Per 
- Template Stash
- MLM SCP
- SCbemail
- Don't get rid of anything
- Overnight Apocalypse
- CBT Audrey II Genie fuck you
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe/Euclid/Keter (indicate which class)
Special Containment Procedures: [Paragraphs explaining the procedures]
Description: [Paragraphs explaining the description]
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]
Interviewed: [The person, persons, or SCP being interviewed]
Interviewer: [Interviewer, can be blocked out using █]
Foreword: [Small passage describing the interview]
<Begin Log, [optional time info]>
Interviewer: [speech]
Person: [speech]
[Repeat as necessary]
<End Log, [optional time info]>
Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward]
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: The social media site Facebook is to be continually monitored by Foundation Webcrawler TSAT-Theta-KingRamses for individuals who display signs of SCP-XXXX infection. If infection can be confirmed with up to 78% confidence, the suspected SCP-XXXX-1 instance is to have their IP address tracked and be taken into custody. The potential SCP-XXXX-1 instance is to be placed into a Class 4 quarantine cell and thoroughly checked for SCP-XXXX.
If no SCP-XXXX is found within the subject, they are to be given Class A amnestics and released. If SCP-XXXX is found within the SCP-XXXX-1 instance, they are to be moved to permanent quarantine with other SCP-XXXX-1 instances. All known family members and friends of the SCP-XXXX-1 instance are to be tracked, amnesticised, and checked for pre-takeover stage SCP-XXXX.
Known signs of SCP-XXXX infection include:
- Joining multiple Multi-Level Marketing groups despite having shown little to no interest in them before
- Removing friends who are not part of MLM groups
- Drastic change in speech patterns to be far more feminine and increased use of emoticons
- Harshly attacking any person who openly shows negative views on MLMs or MLM associated products, such as essential oils or natural disease remedies. These attacks can be in the form of both aggressive messages over social media, or physical assault.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a genetically modified species of Toxoplasma.1 SCP-XXXX is nonlethal and gives no common symptoms such as coughing or sneezing to its host. SCP-XXXX is unable to visibly affect any species it infects aside from humans. When an instance of SCP-XXXX enters a human host, it will attempt to find a red blood cell to enter. The SCP-XXXX instance will use the cell's resources to make copies of itself. When 5,000+ copies have been made, SCP-XXXX will wait until it's host cell is inside the human's brain. The SCP-XXXX instances will burst from the cell and will attempt to enter neurons of the brain.
Through a currently unknown process, the SCP-XXXX instances are capable of drastically altering the personality of a human subject. SCP-XXXX will invariably alter a human's brain chemistry to that of a 45-year old human female. The subject, now classified as SCP-XXXX-1, will immediately show extreme interest in Multi-Level Marketing.2
Upon conversion into an SCP-XXXX-1 instance, the instance will immediately log into or create a Facebook account. Once logged in, SCP-XXXX-1 will attempt to find a person or SCP-XXXX-1 instance selling products or offering jobs for known Multi-Level Marketing corporations. If no computer is available, SCP-XXXX-1 will attempt to find other ways of joining a Multi-Level Marketing corporation, such as job listing or stores.
Addendum: Recovered logs
On 3/██/████, an email was sent from a currently unidentified IP address. This email contained vital information about the origin and function of SCP-XXXX.
Potential ideas: MLM Virus, An MLM harasses the foundation
Emaaaaail, mail, mail. Do do do maaaaaail, mail, mail! Boosh!
"Dear Strong Bad,
What would you do if you were captured by a secret government agency? What kind of agency would capture you and how would you get out?
Your number 1 fan,
Fritz."
Kidnapped by a government agency? Like the feds? You're implying I haven't already been captured and escaped and stole a bunch of secret government cold ones at least 15 times already!
It's the same kinda thing every time: I'll be sitting in my house watching TV or whatever and then like 7 military guys break in. I'm usually able to fight them off for like 3 hours until I start to pity them and let them win.
Cut to Strong Bad being repeatedly billy clubbed while shouting for mercy
Then they drag me into their van or helicopter or whatever and bring me to some run-down feather factory in Nevada. I get tossed in a cell and then left alone. Of course, I immediately begin planning my daring escape the second I don't have The Man's eyes on me.
Cut to Strong Bad apathetically banging his head into the wall
"C'mooooooon! thump Lemme out! thump I don't even know what I did! thump Can you at least tell me why you locked me up?"
"AO-98273, that information is classified."
"Isn't that, thump like, illegal?"
"The Foundation doesn't need to follow the law."
"Grooooooooan!"
If my persuasive bargaining doesn't work, I use my super-duper mage drill to burrow through earth's core and head back to Free Cou-
"Meh myeh meh meh meh meh!"
Cut away from Strong Bad's computer to see The Cheat next to Strong Bad
"'Break me out?' You've never broken me out!"
Cut to The Cheat in a lab coat and toupee walking down a corridor and stops a door labeled 'AO-98273'
"Meh meh myeh meh."
"I'm free to go? Oh, thank you, sir! I promise to never raid your Cold One's stash on the way out again!"
Cut back to The Cheat and Strong Bad at his computer
"Wait, that guy was you? Do you have, like, a job there?"
"Meh meh!"
"Since the heck when?"
"Myeh meh mehmehmeh."
"Well, do you have access to their Cold Ones?"
"Meh!"
"Well, then what are you waitin' for? Call up those military guys!"
Cut to Strong Bad and The Cheat lounging in Strong Bad's cell.
CG-ooooooow
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a standard safe class containment chamber at all times except during testing. Tests performed on SCP-XXXX require approval from SCP-XXXX's head researcher, currently Dr. Stanlern. All tests performed on SCP-XXXX are to be logged.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a globe with a keyboard attached at the base. The phrase "Everything is important" is crudely etched into the base. SCP-XXXX rotates at a constant speed, with a rotational period of 24 hours. SCP-XXXX is incapable of being spun by hand and does not react to force applied by pushing or striking it. SCP-XXXX is host to SCP-XXXX-1, a perfect replica of the human race. SCP-XXXX-1 are sentient and match humanity perfectly. When viewed through a microscope, researchers were able to locate themselves viewing SCP-XXXX. It is unknown if SCP-XXXX-1 entities are aware of their status as replicas.
When any word is typed into SCP-XXXX, that thing will be removed from SCP-XXXX. When something is removed from SCP-XXXX, the absence of it will cause SCP-XXXX-1's world to end. Once all SCP-XXXX-1 instances are terminated, SCP-XXXX will stop spinning, and typing a word into SCP-XXXX appears to do nothing. Typing the word "reset" into SCP-XXXX will cause all life to resume, once again mirroring reality.
Addendum: Recovery. SCP-XXXX was recovered on 3/11/2011 from the possession of Edith Tilmentu, who had died shortly before recovery. Ms. Tilmentu was a known hoarder, and her family was in the process of cleaning her house before selling it when SCP-XXXX was found. Local news stations were informed about SCP-XXXX by the Tilmentu family, and The Foundation became aware of SCP-XXXX. Object was recovered without incident, and a small disinformation campaign was run dismissing SCP-XXXX as a hoax.
Test Log:
Name: Dr. Stanlern
Date: 3/17/2011
Word Input: Oxygen
Result: All instances of SCP-XXXX-1 began to suffocate immediately after word was input.
Time Spinning: 38 seconds
Name: Dr. Stanlern
Date: 3/17/2011
Word Input: Toasters
Result: All toasters on SCP-XXXX disappeared. Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 began to panic. Instances begin to lose any faith in other appliances not disappearing and all large shopping malls soon go out of business. After this, SCP-XXXX's economy crashed worldwide, and eventually, all instances starved to death.
Time Spinning: 6 days, 18 hours, 4 minutes and 13 seconds.
Name: Dr. Stanlern
Date: 3/24/2011
Word Input: Pillows
Result: Pillows disappear from SCP-XXXX. Several news stations report on the disappearance. The SCP-XXXX equivalent of The Foundation attempts to lace drinking water with amnestics to prevent a Lifted Veil scenario. Every O5 member fails to get out of bed in time for their meetings for 15 days straight until The Foundation is discovered by the general populous. Barack Obama attends several meetings about The Foundation and develops a poor sleeping schedule. He falls asleep during a meeting with Kim Jogn-Un, who is incredibly angered by the apparent lack of respect he is receiving from Mr. Obama. In a sleep-deprived fit of rage, Kim Jong-Un sends 2 nuclear warheads to America, who promptly retaliate along with the UK and Russia. All nukes go off simultaneously, causing all life to die from radiation poisoning.
Time Spinning: 17 days, 4 hours, 52 minutes and 6 seconds.
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a high-value containment vault in Site-54. SCP-XXXX's vault is to be connected to Site-54's left wing with a hallway and is to be guarded by 4 automated defense turrets. No personnel are to be allowed access to SCP-XXXX without authorization from three level 4 site personnel. Any repeated requests to test SCP-XXXX will be reprimanded at the Site director's discretion, and repeated requests are to be met with relocation to a different Site.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a black electric guitar with red and white markings along its body, and the phrase "Overnight Apocalypse" emblazoned on its front face. SCP-XXXX does not match any known model of guitar and has several attachments atypical to guitars. These attachments include a metronome, a guitar pick holder, a cowbell, and several candle holders. All attachments connected to SCP-XXXX are irremovable, and SCP-XXXX is resistant to all damage unaffected by all damage inflicted on it.
When a person makes an attempt to play SCP-XXXX, they will be capable of playing it with moderate skill at a minimum, even if they have never played guitar or lack the digits necessary to play a typical guitar. Persons who play SCP-XXXX will be unable to stop playing until they expire or are terminated. When playing SCP-XXXX, the player, henceforth referred to as SCP-XXXX-1, will begin to manifest reality-warping capabilities and will use them to dismantle all surrounding matter. SCP-XXXX-1 will prioritize the destruction of aesthetically pleasing object objects thematically relevant to the song they are playing. These powers have manifested in forms such as firing beams of solar energy from the head of SCP-XXXX, releasing large quantities of fire from their mouths, and being able to destroy objects by swinging SCP-XXXX at said object, even if no contact is made. SCP-XXXX-1 will also begin to manifest physical traits including horns, wings, a tail, and dark red skin pigmentation. The abilities SCP-XXXX-1 is able to utilize appear to be based on what song SCP-XXXX-1 is playing. SCP-XXXX-1 has never played more than one song when playing SCP-XXXX and will repeat their chosen song until expiration.
Recovery: SCP-XXXX was recovered in Cleveland, Ohio, following reports of a terrorist attack at "The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame." An inebriated male named Douglas Watergate had attempted to play SCP-XXXX, which was on display along with several other significant, non-anomalous guitars. SCP-XXXX-1 managed to destroy 30% of the building before being terminated by local police. Foundation agents arrived and were able to recover SCP-XXXX without incident. Class-A amnestics were administered. to the local population via the water supply, and a misinformation campaign was enacted, responsibilizing the damage on a rouge terrorist attack.
Addendum: Incident log. Below is a list of incidents related to SCP-XXXX.
| Date of Incident | Background | Song played | Effects of SCP-XXXX |
| 17/7/2003 | Research Assistant Fredric Brown managed to gain access to SCP-XXXX via bribing the guards assigned to SCP-XXXX. Brown had moderate experience with playing guitar. | "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC. | SCP-XXXX-1 was able to utilize telekinesis, which it used to impale several researchers on rebar. SCP-XXXX-1 then escaped containment and began destroying the main road connecting Site-54 to ████. SCP-XXXX-1 was terminated via sniper rifle. |
| 14/8/2005 | Security Guard Diane LaMarca incapacitated her fellow guard assigned to SCP-XXXX. LaMarca was a known metal enthusiast and was in a metal band prior to this incident. | Metal cover of "In the Hall of the Mountain King" by Grieg. | SCP-XXXX-1 remained inside of SCP-XXXX's containment chamber playing the quieter portion of the piece before releasing a burst of heat at the song's famous crescendo. The burst incinerated the majority of Site-54's east wing and terminated 30 personnel. SCP-XXXX-1 was able to escape Site-54 and began destroying a nearby forest with fire. Subject terminated via ballistic missile. |
| 25/12/2007 | D-7431 utilized the Site-54 Christmas party to quietly make his way to SCP-XXXX's containment chamber and terminated SCP-XXXX's assigned guards with a stolen handgun. D-7431 owned a guitar shop prior to his arrest. | Rock cover of "Carol of the Bells". | SCP-XXXX-1 skin pigmentation turned blue instead of the typical red. A harsh snowstorm manifested rapidly over Site-54. SCP-XXXX-1 broke containment and began firing blue lasers at site personnel. These lasers instantly encased personnel in blocks of ice, killing them. SCP-XXXX-1 managed to reach the nearby city of ████████ and proceeded to destroy the large Christmas tree in the center of the city, along with several crucifixes. SCP-XXXX-1 was terminated via gunfire delivered by the Unusual Incidents Unit, who had been alerted of SCP-XXXX-1. Class-A amnestic administered to the United States population. Current Containment Procedures enacted. |
| 14/3/2008 | Head Custodian Jonathan Briggs managed to enter SCP-XXXX's containment chamber by ramming his car into Site-54's eastmost wall, where SCP-XXXX is located. Briggs had no known experience with guitars prior to this event. | "Wheels on the bus." | SCP-XXXX-1 transfigured into a tire and began rotating in place rapidly before accelerating at an estimated speed of 200kmph into a nearby airplane construction facility. SCP-XXXX-1 collided with a partially built aircraft and caused an explosion, terminating itself in the process. Explosion covered up as a workplace accident. |
| 17/3/2008 | Containment Manager Edith Nanet broke into SCP-XXXX's containment chamber during the reconstruction of the chamber. Nanet played ukelele in her church's choir. | "Yellow Submarine" by The Beetles | SCP-XXXX-1 transfigured itself into a nuclear submarine and began ramming itself into Site-54's eastmost wall. SCP-XXXX-1 was still capable of playing SCP-XXXX, despite lacking arms. SCP-XXXX-1 self-terminated due to internal damage causing the nuclear reactor in SCP-XXXX-1 to fail. SCP-XXXX-1 reverted to normal form upon termination. |
| 27/4/2011 | Chaos Insurgency member (Name unknown) managed to obtain SCP-XXXX-1 during a raid. Insurgent had no known prior experience with guitars. | "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses. | Jungle flora began growing rapidly inside of Site-54. SCP-XXXX-1 remained inside of SCP-XXXX's containment chamber until termination. Site-54's collection of board games transfigured into several tigers and began mauling site personnel and Chaos Insurgency members. SCP-XXXX-1 terminated via gunfire, presumed delivered by Chaos Insurgency member. |
| 19/4/2013 | Custodian Paul McHarris managed to get inside SCP-XXXX's chamber using a modified trash can lined with plate armor. McHarris was known to be a hobbyist guitar player. | "Big Iron" by Marty Robberts. | SCP-XXXX-1 removed one of the automated defense turrets guarding SCP-XXXX and modified it into an oversized handgun. SCP-XXXX-1 began firing mortar shells out of the handgun at site personnel. SCP-XXXX-1 was able to kill 20 Security Guards by causing Site-54's floor to become lubricated, causing the security guards to lose their balance and be unable to hit SCP-XXXX-1. Subject terminated via attack helicopter. |
| 8/9/2018 | William Kirt, the three-year-old son of Research Assistant Felicia Kirt managed to enter SCP-XXXX's containment chamber due to power failure. William Kirt had no prior experience with guitars. | "Crab Rave" by Noisestorm | SCP-XXXX-1 broke containment and flew into a nearby lake. Several minutes later, SCP-XXXX-1 emerged followed by a group of approximately 300 Fiddler Crabs. Security teams reposted that the crabs were playing "Flying V" guitars. SCP-XXXX-1 terminated via sniper rifle. |
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: epic
Special Containment Procedures: All information pertaining to SCP-XXXX including its properties, history, or summoning methods are to be heavily restricted. Any internet pages or forums pertaining to the supernatural, astrology or masochistic sexual activities are to be monitored by Foundation web crawlers for mentions of SCP-XXXX. All attempt to summon SCP-XXXX are to be tracked down and neutralized ASAP. Testing with SCP-XXXX is currently restricted, though the possibility of testing is still under O5 an Ethics Committee review.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an humanoid entity capable of granting wishes when undergoing the process of genital mutilation. SCP-XXXX resembles a typical human male, standing 2.8m tall and sports extravagant clothing typical of 16th century Arabian nobility. SCP-XXXX is capable of speech and is known to be able to speak all known languages, excluding French.
SCP-XXXX is able to be summoned by an individual by performing acts of genital torture on ones self. A sigil resembling the ████ constellation must be drawn in sexual lubricant must be present in the room, though exact size and location seems to be inconsequential. Upon being summoned, SCP-XXXX will inform the individual summoning them that they will be able to receive one wish if they perform genital mutilation on SCP-XXXX. An preferred method is not specified, but via testing it has been discovered that methods that cause the most pain result in wishes that have minimal or no hidden clauses.
Upon granting the wish, SCP-XXXX will demanifest. After this point, SCP-XXXX will continue to remanifest near the individual, now designated SCP-XXXX-1, at a seemingly arbitrary time past 6 pm. SCP-XXXX will request for SCP-XXXX-1 to perform genital mutilation on them again. SCP-XXXX will instantaneously demanifest if refused, but will still continue to remanifest nightly. SCP-XXXX has been known to grant wishes after these secondary manifestations, though not always, and rarely has even granted wishes when their advances are refused. After a minimum of fifteen manifestations, SCP-XXXX will manifest and abduct SCP-XXXX-1. No SCP-XXXX-1 instances have been able to be recovered.
Addendum:
Interviewed: [The person, persons, or SCP being interviewed]
Interviewer: [Interviewer, can be blocked out using █]
Foreword: [Small passage describing the interview]
<Begin Log, [optional time info]>
Interviewer: [speech]
Person: [speech]
[Repeat as necessary]
<End Log, [optional time info]>
Closing Statement: [Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward
