Connor's stuff

Draft Description: Inspired by the myth of Anansi, and seeing the lack of African deities in the wiki, I've taken it upon myself to make an SCP about it. This is probably going to be bad (not gonna lie about that one) as I intend this article to include some serious meta bullshittery. This will be updated whenever I don't feel lazy and/or tired to write. I pray to Kalinin and kaktus that this does not get sent into the negatives.

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ERROR.






28274878284829.pde: KWKU_ananse/aaa.3/subroot.Program_established…
ERROR: LOADING FIELD.
FIELD_DESIGNATION "scp-4699" STATUS: COMPLETE


Awaiting system backup. Please wait…



ERROR: Internal system error: Field undefined. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRretry again?
04904040044403034-scp.eeeeee.eer.eee.#0450004200040444044040404043222444404
CODE_Failure_mtMr38882992nNNFNFEnmw48.Vakf32
FIELD_DESIGNATION: "scp-4699" HAS LOADED.eer.eee.LOCK_PAGE: undefined_pd.
ERROR: LOADING FIELD. Would you like to reroute?







Rerouting in progress…
Please do not turn off your mmmmmmmmmmmmm_Errrrror_scipnet: Unresponsive/Field: Null.














System Reboot in progress…














Rebooting Program designated: "scp-4699" COMPLETE.

Thanks, David. What the hell happened here?
- Technical Researcher Carmichael

Hell if I know. I've dealt with shit like this before; but this one's a unique clusterfuck if I've ever seen one. This thing just kept popping up in the database a couple times before one of the tech teams managed to nab it in the 4699 slot here. For some reason the system isn't kicking out a repair ticket like it normally should.
- Technical Researcher Rosen

That's fine. I'll take over from here.
- Technical Researcher Carmichael

Seriously? There's nothing here but technical fluff and maybe some document that's been randomized by the constant… whatever the hell it is that's making the whole thing screwed up. What're you gonna do? Pull out a magnifying glass out of your ear?
- Technical Researcher Rosen

First of all: That's medically inaccurate. Secondly: I'm just curious what the other guys saw before they asked us to fix it. If it helps, I'll let you know if there's any other problems or issues that need looking over before we report it.
- Technical Researcher Carmichael

Your funeral. I could use a break now anyway.
- Technical Researcher Rosen

You're such a fucking godsend, you know that, David?
- Technical Researcher Carmichael

Recreating File…

NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION RECORDS AND INFORMATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION

This file has been noted to possess extremely infectious memetic data. The Department of Memetics has analyzed infohazardous corruption within the contents of this file. Do not proceed if you do not have the appropriate security credentials.

Item #: SCP-4699

Object Class: N/A

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4699 does not exist. Due to the lack of information regarding the anomaly classified as SCP-4699, there are no containment procedures necessary for SCP-4699, nor is there any information pertaining to it.

However, the has been noted to contain multiple versions or iterations of an anomaly related to arachnids. A full list of these versions can be found below:

scp4699des: "WEB_OF_LIES"

SCP-4699

Item #: SCP-4699

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4699 is contained in a standard sound-proofed terrarium in the Biological Containment Wing of Site-66. The terrarium includes a small source of fresh running water, which is supplied by a 7.5 liter tank. The terrarium should not contain any members of the Arachnida family; any specimens found within or around the terrarium are to be terminated following a routine investigative sweep.

Description: SCP-4699 is a male Palystes castaneus (Huntsman spider). SCP-4699 is an intelligent entity capable of speaking fluently in English despite lacking the biological means to do so. When communicating with a human, SCP-4699 will attempt to discuss a seemingly random topic, tending towards using manipulation techniques and psychological tactics.

Addendum 4699.01: The following interview was conducted to question the nature of SCP-4699.

Interviewed: SCP-4699

Interviewer: Dr. Victrola, Senior Researcher specializing in Arachnology.

Foreword: The following interview was conducted before knowledge of SCP-4699's anomalous effects were known, after a

Dr. Victrola: Hello there, I would like you to answer some questions I have for you. First, what

Dr. Victrola: I think we're done here.

<End Log>

scp4699des: "8_EYES_8_LEGS"

SCP-4699

Item #: SCP-4699

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4699 is contained in a standard sound-proofed terrarium in the Biological Containment Wing of Site-66. The terrarium includes a small source of fresh running water, which is supplied by a 7.5 liter tank.

Description: SCP-4699 is a male Theraphosa blondi (Goliath birdeater spider) with a body length of 33.8 cm and a leg span of 60 cm. SCP-4699 is an intelligent entity capable of speaking fluently in English despite lacking the biological means to do so. SCP-4699 displays the ability to manipulate instances belonging to the Pholcidae family (Cellar spider). On at least 3 occasions, numbers of spiders have attempted to infiltrate the containment terrarium and breach SCP-4699's containment. It is unknown whether that SCP-4699 is controlling these instances to escape its terrarium or that the instances themselves are attempting to free SCP-4699 by their own volition as SCP-4699 refuses to divulge any information pertaining to these attempts.

scp4699des: "NAKUONA"

SCP-4699

Item #: SCP-4699

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4699

Description: SCP-4699 is a male Deinopis spinosa (Ogre-faced spider). SCP-4699 is capable of invoking rapid changes in weather patterns and other meteorological conditions, such as the creation of torrential rainfall in the westernmost region¹ of Africa, by way of rearing or raising its frontal appendages and moving them in a circular motion.

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Don't click.

Turn this entire thing into a story with some underlying meta elements told in the second person with Anansi revealing himself in the end.

Add the 4 dimensional spiders in the article

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:..._spider_--_net-casting_spider_..._Deinopis_sp._(6073689020).jpg

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Goliath_Tarantula_(Theraphosa_blondi)_(26062223168).jpg

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sparassidae_Palystes_castaneus_mature_female_9937s.jpg

Footnotes

1. West Africa has been defined as including 18 countries: Benin, Burkina Faso, the island nation of Cape Verde, Gambia, Ghana, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Ivory Coast, Liberia, Mali, Mauritania, Niger, Nigeria, the island of Saint Helena, Senegal, Sierra Leone and Togo.