collab:TheBlueHour and uncle nicolini

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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe NA

Special Containment Procedures: As per the standing agreement with the Manna Charitable Foundation, SCP-XXXX may be used for humanitarian and disaster relief purposes, provided that all packaging is removed and destroyed prior to distribution.

Description: …

SCP-XXXX's nutritional information states it contains no sugar, and is high in most dietary vitamins. The ingredients conform to what is typical for pre-packaged lemon bread, with the exception of the second ingredient being 'whimsy'. Tests performed on samples of SCP-XXXX have confimred the prescence of theses ingredients. The expiration date is listed as "Heat Death". All individuals who have tasted SCP-XXXX have claimed to have enjoyed it, even if they do not enjoy the taste of lemon.

Discovery: SCP-XXXX first came to the Foundation's attention when a delivery truck containing several hundred instances was intercepted by the Foundation after suspicious posts were made by the truck's driver on his social media accounts. After the assigned agents confirmed the existence of the anomaly, the truck driver was administered amnestics and released. All instances of SCP-XXXX were seized by the Foundation. After checking the truck's records, it was determined that the shipment was on route to a Manna Charitable Foundation facility. After a short investigation the following email was found in the email address of Alice █████████, the director in charge of operations at the facility.

Dear Alice,

Here's a product me and my team have been working on for a few months before we had to abandon it. This got pretty far along before we had to cancel it, all the way to Wondertainment's desk. Unfortunately after she tried it she told us that she enjoyed it but it wasn't magical enough for a Wondertainment product. It's a shame really, I had been hoping this one would work out. Oh well, more for you guys I guess. As per Wondertainment's agreement with your Charitable Foundation, you will be getting all of the leftover product from the test run free of charge. This stuff will last theoretically forever so it will be especially good for your mission. It also is impossible not to like, literally. You wouldn't be able to dislike this stuff even if you tried. Anyway, it's always nice to know their are people fighting the good fight. We hope this will make your job just a little bit easier.

Sincerely, [REDACTED]

P.S. At least Wondertainment thought it tasted good.

Addendum:

Several instances of SCP-XXXX were given to Researcher Grooms for testing.

Test 01
Subject: A male rat
Test: The rat was fed a small sample of SCP-XXXX.
Result: Nothing unusual occurred.
Note: Now that we this stuff won't turn you inside out or replace your organs with lemons I think it's reasonable to do some human testing. -Researcher Grooms

Test 02
Subject: D-21245
Test: D-21245 was asked to eat a small sample of SCP-XXXX.
Result: D-21245 reported that SCP-XXXX was his favorite lemon bread that he ever had. No unusual effects were noted.

Test 03
Subject: D-34517 who was chosen for this test due to having claimed that he did not like the taste of lemon.
Test: D-34517 was asked to eat a small sample of SCP-XXXX.
Result: D-34517 was reluctant to eat the sample until Researcher Groom offered him extra television privileges. Upon consuming the sample D-34517 noted that it was 'surprisingly good'.

Test 04
Subject: D-45135
Test: D-45135 was told to eat several instances of SCP-XXXX.
Result: D-45135 quickly ate an instance of SCP-XXXX while noting that it was her favorite lemon bread she remembered consuming. However, after consuming a quarter of the second SCP-XXXX instance her progress started to slow significantly. After successfully finishing half of the instance D-45135 requested to stop. Researcher Grooms requested for her to continue and she finished the rest of the instance after twenty minutes. Upon being asked to consume another SCP-XXXX instance, D-45135 was reluctant to do so until Research Groom first offered her additional television privileges and then then threatened to remove her television privileges. However, after noting that D-45135 was appearing to become ill Researcher Grooms aborted the test.

Test 05
Subject: D-19473 and D-37912
Test: Researcher Grooms instructed the two D-Class personnel to eat as many instances of SCP-XXXX as possible. Researcher Grooms also told the two D-class personnel that whoever consumed the most SCP-XXXX would be granted additional shower time and desserts at the cafeteria.
Result: D-19473 and D-37912 sat down at a table with 26 SCP-XXXX instances. Information on the test had been leaked so a small crowd of staff members had arrived to watch. Researcher Grooms instructed the D-Class personnel to begin testing at which point they both began eating. D-19473 ate very rapidly, finishing the first instance in less then seven minutes. D-37912 finished shortly after him and then quickened her pace. Despite D-19473's initial lead, both D-Class personnel finished their second instances at approximately the same time. Over the next half hour, D-19473 consumed two more instances and D-37912 consumed one and a half instances. D-19473 stopped eating, until D-37912 had finished the rest of her third instance upon which he continued. Both D-class personnel ate half of another instance. D-19473 stood up from the table, and D-37912 finished her fourth instance. Upon completing it, D-37912 also stood up and then vomited.
Notes: I'm canceling all further tests with SCP-XXXX. - Researcher Grooms.

After this test, Researcher Grooms was given disciplinary actions by the Ethics Committee. D-37912 was granted the agreed upon extra shower time, however she expressed no desire for any additional desserts.

Since it had been conclusively determined that SCP-XXXX was not a threat to any individual or to secrecy, all remaining instances of SCP-XXXX were returned to the Manna Charitable Foundation and the current containment procedure agreement was made between them and the Foundation.

Incident XXXX:

On March 1, 2013, Researcher Grooms found the following note in his mailbox. It had no mailing address and was presumably placed into his mailbox directly.

We tried to warn you.
- [REDACTED]

Following this incident Researcher Grooms received no further contact from the Group of Interest Dr. Wondertainment.

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Nico Outline
This bread does not mold, does not spoil, maintains taste, is heat and water resistant, and each serving contains about 1000 calories; half the daily recommended intake.
Foundation finds out about it after intercepting a broken-down MCF supply truck in (impoverished disaster struck area here.)
Foundation confiscates all the bread because its a previously unknown anomaly associated with Wondertainment.
- documentation on wrapping largely unchanged
SCP contacts MCF to find out what's up with the bread. They're pretty pissed and just want their bread back.
Foundation continues intercepting MCF bread trucks.
- letter from wondertainment, explaining that because of their confectionary business they have a lot of leftover flour, they bake it and donate it to MCF. Wondertainment formally requests the Foundation releases all supplied stock as soon as possible.
Foundation refuses.
Reports of massive starvation from (impoverished disaster struck area here), explicitly caused by the Foundation's meddling.
Ethics committee intervenes and scolds all involved, releases bread.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-XXXX are to be stored in a low-security containment locker in Site-169. Foundation web crawlers are to monitor for any continued shipments of SCP-XXXX. All shipments found are to be seized by MTF Mu-13 'Divorce'.

See addendum for current agreement with the GOI¹ Manna Charitable Foundation.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a product referred to as "Dr. Wondertainment's Supreme Lemon Bread!™" which closely resembles non-anomalous lemon-bread. SCP-XXXX's packaging is primarily bright purple, and includes the following message:

Dr. Wondertainment's SUPREME Lemon Bread™

Hey kids! You already know all about the famed and brilliant Dr. Wondertainment, but did you know that she makes more than just toys, candy and morally ambiguous human experiments? That's right! For a limited time only you can try our brand new Dr. Wondertainment's SUPREME Lemon Bread™. Bask in the wonderific® power of the ultimate lemon bread in the entire universe!

Warning! The supreme lemon flavor of Dr. Wondertainment's SUPREME Lemon Bread™ is not suitable for children under the age of five, pregnant women or people who don't enjoy the taste of lemon. While Dr. Wondertainment does not believe that anyone could possibly harm themselves with this product, assuming that it is used only in a reasonable manner, Dr. Wondertainment and associates are still not responsible if you somehow manage to pull it off. Please read all nutrition information before consuming this or any other Wondertainment™ food product. Do not attempt to consume Wondertainment™ nonfood products. Only use this product in a reasonable manner(1).

(1) That means you, Foundation goons! We know you're reading this!

SCP-XXXX's expiration date is listed as 'Heat Death'. SCP-XXXX's ingredient list is consistent with nonanomalous lemon bread except the second ingredient is listed as 'Whimsy'. SCP-XXXX does not spoil or mold. It is resistant to extreme to temperatures up to 50 C or down to -30 C, retaining its texture and flavor despite exposure to either. Each serving of SCP-XXXX is stated to contain 1000 calories along with high amounts of all dietary vitamins.

Discovery: SCP-XXXX came to the Foundation's attention in December 2011. The Foundation had been observing the Manna Charitable Foundation's activities when it was noted that MCF workers in Egypt had been noted to be distributing an unidentified suspicious item to civilians in a drought afflicted region. Foundation personnel were sent to investigate. A truck containing several hundred instances of SCP-XXXX was intercepted and the objects were seized and taken into Foundation custody.

Addendum: Shortly after the initial seizure of the SCP-XXXX instances the following email was received by Site Director BLACKBOX Andrews,

Dear Andrews,

Hello, it's me again. Now while I hate to bother you again, especially after that fiasco last time we were in contact, I believe a mistake of some sort has occurred. It has come to my attention that you have recently obtained a certain item that my organization was using for disaster relief. So, long story short we will be needing that back. Thanks in advance.

[REDACTED] Andrews

Footnotes

1. Group Of Interest