collab:nickthebrick1-boogeyman23 part 2

For collaborative writing efforts of:

Plot Overview

A brief summary of major plot points in the story.

Fore Points

We are depicting a more resource-limited "small" Foundation in this story.
on

One

The Anomalies are presently in their hideout, except for the street sweeper which has just been captured.
They begin to suspect that the plan may be compromised.

Two

The Skippers search the captured anomalous street sweeper, while the Feds stand around.
Once the vehicle's GPS data has been recovered and given up the location of the hideout, the Feds take initiative to carry out the raid, and usher the Skippers along with them in a rush.

Three

The Anomalies are now aware that the authorities are closing in on them and they will not have the opportunity to escape as planned.
The character FINCH insists that all the Anomalous Vehicles must park themselves and deactivate; that he will negotiate their way out.
TWO-PAIRS refuses to surrender this way; FINCH says that he will be the one to make a break for it with the loot.
TWO-PAIRS and BEARD have a farewell moment (?)

Four

The Feds tell the Skippers that they will have to split up; the Skippers will cover the rear yard area, while the Feds will storm the front door.
- The Skippers may have a chance now to talk to each other without the Feds present.
  - To discuss the call to HQ from the pizza cafe (see other notes)
TWO-PAIRS breaks out of the hideout to escape; the Skippers are unable to stop it.
It is believed that the escaped truck will not be able to leave the city without being spotted by the backup who have set up a perimeter.
The Feds say the raid has been a success, as they caught the only gang member left behind in the hideout.

Five

The Feds and the Skippers presently have FINCH (a young guy claiming to be an amnateur anartist) in custody, and want to interrogate him.
FINCH insists that he is merely a pawn in the scheme, and that the real criminals made him use his art project in this way for profit.
FINCH offers to turn over all the anomalous trucks in the hideout, in exchange for letting him go.
The Feds want to take FINCH in and force him to give up information on the other criminals involved in the scheme.
The Feds offer that they will allow the Skippers to seize all the Anomalies now, and will hand over the prisoner to them after a 24 hour holding period for questioning.
The Skippers agree to this and the Feds leave with FINCH in handcuffs.

Six

The Skippers will now piece together that they have been deceived all along by the Feds.
The Feds were part of the Hesit Crew along with FINCH and the Anomalies; their role was to misdirect the Foundation's response and allow enough of a distraction to get FINCH and the loot to safety before being found out.

…

Acts 1 & 2

See Showroom

Act 3

TRASHMAN

Guys, I've got it! Listen to this: "The Stench Connection"!

I don't get it.

The French Connection was a movie about smuggling drugs.

But not just any drugs. Heroin! And what do they call heroin on the streets?

Horse?

Brown?

Smack.

Junk! And what is it we're hustling around in our cargo?

Garbage?

Trash.

"Effluvium"!

Come on, you guys… This is really clever.

Hey! Where is DUSTER?

We thought he was back here already.

No. Hey FINCH! Where is DUSTER right now?

Not showing up on the map. He just lost signal all of a sudden.

Something isn't right. I've got a bad feeling about this.

We're almost done here, BEARD. Come on and press this last load of loot.

Rest of this stuff comes later.

(Finch saying that the heat is closing in. There is one last plan to escape this, but everyone must listen and do as Finch say.)

(Everyone go park together in Bay 3 and shut down. Finch will cover you all with tarp. Finch will talk out of trouble.)

(Not TWO-PAIRS, no - you must be the one to break loose out the back exit.)

…

xxx
In a warehouse near the outer rims of the city, a man in a hoodie was hastily shoveling large piles of gold coin, jewels and other trinkets into the back of the dump truck. Two-Pairs was growing increasingly annoyed with the amount of weight barring down on him.

"God can you be any more slower, Finch? It feels like we've been doing this for hours."

The man dug his shovel into the pile and dumped it by on of the truck's tires. "Hey, shut the fuck Pairs. You're really complaining about pulling of the heist of the century?"

"Yes." Clarified the truck. "My back is dying here, dammit."

Finch sighed and shook his head. "Look we're almost done here. Just bare with it for a little while, okay. Now flatten it."

Two-Pairs grunted in immeasurable disappointment as his back wheel pressed itself against the their treasure and flatten it to the size of a pancake. They can reverse the process when they're out of this stupid town. Flinch shoveled the two-dimensional loot and looked back to the garbage truck behind him.

"How much left do we have?"

Beard used his metal claw to cup several trash bags and toss it into his compartment. "Got plenty to go around. With how much Stake and Spike are working, it could take the entire night." He answered as his compartment popped out another large sack of coins and hard cash.

"The hell we are!" Objected Two Pairs. "I can't carry all of that!"

"Big man's got a point." Diva-Scent was resting on top of a table, looking over the operation. "My accounts are being deleted faster than I can make. They know something is up. Do you really want to be here when the feds or jailers start upturning this entire town?"

Finch looks back at hull. "We did reach our mark. Alright, when the rest of our crew gets here we bolt. Then we contact the rest of the guys."

"Speak of the devil." Beard commented as the forklift and the flatbed zoomed past the entrance and stopped mere inches from the table. "Shit's going down guys. We're seeing suits all over the place. We got to move out of here. Now."

"Shit." Finch cursed and tossed the shovel in the back. "New plan, we conclude the mission and head to the randevu point. Stake, Spike, you're going to scout ahead and disable the jailer's cars if they spot us. Two-Pairs, drive fast enough but not too fast to where the treasure fall out. Use this covering, it'll help. Beard-"

"Wait, hold on." Said Diva-Scent. "Stake, Spike. Where's Duster?"

The forklift spoke. "I figured he was still working. He's not with you?"

Finch grimaced. "What? Have you tried contacting him?"

"We did just before we got here, but he never responded."

"We've been compromised." The man hastily took his gun out and took the safety off.

"Couldn't he just be busy at the moment?" The trash can argued. "He's no speed demon and the traffic is pretty bad around here."

"No, not a chance. Duster hates being late, he is never late." Beard dropped the trash from his claw. "We can't stay here any longer. We need to leave before it's too late."

"I'll pull up google maps." Finch said as he fiddled around with his phone.

"What?!" Two-Pairs was outraged. "Are you seriously leaving one of our own behind? Just like that? What the hell happened to that "brotherhood" stick you loved talking about so much?"

"Listen." Beard said sternly. "If we're caught, this would have been for nothing. Duster knows where we're supposed to meet. If we don't find him there we'll figure it out from there. Do not fight me on this, Pairs."

"Un-fucking-believable. And here I thought you were a good man."

"God, can you two stop. We don't have the time. Hurry and don't-" The man stopped as the sounds of tires was arousing him from his frustration. He gave a glance out from the window and saw two pairs of headlights coming into the docks. They didn't look like workers.

"Shit. Shit. Shit!" Flinch hid the gun in his pants and locked the door. "Okay, new plan. I want everyone but Two-Pairs to follow me into bay 3 and turn of your lights. I'll hide you and take care of the rest. If your hear things going south I want you all to bolt."

"Hold on, why am I the exception? Why are we hiding in the first place, can't we take them?" Demanded the dump truck.

Finch gestured them all further into the warehouse, talking as he went. "Pairs if things go wrong I want you to be our insurance policy. Your going to sneak out the back and drive to the meeting spot like normal. If we all go at once they'll know who we are and will pounce on us."

He pulled the tarps from some crates and ordered them to stay between the white lines. He covered all the members, if anyone asked he'll say its to protect from dust. The man then ran to the exit and quickly opening the door, ushering the big truck out. "Remember, act like a normal truck. Don't floor it unless you absolutely have too."

"I don't like this, why can't we just deal with them right now?"

"Pairs we are heister not fighters!" He hissed, his arm almost pleading him to leave. "They might be starting to swarm this place, just go before its too late."

With no other arguments, the truck went outside. "Fine, do your magic. Just be there." He said as he drove off into the night. The knocking on the door echoed from the main area, a tarp-covered Beard spoke.

"Be careful, Finch. We'll be right behind you."

Finch whispered a meek 'Alright' as he scrambled to the doors, thank god he was already wearing his disguise. "Hold on, I'll be there just a sec!" His nerves were racking but he did his best to remain calm. It'll be shameful if he were to melt from the pressure after all this time.

…
…

"Well keep looking," Rodney rifled through the center console of the truck while Polk combed the glove compartment. "We need another clue to go on here."

"What are you two looking for?" Slate asked while he stood smoking a cigarette.

"Gotta find the LoJack."

"The what-now?" McCormick paced on the sidewalk while the Skippers searched inside the streetsweeper.

"A transponder; like a GPS unit," explained Rodney. "Tons of companies these days with fleet vehicles install tracking systems on them. If we're lucky, this truck had one on board; and if we can get at the data it could tell us something."

As it turned out, the Skippers were lucky: the truck did have a vehicle tracking system installed, and they were able to get at the data. Polk's phone converted the information into a functional user interface, and he pulled up a map of the city with a "Trip History" projected. The 10th street district they were in right now, as well as a couple other neighbourhoods nearby, had been visited multiple times in the past few days. But all these trips started and ended at the same address.

"What is that place?" Slate leaned in to see what was being discovered.

"Industrial district," said Polk. "Machine shops, warehouses, a couple auto repair places…"

"This spot used to be a recycling depot," Rodney recalled bringing his old TV there when he'd upgraded to a flatscreen. "Years ago now."

"Are they trying to be poetic or something?" McCormick scoffed. "That has 'Hey! Come catch us!' written all over it."

"Sure; it's so obvious, you'd almost wonder nobody's gone and done it already."

Polk's sarcastic quip almost set McCormick off, but Slate responded first. "Well then now's the time."

Rodney checked his watch. "Damnit, where's our backup?"

"No time for yours," Slate directed everybody toward McCormick's and his car. "We got a SWAT team on standby that can meet us there."

Moments later, everyone was in the Feds' black Crown Vic speeding to the scene. "This is FALCON, calling in a Code Red at the following address," McCormick said urgently into his phone. "Get local backup on-scene ASAP! We are heading there now - I repeat, we are on the way right now."

(Slate and McCormick drop off the Skippers where they can approach the rear gate of the compound; tell them to wait 5 minutes before breaching.)

Slate parked the car so he could turn to face Rod and Polk.

two avenues into the property: public access is one way, commercial loading dock is the other.
our backup is around the far side, but we only have enough men to cover the frontal assault - you two will be the pincer.
we need five minutes to regroup with them now, and then we all move in at once.
yous two keep an eye on this end, but don't make your move until after five minutes pass.

Polk and Rodney are smart

We're dealing with vehicular anomalies.

* If you have just one SWAT team with you, you better use your connections and get Local PD to set up roadblocks with spike strips around this block.

"it is being done," the Feds lie.

(As Polk and Rod wait, the dump truck bursts out and they are helpless to stop it.)

Polk and Rod converse while waiting to spring into action. (Possible chance to address some loose ends so far?)

the Skippers first car that got wrecked by SPIKE
the Skippers ran out of Spicy Crust
- We (subtly, barely) indicate in Act 2 that a secure landline is required to touch base with HQ and presumably to talk directly about serious anomalous matters.

* At the point before the conversation with the Feds, Rodney does so from the Spicy Crust back office
* Probably then he would have reported the location of their first compromised car to be dealt with.
* Probably also then he would have asked for the replacement car be brought to the Spicy Crust he is calling from. But they leave without warning to chase DUSTER before that happens; and tag along with the Feds straight after that.
* Hopefully the responding guys can find the incapacitated DUSTER just around the corner from the Spicy Crust and figure out to take care of that. "For now we've got Uncle Sam at our disposal, let's take advantage of it."

UPDATE

The call to HQ from Rodney while at Spicy Crust Pizza should be noted to have included:

Their first car was wrecked and needs a tow.
They need a replacement car brought to the Pizza Cafe he is calling from.
They have confirmed that the assignment does involve anomalies and will need more Foundation attention.
There are autonomous trucks among the anomalies to be contained.
These trucks locations are currently unknown, but major avenues of exit from the city should be monitored.

Establish more clearly earlier in story the idea of Foundation protocol which dictates not calling HQ / speaking explicitly about anomalous things on a mobile phone (?)

Slate stopped the car at the mouth of an alleyway formed by a fenced in lot and the warehouse adjacent. "Alright, here's the loading yard. Follow this fence and the gate should be around the corner down there."

"What are you telling us for?" said Polk.

"Because yous two are going to slip around and cover the loading docks at the back," McCormick explained. "Our boys are waiting for us at the public entrance, but they only got enough men to breach the front doors. So you're gonna have to be the pincer."

"Sounds like the reports of a SWAT team on standby were greatly exaggerated," Polk quipped.

"Test me once more," roared McCormick. "Once more, and see what happens!"

"Alright, look," Slate said, defusing the tension. "We need five minutes to regroup with the cops around front and prepare to storm in. So wait no less than five before making any move from the back, got it?"

Agents Rodney and Polk slid out of the car and slinked their way along the shadows beside the fence. Polk was glad to finally have a minute away from the Feds.

"Okay, Rod. What the fuck are we doing?"

Rodney looked at his partner. "What do you mean?"

"I mean are we completely off the rails, running around with these two idiots instead of getting our own guys out here?"

"I talked to HQ back at the cafe, remember?"

"Right. So how'd that conversation go?"

"I told them the anomalous activity was confirmed and that we'd need to dig deeper on it. I told them we were dealing with autonomous vehicles, and that our car got wrecked."

"So what about reinforcements?" Polk asked.

"Funnily enough, I did ask them about dumping a thousand soldiers into the city on 20 minutes notice and sending a tank or two to smash up the magic trucks for us."

"Let me guess, their counter-offer was Dr. Wile E. Coyote and his big magnet by Acme?"

"Close," Rodney chuckled. "They're starting with a city-wide perimeter, checkpoints on all avenues in and out. Keeping these vehicles from getting onto the interstate and out to who knows where is the first step, until more MTFs can be deployed."

"So where does that leave us?"

"I hate to admit it," Rodney shrugged. "But it leaves us counting on Uncle Sam's firepower here, for now."

By now the Agents had found their way into the dusty lot and were hunched behind a pile of debris. "What's our timing like?"

"Still too soon," Rodney replied. They spent a moment surveying the entire face of the building - noting the placement of every door, anticipating the interior layout behind, scanning windows for movement. "Hmm… seems quiet."

"Yeah," Polk agreed. "A little too quiet."

Rodney glared at Polk. "You know what happens every time you say that?"

"I don't think anything happens every time I say that."

The metal bay door of the recycling centre was suddenly ripped from its framing and sent flying by a dump truck ramming through from within the building.

"Oh come on!" Polk whined, before Rodney tackled him down out of the path of flying bricks and rubble.

(Line from TWO-PAIRS)

TWO-PAIRS does a song and dance number to Kenny Rogers 'The Gambler' which stuns the agents.

Rodney fired a handful of rounds in the direction of the truck.

"You are firing a .45 caliber handgun," Polk shouted over the noise. "At a ten ton fucking truck. Will you get real!"

(The dump truck smashes out the gate and escapes)

"Well, that didn't go well."

(The Feds appear at the smashed door and say "wtf happen?" Skippers like "come on, wah")

"Never mind then, come on over here and listen to this." Slate waves the Skippers over. As they approach, he turns to McCormick and says "Hey, if those boys have swept all the corners and got the prisoner secured then go ahead and send 'em home. I ain't swallowing all their overtime for just standing around." He turned a winking eye to the Skippers, "And they probably oughtn't be witnesses to what comes next, huh?"

As McCormick went back inside, Polk addressed Slate. "You said 'prisoner'? Singular?"

"Get a load of this," laughed Slate. "These gangsters must've just cleared out before we got here, but left one patsy behind to take the fall."

"There was just one guy in there?"

"No resistance, easy takedown. We got him sitting now, ready for a little informal interrogation."

Polk and Rodney exchanged furtive glances, but finally Rodney said "Okay then, lead the way."

xxx

"Okay, is it still inactive?… No, I mean is it likely to move?… Great so… oh you put it in the garage?"

Slate eyed Rodney in the rearview mirror, his scowl depended ever so slightly watching him yap the info in the phone while his partner of his leisurely stared out the window.

"That's great, just keep an eye on that key and make sure that sweeper can't move… I don't know if it can only work with the keys just remove tires or tie it down, better be safe than sorry… Alright, one last thing, what's the status of our replacement vehicle?… Eh, it's fine we have a ride at the moment, just update us if anything else turns up."

Polk turned his head. "Well?"

"The guys at Spicy Crust are watching over the sweeper until the containment team arrives. Bad news is that our replacement is going to take a while. Wished that forklift didn't damage the receiver, this could have done much earlier."

"Shame, I was really attached to that car. So many good memories-"

Slate cleared his throat "If you two are finished fawning over your joyride, we're going to make some things clear before we make it to industrial. McCormack?"

"The industrial district has only two entrances: Public access and the loading docks. And since public access only has one road going in and out, we're going to set up a roadblock there to trap them in and flush them out."

"With the four of us?" Polk blurted.

"No." Slate emphasized. "Since your people are busy cornering off the city, we, as in the UIU, are going to manage the roadblock. They'll be here in around in maybe five or ten minutes. In the meantime, you two are going to go the long way and act as the pinchers."

"Why are we the pinchers?" Polk asked.

"Cause you two are field agents, someone has to watch the entrance and we're familiar with the city. That's why." Answered Slate

"If you see any of those vehicles don't try to play hero, you don't know what these things are capable of."

"I think we'll be fine, we have experience." Retorted Rodney.

It's a miracle how Slate managed to refrain rolling his eyes. He parked by the a section of the sidewalk, right by the front gate. "We're here." The engine was cut off, he turned his head around. "Remember, backup isn't here yet. You are going to watch, that's it."

"Just report back what you see using this-" McCormack handed Rodney a spare walkie. "-And we'll coordinate the frontal assault. Are we clear on what we're going here?"

"Crystal." Polk grumbled. "So where are the stairs leading to the warehouses?"

"Nowhere."

"What?"

"There are no stairs leading to district, at least not in this area. Just maneuver around the rocks going down. The road is too long to run down and I don't want to draw attention dropping you two down there. It'll be more quieter." Slate answered.

"Are you fu-"

"Fine, just be sure to tell us when your guys arrive." The two agents exited the vehicle and looked down the edge of the hill. Fortunately there wasn't any danger of them falling to their death, but they can easily break some ribs if they weren't careful. The ever-growing droplets of rain wasn't helping much either.

"You know, I really wished we stayed in New York. At least we their ports had damn stairs."

"Stop whining Polk, we in the lion's den now. Watch your step." Both of them had a much better time getting down than they expected, they had a few close calls and nearly slipping off but that was a mere nuisance compared to rain. Polk cursed under his breath, shivering from the sheer frigid air caressing them.

"You know, I'm starting to think they're deliberately trying to screw with us."

"I mean, I agree with you they're a real piece of work but… what do you mean exactly by 'screwing with us'?"

"Come on, Rod! The constant 'You're not supposed to butt in our investigation' crap, the tight lips, you really didn't see it? They're practically spitting in our faces."

"It's the job, Polk. You know how it change you. You remember Harper?"

"Ugh… god, don't even remind me. Still, would it kill them to play nice?"

"Look, we got Uncle Sam at our disposal. Let's not squander it… Hey Polk, you see that?"

"See what?"

"Down there, by that warehouse. It's next to those green crates."

"I can't see in this rain… oh wait I see it! It looks like… is that a forklift and… is that a truck?!

"They're going in that warehouse. It has to be them."

"Do they think they noticed us?"

"Nah, we're too far away I think. Hold on, I need to our little patriots up front."

xxx

Older notes below…

The Takedown Idea: It's not the Skippers who do the work, but the Feds. And "do the work" here means "tricking the trucks and then immediately selling them out to the Foundation".

The Feds propose a 'coordinated strike' - "we'll storm the front entrance" (maybe lie and say they have some kind of backup close by), "so you guys circle around to the back; wait two minutes and then breach at the rear doors."

Meanwhile inside, FINCH says "Things are looking desperate, the fuzz is about to storm us! There's one last plan we can use to get out of this: TWO-PAIRS, go out this exit; everyone else, park in Bay 3 and I have to shut you down. Trust me."

When the Skippers burst in at the appointed time, the Feds say "Stand down! We caught the perp totally off guard, he's here all alone." They have FINCH the human anartist in custody; he willingly admits that all his anomalous trucks are covered under the big tarp in Bay 3 and he'll turn them over in order to save himself from being taken in.

This leads to the plea deal wherein the anomalous materials go to Foundation containment while the Feds take the perp away for questioning (maybe promising to ultimately return FINCH to Foundation custody afterwards).

…

xxx

Slate led the Skippers through the loading bay and into a secondary warehouse area. There they found a younger looking man handcuffed to a chair, with McCormick pacing the floor behind him.

"Come on, fellas," said the captive. "This is a pretty extreme response for someone simply trespassing in an abandoned building."

McCormick yanked down a large tarp, revealing an inert garbage truck beneath. Pulling away another revealed the forklift they had seen earlier on; a third one, the cargo truck as well.

"Well, well," Slate reached into the compactor of the garbage truck. "What do we have here?" He hauled up a small gold bar for everyone to see.

"Okay, fine. I'm using this space as my worshop. I'm an artist."

"An anartist," accused Polk.

"Hey, you can't let a little thing like reality get in the way of your creative vision, man."

"Well then," Rodney stepped closer. "Why don't you tell us about this vision, man?"

"Right, so it's called 'One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure'! I'm taking the old cliche phrase and using it to make a statement; not just about the environment, but the nature of humans' attachment to possessions, and the perception of value in-"

"How about the nature of having a ton of free gold in your pocket?" Polk cut him off. "Was that a part of your vision, Mr. … what is your name, anyway?"

"Charlie," the young man replied. "Charlie Finbar. But the conversion rate is too low for me to make much use of it that way."

"Maybe not on your own," McCormick loomed behind Charlie. "But you had some helping hands out there, didn't you?"

"Those are just prototypes. Like practice pieces."

"Don't play dumb with us!" McCormick leaned down. "Those trucks were out removing trash from the streets tonight, weren't they?"

"Fine. I needed material to test my work; there's nothing wrong with that."

"On the contrary," Slate chided. "Racketeering is a rather serious offense. Organized crime, undermining labor union negotiations - someone could do a lot of hard time for charges like that."

"Oh, no way!" Charlie jerked in his chair to look straight at Slate. "That's not on me, I'm no gangster. I just needed them so I could get my hands on the materials."

"That's more like it," McCormick softened up now. "Tell us about this 'them' then."

"Well," Charlie hesitated. "I can't just buy a garbage truck on my own. A friend of a friend put me in touch with someone who could arrange what I needed. But a deal had to be made, so I had to help them to use the piece like this to make the payment. I didn't even know there could be those kinda implications!"

"But if all these crooks wanted was a bunch of gold," Rodney reasoned, "Why not just go to a landfill and have a literal mountain of the stuff?"

"You don't get it, man," Charlie rolled his eyes at the Foundation agent. "I'm not some kinda reality-bending wizard dude, I'm an artist. There has to be intent and expression and all that creativity stuff in the mix before I can do what I do."

"Skip the theatrical bullcrap and get to the point."

"Waste disposal is more complicated than you might realize. It all starts when a someone throws something away - could be anything - but once that consumer discards that product, it can be considered 'waste'. And there's lots of ways that all that waste gets handled. Some of it might be salvageable for reuse, some of it might be recyclable, some of it might just end up in a landfill; but it's all manners and means of 'waste disposal'."

Apparently the kid had done his homework. Or at the least, his creative interpretation of the matter sounded informed.

"Now, at what point is that waste 'disposed of'? Maybe once that consumer has left it out on their curb or tossed it into a dumpster, to them it's gone. But that waste still has a ways to go - collection, sorting, processing, all that business. Anyway, by the time it's under the dirt in a dump is way too late for me to work with. Like, New Yorkers call Flushing Meadows a park now; you get it?"

"Whatever you say, kid" McCormick scoffed. "But I asked you to tell us more, and I didn't hear no names. So maybe running you in downtown is what we're gonna have to do."

"Ahem!" Agent Rodney got Slate's attention. "May I have a word with you over here?"

Slate convened with the Skippers at some remove from their prisoner. "What is it now?" he hissed.

"This 'arrest' talk from your partner here is what it is," said Rodney. "We don't actually know the extent of this person's anomalous abilities; they need to come through a Foundation facility for assessment."

"Oh, give me a break," Slate scoffed. "So he can make a truck drive on its own, you said yourself you've seen that before."

"Yeah," replied Polk. "Still anomalous, still our concern. And if it comes down to it-"

"Well, now now," Slate became suddenly concilliatory. "If we all have to call up our bosses and get them involved, that's just gonna make more unhappy campers. We've been getting along well so far." Slate glanced back at his partner for a second before continuing. "Look, we really need a new lead in this case; we're desperate here. If you give us just 24 hours with this kid in our custody, we can make him flip on these gangsters. And then you guys can do your little tests and all that."

"One day," Rodney clarified, "and then you turn him back over to the Foundation?"

"Absolutely," said Slate. "And we only need the info he has, so we'll let you guys leave here now with all the other anomalous stuff. Those trucks there, the trashcan, any gold loot still laying around - you can take away now."

After some consideration on the Skippers' part, Rodney finally agreed to the deal. Slate and McCormick led Charlie Finbar out to their car in handcuffs, and drove off.

…

Xxx

(Skippers saying: "That dump truck got away!". Feds saying: "We sent our backup to go chasing it as soon as we secured the building. Turns out we didn't find a gang hideout at all, turns out they left just one kid here!")

(Finch tries playing innocent: "This is a heavy handed response for trespassing in a vacant warehouse." The Skippers find some of the gold bars left inside of BEARD: "Well then how do you explain this?")

(Finch admits he is actually an artist: "Okay you win. I'm just a humble artist and here is where I'm working on my piece One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure!. There's no harm in that, is there?" The Feds say they know the other vehicles here have been out and about causing problems: "We know it's not just a silly little art project you're running. Racketeering is a very serious offense.")

(Finch now acts nervous: "No way, that's not on me! I'm not a gangster, it was just an arrangement to get my hands on the materials. I can't go and buy a bunch of big trucks on my own; these guys were able to offer me what I needed, as long as I would let them use the piece like this to settle the debt. I didn't even know there could be such implications like that!")

(Skippers ask: "If all these crooks want was a bunch of gold made from garbage, why wouldn't you go to a landfill? Just get a whole mountain of the stuff." Finch back to being conceited artist: "You don't get it, man. I'm not some kinda reality-bending wizard dude, I'm an artist. There has to be intent and expression and all that creativity stuff in the mix before I can do what I do." Feds say: "Skip the theatrical bullcrap and get to the point.")

(Finch explains: "Waste disposal is more complicated than you might realize. It all starts when a someone throws something away - could be anything - but once that consumer discards that product, it can be considered waste. And there's lots of ways that all that waste gets handled. Some of it might be salvageable for reuse, some of it might be recyclable, some of it might just end up in a landfill; but it's all manners and means of 'waste disposal'. Now, at what point is that waste 'disposed of'? Maybe once that consumer has left it out on their curb or tossed it into a dumpster, to them it's gone. But that waste still has a ways to go - collection, sorting, processing, all that business. Anyway, by the time it's under the dirt in a dump is way too late for me to work with. Like, New Yorkers call Flushing Meadows a park now; you get it?")

(Feds say: "I guess all that's left for you to tell us now is the names of these other fellows." Finch is scared: "I can't do that, I'd be a dead man!" Feds threaten him with taking the fall then: "Jail!")

(Skippers say: "Hang on a minute. We might need to bring this kid in ourselves, assess whether he merits containment by us instead. This isn't exactly a small anomalous feat, making these trucks do all this; the Finch might be more than they can take in the pen.")

(Feds step away from Finch for a minute, sidebar with Skippers: "Don't blow this for us now. Let us put this kid in a box for one hour, he will sing like a canary, we guarantee. We just need his testimony, and then we can turn him back over to you, to run your freaky little experiments or whatever you eggheads do in those labs. We'll even let you take all the anomalous objects out of here directly. The trucks, the trashcan, the leftover gold - all yours. And just give us 24 hours to flip the kid, then he's yours too.")

(Skippers agree to the deal. The Feds take Finch out the door.)

…

xxx

"C'mon man, look, I know we all had a shitty day-"

"Shut up." Slate barked to Finch, who was currently cuffed to a chair they'd found in the warehouse. Both he and Rodney were taking the reigns of their makeshift interrogation whiles their respective partners was on the sideline. "Do you know how screwed you are right now?"

"You caused enough of a headache as it is." Rodney clarified. "So no games, no excuses, what's your game?"

"My… game?" Finch asked bewildered. "You mean the trash? It was just for a project!"

"If it was an art project, why are you trying to hide it? Anartist love to show off their craft." Polk asked. "Besides, this seems convoluted, even for anomalous 'art'."

The man looked away, not daring to look his captors in the eyes. "It was originally, but things changed. I got in contact with people that thought my art can be put to better use."

"So you're saying that you made the vehicles and you were taking orders from someone else?" Said Rodney.

Slate got in real close to the prisoner's face, glaring daggers. "And do you happen to know who these men are? You better to tell the truth. My patience is just about gone."

He gulped. "No, I don't know much of them at all. I didn't even wanted to work with them, I swear!"

"What?" Rodney said. "You were forced to do this?"

"Look, I was literally doing my thing one day when these guys came in and offered me an proposition - a get-rich-quick scheme. They wanted us my art to pull it off. Now, I'm not against the idea of getting cash on the side so the speak. Actually, I have sold a good bit of pieces for a fat wad of-"

"We wanted info, not your autobiography. Get to the point." Warned Slate.

Finch frowned at the agent. "I thought what they were preaching was crazy so I told them no. But they kept coming and were more persistent, they wouldn't leave me alone! I was scared what they might do I refused further, so I gave in. And that's how I became apart of this. I was hoping this would go smoothly."

Polk leaned on the chair, folding his arms in apparent disappointment. "Yeah, shame that didn't happen."

Rodney tossed several gold coins in his palm and showed them to Finch. "I saw these coming out of that garbage truck of yours. Saw all that trash you've been stealing as well." I took him a moment to get the meaning. "Wow, you based your whole plan on that? Another man's trash is another man's treasure?"

"Hey, being metaphorical is major factor in my works!" Argued Finch. "What's the point of making art if it has no meaning?"

McCormack rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Not this again."

"But why go through all this when you could simply go to… let's say a dump?" Rodney inquired. "It would have been more easier in my opinion."

"Yeah, I heard the same from them too." Finch said. "But do you know how hard it is to make a golden goose on wheels? I was getting the finishing touches off, but there was snag. I got this truck from this city, and it turns out it only works on trash that comes from this city. Not from the dump, not trash coming over state lines, only trash straight thrown into the bins by the residents. And even then, there's a short time-frame for the transmutation to work. We could have done bags here and there but we had a deadline! You don't get the luxury of time in this field of work."

"And you commenced this plan today because of the strike, yes?"

"Yeah? With the workers occupied we have more than enough space to operate. I couldn't pass it up."

"Still sounds very tedious and complicated." Said Polk.

"Aren't all anomalies?" McCormack answered.

Rodney spoke. "And what about the men you worked with? I decline to believe you didn't know who these people are when you were planning this together for a long time. So make it easy and spill it. Who and where are they?"

"I don't fucking know man! What part of that don't you fucking understand!" Finch claimed. "I'm just the little man, nothing more. Honest!"

"We'll see about that." He gestured to Polk whom untied the ropes behind the chair. Finch has a moment to gracefully massage his wrists when Rodney pulled out the handcuffs.

"What?! No, no, no! I can't go to jail! I didn't do nothing! I know nothing! Come on, maybe we can work something out! You seem like reasonable men, why don't I just give you some of the dough and we'll pretend this never happened? I'll won't do this again I swear!"

"You're not helping your case, kid." Said Polk.

Rodney pulled Finch's arms behind his back and secured the cuffs. "So now that this whole mess is over with. We can bring him to the Site. They're gonna have a field day with this one."

"What?! No, this was our investigation!" Slate directed his attention to Rodney and gave the biggest scowl his face could muster. "You budded in without our consent and you think you have the right to take our suspects away? I don't think so."

"What's the deal?" Asked Rodney. "Your people always transfer your problems to us. We took the load off your back. How is this any different?"

"My boss is really interested in catching the people responsible and this guy can potentially lead him right to them. There's no way in hell we're coming back empty handed."

"Yeah!" Agreed McCormack. "Don't you have enough boxes filled already?"

Rodney stood his ground. "Well our bosses won't be happy if we don't bring something back home either."

"Look, can we not fight like teenage girls in the parking lot and calm down for a minute? Can we just split up the suspects?" Suggested Polk.

"Split… up?" Said Slate.

"What if you take the guy while we'll have the rest of the anomalies?"

"You kidding right?" Barked McCormack. "You take all the nice vehicles and the vlogger trash can whiles we have one guy? Yeah, no dice."

"He's a thaumaturgist. He can make more those things if pressure him enough. Everybody wins. You get your perps and our buddies in coats will be drooling over his henchmen. All we want from you is update the Foundation on the info relating to your perps when this whole situation is over. Do we have a deal?"

Slate pressed his tongue against his cheek, he gave a glance to Finch then his partner then looked back to Rodney. "You're proposition is… acceptable. We only want him. Just give us the key and we'll get out of your hair. "

"Fine." Rodney tossed him the handcuff key. "I'll call command and they'll pick up. Thanks for the help I guess."

"Yeah, sure. Now get moving!" Slate forcefully pulled on his prisoner's arm and had him move forward. McCormack told them they would hear from them soon before chasing after the two bickering men. Leaving the two amused agents and sentient vehicles alone.

Conclusion

Reveal

Wrap up

End

…

Wait a second… Did you ever mention the trashcan videos to those guys?

Huh? Yeah, probably. I think so. We talked the whole case over at the cafe, right?

We talked about the trucks at the cafe. We saw the truck driving on its own, and we shot the forklift, and that's what we went to the cafe with those Feds to discuss.

Right, we went and we talked to them about the anomalous vehicles. We talked about the union strike, and we talked about the trucks hauling the trash.

But we never said to them what tipped us off to the scheme in the first place; we never told them about the online videos, or the trashcan that looks like a girl or any of that stuff!

Well, so what if we didn't?

The last thing Slate said to me was that we can take all the anomalous objects and evidence - the trucks, and the loot left behind, and the trashcan. How did he know that trashcan was part of the package we'd want?

… He wouldn't. Unless they knew more than they were telling us.

Or they were outright lying to us.

But they did help us contain the anomaly in the end.

They weren't helpful, they wanted to get rid of us from the start. They tried to tell us it was nothing anomalous; they tried to tell us to just drop it. They didn't really get motivated until after we'd already nabbed that streetsweeper and picked up this address.

Yeah, that's when they get all hot to call it in and rush over. Then at the sting here, they put us alone at the back door - knowing we can't stop any truck on our own. So, you think they wanted to make themselves look good by making us look bad?

No, I don't think that's it… Why would they say we weren't needed; that it's mundane crime? Why would two UIU Agents be on a case without anomalies involved?

They knew we were Foundation, so not bulling us for The Veil's sake… What are you saying?

They were in on it, all of them! The punk's job was to run the trucks and pack the loot, and those two fake Feds' job was to pull the wool over our eyes and keep us running in circles until they could get away!

Holy shit!

They played us like a damn fiddle! Call HQ on your mobile phone right now; screw infosec protocols! We need to let them know what's happened, ASAP.

Xxxx

…

They left a trail of activity online though.
- A trail that we covered up for them! They must have known that Online Activities would scrub all the activity after the Foundation got word of it.
They helped us get the crew at the hideout though.
- They weren't all that helpful; they wanted to get rid of us.
- The first thing they said was that it's a mundane racketeering case, no anomalies involved. Why would two UIU Agents be on a case that didn't involve anomalies?
- They told us to pack up and leave it alone. They didn't want us around. We had to convince them that we knew there was anomalous activity at all.
- It's not until we know to come here that suddenly they turn up the intensity and take control of things.
- They put us alone on the back door, knowing we can't stop a dump truck on our own, and it just so happens that that's where the loose anomaly escaped by. They let it out, probably loaded with loot for them to collect after they're clear.

…

The wheels, rubber nearly scorched off went to a complete rest. The headlights flash on and off repeatedly at the trees of the woods. It dared not to make any sudden movements as if he was caught now by the wrong people this heist would have been a pipe dream.

The leaves rustled up ahead. His engine roared and was prepared to go on the defensive when the suits, their suits came through the thickness of the trees. One of the most important men he knew took center stage in front of his bumper.

"Hello Mr. Slate. I was starting to think I was the only one left."

Agent Slate, exhausted from the literal trash fire he had to go through sat on the closet rock. He wished he kept a closer grip on those cigarettes. "About that…"

Two-Pair's front bumper bended slowly in an upside-down arch. "Lay it on me? How bad?"

"It was insane!" Flinch walked closer to the dump truck; McCormack following behind. "Stake is dead. The rest got captured by skippers. I was lucky to get the hell out of there as it is. Slate did most of the work though."

The vehicle shuddered. Looks like the final heist was going be their last. "You couldn't have gotten them out?"

"We couldn't move them without compromising ourselves; they would have pressed for answers if more of the Foundation showed up." Slate answered. "I tried negotiating but they wouldn't budge."

McCormack whispered to several other men to bag the loot. They obliged, inspecting the back as Two-Pairs was still absorbing everything. His crew, the ones he knew since forever was gone. He didn't know what to say. They thought of all the stops, how could it have gone so bad.

"Where are they going?" He asked.

Slate sighed. "I heard they're going up north on Route 11, but your guess is as good as mine. It's such a damn shame."

"We're not going after them?"

"Pairs-"

"No, no, don't you fucking dare!" The truck barked. "We did this as a brothers, and we're going out of this as brothers. To hell with the greater good shit you love to puke up. I made a promise."

"Pairs, listen! Do you know how much heat that escort has? They'll turn us into swiss cheese before we can make a dent against them. We're no army."

"That hasn't stopped you blasting your way out of trouble before." Argued Two-Pairs.

"These aren't mall cops. They're soldiers with balls of steel." Slate got off his rock. "There's a reason why most people get out their way."

"It's big deal, I can always craft up some vehicular buddies for you to enjoy." Finch answered. Two-Pair's wipers went diagonal. "Okay… maybe not."

"If I can't enjoy the high life with my soul brothers and sister then this whole dream might as well be a nightmare. If you're not gonna help than to hell with you. I'll take all of them on if I have to."

NOTES A

A group of sapient vehicle/items attempting to do their "final heist" in steal as much trash and litter as possible from a city whose sanitation workers have gone on strike.

Writer-to-writer messages.

Earlier messages

- Earlier messages

I'll add more to the other tabs later on. I think for now we mainly just need the work so far ported in to start with.

I've been thinking of some characters for the crew, here's what I came with

The Leader: Garbage truck; has a pocket dimension in itself to suck and store all the trash (We can expand on that later.)

The Lancer: Dump Truck; ability to flatten trash (two-dimensional) with it's wheels, scoop of the trash and fold it in the back of.

The Brains: Street-sweeper; the slowest of the entire crew but also the smartest. Can use the dust it sucks up as a conduit to see into the future and plan accordingly.

The Brawn: A crane with a wrecking ball attached; has full control over it's chain and ball to wreck stuff more efficiently.

The Stealth: A homeless guy that met the crew by chance and decided to work along. Can command insects to spy and lift up trash to specific locations. Or maybe a tow-truck that can pull heavy amounts of weight with it's hook and can speed up very fast.

The Chick: A trash can, the only female member of the group; can produce pheromones from the interior to entrance workers and people talking to the trash can would believe it to be an ordinary woman.

And perhaps at the end, all the members are caught except for one. The article first leads the readers to believe the dump truck is actually the leader but the revelation is the garbage truck is, and he is still un-contained.

What do you think?

-Nickthebrick1

Alright, I can't wait to see what you have planned for that, I also liked the segment of the feds and skippers working together. When do you think we can start working on the draft? You said you have something in the process of being typed up?

K, put my thoughts and ideas down (kinda rushedly, lol) - I may have to go back and tidy up mistakes or fill in parts i managed to skip here, but I really want to at least put forward a rough version of my ideas at this point.

I saw your revision and I like it, it's compact and the plot isn't necessarily over-complicated. For the agents being suspicious of BUSTER, we could simply have the agents realize that the city is undergoing an sanitation strike, so there should be any vehicles like BUSTER doing any work.

For the final showdown (assuming you don't have the ideas written off somewhere) how about this? For DIVA-SCENT's capture a bunch of UIU and SCP agents go to where she is located. She is spotted, and realizing this, tries to rally to crowd to protect her. This fails and she is captured.

Before going to BEARD and TWO-PAIRS, the agents come across STAKE AND SPIKE and get into a confrontation resulting in the death of STAKE, and SPIKE flees.

They come to where BEARD AND TWO-PAIRS are and get into a fight. BEARD puts up got efforts but is ultimately captured and defeated. They chase TWO-PAIRS but SPIKE intervenes for two reasons. Giving TWO-PAIRS the time to escape and attempting to kill the agent that killed STAKE. Agent Rodney's partner is killed and SPIKE is horribly damaged but it is still alive.

TWO-PAIRS is the only member that successfully escapes.

What do you think?

Yea, cool. I always think: keep things as simple as possible, if an extra fold in the details is necessary then it should materialise organically and can be factored in at that point. I guess we will have to think about the ultimate fate of each member of the Crew by the end of the article - but for now, having a couple loose ends to work with might leave more options in the latest stages, so I'm still not too worried about that yet. … Really, I'm almost pondering whether the SCP format is most suitable for delivering this story; I know the inherent sacrifice in readership from Tales vs. SCPs, but still I am semi-contemplating this story in a different form. I dunno, but since I don't think our general plot arc is geared specifically towards one or the other as of yet, I think it's still open for now. Anyhow, I'll be in touch; ttyl.

Hmm… if you believe there's going to be a problem format-wise to delivering the story, what if we combine them both? Picture it like this: It's officially listed as an SCP but it shows traits of an tale and scp article, like in segments. Perhaps in the beginning we see dialogue of the vehicles talking about the final preparation of the plan (tale) then it shows the special containment procedures (scp), we alternate between scp article and tale form, picture it like reading SCP-4009.

But instead from the perspective of one guy, the scp/tale is going to be through multiple perspectives. There is several articles that did something like this and it worked for them, this shouldn't be any different. What do you think?

A format screw? Ya, perhaps… I've rarely been a fan of em, but maybe that's all the more reason to take up on one…Alright, it's yet another option for us to consider. Let's formulate something we can stuff inti a Ideas Forum thread maybe; just so we can start accruing potential feedb on that end? We have a fair bit of explaining behind our idea, and all that … k. ttyl

The format screw wouldn't be absolutely necessary but it would give more depth to the article. It would make the article standout too, it's not meta, it gives other perspectives and it's a hybrid of a tale. I can't think of much scps that do that.

The ideas forum? I suppose it's about time we post our pitch to the forum and have people look over the concept. I'll give my take on the pitch here in our sandbox page in the morning. I think we should have the summary be around three or four paragraphs. ttyl.

Sorry, that last message from me was a bit messy.. But ya, let's draft up a pitch for the Ideas Forum (fitting our concept into the standard format and all that) and then we'll at least have a way/place to collect outside opinions.

Okay, that's a good plan. I already posted my version of the pitch summary in the Ideas & Notes section of this sandbox, (you can edit it as much as necessary). After we think the pitch is alright, one of us should post it to the ideas forum thread and invite people we know to review the concept.

I will do this shortly (unless you care to beat me to it), but let's do a new Tab in between our WIP-Notes and the Feedback tabs for crafting our pitch. Even tho we are vets and past needing greenlits, we still gotta follow the format and sell our idea as best we can. I will still give it a once-over before we put up.

We I already created the Tab like you suggested, It's called "Elevator Pitch" . Since our next step is coming with the summary and concept, we should show off the important bits into a comprehensible summary, we can either borrow the practice elevator pitch I wrote in Ideas and edit it from there and start a new summary from scratch.

I'll leave the posting to the thread to you, because I feel you can articulate in writing better than me when it comes to summarizing stuff. Just let me know when it's posted. We also need to think of people to pm to review the concept. Should we get the people who review our last scp? and some people from the butterfly squad?

If you think that the Option A angle with the human mastermind (pretending to be an AWCY? artist and claiming he was forced into participating, then escaping with his fake UIU Agent accomplices) is good, then we can consider that as in place for now. As for the format-screw options… I feel like either that Option A on the second Notes tab might work, or we could go standard format, (or we could make a Tale series by splitting things into chapters and writing the story that way).

Personally, I feel going in standard format, then leaving a "fragment" (If you don't know what I mean, here a link that shows some examples of what I mean.) at the final addendum (in tale form) where the masterminds gets away with dump truck in secret is the best option. With what we're going here, this would work better as an scp, it'll just have a minor format screw at the end. Okay, now that we got the plot in check, I think it's time we should get to writing the draft together.

Mmh, alright we'll go about it that way in building it up then. Also, have you contacted any Butterfly Squad members / tried getting eyes on our Forum thread? I've been pushing it a bit in chat, but it's been in the middle of the night and things are usually pretty dead at that time… Probably should PM a critter or two from the roster.

Oh, Actually I forgot to do that. Kind of had some life changing stuff happening in my life recently, and I got sidelined. Sorry about that, my bad. Uh, how about we start working on the draft now and I'll start linking Butterfly Members to the forum link whiles we start (we can insert their suggestions as we go), you got any specific members you want me to contact or just anybody?

Edit: Just in case I PM four members of the BS. They are very active so it shouldn't take long to respond. Zyn *herself, commented on our thread and said something along the lines about contacting reviewers is the best method. Keep forgetting that people tend to watch not ask on those kinds of threads.

So now we'll just wait. I guess now's a better time as any to start with draft. You want me to start it off or you? Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe you want to try drafting first?

That's understandable, don't worry about it. Yeah, they've changed policy in Ideas Forum so that the writer has to be proactive in seeking out feedback. So, if you've done that now then great; we'll hopefully get some replies on there soon. I'm still thinking more in general beats and plotting at this point, so if you have vision on what to actually put down for beginning the draft then you can go ahead. I have a rough idea of how certain events will play out, so I may try at least loosely planning out those scenes.

Alright, whiles you do that, I'm going to work on the description. (We can focus on the Containment procedures later). I'll describe the scp crew in the best clinical tone I can, be free to ask/but in if there are problems.

Edit: Okay, I start but I need some help here. Boogey, do you know how to make tabs within tabs? I'm doing one so I can explain the scps in detail similar to SCP-4007 and SCP-5700

That can't be done, as far as I'm aware (or if it can it'll be more bother than it's worth for a sandbox). Let's just add more tabs and divide the draft into segments that way. We aren't asking anyone to read our draft yet, so we don't have to fuss over presentation that way yet. (Also some of these space saver bits are just me making it easier to scroll the page on my phone - hope you don't mind.)

Well I guess that works. I'm going to put the detailed description of the crew in the "Addendum 1" tab if you don't mind.

Okay I finished the description with DIVA SCENT. I Tried making the picture shorter but it didn't work, but what do you think of this so far?

Edit: The thread has been updated with some reviews from the BS. They're not a fan on the concept and they are kind of confused. I think we bit more than we can chew with this concept. Frankly, I don't know if we have the skill to pull off the execution. Should we go back to the drawing board and focus on another idea that's no so complicated and long? I think I have something that can work in an slightly absurd, but realistic emotional way.

Frankly.. No, I am not eager to abandon the work put into this project so far. The biggest issue I see commonly raised is that the pitch doesn't expand on the narrative - which is fair because it doesn't. But because we haven't pinned down the narrative in full yet, we can't really provide a complete answer or explanation. Maybe I can try and explain the bones of the heist scheme that we do have so far, but it still leaves our undecided ending action to figure out. Another common suggestion on the thread is a Tale format for the article - is there a concrete reason for why you remain opposed to writing a Tale?

Well, I figured having it formatted as an scp article would make it easier explaining events and characters. But if you really feel that the tale route is the best route to go, then maybe we should explore that option. Hm… actually, we haven't really shown of the draft to people? Maybe that will change people's minds if we do that instead? Also, I believe we have a narrative somewhere in the note, we just need to execute the ending when the time comes.

Actually, what if we try this: We start by working on the draft (characters, events, the dialogue and possibly the ending.) Then invite people so they can give their second opinion. We do have to address the issues the reviewers brought up, like why are they stealing trash from a city when they can easily go to the dump instead? Plug all of those potential plot holes.

If the tale is honestly the more efficient route, we need to think of the structure. If we do, we won't have to worry about the clinical tone and it will give the character's more screen time for characterization. Though word choice is going to be heavily important here.

Yeah, yeah let's do that. If you believe that this idea can be save, then I trust your judgement whole-heartily. Sorry about that last post, I tend to overthink things at a moment's notice. But yeah, maybe you can start off first with this new draft we're doing and I'll pitch in alongside you when the ball get's rolling. You have any ideas to start off with, writing wise?

The benefit of a Tale is that it frees us from the constraints of the SCP format. But at this point, I still don't think we have much to show anyone. So now, ignoring things like ConProcs and Description, let us focus on the story itself. I feel like it begins with our two Agents out driving, and being sent to a scene where DIVA-SCENT recently streamed from. They get there, talk to a few people, etc. - but notice the trash these witnesses claim to have piled up is actually gone already. So that's suspicious, and the Agents continue the case… Anyway, I guess we may have to reformat some stuff for draft organization (just relabel the tabs, like, "scene 1", "scene 2", etc. for now, maybe?) I'll try and do more when I can.

Alright, then after you do some stuff for scene 1, (if it's not completely finished and if we're doing it in bits, I'll try my hand.) I'll add my writing to the mix. If those agents tracking down DIVA-SCENT's going to be the first scene, then what scene should that part of the scps explaining the plan going to be? Is it going to be split in-between other scenes?

I actually don't have it written at all, sorry. That scene 1 rundown is just a loose idea I hadn't got to laying out on the page yet. If you're feeling up to writing the initial draft of that first scene, then you could go for it (there's some other bits about it scattered around the working notes too, I think). I'll get to more charting the later plot soon.

Alright, I guess I'll try drafting in the description. I erase the scp format in the description and try writing my the first scenes, You're free to edit my stuff just let me know here in discussion.

Hey Boogey, I just have an idea. You have an in-universe character right? Agent Buggerman? And Agent Rodney is a character of mine, so it does count as an in-universe character for me… what if those two characters become partners for this tale?

Mmmh.. nah, I don't think that character would be a good fit for this. I can make up someone who is suited to the role/story as we will need. If you have projections for Agent Rodney, I think we should add space in the Work Notes tabs for to put Character Profiles of the personalities and stuff of the characters on the Foundation side in this story.

Sounds like a good plan. I added some dialogue for scene 1 but I', not finished yet. Also, what if we change the partner's name from agent Polk from SCP-4601? They were present for that mission.

What do you think for what I had so far?

I am really sorry for not being more present on this lately. Making a small update now, will try to drop some more input later tonight; just

Hey Boogey, I'm going to put some more stuff in tomorrow. Edit: Sep 6. Okay

Really sorry for being MIA without notice lately. I have had some thoughts about the opening scene and following parts a bit, am trying to catch it up in the sandbox here. Also staking out the following scenes a bit, plotwise, but not sure how to begin really writing them.

Yeah, I guess I can understand the sentiment. Maybe we should focus on one scene at a time. That might be easier to write this tale. I've noticed you put a lot of stuff in scene 1, looks great. Does the first segment before they get a notification from HQ? I want to clarify the events of scene 1.

I put some more work into scene 1, primarily I flesh out the agents' conversation in the beginning and put more detail into the video. Does that suit the scene better?

I've been putting in little a bit of work here and there, when I could. Forgot to be updating down here as well. So it's not really polished or anything, but I think we've got a mostly complete first scene roughly done (we will do edits and revisions; but at this point I kinda want to make progress now, so we don't feel stuck at takeoff like). I'm starting to think ahead about how long this story might end up being, wondering if maybe it could stand being split into Part 1 and Part 2 - but we can consider that more down the line. For now, let's keep chipping away at these early segments.

Yeah, we can worry about splitting up the story later on. Anyways, I made some slight touches to scene 1, and I think that part of the story is finished. We should color code the text that we aren't using so we know not to post that. I'm going to work on Scene 2. Also, Boogey, if we do manage to finish the scp quicker than expected, I believe we should post it after the current contest has concluded. That way we would get more attention on us after everyone had their fill with that.

Okay Boogey, I made stuff for part 3 of Scene 2. It's on the bottom and it deals with STAKE & SPIKE'S first appearance. Also on more thing. Are we using the top section of Scene 2 to write our stuff or are we using lines to evenly cut off the paragraphs? Also what do you think?

Oh yeah, those could stand to be better organized; I rewrote a lot of the content, but wasn't sure I should erase the original versions just yet. I'll think about how to reorganize things so the working draft stuff is separate from the dropped writing. I'll work on finishing and revising the Scene 2 stuff too.

Hey Boogey, so how do you think I should do the UIU scene? Got a sequence of events or suggestions?

With the UIU guys and Scene 3 coming up, we are now getting into a part of the story I don't necessarily have pictured in my mind so much. I have some vague ideas for how it'll open / start, maybe one or two points of exposition to hit in the scene, and that it'll need to set up the transition to Scene 4 at the end. I didn't get anything done over the weekend like I'd hoped, but I'll catch up soon.

Hey Boogey, I'll add more stuff to Scene 2 tomorrow. But I want to know, how much done is Scene 2? What parts still need to be fixed/added?

I'd say consider Scene 2 clear for now. I put in the next tab a (rough rewritten) version of how to maybe close it out and transition to Scene 3. I suppose a diner / coffee shop will be the next setting, a neutral meeting spot close by for the Agents to convene. We still need to bridge the end of the civillian interview to the other bit I wrote, but I will handle that.

To be honest, I can't think at this moment where things will go to and then from with the end of this next scene (maybe because I am up late to write this and tired just now). Maybe an important thing for us to think about is the characters of these UIU Agents. I'll check back in tomorrow maybe and polish up more what's down so far.

Hey Boogey, I took the initiative and added dialogue for the agents discussing stuff in Scene 3. What do you think?

Cool, good work. I've shuffled around some of the writing and notes to try and tidy up the tabs a little bit. Still have to smooth out some things in Scene 2, but then we'll be forging further ahead.

That's good to hear, I think I want to have your contributions to Scene 3 before I go to the next. Also, our SCP, 4601 has been featured on SCP Cafe. (Week 48). We got a shout out too! Check it out: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9zY3AuY2FmZS9mZWVkL3BvZGNhc3Qv

Oh, that's really cool! I don't think I knew about that. I really didn't expect some of the reactions that that piece has gotten from readers, it's fascinating to hear.

As for this piece… I think I'm really drawing a blank on how to conclude our story now. I think most of these old working notes were geared toward the original idea as a SCP format…

Oh! Idea: We do split this into a two-part Tale; ending Part 1 at, like, the end of Scene 2 here. And then for the Part 2 Tale, we can do the story's conclusion showing some things from The Crew's perspective, more than the Agents. We spent so much planning effort on these vehicle characters, we may as well showcase them. Maybe use our Scene 3 diner scene setup as, like, a framing device, for narrative; but we now reveal some of what's been happening with these (by this point clearly to the reader) anomalous vehicle encounters.

Let me know what you think of that possibility, or of any ideas you might have on the matter.

You know what? I actually agree with you on giving more perspective on the vehicles than the agents. This would give them a lot of characterization. I think I put my ideas for the ending somewhere in our notes.

Also, I have another idea. I think we should really take another serious look to see if we can make this an scp article/tale hybrid. Like between certain scene or key moments we cut to segments of the article and it'll explain what's going on. It'll give the readers some context and it'll act as transition between scenes. If you want to picture the format, I'd say it looked similar to the SCP-001 proposal, "The Way It Ends" from the Ouroboros Cycle by djkaktus, except there are no fragments and all of it's condense on the page.

Considering how scp articles get more attention than the tales (in my opinion.) We could make quite the splash this way. What are you thoughts? I'm fine either way. Speaking of which, how is Scene 2 going along?

Mmmhh… I dig Tales, and it is a bummer that they don't get as much exposure as SCPs. But unjustified "format screw SCPs" posted just because of that really bug me (001 Proposals get leeway in that regard, but I see it in other mainlisters and I don't like it). As a Tale, we can insert segments that are formatted as documents or excerpts or whatever - though I'm not sure that fragments of an SCP file would fit best in the story's context. Or maybe they could; I don't really have a solid vision of just what the rest of this story should look like.

As for Scene 2 - the civilian interview bit needs more polish (I feel like it's still a bit rushed, and the dialogue / flow could be more natural) but I think there's no major gaps or placeholders left to be filled. So now focusing more on thinking out how we'll do this whole second half thing.

Well I think we already made a rough storyline for the plot in the notes, we just need to look that over again. I think we talked about that after the agents talked they meet the streetsweeper. So what do you think should be added to the diner conversation I already started? Also, do you think we should also invite people to critt our work sometime in the future?

Right, though I think the streetsweeper was going to be their next clue to pick up before we thought of introducing the UIU guys. Now that they're in the picture we don't need the sweeper breadcrumb, because we have whatever info their conversation with the Agents reveals to lead the investigation on the next step to its conclusion. Things like this are more what's causing my confusion - and it's mostly my own fault for the haphazard way I added a lot of those notes at that time, and not staying organized around how we've changed so much about the way we're creating this article altogether - but for a good story we have to build to a good finish. And for being formatted as a Tale, I don't recall we had setlled on how it would finish. I'll have to really reread and reorganize those WIP Notes when I can.

I dunno if any critters will be eager to read a rough and incomplete draft (and we'd ought to present it nicer than it is now across tabs if they were willing), but that does remind me about our Ideas Forum thread. We could revise that with all our new direction ideas and then maybe get at those original responders to take a second look. Also something I'll do when I can, hopefully later tonight. Aside from those things, maybe brainstorming potential bits to portray the Heist Crew characters themselves will be next priority.

Well we can still include the streetsweeper crumb. Since Stake and Spike do most of the dirty work (pun-intended) and that the sweeper takes more of a passive role, It would make sense that the UIU agents would be more familiar with the flatbed and forklift than the latter.

I think it's Duster first, Then another confrontation with Stake And Spike that leads to the formers death, then Diva-Scent, they track Two-Pairs and Beard. They get in a conflict that leaves Beard captured and Two-Pairs escapes. They tried to follow but is stopped by Spike again. (This is a rough summary from my memory and notes)

Also, One more thing, I just created a new SCP. SCP-5070. Quite proud of what I cooked up so far. Sorry if that sounds irrevelent. I'm glad this one stayed on the sight longer than my previous works.

Oh neat, good job! I'll have to give that a read when I have a chance.

Looking back at our Ideas Forum thread, there are a couple of points that we might still need to consider and address. At this point, I think we need to try and visualize the events of the story from our Heist Crew's POV a bit more. That should help us with plotting out the ending half of the story.

Yeah I agree. I have the events visualized already but I want to hear your version of the events in this story first. What of the events in the ideas thread should stay, be changed or removed entirely?

Hmm… Well, presenting it as a Tale and giving the Heist Crew more screentime I think were the biggest suggestions, and we are currently implementing those. I'm now starting to worry that in the end we might leave open a plothole that can't be explained or handwaved away. The whole plan is a bit overelaborate / illogical. Early on I felt like we'd be able to just make stuff up and tackle those problems as they came, but I see now that some of the issues will tie into the story at it's foundations… Anyway, I'm thinking of maybe a few plot-relevant things it'll be necessary for someone to say or show the audience, but don't really have a broader vision of the scenes overall.

I agree that that plot holes need to be filled if we find any. But I don't think the plan/motivations of the group isn't going to be that complicated. For SCP-4601, it's motives were wonky but didn't subtract from the story at all

If we're doing an overhaul of the story, I think those issues of plot holes need to be fixed before we do more writing so I doesn't bite us later on. So what do you have so far in regards to solutions out of curiosity?

I do have an vision of the story, I said it on this collab somewhere before. Do you want me to give a summary again on how I think it should go?

Also, I think I have an explanation on why they spent so much time on gather trash from the streets rather than a landfill: They intend the main purpose of the heist was the landfill, but after taking a look and finding the place to be less than satisfactory, they diverged their attention to the streets, and they weren't going to bail on the plan this late in the game.

Does that sound more plausible?

I think we had a bit more creative leeway in that regard with 4601 because of the kind of story/genre it was compared to this one. One of the most crucial elements in most Heist Caper stories is that The Mastermind has an impressively brilliant and clever plan, and/or that it's executed in an impressively technical and challenging way. I feel like the audience will be less forgiving if our crooks here are chaotic and reckless instead of more calculated schemers. I think I found the plot-planning bit you mention (I'm trying to transition our work notes to a new tabview, as a refresher for me and to filter out clutter or no-longer-relevant bits).

I almost think that, to some degree, the perpetrator's motive will have to be more than strictly practical. Like the expression "One man's trash is another man's treasure" being a direct inspiration or that making a statement about it is also their goal. I think this is probably why we were thinking some AWCY? or GAW -affiliated person might be worth using. But even thinking through the perspective of such a character, there needs to be answers for why they need so much garbage and all gathered together so quickly this way. Hmm… Maybe it could started with the anartist planning to do the trash-into-treasure act on a small scale for a performance; but then some kind of real criminals find out he can do this, so they force him to expand the scope into a way to get a big payday. Aw, though that brings it back to needing to be more pragmatic than artsy, since the thugs would be hijacking the plan. Mmh… I dunno. We'll figure something out.

I think the anartist projects being hijacked by real criminals is a good plotline. I haven't seen many scenarios on this site where something innocent has been hijacked for an evil purpose. What if there was something special about the trash of the city that prompted the criminals to go steal it? Like some anomalous property that when combined with the garbage truck makes it very valuable?

You know how some criminal leaders were arrested for tax evasion? What if the trash has the property of not being able to be taxed legally, and thus when it's converted, they can hold to all that treasure and no one will bat an eye at them. That would explain why they hatched this scheme rather than raiding landfills.

Though with an explanation like that, I'd fear we'll turn off some readers with a massive info dump in a tale. A revelation like this would be more concise in an scp article. But since it's a tale we'll have to focus more wording and make sure we make things clear so the audience won't be confused. What do you think?

I don't think I see how a tax evasion angle would work here; like, that stuff is a concern for criminals with a public image who claim to be legitimate businessmen like, and have to hide their illegal income through money laundering. This is just.. actually, what even does the trash turn into? We've never even thought specifically about what "treasure" is in this case; gold bars, jewelry, cash money, or what? Bec - …

Your words cut out at because but I'm assuming you mean what kind of treasure are we talking about? In that case, the treasure would be akin to gold bars, jewels, seemingly old antiques, coins etc.

If the tax angle won't work, what if we make this scenario: The heist vehicles were originally an art piece created by an anartist for an event in that city. Criminals out of town catch wind of this and hijack it. They try to utilize BEARD's ability but find that he can only transform trash from this particular city. And they can't go to the city's landfill because the 'transformability' of the trash decreases the moment they become trash, and if gets past the expiration date, BEARD can't transform them.

They wanted to become rich fast so they orchestrated the entire heist. What about this idea?

Sorry, I guess I didn't finish that message. But yeah, I'd think it would make more sense to convert to one specific thing than, like, randomly coins/jewels/antiques ("antiques" is so broad a term it could be, like, anything that's old enough). But yes, I suppose that an arbitrary limit on the extent of the anartist's power is the most reasonable way to keep things how we need them.

What's the limit of the anartist's power are you thinking of? Is it similar to what I proposed in my last post?

Yes. Like, the wikipedia page for Waste Management (research links) defines that as "activities for managing waste from its inception to its disposal" or whatev; so maybe some tedious distinction between trash-in-transit and trash-disposed-of or something like that matters to the guy's power or ability.

Yes, this would explain why they can't just walk into the dump. And since the criminals want to get rich fast, that's why they concocted this scheme. We need to find a way to introduce this in the storyline. Perhaps during the scenes with the talking vehicles?

Also, do you think we should be finishing up the diner scene in the meantime? Or do you want to wait until we fill all the remaining plotholes?

Alright, we'll try going about it that way. Yeah, the scenes from the Crew's perspective should let us present more info and details like that. As for completing the diner scene, I'd say go ahead with whatever you feel works best. The writing can still be fairly rough at this point, we more just need to plan out the rough beats of the plot. If you have ideas for interactions and stuff with the trucks in their scenes, maybe note them down (let's make Tab Scene 4 the place for that now) and we can see how we can work those in.

Hey Boogey, I finished the diner scene and added some ideas for the segments featuring the crew in Scene 4. What do you think so far? Any changes needed?

Ok, I like some of the ideas on 4tab there, that's cool. Scene 3 needs revising; we'll get back to that after pushing the story forward a bit more. I'm intersted to see what you have in mind for the action after they leave the restaurant (though I think we also need to check research; I don't think streetsweepers are operated by garbage collectors, I don't know if they would be the same union on strike or how that might work in whatever city our story takes place…). TheTabs at the verry bottom I think reflects where we're currently at with basic details (funny we have big character profiles written for the trucks who haven't shown up yet, but nothing for the dudes who have been starring so far, lol) and what might come immediately next.

So how exactly do you think Scene 4 should go along with the agents and DUSTER? Any fight scenes? Dialogue choices? Intro to the next scene?

I am really not sure at all; that's why the working notes on plot action only goes so far. I feel like we need to rethink how things will all end, have a better idea of what we're building towards and how we're going to get there.

What about the UIU guys really being part of the heist outfit (we did discuss that possibility before, didn't we?), what did you think of working that element in? I might have an idea for an ending if we go that way with things… but it doesn't include what action occurs in the middle or what happens to the anomalous trucks or anything. So yea, check out what I've called "Alternate Ending BRAVO" in the Plot notes and tell me what you think.

I think Ending Z is the best way to go, the twist might actually help out the article a lot, as I don't see concepts of criminals and rogue agents of the UIU working together. So I pick that one.

Ok yes, we'll pursue this angle. This will greatly influence the way we write these guys now; since they aren't real UIU Agents, but thieves who are simply acting a role. But I think it will be a net benefit for us to have this plot point up our sleeves. The Part Z follows from the Part Y in that writeup, it's just that there's no concrete Part X for it to come out of yet; so we have a start, and a concept of a finish, and we need to connect the dots between.

On the Slate and McCormick characters now: if they seem antagonistic or stand-offish against the Skippers in conversation, if they seem to be stalling or not actually offering much info themselves (something they accidentally let slip and Polk/Rod pick up on would be good tho), if they do things that ""accidentally"" let one of the trucks get away with the loot… all that can be seen as logical in hindsight, but it has to be subtle too on a first glance like. I think I have some thoughts on how to implement this, but it'll probably have to come in after we complete the broad strokes of what action happens in the middle.

So I think we need most right now an action sequence that: gets all our Agents characters from the diner (Scene3) to an engagement against the Heist Crew somewhere, wherein they go taking down maybe all but one of those trucks (the one loaded with the loot gets away, of course), to also arresting and taking in the anartist human boy whom they later interrogate. That conversation may fill in any gaps in the action too, if it needs to.

Sorry, I was busy with college stuff. I'll reply tomorrow morning.

Edit: Yeah, if the UiU agents are going to be bad, I think we should make it subtle like that. We'll have to rework the dialogue but that is part of the deal. How about we get to the anartist's part when the agents have taken down DUSTER, DIVA-SCENT and STAKE in that order? Then the agents can go to a place where they'll encounter BEARD, TWO-PAIRS and the anartist, and only TWO-PAIRS escapes because SPIKE causes a huge distraction.

I'll work on Scene 4 soon but what do you imagine the anartist being like?

Also, hey Boogey. I'm trying to access scp help chat but I cannot access by username of Nickthebrick1 because the system says its a registered username despite the fact that I already own it. Do you know how I can get my password so I can enter it correctly?

Re: The chat thing - I think with the new IRC network there's this feature where if you don't complete the Identify command to NickServ within, like, 30 seconds then it changes your name to Guest(number) instead. Depending which platform you're using I'm not sure how difficult it is to make it let you switch back to your name and sign in (maybe refresh the page, or close/open the app, or something?)

Story-wise, I think it might be better if we can pack all the Squad-busting into one event. Like… all four Agents go to the base of operations; the UIU guys be like "you skippers go in that way, we'll cover the back door" or something; the skippers go in and most of the Crew gets taken down; the UIU guys be like "aw darn, that one truck got past us", but the human anartist is caught at the location. And then from there we tie up the ending.

I'd say, for the anartist character, we want them on the surface to seem harmless and non-threatening; so it's believable to Polk and Rodney that they just got caught up in this scheme and used for their ability, rather than actually being one of the main conspirators.

Sounds like a plot that'll work well. I'll get to work on Scene 4 tomorrow and we'll go on from there.

Hey I added some stuff to Scene 4, any thoughts?

Ok ya, the material there with DUSTER's thoughts is workable. I'd like to maybe reframe it more like a flashback in his head, so it'll fulfill our Crew-showcasing scene better; and then he can snap out of it and segue to what you have happening next. I am doing some thinking on that conversation bit, and should be able to put something together. Maybe just a few lines or exchanges to start, but I'll transfer it in when I can.

Another thing I have been pondering is potentially splitting this story up. It's shaping up now to be a kinda long 3 Act story, but maybe it could work in a 3-part Tale series? Like say… Part One would be our Scenes 1 and 2 so far, Part Two probably our Scenes 3 and 4 coming up, and then our Ending Scene segment as a final Tale of its own. This might depend on the writing we do in the stretch from here to the ending. But we could maybe frame up that Part One as its own thing and get preliminary eyes on the first third of our story? Actually, I keep forgetting about updating our Idea Forum thread too (that it is now a Tale, etc), maybe we should do that? If you think so, let me know and we can work out a post to add.

Yeah… we probably should update that forum post. Frame it as an tale and perhaps invite some critters to see Scene's 1 and 2 so far. Also we should explain the entire plot regarding no dumps, the uiu/anartists and what not. I would do it myself if I can find the forum post again, and figure out how to rephrase our new plot. How to you think we should go about the inviting people to crit and posting of Act 1?

But regarding Scene 4, what ideas to you have cooked up. What flashback do you have in mind and with regards to the fight scene between DUSTER and the agents? Do you think we should have it connect under SCP-4601 in someway so we can put it one the series 5 tale main list? Maybe a little reference somewhere in Scene's 1 or 2? We'll get more attention that way if it's on the mainlist.

We'd just have to copy our first scenes from the tabs there and put them somewhere so they're easily presentable (like, we don't need to explain "read this and this, ignore that bit, etc."). So either right at the top of the page here, or in a different sandbox. I'll try and get at updating that forum thread too.

For Scene 4 - I liked your idea about a scene with just dialogue from the Crew, so want to play it that way maybe. But basically just taking what DUSTER thinking to himself about and showing rather than telling. A few asides for the other characters, but ultimately I guess a personal talk between DUSTER and BEARD. As for the Agents, I don't know… We have our start written, and our ending planned - we are building a bridge from both ends, and have to find our way to make it connect in the middle. Keep in mind things like that the UIU guys should actually not want the Crew to be caught and it gets a bit trickier even.

Speaking of a possible 4601 connection did give me an idea, though it wouldn't really come up until the talk with the anartist at the end. He might say that 4601 was one of his early experiments that got out of hand; he didn't plan much beyond just making the truck alive, so it took on a persona all its own. He learned that in order to make his subjects manageable he had to give them a stable personality, a backstory, memories. It's a major point in stuff like Blade Runner and Westworld for example; we could implement the idea here a little too. So none of this Crew have really been stealing things together for years, that was a lie - a fake story the anartist put in their heads to make them do what they're doing now. It would explain why they might talk about a history together that doesn't make sense. But ya, that wouldn't really come out until close to the end.

Those points with DUSTER and the 4601 connection sound awesome. Let's incorporate it into our story when the time is right.

In the meantime we should focus on updating our elevator pitch and posting Act 1. Do you want to the honors of either or do you want to split the tasks between us?

Ok, I copied Act I to the space at the top of the page (did it on my phone, so hopefully no mistakes). I looked back at the Ideas thread, but wasn't sure what to say; seems like these critters want a to know more about the plot in smaller steps. Maybe we can adapt and expand on some plot notes to show them what we're planning..

That sounds like a great plan. What do you have in mind with re-phrasing our post and who to invite?

If the forum post doesn't work out, we'll always have IRC.

Yeah, I can try and express our plot summary with a balance of detail and succinctness. Probably those same initial reviewers might be good to get at for starters, once the update post is made. And, as far as anyone from IRC giving our Act I here a read as-it-is, that'd be cool too.

E: Got something down on the Plotline tab, should do for an update, once we get it in.

Saw the plotline tab, I liked how concise it was and I think we'll get our story across to the reviewers without trouble. I think we should also make it very clear that this tale will split into three parts. Have we begun to invite them to our revised thread or do we need to get ahead of that?

Also, is there anything you want me to do in the meantime? Like do you want me to write out Scene 4 as you get the reviewers to read the new thread or something?

Ok, I put the update bump on our thread. I might nudge a critter or two in Chat, if I have a chance. (tbc)

Okay. Good plan. Do you want me to write out Scene 4 in the meantime till then when we final post the first act?

Hmm… it might be good to get feedback on what we've got so far before drafting too much further just yet, I feel like. I know there are bound to be a couple issues that any critter will point out (some less-than-polished dialogue, inconsistent past/present-tense in a couple spots); but maybe any "overall" kinda comments that go with it might be useful too. We should get some initial feedback on it now, I think; but give it a good edit before putting it up in Drafts Forum or anything. If you have ideas in mind for how Scene 4 will play out though then ya, you could go ahead and write them down.

E: I accidentally left our Discussion section split in two tabs yesterday; I moved your comment below to where I believe it should be at the bottom. Sorry if you didn't see my last message because of that, or for any other confusion.

Alright. I'll get to writing Scene 4 tomorrow and see what can of a scene I can cook up. Can you let me know how those critting of our new revised thread has been going?

I added some more to Scene 4 and demonstrated some of it's abilities. Think it fits with the story? Also, have we gotten any feedback yet with ACT 1?

Hey Boogey, this is separate from the tale but I just wanted to tell you that I created another SCP with someone. You can check it out when you have the time

SCP-5583

Quick update: I have got done zero progress at all on this in the past work (Sorry!). I'll prob try to polish up Act1 this weekend, and/or maybe to rewrite Scene3; but no new feedback gotten on my end.

(I did take a quick peek at your SCP there. Seems like a fun idea, I'll maybe shoot you some crit on it when I have a chance to read it all more thoroughly like)

Alright, I think a little bit of polishing won't hurt. The rewrite may be a little tricky at first. I believe after we polish it, we should just post and see what happens. If we got any negative feedback we can fix as we go. That or try Critters on irc again. You fine with that?

On glad you liked the scp so far, me and another person spent alot on there. We were worried we'd wouldn't get any ground.

Cool. Yeah, I'm fine with trying that "lukewarm-post" strategy for this if we don't get much more feedback in the near future. For your other SCP there - I believe I saw a comment saying that it was a decent idea a bit bogged down by execution in a couple spots, and I think I mainly agree with that; good to see it sticking though! I'll ttyl

Sorry I didn't respond earlier, my new job was kind of demanding yesterday. But anyway, glad you liked it. I'll continue on Scene 4 when I can. Hopefully this "Lukewarm strategy of yours goes well."

Quick Update: got a bit of crit in chat. pasted way down at bottom tabs.

Good think everything's working so far, but I agree with that guy, that last line is so corny. I'm going to change it to Rodney saying crap because it's a bit more realistic if you don't mind.

Okay, so lately I've gotten a couple more people to look at the Act 1 draft. It was pretty positive, but still no experienced users/authors have looked yet, i don't think. I also dug into the Scene 3 tab a bit - just getting some main plot beats down for now, will fill in dialog tags and actions more later.

Alright. That's good to hear. I'll add more to Scene 4 this weekend.

Can I ask what you have in mind for Scene 4? Remember we need to get from where the story is at now to progress into the ending we've planned. Having DUSTER going all super saiyan on the guys and them calling in reinforcements feels pretty over-the-top compared to the other action so far; and I'm not sure how/if it's going to produce the situation we need to set up.

E: Got one more set of eyes on the Act 1 draft; and Scene 3 is now still unpolished but mostly complete. (I'm maybe turned up the comedy a bit in the rough drafting, but if it's too much we can adjust.)

Sorry for taking too long to respond, I had full-time at my job today. For scene 4 I thought I would do some characterization of duster and have their be a little scuffle/chase with the vehicle before it was captured by the agents. My idea was that he tried to flee to area then resorted into shooting small miniature swirling dust tornados to get the agents off his trail. With the climax being Rodney going in the fray and paralyzes the streetsweeper by turning off the ignition.

But if you think that's over the top, do you have suggestions for what I have going for scene 4? Maybe they don't chase the vehicle but Duster tries to defeat the agents by blowing dust at them or something?

Also, can we edit the last line of act 1 with instead the 4 agents say oh crap it's just Rodney? It'll be more realistic.

But I'm asking about how that slots into the big picture plot: what does the DUSTER encounter provide that advances the story; how does it move our characters one step closer to the setup we want them in for the ending? Suppose they go and win their boss fight with DUSTER, what will they learn that gets them to go to the Heist Crew's headquarters and capture the Anartist for the finale? There has to be a purpose for what they're doing, and they have to be propelled into the Third Act in the way that the story demands.

I think we need to think out scene 4 for a sec. For progressing the story, what if he had a walkie talkie and a map with sections of the city circled. He has this in his seat so he can read it. Maybe even a diary? If they defeat the sweeper and get their hands on that info, it would help them. That sound more pleasing to the story?

Ah ha! Yes, something like that is just what we need. Some kinda clue or evidence they can pull off DUSTER that will point them to the hideout. I think we'll have to go with some previously installed GPS LoJack kinda program dealy, to be most logical (a truck can't really write with a pen or anything); the Agents hack it and check the trip history or whatev, see that it's been returning to one central spot each day, and decide that must be the place. Yes, this will work, I think.

Also to bear in mind: the Feds are actually bad guys in on the heist. While #1 is to not blow their cover, they also can't seem to forthcoming or eager to actually help stop DUSTER or find the hideout; they have to be kinda dragged along by Polk and Rod who do the real heroics. I tried putting a bit of that into their attitudes and dialogue in Scene 3, a little foreshadowing. First they try to just make the Skippers leave it alone, but once they hear Rodney sounding like he's getting close to the truth on his own they think 'better to try and keep tabs this guy' -so they have to keep tagging along through Scene 4.

Did you read the revised Scene 3 bit yet? It still leads to everyone running outside to catch up with DUSTER so it should be easy to transition. Let me know if you have any other thoughts or opinions.

Okay, I've added some dialogue to Scene 4 that is not overly over the top. What do you think so far, can we make it work? I'm keeping in what you said in the post before and I think this segment will emphasize those points.

I like the revised Scene 3, but do you think the part where they'd spot the sweeper was too abrupt? or maybe since they'd know what to look for they're going into gear?

Alright, nice. Yeah, I think that's shaping up to be some workable material. Maybe the last part of Scene 3 there does go by a bit fast, we'll see if anyone mentions that pacing in critique. I finally feel like we've got something of a path mapped from start to finish on this whole story now, so that's good.

I think maybe we can go ahead and make a thread in Drafts Forum, to try and get a line-by-line on our Act 1 for nitpicking at punctuation and grammar. If we put it up now, we can work Scene 4 and maybe get into Scene 5 while we wait for replies. One of the suggestions on Act 1 from chat was to put in a little bit of physical description for Polk and Rodney; do you have idea of what either should look like? There's plenty of dialogue tags about their food in that first scene, it's just a matter of changing one or two to mention a couple of their own features instead. Otherwise I feel like Act 1 is pretty set to go.

Yeah I agree with you, I think we should either update the thread we already made or make a complete new one. I suppose we can pm the same people we did before and see how'd they react to it. I think this time will be better though.

I think ACT 1 is ready to go too. But I feel like the last sentence or two should have Rodney saying "Ah crap" rather than all the 4 agents, It'll be less corny if we do it that way.

As for Polk and Rodney, well I never made their appearance a huge deal to their characters, but to tell them apart, Polk is plump, Rodney is thin. That's how I use to separate the two.

Our old thread is on Ideas Forum. We need a new post in Drafts Forum to get our actual draft looked at. For the end of Act 1, personally I didn't think it was all that bad - but if you feel like it's too exaggerated… I changed it to everyone thinking it instead of saying it together; I kind of still want to get across that nobody there is happy to see the other guys, it's not just our boys who are busted / in for trouble now.

Alright, since Act 1 is complete, let's post that thread. Are you going to do it or do you want me to handle it this time?

I quickly wrote out a rough version of what our Draft Forum post should probably say, it's under a Tab marked Feedback. I can prob post it some time tomorrow, unless you get to it sooner (post a link to it here on the sandbox if you do).

Sure, if I have enough time today after work then sure. But shouldn't we explain what the tale is about in the forum post or are we going to just show them the first act and they'll understand bit by bit?

Also, when and how are going to structure the intermission scenes for the vehicles themselves? For example, is the part with STAKE & SPIKE talking after escaping going to be at the beginning of act 2?

Ok yeah, good point. Hold off on posting that then, I will expand on it more and put it up later. Also yeah, I almost forgot but we should try getting in more of those snippets of the Crew; the start of Act 2 is probably a good place to do that for S&S like you said. We'll have to get started on those bits too.

I think the plan for now is to post ACT 1 when we can, put scene 4 and 3 on hold as we work on the interlude. Do you have an idea on how the scene with S&S will play out? Dialogue choices?

Not quite sure about the exact lines, but probably something like I think you mentioned before, where they talk excitedly about flipping the car and taking off with their "loot" and stuff. And perhaps DIVA should be there with them too, to provide another voice for the scene. I think maybe if we can present all their segment in just spoken dialogue (maybe colour coded to identify speakers) that might be neat. But don't get too hung up on it for now - we just need to forge a rough frame at first for how this little conversation by the Crew might go.

E: Forum thread posted now.

Yeah, I think you're right. I believe the interlude itself will be easier to brainstorm than the scenes. We'll take care of that eventually. As for the thread post, I can see there is only one guy that left a review. Have we sent enough invites to other BS? If not we have to get behind that, unless you already did, in that case we'll have to wait and see.

I haven't messaged anyone for the draft thread. I wanted to try and make use of some of this first reviewer's crit before that (just did a quick run-through edit now, so I think some of those points are addressed some). Maybe Act 1 is just about fit to post; could perhaps do with another look or two, but I dunno.

I do want to actually have more progress on the Act 2 and Act 3 segments down before posting Act 1 to mainsite though. What's the scoop on our progress there - any rough draft ideas for the STAKE & SPIKE aside, or for the Agents vs. DUSTER encounter? Or maybe any further feedback in chat about our thing?

Hold on, I got work today, I'll let you know my thoughts after my shift.

Edit: I think for the interlude, we can see Stake and Spike enthusiastic that they gave the foundation guys (they think they're chumps) the slip. They talk more and we get to see more of their personality. then a little more info on their operation but only a little. We can head it off where a guy is "making out" with Diva Scent and she comes by to be playfully sarcastic and tells them to get back to work.

For the fight scene with Duster, I'm thinking that the skipper agents try to sneak to the sweeper, and when that doesn't work, Duster tries to manipulate it's dust and attack the agents with Rodney slipping into the driver seat, shutting of the engine to subdue Duster. Then they find the evidence on the adjacent seat whiles the people who were supposed to deliver the car come by. The foundation agents gather the evidence and get in the car. They tell the UIU guys to come along or do their on thing before they investigate the info on the documents. The UIU agents realized that the best thing for them to do is for them to follow them in hopes they can throw them off.

And I guess those same people who brought in the car brings Duster into custody. I'll be writing more to Scene 4 on Wednesday. So what do you of these ideas?

I've added a plausible paragraph on how the agents and the sweeper began fighting. I also added the physical description of Slate having a scar around his chin to make him appear different from the other agents.

Ok yeah, that's the plan. I put a note on that tab there with an idea I had, but mostly just looking out for how it'll wrap up. If we really don't have any ideas for that action, I'm just gonna write Agent Rodney parkours up some construction scaffolding then leaps onto the roof while screaming "Banzai!" or something that we can replace later. But I'd like us to get ahead to storyboarding out Act 3, not be hung up on polishing/perfecting Act 2 before that.

Ok, I'll get to work on Scene 4 very soon. And I agree with you, let's plan act 3 out, I have an idea of how we should do it, and I believe I left my notes somewhere here. But I know it on the top of my head. Out of curiosity, what are your ideas for act 3?

Alright, that sounds good. The stuff under Alternative Ending BRAVO on the 'Plotline' tab below is my basic outline for how I see the ending playing out. Some stuff on that tab will be altered/updated, or some elements blended together maybe; but that's basically the framework for it. If we get up and going these asides where it's just the Crew Trucks talking to each other, I think we should put one of them in at the beginning of Act 3 - showing the Crew just before the Skippers charge in and the takedown happens.

Alright, sounds like a plan. I'll be busy Wed and Thur, but I'll have plenty of time Fri and Sat to make some more edits.

When you get to writing, I think it'd may be best for you to focus your efforts on creating the segments where the Crew members talk to each other; or maybe beginning the Agents action in Act 3. Those parts of the story still need trailblazing. I'm going to get down to revising Scene 4 soon, and we'll see about how long Act 2 might end up (Act 1 is ~1700 words as of right now, I believe).

Also, what do you think about Titles for each page? We could do the same "Title: Part 1" then 2 and 3; or a different name for each one. Opinions on any of the ones at the top? Most are takes on titles of other heist films, or we could try and come up with some original ones.

I like the idea of making title references to actual heist films. I think that's visually pleasing than just renaming it act one, two, three etc.

And if you think of me focusing my efforts on act 3 or the interludes, then I have no problems with that. I just finished up the talk between STAKE & SPIKE in the intermission tab. What do you think of it?

Okay, cool. So for the titles it'll mostly just be a matter of picking a fitting choice for each installment. I've divided Act 2 up a bit more, now across tabs Scene 3.1, Scene 3.2, Scene 4.1, and Scene 4.2 - 3.2 and 4.2 are the segments with the Agents, and those are probably decent enough to serve as placeholders for now. 3.1 and 4.1 will be for the Heist Crew characters, but those still need a bit more developing. On the other hand, Act 2 is currently shaping up to be over 2000 words long, so maybe the best thing would be if we can boil down those X.1 segments, rather than bulk them up.

As we get down to the finale in Act 3, I feel like we'll need one more segment from the Heist Crew POV - taking place just before the takedown. Maybe there's some concern about DUSTER having just gone off their radar, some typical "I got a bad feeling about this" kinda back-and-forth, but we can only let one truck escape in the end. As for the Agents part in the takedown… I'll look to tackle that a bit later this week.

That sounds on point. Good to see we're making a lot of progress. So what do you want me to work on in the meantime? Act 3 with the agents meeting diva and the second encounter with S&S? Or more dialogue between the trucks?

Yes, I'm feeling the creative momentum as it's all coming together toward the end. I think it will be most helpful next if you could do a rough draft up of the Heist Crew talking together for Act 3, on the tab Scene 5.1. It should have everyone there talking, except DUSTER; maybe it takes place in the minutes just before Polk and Rodney storm in; just some brief exchanges that help express character.

Between that though, and getting the Agents to the Hideout, and the takedown, and interrogating the anartist, and then wrapping it up with the reveal and the ending… Act 3 might go long, unless we can dictate pace well in a small wordcount. Well, let's just worry about writing our way through first, then see where that takes us.

So we're ditching the idea of Stake dying and stuff? Alright. So most of the crew there will be talking about how the heist is going so far but they feel a bad omen when Duster hasn't returned and think of the worst then the fight happens? Alright. I'll have to think about but I'll get to work on it probably Wednesday. You got any other recommendations for how that scene plays out other than TWO-Pairs escaping? Is that mastermind gonna be there talking to the vehicles?

I just added stuff to act 3. What do you think of the opening?

Do you want me to add more to act 3 or wait for you? Should we work more on the diner scene?

Hey, sorry I made some quick updates on content but didn't update the discussion here. So yeah, the Scene 5 stuff is an okay start. I honestly don't know how Polk and Rodney alone are supposed to storm in and actually win against all the anomalous trucks and the human guy - I don't necessarily want to just gloss over it, but it could be a hassle to figure out. Maybe because they are all stuck inside the garage / warehouse, they can be trapped if Rod & Polk seal all the doors? Hmm… may need some thinking on.

Aside from that hurdle, maybe you'd be up to forging the Scene 6.1 where the Agents will talk to the suspect. I noted a couple of the talking points for them to get across before the interview ends and our "Feds" take him away in handcuffs (just for show). Also, wrangling another reply or two on our Draft Forum thread might not be a bad idea; I've tried a bit in chat, b

Alright, I'll get start on that tomorrow. Also, for the warehouse part. I was thinking of Rodney and Polk being accompanied by back-up since by now I would imagine they would have called it in. I wasn't planning on them going by themselves.

Well that could be a sticking point… My view was that they would be kept from calling any backup until it's too late. Part of why I've been angling to keep our protagonists constantly in frantic motion, working alone and adapting on the fly, is plot-relevant suspension of disbelief in the big picture. The Heist Crew crooks are supposed to pull one over on the Skippers and get away in the end. If that's done with a clever con and through subtle manipulation of our Agents before they can fully grasp what's happened, that makes a good caper. If they have the chance at some point to pause and catch their breath / report everything that's happening and call for help, they start looking foolish for not connecting the dots before it's too late. That all this additional oversight from Headquarters comes to bear on the situation, and still nobody in the picture at that point asks any questions that would reveal the deception - that's an incompetent portrayal, and it negates the impressiveness of pulling off the caper. So we need to keep the pace up, and force Polk and Rodney to see this through to the end on their own.

I see, that makes sense. So if we can't have backup during the warehouse or until near the end of the story, what do we do for the confrontation that leads with nearly most of the crew getting captured?

Boogey, I can't add anymore this sandbox has nearly reach the limit in word count

Wow, wild. Okay, I'll erase some of the older/outdated working notes to free up space. There's also some spots where I edited sections but left the original text instead of overwriting it; those can probably go too, eventually. Maybe even some of our old old exchanges here on the Discussion tab, if we don't need to look back on them.

E: Or we could make yet another sandbox - put our "completed" drafts there to show people for crit, and then use this one all for archiving working notes. I never expected this would take so long or become such an epic, but it seems we may need it. (?)

I'm fine with either idea, but I think having another sandbox would make it easier for people to critt I guess. As long as we get the work done somehow.

Edit: Okay I added some stuff to 6.1. I'm trying to figure out how to phrase it and make the sentence to where Slate accidently slips how he knew DIVA. Is it a good start?

Alright, let's maybe get a showroom sandbox going soon. Don't worry about making the Feds slip about DIVA or that stuff, more on characterizing this new Finch guy through a quick version of the interrogation that's gonna come. I'll try and write out a rough version of what I have in mind for the end of that part, so we can connect them after.

E: I revised Scene 3.1 - made a shorter version that uses that 'coloured text / dialogue only' gimmick we talked about way back earlier. I'm thinking of trying to do the same for Scene 4.1 (it would be a flashback, it could feature the whole crew together at their hideout), but I'll have to check where the wordcount is up to on our Act 2. We'll soon be putting all our focus on writing Act 3, I think. And then getting critique on the whole big story.

Ok, I saw scene 3.1 and I liked the dialogue, but are we going to have the colored text as it is, or are we going to specify which character is which? And I think we should review Act 2 together before doing ACT 3. As well as getting the critique.

I also added more dialogue to Scene 6.1

Ok, cool. For the coloured text part, I kinda prefer it with just colours instead of a name on each line. In this conversation, having pink for girly DIVA feels intuitive enough, and then STAKE and SPIKE each have a line where they specifically say who they are (plus a couple other lines that indicate the forklift is in blue), so I feel like the readers will be able to clue in.

I went and made us this for a Showroom Sandbox - it's got just the stuff from here that I think is pretty much completed / fit for critique. I think our Act 2 segment is now sitting at ~1500 words, so we probably do have room for another little Heist Crew insert right before the DUSTER takedown if we want to. It'd mostly be a matter of taking DUSTER's thoughts in Scene 4.1 and unpacking it to show the conversation more as it all happened like.

Getting more critique on our Drafts thread would probably be good too. I keep meaning to get at a Butterfly or two in #thecritters but I'm always on at night when they aren't hanging around.

E: Made a bit of headway on Got done a rough version of a 4.1 crew insert; I think it came together ok, maybe even lay a bit of emotional track. Though now seeing all of them together, I think we'll need to ensure each colour is both readable on-screen and distinct enough from the others.

Yeah the rough version of the version looks straight, but maybe we should use more contrasting colors to make the crew different from each other. Maybe stick to the colors of the rainbow instead. But the dialogue is on point and I like it so far. But maybe we should make it clear to the reader which color belongs to who.

I'll be adding some stuff to Scene 6 tomorrow. I would have done so today but I was working all day long. I'll try to write up as much as I can and fly it by you. I think we might get this finished by the end of the month if we focus hard enough. I'm feeling it

Also I had to delete more of the earlier discussions because we reached the word limit again.

My other concern is readability on the page. Like, yellow doesn't show up very well (though there's a 'gold' which might be passable). I'm experimenting with what different shades are available using the simple in-line code; I kinda like the idea of S&S being two shades of the same colour, to highlight their duo nature. We'll have to ask reviewers if they have difficulty following along when we get the crit.

Yeah, maybe getting feedback on the color would be the best bet. Hey Boogey, I made more for scene 6.1 but I'm having writers block. Do you think I can get working on Scene 6.2 in the meantime?

Totally! If you've got ideas and are up to pave the way, then go ahead and write it up.

E: This feels a bit silly, after I literally just said to ahead with it. But maybe we should take a sec to discuss what you have in mind for Scene 6.2? This latest material seems to be introducing a whole new conflict to the picture / setting up TWO-PAIRS to lead a rescue of the captured crew (or have a falling out with the human crooks). This final Act has to be all about finishing off the story and wrapping up loose ends, I don't think we have space to be presenting new problems that the reader might expect a resolution to.

Oh sorry for the misconception of 6.2 it's not finished yet, but I wanted to insinuate the idea that Two-Pairs was upset that all his friends got captured and that since they got more treasure than they needed, they were going to use that spare treasure to bust them out. A sort of opened ended resolution.

But yeah, we should talk about 6.2. What was your vision for that scene?

The way I see it so far (and although these are on different tabs here, they'll all fuse together into Act 3 for the final draft): the crooks all walk away at the end of 6.1, and that's maybe the last they're ever heard of; 6.2 is just about Polk and Rodney (belatedly) connecting the dots, based on every breadcrumb we've left throughout the story so far. This on top of 5.1 and 5.2 will probably already put us over 2000 words for this chapter if we aren't wary of it. However, I do realize that an ending line which gives a good gutpunch to the reader will really drive home the experience, so drawing it all down to a 'wham' finisher will be something to think about before it's all over.

Maybe right now we should get more eyes on the first parts of the story. I updated the first Drafts Forum thread to link to the other more nicely-presented sandbox, but we need more eyes on there still. I think I posting a second fresh thread for Act 2 will be okay to do, so we can get that up soon too. Could you maybe see about nudging a critter or two toward that first thread for now?

Sure thing. Which link specifically and which critters do you recommend?

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13878740/tale-mtf-agents-investigate-an-anomaly

That's where our first Draft Forum thread is. I reckon anyone on the Butterfly list who's not listed unavailable and "Will Crit: Tales" should do. I suppose our story has elements of action and comedy, and a somewhat absurd anomaly in the picture - for reviewers who like those type of aspects.

I contacted three BS members, so all we have to do is wait I guess. Still want me to work on 6.2 in the meantime?

Killer! I appreciate that, thanks. As for filling in the final gaps on Act 3… I don't want to necessarily say "Don't you write any more content for it"; but in a way I also feel like the heavy lifting on ideation is done and it's just a matter of changing rough plot beats into properly written/drafted content. And - absolutely not meaning to negate your role in our partnership in any way - but I feel like these last steps are part of the workload that I should be more responsible for. Like, if that's the thing I can bring to the table, I want to contribute my share. So… well, I think I have an idea of how these last parts will come to fit together in the end; hopefully I will muster both the time and motivation to lay it all down over this weekend. So unless there are any other questions/comments/concerns on your end, I reckon for now keeping an eye out for the feedback is good enough.

Sure thing! Thanks for letting me know of your concerns. I'll take a backseat if you want to "do more of the heavy lifting". You made good contributions but if you feel like you need to do more, then I have no problems with it. So what exactly are you gonna be tacking now?

I also had to cut more discussion.

All good. I think I solved the problem of how to make the takedown happen; so just need to fill in the gaps in Act 3 with placeholders, then with final draft writing. Also, who are the Butterflies you contacted?

I've contacted caspian2 Dyslexion and Jacob Conwell

Okay, noted. Haven't seen even a placeholder on the thread yet, but I guess a couple of those have Medium-Long wait times.

Hey Boogey, one of the critters I messaged finally responded. What do you think of his critisim?

I saw that, yeah. Conwell is a veteran of the site, I'd expect them to be tough to impress. But this highlights the fact that we are counting on selling a smaller, resource-limited Foundation in our setting; which, granted, doesn't necessarily play for all readers. It's a bit pointed at times, but I'm not too concerned. We'll still find an audience for it, I'm sure. The next step may be a Crit Forum thread for Act 2? Also for me to get on with Act 3, but I think a bit of feedback on 2 might be useful for that.

Sounds good. So do you think we're fine on criticism on act 1? What else should we handle?

Yeah, I think that Act 1 will hold it's own as it stands. I'm digging into Act 3 some more now (on the other sandbox, since this one's sitting near the character limit), and I'll post a Crit Forum thread dedicated to Act 2 feedback too. I'm sorry for the way this project is taking so long to finish off, but it should be worth it in the end.

Yeah, this collab has been through development hell, but I think it'll be worth it in the end. I know you said that you want to take a majority of the work from now on, but is there anything you want me to do? Or do you prefer me to stay on the sidelines for now as you get stuff done?

Hey, sorry I haven't gotten much done this past week or so (I did post in the Drafts Forum a thread for our Act 2, so there's that). I think I actually may need more of your help in writing Act 3 after all. I've got the big picture idea in mind and trying to split major beats into smaller segments and keep expand / elaborate them, but then putting it into writing even for a base rough draft - for some reason I struggle with this one step in writing process. So, if under any of the unwritten plot beat descriptions on the other page's Act 3 section, you're up to provide some content - that'd be cool. Otherwise, maybe just getting more feedback on our first two parts will be good to do in the meantime; either on the forum posts, or try in #thecritters even just for basic "I like it / I don't get it" or "I would upvote/downvote" opinions - I think that would be good.

Alright, sorry for the wait. I'll be sure to write more stuff for act 3 to which you'll edit. I'll prioritize that but I'll be sure to get more feedback from the critters. So what problem are you facing specifically with ACT 3?

Let's say the interview with the anartist, to start with. I do quite like a few of the beats your version here hits in it. But if you could cross-reference it to the notes I put down for that scene in the other sandbox and then maybe rewrite it some (just insert a few of the plot-critical details, in place of lines that could be dropped), that should help. I'm also still struggling a but to map out the "tactical-practical" of the bust sequence, but I think with some bits I plugged in today that it'll be surmountable (of course, any input of yours is welcome on that front too).

I've added the cross-links into the interrogation, what do you think?

Nice work, thanks for cleaning up the sandbox here. There's gonna be more different scenes / transitions in this final Act than the others, so there's more tabs there now. We just need to keep breaking these larger plot beats down, making sure everything fits together smoothly, and then polishing it into a final draft.

I added the tab box with the Plot Summary at the top of the page; trying to make it so reviewers can more easily see and possibly help out with sorting the big picture. (It might be worth while to copy our last few messages from wikidot PMs to here too)

I just put down an altered version of 6.2 - still some placeholders for TWO-PAIRS bits, but I think the Skippers convo glosses over the lack of backup decently. Hopefully more to come soon.

Agh! I had written out, like, half of Scene 6.3 all nice, and then lost it to stupid wikidot not saving; very frustrating! Anyway, I've tried to quickly redo it, but I dunno if it's as good as I feel that first version was - will need much more polishing later on, I reckon.

Also managed to get a rough version of Scene 7.1 down now. I feel like something for a conclusion in a 7.2 scene will be needed, but I've got an idea in mind. So check that tab out too, when you get a chance.

YAHOO! Finally (here in April, fully eight months after this sandbox was first made), we have got the whole story in the can!

I got out a version for Scene 6.1 there, and also tuned up some of the placeholders elsewhere (check on the linked Showroom sandbox, I think that's the most polished of everything). So Act 3 is still a little rough in spots (also 3000 words long! Eee! lol) but we have seen our Junkers saga through to the end. I am really proud of us for what we've accomplished here. Cheers!

…

QQQQ

To lay out ideas, working details, and other stuff.

Links

Other sandboxes

Relevant forum threads

Pictures: Dump Truck: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Customized_Hino_Ranger_Dump_Trucks_For_Sale_in_Thailand_04.jpg

Street Sweeper: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Johnston_C400_street_sweeper_in_Moscow.jpg

Trash Can: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2009-02-15_Blue_on_yellow_trash_can.jpg

Research

Setting

Large urban city
- Sanitation Workers/Waste Management Union is currently on strike.

(Have the time of day being night would make the heist more fun setting wise)

Plot (Basics)

The SCP Crew see themselves as a veteran team of thieves.
They are going to take advantage of the union strike / condition of the city in order to pull off the biggest heist of their careers.
The heist will take place at midnight. The scp crew is going to plan the heist together but they all have their individual roles. I don't think we should explain the plan step by step for brevity sake but we should put a spotlight on what each member is doing. Then perhaps the reader can get the picture

Trash Can (Code name: Scent) Will first move around the city to influence people to move trash for her and look the other way. Will also use her ability to gather information with her persuasion

Fork Lift (Code name: Spike) Is super strong and will help Flat Bed Truck in picking up trash.

Flat Bed Truck (Code name: Streak) Has super speed (I've been thinking of having its speed be a force of temporal manipulation) and drag it back as drop off locations. Has Forklift helping it

Street Sweeper (Code name: Dust) Is the brains of the group and should be mentioned that he planned the heist in the article. It will go around the city sucking up dust and litter on the floor. It can use the dust it collected to destroy any security camera (by getting through the frame and messing the wires) and act as a smokescreen to get away. In-universe, is considered the weakest member of the group power-wise

Dump Truck (Code name: Two) Will go around the city and flatten trash 2 dimensionally with the use of its wheels and stack them on the back of truck. It's flattening power also works if it intentionally runs into something like a house or something. It can run it over and make it flat.

Garbage Truck (Code name: Rust Beard) Will go to the designated drop off locations and convert the trash into treasure.

The human mastermind will masquerade as a drunk homeless man, picking up trash if he sees it and helping out his crew members if he can without exposing his identify.

I should also mention that there are dummies in the vehicles to trick nearby people that it is being driven. And that they will try not to use their abilities if people are watching.

Potential Ideas/Bits

Law Enforcement somehow picks up on part of the scheme (but not the fact that it's anomalous) - their impression is that it could be related to organized crime / racketeering.
- Possibly a viable way for the Foundation to get the situation on their radar in the first place? Embedded agent in the police force thinks there's something suspicious about the case, and reports it to the Foundation.

The role of "The Fence" - A nefarious garbage scow. A very shady/mysterious type; they promise payment (of some kind that would appeal to the Crew) in exchange for enough trash to load the barge up so he can take it offshore.
- Though this kinda just shifts the question to why the scow wants the trash…
- Maybe he double-crosses the Crew, and really just plans to dump the trash into the ocean? Still chasing a real reason for why he'd want to do that though…
- (That or we could make the garbage truck the mastermind, whose has the ability to convert trash into treasure?)

Current Issues To Address

Motive
- How does the SCP Crew imagine that they profit from getting all the garbage?
  - "One man's trash is another man's treasure." One man has a way of turning literal trash into treasure. He's made this garbage truck into his tool for the job.
- What would they want to do after pulling off the job, if they got away with it?

Portrayal
- As a SCP Document, we must write from the Foundation's perspective of the situation and events.
- We may be limited in the ways we can portray our Crew and their interactions because of this. (Nickthebrick1: True, but we could get the crew's perspective through interviews, MTF's and possible a recorded video of them making their plan.)

Plot (Heist Beats)

Diversion / Misdirection / Coercion
- Something to distract authorities / ensure the Crew can operate where they need to without interference.
- Trash can somehow tricks people into assisting / stacking trash on pallets for the forklift and deck truck to collect easily.
  - "Witnesses stated that they were drawn by posts on a social media platform, calling for a citizen effort to manage the litter piling up in the streets."
  - "Interviewed guy: Apparently lots of seniors live in this neighbourhood, I guess? This chick from the post online said how there's so much trash on the sidewalk that her grandma can't walk to get groceries and stuff; but volunteers should come down and help sweep a bunch of it to one side - to help all the old folks in the buildings, y'know?"

Getting The Loot
- The ultimate objective: Stuffing as much garbage as possible into the anomalous garbage truck in a short window of exposure time.
- Each member of the Crew should have a highlighted moment to contribute meaningfully to the plot as it occurs.
  - DIVA-SCENT: Anomalous ability that make people perceive her as a human lady instead of a trash bin. Influences unwitting members of the public to do some of the work in preparing trash for pick-up.
  - STAKE & SPIKE: Quickly working their way up and down smaller side streets where DIVA-SCENT has been arranging flashmobs. Bringing their smaller truckloads to designated points where BEARD and TWO-PAIRS work with the packages.
  - DUSTER: Has been slowly cruising all the city's curbsides over the past several days, detecting which areas will give the best returns on their efforts. Cruising around on the night of the heist, on "lookout duty".
  - TWO-PAIRS: Working alongside BEARD, they help to process the packages that STAKE & SPIKE drop at the checkpoints. Ready to play the role of enforcer if there are any complications in the plan.
  - BEARD: Carrying the payload. Leader of the team.
- …

Tension
- Something that makes the caper actually have the feel of being a high-stakes affair, not just scooping up trash that nobody cares about.
  - P.O.V.: A pair of Foundation Field Agents that start off investigating one minor side effect of the situation (like DIVA-SCENT's flashmobs), but they keep finding more clues that lead them to figure out what is really happening.
  - By the time they have the full picture, there is only a little bit of time left to successfully contain the anomaly.
  - Option: They link up with a pair of UIU Agents who are on the same case. (It was originally under the FBI's Organized Crime investigators, but when they found out there weren't any legitimate arrests to be made they kicked it down to UIU.) This will let us justify an Addendum at some point where we show The Crew talking together / plotting while under FBI surveillance.

…

Plot (Investigators Beats)

1. Online Lead

An SCP online tracker program has detected suspicious material: "Suddenly trending - what appears to be an attractive young female social media influencer is, under appropriate anti-memetic filters, revealed to be a sapient and mobile rubbish bin with apparent influence and mobile internet connectivity."
Agent Rodney and his partner happen to be closest to the location of the most recently broadcasted post, they are dispatched to investigate.

2. First On Scene

Agents Rodney and Partner find several people crowding about, but not DIVA-SCENT anywhere nearby.
Asking witnesses, they get accounts that DIVA-SCENT posting online convinced them to come down and move trash around, and that she was there before but apparently isn't now.
Suspicious! … the trash that the witnesses claim to have piled onto pallets on the sidewalks (oddly, source of pallets not known), is not lining the streets, but was removed at some point between then and the Agents' arrival.

3. DIVA-SCENT's Next Appearance

Field Agents check in with HQ, get an update on last detected messages from DIVA-SCENT account. They use that info to determine where to go next.
Again, they are there too late - but still manage to see STAKE & SPIKE as they are clearing the packages (?)
As those two manage to get away from the scene by means beyond what such a truck should be capable of, clearly this is an anomaly!

4. Busting DUSTER

The trail may have gone cold, but the Agents catch sight of a street sweeper operating - suspicious! for the night time.
(I dunno for sure how this plays out - I think streetsweepers aren't necessarily operated by the same, like, company or union as garbage collection might be; depending on the city, perhaps. Either way, a sweeper prob shouldn't be out workkng at this time of night tho.)
The Agents decide to make a move, and go to take down DUSTER. But suddenly, two FBI Agents appear and interfere in the play!
DUSTER is still stopped, and all the Agents recognize each others' affiliations and stuff. They discuss this case they both seem to be following, and decide to pool their resources and intel temporarily.

5. Federal Surveillance

The UIU guys reveal that this case was downgraded from racketeering and layed onto them to put up with. They share with the Skippers their log of evidence, which includes…
An audio tape of the Crew at some point in their plotting phase! They talk freely (for characterisation) and maybe even say something which hints at the existence of the bigger mastermind (for plot).
Someone on the clip says something like "Final checkpoint will be at the dockside shipping containers yard." and all the Agents be like "Gosh, we better get down to the port real quick!"

6. Final Showdown

BEARD and TWO-PAIRS are wrapping up the show… (?)

…

NOTES B

Transitioning work notes.

Heist Crew

Garbage Truck:
- Can convert trash into treasure (note, it can't just be random matter, it has to be specifically trash) by inserting the trash into it's compartment.
- Is the "leader" of the group and the reader is misled to believe that it is the mastermind.
- Personality: WIP
- Is tasked with staying at a safe house, flatbed truck will being the trash quickly for the garbage truck to convert and give the treasure to dump truck to flatten dimensionally. Is captured when the safe house is raided by the foundation and gives dump truck the time to escape. It is later captured and contained.

Flatbed Truck:
- Can create a temporal bubble around itself to go very fast and deliver the trash to garbage truck, extends its time bubble to forklift by a rope connecting the two together.
- Is the "Stealth Master" of the group.
- Personality: Fowl-mouth, overconfident, cocky, impatient.
- Is tasked with delivering trash directly to designated safe spots and garbage truck directly with the use of its powers with the assistance of forklift. A small crew of foundation agents, including agent Rodney intervene. A fight ensues which result in agent Rodney getting on the flatbed truck as it activates it's time bubble. Flatbed tries to kill Rodney, the agent tries to incapacitate it by shooting the tires. The flatbed tumbles and rolls over into a gas station, causing it to explode and killing flatbed. Forklift escapes momentarily.
- (?) Catchphrase: "I'm STAKE, he's SPIKE."

Forklift:
- Can lower the weight of anything the points of it's claw can touch, also possesses minor telekinetic abilities to collect small pieces of trash.
- Is the "Brawn" of the group
- Personality: WIP but somewhere on the lines of admiring Flatbed, and looks up to it as a role model.
- Is tasked with helping Flatbed with the use of its abilities to deliver the trash to safe spots and garbage truck itself. Escapes for a moment during the fight and witnesses flatbed truck die from a distance. Later on when the Foundation locates the spot where garbage truck it, Agent Rodney tries to get there but is ambushed by forklift for revenge. He and his partner is chased by the forklift on car which results in the forklift piercing the car and killing his partner. The forklift is by a high drop of a highway bridge and attempts to drop the car of the ledge to kill Rodney. In the scuffle, Rodney grabs right back onto the edge as the car and the forklift fall to the ground below. Miraculously, the forklift survives but is in critical condition and requires heavy maintenance. It's contained after the ordeal.
- (?) Catchphrase: "He's STAKE, I'm SPIKE."

Trash Can:
- Can emit pheromones from the trash inside it to mind control people, can also mind control flies as well. Can also move around by hoping/sliding short distances.
- Is the "Chick" of the group
- Personality: Mischievous, playful, diva
- Is tasked with mind controlling certain people to allow their operations in the city. Also mind controls lots of people to leave lots of trash for flatbed and forklift. Gets in a fight with the foundation and tries to utilize it's pheromones and flies to escape but is ultimately captured and contained.
- (?) Catchphrase: "Come on everybody!" (or something motivational like; she both influences the marks to do things, and inspires the Crew to pull together and succeed)

Street sweeper:
- Can manipulate the dust it absorbs and can see in the future a little depending on how much dust it eats. Is also very smart.
- Is the "Brains" of the group.
- Personality: Nervous but wants to be brave, paranoid, tends to freak out under lots of pressure.
- Was the one the came up with the technical side of the plan. Is tasked with an easy mission of eating lots of dust for trash and destroying cameras by using dust to mess up the electronics. Is confronted by foundation agents, it tries to use deception but it fails. It tries to use its dust to create multiple dust tornadoes but is defeated when it's key is turned off and is captured and contained.

Dump Truck:
- Can flatted trash into a paper-like form but running over it, can reverse the process by going in reverse.
- Is the "Lancer" of the group.
- Personality: WIP, but is the opposite of garbage truck.
- Is tasked with being with Garbage Truck and stacking up the trash. When the safe house is raided, Dump Truck successfully escapes by flattening all kinds of stuff, also gets away with all the treasure. The foundation is still looking for it.
- (?) Catchphrase: "Bet on it." (or something else gambling-related)

Skippers

Agent Rodney
- …

Agent Polk
- …

Feds

Agent Slate
- …

Agent McCormick
- …

…

PLOT

1. Discovery
- The Agents are alerted to the online activities.
- The Agents approach the scene and get initial clues.
- The Agents check in with HQ for where DIVA-SCENT last streamed online from.

2. Follow-Up
- The Agents get to the location, look around, and see STAKE & SPIKE loaded up with trash and leaving the scene.
- The UIU Agents show up and meet the Skippers.

3. Middle Exposition
- The Feds and the Skippers talk.
- (?) Intersperse their conversation with scenes involving the anomalous vehicles.

4. Middle Action
- The Agents follow/pursue a streetsweeper.
- A confrontation occurs that leads to the takedown of DUSTER.
- Prior to becoming anomalous, this streetsweeper (like many commercial vehicles) was fitted with some form of LoJack GPS transponder.
- This type of program tracks a vehicle's current location, as well as recording a trip history of where it has been recently.
- The Agents are able to hack in and access this data, which shows them one address that DUSTER kept going back to. This must be the hideout.

Current Threads To Work

Interaction between all the Agent characters meeting together. Considerations:
- Personalities of the characters
- Organizations each side are representing (impressions, reputations, rivalries, etc.)
- Motives and goals

The Siege
- Setting / environment it takes places in
- Where each element will be at any time during the action
- How the confrontation and takedowns actually play out

The Interrogation
- The character of the anartist
- What questions the Skippers want to ask (and how much of the answers are true or lies)
- Building up to the compromise that the Skippers keep the trucks while the Feds leave with the kid
- …

…

Alternate Ending BRAVO

W. See Scene 4
- This is where the story connects in the middle.
- The characters go from the end of Scene 4 to the beginning of Scene X below.

X. Showdown At The Heist Crew's Hideout
- The Skippers and the Feds have found the old warehouse facility that the Crew is working out of.
- They have no choice but to move in on their own. Rodney and Polk will breach from the front, while Slate and McCormick circle around to cover the rear.
- Storming the building, the Skippers manage to trap and disable most of the Heist Crew - including a live human member!
- Slate and McCormick come inside. They say that one of the anomalous trucks managed to get by them and escape, but they've signaled their backup to close the area off so it will be captured soon.

Y. Final Act
- After the dust has settled on whatever action takes place, the Agents have the anartist in their custody for questioning.
- (?) We could possibly weave some of that action, like flashbacks as the anartist answers questions, into this segment. As the anartist is an unreliable witness, maybe we could even get crafty somehow and show one thing happen while he states the opposite/lies.
  - We'd maybe predicate this with something crazy chaotic happening in the confrontation with the trucks, that would make the Agents rely a lot on this interrogation to puzzle the pieces together.

Z. Ending
- The Agents present all agree that: the Foundation will walk away with anything that remains of the anomalous trucks or related materials, for containment and further research; and the UIU will walk away with the anartist under arrest, to face any criminal charges that can be made to stick.
- The UIU and the anartist all leave.
- (Idea) Rodney is pondering that the Feds mentioned the trashcan DIVA among the assets that the Skippers can keep for containment. Suddenly it clicks: They never talked about DIVA in front of the Feds; since they first met up their focus has been the garbage strike and the anomalous heavy trucks, but the Skippers never mentioned the anomalous garbage can in the picture at any point!
- Rodney and Polk realize just too late what has actually happened (maybe with flashbacks and explanation of how it makes sense in hindsight). They've been tricked and the Heist Crew got away.
- The End!

…

For Thread

The Tale is primarily told from the perspective of our two Foundation MTF Field Agents. They are asked to follow up on a lead by HQ; this is the first clue on the trail to the Garbage Crew.

They arrive too late to catch the anomaly at the scene, but interviewing a couple witnesses gives them their next lead and they search the area.

Here they manage to catch up with the Crew, but the trucks win the encounter and escape. Also at this point, our boys cross paths with a couple of UIU Agents also working in the area.

The Feds and the Skippers all reconvene and pool their resources into solving the matter before them. From here they go on to discover where the Crew's home base is.

Some other steps may occur in between, yet to be defined. (Not being cagey, reviewers; we legit don't know quite know what happens here yet.)

Ultimately the Agents storm the base, take down the Crew, and wind up with the human puppetmaster in their custody. He explains some of the remaining loose ends, and mainly that his anomalous abilities to bring the trucks alive was exploited for this scheme by the real criminal masterminds.

In the end, it's decided that the Skippers will take in all the trucks and anomalous materials recovered at the scene for containment, and the Feds will place the human suspect under arrest with hopes of him informing on the bigger criminals involved.

Only after this, however, will it come to light that the UIU guys were actually part of the plot along with the suspect and that they've all escaped.

The End

…

Act 1

12:37 <Claygolem> I liked it. The conversation flowed very naturally, I think you did the proper thing when writing and spoke out the conversation after writing it (or at least played it out in your head), it kind of tells

12:42 <Claygolem> If that's the case, I might add just a slight hint of character building early on in addition to their conversation. The conversation works beautifully, but a single line about appearance to link each one to their personality

12:42 <Claygolem> Always good to be able to connect conversational personality to a description of appearance

12:43 <Claygolem> Boogey, the only part I didn't like was perhaps just one single line, the one in the very end. Four people saying something in exact unison seems a bit too tacky

12:45 <Claygolem> That end line had a bit too much corny 80's cop show feeling over it :P Which is sad since everything else flows so nicely

12:47 <Claygolem> If I can imagine Sandler using it in one of his movies, it's a bad idea

<BoogeyMan23>: but for now my co-author and i are trying to polish up the first part
<HeatStroke>: so far it's pretty good! and I like how the agents interact with each other but I'm not done reading yet.
<hinroe>: I love this actually, has good pacing and I like the beginning discussion over positions in the foundation. some of my favorite tales go over what it is like to work as a MTF and some of the things you say hit it right on the head.
<HeatStroke>: very smart to leave it on a cliff hanger to make readers want to know what happens next. I do suggest adding a title though. Also very smart move just to dump us into a conversation with 2 mtf agents cause it's not like an origin story of a superpowered being. It's just 2 mtf agents doing their job and I feel like that isn't explored enough as a
<HeatStroke>: concept on this website. Overall: very unique and I can't wait for the next one.
<BoogeyMan23>: hey, thanks a lot guys! yeah, these are the kinds of pieces i tend to like writing the most, myself
<hinroe>: the "Sometimes I feel were just a step above D-Class" in conflict with the "Few actually have the opportunity we have." is a good take. because both views are completely valid in their own way
<HeatStroke>: It really shows that it was a passion project which I don't have to even explain why that is great .
<BoogeyMan23>: yeah, my co-author mostly wrote up the dialogue in that conversation. i thought it was a good way to kinda introduce the characters and highlight a bit of how their personalities contrast
<hinroe>: one of my favorite tales is http://www.scpwiki.com/the-last-good-man-in-the-foundation because it shows just the human side of being in the foundation and the reality of the job.

<Limey>: BoogeyMan23 overall I really like the tale. Characterizations are good - both the agents do feel like different people. Nothing overstays its welcome. Idk if you're referencing a mainlist SCP but either way it's explained well enough that I don't need to
<Limey>: I like the idea for the ending but I feel like it could be played up a little more before the punchline
<BoogeyMan23>: Limey: cool, thank you! it's not based around any actual mainlist SCP (we were originally going to be making one, but decided to spin the idea into a Tale instead)
<Limey>: I can't really speak much about the use of language/what works and doesn't cause that's really not my forte, but nothing really jumped out about that negatively to me
<Limey>: 'Sometimes I feel were just a step above D-Class.' the were should be a we're right? That's the only SPaG I noticed

Pratten:

Helped fix a sentence or two.
Generally positive feedback.
BoogeyMan is too lazy to copy-paste it all just now.
Credit themanhattenproject for feedback.

BattyPie:

Started a bit slow, but then picked up and was engaging.
Coloured text bit - could be made clearer that it is spoken dialogue between characters.

Drafts thread:

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13878740/tale-mtf-agents-investigate-an-anomaly

Thanks to:

Eads
…

…

Act 2

Scene 3 Preview

06:42 <Claygolem> One thing, might not want to re-use the same joke from act 1 in scene 3
06:42 <Claygolem> "Who's driving that thing; looks like the guy from that TV show, doesn't it?"
&c.
…
06:44 <BoogeyMobile23> Well, it's the same thing as in Act 1, that mannequins are in the truck seats - i thought this time the joke was bigger
…
06:45 <Claygolem> You can have multiple jokes on the issue that A doesn't have his anti mnemetic device and the other one does, just make them a bit more different
…
06:46 <BoogeyMobile23> Ok, will see about punching that up a bit
…
06:49 <Claygolem> Had a few times during the back and forth where I had trouble following who was saying what
…

Gerrymanderbassist (in thecritters)

I like tone of this a lot
10:25 the blend of comedy and genuine crime story is fun
10:25 its a genre combination I really enjoy

it's a little more goofy than most but that's at the very least not a problem with me
10:31 and I have to presume there's a similar audience out there
10:31 I haven't read the first tale so I feel like I'm missing some context

…

List of Critique-Givers to Thank

Act 1
- Claygolem (chat)
- hinroe (chat)
- HeatStroke (chat)
- Limeyy (chat)
- Pratten (chat)
- BattyPie (chat)
- Eads (forum)
- Jacob Conwell (forum)
- penguinpyro (Wiki PM) full story bonus

Act 2
- Claygolem (chat)
- Gerrymanderbassist (chat)
- Mine_H (forum)
- Zoobeeny (forum)
- penguinpyro (Wiki PM) full story bonus

Act 3
- Top (chat) full story bonus
- penguinpyro (Wiki PM) full story bonus
- …

…

SCP Sandbox III

Sandbox III: Revenge of the Sandbox

Plot Overview

Acts 1 & 2

Act 3

NOTES A

NOTES B