Per 
Test 914-1100
Participants: One B-class personnel1, nineteen C-class personnel2, three D-class personnel
Date: 15/10/2019
Total Items: Thirty wooden boxes, all labelled with "Schrodinger's cat" in pencil. Each box has a 50% chance of an image of a cat inside. "Randomness" achieved by placing an image of a cat within fifteen of the thirty boxes, then instructing multiple researchers and interns to scramble the order of the boxes (while others are not observing). Researcher Miniwa then picked one box out of the thirty, at random, and began this test.
Note: As this test has multiple researchers, each turning the key separately and at separate times, I have re-written each Input/Setting/Output to be "Name/Input/Setting/Output". Remaining boxes placed in storage. Requesting nobody opens box to retain randomness."- Researcher Miniwa
Ex. 914-1100-01
Name: Researcher Miniwa
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: Wooden box. Contains a paper image of Researcher Miniwa inside. When opened, has a 50% chance for an image of Researcher Miniwa to appear inside, attached to a paper. If the paper is removed and the box closed, the paper vanishes.
Ex. 914-1100-02
Name: R.A. Walker
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden egg. When opened, a paper image of an ''Eevee'' is found to be inside there is a 75% chance that a paper image of an ''Eevee'' will be found, and if there is an ''Eevee'', there is a 1 in 4096 chance that the creature will be silver and white instead of brown and tan.
Note: It appears that the chance of the "Cat" being dead has halved for me. - R.A. Walker
Ex. 914-1100-03
Name: Intern Roman
Input: One of the above boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: Another, smaller box, containing nothing a small wooden mouse. When opened, the mouse will have its eyes open half of the time, and will be flipped upside down with its eyes closed the other half of the time.
Ex. 914-1100-04
Name: Researcher Festiv
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden box with a ~87% chance of a photo of a cat being inside with the chances of a photo of a cat inside the box reducing with the time in between opening. This starts at a 99.9% chance directly after closing the box, and ending at a 0.1% chance 1 hour after closing the box.
Ex. 914-1100-05
Name: WR Markham
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden model of a trolley. When opened, a photo of five women attacking an unknown weapon is seen there is a 48% chance that a photo of five people attacking an unknown weapon is visible, a 35% chance that a photo of an armed woman bleeding out and crying on her knees is seen, and another 17% chance where no photo appears.
Note: Combining the first two results would mean that the equivalent probability of a dead cat for me is one-third of the normal case. Also, the second image is rather unsettling, to say the least. - WR Markham
Ex. 914-1100-06
Name: Dr. Zavalosa
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One anomalous Matryoshka doll. The Matryoshka doll can be opened up to an identically sized Matryoshka doll, which can be opened up to another identically sized Matryoshka doll and so forth. The shells of the opened Matryoshka dolls are non-anomalous until used with the original doll at which point they will successfully fit back in place without extra force when contact is made with the original. Each of the Matryoshka dolls halves have a 25% chance of having a blue theme, a 25% chance of having a red theme and a 50% chance of having a purple theme. There is no set order to this colouring, closing the doll upon a certain colour does not mean the same colour will be seen once opened again. Stored in Dr. Zavalosa's belongings.
Ex. 914-1100-07
Name: Guest Engineer Regas
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One wooden model “motor engine” with a cord. When the cord is pulled, a engine revving noise can be heard. 25% of the time, an engine noise will also be audible for the next 3 minutes as if the motor engine successfully started.
Ex. 914-1100-08
Name: Intern Snevets
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden memory module for a quantum computer. Non-functional due to having no metal components.
Ex. 914-1100-09
Name: Dr. Veritas
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: Wooden miniature of a wood-chipper, with a single button on the side. The paper was lodged in the hopper. Testing shows that paper has a chance of around 50% to either be shredded normally or have alternate results.
Results so far:
- Normal shreds.
- An animate paper butterfly capable of flight.
- Normal shreds.
- An origami flower that opens when exposed to sunlight.
- Normal shreds.
- A paper dice that only falls to 1 or 6.
Ex. 914-1100-10
Name: Researcher Nybble
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A box that, when opened, contains either a blank piece of paper or a piece of paper with a 64 x 64 ''pixel'' drawing of a cat in an ''8-bit'' style.
Ex. 914-1100-11
Name: Junior Researcher Kai
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One unchanged box, now labelled with "Kai's kat".
Note: Common sense dictates that I should get a D-class to open it… but I just have this urge, you know? - JR Kai
Note: Are you actually thinking about sabotaging your own retirement plans for an ''urge''? - Veritas
Addendum:
A compromise was reached and Junior Researcher Kai was allowed to open the box with a D-class personnel whose name was Kai ████. Both personnel were given Class-III personal protective gear and a stand-by MTF unit was requested for back-up.
The box was opened to reveal an origami kat plant (Catha edulis). After further testing was conducted, it was determined that the kat plant was anomalously alive, despite being consisted solely of paper. The plant's roots do not appear to dissolve in water and after clearing anomaly testing, is currently located on Junior Researcher Kai's desk.
Note: Kat is a stimulant, so anyone who sneaks into my office to grab a leaf or two is going to face a very annoyed me. - JR Kai
Ex. 914-1100-12
Name: Dr. Beiderman
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: One non-anomalous wooden Hurdy Gurdy. When cranked, it plays "Pop goes the weasel". Testing has shown that there is a 50% chance each time it is used that it will instead play a nonlethal auditory hazard.
Note: Tom Jones' "Whats New Pussycats" is not an auditory hazard, guys.
Ex. 914-1100-13
Name: Researcher MacLean
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A box, whenever opened, has a 50% chance of containing a drawing of a cat, a 25% chance of containing nothing, and a 25% chance of containing a small spring-loaded blade composed of origami. The blade/cat disappears after ceasing to be observed, resetting the box.
Note: The 25% chance of a blade appearing was discovered after the box was activated a third time, stabbing the D-Class testing it in the Carotid Artery.
Ex. 914-1100-14
Name: Researcher Connolly
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden box with a picture of a cat inside. Upon closing and re-opening the box, there is a 25% chance that the picture will change to that of a black cat with the words “BOO!” written on the bottom. Upon seeing the image of the black cat, the viewer will faint from fright.
Note: It is confirmed that this fainting effect is due to an anomalous effect and not because the people testing are faint of heart, correct? - Dr. Zavalosa
Ex. 914-1100-15
Name: Researcher Ija Rasclon
Input: One of the above boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: A box that has a 25% chance to contain one wooden cat figure, a 12.5% chance to contain two half-mass figures, a 6.25% chance to contain at least four quarter-mass figures, etc. This pattern does not have a known limit. The chances are cumulative, meaning there is always a 50% chance for the box to be empty. Material for the figures is taken from the box's inside surface.
Ex. 914-1100-16
Name: Intern Jane Demole, D-29445
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: 1:1
Output: A wooden cat labelled Schrödinger's Box.
Input: Above output
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden cat that has wood fiber fur. D-29445 was instructed to reach his hand into the cat's mouth. D-29445 was hesitant, but followed orders. The cat bit down, causing D-29445 immense pain. When he pulled his arm out, there was a small origami box in his hand. When instructed to unfold it, the paper had a word written on it. 50% of the time, the word was "Alive", and the other 50% of the time, the word was "Dead".
Note: That's an interesting take on Schrödinger's Cat. - I. Demole
Ex. 914-1100-17
Name: SR Vivic
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A box that when opened will have a 25% of a cognitohazard that causes the viewer to drool excessively for 30 minutes. A 25% chance of a picture of highly promiscuous depictions of anthropomorphic animals. A 25% chance of a cognitohazard that causes the viewer to immediately yet slowly reclose the box with no memory of what they saw. A 25% chance of an origami hand holding a dial up phone handle being forced several inches out of the box top, and when placed against the ear the user will be asked one of the three following questions; “Is this the Krusty Crab?”, “Are you really approaching me?!”, “Morty are you messing with the Schrodinger's box?!” After the last question a scared sounding child will respond “N-no Rick” followed by a dail tone. If the first two questions are answered by the user appropriately they will feel a rush of euphoria and laugh for 5-15 minutes. Finally, the remaining 25% chance, when the box is opened it will be empty yet at the same time posses non-Euclidean geometry with enough inside space for a human individual to go halfway inside yet is not recommended. Those who read carefully may note that this equals 125% thus proving the last result does in fact not exist and anyone who believes it exists should be given Class-A amnestics.
Note: SR Vivic was the first to open the box, getting the origami phone and quickly answered with “No this is Patrick!” Before slamming the box shut and then began laughing for the next 10 minutes. He was very lucky with the outcome as it has shown with testing that the incorrect response will imbue the user with extreme crippling depression for 15 minutes.
Note: This is a nice box, I like the memes, but something isn't right about it but I can't quite remember what, interesting none the less. - SR Vivic
Ex. 914-1100-18
Name: AR King
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A paper-like box with a wooden slate inside of it. The slate has a 50% chance of a carving of a normal cat, a 25% chance of Nekotama carving and a 25% chance of a Bakeneko carving.
Addendum: There is actually a 49% chance of a carving of a normal cat and a 1% chance of a Kasha carving. The carving will be burning with a heatless fire that does not burn anything.
Ex. 914-1100-19
Name: Prof. Wren
Input: One of the above boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: A box stylized like a tape cassette that, when opened, will have a 50% chance of playing one of the following songs, with the number of plays over a series of 100 openings indicated next to the title:
- Kenny Loggins, Highway to the Danger Zone (7)
- George Harrison, (I Got My Mind) Set On You (8)
- Kenny Loggins, Footloose (4)
- Jo-el Sonnier, Louisiana 1920 (1)
- Jo-el Sonnier, Tear-Stained Letter (9)
- Ray Parker Jr., Ghostbusters (8)
- The Bus Boys, Cleanin' Up the Town (7)
- Mike Reno & Ann Wilson, Almost Paradise (3)
- Bonnie Tyler, Hero (3)
Note: This…this is the song list from a tape my mom recorded for me as a child. -Prof. Wren
Note: Prof. Wren left the testing area partway into testing, visibly brought to tears.
Ex. 914-1100-20
Name: Intern Francois Beauvillier
Input: One of the above boxes.
Setting: Fine
Output: Half a box. An empty cardboard box. When observed, there is a 50% chance for the left side of the box to appear, a 49% chance for the right side to appear, and a 1% chance for a cardboard baguette to appear.
