An Egg

Item #: SCP-4143-J

Object Class: Egg.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4143-J is to be kept in a fucking kitchen. It doesn't matter how big it is, just make it a kitchen. Give it a fridge, maybe? Just don't break the goddamn egg.

Description: SCP-4143-J is a fucking egg. That's all it is, if you break it, your actions will have consequences. You're worst nightmare, yourself, of course, is gonna come out of that hell oval and strangle you till you see the end of the hallway. The goddamn light at the end of the tunnel. Don't betray the egg, don't break the egg, and praise almighty egg.

Addendum: Don't touch the egg if it's been 24 hours since it's last kill or it'll fuckin' capture you like a goddamn Pokeball, I'll tell you that. It'll capture you faster then a cowboy strangles up some caddle I'll tell you that, gotta catch em' all.

Interview Log:

Interviewed: D class ████.

Interviewer: Egg.

Foreword: D class ████ was forced into the kitchen and told to make an omelette using the egg on the table.

<Begin Log>

Interviewer: Ah, time to get an omelette, I'm starving.

Egg: …

Interviewer: Is this the egg? Yes it is, let's just crack this over the pan.. And..
D class ████ broke the egg.
Interviewer: AH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE I WENT INTO A MIRROR WITH SMUDGED SHARPIE ON IT, I'M FINNA BITCH SLAP THIS GODDAMN OMELETTE INTO-
D class ████ was then killed by strangulation due to pissing almighty egg off.

<End Log>

Closing Statement: The body of the D class was never found, however whatever is happening to him is worth it, he betrayed the egg, that is a sin.