Item #: SCP-99826-J
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-99826-J is to be contained in a locker inside the office of Dr. Seo-jin Cho, as she is the only person who is, and is willing to be, aware of the object’s inner workings.
Description: SCP-99826-J is an anomalous device created on January 3rd, 2003 by Dr. Seo-jin Cho. It is capable of various functions, most of them producing a direct recreation of various memetic, metaphysical, conceptual, ontokinetic, temporal, and para-psychological anomalous phenomena currently known to the Foundation. As some of them are directly useful for the containment and/or research of many high-priority SCP objects, SCP-99826-J is classified as Thaumiel.
SCP-99826-J is in the shape of a wide metal screw pointing upwards, with a height of 0.65 meters. Inscribed on the bottom of the device is a stylized depiction of a human brain along with the words "THE MIND SCREW". It features a terminal screen, a miniature keyboard, and multiple buttons and switches labeled in an unknown language English using a convoluted writing system created by Dr. Cho.
Addendum 99826-J-1: The following are transcripts of some recorded instances in which the capabilities of SCP-99826-J were demonstrated by Dr. Cho.
Log 2003-01-04
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Cho is seen in a room, facing Researcher Lynn. SCP-99826-J is placed on a table between them.
Lynn: Was that a camera?
Cho: Yep, this is being recorded. It's the first demonstration outside of a lab setting, so I'd need to know what would happen if something went wrong.
Lynn: Right. (pauses) So you’re saying that this machine is going to make you speak in the color purple? Is it thaumaturgical?
Cho: Yes and yes. This machine, specifically, is powered by miniature Type-Yggdrasil Umbro-Spectral Class Cricetidic entities.
Lynn: … Tiny ghost hamsters?
Cho: Don’t call it that.
Dr. Cho types a string of commands on a miniature keyboard, and places her hand on the side of SCP-99826-J.
Cho: And… now I should be speaking in purple.
Lynn: Wow, that’s cool! It’s like… I’m hearing something I shouldn’t be able to?
Cho: Oh, yeah, I know that feeling. (chuckles) I call it “audiodissonance”.
Lynn: Wait, you can’t do that!
Cho: Do what?
Lynn: It’s supposed to be a feeling you can’t describe in words! You can’t just make up a word for it!
Cho: Oh. (facepalms) Right. Should I remove that word from existence, then?
Lynn: … You can do that?
Dr. Cho takes her hand off SCP-99826-J.
Cho: Yep! Watch.
Dr. Cho types on the miniature keyboard, and rotates the device to a button panel. A small, distressed squeaking sound emanates from within SCP-99826-J.
Cho: What flavor of removal do you want? Physical removal of the word, or just dissociation of meaning? Also, should I make it retroactive?
Lynn: Um, I don’t really want to cause a lot of trouble for the people over at Metaphysics, so… I’ll be choosing the dissociation option, and make it non-retroactive, please.
Cho: Alright then, one non-retroactive linguistic removal coming right up!
Dr. Cho presses a button on the panel.
(Silence for 3 seconds)
Lynn: Well, that was kind of anticlimactic.
Cho: What did you expect?
Lynn: Like, a bunch of researchers freaking out, or at least something a lot more dramatic than that to match the scale of the implications, you know?
A series of frantic footsteps and muffled exclamations can be heard from the distance, presumably from the Metaphysics Department.
Cho: (points to the hallway) Well, there you go.
Lynn: Huh.
Cho: I think I might have to report this to the Site Director.
Researcher Lynn sighs. Dr. Cho turns off the camera.
[END LOG]
Log 2003-01-07
[BEGIN LOG]
The video is taken from a security camera. Dr. Cho is seen walking through the hallway into view, carrying SCP-99826-J
Cho: (barely audible) Ugh, I should have added wheels to this thing.
A small pebble suddenly appears on the floor in front of Dr. Cho, who notices it and stops in her tracks.
Cho: Huh.
Dr. Cho crouches down and places SCP-99826-J on the floor to pick up the pebble. She examines it carefully before moving SCP-99826-J to its place and placing the pebble into a small compartment inside.
After typing into the miniature keyboard, she opens the compartment again to reveal that the pebble is no longer inside.
Cho: I hope that was the right way to deal with it.
Dr. Cho stands back up and resumes carrying SCP-99826-J down the hallway.
[END LOG]
Note: This incident has later been identified as the origin of 7 individual recorded temporal paradoxes, the causes of which were previously unknown. Dr. Cho has been reprimanded for this event and has been indefinitely banned from using any time-related function of SCP-99826-J.
Log 2003-01-08
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Cho walks into the cell of PoI-211.
Cho: Good morning, PoI-211.
PoI-211: Good morning.
Cho: How've things been since our last check-up? Any issues you want to talk about?
PoI-211: Well, apart from the fact that I’m indefinitely stuck here against my will, no, not much. I’ve just been spending my time reading the books you gave me.
Cho: That’s great!
Dr. Cho takes out a small plastic box, and places it on the table.
Cho: Today, I'm gonna ask you to you do a little test for me. Nothing dangerous; it’s just about checking if the effects of SCP-████ had any effect on your ability to grasp abstract concepts.
PoI-211 nods. Dr. Cho opens the plastic box to reveal a physical manifestation of the abstract concept of happiness, created by SCP-99826-J some minutes prior.
Cho: What do you see inside this box?
PoI-211: (hesitates) Wait, how is this even possible?
Cho: Could you pick it up?
PoI-211 reaches inside the box and takes out the happiness.
PoI-211: This feels… strange. Unreal, even. It feels like I’m holding something I’m not supposed to, something not meant to exist. What is the meaning of life? Are we ultimately meaningless in the grand—
Cho: (interrupting) Right, enough of that. Now can you hold it firmly in your hand?
PoI-211: Uh, sure.
PoI-211 grasps the abstract concept of happiness. Test concluded.
[END LOG]
Note: It has been determined that examinations such as the one presented above are significantly easier and less time-consuming when SCP-99826-J is used, compared to usual methods. As such, SCP-99826-J has been authorized to be utilized in this way.
Log [DATA LOST]
[BEGIN LOG]
Dr. Cho is sitting on a chair in an empty room. She is facing the camera. The video appears to be captured by a camera attached to SCP-99826-J.
Cho: You know, I’ve never actually studied pataphysics, but ever since I first learned about it, the concept always seemed so intriguing to me.
Dr. Cho starts walking towards the camera.
Cho: So, for the final mind screw, I will be acknowledging your existence, authors and readers.
Dr. Cho crouches down and stares into the camera for three minutes, smiling mischievously.
Cho: (whispering) I know you’re there.
Dr. Cho stares into the camera for two more minutes.
Cho: Ow, leg cramp.
[END LOG]
Item #: SCP-4786
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: All footage of SCP-4786 is to be expunged from civilian photography. Due to its remote location, no further containment measures are necessary at this time.
No reports of a civilian home disappearing have been recorded. Investigation into SCP-4786’s former location is ongoing.
Description: SCP-4786 is a large two-story American suburban house with a basement and back porch, located in [DATA EXPUNGED]. SCP-4786 is in a state of disrepair, with part of its roof having collapsed. The interior of SCP-4786 shows signs of recent habitation; it is speculated that SCP-4786 has been in this state for over 50 years.
The driveway leading out of SCP-4786 has been cleanly severed at approximately 10 meters. All connections to the power grid, water supply, and sewers have also been severed in a similar manner, terminating at a distance of approximately 25 meters from the center of the house.
Most organic matter in and around SCP-4786 was found to be completely dry on the surface, with little to no trace of water visible.
Four dead bodies were discovered inside SCP-4786, sitting on a couch facing a TV set in the living room. The bodies were unable to be identified due to excessive frost damage. Genetic samples are currently under investigation.
Discovery: SCP-4786 was first identified by civilian researchers on April 14th, 2034, on satellite footage of a region in the Hellas Planitia on Mars. Affiliated civilians were amnesticized, and the location was classified as SCP-4786 on May 8th, 2034.
Exploration of SCP-4786 was conducted via drone on August 20th, 2036.
 |
| Instances of SCP-2559-J-1 in containment |
Item #: SCP-2559-J
Object Class: Euclid (Keter pending)
Special Containment Procedures: All recovered instances of SCP-2559-J are to be relocated to Extradimensional Site-198. Relocation is to be supervised by at least 3 personnel from Site-199. Three instances of SCP-2559-J-1 are to be kept at Site-101 for testing. As of this time, the opening of SCP-2559-J is unable to be reached. Research on developing a way to seal SCP-2559-J is ongoing.
Description: SCP-2559-J is a small spherical area with a radius of approximately 2 meters, connected to a parallel universe. SCP-2559-J is currently located inside the former location of Site-197. Said universe appears to be filled with SCP-2559-J-1 instances, and therefore SCP-2559-J expels the instances into baseline at a predicted rate of 369 instances per second.
SCP-2559-J-1 are barely sentient entities resembling juvenile instances of various breeds of the domestic cat (Felis catus). SCP-2559-J-1 instances exert a repelling force onto each other, can survive through extreme pressure and heat, and are indestructible and incapable of feeling pain. Tests have shown that the fur of SCP-2559-J-1 instances can withstand forces of over 200 TN(teranewtons). It is hypothesized that they are able to withstand an infinite amount of force, but this hypothesis has not yet been tested. As of 2019-01-02, all tests involving hydraulic presses are disallowed.
SCP-2559-J-1 instances show great affection towards human beings. When put in close proximity with a human, SCP-2559-J-1 instances will typically repeatedly vocalize a purring sound or cuddle into a ball and fall asleep on top of said human. SCP-2559-J-1 instances do not need any food or water to survive.
SCP-2559-J was created when a slight malfunction of SCP-████ caused the portal to open into another parallel universe. Upon creation, SCP-2559-J destroyed Site-197 and all personnel and anomalies within. Shortly after, containment forces utilized another spatial anomaly to construct the temporary Extradimensional Site-198. Site-198 has since undergone six (6) expansions, and its inner capacity is currently about half the size of the Inner Solar System. Changes in flow rate show that with current atmospheric pressure, the flow will continue for approximately 30 million years.
Since SCP-2559-J is located in a large underground cavity caused by a previous breach on the location, the pile is barely visible from any major population points, making cover-up efforts minimal.
Note:
S: Min-woo Lee, Researcher, Site-101 Department of Cutology
R: Agatha Rights, Director, Site-199
Date: 2018-02-13
Subject: SCP-2559-J-1 Initial test
Director Rights,
The initial tests have been completed on SCP-2559-J-1-A. Here is a summary of the results:
Standard Surface Cuteness: 1.2 F
Neural Membrane Cuteness: N/A
Field Disturbance (standard Felis catus model):
- A = 0.232m
- B = 3.2m
- R1 = -3.98*10^44m
- R2 = -4.22*10^923m
If this data is indeed accurate, this would be the first time a cuteness level of over 1.0F has ever been observed in a disturbance field matching the Felis catus model. This also appears to be the cause of their strong repulsion force.
This leads us to hypothesize that under extreme pressure and reality fluctuation in the area, two instances of SCP-2559-J-1 in the mound may come close enough to each other to cause a point in space to achieve an external cuteness level above 1.0F, effectively reducing the Hume level to zero and creating a reality vacuum. There is a high chance that the kitten pile will cause a ZK-class Reality Failure in a few years if it keeps growing at the current rate.
Also, the external cuteness level at the location of Site-199 is expected to reach 0.003F by next week. I suggest that all mew-negative personnel in Site-199 be reassigned to another location, due to safety concerns.
Meow meow,
Min-woo Lee, Department of Cutology
[If you are reading this, you are part of Mobile Task Force Beta-749 (“Cuteness Benders”). If you are not part of the task force, please call your site’s administrative staff for amnesticization.]
—
Welcome, researcher.
You may have heard you were recruited into this task force because of your expertise in physics. That is partly true. Also some of you might be wondering why there were some people who were better at physics than you that we did not recruit.
Now we will tell you the truth. You are a mew-positive. You are one of the 0.8% of the population gifted with the inability to be affected by this anomaly, which currently holds a very high chance of causing an ZK class End-of-Reality scenario.
The purpose of Procedure 220-Cutefluff is simple: Stop the growing mound of kittens.
As you might already know, the entry point to Extradimensional Site-198 has been destroyed and had to be rebuilt six times.
What you might not know is that the relocation mechanism of Site-198 is only able to remove exactly 370 SCP-2559-J-1 instances every second, while SCP-2559-J itself expels them out at a rate of 370.021 instances per second. Which means the mound is growing.
The mound currently covers approximately 20,000 square kilometers and also has destroyed a major population center. The mound is unable to be percieved only because of initial containment measures involving antimemetic shielding over the entire area.
It is currently impossible to modify the relocation mechanism, and building another entry point to the pocket dimension would be highly dangerous. If the seventh entry point gets consumed and disabled by the mound, it is estimated that the entirety of North America will be covered in a matter of weeks. And by that point, the chance of a reality failure would already be fairly close to a hundred percent.
Two months ago, the cuteness level in Site-199 rose to critical levels. Mew-negative personnel assigned to SCP-2559-J before that point were considered indefinitely contaminated, and had to be terminated. Currently only mew-positive personnel are allowed to come in contact with any SCP-2559-J-1 instances. This is where you come in.
You are a team of many of the Foundation’s most skilled experts in cutology, spatial anomaly engineering, and fluid dynamics.
Subdivision One will be constructing an entrance point to another pocket dimension to relocate the excess SCP-2559-J-1 instances. Subdivision Two will be taking on the excavation mission to neutralize the anomaly.
After reading this, you will be briefed on the basics of Procedure 220-Cutefluff and will be assigned to specific duties afterwards.
The fate of the universe depends on you.
— O5-7
Per 
