Per 
Personnel Files
A list of my characters.
914 Logs
Logs that I've written/am writing for 914
- Daughter board
- Electronics components
- Sports equipment
- Mainspring
- EarPods
- Cast-iron puzzles
- Worldsaves
- NT Rare: First test
- I'm meeeeltiiiiiing!
- Collab entry
- Halloween 2019
- Dross cognitohazard
- Vex
- Mark 2 STELLAR IMPACT
- SpOwOky OwOky Skeletons
- Biological testing
- Fragments
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 31/05/2019
Total Items: One daughter board from an Asus Eee PC, one 3.5mm audio connector.
Note: Visiting from the electronic anomalies team. The audio input on my laptop is really choppy, and it seems to be an issue with the jack, so I want to see if 914 can swap it out. - Intern Snevets
Input: All above.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A very small mechanical I/O kit, designed to fit into an unknown machine. The kit uses gears to transfer kinetic energy, a set of movable pins for data, and several thin plastic filaments to convey audio.
Note: I'm going to hold onto this until I figure out what it connects to. - Intern Snevets
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 20/06/2019
Total Items: Five large bins of assorted basic electronics components
Note: Just received a transfer order last night; seems I’ve been reassigned here. I look forward to working with you all. - Intern Snevets
Input: One bin
Setting: Coarse
Output: Cubes of various metals, piles of plastic pellets and ceramic component casings, powdered dyes, a ball bearing made of enamel, several drops of electrolyte gel, and a very small silicon crystal.
I looked over some of the older testing logs this morning. It seems a bit strange that each material is in a different form. - Intern Snevets
Input: One bin
Setting: 1:1
Output: A bin of basic clockwork parts. Notably, several parts are made out of materials that cause them to not function properly. (e.g. springs made of ceramic)
Input: One bin
Setting: Fine
Output: A bin of components shaped like puzzle pieces. The pieces are constructed in a manner that allows any piece to be connected to any other piece.
Input: One bin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: Unchanged A bin of parts which perfectly match theoretical values and produce no waste heat. Of special interest are the modified diodes and resistors: current flowing through the diodes in the reverse direction is returned out the cathode, rather than converted to heat, and the resistors are marked with a black tolerance band (according to standard resistor color code, black has no meaning as a tolerance band) which is invariably identified as denoting a tolerance of 0%.
Note: Sending the ‘perfect’ components for possible reverse-engineering. Let’s see if we can make more. - Intern Snevets
Input: One bin
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small metal figure, wielding a ceramic tantō and dressed in a kimono made of plastic film. Object animated briefly and proceeded to commit seppuku, bleeding electrolyte.
Note: I'm keeping the tantō - Intern Snevets
Note: No, you're not. - Veritas
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 22/06/2019
Total Items: One hockey referee's sweater, one soccer ball, one full set of football equipment.
I wasn't planning to do any testing today, but the gym was cleaning out some of their old stuff, so I asked if I could use a bit of it. Don't worry, it's all been disinfected. - Intern Snevets
Input: One hockey referee's sweater.
Setting: 1:1
Output: A miniature figure of a seeing-eye dog, complete with harness.
Input: One soccer ball.
Setting: Fine
Output: A tiny stage made of rubber and plastic.
So far, these seem to be based on sports stereotypes. Maybe the football gear will have something to do with concussions? - Intern Snevets
Input: One set of football equipment.
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An animate set of football equipment. Proceeded to charge out of the output booth at full speed, avoiding researchers, and collided with the far wall head first. It then proceeded to slam its "head" against the wall until the helmet cracked, at which point the equipment deanimated and collapsed. Remains found to be non-anomalous.
That was… frightening. - Intern Snevets
Name: Intern Snevets
Date:
Total Items: 5 ballpoint pens
Note: If we want to repair 914, one of the first things we need to know is how it's powered. We know that we have to wind the mainspring to make it run, but given that the mainspring is small enough to wind by hand, it seems unlikely that it could power a machine as large as 914 for the full 5-10 minutes needed to refine objects. There are several theories saying that 914 may have an alternative power source, but I believe that the machine may be extremely efficient, allowing it to run on the small amount of power held in the mainspring. All testing will be done with an input of one ballpoint pen, with the setting on Coarse.
Mainspring:
Output:
Functioning:
Baseline tests
Mainspring: Installed
Output: Disassembled pen
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Installed
Output: Cubes of metal and plastic, puddle of ink
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Installed
Output: Puddles of metal and plastic, cube of ink
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Installed
Output: Disassembled pen, components sorted by material
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Installed
Output: Powdered plastic, metal, and carbon black, puddles of solvent and rosin-based polymer
Functioning: Normal
Testing with winding key removed was planned but not carried out, as no alternative method of winding the mainspring could be found.
Testing with mainspring removed
Mainspring: Removed
Output: N/A
Functioning: Did not function
Tests 7-10 omitted, results identical to test 6.
Note: This was the expected result. These tests were to confirm that the mainspring is, at minimum, required for 914 to function. Further testing will be needed to confirm that it is the primary power source.
Testing with mainspring substituted
Note: For this set of tests, the mainspring has been replaced with an electric motor producing the same torque output as the mainspring. The speed is noted relative to the normal speed of the mainspring.
Mainspring: Motor, 1x speed
Output: An undifferentiated pile of powdered solids, drop of solvent.
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Motor, 1x speed
Output: Disassembled pen, with parts balanced on end in a stack.
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Motor, 1x speed
Output: Small diamond, hydrogen gas, copper bead, zinc bead, trace amounts of other elements.
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Motor, 1x speed
Output: Lump of plastic. Analysis found the center contained a piece of brass suspended in ink.
Functioning: Normal
Mainspring: Motor, 1x speed
Output: Same pen, disassembled. Marks suggest use of teeth to remove some pieces.
Functioning: Normal
Note: This is similar to the baseline results, but these results seem to be approaching what would be expected from nearby settings. The next test would be to see what happens if the motor is sped up.
Testing with motor at 2x speed.
Mainspring: Motor, 2x speed
Output: Half of a pen, piles of powdered plastic, metal, and ink.
Functioning: Refinement completed roughly 50% faster than baseline
Mainspring: Motor, 2x speed
Output: Cube of plastic, ink cartridge and ballpoint left unchanged.
Functioning: Refinement completed roughly 50% faster than baseline
Mainspring: Motor, 2x speed
Output: Plastic pellets, small piece of brass, puddle of ink, unchanged pen. Roughly 50% of the pen's mass had been removed, hollowing out sections of it and making it nonfunctional due to the point being crushed on use.
Functioning: Refinement completed roughly 50% faster than baseline
Mainspring: Motor, 2x speed
Output: Pen, sliced into 1mm thick pieces, spheres of plastic and metal, drop of ink.
Functioning: Refinement completed roughly 50% faster than baseline
Mainspring: Motor, 2x speed
Output: Half of a pen, split lengthwise, other half roughly pulled apart and sorted by material.
Functioning: Refinement completed roughly 50% faster than baseline
Note: Encroaching more on other settings, but it also ran twice as fast and disassembled only halfway.
Conclusion: Immediately, it appears that the motor provides more control over 914, which would be useful. However, it is also worth noting that the motor caused the outputs to encroach on other settings, for example, the teeth marks on the final normal speed output. Those marks show that the pen was disassembled with some force, rather than the clean separation that Coarse usually produces. Rough, however, leaves marks like that. On the other end of the spectrum is the second to last output on normal speed, the chunk of plastic filled with ink and copper. That is decidedly a 1:1 output, not Coarse, as it did not separate the parts or materials. In light of this, I would like to recommend that research into modification of 914 not be pursued, as it could result in 914 becoming even more unpredictable.
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 09/03/2019
Total Items: One set of Apple-brand “EarPods”
After last time, I’ve decided to go with something safer. I’ve always thought that these could use a bit higher audio quality - Intern Snevets
Input: EarPods
Setting: Fine
Output: Same set of EarPods, no longer functional.
Note: Whoever’s playing that music, turn it down. - Dr. Veritas
Note: The EarPods do function, but it would appear that sounds played by them are produced from a point inside the ears of Dr. Veritas, rather than the speakers.
Note: I’ve incinerated them myself. Not taking the chance that someone pulls them out of the bin. - Intern Snevets
Name: Intern Snevets
Date:
Total Items: Four cast-iron puzzles
Input: One cast-iron puzzle
Setting: Coarse
Output: The same puzzle, disassembled
Wait, really? - Intern Snevets
Input: One cast-iron puzzle
Setting: 1:1
Output: One cast-iron Rubik's Cube
Input: One cast-iron puzzle
Setting: Fine
Output: A significantly more difficult cast-iron puzzle
Input: One cast-iron puzzle
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A four-dimensional cast-iron puzzle
Note: Intern Snevets successfully disassembled and reassembled the puzzle in the time it took for a cognitohazard team to arrive. Testing has shown that viewing the item produces the same effects on the viewer as any other four-dimensional object, and Intern Snevets has not succeeded in solving the puzzle since.
Note: I'm not sure how I did it either. - Intern Snevets
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: DD/MM/YYYY
Total Items: One flash drive, containing a world save of the game *Terraria*
Input: Flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: A flash drive containing a copy of Site M-1. SCP-4335 found not to be present.
Note: Could someone explain to me why an MTF had to be called in? It's just a world save, right? - Intern Snevets
Name: Network Technician Rare
Date: 24/09/2019
Total Items: Three 512MB SD cards, each containing a copy of the paper “A Study of the Behavioral Differences between Anomalous and Baseline Felines,” by Samuel Rare.
Note: I minored in animal behavior, so I think most of the information in this should be valid. Even if it isn’t, I got to spend a lot of time with Jeff and Olive. - NT Rare
Input: One SD card
Setting: 1:1
Output: One SD card, containing the paper “A Study of the Behavioral Differences between Anomalous and Baseline Canines,” by Samuel Rare. Made available on the Foundation intranet, with a warning of possible inaccuracy.
Input: One SD card
Setting: Fine
Output: One Micro SD card, containing a research paper of the same name as the input, but including classified information on several SCPs. Submitted to RAISA, NT Rare amnesticized at conclusion of testing. A pile of plastic.
Input: One SD card
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A small, animate cat made of plastic and metal.
Note: Interesting. Something new to study. - NT Rare
Addendum: The cat has been found to be capable of swapping its voice with that of a human subject. When this occurs, the cat gains the ability to speak in the subject’s voice, and the subject becomes incapable of making any vocalization other than meowing. The cat has been placed in containment until a method of undoing this can be found.
Note: Meow! - Researcher Miniwa
Note: Dr. Veritas has discovered a method of counteracting the cognitohazard. Said method involves striking the cheek of the subject forcefully, while vocalising encouragement to ''snap out of it''. While unorthodox, this method has been effective on 100% of the victims so far. - Sedna
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 03/10/2019
Total Items: Three sets of circuit schematics, each comprising the full schematic for a TI-84 Plus graphing calculator
Input: One set of schematics
Setting: 1:1
Output: A set of circuit schematics for a Casio fx-9750GII graphing calculator
Input: One set of schematics
Setting: Fine
Output: Circuit schematic for a Raspberry Pi 4
Note: That’s… quite an upgrade. - Intern Snevets
Input: One set of schematics
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A sheet of paper holding an anomalous mathematical equation, based around the variable c, a ██-dimensional array representing Intern Snevets. The array is noted in full on one sheet of paper, and substituting all instances of c with their noted value produces a cognitohazard that causes the viewer to temporarily refer to others by their online handle.
Addendum: Further testing has shown that editing the values of the array has several detrimental effects on Intern Snevets. Due to concerns about what would occur if the paper were destroyed, it has been laminated and placed in secure storage.
Note: Apparently, removing numbers from the array causes parts of my body to disintegrate or my organs to fail. I don’t ever want to experience cardiac arrest ever again. - Intern Snevets
Name: Intern Snevets
Input: One of the above boxes
Setting: Fine
Output: A wooden memory module for a quantum computer. Non-functional due to having no metal components.
Test 914-1188
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 31/10/2019
Total Items: One plastic skeleton, one Freddy Kruger animatronic Halloween decoration, assorted Halloween-themed baked goods
Input: All of the above
Setting: Fine
Output: A humanoid animatronic, designed to look like a generic baker. Possesses a cognitohazardous effect causing the viewer to believe that a recent baking competition (later found to have not actually occurred) was won by a team made up of nine heavily mutilated corpses. Does not prevent the viewer from realizing how unusual such an event would be.
Test 914-1253
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 17/11/2019
Total Items: A list of all researchers involved with SCP-914
Input: List of researchers
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A cognitohazard causing all who view it to believe that they are Researcher A. Dross
Note: Why Dross? Why not someone else? - Intern Snevets
Note: Excuse me, I’m very good at my job thank you - Researcher A. Dross
Addendum: The previous note was later found to have been written by Dr. Zavalosa while under the effects of the cognitohazard.
Test 914-1288
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 02/12/2019
Total Items: 0.5 m3 scrap metal, 450 cm3 beach sand, two liters of seawater.
Note: Took a trip down to the beach over the weekend. I brought back a few things to test with. The seawater is sterilized, before anyone asks. - Intern Snevets
Input: 0.1 m3 scrap metal, 150 cm3 silicon
Setting: 1:1
Output: A simple clock. Does not function properly due to friction between gears.
Input: 0.2 m3 scrap metal, 150 cm3 silicon
Setting: Fine
Output: A set of ten ornate copper-plated steel throwing knives. Exited the Output booth at approximately 30 m/s and successfully pinned attending D-Class to the opposite wall. No injuries, D-Class dismissed and a replacement brought down before testing resumed.
Note: Heavy, but usable. And they look nice, too. Requesting permission to keep these. - Intern Snevets
Note: Your usage of the word ''usable'' earned you a negative, there. Placed in anomalous storage. - Veritas
Input: 0.2 m3 brass, 150 cm3 silicon, 2 liters sea water
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A chassis of an unknown model of autonomous machine. At the core is a sealed glass object, later found to contain a previously unknown species of radiolaria, suspended in a nutrient solution with an electrical current running through it. Radiolaria believed to have come from dead bacteria and other small biologics found in the water.
Note: Interestingly, these radiolaria appear to be in some way integral to the functioning of this robot. Removing them causes it to cease functioning. They also appear to be capable of feeding off their own waste, explaining how they can survive in such a small closed system like this. - Intern Snevets
Addendum: Further testing has revealed that the radiolaria are capable of independent locomotion. When placed in a fluid outside the chassis, they form small clouds and "tendrils" with a defined edge, and search for the chassis. It is currently unknown what purpose this serves.
Note: We managed to get a computer hooked up to this thing's central processor, and it's rather interesting what we're seeing: It's simulating us. This thing is simulating us. It's about an hour ahead, and it has managed to depict every Staff member and general personnel down to the quantum level. Actually, down to particles smaller than any quanta currently known. In the past 24 hours, it hasn't made a single mistake. And seeing as it's outputting an existing video format, I can only assume that it simulated us linking it to a computer and adjusted its output to match. Its processing power must be immense, given the scale of the simulation. I'll need to thank Hackett for giving me time off to join the lab staff on this. - Network Technician Rare
Addendum: Item and radiolaria have been incinerated following its misuse to view several female personnel changing. The offending Staff member has been terminated.
Test 914-1368
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 12/01/2020
Total Items: 3 S.P.H.E.R.E.S. satellites, 3 images of the centaur 7066 Nessus, 3 small used solid-fuel boosters, heat shielding tiles, scrap metal, tungsten-titanium alloy, copper wire, carbon fiber, kevlar, polyester fabric, rubber, plastic
Note: The S.P.H.E.R.E.S. satellites are currently still in testing aboard the ISS. I’m hoping 914 can create some sort of satellite with similar capabilities, but that is able to survive the temperature extremes and micrometeorite impacts experienced in space. I’ve included several materials not normally used because most conventional materials are too thick for this application. - Intern Snevets
Input: One S.P.H.E.R.E.S. satellite, one image of Nessus, one solid-fuel booster, approximately one third of all other materials
Setting: Fine
Output: A small unmanned spacecraft, resembling a Yagi-Uda television antenna in shape. Lacks a thrust control module, and therefore would likely undergo unplanned rapid disassembly due to inertial forces if it were actually deployed in space.
Input: One S.P.H.E.R.E.S. satellite, one image of Nessus, one solid-fuel booster, approximately one third of all other materials
Setting: Fine
Output: Input, physically unchanged. S.P.H.E.R.E.S. is now capable of determining the current date by unknown means, and has been programmed to draw out the “shape” of the current phase of Earth’s moon in 2D space when turned on.
Note: It’s rather odd for Fine to leave all of the inputs in such a large group unchanged like this. - Intern Snevets
Input: One S.P.H.E.R.E.S. satellite, one image of Nessus, one solid-fuel booster, approximately one third of all other materials
Setting: Fine
Output: One highly advanced armored spacesuit, made up of a skintight multi-layer suit with heavy armor locked to it via powerful electromagnets. Possesses an onboard digital assistant, which, upon initial activation, vocalized and displayed on the helmet’s heads-up display the phrase “Welcome to Mark 2 STELLAR IMPACT. Have a nice war!” Questioning of this digital assistant has revealed that the suit’s primary function is to allow the wearer to survive a fall from beyond the influence of a planet’s gravity with minimal reduction in velocity. A small solid-fuel booster on the back of the chestplate provides steering during free-fall.
Note: It took a while, but I managed to get this cleared for testing. I’m not allowed to know what anomaly was used, but they stuck the suit on a D-Class and sent him to roughly the altitude of a high-Earth orbit. The D-Class and the suit survived impact with no damage. - Intern Snevets
Name: Intern Snevets
Date: 31/10/2020
Total Items: Three flash drives, each containing a copy of a simple C#/.NET console program that uses the Console.Beep() method to play a simplified version of the song “Spooky Scary Skeletons”
Note: I’ve been too busy working on my degree to do much testing recently, but I had some free time today and decided to apply for a slot. It’s been a while, everyone. - Intern Snevets
Input: One flash drive
Setting: 1:1
Output: A flash drive of different make, containing a similar program which seems to simply play “Spooky Scary Skeletons” in a different key.
Note: The key for this version is actually the same as a parody of the song by Senzawa. - JR Boneka
Note: That seems like it could be a Coarse output to me. - Intern Snevets
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Fine
Output: The same flash drive. The program has been modified to allow audio to be mixed in a buffer of sorts, allowing both “vocals” and multiple instrumental channels of the song to play at the same time. However, the audio loops infinitely and the program runs in the background, so Task Manager is required to terminate it.
Input: One flash drive
Setting: Very Fine
Output: An SD card in a plastic case. Contains a program which, when run, appears to open an empty terminal window.
Addendum: After approximately half an hour, four animate, intact, complete human skeletons with no remaining flesh entered the facility, approached the test computer running the program, and began dancing to music that the program started playing upon their arrival. The skeletons deanimated once the music stopped, and efforts are being made to determine their source and return them to their proper resting places.
Note: For clarity, we did not just let them in. They broke the locks on the front doors, and security personnel that attempted to hold them down just got dragged across the floor. - Agent Sedna
Name: Intern Snevets
Date:
Total Items: 5.2 liters water, 560 grams vegetable shortening, 2000 grams whey protein, four small cat skeletons, vitamin and mineral supplements, nucleotide samples
Note: In my previous test, 914 managed to produce simple life using only dead bacteria and plant matter in water. I put in a request and received permission, with the condition that the test is supervised by a senior researcher and a number of armed members of security are on standby. - Intern Snevets
Input: 1.3 liters water, 140 grams vegetable shortening, 500 grams whey protein, one cat skeleton, vitamin and mineral supplements, nucleotide samples
Setting: 1:1
Output: Unchanged cat skeleton, sitting in a mixed puddle of the other inputs.
Input: 1.3 liters water, 140 grams vegetable shortening, 500 grams whey protein, one cat skeleton, vitamin and mineral supplements, nucleotide samples
Setting: 1:1
Output: A bottle, made of extremely thin bone, with the words “914-Brand Life Juice” etched on the side. Contains a mixture of the other inputs.
Note: This is the exact same thing as the first test. I’m switching to Fine, hopefully that will produce a proper organism. By the way, while this “Life Juice” is extremely nutritious aside from the lack of carbohydrates, it probably tastes terrible. - Intern Snevets
Input: 1.3 liters water, 140 grams vegetable shortening, 500 grams whey protein, one cat skeleton, vitamin and mineral supplements, nucleotide samples
Setting: Fine
Output: One raw beef eye round, containing an abnormally large bone.
Note: Almost there. I’m looking for something living, not just biological. - Intern Snevets
Input: 1.3 liters water, 140 grams vegetable shortening, 500 grams whey protein, one cat skeleton, vitamin and mineral supplements, nucleotide samples
Setting: Fine
Output: One ball python (python regius), of the "Admiral's Ball" color morph. Subject was extremely lethargic due to low body heat, and was easily contained.
Note: Success! - Intern Snevets
Addendum: Two days following this test, the output died due to a large number of genetic disorders and malformed organs.
Input: 1.3 liters water, 140 grams vegetable shortening, 500 grams whey protein, one cat skeleton, vitamin and mineral supplements, nucleotide samples
Setting: Fine
Output: One ball python (python regius), featuring a blue and grey color morph not naturally found in the species. When the output booth opened, the subject was extremely lethargic due to low body heat, and was easily contained. Testing has found that while it is, color aside, physically and mentally no different from a normal ball python, it serves as a carrier for an anomalous computer program, which is injected into a computer's memory and run when the snake comes into contact, and shuts down when contact is broken.
// Addendum: The program runs in a virtual machine, allowing it to function on any operating system, and appears to be an artificially intelligent digital assistant. It has shown the ability to remember information and conversations between sessions, indicating that the snake carries information in some way. However, it claims to have no control over the actions of the snake. Due to the way in which the assistant is run and the requirement of contact between the snake and the computer, it has proven impossible to obtain a copy of the program and keep it running for more than three hours.//
SCPs
Hopefully I can get at least one published.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
Description: SCP-XXXX is a plush toy representing a dog, believed to be a golden retriever, dressed in a size 3T ███████████-brand orange and yellow tie-dye shirt with a simple design of a person skateboarding printed on the front. The toy shows signs of heavy wear consistent with its age and usage prior to its acquisition by the Foundation (See Addendum XXXX.X). Due to fading of the tag, the manufacturer is unknown.
Should any human within ???????? Site-XX be allowed to remain in a state of severe emotional duress for a period of time greater than 24 hours, a Resolution Event will occur the next time that said person (hereafter SCP-XXXX-A) is alone in their sleeping quarters.
During a Resolution Event, SCP-XXXX-A's emotional state will be lifted indirectly via anomalous means, ranging from minor manipulation of probability to complete restoration of objects to a prior physical state. Resolution Events are invariably accompanied by a hallucinatory image of a golden retriever and the instantaneous relocation of SCP-XXXX to SCP-XXXX-A's sleeping quarters. Such events will not occur if lifting of the target's emotional duress cannot be achieved without harming or altering the physical/mental state of another living being.
Addendum XXXX.X: Revised description.
SCP-XXXX is an unknown form of thaumatological entity, referring to itself as a "Guardian," which generally presents itself as either an adult golden retriever or a variable number of adolescent golden retrievers.
Tales
Tales I'm either working on or have published.
Intern Snevets’ day starts a bit later than some of the other staff, at eight o’clock AM. Certainly, work is busy, and there’s a lot to do, but that’s no reason for him to deprive himself of sleep, especially in a place where mistakes can cause serious injuries or death. Besides, he’s quick to prepare in the morning, so he’ll probably be ready when his work starts at nine.
The alarm goes off, his phone blaring at max volume a loud, grating noise. Some people might prefer a gentler wake-up sound, but Snevets is a heavy sleeper, and this is what works best. He stays under the covers for a few minutes, allowing his mind to drag itself out of the fog of sleep. In the meantime, he pulls up Discord on his phone to check up on what’s happened while he was asleep.
Once he’s fully awake, he climbs out of bed and starts getting ready. He takes off the sweatpants and long-sleeve shirt he wears as pajamas, laying them out on the bed, and changes into a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt. Casual, but not relaxed, and practical. He brushes his shoulder-length hair and ties it back into a ponytail, then places a beanie-style hat on his head, one of the comfortable ones with a felt interior. With that done, he heads to the facility cafeteria for breakfast, grabbing his tablet off its charger on the way out.
When Snevets arrives at the cafeteria, the room contains mostly research staff, with a few members of security and some janitors who didn’t have time to eat earlier. He pours himself a large bowl of cereal, not really paying attention to which type he grabs, then heads over to sit with a few of the other interns and researchers.
He pulls up an ebook on his tablet and starts eating, then realizes that he’s accidentally grabbed the worst cereal the cafeteria has: plain corn flakes. Wondering to himself why plain corn flakes even exist, Snevets decides that it’s not worth it to go back for a something else, and goes back to reading.
Most of the meal is spent reading while he eats, occasionally broken up by conversation. Once he’s done, Snevets
Note: This log has been shared with the Foundation by GOI-2346 ("Darma Military Contractors") following an unanticipated collaboration between MTF-Zeta-5 ("Time's Iris") and DMC-Yankee-9 during a DMC anomaly collection mission1. During the events of the mission, MTF-Zeta-5’s recording devices were destroyed. Having no records from Zeta-5, this log was instead created using footage and audio from DMC-Yankee-9's recording devices. Notes have been added by Foundation record-keepers.
Personnel List:
Darma Military Contractors:
DMC-Yankee-Actual
DMC-Yankee-9-A (Callsign 'Boss')
DMC-Yankee-9-B (Callsign 'Fox')
DMC-Yankee-9-C (Callsign 'Ink')
DMC-Yankee-9-D (Callsign 'Rookie')
DMC-Yankee-9-Temp, Elliot Darma (Callsign 'Wolf')SCP Foundation:
MTF-Zeta-5-Alpha
MTF-Zeta-5-Beta
MTF-Zeta-5-Gamma
MTF-Zeta-5-Delta
Video starts showing the view from Boss's helmet cam. He appears to be in the passenger area of a Chinook helicopter. The camera pans around, showing four others. The other three members of Yankee-9 wear standard DMC combat gear, while the fourth, Mr. Darma, appears to be wearing an armored exoskeleton. All five carry C-11 Multirole Combat Systems2.
Boss: Camera check.
Fox: Good.
Ink: Good.
Rookie: I’m not getting anything from my body cam.
Boss: Is it turned on?
Rookie: Oh. Whoops. (Pause) Good.
Boss: President—
Wolf: Don’t. For now, I’m a member of your team. A subordinate. I’m Wolf.
Boss: Right. Wolf, cam check?
Wolf: Good.
(For the next ___ minutes, the logs record Yankee-9 performing pre-mission gear checks.)
Boss: Yankee-Actual, this is Yankee-9. Do you read?
Yankee-Actual: We read you, Yankee-9. Go ahead.
Boss: We’re ten minutes out from the drop zone. Still waiting on the mission briefing.
Yankee-Actual: Sending it now.
Boss is silent for several moments, presumably reading the mission briefing.
Boss: Okay, team. What we’re dealing with is a low-threat type-one localized temporal anomaly. Our job is to find the source, shut it down, and, if possible, bring it back for the eggheads in the tech department to ogle at.
Ink: A class-one… that’s time dilation, right? What’s the ratio?
Boss: Briefing says it’s around one to one, hour to year.
Rookie: So, for every hour outside, it’s a year inside. That’s not too bad.
Ink: Other way around.
Rookie: Oh.
Ink: What’s the radius?
Boss: So far, it’s contained inside an abandoned factory in . Less than half a mile around.
Wolf: Anything else we need to know?
Boss: We don’t know if anyone’s in there, the building is in danger of collapsing, and we have no floor plans.
Fox: So we’re going in blind.
Boss: Not exactly the best situation, but what’s the worst-case scenario? The building falls on top of us? It wouldn’t be the first time.
Rookie: Wait. You’ve had an entire building collapse on top of you?
Fox: A lot happens in this line of work. Especially on retrieval missions like this.
An indicator light near the passenger bay door turns red, and the a buzzing sound is heard. The door begins to open.
Boss: This is our stop!
The members of Yankee-9 disembark and move into formation. Boss and Wolf take point, and Fox is on rearguard. Rookie and Ink cover left and right.
Boss: Yankee-Actual, we have boots on the ground.
Yankee-Actual: Noted. Start mission timer on my mark. (Pause) Mark.
Mission timer starts. Yankee-9’s timer is now displayed in the upper-right corner of the feed.
Boss: Timer started. Green lights across the board.
Yankee-Actual: Then you are clear to enter the factory. Be aware, outside communications will be completely cut off once you enter the anomaly’s area of effect.
Boss: Understood. You heard him, team. Weapons free, let’s move.
Feed shows the facility is made up of two structures: the administrative offices, and the factory itself. The two buildings are connected by a hallway. Yankee-9 enters the factory structure through the loading dock. They stop at a large doorway in the far wall.
Boss: This should be the edge of the anomaly. Everyone ready?
(All answer in the affirmative.)
The team passes through the doorway. As they cross the threshold, all electronic devices malfunction, and the feed cuts out. Feed eventually returns to show a sideways view of one of the team's weapons lying on the floor nearby. They appear to be in the factory's storeroom/warehouse. Judging by the camera's position, it is assumed Boss is on the ground, lying on his side. The mission timer has advanced approximately ten minutes3. After several more minutes, the members of Yankee-9 regain consciousness.
Boss: Is everyone okay?
Fox: (Groans) What the hell happened?
Ink: Can't think right now. Too much pain.
Rookie: Does anyone else have a headache?
Wolf: Does anyone not?
Boss: Good. Everyone, one your feet! We're too exposed here.
The team retrieves their weapons. Moving through a doorway to their left, they enter what appears to have been the storeroom manager's office.
Boss: Equipment check. Is everything working properly?
The team runs through a shorter version of their pre-mission equipment check. Everything is confirmed to be working properly, but the loss of electronics function is noted.
Boss: Ok, then. Ink, any ideas on what just happened?
Ink: I'm guessing something to do with the time dilation. Maybe the brain can't function properly if it's traveling through time at two different speeds?
Wolf: That would explain why the mission timer didn't cut out when all the other electronics did. It has a mechanical backup.
Fox: If our brains stopped working, then why aren't we dead?
Ink: If your sink doesn't drain properly, does that mean that your house's entire plumbing system is damaged beyond repair?
Fox: Of course not!
Rookie: Oh! So we passed out because our brain signals weren't able to move properly, but then once we got onto this side completely, everything started flowing properly again. Like unclogging a pipe!
Ink: Exactly.
Boss: So that's going to happen again when we leave?
Wolf: That depends. Unless this anomaly has some strange quirk to it, disabling the source should instantaneously drop us back into the normal flow of time. If that happens, the change in time flow throughout our brains should stay even, and we'll be fine.
Ink: What he said.
Fox: Then let's shut it down!
Ink: We'll need to find it, first.
Rookie: Hey… uhhh… something just showed up on FM radio. Channel one-oh-five point seven.
All members of Yankee-9 tune their radios to FM 105.7. A string of long and short tones can be heard, repeating every few seconds.
Fox: That's Morse Code.
Rookie: What does it say?
Fox: Kid, didn't you learn Morse Code in training?
Rookie: I slept through it.
Boss: Cut the chatter. Rookie, when we get back, I'm suspending you until you learn Morse. For now, what you need to know is that this is an SOS. Wolf, should we respond?
Wolf: I may be the company president, but you're the team leader. It's your call.
Boss: Fine.
Boss begins broadcasting on channel FM 105.7. Fox translates the messages.
Boss: Unidentified signaler, this is Darma Military Contractors, Battalion Yankee, Squad 9. Do you copy? Over.
Note: Messages in all caps have been translated from Morse Code. Abbreviated spelling has been retained.
Signaler: COPY. DNT RCGNZ THT ID, BT THS IS FNDTN MTF ZTA 5. OVER.4
Boss: Zeta-5, is it? Why aren't you communicating over normal comms? Over.
MTF-Zeta-5: THRS SM1 HRE. HS EM WPNS. FRD R LCTRNCS. WE BLT TRNSCVR FRM WRKNG PRTS.5
[[footnoteblock title=""]]
What not to do
Mistakes I've made.
The time was 10:23 AM, and Doctor Lucius Veritas was sitting in his office at Site-19 Facility 23 when Researcher Laskenta waltzed in and placed a letter on his desk. Veritas took one glance at it and immediately knew what it was.
"No." He didn't care what the letter said, this was his facility, and he was not going to let one man's stupid idea cause its destruction.
"Just read it," Laskenta replied, a mile-wide grin splitting his face.
He picked up the envelope and tore open the seal. Inside was, as expected, a short letter from the 05 Council:
Doctors Arthur Hackett and Lucius Veritas,
The O5 Council has decided, by a vote of 7-3, 3 abstaining, to allow Researcher Laskenta to perform a single biological test with SCP-914. As per usual procedure for biological testing, he is to be afforded a higher tolerance for damage caused by the output.
Signed,
The O5 Council
Veritas looked back up at Laskenta, and spoke in a low voice. "Fine. One test. But I'm not giving you the extra leeway for damages, understood? The acceptable damages for this test will be the same as any other test, O5s be damned."
"Understood."
Laskenta turned and practically skipped out of the room.
Name: Researcher Laskenta
Date: ██/██/20██
Total Items: Researcher Laskenta's genitalsInput: Researcher Laskenta's genitals
Setting: Very Fine
Output: A square of stretched flesh that appears to be a restraining order, written in blood. Mass and DNA matches the inputNote: When 914 activated, Laskenta started screaming, as his genitals were crushed by gears and torn off. He was rushed to the infirmary. It was later found that the letter from the O5 council, supposedly approving this "biological testing", was a rather well-made forgery.
O5 said biological testing was banned. Laskenta was confused by the instruction, and got his d███ stuck in 914. I think they call it natural selection. - Intern Walker
The restraining order will be honored. Laskenta is no longer allowed within 300 meters of SCP-914. - Dr. Veritas
"Would you like to explain yourself?"
The next day, Researcher Laskenta found himself in a different administrative office, sitting across from Facility Director Arthur Hackett, with a large wad of cotton gauze taped to his nether regions. Or at least, what was left of them.
"So, uh… You remember a while ago, when Director Kondraki tried to fuck a bottle?" Laskenta was rightfully nervous as he asked the question. "I sort of figured, 'Well, if he can do it with a bottle, I can do it with 914.' Does that make sense?"
Clearly, it did not make sense, as Hackett launched into a tirade. "It absolutely does not! Even ignoring the massive logical leap needed, there are several issues with that. Namely, Kondraki wasn't able to. He got stuck, his apartment building caught fire, and he had to walk across the parking lot stark naked with a bottle on his dick. They made Doctor Gears give an entire presentation on the proper use of bottles, and he had to present a video on 'what to do if you get your dick stuck in a bottle.' Having people find out about something like that is one of the worst things that can happen to a man, and you tried to one-up him! Do you have any idea how badly this reflects on you? On me? Lucius? The entire 914 expirement team!? We're already known for having one of the highest casualty rates in the Foundation, and you had to get your dick ripped off by the machine! And what about you personally? You nearly bled out, your genitals are gone, you've been kicked off the research team because you aren't allowed anywhere near the machine, you'll probably be fired or even terminated for forging O5 documentation, and you'll never be able to have kids. Is that what you wanted!?"
Laskenta had been shrinking further and further into his seat as Hackett went on, and now thoroughly cowed, he replied in a small voice, "No, sir."
"Then what was the point of all this!?"
"I don't know, sir."
"Well, you better figure it out before they decide to terminate you! Now get out!"
Laskenta, having been released, calmly stepped out of the room… then bolted down the hall as quick as his feet could take him.
Originally posted as part of Ship in a Bottle. Reached -14 in under a day, at which point I deleted it.
- Did not get feedback
- Poor base idea
- Made the 914 logs seem unprofessional (resulting in Leveritas yelling at me, rightfully)
- Did not fit with linked canon
- Stuck someone else's dick in SCP-914
Other projects
Since these are at the bottom of the page, I'm not placing them in collapsibles unless they're especially long.
List of extant living 914 outputs
Tuna bread: A small loaf of bread in the shape of a tuna. Presumed missing. (0113)
SCP-682-BAC: A small copy of SCP-682 made of bacon. Sizzles as it moves. Status unknown. (0129)
Stress bear: Palm-sized teddy bear. Very friendly. Currently in containment. (0134)
Animated teddy bear: Enjoys piggyback rides, extremely affectionate. Belongs to Dr. Margeon. (0145)
LEGO X-Wing: Extremely hostile. Successfully escaped orbit, status unknown. (0151)
Kennedy: Small clockwork bald eagle. Clicks the US national anthem. Belongs to Dr. J P█████. (0175)
Chat bot: Steel head that talks. Possibly sentient. Awaiting approval for testing. (0177)
Robbie: Clockwork magpie that talks. Possibly sentient. Belongs to Dr. Rook. (0182)
Origami Hitler: Clumsily goose-steps around, boasting and threatening people. Available for kicking. (0182)
Wood blob: Essentially a large amoeba organism made of wood pulp. In containment. (0205)
Glacon.aic: An Artificial Intelligence Construct running on an IBM server. (0220)
IKEA assembler: Wooden automaton that assembles IKEA furniture. Not very good at it. In storage. (0228)
Tamagotchi dog: Plastic and metal Shih Tzu. Can answer yes/no questions. Belongs to Dr. Vonn. (0259)
Paper starship: Flies around and lets out paper people. In containment. (0268)
Putty amoeba: Covered in guitar pick spikes, extremely durable. In containment. (0288)
Grizzly MkV: Literally the character Grizzly MkV from the game Girls Frontline. (0328)
Arrest warrant German shepherd: An arrest warrant for Researcher Isaac Darby. In storage. (0348)Jeff: Porcelain mug shaped like a cat. Belongs to Intern Lunar.
Olive: Animate ball of olivine. Acts like a cat. Belongs to Researcher Jane Cho.
Gaming robot: Super intelligent robot with the personality of Izuna from No Game No Life.
Other interesting phenomena at Site-19 Facility 23
Parking lot eels: Anomalous garden eels that live in a section of the parking lot. They can swim through the asphalt in their area of the lot as if it's water, and they eat metal. Don't miss feeding time!
Chocolate-producing bees: A hive of stingless bees living on a cacao tree beside the parking lot. They produce chocolate instead of honey, but don't take any or Hackett will find you.
