 AM I'm going to bed in about 20 minutes, if I'm gone before you get on, hit me with those juicy tells
12:31 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> ARD: do we really need to header mann's log with "MANN'S LOG"
12:31 AM who headers their own diary with "MY DIARY"
12:32 AM ARD: i propose adding "Sadly." after ‘Fritz won’t kill himself.`
12:33 AM <•ARD> ROUNDERHOUSE: re — first one, you got me there, feel free to do a CTRL-F to delete them
12:34 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> mhm
12:34 AM <•ARD> Re—second, instead of “kill himself”, change it to “off himself”
12:34 AM I think that conveys the same tone as “sadly” without needing the extra word
12:35 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> i noticed we were going for a sir hammerlock tone from mann
12:35 AM <•ARD> Yeah, I was going for the vibe of a Mann pulled out of retirement
12:35 AM On my next pass, I think I’m going to add some segments or logs where he grapples with stuff like pricing and logistics
12:36 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> i think i already explained why i was hesitant on crosslinks but i guess a few are nbd
12:36 AM sounds good
12:36 AM <•ARD> I liked the cap and Luddite crosslink because I think they contribute to the jumanji vibe
12:37 AM Without being too overpowered or distracting, plus the cap gets tossed away after the second journal entry so its impact is minimal while still presenting Everett as wily and resourceful enough to steal something like that
12:37 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> i can deal with that
12:37 AM who is johnnie
12:38 AM o
12:39 AM have fun at the end is an interesting touch
12:39 AM <•ARD> Johnnie, Fred, Sophie, Troy, etc are references to Johannes Sorts, Frederick Heiden, Sophia Light, and Troy Lament
12:39 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> i gathered
12:40 AM <•ARD> Specifically, they’re some of the other Overseers
12:40 AM It’s a more subtle ecce perago tie in
12:41 AM I figured that Mann’s only real friends — aside from KP Crow and Gears — would be the other Overseers
12:42 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> mhm
12:42 AM i like these changes but i think that they could be improved some
12:43 AM ill see if i can do some of those changes
12:43 AM <•ARD> Yeah, this is a pretty rough pass
12:43 AM I think it’s starting to get there but it could use a few days of work
12:44 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> we on a timeline tho
12:45 AM <•ARD> We’re not posting till August anyways
12:45 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> still
12:45 AM ard: https://usercontent.irccloud-cdn.com/file/c7eoWv6y/image.png
<unclenicolini> Mann can mention how increasingly difficult it is to find safe houses, transport, etc
10:07 PM God yeah.
10:07 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> that was forever ago
10:07 PM <•ARD> unclenicolini: good thinking. Getting back to Mann for a minute
10:09 PM We introduce him as a paranoid go-getter. What if his character arc is him starting as a paranoid, insular individual forced out into the world who gradually discovers that he enjoys the globe trotting adventure, murder, robbery, and living on the lam while justifying his actions as necessary for the world until he openly admits that he enjoys the adventure and challenge of trying to put a bullet in Fritz's head
10:10 PM In this way we can ground the adventure by having him spend more time in and on the ground, flesh out more of the world as it goes to hell, and tie Mann's arc back to the primary theme that this is all a game and the Foundation and the GOIs exist for the sake of existing
10:11 PM so like, the first journal entry is him being like "i don't remember the last time i left the arctic, why is everything so bright, so many people" and then the next entry is like "fought wondertainment, must admit it put hair on my chest" and so on and so forth
ARD> ROUNDERHOUSE: unclenicolini screen caps of crit from the Goonsquad
9:42 PM <unclenicolini> o:
9:43 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> Alright
9:43 PM let's see em
9:46 PM <•ARD> https://imgur.com/a/XO1KkOF
9:49 PM <unclenicolini> grounding it
9:49 PM prose was tossed around
9:49 PM im unsure of how to feel about prose for this
9:50 PM <•ARD> likewise
9:50 PM i personally am aggressively attached to the epistolary format
9:50 PM oh shit i almost forgot, hang on i got crit from pedantique again
9:50 PM let me add it to the album
9:51 PM <unclenicolini> imo prose would completely remove the reader from the experience
9:51 PM because theoretically, they're a fly on the wall during this whole thing.
9:51 PM <•ARD> yeah
9:51 PM <unclenicolini> prose would just be like
9:51 PM "heres a story"
9:51 PM <•ARD> Reload the imgur link btw, ROUNDERHOUSE and unclenicolini
9:52 PM I added pedantique's recrit
9:52 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> Yeah prose is a no go for this
9:52 PM <unclenicolini> dont see it
9:52 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> it just doesn't feel right
9:52 PM I assume Cameraman is jekeled
9:52 PM <•ARD> new link https://imgur.com/a/XO1KkOF
9:52 PM ROUNDERHOUSE: yeppers
9:53 PM Keep it on the DL, he tries to stay off the grid mostly
9:53 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> Yeah no kidding
9:54 PM Vezaz complaining about it being a format screw is classic Vezaz so I wouldn't pay a ton of mind to that
9:54 PM <•ARD> Lmao
9:54 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> I'm unsure how we could "ground it"
9:55 PM I'm also unsure what it being not grounded means but whatever
9:55 PM <•ARD> the way i'm thinking of 'grounding it' also ties into Pedantique's critique — Mann as a character isn't fleshed out or defined too well, so I think making his journal entries more concrete and giving him a more well defined character trajectory would work well
9:57 PM <unclenicolini> i dont know how to address vezaz's complaints
9:58 PM <•ARD> Well we have at least eight days to assess them and brainstorm
9:59 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> Clock is ticking
9:59 PM What trajectory would Mann have
9:59 PM <•ARD> I'm thinking
10:00 PM Mann opens up as a paranoid go-getter
10:00 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> Also I think Vez's complaints hinge on it being almost darkly funny in parts which other people considered a plus
10:00 PM <•ARD> I think you guys might be misreading Vez's comments
10:01 PM His primary complaints are that it's epistolary and somewhat overlong
10:01 PM I added in his notes about the playfulness just in case, but he says the article wouldn't work without its darkly comic tone
10:01 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> uh huh
10:01 PM <•ARD> Lmao
10:01 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> I agree that we could probably get rid of some of the kill n release logs
10:01 PM Some of the worse ones, anyway
10:03 PM <•ARD> I think we can toss Able, Moon Champion, Ashur, and Immortality Jewel to start
10:03 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> I think Immortality Jewel is worth keeping
10:03 PM <•ARD> Hmm, ok
10:04 PM I want to keep the Seed one because it ties into the Aaron/Mann log
10:04 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> Shows that the Pit can kill what could not be killed
10:04 PM <•ARD> Good point
10:04 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> I think we can keep the seed one, yeah
10:04 PM <•ARD> I think either Spanko or Duke Blackwood can be tossed as well
10:04 PM Instead of Immortality Jewel
10:04 PM <unclenicolini> Toss spanko
10:05 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> Yeah
10:05 PM <•ARD> Also because the Seed one is a blatant terminator 2 reference and I refuse to lose it
10:05 PM <unclenicolini> Contributes the least
10:05 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> ARD: that's what matters
10:05 PM <•ARD> Cool — so we toss Able, Moon Champion, Ashur, and Spanko
<ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse ahhh what was it
10:03 AM One sec
10:03 AM Yeah I got it
10:04 AM ARD: a) do we want to make manns win condition just kill fritz, for the weight of having Kill Fritz at the end of the list b) do we want to cut the drunk email? Pedantique said it was a weak point and I don't really see it adding much
10:28 AM <•ARD> B) I’m fine with cutting the drunk email and attached journal entry
10:28 AM A) yeah, I think it adds more weight to have Mann reject The Game
10:29 AM I’ve got to return to Work now
10:39 AM ROUNDERHOUSE: ^
10:40 AM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse Word
10:51 AM <•ARD> after that, i think i probably need to tweak the Mann-Aaron dialogue some
10:51 AM and then I think we should be able to shop it around for more critique
<•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz talk about rigor mortis
10:42 PM Alright, added the first journal entry about Mann being burned. Moving on to the next entry
10:43 PM unclenicolini: ROUNDERHOUSE how do you guys feel about me tweaking Wondertainment's email so that he asks for a physical copy of the file to be mailed to his wonder world address because he prefers the physicality
10:43 PM of such props
10:43 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse i feel like that answers a question that nobody was really asking, if that makes sense
10:43 PM <unclenicolini> Its a small touch
10:44 PM But a neat one i think
10:44 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse oh wait
10:44 PM oh i misread that
10:44 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Gotcha. I wasn't sure if people would wonder how Mann found Wondertainment or not
10:44 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse yeah thats fine
10:44 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz My goal with the email is basically to establish — how does Mann find Wondertainment
10:50 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse ard: i worry that the ecce perago crosslink will a) make people think that mann really did kill everyone else b) take people away from our page, distracting them
10:51 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Mmm, good point. I'll eliminate the link
10:55 PM Alright, I tweaked Wondertainment's email and Mann's second journal entry to tie in more neatly to the 001. Moving on to the next journal entry
10:57 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse sounds good
11:06 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Alright, edited Mann's second journal entry (talking about how he killed Wondertainment for the file, confirmed its validity, but doesn't understand why Fritz suddenly wants to throw away all the progress the Foundation has made).
11:07 PM Moving o
11:08 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse n
11:08 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Side note — I ended up keeping Mann's second and third journal entries separate
11:08 PM Second entry is where he talks about killing Wondertainment for the file and confirming its validity
11:08 PM Third note is where he reads it, doesn't understand why Fritz wants to erase the Foundation's progress, and talks about reading the kill tables for clues next
11:15 PM Alright, removed Mann's fourth journal where he writes about his plan to go to El Viejo and moved the recording to its spot
11:15 PM Moving on
11:19 PM Side note, I added an entry in the SCP kill table for 3179 to hint at Bumaro being in El Viejo, Spain
11:24 PM Minor tweak — owing to the new kill table entry, I've moved the La Rioja recording to Dellinton, England, to be consistent with 3179's listed origin
11:29 PM Deleted Mann's journal entry about needing to interrogate Aaron and moved the journal entry where he discusses getting O5-12's password into the former's place. Moving to the ending
11:35 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse word word wor
11:35 PM d
11:45 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Alright, I've tweaked all the journal entries with the aim of playing up Mann's mania and anger. Give them a look, unclenicolini and ROUNDERHOUSE ?
11:46 PM reload the page — I modified the last journal entry slightly again
11:55 PM Alright, I’m off to bed
11:55 PM Do ya thangs
•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Cool. OK — so here is what I am thinking in terms of plot
7:56 PM <unclenicolini> Shoot
7:57 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz Actually sorry, give me a couple minutes to collect my thoughts — I had something but it dissolved 😭
7:57 PM Feel free to brainstorm while I type
7:58 PM <unclenicolini> Pfft
7:58 PM So here's my plan because i thought of something
7:59 PM They first notice the gois collapse/act weird from the outside and start looking into it.
8:00 PM Mann is put in charge of making sure this doesnt happen to the foundation
8:01 PM And he sets up an scp-001 file depicting the phenomenon
8:03 PM And then mann notices that the administrators been moving anomalies
8:03 PM And the rate of containment breaches has gone up
8:04 PM And thats how we get to our current starting point.
8:16 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse maybe he sets up a 001 file only to discover the slot is already occupied
8:20 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz OK here's what I've got
8:20 PM We open with an internal memo wherein the Foundation congratulates itself for going a full decade without a single containment breach owing to their highly effective personnel, streamlined containment procedures, political effectiveness, and success at squashing other GOIs.
8:20 PM We then jump to Mann's email — currently the first one — asking about why a bunch of anomalies were suddenly reclassed Neutralized and transferred to Overwatch Command.
8:20 PM Then we have a short journal entry from Mann where he talks about suddenly having been blackballed — the Administrator claims that Mann was caught plotting to assassinate the other Overseers and overthrow the Administrator in a coup (link to Ecce Perago). Mann writes about how he's hacked Fritz's email with an ACTUAL contingency plan for a case like this because he's a paranoid bastard. He plans to figure out why he was blackballed, how it's related to the
8:20 PM transferred anomalies, and then kill Fritz.
8:20 PM We see the first email from Wondertainment. It's vague, congratulating Fritz for his success, talking about how he'll get him back, and asking for a copy of the file because he can't find his.
8:20 PM This is followed by the actual 001 file. It's unchanged.
8:20 PM Mann's second journal entry is next, talking about how he killed Wondertainment for the file, confirmed its validity, but doesn't understand why Fritz suddenly wants to throw away all the progress the Foundation has made. He plans to review the kill tables to see if they have any clues.
8:20 PM This leads into the SCP kill tables, which can be mostly unchanged. I think we should remove the Lloyd entry and replace it with a COTBG entry suggesting that Bumaro found something in spain — Tanhony wrote a skip about an alien pretending to be the Broken God that we can use for that purpose.
8:20 PM Then we have the recording of Mann confronting Aaron in El Viejo. I think we should toss Mann's email, where he writes about his plan to go to El Viejo and his confusion about the kill tables, and cut right to the recording. We can just move the Aaron crosslink to the recording.
8:20 PM Keep the email about the GOI breakdowns and al Coda's email about the drama where they are, but delete Mann's entry about needing to interrogate Aaron and move the entry where he discusses getting O5-12's password into the former's place.
8:20 PM Keep the email about the Task Forces being compressed where they are.
8:20 PM Keep everything after the Task Force email the same.
8:20 PM End on the same note, about Mann being introduced to the game as Nobody. I might tweak his final journal entry, I think there can be a sharper stinger, but that's still a strong 'maybe'.
8:21 PM ROUNDERHOUSE: unclenicolini what do you think? Suggestions, changes, overall thoughts on my [ahem] proposal?
8:29 PM <unclenicolini> Im about it. I like it and i feel it would overall improve the piece while not requiring a 100% overhaul
8:29 PM ROUNDERHOUSE: what about you
8:30 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse yeah i am down with this
<•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz to recap
7:51 PM 1. In general, we need to be way more subtle in regards to the twist — the emails give it away too early, so we should rewrite them to be less on-the-nose about the Game
7:51 PM 2. The piece needs to be reorganized in some way, it feels jumbled and disjointed
7:51 PM 3. O5-1's notes need to stop restating what's already in the preceding entries
7:51 PM 4. Some of the journal entries and other logs are a tonal mismatch to the rest of the article
7:51 PM <ROUNDERHOUSE> rounderhouse uh huh
7:51 PM <•ARD> Heinz Doofenshmirtz I think that most of these things kind of stem from the same root — we've had a specific central idea, but in terms of advancing it as a plot I don't think we've sat down and planned one out. I invited you two in here so we could sit down and try to work one out
7:52 PM We've mostly been adding things that orbit around the central idea and then home in on a conclusion — which isn't always a bad thing, but it's clear that we need a proper plot trajectory
Part 4: Mann wakes up in one of Fritz's safehouses. Fritz is there. They talk about their relationship and the betrayal Mann felt when Fritz blackballed him. Fritz points out that clearly he could have killed Mann or let Fuller kill Mann, but he let him live. He explains that Mann simply won't be satisfying to defeat until he embraces his role as a true secret agent man. That's why Fritz mentored him long ago — it was all building up to this, Mann's
11:14 PM role as the wild card and Fritz's own greatest challenge. But Mann let his own guilt sideline him. Fritz, having the UNSPOKEN perspective of being one of the secret leaders of the world since time immemorial, is unencumbered by such feelings. He's simply bored. Mann is still pissed and asks Fritz if their relationship had any meaning to him. Fritz simply warns Mann that he'll need to become similarly jaded if he wants to have any chance of winning
11:14 PM against him, then departs — leaving behind a laptop with his email account.
11:14 PM Part 5: Fuller and two or three other GOI leaders yell at Fritz for saving Mann. Fritz calmly points out that the game has been getting stale for the last few iterations. They need to shake things up. Mann is that shakeup. Fritz deliberately molded him into the person he is today because not only does he add an interesting wrinkle to the game, he's also fun to interact with.
11:14 PM Part 6: Mann tries to connect with the surviving Overseers in order to assemble a force to bring down Fritz and the other GOI leaders simultaneously, but when he goes to meet them, it's simply a trap where he confronts a couple GOI leaders simultaneously and incapacitates them. Mann continues to develop a harder edge, resorting to torture and other unsavory means to get the information he wants. Then the O5 addendum to the 001 is updated and Mann is
11:14 PM forced to conclude that Fritz has completed his purge.
11:14 PM Part 7: At the conclusion of the O5 purge, Mann realizes that Fritz must be at Site-01. He returns to the Arctic to confront Fritz, deciding that if he can simply cast Fritz into the pit then perhaps things will change. Instead, Fritz reveals the truth and offers Mann the chance to join their game. One hand holds a bottle of water from the Fountain of Youth — the other simply points to the pit.
11:15 PM Coda: We learn that Mann accepted the bottle and has become Nobody. His first act as Nobody is to appear to the new O5-1, just as they've finished reading his notes, and enlist them in his war against the immortals.
