Per 
Photo of SCP-XXXX-J
Special Containment Procedures: Any information leaked to the public regarding SCP-XXXX-J is to be expunged immediately. Foundation personnel are advised to keep the existence of SCP-XXXX-J a joke among internet cultures in order to remove any awareness of SCP-XXXX-J's existence.
Multiple Ice cream machines fundamentally different from SCP-XXXX-J and its non-functioning counterparts have been set up in various McDonald's locations that are fully functional in an attempt to further expunge SCP-XXXX-J's existence. SCP-XXXX-J must have a tracking device on it at all times.
To avoid unsactioned use of SCP-XXXX-j, all onsite personel must be both lactose intolorant and not extremely self distructive1. Since incident XXXX-127-j site directors are no longer the exception to this rule. Since incident XXXX-485-j regional directors are no longer the exception to this rule. Since incident XXXX-1287-j O5 council members and the administrator are no longer the exception to this rule. Come on we are supposed to be a serious organization, what the fuck.2
Description: SCP-XXXX-J is an anomalous ice cream machine associated with the American fast-food chain McDonald's located in Israel. Despite McDonald's ice cream machines being widely known for breaking down due to poor design and overuse, SCP-XXXX-J appears to be in perfect working order.
SCP-XXXX-J-1 is the result when creating ice cream through the process in which the McDonald's food chain would use if they had access to working ice cream machines. SCP-XXXX-J is the only known way to obtain SCP-XXXX-J-1.
Though the mere existence of SCP-XXXX-J-1 is anomalous in and of itself, it is entirely safe to consume3 and described by personnel as, "the best ice cream they've ever tasted" when told it comes from either "SCP-XXXX-J" or "the only working McDonald's ice cream machine." However, when not informed of SCP-XXXX-J-1's source, they will describe it as, "eh, seems like the type of stuff McDonald's would make."
Addendum 1 (Containment Breach Log XXXX-J A): On 6/19/2018, SCP-XXXX-J was stolen. MTF Omega-38 ("Hamburgerlars") was sent out to retrieve SCP-XXXX-J.
Below is the mission log.
Mission: Retrieve the SCP-XXXX-J
Team Members:
Team Leader: Commander Ronald
Cyber Network Operator: Agent Mack
Team Negotiator: Agent Donald
We honestly don't know why this guy was on the mission: Grimace
Ronald: Remember, men. Word spreads about a working McDonald's ice cream machine, they'll be raiding our facilities before we can even order a goddamn Big Mac.
Donald: Got it.
Mack: I'm getting signals from the ice cream machine now, we clear to move in?
Ronald: Go, now! For the ice cream machine!
Grimace: Need… ice… cream…
Donald: Shit, the effects are getting to him.
Ronald: Wait, you guys let him eat the ice cream?!
Mack: Well, uh-
Ronald: He's already crazy for regular ice cream! Are you guys insane?!
Mack: He just kinda walked into the place, couldn't stop him, sorry-
Donald: We've got no time for this. Requesting permission to sedate Grimace.
Ronald: Permission granted… Fuck, man!
Donald: Calling in a medical team for Grimace. They should be coming in soon. Now let's get this damn ice cream machine.
Mack: I'm lookin' right now, seems like they've got a whole metric shit ton of guards roaming the place.
Donald: A lot of guards? You sure we didn't just stumble across another Foundation site?
Ronald: Wait a sec… What the hell? You're right!
Donald: I'm going inside, should be quick and easy. We're trusted members, after all.
Mack: Alright, tell us when you're done.
Donald: (over the radio) Oh, shit! What are you guys doing, get off me!
Ronald: You okay?!
Donald: What does it sound like?!
Mack: Requesting backup.
Ronald: Move, now!
Donald: I've got the machine, let's get-
[Donald is shot in the leg.]
Ronald: Hey! What do you think you're doing?! We're part of your team- AGH!
[Ronald is shot in the chest. Mack retreats to safety.]
Unnamed Guard: (from a distance) That's what happens when you try to steal the ice cream machine.
Note from Mack: I say we just let 'em have it. They're probably tired anyway.
Post Containment breach XXXX-J A: Site director Ham has officially called Mack a stupid quitter and ordered exactly 488,995 long-range Thermonuclear ballistic missiles to be launched in the general direction in which SCP-XXXX-J was being kept, the foundation was only able to supply 2,998 of such missiles, yet this was miraculously enough to destroy the small site that SCP-XXXX-J was being held. Dr.Ham then ordered SCP-XXXX-J to be relocated to his office for further security, this was denied and SCP-XXXX-J was instead relocated to O5-8's quarters.
Addendum 2 (Infomation Breach XXXX-J B): On 7/30/2020 00:10 information regarding SCP-XXXX-J was released to the public by an unknown source, the following happened directly afterward.:
7/30/2020 03:00: SCP-XXXX-J is seized by the South Korean government through force.
7/30/2020 10:17: The Chinese government threatens to declare war on South Korea if they do not surrender SCP-XXXX-J.
7/30/2020 10:20: The South Korean government denies the request and goes to war.
7/30/2020 12:14: after exhausting its entire military budget to ensure victory, the Chinese government Seizes SCP-XXXX-J.
7/30/2020 15:00: The United States of America threatens China with nuclear force in an attempt to obtain SCP-XXXX-J.
7/31/2020 00:27: during negotiations between the United States and China a Russian strike force captures SCP-XXXX-J.
7/31/2020 01:10: The catholic church declares SCP-XXXX-J to be a holy relic and demands it be stored in a museum.
7/31/2020 01:29: Multiple Foundation task forces attempt to recontain SCP-XXXX-J, but are captured after loudly arguing who should get the credit for the containment and asking the personnel guarding SCP-XXXX-J to settle the discussion.
7/31/2020 02:31: GOI-9999 ("The Church of The Cream Machine") is formed from a single reddit post and begin calling themselves "creamists."
7/31/2020 02:54: GOI-004 ("Church of The Broken God") claims SCP-XXXX-J is the heart of their "Broken God" and begin vandalizing every single broken McDonalds Ice Cream machine they can find.
7/31/2020 3:13: All countries worldwide declare war on each other breaking every single cease-fire and peace agreement present at the time and ultimately beginning world war 3.
7/31/2020 03:31: GOI-9999 ("The Church of The Cream Machine") becomes the predominant world religion with a 7 billion subscriber youtube channel and 3 billion follower Twitter account.
7/31/2020 05:54: The United States of America Launches the first nuke of world war 3 at Romania for some reason.
7/31/2020 07:34: 100% of the human population of earth join GOI-9999 but continue to fight over wether or not chocolate or vanilla should be considered the holiest flavor.
7/31/2020 09:30: all countries with nuclear arms immediately uses them resulting in mutually assured destruction and the death of all but 27 people. SCP-XXXX-J, still in Russia, is not destroyed by this and neither are any of its guards, miraculously.
7/31/2020 09:31: Russia is declared the winner of world war 3
7/31/2020 10:00: SCP-2000 is activated.
2/28/20184 12:25: SCP-XXXX-J is retrieved but the remaining members of GOI-9999 are able to escape and kill the MTF unit who captured them through unknown means, but only using the jar of peanut butter, potted plant, and pair of Milkyways they were allowed to bring with them during capture.
2/29/2018 14:30: GOI-9999 discover and begin using interdimensional travel in search of another instance of SCP-XXXX-J (Which they are yet to find).
End Log
Original Image: https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/be1196df-27b1-4e09-af07-00bdc3841284
