Act 1
Trashcan's Eleven
"You really think working a desk in the bullpen beats being out here in the field?" Agent Rodney asked between bites of his cheeseburger.
"Hot pot of coffee always on, my nice ergonomic office chair, a bathroom right there whenever I want it… Gosh, what's to miss, right?" Agent Polk warily eyed the parking lot of the drive-thru joint while they each dug into their combo meals.
"Meeting new anomalies, saving people from monsters, getting exercise - you can't get that wasting away on a desk."
"Exactly my point," Polk said while brushing the crumbs from his lap. "At least on a desk I don't have to worry about my computer trying to kill me or something. Sometimes I feel like we're just a step above D-Class."
"I don't see it that way," Rodney lapped some sauce from the corner of his mouth. "Few actually have the opportunity we have."
"So you think it's an honor?"
"Well, that's part of the deal, but no." Rodney squinted in thought, then looked his partner in the eye. "Life's not about comfort, if that's true we'd be all blobs of flesh wasting away on a couch. To me, it's the moment. Seeing the supernatural up close tends to give you perspective. I mean, we're going to run out of road eventually, why not make the trip worthwhile?"
Polk didn't even humor the idea. "Whatever floats your boat, Rod. And it's 'anomalous', not 'supernatural'."
"Tomato, tomahto."
The radio on the dashboard crackled alive. "108, Unit 108 - do you copy? Over."
Rodney snatched up the mic and answered. "Ya, go ahead for 108."
"What's your status; are you working something right now?"
"Just trying to get some dinner in."
Agent Polk stared at Rodney. "I thought this was just a snack until we could get real dinner?"
"I got something on the line here needs a follow-up," said the dispatcher. "Looks like you're closest unit to the scene."
Agent Rodney chuckled to Polk "You can eat once you're off duty; that's field work." Into the mic now, "Dispatch, what do you got?"
"Something from the bunch in, uhh - Online Activities. Some kinda suspicious social media livecasts."
"Yeah, send it over."
Just a few seconds later, their mobile monitor indicated an incoming message from HQ. Rodney scrolled past the brief text paragraph and opened up the attachment file; a short video clip began to play. In it he saw a teenage girl, recording herself with her phone and speaking to the camera.
"Guys, this garbage strike is really just too much. I'm standing here on 10th street downtown, and there is sooo much trash everywhere! It's like people can hardly even get around because of how much it's piled up on the sidewalks."
Rodney found it uncanny how expertly she framed the scene over her shoulder without looking back - indeed, there were trash bags piled up around already-overflowing wastebins all along the street.
"We're all in this together, you guys! Please followers, if you can: share this with your friends, and come down to help keep our neighborhood from being totally buried in garbage!"
Agent Rodney grunted, "Kids these days. I never know what to expect from 'em."
"Um, what?" Agent Polk had been watching the same video clip, with the exception that he could plainly see it starred a wheeled rubbish bin which was able to move and talk on its own.
"My memetic immunizations aren't current," Rodney explained away the awkward moment when Polk pointed out the reality of the clip.
"And they let you in the field like that?"
"It's not that big a deal. I've got an appointment with a specialist at Site-17 next week."
"'Not a big deal' he says," Polk shook his head. "When we're about to go wading into," he pointed at the screen, "whatever this is? Because there is something up there, right?"
"Yeah, we better get down to 10th and see what's going on. Why don't you be a dear and read the rest of the attachments in the meantime?" With a flick of his wrist, Agent Rodney started the engine.
Light traffic and green lights all the way made it a quick drive into the neighborhood.
"So, Online's doing their thing - stopping the spread and erasing what's out there," Polk summarized the rest of the brief on the way. "It's pervasive, but limited to local groups and feeds here in the city. So at least these videos ain't getting spread too far."
"They are effective though," Rodney slowed to a crawl past the scene on the sidewalk. In an open plaza between office and apartment buildings, small groups of people were milling around and chatting amongst themselves. "Well, it's nice to see there are still people willing to volunteer here in the city."
"Nah, come on. It's making people see a cute girl instead of a trashcan; it's probably just got some kinda compulsion effect to it too."
"You're so cynical." Rodney found a place to park on the curb. "Come on, let's talk to a few and find out."
As they stepped out of the car, each man took a moment to stretch and assess the scene. The crowd was gradually beginning to disperse, their work apparently done. They picked out a group of three young men who were lingering next to a bench; one of them still had coveralls and gloves on.
Approaching, Polk addressed the group. "Hey there fellas. We out here for the community service?"
The three youths all paused and stared mutely at the agents. Probably assessing whether we're a couple of cops, thought Rodney. "Hi there," he stepped forward, deciding to take the lead. "Doug Randall. I'm a reporter with the Bugle," the agent grinned and extended his hand. "I'd just like to talk, if you guys have a moment to spare."
The group exchanged looks, but finally the one in coveralls spoke up. "Talk about what?"
"Well, it's uhh… it's for a human interest piece," Rodney improvised. "We've been in touch with local volunteer organizations, trying to learn a bit about the members and their experiences."
"Oh, we aren't members of any organization," the tallest of the three youths admitted.
"No?" Polk interrupted. "So how did all these people come down here at the same time?"
"Well," Coveralls glanced between his friends as he explained. "I guess because of the video. Right?"
"What video's that?"
"Online, man! This chick was linking it all over, it came up in my feeds like a hundred times today. But then again I suppose I get it, kinda."
"What do you mean?"
"Like… Okay, so I guess lots of old folks live in some of these apartments?" Coveralls explained. "The chick was saying how her grandma does, and now because of the garbage strike there's so much trash around on all the sidewalks that she can't even walk to get groceries or whatever." With a shrug, he added "so that sucks."
"But where did you people actually take all the trash?"
"We didn't! We just pushed it all over to the curb, so there would be a big wide pathway on the sidewalk."
The agents scanned the surrounding area, but none of the accumulated garbage remained. Exchanging nods, Rodney and Polk decided to end the interview there and get back in the car.
"So hey! Are we, like, gonna get our pictures in the paper or what?"
"Oh, we just might have an even bigger scoop to cover," Rodney called back over his shoulder. "Thanks for your time, gents!" Tossing the car keys to his partner now, "Here, drive us around the block a little."
Polk accelerated away from the curb. "Okay, so what are you thinking?"
"These folks there can't have finished very long ago, so that trash must have been scooped up recently," Rodney kept his eyes focused out his side window. "Here, let's take a look down that way."
Finally they see it, like a line drawn at the mouth of an alleyway - on one side the streets are clean, while on the other trash bags are stacked pressed together neatly. On Rodney's order, Polk pulled over and the Agents got out on foot. A scan down the alley revealed nothing of note, so Polk and Rodney continued along the sidewalk toward the intersection.
Rounding the storefront in the building on the corner, they saw a flatbed cargo truck idling at the curb; piled high on the deck were loads of garbage.
"Excuse me, sir," Rodney stepped forward and called out to the driver. "Sir, can you turn that engine off for a minute?"
"Are you talking to the dummy?" Polk turned to Rodney quizzically.
"Don't insult the guy, I'm trying to get us close."
"It's literally a mannequin propped up in the seat," Polk said. "You don't see that?"
Rodney looked again, squinting. "Oh… Well okay then, let's go take a look." But as they approached the truck, it suddenly cranked into gear and the engine revved. "I thought you said that wasn't a real person driving it!"
"It's not!"
"How would a vehicle just drive away on its own-"
Together they exclaimed "Oh no!"
Turning around and sprinting back to their car in order to give pursuit, the Agents came upon a sight even more displeasing: their vehicle had been rolled over onto its roof in the middle of the sidewalk. A forklift pivoted and sped away from the scene.
Two gunshots rang out. The mannequin in the forklift seat bucked against its restraints as pieces of its head were scattered by a bullet. A stunned Polk turned toward Agent Rodney, who stood with his smoking gun drawn. "Why did you shoot the dummy?!"
Rodney gave Polk a blank look. The forklift, unaffected by the shots, disappeared around a corner.
"You knew that one was a dummy, right?" Polk asked.
"Yes," replied Rodney. Following a skeptical beat from Polk he restated emphatically, "Yes! That was a warning shot." They were interrupted by a sudden shout from behind.
"Freeze! Drop your weapon!"
Both Agents groaned; they should have known if a police officer were in the vicinity. But as they turned around they heard three letters that explained everything.
"FBI! I said drop it!"
Foundation MTF Agents Polk and Rodney turned to bear the Foundation sigil markers of their uniforms; they stood facing the guns and badges of two UIU Field Agents in the street. All four men had the exact same thought:
"Ah, crap."
- Foundation Field Agents Polk and Rodney are dispatched to investigate some suspicious activity.
- In a city where sanitation workers are on strike and garbage is piling up in the streets, a sapient trashcan (which appears to the average person as a human girl) is posting videos which encourage civilians to help clean up certain neighbourhoods.
- When Polk and Rodney arrive in the area, they find that the garbage has been picked up and taken away by a cargo truck and a forklift, which are also autonomous and sapient vehicles.
- The anomalous vehicles escape the scene.
- Polk and Rodney encounter a pair of UIU Agents who they must now deal with.
Act 2
Gone In Stinky Seconds
First! Always first. I am… the Fastest One! (rah!) (rah!)
Yeah yeah, okay okay. Did we lose 'em though?
Of course we did! After you put their car outta commission, weren't no way they were gonna match us!
Well how about the loot; is it all good? … Oh yeah buddy! Clear eyes, full load, can't lose!
Jeez, they stuck ya once or twice, didn't they?
Naw, just the dummy. I'm right as rain.
Ya got DUSTER to thank for that then, don't you?
I never said he had bad ideas. That's not the reason he's a pain in the ball hitch.
Here comes DIVA now.
What's the haps, boys? Why'd you need me to meet up so quick here?
We ran into some interference just a minute ago. Weren't nothing we couldn't handle though.
For sure, for sure. We knew that was coming sooner or later.
I dunno, it feels like this could be a real bit of trouble for us.
(cluck cluck cluck!) Don't be a chicken, STAKE!
I'm SPIKE, he's STAKE.
Whatever. Look, if you boys have a load of goods then let's just get it back to base already.
Yeah, I've got enough here to keep BEARD busy. Let's roll out!
Why don't you be a doll and give me a ride, huh SPIKE?
He's SPIKE, I'm STAKE.
What ever! Gosh…
It was Agent Polk who defused the situation - he offered to let the Feds buy the Skippers a cup of coffee, to discuss matters over. The Feds insisted that the Skippers pay for the coffee, so the meeting took place in a corner booth at the nearest Spicy Crust Pizza cafe. In the minds of all parties it was a decided win.
UIU Agents Slate and McCormick sat across from the City Slickers and took full advantage of the free refills. Rodney joined everyone at the table after using the secure phoneline in back to touch base with HQ. Polk ordered a dish of appetizers.
"Now," Rodney began. "What are you guys doing out here in our neck of the woods?"
"More like what are you doing mucking around in our investigation?" McCormick shot back.
"There's something anomalous going on, that's our concern here."
"What are you guys investigating?" Polk interrupted.
"Organized crime," Slate explained. "Somebody's upsetting the apple cart and trying to move in on the labour racket."
Rodney followed along. "So it's got to do with the trash strike? Gangsters wanting to influence the union?"
"Yeah," Agent McCormick scoffed. "It's a lucrative opportunity. Ain't you kids ever heard of Jimmy Hoffa?"
"Well, neither of us are cops so-"
"Federal agents."
"Neither of us," Polk persevered, "need to get into the legalities of the matter."
"Neither of yous needs to get into the matter, period. Some punks think they can scab the job and sway influence on the settlement negotiations."
"It's racketeering," Slate said. "Open-and-shut case; and it's all ours."
"You needs to pack it up and go home," sneered McCormick. "Before I get an anonymous tip about a firearms discharge in the street about half an hour ago."
"Alright, alright now," Polk waved a placating hand. "Don't get your untouchables in a twist."
"Right, look here," Rodney leaned forward over the table. "We did see anomalous activity out there in the street just now. Polk and I, we've seen similar cases before."
"Ok, maybe you think you saw something out there," Slate turned his palms up. "So what? What's that to me?"
"So your gang isn't out there scabbing with just manpower," Rodney reasoned out. "They got these magic trucks-"
"Vehicular anomalies," corrected Polk.
"These trucks that are out hauling on their own. Maybe your perps don't actually have enough numbers to pull this off; maybe they're scared of being pegged by the other gang. But I'm telling you, they are not doing this the mundane way!"
The Feds did not respond to this right away. They exchanged earnest glances with each other before Slate finally conceded, "Alright then, Skipper. Tell me, what else are you telling me?"
"Well, that's about all we got so far," said Polk. "I didn't even think it made sense until you guys brought up the racket thing."
"Well then what's your next move?" McCormick pressed.
"I'd say our best bet is to get out there and make contact with another one of these anomalies. But we gotta wait here for our replacement car, I think." Polk turned to his partner, "Rod, you called in a car for us back there, right?" Agent Rodney had his gaze fixed out the window. "Rod, what are you looking at?"
"I need a second opinion," Rodney pointed out a streetsweeper cruising the curbs down the block. "Who's driving that thing; looks like the guy from that TV show, doesn't it?"
"A goddamn dummy," cried Polk.
"I know you don't think much of celebrities like-"
"I mean it's another fake driver mannequin!"
"Alright everyone," Rodney leapt from his seat. "Let's get going! Follow my lead on this."
Everybody else stood and followed Rodney toward the exit. A shout came from behind the counter, "Order up! Appy platter, Table 1!"
"Oh come on!" whined Polk as he dutifully dashed after the others out the door.
Okay guys, how about this one: "The Effluvium Job"!
The … what?
Y'know, because it sounds like "The Italian Job".
Did you run over a dictionary or something? Where would you learn a word like that?
Hey now! I'm an intellectual.
Coming up with jokes while we're here plotting the take? Is that your idea of intellectual?
Lighten up, DUSTER. We know our role, we'll perform on the night-of.
DUSTER is scared of getting busted.
I don't want to see any of us get busted! I'm sick of feeling like the only one here who actually cares about it.
Settle down, all of you. STAKE and SPIKE will be up to the task when the time comes.
See?
And that task will be to follow the course set by DUSTER, exactly as he charts it. Nobody's going to be busted, and it's because we plot the job from the ground up.
Yeah, BEARD. Okay.
And you two have been practicing?
Absolutely, TWO-PAIRS. We can pick up a ton in seconds flat.
We could do it in the dark, with spare tires on.
We could lift a dish of milk from right under a cat's nose;
Have it back here without spilling a drop.
Bet your bottom dollar on it, as you would say.
Alright then. How about you go run another drill now.
Really?
We're putting all chips down on the table tomorrow night. I want it to be a sure thing.
I guess I've got homework that's due tomorrow too, huh?
…
How are we feeling, DUSTER?
A bit tense if I'm being honest.
Did you find something concerning while you've been casing the job?
No, the street layout works. These communities are just what our plan needs.
Concerns about the cards in our hand, maybe?
No. Well- no, I mean… Alright, you two have always known what you're doing when it comes to this; for as long as I can remember. And our crew - we're like family, all of us. But pulling off something so risky?
Bet big, win big. That's how we've always played; what's the trouble?
I just don't want to see anything bad happen. How long can we keep doing these things before the heat catches up with us?
As a matter of fact, I think this will be our final gig. One last take, and we'll be set for life. But listen… None of us are classic hotrods bound for a collector's garage. We all need this if we're going to make it after tomorrow night. And for us to make it tomorrow night, it's going to take all of us; at our very best. Can I count on you?
Always.
As the four men spilled out onto the sidewalk, Rodney hustled the group forward in a tight huddle. "Alright guys, I think this alleyway must dogleg out onto the next avenue at some point; so if the sweeper turns right at these lights then I'm going to-"
"What the hell are you even talking about?" Agent McCormick cut Rodney off.
"That's a streetsweeper, out on the job during the union strike," said Rodney. "I'll bet it's tied to the other trucks we've seen."
"That's a leap of logic," Slate doubted the connection.
"A leap of faith," said Rodney. "Sometimes that's what it takes to get this job done."
"We can't be seen to go around harassing citizens without probable cause."
"No, never," Polk muttered under his breath.
"You don't have to harass anyone," Rodney said. "Just keep your badges in your pockets and try not to get in our way. Now as I was saying, if it turns right then I'm going to-"
At just that moment, the streetsweeper's flashing signal indicated a right-hand turn. "No time to explain," Rodney determined. "Polk! Statue Of Liberty play! Red on two! Break!" The two partners put their hands together in the centre of the huddle; the play was in motion. Rodney turned away and dashed down the alley.
"And what the hell does that all mean?" McCormick asked.
"Well we're going to split up," Polk began trying to explain. "See, we're gonna go and-" he stammered. "He's gonna- and ya see, in two-" Finally he gave up and shook his head, "It means just try not to get in our way!" Polk jogged up the sidewalk to catch up with the streetsweeper. Agents Slate and McCormick had little choice but to tag along.
"Hey! Hold it right there ya big jerk!" Polk hollered and waved his arms at the streetsweeper. DUSTER wasn't sure what to make of this scene in his rearview mirror. "What are ya, blind? Where'd ya learn to drive, anyway?"
DUSTER switched gears with an audible groan; he was going to have to deal with this. "What's the fuss there, pal?"
"I'm not your pal, buddy! And the fuss is that you scraped up my damn car because you don't know how to drive."
"I know how to drive."
"I parked on the curb not half an hour ago, and when I come back the side's been all mangled up! I know it was you. South of here, just a couple blocks over."
"I didn't touch any cars! I ain't even been south of Main street all night, so I don't know what you're talking about!" DUSTER suddenly realized he may have said too much. It's none of this stranger's business where he's been. "Leave me alone, I'm just trying to do my job."
Agent Slate grabbed Polk by the jacket and whispered, "What the hell are you thinking? Where are you going with this?"
"Well, we're creating the diversion," Polk glanced at his wristwatch. "And any second now…"
Right on cue, Agent Rodney entered the action. Screaming out of the nearest alleyway, he launched himself from atop some construction scaffolding toward the roof of the passing streetsweeper.
"Leap of Faith!" Rodney cried out as he sailed over the sidewalk and impacted DUSTER's rooftop.
"And what in the blue hell is this guy thinking?" Slate screamed out. As happened often, Polk would have liked to know that himself. But time and experience had taught him how to roll with the punches.
Agent Rodney had reached down through the open driver window, and struggled to wrestle the mannequin up out of his way. Agent McCormick aggressively yanked the door open, spilling both Rodney and the dummy down onto street level. By this time, Agent Polk had managed to scramble in from the passenger side and pulled the keys from the ignition. DUSTER's engine spluttered and stalled out.
While Agents Polk and Rodney lay panting for air, McCormick towered over them. "Jesus Christ! What have yous two gots to say for yourselves?"
Polk managed, in between gasps, "Touchdown … City Slickers." Rodney raised an arm from the ground to complete an exhausted fist bump.
- STAKE, SPIKE, and DIVA regroup after their brush the Skippers and return to the hideout.
- Agents Polk and Rodney meet The Feds - Agent Slate and Agent McCormick; they pool their resources and discuss the situation they're dealing with.
- Slate and McCormick propose mundane solutions and claim that the Foundation is wasting their time looking into this; Polk and Rodney insist that there is anomalous activity taking place.
- A flashback shows the crew plotting and talking on the night before the heist.
- All the Agents together seize on an opportunity to take down one of the anomalous vehicles, hoping that it will give them another clue.
Act 3
Trash, Cash, and Two Smoking Tailpipes
Guys, I've got it! Listen to this: "The Stench Connection"!
I don't get it.
The French Connection was a movie about smuggling drugs.
But not just any drugs. Heroin! And what do they call heroin on the streets?
Horse?
Brown?
Smack.
Junk! And what is it we're hustling around in our cargo?
Garbage?
Trash.
Effluvium!
Come on, you guys. This is really clever.
Hey! Where is DUSTER?
Dunno. We thought he was back here already.
No. Hey FINCH! Where is DUSTER right now?
Not showing up on the map. He just lost signal all of a sudden.
Something isn't right. I've got a bad feeling about this.
We're almost done here, BEARD. Come on and press this last load of loot.
"Well keep looking," Rodney rifled through the center console of the truck while Polk combed the glove compartment. "We need another clue to go on here."
"What are you two looking for?" Slate asked while he stood smoking a cigarette.
"Gotta find the LoJack."
"The what-now?" McCormick paced on the sidewalk while the Skippers searched inside the streetsweeper.
"A transponder; like a GPS unit," explained Rodney. "Tons of companies these days with fleet vehicles install tracking systems on them. If we're lucky, this truck had one on board; and if we can get at the data it could tell us something."
As it turned out, the Skippers were lucky: the truck did have a vehicle tracking system installed, and they were able to get at the data. Polk's phone converted the information into a functional user interface, and he pulled up a map of the city with a "Trip History" projected. The 10th street district they were in right now, as well as a couple other neighbourhoods nearby, had been visited multiple times in the past few days. But all these trips started and ended at the same address.
"What is that place?" Slate leaned in to see what was being discovered.
"In the industrial district," said Polk. "Machine shops, warehouses, a couple auto repair places…"
"This spot used to be a recycling depot," Rodney recalled bringing his old TV there when he'd upgraded to a flatscreen. "A while ago now."
"Are they trying to be poetic or something?" McCormick scoffed. "That has 'Hey! Come catch us!' written all over it."
"Sure; it's so obvious, you'd almost wonder nobody's gone and done it already."
Polk's sarcastic quip almost set McCormick off, but Slate responded first. "Well then now's the time."
Rodney checked his watch. "Damn it, where's our backup?"
"No time for yours," Slate pointed everybody toward McCormick's and his car. "We've got a SWAT team on standby that can meet us there."
Moments later, everyone was in the Feds' black Crown Vic speeding to the scene. "This is FALCON, calling in a Code Red at the following address," McCormick said urgently into his phone. "Get local backup on-scene ASAP! We are heading there now - I repeat, we are on the way right now."
Ah crap. Listen up everybody; the heat is closing in faster than expected!
I knew that something wasn't right!
Calm down. There is a backup plan for this.
There's a plan that we don't know about?
When we've been practicing every possible plan, over and over?
Just do as I say and leave the rest to me. I can talk our way out of this, but only if you all lay low and let me handle things.
I can not get arrested! Seriously uncool.
Everyone, park yourselves over here. Go on, and shut everything right down. I'll throw the tarps up.
Hold it! Is this really our best bet? I can't abide staking the farm on a long shot.
I was hoping you'd say that TWO-PAIRS. No, since you have all the loot on board, you'll need to make a break for it now.
Hold on, how is that plan any better?
Brother, don't worry about me. I can bluff or barge my way through whatever they've got waiting.
But not with all of us moving together…
Hurry it up, BEARD. I need you here with the others.
FINCH, will you shut up for one minute?
Alright, this is what's best then. We'll wish you luck.
You know I've got all the luck I need.
See you on the other side, brother.
Slate stopped the car at the mouth of an alleyway formed by a fenced-in lot and a factory adjacent. "Alright, here's the loading yard. Follow this fence and the gate should be around the corner down there."
"What are you telling us for?" said Polk.
"Because yous two are going to slip around and cover the loading docks at the back," McCormick explained. "Our boys are waiting for us at the public entrance, but they only got enough men to breach the front doors. So you're gonna have to be the pincer."
"Sounds like the reports of a SWAT team on standby were greatly exaggerated," Polk quipped.
"Test me once more," roared McCormick. "Once more, and see what happens!"
"Alright, look," Slate said, defusing the tension. "We need five minutes to regroup with the cops around front and prepare to storm in. So wait no less than five before making any move from the back, got it?"
Agents Rodney and Polk slid out of the car and slinked their way along the shadows beside the fence. Polk was glad to finally have a minute away from the Feds.
"Okay, Rod. What the hell are we doing?"
Rodney looked at his partner. "What do you mean?"
"I mean are we completely off the rails, running around with these two idiots instead of getting our own guys out here?"
"I talked to HQ back at the cafe, remember?"
"Right. So how'd that conversation go?"
"I told them the anomalous activity was confirmed and that we'd need to dig deeper on it. I told them we were dealing with autonomous vehicles, and that our car got wrecked."
"So what about reinforcements?" Polk asked.
"Funnily enough, I did ask them about dumping a thousand soldiers into the city on 20 minutes notice, and sending a tank or two to smash up the magic trucks for us."
"Let me guess, their counter-offer was Dr. Wile E. Coyote and his big magnet by Acme?"
"Close," Rodney chuckled. "They're starting with a city-wide perimeter, checkpoints on all avenues in and out. Keeping these vehicles from getting onto the interstate and out to who knows where is the first step, until more MTFs can be deployed."
"So where does that leave us?"
"I hate to admit it," Rodney shrugged. "But it leaves us counting on Uncle Sam's firepower here, for now."
By this point the Agents had found their way into the dusty lot and were hunched behind a pile of debris. "What's our timing like?"
"Still too soon," Rodney replied. They spent a moment surveying the entire face of the building - noting the placement of every door, anticipating the interior layout behind, scanning windows for movement. "Hmm… seems quiet."
"Yeah," Polk agreed. "A little too quiet."
Rodney glared at Polk. "You know what happens every time you say that."
Polk rolled his eyes, "I don't think anything happens every time I say that."
The metal bay door of the recycling centre was suddenly ripped from its frame and sent flying by a dump truck ramming through from within the building.
"Oh come on!" Polk whined, before Rodney tackled him down out of the path of flying bricks and rubble.
"You bastards," came a shout from somewhere within the truck. "Come and get me, if you think you can!"
As the Agents found their feet and ran for cover, Rodney fired a handful of rounds in the direction of the truck.
"You are shooting a .45 caliber handgun," Polk shouted over the noise, "at a ten ton truck. Will you get real!"
The dump truck, instead of pursuing the Skippers path, veered toward the gate. It easily barreled through the chainlink fencing and drove away down the road.
"Well," Rodney sighed as he tried to catch his breath. "That didn't go well."
Slate and McCormick appeared in the new gaping hole in the wall. McCormick was shouting a bunch, but the Skippers made it clear there was nothing that could have been done.
"Never mind then, come on over here." Slate waved them over. As they approached, he turned to McCormick and said "Hey, if those boys have swept all the rooms and got the prisoner secured then go ahead and send 'em home. I ain't swallowing all their overtime for just standing around." He added with a wink to the Skippers, "And they probably oughtn't be witnesses to what comes next, huh?"
As McCormick went back inside, Polk addressed Slate. "You said 'prisoner'? Singular?"
"Get a load of this," laughed Slate. "These gangsters must've cleared out just before we got here, but left one patsy behind to take the fall."
"There was just one guy in there?"
"No resistance, easy takedown. We got him inside now, ready for a little informal interrogation."
Polk and Rodney exchanged furtive glances, but finally Rodney said "Okay then, lead the way."
The Skippers followed Slate through the loading bay and into a secondary warehouse area. There they found a younger looking man handcuffed to a chair, with McCormick pacing the floor behind him.
"Come on, fellas," said the captive. "This is a pretty extreme response for someone simply trespassing in an abandoned building."
McCormick yanked down a large tarp, revealing an inert garbage truck beneath. Pulling away another revealed the forklift they had seen earlier on; a third one, the cargo truck as well.
"Well, well," Slate reached into the compactor of the garbage truck. "What do we have here?" He hauled up a small gold bar for everyone to see.
"Okay, fine. I'm using this space as my workshop. I'm an artist."
"An anartist," accused Polk.
"Hey, you can't let a little thing like reality get in the way of your creative vision, man."
"Well then," Rodney stepped closer. "Why don't you tell us about this particular vision, man?"
"Yeah? Right, so it's called 'One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure'! I'm taking the old cliche phrase and using it to make a fresh statement. Not just about the environment, but the nature of humans' attachment to possessions, and the perception of value in-"
"How about the nature of having a ton of free gold in your pocket?" Polk cut him off. "Was that a part of your vision, Mr. … what is your name, anyway?"
"Charlie," the young man replied. "Charlie Finbar. But the truck's conversion rate is too low for me to make much use of it that way."
"Maybe not on your own," McCormick loomed behind Charlie. "But you had some helping hands out there, didn't you?"
"Those are just prototypes. Like practice pieces."
"Don't play dumb with us!" McCormick leaned down. "Those trucks were out removing trash from the streets tonight, weren't they?"
"Fine. I needed something to test my work; there's nothing wrong with that."
"On the contrary," Slate chided. "Racketeering is a rather serious offense. Organized crime, undermining labor union negotiations - someone could do a lot of hard time for charges like that."
"Oh, no way!" Charlie jerked in his chair to look straight at Slate. "That's not on me, I'm no gangster. I just needed them so I could get my hands on the materials."
"That's more like it," McCormick softened up now. "Tell us about this 'them' then."
"Well," Charlie hesitated. "I can't just buy a garbage truck on my own. A friend of a friend put me in touch with someone who could arrange what I needed. But a deal had to be made, so I had to help them to use the piece like this - to make the payment! I didn't even know there could be those kinda implications."
"But if all these crooks wanted was a bunch of gold," Rodney reasoned, "Why not just go to a landfill and have a literal mountain of the stuff?"
"You don't get it, man," Charlie rolled his eyes at the Foundation agent. "I'm not some kinda reality-bending alchemy-wizard dude, I'm an artist. There has to be intent and expression and all that creativity stuff in the mix before I can do what I do."
"Skip the theatrical bullcrap and get to the point."
"Waste disposal is more complicated than you might realize. It all starts when a someone throws something away - could be anything - but once that consumer discards that product, it can be considered 'waste'. And there's lots of ways that all that waste gets handled. Some of it might be salvageable for reuse, some of it might be recyclable, some of it might just end up in a landfill; but it's all manners and means of 'waste disposal'."
Apparently the kid had done his homework. Or at the least, his creative interpretation of the matter sounded informed.
"Now, at what point is that waste 'disposed of'? Maybe once that consumer has left it out on their curb or tossed it into a dumpster, to them it's gone. But that waste still has a ways to go - collection, sorting, processing, all that business. Anyway, by the time it's under the dirt in a dump is way too late for me to work with. Like, New Yorkers call Flushing Meadows a park now; you get it?"
"Whatever you say, kid" McCormick scoffed. "But I asked you to tell us more, and I didn't hear no names. So maybe running you in downtown is what we're gonna have to do."
"Ahem!" Agent Rodney got Slate's attention. "May I have a word with you over here?"
Slate convened with the Skippers at some remove from their prisoner. "What is it now?" he hissed.
"This 'arrest' talk from your partner here is what it is," said Rodney. "We don't actually know the extent of this person's anomalous abilities; they need to come through a Foundation facility for assessment."
"Oh, give me a break," Slate scoffed. "So he can make a truck drive on its own, you said yourself you've seen that before."
"Yeah," replied Polk. "Still anomalous, still our concern. And if it comes down to it-"
"Well, now now," Slate became suddenly conciliatory. "If we all have to call up our bosses and get them involved, that's just gonna make for some more unhappy campers. We've been getting along well so far." Slate glanced back at his partner for a second before continuing. "Look, we really need a new lead in this case; we're desperate here. If you give us just 24 hours with this kid in our custody, we can make him flip on these gangsters. And then you guys can do your little tests and all that."
"One day," Rodney clarified, "and then you turn him back over to the Foundation?"
"Absolutely," said Slate. "And we only need the info he has, so we'll let you guys leave here now with all the other anomalous stuff. Those trucks there, the trashcan, any gold loot still laying around - you can all take away now."
After some consideration, Rodney finally agreed to the deal. Slate and McCormick led Charlie Finbar in handcuffs out to their car, and drove off.
Wait a second… Did you ever mention the trashcan videos to those guys?
Huh? Yeah, I think so. We talked the whole case over at the cafe, right?
We talked about the trucks at the cafe. We saw the truck driving on its own, and we shot the forklift, and that's what we went to the cafe with those Feds to discuss.
Right, we went and we talked to them about the anomalous vehicles. We talked about the union strike, and we talked about the trucks hauling the trash.
But we never said to them what tipped us off to the scheme in the first place. We never told them about the online videos, or the trashcan that looks like a girl, or any of that stuff!
Well, so what if we didn't?
The last thing Slate said to me was that we can take all the anomalous objects and evidence - the trucks, and the loot left behind, and the trashcan. How did he know that trashcan was part of the package we'd want?
… He wouldn't. Unless they knew more than they were telling us.
Or they were outright lying to us.
But they did help us contain the anomaly in the end.
They weren't helpful, they wanted to get rid of us from the start. They tried to tell us it was nothing anomalous; they tried to tell us to just drop it. They didn't really get motivated until after we'd already nabbed that streetsweeper and picked up this address.
Yeah, that's when they get all hot to call it in and rush over. Then at the sting here, they put us alone at the back door - knowing we can't stop any truck on our own. So, you think they wanted to make themselves look good by making us look bad?
No, I don't think that's it… Why would they say we weren't needed; that it's mundane crime? Why would two UIU Agents be on a case without anomalies involved?
They knew we were Foundation, so not bulling us for The Veil's sake… What are you saying?
They were in on it, all of them! The punk's job was to run the trucks and pack the loot, and those two fake Feds' job was to pull the wool over our eyes and keep us running in circles until they could get away!
Holy shit!
They played us like a damn fiddle! Call HQ on your mobile phone right now; screw infosec protocols! We need to let them know what's happened, ASAP.
Days later, back inside the offices of a mid-tier Foundation Site, Polk and Rodney settled in at their workstations. This would be their probationary assignment for the next six months, relegated from field work until then.
"Well, we're back on desk in the bullpen," Rodney was trying to cheer Polk up. "You must be happy about that, right?"
Polk said nothing.
"I got my appointment at Site-17 done too," Rodney said. "So there's no way now that some hucksters could pull one over on us with any memetic influences."
Polk kept his eyes on his work.
"And we did successfully bring in all those anomalous objects," Rodney offered. "So we aren't even really in that much trouble after this probation is done."
Polk's keyboard became pointedly louder with each keystroke.
"Fine then, go ahead and pout."
Tracy, a Level 1 administrative assistant in the same office space as Polk and Rodney were now stationed, had taken it upon herself to make the Agents feel welcome. As was her habit, she dropped by to chat on her way to the break room. "Say, did either of you see that one weird story in the paper today? There were three murders out at the old quarry site."
"Oh, huh," Rodney replied absently. This mention of the quarry was the first time he'd considered it, but that place did once have both a cityside address and access via dirt road out to the old two-lane highway. Had HQ thought of that when they established those checkpoints?
"Maybe some kinda gangland executions, they say," Tracy went on. "Pretty gruesome stuff; apparently the victims looked like they'd been run over by a dump truck!"
"How cruel," Polk deadpanned. Rodney was glad he at least seemed to perk up a little.
"And here's something really weird," Tracy announced. "Underneath one of the bodies, they found a gold brick pressed into the dirt! What do you suppose that means, huh?"
Polk and Rodney stared at each other.
Somewhere on a lonely highway, a dump truck might have been cruising along with a load full of gold bars in the back, and Kenny Rogers' 'The Gambler' playing on the radio.