- Ideas
- uh
- (T) Shades and Polo 2
- (T) Shades and Polo 1
- We Need Some Time Apart
- Victory Among Thieves (BB)
- Emotional Cauldron (BB)
- EO-11
- PCS (BB)
- A Gift From Mom (GY)
- Lucky Sevens (GY) (EX)
- The Beginning (GY)(EX)
- 404
- Unknown
- The Worst Joke Ever Told
The MOM Investigation (EO-11, WNSTA, Gas Ghosts, UIU "Forget-me-too", Disco-Ord, Beach Brawl at the Bayhouse, Studio Shakedown)
All is terminal (Sumerian, Phoenician, Latin, Venetic, Egyptian)
Tales:
An Empty UIU
S&P 1-7
Department of Temporal Anomalies' Temputoric Subdivision (TATS) welcome and instruction notice (+hub?)
Shark Paramilitary Combine GoI Format
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Terminal
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the nature of SCP-XXXX, it is not considered containable. Foundation efforts should be focused on the suppression, confiscation, and/or destruction or alteration of any knowledge, documentation, or physical evidence of the true nature of SCP-XXXX, with the exemption of this article.
Any and all documentation determined to have been created prior to 30 B.C. or discuss the pre-Intermina-Disruption universe or the event therein is to be confiscated and catalogued. All copies thereof are to be destroyed and replaced with rewritten documents which present information that conforms to standard reality and still supports existing historical facts and evidence. In the event that existing historical evidence contains the documentation,1 copies of the documentation are to be created in paper or painting form and catalogued, and said documentation is to be either destroyed or reintegrated under the interpretation that the documentation depicts mythical deities or are depictions of a religion's afterlife. Civilians who have discovered this documentation are to be administered Type-F Amnestics or terminated if amnesticization is not effective.
MTF Osiris ("Royal Guards") has been formed with the sole directive of guarding SCP-XXXX-A. The location of SCP-XXXX-A is only to be made aware of to members of O5-Command, researchers granted level 4/XXXX access, and members of MTF Osiris. Level 4/XXXX researchers and members of MTF Osiris are to be administered Type-F Amnestics prior to being reintegrated into other sectors of the Foundation or society.
Foundation webcrawlers have been given the directive of tagging any information that may be potentially discussing the true nature of SCP-XXXX. If the information is determined to depict or describe the true nature of SCP-XXXX, it is to be deleted and the creator is to be located, interviewed, and administered Type-F Amnestics or terminated as deemed necessary, and the means by which they discovered the true nature of SCP-XXXX is to be investigated.
Due to the semi-incorporeal nature of SCP-XXXX-1, containment is not considered possible. As SCP-XXXX-1 poses a major threat to the Veil, Foundation efforts should be focused on appeasement. At the time of writing, SCP-XXXX-1 has been granted the following:
- Status as a Foundation researcher. SCP-XXXX-1 has requested to start as a Level-2 Research Assistant and to be promoted as is standard practice.
- Regular access to Egyptian artifacts, as well as continuous visits to Egypt, the details and frequency of which is to remain at her discretion.
- Forgiveness.
Description: SCP-XXXX refers to all living organism's ability to die, as well as the plane of reality within which life as we know it exists. More specifically, SCP-XXXX refers to all non-anomalous living organism's inability to continuously remain alive on this current plane of reality.
SCP-XXXX-A refers to the tomb of Marcus Antonius and Cleopatra VII Philopator (SCP-XXXX-1), located at 30° 09' N, 27° 94' E. The tomb is constructed beneath the surface of the sand in a pyramid formation, with the apex vertex pointing downward as opposed to upward. The inner walls of the tomb are engraved with ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, which have been translated below. These hieroglyphs, corroborated by SCP-XXXX-1 as well as pre and post Event Intermina-Disruption historical documentation, detail the events of and preceding Event Intermina-Disruption. (See Addendum XXXX-2)
SCP-XXXX-1 is, for all intents and purposes, immortal. SCP-XXXX-1 cannot experience any physical damage of any variety. SCP-XXXX-1 is capable of movement through solid objects when they are not being continuously recognized by another person as an object that one should otherwise not be capable of moving through. This ability ceases when SCP-XXXX-1 is within a 100mx100m area where SCP-6000-A is the central point. At the time of writing, SCP-XXXX-1 has no malicious intent towards the Foundation and agrees with the majority of its goals and practices.
Addendum XXXX-1: Summary of Discovered Historical Documentation
Original documentation of recorded history suggests that prior to Event Intermina-Disruption, all living organisms were provided an adequate section of space within which it continued a peaceful and uninterrupted existence. Neither death, pain, nor variants thereof were considered possible, let alone conceivable. The universe as we know it more likely consisted solely of an infinitely-large, flat plain, upon which all organisms born within this layer of reality resided. Organisms were provided with ample food and water. Breathable air was in massive abundance, and as there were no outer elements or forces, shelter was not considered necessary, nor was it an understood concept. Organisms capable of higher thought were generally provided with any and every item, entity, or substance they desired, within indeterminate reason.
Each organism's subsection of land was equal in proportion to those of the same species. Land would be divided into subsections based on religious beliefs prior to birth within our reality. Those who believed in a deity or deities would be governed by that deity/those deities. Those who did not would instead be governed by an unidentifiable governing body. These entities would determine what was considered reasonable or unreasonable requests. In the vast majority of cases, the entity or entities would provide the requested item, substance, or entity. Organisms incapable of higher thought, and by extensions holding religious beliefs, were simply provided for automatically.
Although the adjectives are present in literature which describes our plain of reality prior to Event Intermina-Disruption, no organisms are ever described as experiencing any forms of sadness, anger, or pain. Organisms capable of emotion experienced predominantly neutral or happy emotions. Every organism capable of experiencing emotion seemed to express general contentedness with their status quo. Organisms could not be harmed nor killed. The concept of pain or death was not considered conceivable until Event Intermina-Disruption.
Many works of literature have described this time period as "Valhalla," "Nirvana," "Heaven," or more simply, "The Afterlife."
Addendum 6000-2: Intermina-Disruption
Interview Log 6000
File Name: CleopatraTestimony_1
Interviewee: SCP-6000-1
Interviewer: O5-10
Date: 10/12/1994
Begin Log
O5-10: Please state your full name, for the record.
SCP-6000-1: I am Cleopatra the Seventh, Philopator.
O5-10: Thank you. Are you aware of why we have asked you to come here today?
SCP-6000-1: Not in it's entirety, I'm afraid. I presume, of course, that you wish to discuss some of the peculiarities about myself, yes?
O5-10: That's correct. May we ask you some questions about your abilities?
SCP-6000-1: Which abilities in particular?
O5-10: One of my employees tells me that you fell through the car seat on your way here. Are you aware that that is usually not something a human is capable of?
SCP-6000-1:
According to the Global Burden of Disease (GBD), 405,000 people were reported to have been killed as a result of homicide in 2017. That's 1 murder for every 1.3 minutes, 78 seconds. Most people don't realize it, believing that they're above it, but the truth is that given the right circumstances, anyone can kill. It could be your family. It could be your friends. It could be your coworkers. It could even be you.
Shades felt the wind in his hair, blowing into the overcoat of his suit. His tie flew up, flapping as the air blew by. He felt his weight shift backwards, pressing into the cool leather. The sickly-sweet scent of cigar smoke emanating off the shag carpeting filled his nose. His hearing came back, along with the sound of a roaring engine, rubber burning against asphalt, and old speakers blasting music of an older generation. His ears perked up, he recognized the tune. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, the name of the song sat on the very tip of his tongue, until the music track answered it for him:
DANCE! BOOGIE WONDERLAAAND!
His eyes shot open. The interior of a 1977 Chevy Stingray surrounded his body. He quickly took in the location. Leather seats, shag carpets, a whole red-orange interior placed against a smooth silver paintjob. The top was off, revealing a spread of stars across the dark purple sky. Air blowing by the car indicated that he was not, in fact, moving at his normal running speed anymore. He frantically looked around him. Behind him, there were stacks of music tapes scattered across the back, and an ominous-looking duffel bag. To his direct left was a steering wheel also covered in leather. The wheel was attached to an arm, and the arm was attached to a rather frantic-looking man in a yellow polo.
Out in front of him was a long stretch of road. No, not just road; It was a highway. A sign flew by on his right, a blue shield labelled "I-30." Interstate 30. He was doing roughly 90 miles an hour down Interstate 30, which was in-
"Ladies and Gentlemen, that was 'Boogie Wonderland' by Earth, Wind, and Fire. You're listening to KAAY, Little Rock's premiere Top 40 station!" The radio informed him. "It's five past ten, folks, and I'm thinkin-"
"Top Fourty!?" Shades yelled. "Oh shit! Where the fuck am I!?"
"Remember how I tried to tell you to not go through that door!? There was a reason for that!" Polo yelled over the sounds of the road roaring beneath the wheels. "We're in a fucking time loop now!"
"Oh shit! Oh god, you can't be serious! This is- wha- fuck! Fuck! What do we do!?" Shades blurted out in a panic.
"Listen! In a couple of minutes here, your vision's gonna go out! You're gonna see some instructions, and if you want to get out, you have to do exactly what it says! Your instructions will be highlighted yellow! You got me!?"
"How- what- How the fuck do you know any of this!? And would you please take your fucking foot off the gas!?"
"I got dragged into one once! They needed an extra, so they pulled me off the lot, gave me a rundown of the role, and told me to 'stick to the script'!" Polo explained. He shivered and took a deep breath. "I had to play in that well over 200 times! I fucking hated it, but at least we could play cards! This, I'm fucking terrified!"
"Well fuck, that makes two of us!"
Shades stopped talking to try and breathe. His face began to turn pale, and his stomach began to churn. He tried to shift even farther back into his seat, as if it would somehow help take pressure off his stomach. Polo's face went up a few shades of white too, and as the speedometer slowly turned farther and farther clockwise, he felt himself get sicker. Shades closed his eyes and swallowed as it came up; Polo bent over the side of the car and painted a section of the road green. Shades quickly grabbed the wheel to keep the car steady as he did.
The Buggles' "Video Killed the Radio Star" was most-decidedly not helping the situation. Shades pressed in the AM button, just to change it to something else. Easily-ignorable radio talk came on; An opinion block about Reagan's race against Jimmy Carter. Shades tried his best to steady his breathing, which was considerably difficult, as they seemed to be blowing by all of the good oxygen. Polo sank back into his seat, with his hand over his weak stomach and his foot finally off the gas. His eyes had watered up, this time more from being sick than being in emotional distress, although he was in the middle of both. Shades finally managed to relax his muscles. He let himself collapse a little, figuring out how to make the best of a bad situation. He started untensing his leg muscles, then letting his shoulders loose, then letting his arm dro-
"BANG!"
The two jumped, each experiencing their very own small-scale heart attack. It was at this point that Shades realized he was still gripping the dead man's gun, and that he had been ever since he stole it.
"Aw fuck. I can't believe I held on to this fucking thing. I'm sorry about that." Shades told Polo. "Fuck, I even put a hole in the floor. I hope I didn't hit anything important."
He had not hit anything important, although there was indeed a hole going straight down to the road beneath them. Shades looked up, then behind him, watching as the road disappeared over the horizon. He tossed the handgun over the roof and watched it bounce against the ground. Something about seeing it leave his general vicinity helped him settle down. Polo noted that they had now slowed down to about 75 mph, and he too finally allowed himself a small muscle relaxation. Not as much, as he was the driver, but he no longer felt quite as sick.
"Hey, don't you think it's odd that there's no other cars on the road?" Polo asked. "I just noticed that."
"It's like 10pm on a highway in Arkansas. In the 70s. I somehow don't expect it to be populated." Shades responded.
"Is that where we are? Arkansas?"
"You did hear the guy on the station earlier say 'Little Rock,' right? That would be in Arkansas. In fact, it's the capital, I think. You did pass U.S. history, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did in fact pass U.S. history. I know I look like a meathead but I'm not completely stupid."
There was a few moments of (relative) silence following that conversation. It was almost peaceful. A cool car out on the open road, wind in their hair, going nowhere with nowhere to go. In an odd way, it almost felt comforting, like home. Or it did, until a new voice on the radio perked up.
"Breaking news in the Little Rock area!" said the announcer. "Police have blockaded the highway on I-440 near Adam's Field Airport and the I-30 near Community Outreach in an attempt to catch who they believe to be the 'ghost of the I-30.' Now infamous for their string of gas-station robberies stretching across Interstate 30, the yet uncatchable, unidentifiable duo have stolen what is believed to be around 55,000 dollars from safes, ATMs, and registers. They've hit nearly every gas station from Texarkana to Benton. The only identifiable details about the criminals are their letterman jackets from the University of Arkansas, and their silver 1977 stingray corvette. Names and facial features are unclear at this time."
The two froze in their seats. Their blood turned to ice and they went into a state of paralyzation.
"That.. th-that c-can't be us, right?" Polo stuttered.
"I-I don't know. I don't think that's us. We aren't wearing those jackets."
Polo breathed a sigh of relief, followed by Shades' own sigh. Shades' personal moment of relaxation didn't last, however, as he remembered something. He turned to look behind him and spotted the duffel bag in the back of the car. He grabbed it by the handle and dragged it over to him, knocking tapes off the back platform and on to the ground, under the seats. He had to fight with the zipper for a short while before he finally managed to wrench it open.
Before him, now sitting in his lap, was two ski masks, two shotguns, two jackets labelled UA, and a considerable amount of hard, paper cash. Each item, curiously, seemed to be painted in splatters by a crimson red liquid. Some of it was dark red.
Shades bent his head over the side of the car and vomited. When he pulled himself back in and sat down, his vision turned black once again.
"What-"
"-the-"
"-fuck!?"
"What do you mean 'I shoot the clerk!'" Shades shouted, panicking. "What if I don't fucking want to!?"
"It means you shoot the frickin' clerk!" Polo yelled back. "If you don't, we have start all over again! Why do you think it's called a 'loop!'"
"No, you don't understand! I- I have to shoot and kill a live human being! That last guy, I had to! There was- I- I was panicking and we had to do something about him! I didn't mean to! I am actually going out there with the intent to end another human life. That's.. It's just so fucking different! I can't! I can't and I won't."
"Look, I'm sorry if you don't like the circumstances. I don't either. The fact of the matter is, we're only getting out of here one way. I understand if you don't want to shoot them, but unless you want to spend the rest of your life driving down this same strip of highway over and over again, you have to. Have. To."
Shades balled his hands into fists and tightened them, digging his nails into his palms slightly. He squeezed his eyelids shut and grimaced, then took a series of quick breaths. He realized he was sitting on the edge of his seat, so he slumped back and attempted to make himself slow his breathing. He tried his best to focus on figuring out how to calm down. It started with opening his hands again, keeping his breathing deep and slow, then dropping his shoulders and loosening his jaw. It was a series of techniques he had developed over time to help keep himself under control.
It worked, to some degree. At least, it did just up until Polo reached his right hand out to Shades' shoulder, leaving him steering one-handed. Shades leaned away from his hand, looking half-shocked and half-scared. Polo drew his hand back and put it back on the wheel.
"Okay, I understand. I'm sorry dude. Look, it's gonna be alright. We'll get to the gas station, get this over with, and then if you want, we can just turn ourselves over to those guys and all this will probably just blow over. That sounds okay?"
"No, no, we can't turn ourselves in. We- I killed one of them. That means we're probably the "shoot on sight" kind of targets now. We go home."
"I.. well, if you're certain, let's get it done then. How much longer to the exit?"
A couple of green signs flew by overhead. I-30
It is considerably rare that man experiences true, unrelenting chaos in the modern day. Chaos occurs only when there are no plans, no clues, no rules or guidelines to follow, not even personal senses of morality. Chaos hasn't truly been experienced by humans in thousands, perhaps millions of years. Perhaps it never has been experienced at all. That said, on extremely rare occasions, we come pretty damn close.
"Jesus, dude, what the hell are you doing?"
"Taking inventory."
Bottles of cleaning chemicals and sponges cascaded to the floor as the man in the aviator shades dug through the supplies.
"Okay, sure, but why?" The man in the polo shirt looked up at him and asked, with genuine curiosity and a slight tinge of annoyance present in his voice and across his face.
"You saw those guys out there as much as I did, hell you were walking next to them. They aren't just going to let us out."
"Why would they want us? I'm sure they're just getting us out of their way, and when they do whatever they need to do and leave, they'll let us out."
"Yeah, and what do you suppose they want to do? Kill Saturday? Take Jacobsen back? Plant C4 and light this whole studio up like a cigarette in a gas station? Even if they don't intend to march us out and execute us, I don't want to sit around and find out what they do have planned."
The man in the polo pressed his back against the cold concrete wall and slid down to the cold concrete ground. He sat for a moment, arms crossed, mildly upset. The exorbitant number of boxes laid out across the various shelves in the small room began making it feel smaller.
"So what do you propose we do?" He asked.
The man in the shades hopped down from the wooden shelf he had climbed up, bringing a cardboard box down with him.
"Once I work out a way out of here, I'm hopping the fence and running off into the woods. Hitchhike home. Ditch the country maybe."
Polo crawled over to the locked door which confined them to their small makeshift prison, and peered out the small window.
"There's like, two of them, in that room alone, and all they're doing is standing around. No, wait, there's a third next to the door here. Anyway, what makes you think they don't have the whole place surrounded?"
"Hope? Is that good enough for you? I'd say I'd steal Saturday's helicopter and get the hell out of dodge, but then, he probably took it himself."
Shades rummaged through the box, tossing its contents out. He then tossed it to the side and went back over to the wooden shelf.
"What are you looking for?" Polo asked.
"I don't know yet. Do you usually ask people this many questions, or just me?"
"Well fuck you too, I guess. I figure if I'm simply waiting on my own demise, I could at least make the best of it with a little talk, or something like that, but noooo, you have to be all dark and broody."
"So you intend to sit there and wait to die?"
"Your plan isn't any better. Once you get out of this room, they'll mow you down."
"When I get out of this room, I'll make a run-"
"Ah! So you don't have a plan! Don't try to tell me otherwise, you know you can't outrun a bullet, much less a constant spray of them. Fucking look at them!" Polo threw his arms in the direction of the window rather dramatically.
Shades pulled another box down from the shelf, and peered through the window. They were still there, in their grey suits, complex camera helmets, and carrying almost comedically large guns. Three of them, one by the door, one against the wall to their right, one at the far end of the room. The one on the right turned to look at them, face obscured by the dark plastic one-way viewer. The one in the back shrugged his shoulders and lifted his gun slightly, showing them (in a stunning display of extreme confidence) that if they tried anything, they would be issued a one-way express ticket to the afterlife. Shades waved, half-taunting them, then sat back down and began digging through the box.
"Well I don't suppose you have a better idea." Shades remarked, mildly upset.
A few minutes of silence passed. Shades had dug through several boxes by now, without finding anything he felt like not kicking across the room. The couple of lights dangling from the ceiling flickered. The back room they had been stuffed into began to feel increasingly more cramped. Polo tapped his foot against the concrete floor; the sound bounced off the walls. Shades groaned.
"Would you please stop doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"Tapping your foot! It's already hard to think."
"It's a nervous habit, alright!"
"Well can you at least do it less?"
"I can."
A few moments passed, and Polo did not slow down his rhythmic tapping. Instead, he made it slightly faster.
"Oh, you're one of those pricks. Fine then, would you please do it less?" Shades snapped, with a pinch of genuine distress in his tone.
"Depends, what do I get in return?"
"If you stop, then I will not light this can of spray paint and set you on fire."
"You don't have a lighter."
"Yeah, well.."
Another few moments passed. Polo stared at Shades, lost in thought, considering what he could get.
"Alright, I want two things. One: Tell me who you are, and how you got here. Two: Take me with you."
"I thought you wanted to sit around here and wait for death."
"Yeah, well, I've decided I want to be shot sooner rather than later, especially if you're just gonna leave me here alone."
"And you want all of that just to make you stop tapping your foot?"
"It seems just as valuable, it's just information really. I can keep up with you."
"I don't need a fucking tagalong, throw something else in."
"Twenty bucks?"
"Deal, but I'm not telling you who I am. If they drag us out and interview us, we won't be able to tell them who the other person is."
"Ugh. Fine, I don't like it, but you're right. Anyway, then, if you haven't worked out how we're getting out, you can start by telling me what brought you here."
Shades hopped down, slumped against the wall and slid down to the ground next to Polo, then began his usual routine with the box of things.
"So, I went to the Berkeley College of Art and Design, right." Shades stated, emptying the box. Polo nodded, half-listening. "Computer Animation. Wanted to worm my way into the credits of some Hollywood movie, some big animated feature film. Pixar or Dreamworks, something like that. Got through half a semester, couldn't keep up with the work. Eventually I was so far behind I just up and stopped going to classes. Er, hey, could you hand me that box?" Shades tossed the now empty cardboard container into the corner and pointed at a box on Polo's left. He stood up and lifted the box over to Shades, who flipped the lid open and returned to rummaging through it.
"Anyway, school throws me out. Took a greyhound back home, tried to come up with some story to feed my parents. I think I tried to convince them that I was just taking an off year, but I guess Dad didn't buy it. Funny how you're only family until you lose 20k. Decided I'd go out to Hollywood anyway, got a cheap apartment at the corner of Rat Drive and Dumpster Fire Road, stole a paper from the front desk and found the job offering."
Polo stared silently for a few seconds, then responded "Jesus man. I'm sor-"
"Don't even start. I'm breaking the arm of the next person to tell me that."
"Alright, alright, my bad."
Another few seconds passed. Polo laid back against the wall and lost himself in thought, trying to formulate a proper response.
"So why a tour guide?" Polo finally asked.
"It was what he had open. It was also one of the few things you didn't really need prior credentials for, given that it's just walking and talking."
"Does it at least pay alright?"
"It's minimum wage. Better than nothing, I suppose. Better than serving customers at a coffee shop."
"Ain't that the truth. My turn then, I guess. I was-"
"Woah, hang on."
Shades pulled a small firearm out of the box. He turned it around in his hand, ran his fingers over the barrel, held it up like he was going to fire it. The two looked at it, awestruck. They then both reached the same realization, being the power of the object in Shades' hand. If used properly, this could turn the tide, this could give them their escape. Shades peered into the barrel, but found it empty.
"Holy shit." Polo whispered.
"In-fucking-deed." Shades replied.
"Do you know anything about guns?" Polo asked, cocking his head to one side like a confused dog.
"Fuck, I was hoping you did. I think it's out of ammo anyway."
"Can I see it?"
"How should I know?"
Shades shot Polo a smug smile as the words left his mouth.
"Alright, alright, you got me. May I see it?"
"Sure, give it a shot."
Shades tossed the firearm at Polo, who fumbled it around in his hands in an attempt to catch it before it finally fell into his lap. He admired it, held it in his hand as though he were about to fire it at something, and stared into the empty barrel himself. Nothing, still.
"Making sure I'm not lying?" Shades remarked flippantly.
"I suppose so."
Polo began to fiddle with barrel, evidently searching for a method of opening it. He tried to twist it, pull it, felt around it for a switch or lever, a button somewhere, a slot to put a bullet in.
"Be careful, dude, that's ou-"
*click!*
Polo pushed down on the barrel and it shifted, the front end of it now pointing towards the ground and the back end of it now pointing up in the air. Detached from the firing mechanism, Polo now found that he could look through the back of the barrel and see out the front of it.
"Aw you fucking asshole, you broke it." Shades attempted to withhold his anger, less because he didn't want to explode and more because his therapist suggested it.
"I didn't, at least I don't think so. I think that's how you load it." Polo pushed under the barrel and it shifted back up into place, aiming forward once again.
"I think you slide the bullet in the back and then flip it back up."
"I guess I don't know for certain but that seems like a pretty big barrel. What do you think it takes?"
"How should I know? Shotgun shells, grenades maybe? If you found the gun in the box, then there must be ammo in one of these boxes too."
"That does track, I suppose."
Shades flipped the box upside-down, dumping out the remaining contents. A couple of palettes of amateur face paint fell out and crashed loudly onto the ground, followed by the fluttering of a handful of receipts. Shades stood up again, kicked the palettes away, tossed the box into his ever-growing pile of boxes, and grabbed a new one off one of the shelves. This time, Polo got up and grabbed a box of his own, setting the gun down on the dusty floor.
They both sat back down next to each other, the firearm laying on the ground between them. There was a short period of silence as they both began digging through the boxes, pulling out and tossing away empty containers of various makeup products. Polo then remembered their ongoing conversation, the one that had been haphazardly interrupted.
"Oh, yeah, anyway, where was I?"
"How you got here," Shades replied.
"Oh yeah." Polo cleared his throat and laid back against the wall again, putting his hands behind his head. "I was born in LA. Nice enough apartment, lived with my dad, never knew my mom. Well not really anyway, she just up and left a couple weeks after having me. I just always figured she didn't want to have a kid or something, and, uh.. I'm rambling too much."
Shades had been staring at him with an unmatched level of coldness and disinterest. He then turned his face back towards his box and tossed a few more things out of it.
"No, please, continue," Shades responded, more in an attempt to be polite than a genuine interest.
"Uhm, well, okay. My dad started giving me fighting lessons when I was ten. It was the back end of Los Angeles, so you kinda had to have them to live. Got good at it after a while, joined the boxing team. Eventually, the coach told me I was good enough to 'make it big'" Polo made quotation marks with his fingers as he spoke the words. "Said I could make money. Money was tight, my dad's income didn't really support us. Coach took me to an underground boxing ring, he put a few bucks on me and we split the winnings fifty-fifty. I kept the money to myself so I could save it up and show him once I had a lot, just to impress him. Coach and I would go back on the weekends, eventually the fifty-fifty started getting big. It also started getting harder to explain the black eyes, split lips, and bruises everywhere to my dad. Eventually he made me explain. I.."
Tears started to well up in Polo's eyes, so he bent his head down over his box, pretending to be more focused on it. He rubbed his eyes and closed them for a few moments, forcing the water back down the ducts.
"I dunno, man. I'd never seen him that.. disappointed? Distraught? He wasn't angry, just.. disappointed. I didn't know what to do, I thought I had done something good. I didn't go back, I tried to live with it for a while but some gears inside him had changed. Heard about this job from a friend of mine, a bunch of the guys had been trying to get in. Us unarmed guards get a bit over minimum, so the money was good. I send that extra bit back home when I can."
Shades sat silently. He gained an interest now. He couldn't quite work out why but there was a sense of pity growing in his chest, like he just had to help him.
"Well you might be a knucklehead, but at least you can punch, I suppose." Shades told him, trying to feign carelessness. Polo smiled and chuckled slightly.
Shades' attention turned back to their couple of boxes. "Also, I got nothin' in here, what about you?"
Polo turned his attention back to his own box, realizing he hadn't really touched its contents at all since he started talking.
"Oh, well, I guess I forgot to look. Sorry, I'll start now."
"Oh, for fuck's sake."
Shades pulled the box out of Polo's arms and started tossing things left and right, before coming to a sudden stop. He carefully pulled out a bronze cylinder, which was coincidentally just the right length and diameter to fit into the barrel of the gun.
"I guess that's our shot, so to speak." Polo said, smiling weakly.
Shades picked up the gun and opened the barrel, then slid the bronze cylinder in through the barrel's back. He shifted the barrel back into place. The round fit perfectly. He felt the new weight of the gun in his hands. He felt unusually powerful. As he held it in his palm and wrapped his index finger around the trigger, he found it took every ounce of willpower in him to not fire it into the wall, just to see what it felt like.
"Alright. Let's do this," Shades declared, jumping to his feet. He took a deep breath, stretched his arms and rolled his shoulder, and pushed his head from side to side. His body emitted a crackle of popping bones with each twist.
"Wait, wait, just like that? There's three guys and we have one bullet. We don't even know how to get the door open!"
"I bet you could kick it open."
"I am all upper body here, I have no kicking power. I could punch it, maybe, but that still wouldn't get it open."
"The lock's cheap and flimsy, just like everything else Saturday ever bought. You'd think he'd at least bother to keep his storage rooms safe but you can see the rust on this thing pretty clearly."
"Yeah, okay, fine. If I can't get it open, we can just work out a plan B, I suppose. God, I really don't like this plan. How do you intend to get past the goons out there?"
"Well, when the door flies open, it'll hit the guy here by the door. If my aim is good, then that'll take out the guy at the far end, I suppose."
"Okay, what about the third guy, the one against the wall on the right?"
"Uh, well.."
30 minutes ago…
Beginning Video Log Playback..
File Name: GOI-6656_InfiltrationLog1
MTF Team(s): Beta-2
Mission Lead(s): Beta Command Team Leader ██████, GOI-6656 lead investigator Dr. Patra
Camera: MTF Beta-2 03
Foreword: MTF Beta-2 has been tasked with securing a section of the facility owned by GoI-6656. GoI-6656 is believed to be housing gateways to numerous temputoric anomalies.
Begin Log
[[Skipping to designated event portion. A full transcript of this log may be acquired from the office of Dr. Patra, Head of TATS2 ]]
Tour Guide: Okay folks, that's going to conclude the first portion of our tour! Before we continue, is there any building you would like a tour of from this section of the studio lot that we didn't see?
Beta-2 01: Well, what about that building over there?
01 gestures towards a relatively-small garage building.
Tour Guide: Uhm, are you certain? That's a special effects storage building, it's mostly crates of effects materials, paints and things.
Tourist: I think we should just continue on then.
Beta-2 04: Actually, I'm curious about it as well. Could we at least look around?
Beta-2 03: Yeah actually, I'm attending college for film special effects.
Beta-2 02: Oh yeah, I am too, so that would be really cool.
Tour Guide: Er, well, okay then. Follow me, folks.
Tourist: I would really like to see some of the buildings on the rest of the tour though! I don't have a lot of time.
Tour Guide: Sorry, sir. We'll continue right after this.
Seven minutes pass as Beta-2 and the rest of the tour walk towards and enter the storage building.
The garage area is mostly empty. There are a number of doorways leading to various storage rooms that go deeper into the facility.
Command: Find a suitable area to detain the guide. We'll be sending other teams in through this site entrance shortly. The facility is considerably larger than we initially thought. Hold tight.
Beta-2 01: Understood, command!
Beta-2 06 and Beta-2 04 pin the guide to the ground.
Tour Guide: Guard! H-Help!
The tourist turns Beta-2 01 to face him and throws a strong right hook, sending 01 stumbling backwards. The tourist then turns to 02 and 05, and attempts to fend them off. 02 also gets knocked to the ground before 05 and 03 pin the tourist to the ground as well.
Beta-2 01: Coughs Christ almighty.. Put them in one of those storage closets. The smaller one, over there, maybe.
Beta-2 01 gestures to an unmarked storage room.
Beta-2 01: Ah, fuck. Okay, uh, once we do that, some of us are gonna have to go get proper gear. After that, uh, we can probably set up three of us in here, and the other four can go take the building across the road. Wait for the other teams to come in and set up camp here. That work, command?
Command: Understood, we'll be waiting here with your gear.
Back to the present…
Beginning Video Log Playback..
File Name: GOI-6656_InfiltrationLog2
MTF Team(s): Beta-2, Beta-3
Mission Lead(s): Beta Command Team Leader ██████, GOI-6656 lead investigator Dr. Patra
Camera: MTF Beta-2 02
Begin Log
Foreword: MTF Beta-2 has secured an open building for moving a mobile command hub into the studio. MTF Beta-2 is holding the site until the hub can be brought in.
Command: Okay, Beta Two, we're ready to start sending in Beta Three through Beta Seven.
Beta-2 01: Understood, command. We're getting terminally bored out here.
Command: Understood. Sending in Beta Three to clear section one.
Beta-2 04: Sounds good, command. Nothing happening in our building either, ready for action when you are.
Command: Understood.
A few minutes pass. MTF Beta-3 is seen running past some of the building's windows. Gunfire can be heard coming from outside.
Beta-2 02: Command, permission to engage?
Command: Negative. Open the garage door, though. We'll be bringing the mobile command hub in there shortly.
Beta-2 01: Understood.
Beta-2 01 presses a button on the wall next to him, and one of the garage doors begins to raise.
There is a blaring sound as the studio lot's PA system activates.
PA: Finally, some real fun! Come and get me, bitches!
The PA begins to broadcast "Saturday Night's Alright" by Elton John throughout the studio lot.
Beta-2 03: Command, are you hearing this?
Command: Loud and clear! Disregard at this time.
Beta-2 03: Understo-
An iron cannonball lands in the cement road outside of the building and explodes, leaving a large crater.
Beta-2 01: What the fuck!? Uh, Command!? Did you catch that!?
Command: Beta-2, we're currently sustaining heavy artillery fire! We're working out a new plan!
Beta-2 01: Okay, okay! Unders-
The door to the provisional detainment room swings open. The heavy steel door crushes Beta-2 01's arm.
Beta-2 03: Oh f-
The tour guide and the tourist are seen standing in the doorway before camera view is obscured by a bright red flare. The flare strikes Beta-2 03, who gets wounded as a result.
Beta-2 02 turns towards the door and raises his rifle when his visor is hit by the back end of a flare gun. Beta-2 02's helmet camera is damaged in the process, and video feed is lost.
Less than a second after he chucked the gun through the air, Shades turned and ran towards a door labelled "FX Acquisition Office 4." He grabbed Polo by the hand and pulled him in his direction, stopping Polo from running to the open garage door. It occurred to Shades at some point while the two were scrambling for the door that if he had missed that throw, there is a very good chance he would be cold and dead. A volley of bullets sprayed at them from behind as the guard by the door reached around it and attempted to shoot them. Shades grabbed the door handle and ripped it open, sprinting into the office with Polo trailing behind him. The LED lights in the room buzzed as they ran around a small group of office cubicles. Polo slammed his shoulder against the exit door in the back of the room, sending the two of them cascading into the open area between studio buildings.
"Oh shit, ohhh fuck!" Polo yelled, to no one in particular.
"Fucking hell!" Shades yelled in response. "Uh, quick, in here!"
He slammed into the door to the building next to the storage room and slammed it shut as Polo ran inside. They found themselves in a small janitor corridor. They both collapsed against opposing walls, desperately trying to suck in oxygen.
"Why.. why didn't we just go through the big.. the big door?" Polo barely managed to spit out.
"They.. fuck.. they came in from that entrance. There's.. there's probably more there.." Shades struggled to spit back at him.
"Uh, okay, what's the-"
The last uninjured "guard" threw the door open and ran into the corridor. He turned to see Shades and Polo standing in the hall, and for a brief few moments, the three stared at each other in utter shock and bewilderment. The guy managed to raise the small pistol in hands, but before he could get a shot out, Polo, acting on instinct, drove his right fist into his stomach. Shades pulled the gun out of his hand and opened fire, putting three rounds through his chest before he even managed to process what he was doing. They both stood still, staring at the dead man at their feet.
"Shit, shit shit shit, oh fucking hell!" Polo yelled, again at no one in particular.
"He.. he's dead! He's fucking dead! Uh, shit, what do we do?" Shades yelled back.
"Uh, oh fuuuck. Uh, we could just leave him!"
"Shit, yeah, okay, sure! What now?"
"I don't know, this was your plan!"
"I barely had a plan! Okay, fuck! I'm gonna go look!"
Shades stepped over the body and through the open door. He carefully moved himself across the side of the building and peeked his head around the corner. Teams of heavily-armed people seemed to be flooding in from every direction. Two groups were coming in from his right, another running across the studio's road directly in front of him, and to his left, there was a small team of them-
"-heading straight for us!" Shades yelled at Polo, in the corridor. "We gotta get through the building!"
Shades ran up to the door at the other end of the cramped hall and threw it open. Before him stood an empty space filled with pitch black nothing. The darkness from it seemed to creep down the hall. Shades would have found it particularly dark and depressing, were he not in a total state of panic.
"No, wait! You can't go i-" Polo attempted to shout out, but by then, Shades had already ran in to the open space. Polo looked around frantically, eyes darting around the room. "Fuck! Okay then!" He took a deep breath, then followed Shades in to the emptiness.
The PA system blared again, briefly cutting the music. A feminine, robotic voice took over.
"Studio Set Seven now filming!"
To be continued…
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: A perimeter is to be established surrounding the home containing SCP-XXXX. At the time of writing, this perimeter is to extend 50m away from SCP-XXXX in all directions, and is to be expanded as SCP-XXXX-1's range of reappearance increases. Site-XXXX has been established within the home in order to observe SCP-XXXX-1's reappearances and to document any appearances that are considered out of range.
Description:
SCP-XXXX is a large device constructed of sheets of tin and aluminum, glass, and various electrical components. The device's exterior consists solely of a door leading to the interior, with a pane of glass in the door to act as a window. The device possesses an interior consisting solely of a computer keyboard and CCTV display in one corner. The device appears to have been constructed hastily and with little regard to design quality. The actual material used for the device's construction appears to be entirely scrap or salvaged materials, as evidenced by SCP-XXXX-1's home and vehicle missing various metal and electrical components from shelves, walls, and other utilities. The window appears to have been constructed from shattered television screen remnants.
SCP-XXXX is, for all intents and purposes, indestructible and unusable. The device cannot be damaged in any manner, and all attempts to move, enter, or otherwise interact with the device have failed. Gathered data suggests that SCP-XXXX's primary function is as a rudimentary time machine, allowing its user to travel to previous periods in time across various timelines, but only allowing the user to view the events as opposed to altering them. Currently-accepted theory suggests that the device cannot be altered while it is in use, and as SCP-XXXX-1 is always using it, it will never be in an alterable state.
SCP-XXXX-1 is Roy Jacobsen, owner of the building containing, and self-proclaimed constructor of, SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX-1 phases in and out of reality at irregular intervals. Although SCP-XXXX-1 can displace at any moment and from any location, it will always reappear within 30m 40m 50m of SCP-XXXX, and will always do so in areas where space is not occupied by solid objects. The boundary with which SCP-XXXX-1 is capable of appearing within increases at a consistent rate of 2m per every 3 reappearances.
Addendum XXXX-1: Interview with SCP-XXXX-1.
File Name: Interview_XXXX
Date:** 1/7/1997
Interviewer: Dr. PatraInterviewee: SCP-XXXX-1
Beginning Log Auto-Transcription..
Foreword: This interview was conducted after it became apparent that SCP-XXXX had, presumably, experienced a minor malfunction, as SCP-XXXX-1 had not transitioned out of our reality and/or point in time after an abnormally-long stay. The impromptu interview was conducted in the field surrounding the house containing SCP-XXXX via Dr. Patra's audio-recording device.
Note: Dr. Patra had recently sprinted out of the house and 23m into the field to meet SCP-XXXX.
Dr. Patra: panting heavily. Hello.. Mr. Jacobsen.. How are you doing..?
SCP-XXXX-1: I'm sorry, are you speaking to me?
Dr. Patra: Yes, sir.. I am. deep breath. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
SCP-XXXX-1: Where is she? Is she in there? Did you take her?
Dr. Patra: I don't know who you're referring to, although I can say with certainty that we are not holding anyone captive. Who.. are you referring to?
SCP-XXXX-1: I. I don't know. Her. She. I lost her. I need to find her. I need to get her back. It will work. I need to make it work.
SCP-XXXX-1 takes off in a sprint back towards the house, and Dr. Patra chases it. On entering the building through the back door, SCP-XXXX-1 vanishes, presumably due to its regular displacement.
OOU Note: To-Do
Get crit for interview and desc.
Write Journal Entries?
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a standard containment chamber. The object will naturally furnish the chamber on its own with four (4) tables, desks, or podiums, through some means of teleportation. Three of these objects (SCP-XXXX-1, -2, -3) will be positioned so that they face one in the center (SCP-XXXX-H) and are next to each other.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a 5'10" humanoid wearing a black suit coat, red tie, white undershirt, and black trousers. While the figure is non-anomalous in appearance, the figure's voice will have a static-like tone to it, resembling that of an AM radio broadcast. The entity also continuously produces sounds akin to game show theme music from the 1980's, and has indicated that it has no control over either of these.
Although SCP-XXXX has displayed that it is capable of autonomous decision-making, it still follows a preset, unchangeable schedule throughout the day. The entity will spend 60 minutes engaging in an event referred to as SCP-XXXX-SHOW, followed by 10 minute interludes, during which the figure may interact with its environment freely. Despite this, SCP-XXXX either cannot or will not remove itself from the chamber, and will remain in its containment seemingly of its own will (see Addendum XXXX-1).
SCP-XXXX-SHOW refers to the aforementioned event, during which the entity will approach and stand behind SCP-XXXX-H, then announce the beginning of a new game show, hosted by itself. The name of said show changes with each occurrence, although it usually reflects the loser of the show's punishment.
The entity will then remove three other humans (SCP-XXXX-A, -B, -C, or "Contestants") from their current positions and place them behind XXXX-1 through 3, presumably through some means of teleportation. The entity will often, if not always, select subjects that have violated its own code of morals. These morals generally include all federal laws of the United States, but have also been noted to include alcoholism, compulsive lying, general disrespectfulness, and ignorance towards others. There may be more morals that have not yet been discovered, further observation is ongoing.
Following the rules outlined below, the entity is capable of creating small pocket dimensions, with varying contents, composed mostly of steel, and some punishment apparatus. The entity can create and remove hatches in the floor, through which XXXX-A, -B, and/or -C will fall into the dimension during the course of XXXX-SHOW. The dimension will also contain a steel ladder, through which they can exit via a secondary hatch created in a floor outside of the containment cell. Punishment apparatuses vary in extremity, depending on the combined starting scores of the contestants, and have been noted to range from large dunk tanks to beds of steel spikes. The title of the event given by SCP-XXXX often refers to the formatting of the apparatus; IE "Sharp Wit" was the title given for one particular occurrence during which the apparatus was a steel bedding constructed of large kitchen knives.
The following is a list of rules and instructions as to the general operation of XXXX-SHOW.
1 | XXXX-A through C will be given a numerical rating which is determined by how severely they have violated SCP-XXXX's set of morals. The total scores of all three players will be divided equally among them. |
2 | There are three rounds. To end each round, one contestant must lower their score, with the requirements increasing each round. |
3 | During each round, SCP-XXXX will ask questions, with the difficulty of the questions increasing each round. During round three, these can even include questions with answers previously unknown to mankind, or are currently unprovable. |
4 | Each round, the value of each correct answer increases. Round One answers will remove one point, Round Two answers will remove five, and Round Three answers will remove ten. |
5 | At the end of Rounds 2 and 3, the "contestant" with the highest score will fall through a hatch into XXXX's pocket dimension and is considered removed from the game. |
1 | XXXX-A through C will be given a numerical rating which is determined by how severely they have violated XXXX's set of morals. The scores per moral tend to vary but usually correspond to the severity, IE homicide will result in a higher score than alcoholism. The total scores of all three players will be divided equally among them. |
2 | There are three rounds. To end round one, one "contestant" must lower their score by 10 points. To end round two, one "contestant" must lower their score to one-half of the original starting score. To end round three, one "contestant" must lower their score to zero. |
3 | During each round, SCP-XXXX will ask questions, with the difficulty of the questions increasing each round. During round three, these can even include questions with answers previously unknown to mankind, or are currently unprovable. |
4 | Each round, the value of each correct answer increases. Round One answers will remove one point, Round Two answers will remove five, and Round Three answers will remove ten. |
5 | At the end of Rounds 2 and 3, the "contestant" with the highest score will fall through a trap door into XXXX's pocket dimension and is considered removed from the game. The "contestant" remaining at the end of the third round will be granted what the entity refers to as "a clean conscience." Only one instance has been recorded of any personnel "winning" the event. Thus, there is not enough evidence to determine the outcome of a win. |
Additional Note: Often, the third round is not properly concluded, and the "contestant" with the highest score will receive their punishment prematurely, usually around 2 minutes prior to the conclusion of the event. This is often due to the immense difficulty of the questions, resulting in neither "contestant" lowering their score by any meaningful amount, if they do lower it at all. Only one instance of a contestant winning the show has ever been recorded (see Addendum XXXX-SHOW-1).
Addendum XXXX-SHOW-1
Transcribing "SHOW_1"…
Transcription Complete, playing audio now..
The entity stands behind XXXX-H,3 facing three D-Class personnel (XXXX-A through C, respectively).
SCP-XXXX: Ladies, Gentlemen, and kids of all ages, welcome to another episode of..
SCP-XXXX emits the sound of a drum roll
SCP-XXXX: Cooking the Crooks!
XXXX-B: What kind of cheesy-ass title is that?
XXXX-A: Hey lad, just play along. I don't need to be gettin' in any more trouble, so if ya could just shut the fuck up and play, that'd be great.
SCP-XXXX: Now, to reveal what our lovely contestants will be playing for!
A hatch in front of XXXX-H swings open, revealing a drop into a container of burning coals.
A translucent yellow liquid leaks from XXXX-B's jumpsuit pants.
XXXX-A: Oh fuck.
SCP-XXXX: Now that we know the terms of loss, let's get this show on the road! We're running a tight schedule here, so as always, try your best to complete each round in as timely a manner as possible! Oh, and before I forget, for those of us tuning in for the first time, here are the rules.
recording is overlaid by a full written copy of the rules of the event
SCP-XXXX: Let's tally the scores, shall we? Contestant One (XXXX-A) joins us with three counts of first-degree homicide, and one count of arson, achieving a score of 54 points!
the number "54" becomes etched into the front of XXXX-1, followed by an audience applause.
XXXX-A: Hold on a minute, fucker, I di-
SCP-XXXX, loudly: Contestant Two (XXXX-B) follows just behind with two counts of premeditated murder, two counts of rather extreme domestic abuse, and many counts of aggravated assault, ouch. That nets you a total of.. 47 points!
XXXX-B sighs and slumps over their podium.
the number "47" becomes etched into the front of XXXX-2, followed by an audience applause.SCP-XXXX: And as for you, our rather silent friend! Contestant Three (XXXX-C) is playing today due to one count of vehicular manslaughter, rampant alcoholism, total apathy, disturbing the peace, and quite a large number of aggravated assaults! Funny how one can be apathetic and aggravated at the same time, don't you agree?
XXXX-C groans quietly
SCP-XXXX: That gives you the highest score, my friend, at a solid 65 points! Now, let's even out the score.
The numbers etched into the fronts of XXXX-1 through 3 now all read 55, the approximate average of the three scores.
SCP-XXXX: The first question of the game will go to our first player!
XXXX-A: Aw hell, that's me, innit. Will there be any math?
SCP-XXXX: How many frames does a round of bowling last?
XXXX-A: Uh, ten… I think?
the number etched into the front of XXXX-1 lowers to 54.
SCP-XXXX: Correct! Looks like we've got a natural here, folks! Your turn, Contestant Two!
XXXX-B: Why in the hell am I doing this? Thought I was supposed to test some shit, not play a stu-
SCP-XXXX: My, you're awfully rude, aren't you?
XXXX-B: Hey, fuckface, you're the one who interrupted me.
SCP-XXXX clears its throat loudly
SCP-XXXX: Michael Jackson's song about zombies and horror films is named what?
XXXX-B: Thriller. Can I go now?
The number etched into XXXX-2 lowers to 54.
SCP-XXXX: Good job! Absolutely not! Now, as for you, Contestant Three! Feeling up to vocalizing answers? You don't have a second choice anyway!
XXXX-C groans.
SCP-XXXX: American hotels will contain floors numbered one all the way through a hundred, with the exception of which number?
XXXX-C stares into the eyes of SCP-XXXX, silently, as if attempting to frighten it.
XXXX-C: Thirteen.
The number etched into the front of XXXX-3 lowers to 54.
SCP-XXXX: Very good! I knew the three of you were rather bright. Let's move on then. Contestant One, let's go back to you.
Auto-skipping uneventful and/or redacted portions, please stand by..
.
..
…
Continuing auto-transcription..
portion summary: XXXX-B has lost Round One. Scores read: XXXX-A, 45; XXXX-B, 48; XXXX-C, 47.
SCP-XXXX: And with that correct answer of 52 cards, Contestant One wins our first round! Tell us, sir, how does it feel to be the first win of the episode?
XXXX-A: Uh, it's whatever. Yer questions ain't all that difficult pal.
SCP-XXXX emits the sound of an audience's laughter, and chuckles as well.
SCP-XXXX: Ah, don't worry, friendo. This was just the warm-up round! In this next ro-
XXXX-B: Warm-up round!? Fuck this shit, I'm not doing this sh-
A hatch in the floor swings open in front of XXXX-B, releasing a burst of heat into his face.
SCP-XXXX: Now, if I may continue, this next round we play for keeps! And Contestant B, some advice. I know you're at the bottom of the leaderboard, but I assure you, I can hear you just fine from down there.
There is a pause of approx. 4 seconds.
XXXX-B: Down where?
SCP-XXXX clears its throat.
SCP-XXXX: During Round Two, you'll have a real threat to face. The contestant with the highest score at the end of the round, as always, will get to experience what their deeds have brought them. Your end of round threshold is…
SCP-XXXX pauses and emits the sound of a drumroll.
SCP-XXXX: Twenty-Eight! Now then, let's kick things off with you, Contestant Two!
XXXX-B: Aw god, fine.
SCP-XXXX: That's the spirit! To aid you in this ever-trying time, I'll provide you with a few possible answers. Now then, In 1998, The McDonald's Corporation released a direct-to-video animation called "Scared Silly," the first of a sextuplet titled "The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald." In what year did the intro to the show experience its first and only change? A. 1998 B. 1999 C. 2000 or D. 2001?
XXXX-B begins to speak, then pauses.
XXXX-B: What the fuck. Shit. Uh, D?
SCP-XXXX: That. Is. Correct!
XXXX-B's score lowers to 43.
XXXX-B: There's probably only three people on the pla-
XXXX-A: My god, I used to watch those old VHS tapes all the time! Did you know Ronald has a dog named Su-
SCP-XXXX clears its throat loudly, and gestures to the digital clock on the wall of the observation room.
SCP-XXXX: Time is life here, folks! Chitchat is interesting, but I have a schedule to keep, so lets move things along. Contestant C, You're up!
There is a pause as XXXX-C glares at SCP-XXXX.
SCP-XXXX: Right then, aren't you lively? John F. Kennedy, 35th president of the United States, was assassinated on November 22nd, 1963. Which company customized the vehicle he was riding in? A. Ford Motors B. Hess and Eisenhart C. RHR Custom Automotive D. Michelin
Another pause.
XXXX-C: C.
SCP-XXXX: Aw, folks, you hate to -see- it happen! Sorry, Contestant C, but that is incorrect! Contestant A, that makes it your turn!
Auto-skipping uneventful and/or redacted portions, please stand by..
.
..
…
Continuing auto-transcription..
Portion Summary: XXXX-A, 30 points remaining, XXXX-B, 43 points, XXXX-C, 37 points.
SCP-XXXX: One more question, A. That's all you need to pass. Think you got it in you?
XXXX-A: Ask it already god [EXPLETIVE][EXPLETIVE].
SCP-XXXX: The Ice Cream Cone is credited as being invented when a gentlemen at an ice cream booth ran out of bowls, and had to ask the gentleman at the waffle booth for help. During which World's Fair did this event take place? A. London in 1851, B. Paris in 1798, C. St. Louis in 1904, or D. Tokyo in 1933.
XXXX-A: Oh good god. Uh, fuck, ice cream probably wasn't invented by 1798, or 1851. I don't think Tokyo knew about waffles. It's got to be St. Louis.
SCP-XXXX: Lads, Lasses, and Lassos alike.. That. Is. Correct! Congratulations, Contestant A! You've passed the threshold! You know what that means, folks.
SCP-XXXX emits the sound of an audience chanting.
Audience: COOK. THE. CROOK!
A hatch opens inward under XXXX-B, dropping him into the pit of burning coals. XXXX-B's screams can be heard echoing through the chamber, until the sound dissipates from the chamber and into the observation room. A hatch opens in the observation room, where XXXX-B pulls himself up and off the ladder while ablaze. XXXX-B survived with severe 3rd degree burns covering his entire body.
OOU Note: Trivia
The first time a clown was ever shown in a unflattering light was in Charles Dicken's "The Pickwick Papers" where the clown was both a drunk and depressed
Trapjaw ants can jump long distances by biting the ground with their large mandibles
Names ending in nd/nda and similar often stem from the latin gerundive, a suffix meaning 'in need of'. e.g: amanda = in need of love
Famous comedian and SNL alum Steve Martin is also a Grammy award-winning bluegrass banjo player
Item #: SCP-XXXX-J
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX-J is to be kept in a dark, cold, lonely item locker, forever.
Description: SCP-XXXX-J is a bright, well-polished cauldron which has been placed with total love and care within item locker XXXX.
SCP-XXXX-J , for some fucking reason, contains a liquid substance of a totally fucking unknown chemical makeup.4 When *literally* any amount of the substance is removed, it just fills *right* back up.
When contact is made with the lovely substance contained within SCP-XXXX-J, the gorgeous person who made contact will experience an absolutely stunning emotion, chosen at random. This is induced by causing the person to experience a series of events that would normally leave the average person feeling the chosen emotion. The disgusting object possesses a rancid engraving on the side which states the chosen emotion.5
Addendum XXXX-1: Stupid testing log..
Test #: 1
Event: The subject's wife called the facility landline despite the facility being disconnected from public telephone lines. When given the receiver, the subject's wife declared "I'm sorry John. It's not you, it's me. I wasn't ready for this." She then read a series of divorce documents wherein it was declared that their home and all possessions therein would be transferred to her, despite him working his entire life and saving up money for years just to barely be able to afford it.
Test #: 2
Event: Subject was given a transfer to SCP-999's containment pen for permanent, continuous testing. Subject was initially meant to be given amnestics and transferred back to the Illinois State Penitentiary. No evidence of tampering with the transfer documents has been found, and all attempts to change them or the decision written within them have failed or have been delayed indefinitely, meaning that the subject gets to spend the rest of his days being the happiest guy around =D.
Event: idk. boring. can't be bothered to format data. taking lunch break. more interesting maybe.
Test #: 4
Event: Subject was transferred to Site-17 and given a lengthy "tour" of all on-site anomalies which are still undergoing testing with human subjects or had previously done so. Subject was told in excruciating detail the manner in which each test subject was treated by the anomalies, as well as being berated for minor actions throughout. The subject lured his guard into a supply closet, where he brutally murdered the guard and dressed himself in the guard's blood-soaked clothes. The subject left the closet and screamed "You're all sick fucking bastards and I hope you all burn in hell!" before mowing down MTF agents in a total fucking rage-induced rampage.6
Addendum XXXX-2: The saddest, most painful and heart-wrenching email I've ever received..
To: Dr. Cleo Patra
From: Dr. Roy JacobsenHi! I recently had the chance to review your work with SCP-XXXX-J. I read the article. I think your narrative is pretty weak, with my biggest concern being that I find it tough to connect with on an emotional level. You awkwardly straddle a couple of emotions and never really seem to lean one way or another. There's no emotional push or punch, it just ends, and I find myself left wanting to have felt more. I would take a step back and look at your article again and ask yourself "What is the emotion I want the reader to feel?" Otherwise, this may as well be an AO entry.
That said, I think it's gonna be a no-vote from me.
To: Dr. Roy Jacobsen
From: Dr. Cleo PatraOh, okay…
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Safe Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is kept in anomalous item locker #XXXX at Site-19.
No further procedures are considered necessary.
Prior to entering SCP-XXXX-A, subjects are to be given a button camera fashioned to look like a pin supporting William H. Thompson for the 1931 Chicago Mayoral Election. The camera should be placed on the subject's left lapel after entering SCP-XXXX. During the displacement of SCP-XXXX-1 into SCP-XXXX-A, the SCP-XXXX testing chamber is to be monitored for their return.
Description: SCP-XXXX refers to a revolver resembling a Smith and Wesson M&P .38 in both function and design. The weapon bears two engravings: The first being a manufacturer engraving along the chamber reading "S&W Model EO-11 C.S."7 and the second on one side of the barrel reading "Finish this job, Kill that cheating bastard." When SCP-XXXX is held in the right hand of a subject and the chamber is opened using that hand, the subject (henceforth SCP-XXXX-1) will be displaced into SCP-XXXX-A.8
SCP-XXXX-A refers to an alternate dimension consisting primarily of a nightclub named "The Dying Roses," a building that was once located at ███ Division St., Chicago, which closed in 1956. Displaced subjects will find themselves dressed in formal attire appropriate for the early 1930's regardless of what they were dressed in prior to displacement. This includes a striped suit and matching dress pants, a blue tie, white undershirt, and a striped fedora. All objects on their person will have demanifested until their return, where they will find themselves dressed in the same clothes they were originally relocated in and possessing the same belongings. Note that SCP-XXXX-1 will displace with one, five, and ten dollar bills in varying amounts, totaling up to $100, in their left inner coat pocket.9 No items can be brought out of or taken into SCP-XXXX-A with the exception of any object held in SCP-XXXX-1's left hand during their removal from our dimension. Displacement does not occur with subjects that have damaged or abnormal vision, amputees, have disorders outside of general depression disorders, are shorter than 5'11" or taller than 6'2", or a BMI of under 20.2 or above 24.7.
When viewed upon immediate entry, the area surrounding "The Dying Roses" consists of empty space. SCP-XXXX-A will construct an environment dependent on the needs or requirements of SCP-XXXX-1. This usually begins as SCP-XXXX-A constructing a cityscape of apartment buildings but has also included rival clubs, hospitals, fire stations, police stations, etc. SCP-XXXX-A also creates smaller objects as they are needed such as telephone poles, call boxes, motor vehicles, etc.
During their shift into SCP-XXXX-A, the subject will experience a series of semi-predictable events. Events that occur can have varying outcomes or be prevented entirely based on the actions taken by SCP-XXXX-1 while in SCP-XXXX-A. In some cases, actions taken have led to notable and/or unusual events occurring. None of the events are particularly anomalous, rather they come together to form a continuous story within that shift.
The following details the most commonly-recorded series of events.
00:00 - 1:00: SCP-XXXX-1 will be ushered to a seat at the bar as they "wait for the rest of their party,"10 although subjects may do as they please. Subjects have been recorded as having ordered food and drinks11, purchasing cigars or cigarettes, interacting with waitstaff and other customers, speaking with and/or paying stage dancers, and in some cases, engaging in hand-to-hand combat.12
1:01 - 1:45: Five men (SCP-XXXX-2, -3, -4, -5, -6) will enter the establishment over the course of 45 minutes and mill about the area. They most-commonly spend this time sitting next to each other at the bar and ordering various drinks. Each of them will eventually begin to smoke and talk among themselves.
1:46 - 1:59: SCP-XXXX-2 through -6 will enter a room at the far end of the establishment that is closed off by a pair of red curtains. SCP-XXXX-1 will be ushered into the room by a member of the waitstaff and will be introduced to the men as "Mark Kennedy of the C.P.D.13 He's here on behalf of Nitti's gang."14 They will stare at SCP-XXXX-1 in silence for roughly five seconds before laughing and shaking their hand. SCP-XXXX-5 will offer SCP-XXXX-1 a cigarette if they don't already have one and the member of waitstaff will offer them a drink. SCP-XXXX-5 will show them to an open seat around a table covered in green felt.
2:00 - 6:00: SCP-XXXX-1 through -6 will begin to play Texas Hold 'em using direct monetary bets. From here, similarities become less common and the timeline of events begins to differ due to subject input. Play styles, game outcomes, conversation topics, and general actions influence what occurs.
Addendum XXXX-1: Characteristics of SCP-XXXX-2 through -6.
Note: The following information has been gathered through a total of 129 tests and is still in development.
SCP-XXXX-2:
Name: Jack Walker
Age: 37-40
Relatives: Single, never married, no children
Profession: Trumpet Player, "The Jimmy Michaels Brass Band."15
Play Style: Quiet, only makes safe bets.
Notes: Does not drink as he believes the hangover ruins his performing abilities. Often leaves the table for fresh air. Occasionally performs with "The Dying Roses Jazz Band" when he is having a particularly good night. Displays nervousness when involved in conversations regarding all law-related subjects. Has occasionally claimed to know SCP-XXXX-1 "from work."
SCP-XXXX-3:
Name: Casey Malkovitch
Age: 22-23 (Birthday occasionally occurs)
Relatives: Girlfriend, no children
Profession: Underground boxing champion
Play Style: Bluffs often, folds rarely.
Notes: Overdramatic personality. Has repeatedly made threats to "fight every person in this godforsaken hellhole if I lose this next hand." Attends the University of Chicago but refuses to state his major. Always has a large sum of money on his person.
SCP-XXXX-4:
Name: Roy Jacobsen
Age: 25-29
Relatives: Single, never married, no children
Profession: Unemployed
Play Style: Unfamiliar with the game, makes large bets apparently at random.
Notes: Claims to be the son of a millionaire Wall Street broker. Regularly offers to buy drinks for every person at the table, occasionally for the entire population of SCP-XXXX-A. Often becomes overly-inebriated and has been caught paying dancers and crying to them on more than 35 occasions. Dodges questions regarding personal matters of all forms.
SCP-XXXX-5:
Name: Jake Rose
Age: 32
Relatives: Married, one son.
Play Style: Exceptional bluffing. Rarely makes a net loss.
Notes: Served as a rifleman in World War 1. Often talks about a grenade shrapnel wound sustained in his upper-right thigh and shares war stories. Became a professional at the game while in the trenches. Is business partners with SCP-XXXX-6 but claims to never do anything illegal. Claims the location is named after "the one time a bullet hit the very top of my helmet and nearly killed me."
SCP-XXXX-6:
Name: Clyde Jackson
Age: 33
Relatives: Married, one son, one daughter.
Play Style: Average, occasionally makes larger bets when on a losing streak.
Notes: Proprietor of "The Dying Roses." Is involved with the Chicago Outfit and regularly discusses the location's use as a front for cocaine production and sale. Served with SCP-XXXX-5 in World War 1. Usually jovial, even in dark times. Occasionally has his wife visit the establishment and spends considerable amounts of time talking about his family.
Addendum XXXX-2: List of Notable Discrepancies
Test #: 03
Time: 1:20
Event: A female test subject was used. SCP-XXXX-1 was removed from the building for "impersonating Mr. Kennedy. She even wore his fucking clothes." SCP-XXXX-A was viewed forming a full cityscape. SCP-XXXX-1 spent the remainder of the time in the parking lot and wandering through the streets of SCP-XXXX-A.
Test #: 24
Time: 5:00
Event: SCP-XXXX-1 repeatedly bet all money on their person.16 SCP-XXXX-3 punched SCP-XXXX-1, knocking them unconscious.
Test #: 27
Time: 3:25
Event: Two thieves attempted to rob the nightclub at gunpoint. Every patron and member of the waitstaff drew a firearm on the thieves, including SCP-XXXX-1. They left peacefully.
Test #: 39
Time: 2:05
Event: SCP-XXXX-1 immediately shot SCP-XXXX-6 for losing a hand to him and was immediately fired upon by SCP-XXXX-5. SCP-XXXX-1's corpse was transported and dumped into the Chicago River. SCP-XXXX-1 returned dead with five bullet wounds in the chest and entirely soaked.
Test #: 52
Time: 4:45
Event: SCP-XXXX-1 requested a "taste test" from SCP-XXXX-6 during a conversation regarding drug sales. SCP-XXXX-6 obliged. During the last hour, SCP-XXXX-6 led SCP-XXXX-1 around a back room. SCP-XXXX-1's coat accidentally caught fire, causing him to panic. He ripped the jacket off and threw it into a puddle of spilled alcohol, setting the establishment ablaze. SCP-XXXX-1 returned with severe 3rd degree burns.
Test #: 66
Time: 4:30
Event: SCP-XXXX-1 had won each hand played that day. SCP-XXXX-6 bet the deed to the establishment. SCP-XXXX-1 played four aces.Time: 5:00
Event: SCP-XXXX-1 had all patrons and all but two waitstaff members removed from the location, including SCP-XXXX-2 through -6. SCP-XXXX-1 spent the night becoming intoxicated among the female performers and engaging in sexual activity. Some patrons began to approach a police call box when they were denied re-entry and were stopped by other patrons.
Test #: 94
Time: 1:45
Event: SCP-XXXX-4 declared that it was his birthday. No playing occurred and SCP-XXXX-4 was baked and served a chocolate cake. A portion of the day was spent celebrating his birthday.
Test #: 105
Time: 3:35
Event: In an attempt to make conversation, SCP-XXXX-1 asked what their favorite television shows were. SCP-XXXX-1 spent the next hour attempting to explain various products of modern technology to them before SCP-XXXX-3 called a hospital. SCP-XXXX-1 spent the remainder of the night in the back of a white Rolls-Royce bearing red crosses and being questioned about his sanity.
Test #: 127
Time: 5:00
Event:File Name: TEST_XXXX-127
Date: 12/21/1996
Print Transcription? YBeginning Auto-Transcription..
[[Skipping to designated event portion. A full transcription may be requested from Dr. Patra, lead researcher for SCP-XXXX.]]
4:59 SCP-XXXX-1 has been looking at SCP-XXXX-5 on and off over the course of the last 10 minutes.
SCP-XXXX-5: Okay, what's wrong, kid? Something on my face?
SCP-XXXX-1: No, I just can't help but notice that what you lack in beauty, you seem to be making up for in card skills. Try letting us win some hands, you might have more fun.
SCP-XXXX-5: Hey I'm sorry god's been wanting me to have your money! I can't help that.
SCP-XXXX-1: Uh huh, yeah, I'm sure that's what's going on.
5:03 SCP-XXXX-1 folds his current hand, then stands.
SCP-XXXX-1: Gents, I'm going to take a piss.
SCP-XXXX-1 walks around the left side of the table, despite this being a longer route to the room's exit.
5:04 SCP-XXXX-1 removes the pin and sets it on the table by SCP-XXXX-5.
SCP-XXXX-1: Hold on to this for me, will ya.
SCP-XXXX-5: What, giving up politics, kid? Whatever. Hey while you're in there, do me a favor and go fuck yourself too.
5:04 - 5:09 SCP-XXXX-1 spends five minutes presumably in the bathroom. Note that SCP-XXXX-5 is recorded removing cards from his current hand and replacing them with cards from his coat via sleight of hand, twice.
5:10 SCP-XXXX-1 returns and places the pin over his left breast again. SCP-XXXX-1 shoots SCP-XXXX-5 through the sternum before turning the gun on SCP-XXXX-6.
SCP-XXXX-1: You dirty, cheating bastard! He's been swapping cards for the last ten hands. Watch this!
SCP-XXXX-1 kneels down over SCP-XXXX-5, who is alive but bleeding profusely. He removes SCP-XXXX-5's coat and holds it upside-down, shaking it twice. Cards flutter and fall out of the sleeves and pockets. SCP-XXXX-2 leaves the room unnoticed.
SCP-XXXX-6: Jesus Christ, Jake..
5:11 Shouting comes from outside of the room.
SCP-XXXX-2: THE ROSE IS DYING! THIS IS THE CHICAGO POLICE DEPARTMENT, YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST FOR VIOLATION OF THE 18th AMM-
Unknown 2: EAT SHIT AND LEAD, PIG!SCP-XXXX-1 runs for the room's exit and steps through the curtains. Half of the patrons are running for an exit while the other half have begun flipping tables and firing handguns in the direction of the bar, including SCP-XXXX-2. The waitstaff have taken cover under the bar and are firing into the tables.
Note that the remaining patrons have removed their jackets, revealing CPD badges on their undershirts.
SCP-XXXX-1: Holy Fuck!
SCP-XXXX-1 dives behind a table next to another patron.
Patron: Tough crowd huh, Mr. Kennedy!
SCP-XXXX-1 Understatement of the century! Hey, help me get the hell out of here! I'd like to be alive when they interview me!
5:12 Two members of the waitstaff run out of the door to the back room and duck under the bar. They open fire using Remington Model-31 shotguns.
Patron: Ah, shit, yeah, okay! I'll cover you, get to the back exit!
The patron gestures behind him.
SCP-XXXX-1 readies himself for a moment before sprinting towards the back exit. SCP-XXXX-1 screams, falls and turns around. SCP-XXXX-6 stands at the other end of the room, aiming a handgun at SCP-XXXX-1. The patron aims around the table and shoots SCP-XXXX-6 through the left eye. A member of waitstaff blasts the patron's hand off with a shotgun round.
SCP-XXXX-1 turns his left leg over, revealing a gunshot wound in the upper calf. SCP-XXXX-1 regains his footing and limps out of the exit, throws off his coat and wraps his leg in his undershirt.
SCP-XXXX-1: Fuck..
5:13-5:15 SCP-XXXX-1 limps down the alleyway towards a police call box, attempting to put his coat back on. SCP-XXXX-1 opens the box and removes the telephone.
Operator: Hello, officer. Name and badge number.
SCP-XXXX-1: Officer Mark Kennedy, uh, fuck me..
SCP-XXXX fires in SCP-XXXX-1's right pants pocket, presumably shooting the ground. SCP-XXXX-1 removes SCP-XXXX and turns it over. The engraving on SCP-XXXX's barrel reads "1017."
SCP-XXXX-1: Officer Mark Kennedy, Badge Number 1017! I'm in need of immediate assistance, I've been shot in the back of the leg at The Dying Roses. We may need backup in there. Fucking hell.
Operator: Understood, putting out an urgent call to other officers in the area. Please wait there.
The operator hangs up the phone.
5:15-5:17 SCP-XXXX-1 sits on the ground against the phone post in silence, trying to keep his leg raised.
5:17 A white Model-B Ford arrives and two others drive past. SCP-XXXX-1 is loaded into the passenger seat by an unseen figure.
5:17 - 5:59 The figure is dressed in the same clothing as SCP-XXXX-1 and possesses a similar build. The figure smiles weakly, then begins driving. Note that the figure had a bullet wound in his upper-right chest which appeared to puncture the heart, but was not bleeding. SCP-XXXX-1 turns to look out the window, then removes the pin and holds it against the glass. The vehicle drives past a line of other iterations of The Dying Roses, most of which are identical in nature. The figure chuckles quietly. One of the locations appears to have been burnt down.
The figure stops in front of what appears to be the Rush University Medical Center. The figure enters the hospital and four members of the medical staff run out to the car with a stretcher five minutes later. SCP-XXXX-1 is carried out of the car and into the hospital. Medical staff removed the jacket and no relevant video was captured until SCP-XXXX-1's return into our reality.
6:00 SCP-XXXX-1 is returned holding the pin and possessing an improperly-cauterized wound. Marker marks made along SCP-XXXX-1's lower leg imply that SCP-XXXX-A's medical staff intended to amputate the leg. SCP-XXXX-1 received proper medical care and made a full recovery.
End Transcription.
Test #: 128
Time: 0:05
Event: The engraving on SCP-XXXX's barrel was not present. The interior of "The Dying Roses" was significantly darkened and contained only one person. A spotlight was aimed at a patron dressed in similar clothing and possessing a similar physique to SCP-XXXX-1, who was sitting at the bar. The figure possessed a CPD badge which he wore openly on his suit. He smiled weakly at SCP-XXXX-1 and offered them a shot glass filled with scotch. SCP-XXXX-1 noted that the area felt abnormally cold, but was warmer in the light. The subject and the figure held a toast, then sat in silence for 10-15 seconds. The figure stood, removed his badge and firearm and placed them on the counter, then turned to leave. He stopped at the door, turned to face SCP-XXXX-1, thanked them, then left the establishment. The subject spent the remainder of the time in the empty building.
Test #: 129
Time: 0:00
Event: SCP-XXXX did not displace the subject. The engraving on the side of the barrel read "Mark Kennedy, 1908-2020."
NOTE: REWRITE O5 ENTIRELY, IMPLEMENT STARFISH THEORY
Item #: SCP-XXXX (subject to change)
Object Class: Uncontained.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX has yet to be recovered. Should the entity or group of entities be recovered, a standard containment cell has been set aside at Site-17 for temporary containment. Capturing and containing or re-containing, as well as making contact with the group or facility possessing SCP-XXXX is consider a Beta Class priority.
Description: SCP-XXXX is an entity or group of entities believed to have the ability to hide large groups of entities from all people and surveillance equipment, including Foundation satellites and other technologies, or to have the ability to conceal people's affiliations with certain organizations as well as hiding those organizations as a concept.
Due to the nature of SCP-XXXX's unknown location, its appearance and process by which it invokes these abilities is also unknown. However, it is believed that this ability or abilities are weakening, as more and more events wherein the Foundation and GoI-PCS have crossed paths have occurred since the original.
SCP-XXXX is, for all intents and purposes, in the possession of GoI-PCS. GoI-PCS is an organization who seems to have the intent of capturing and containing anomalous entities. Attempts to infiltrate their facilities have arguably failed,17 however, recovered documents have revealed that their collection of anomalies held at their facilities is considerably large, and needs to be secured. GoI-PCS has proven to be hostile towards Foundation agents, and in that regard, is reluctant to forfeit their anomalous entities.
Numerous theories have been proposed regarding the nature of SCP-XXXX. While the majority believe that SCP-XXXX refers to an entity or entities being used by GoI-PCS, some believe that GoI-PCS is itself an anomaly, while some believe the circumstances to be purely coincidental.
Addendum XXXX-1: Incident XXXX: Discovery of GOI-PCS, and by extension, SCP-XXXX
On November 21st, 2011, MTF-Epsilon 3 member Roy Jacobsen was deployed to 7901 N Milwaukee Ave, Niles, IL 60714 (Jerry's Fruit and Garden) in plain street clothes in an effort to obtain anomalous object #████, a lemon which continuously produces pink lemonade.
Interview Log XXXX-1
Interviewer: Dr. Patra
Interviewee: Roy Jacobsen (MTF-Epsilon 3)
Purpose: Account of events on 21/11/2011
Foreward: Jacobsen had recently recovered from an unknown minor amnestic substance entering his bloodstream via an amnestic-coated dart.
Beginning Log Auto-Transcription…
Dr. Patra: Could you please state your name and rank?
Jacobsen: I am.. Roy Jacobsen.. of Mobile Task Force Epsilon.. Three.
Dr. Patra: Very good. Can you please describe your previous mission?
Jacobsen: I had to.. recover something yellow? A lemon!
Dr. Patra: Correct again. What was the result of this mission?
Jacobsen: I.. hm..
There is a short pause as Jacobsen contemplates.
Jacobsen: I don't think I got it.
Dr. Patra: Again, you are correct. Mr. Jacobsen, you were tasked with only recovering a lemon, and failed in doing so. I am conducting this interview in order to determin-
Jacobsen: Because that [EXPLETIVE] look-alike got it first!
Dr. Patra: clears throat. Pardon?
Jacobsen: And then he [EXPLETIVE] shot me, right in the god[EXPLETIVE] neck!
Dr. Patra: Mr. Jacobsen, please calm down. You're alright now, we have you on anti-amnestics.
Jacobsen: Sorry. Right. Interview. Lemon.
Dr. Patra: Could you please describe the event that resulted in your failure to capture this lemon?
Jacobsen: So I walked in, right. Went up to the lemon basket thingy with a plastic bag, put a few in, held that scranton watch thingy against some of them, and found it. Went to pick it up when this guy next to me grabbed it instead.
Dr. Patra: I see. Could you please describe this person?
Jacobsen: Oh I don't know, looked average, plain clothes, nice polo shirt with a little logo on it, you know the kind. Brown hair, …grey-ish eyes? Was he.. I think he was kinda tall? Had a nice watch, kept a pen in his breastpocket.
Dr. Patra: Right, okay. Please continue.
Jacobsen: Oh, yeah yeah. So he grabs the lemon, and I said "Pardon me, do you mind if I have that lemon? I've been inspecting that one for a moment or two now and I was just about to put it in my bag. I'm making lemon cookies for my nephew's birthday." He just kinda, stood there for a minute, then told me something like "Actually, this is one of the best lemonade lemons I've ever seen. My daughter is trying to open a lemonade stand."
Dr. Patra: In November.
Jacobsen: Exactly! That's what I said! It was the weirdest exchange, we just kinda stood there and stared at each other for a moment. Then suddenly he asked me which anti.. anti-security? He asked me which anti-process-condemn-shield organization I was a member of? Something like that. That's when I reached in my pocket and hit the emergency button sewn into my pants. I guess he thought I was reaching for a weapon because he immediately like, clicked his pen in and then pulled out some sort of gun. I whipped out my Type-A Amnestic Administrator, but..
There is a brief silence.
Jacobsen: Doctor, I know this is going to sound insane, but I swear he had the exact same device in his hands. A whole amnestic gun. We just kinda stood there in silence, like an old western standoff. Then there was this sharp pain in my neck. I can't remember much else. I think I hit him in some open spot or another too, he kinda went down like I did. Can't believe I managed to drag myself back to the car. Oh, I did notice this one thing as I was on my way to the ground. The logo on his shirt was this like, box shape, with lines pointing outward. Does that make sense?
Dr. Patra: Thank you for your time, I have to go relay some information to my colleagues immediately.
Jacobsen: Oh, yeah I'm at the end of my story anyway. Hey, doc, before you go? Do you know who made the watch you guys gave me? I swear he had the exact same make and model.
Dr. Patra: Mr. Jacobsen, we produce our own.
End Log
Additional Note: Confiscated security footage corroborates Jacobsen's recounting, as well as showing the described individual crawling towards and then being carried into a van marked with the described logo.
Note: The following attached document is a request from Site-19's Medical Staff to the O5 Council regarding Jacobsen's blood sample content.
To: O5 Command
From: Site-19 Medical Wing
Subject: Incident AO-████ Recovery
Dear O5 Command,
The blood sample of MTF-Epsilon 3 private Jacobsen returned with traces of amnestic-tracker gel. It's similar in composition to our Type-A Amnestic Gel, however, the Atomic Sciences division has determined that the tracker substance was destroyed by Jacobsen's antibodies. We believe that if we can reverse-engineer the gel, we may discover the command hub it was linked to, but we require the research funds to continue. Therefore we are formally requesting extra funding for this purpose.-Marilyn Mason, Site-19 Medical Staff
To: Site-19 Medical Wing
From: O5 Command
Subject: RE: Incident AO-████ Recovery
Given the priority of determining this facility's location, the funds have been allocated.
Addendum XXXX-2: PCS Site-1 Invasion
From the journal of Captain █████ ██████, MTF-Epsilon 12 ("E.V.I.L")
Date: December 3rd, 2011
We are en route to infiltrate some facility or another, apparently a day-trip away. They say it's supposed to contain at least a few SCPs. They want us to track down some sort of cloaking skip. We asked them what it would look like, what to look for, what to watch out for. They told us to be prepared for retaliation, and that we'd get support from the copter. That was it. Asked them what the skip looked like specifically, but they just paused then said they couldn't tell us. They never pause before saying it. They don't know either. Carol says it'll be a big laser gun, Frank says it'll be a cape. Most of the crew took one of their sides. Personally I think it'll be one big lantern.
Jack says it'll be a death sentence.
Date: December 4th, 2011
I'm holed up in the office of, apparently, Dr. Dark, at PCS Site-91. The whole building is on a lockdown. We can't get in or out of most rooms, including the building. This whole thing was a complete fucking bust anyway. We lost Jack during our initial fire exchange with the site guards. By the time we got in, every door was shut tight, vacuum-sealed. Couldn't find any of the workers or research staff or what-have-you, though we did find some locked bunkers. Couldn't wrench or torch the doors open. Me and Carol took some hand grenades and blew out their comms center, figured it would be a good first course of action. We lost radio communication with home base not long after.
We're regrouping and reorganizing in these offices, I guess it's something of a break, but we're gonna head back out in a few minutes and sweep what we can.
Date: December 4th, 2011
Caught a guy in a lab coat running out of the kitchen. I guess no one wanted to join him and he just couldn't take being hungry. We have him up on one of the office desks, Jack and Kath are administering an "interview" about god knows what. Where is it? What does it look like? If he's anything like the lab boys back home, they may just have to leave him there.
Anyway. Everything was shut down. Couldn't get into anything for the longest time. The windows showed off some interesting things, potential skips for the reinforcements to grab, though there weren't many. Got to the end of the hall, the only really accessible area, when Jack gets the idea of swiping his Foundation card in the card reader backwards. Door comes up just like that, instant access to the shipping and storage room. The sheer number of 20-gallon drums stacked in there was astounding. We checked the labels, "MemoKill Agent" and then listed as version U through Z.
We collected some MemoKill U, we're gonna try it on the lab guy in a bit.
Date: December 5th, 2011
Jack gave the guy a good stab through the thigh with a needle full of MemoKill. He passed out for a moment or two and woke up, now he's in a panic because the facility is on lockdown? Shouldn't he have known that already..?
Date: December 5th, 2011
He thinks we're with him, so we're using it to our advantage. His keycard works with more of the doors in here. We told him there'd been a break-in, he asked about "the C.O.G." and we just sorta nervously nodded behind the masks. We told him he left the bunker and "they must've flooded the facility with MemoKill, thank god our gas masks protected us or you'd probably be dead and gone." I wish Kath wouldn't scare the shit out of subjects like that but he looked hilariously terrified. Kath pulled a spare mask out of her pack and handed it to him. His card got us into the back of the kitchen and got us real kitchen food instead of this factory-processed MRE BS. He still didn't know what we were talking about when we tried describing the anomaly we've been hunting. Not that any of us knew how to describe it in any way.
The plan right now is to take his key and hunt around some more, then use it to find a way out. Nothing we've found looks like it could be whatever the thing is that we're looking for, but I suppose I'm not an expert on these things. I just nab 'em.
Date: December 5th, 2011
Fucker wouldn't give us the key. Kath held him against the wall while Carol ran back to storage and came back with a sample of MemoKill Z and gave it to him "just to see what would happen." I've never seen a man look more empty and lost in my life. It's like giving him that sucked the life right out through his pupils. We dragged him into what I guess was a medical wing and left him on the bed but he was just.. gone.
Yoinked his card from the coat pocket though. We're throwing doors open left and right, feels like we can stretch our legs again. Front door's jammed, though. Makes sense that they wouldn't want anything getting out.
Stuff We've Found:
Note: All of this stuff was kept in cells.Dead alligator
Mildly overweight guy that wouldn't stop trying to make us look at him
Incredibly average doe (weirdly small cell)
Girl in an orange jumper (I think she's immobile?)
A ball (I keep thinking about this one)
The devil(?)
Hot nude guy, well-furnished place. (Had a hunch, kept Kath and Carol away.)
Date: December 5th, 2011
Jack, the madman, had the idea of just blowing open the big garage doors in the storage room. Lab key wouldn't get us into the armory here but the backwards swipe of our own key did. There's enough explosives and firearms there to arm the US military. We're just going to move as many of those amnestic-filled barrels as we can and blow the door down, then. The masks would help with most gasses and chemicals but not on such a scale.
Let's just say I'm not looking forward to the manual labor, I guess.
Date: uh..
I don't remember buying this much equipment or the stretch of the woods I was just in. Found this journal in my bag though, it's handy. Rescue helicopter came down and picked up me and some other folks, the people in the copter said something about some barrels leaking and damaging my brain? They were saying something or other about someone attacking their facility, how they were stuck in a bunker up until.. some time. Can't remember.
Sucks, they're nice rangers. Another helicopter passed us by going the other way. Looked a lot like this one, buncha people passed out in the back like ours from the looks of it. I'm fine but I hope the rangers and my hunting bros are doing okay )=
Addendum XXXX-3: 4/12/2011 - 5/12/2011 Site-19 Emergency Lockdown Incident Log
4/12/2011, 16:22:04:
1 Unrecognized Flying Vehicle enters Site-19 airspace.4/12/2011, 16:28:22:
14 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities engage in hostilities with Site-19 outer defense units.
1 Unidentified Flying Vehicle engages in hostilities with Site-19 outer defense units.4/12/2011, 16:53:41:
5 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities breach Site-19, Lockdown Initiated, Sending distress signal…
4/12/2011, 16:53:42:
Distress signal received, support will arrive in 20 hours, 16 minutes, 42 seconds…4/12/2011, 16:53:55:
5 Unrecognize Humanoid Entities enter main entryway.[Superfluous logs redacted for brevity]
4/12/2011, 17:08:06:
2 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities enter Communications Hub.4/12/2011, 17:09:32:
Communications Hub Error: Unable to ping Communications Hub.
Communications Hub Error: Unable to ping MTF-Epsilon 3.
Communications Hub Error: Unable to ping Site-19 Security.
Communications Hub Error: Unable to ping Distress Team.
Communications Hub Error: [Superfluous errors redacted for brevity].4/12/2011, 23:34:12:
2 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities enter Cafeteria 19-A.4/12/2011, 23:34:24:
2 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities engage in hostilities with Dr. Brimm.4/12/2011, 23:34:37:
2 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities take Dr. Brimm while he is unconscious.
4/12/2011, 23:37:04:
2 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities enter Storage Facility 19-A.
4/12/2011, 23:41:43:
2 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities take Dr. Brimm to Medical Site 19-B.5/12/2011, 00:02:58:
5 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities enter Kitchen 19-A.5/12/2011, 00:06:04:
5 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities enter Cafeteria 19-A.[Superfluous logs redacted for brevity]
5/12/2011, 03:27:16:
5 Unrecognized Humanoid Entities enter Storage Facility 19-A.5/12/2011, 03:45:02:
Alert - Storage Facility 19-A: Door Breached5/12/2011, 03:45:12:
Alert - Storage Facility 19-A: Amnestic Gas Detected.
Alert - Main Wing Primary Hallway: Amnestic Gas Detected.5/12/2011, 07:12:01:
1 Unrecognized Flying Vehicle enters Site-19 airspace.
Addendum XXXX-O5-1:
Subject: PCS 2011
From: O5-4
To: O5-1, O5-2, O5-3, O5-5, O5-6, and 7 more..Incident PCS-CROSSOVER started earlier than I'd anticipated. I took the liberty of reaching out to 5O-17 to get things started. They ran out of CROSSOVER amnestic last year, they think it'll take a couple weeks to produce more. Shall I spread the theory documents?
O5-4, 21/11/11.
Subject: RE: PCS 2011
From: O5-2
To: O5-4, other recipients..Already done. Sent the approval for CROSSOVER-DELAY section 1.2 already. I checked with our own amnestics team and we seem to be out of it ourselves regardless.
O5-2, 21/11/11.
Subject: RE: PCS 2011
From: O5-2
To: O5-4, other recipients..There should be a few drums of CROSSOVER amnestic on the way, just got the email from the development team. Ready to flood when they are.
O5-2, 7/12/11.
Addendum XXXX-O5-2:
SCP Multi-Site Emergency Log - December 7th, 2011:
ALERT - ALL: Gas On-Site Alerts Deactivated.
ALERT - Site-06-3: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-11: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-15: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-17: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-19: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - [Superfluous Alerts Redacted For Brevity].
ALERT - ALL Staff Residences: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
Addendum XXXX-O5-3:
PCS Multi-Site Emergency Log - December 7th, 2011:
ALERT - ALL: Gas On-Site Alerts Deactivated.
ALERT - Site-03-6: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-11: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-51: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-71: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - Site-91: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
ALERT - [Superfluous Alerts Redacted For Brevity].
ALERT - ALL Staff Residences: Unrecognized Amnestic Gas Detected.
Addendum XXXX-O5-4: 2011 Staff Survey - Question 4
Question Results:
Positive. - 0.00%
Negative. - 0.00%
I am indifferent. - 2.82%
I have never heard of this organization. - 97.18%
Subject: CROSSOVER-DELAY End.
From: O5-Command
To: 5O-CommandGlad things went smoothly. See you next year.
-The SCP Foundation.
Unedited Documentation:
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: A secondary set of all Foundation facilities has been created with the intent of containing all members of SCP-XXXX-S. These facilities should be located as far from their counterparts as physically possible, and outfitted with an equally-sized staff, the components of which are left at the discretion of O5-14 through O5-26, herein referred to as the 5O Council. These facilities should be run under the same policies that govern the operations of the SCP Foundation, however, no links to the SCP Foundation may be made available to any persons outside of the O5 council, and thus shall be left to be operated under the 5O Council.
During a SCP-XXXX-CROSSOVER event, a Type-K Amnestic is to be administered to all SCP and PCS staff. Should there be a delay, all attempts must be made to slow the process of discovery of the other's purpose via a series of proceedings known as CROSSOVER-DELAY. CROSSOVER-DELAY is to be added to as more methods are required.
CROSSOVER-DELAY continues as follows:
Last Updated December 12th, 2011
1.0 - Attempt to amnesticize the first members of each team that discovers the other.18
1.0.1 - Spread theories claiming that the opposing Foundation is hostile in nature and/or wishes to abuse anomalies and that they should not be interacted with.
1.1 - Deny Funding to all related investigations
1.2 - Approve funding, attempt to redirect search to unrelated locations.
1.3 - Withdraw all funds to related departments, excepting what would be required to operate.
1.4 - Attempt to dispatch infiltration teams when first encountered by opposing facilities.
1.5 - Lock all staff in bunkers during infiltrations.
1.5.1 - Lock all staff in bunkers during infiltrations under threat of termination.
1.6 - Withdraw all rescue teams, shut down emergency communication devices between related departments and teams.
1.7 - Attempt to convince staff members that the opposing organization is an enemy/should not be interacted with further.
2.0 - Amnesticize all staff members with Type-F amnestic, re-implant false memories in each member.
2.1 - Terminate all staff resistant to Type-F amnestic and possessing knowledge of the opposing Foundation unless this would not leave enough staff to continue Foundation operations under skeleton crews.
2.2 - Detonate nuclear warheads at all PCS Foundation sites.
2.3 - Terminate all remaining SCP-XXXX-S instances.
2.4 - Declare SK-Class Soulmate Dominance Shift scenario/ADK-Class Complete Anomalous Destabilization Scenario. Place immediate priorities on containing or recontaining all anomalies that may have a permanent, damaging effect on reality when combined with their counterparts.
2.5 - Declare a CK-Class Reality Restructuring Scenario/Reality-Ending Scenario.19
Description: SCP-XXXX refers to a series of anomalies known as SCP-XXXX-S, as well as an event known as SCP-XXXX-CROSSOVER.
SCP-XXXX-S instances are counterparts to already-existing anomalies. To clarify, any anomaly that possesses a tangible, physical form, when created, will also bring forth an anomaly that possesses anomalous abilities that can be considered direct opposites to those possessed by the original anomaly. When brought within 100 meters of their original counterparts, both entities will have their anomalous abilities hightened in some way, generally to an extreme degree, as well as occasionally gaining new ones. This results in these pairings, in some cases, becoming impossible to destroy.
SCP-XXXX-CROSSOVER refers to an annual event wherein a member of the SCP Foundation and PCS Foundation will "discover" each other. This discovery will set forth a series of events that is believed will eventually lead to the merging of the SCP and PCS Foundations and their assets, which would recombine contained SCPs and SCP-XXXX-S instances into the aforementioned pairings. Each year that this event occurs takes progressively longer to conclude, usually due to anomalous means, such as the sudden disappearance of prepared amnestic chemicals, unarmed staff surviving immense gunfire, or members of staff becoming impervious to amnestic chemicals where previously they were not.
Addendum XXXX-O5-5: Excerpt from 5O-22's "History of the O5".
Note: A copy of "History of the O5" can be found in O5 files under the "Personnel Journals" section. The original is in PCS 5O Files.
In '56, the 26 of us had devised larger plans. All of our developments were always so grandeur, larger than life. We knew most of them couldn't be done, budgets being what they were, but we were dreamers. So we'd start with something big, and then as we worked out what we could afford, we'd whittle it down bit by bit. A new facility, some new sites. I think one year during the second world war we could only afford to put in some new washrooms if we still wanted to maintain everything else.
Anyway, one day in 1956 we happened upon something spectacular. O5-17 was out hunting in Louisiana, one of the few leaves we permitted ourselves throughout the year, he brought back an average-looking alligator. He had put a 7.62x63mm right through the cranium, in one end and out the other. Sold it off for the skin and came back to brag about it, six days later the news was talking of an alligator that had died and was then resurrected. We captured it, locked it in a containment cell and shot it again. It was back six days later. We tested with other things. BB guns killed it. Knife wounds killed it. Razors, pencil pokes, paper cuts. We had a D-Class kick it in the tail and I honest-to-god think it was dead before his foot made impact. Every time, it was back in six days.
Where we first only had a decidedly-unkillable reptile, we now had a notably-killable one as well. This wasn't the only instance, though. More things started pouring in. Eventually we were up to our knees in reverse-skips. Any anomaly that had a physical body and some semblance of awareness seemed to always have a counterpart.
One day in 1965, there's a breach at Site-19, multiple keter class blah blah blah. What matters is this: those reverse-skips, now that some of them were in range of each other, were pairing up with their original counterparts. Like soulmates. This whole time they had been split apart and unknowingly had been hunting for each other, and now we brought them together, and they wreaked havoc. To say hell broke loose would be both an understatement and a literality. We detonated the bomb there, but most of the couples survived anyway, marching on through the charred, radioactive rubble. Eventually, after roughly a couple of months of searching and fighting, we had them split up and contained again. We couldn't stop some of them before they hit major metropolitan areas.
The good news, if you can say that there is any, is that the carnage gave us funding. Lots of it. Countries that were skeptical weren't anymore. We took the opportunity to scrape together old blueprints and designs. By the time we were done, we had a whole Foundation's worth of blueprints laid out across every table we could get our hands on. So that's what we built. We took the reverse-skips and gave them their own, steel-covered homes. Then O5-7 and O5-20 had the joint idea of splitting up, a further measure to make sure these things never come in contact again. So we did. We burned away any mention of these things. Half of us volunteered to become part of this "new" organization, probably one of the most expensive and elaborate coverups we'd ever conceived.
At first we'd talk to them all the time, but the universe has this funny way of trying to make sure that everything it designs goes according to its own plan. We'd destroyed, expunged or redacted all mentions of O5-14 through 26 and anomaly counterparts, but somehow, once a year, some part of each of our Foundations was meeting again, coming ever-closer to combining anomalies and their counterparts. Like we were our own soulmate, and the universe was trying to shove us back together, and in doing so it was going to shove a lot of other couples together as well. We haven't figured out how to stop it. I don't think we can. We can keep washing everything away, year after year, but the universe is persistent, it will always outlast your will, it will always be better than you at showing brute force. We will slip up one day. Our two Foundations will finally collide in totality. And I fear that may be the day that we will lose us both.
In 1979, when we'd worked out a way to split us back apart, it only took a couple of minutes to perform. In 1980, however, it took us four minutes. In 1981, ten minutes, 1982, twenty. In 1991 and 1992 we tried actively declining our staff means to investigate this, at times met them with force, yet somehow they kept trying to march on. At the time of writing, after the last incident, it took us 2 days, 3 hours, 50 or so minutes. Regardless of how perfect everything lines up, how much we pre-plan and ready ourselves, it always takes longer than last time. We will collide together again. It's just a matter of when. Given our ever-growing collection of anomalies and their soulmates, I fear there may be no stopping them when we finally do fail.
OOU Note: To-Do:
-Write theory papers(?)
-Add list of skip discoveries to Addendum 2 - need more?
-Get O5 section crit, rewrite?
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Neutralized20
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-XXXX, with the exception of its visual anomaly, is effectively neutralized, as all other anomalous behavior has ceased following event XXXX-S-20. SCP-XXXX now exclusively functions similarly to its non-anomalous counterpart, and therefor is to be stored in a secure garage at Site-77 and monitored via security cameras in case of demanifestation.21
Due to the unknown nature and apparently spontaneous manifestation of SCP-XXXX, it is to remain in place in Site-20's car lot. A perimeter of at least one meter is to be maintained, with entry only being permitted to staff of level three access or higher, and any potential test subjects. If a method of transporting the object is discovered, it is to be moved to a secure garage in Site-20 as soon as possible, and these procedures should be updated.
SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a specially-built garage within Site-20, designated garage 20-01. A paved asphalt road has been constructed leading from the Site-20 car lot to garage 20-01. SCP-XXXX may only be removed from this garage for the purpose of testing - following approval from at least half of the level three personnel assigned to SCP-XXXX - and to transport the object once around the car lot as part of routine weekly maintenance.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a 1969 Silver Chevrolet "Stingray" convertible with several anomalous modifications. When viewed from half a meter away or farther, SCP-XXXX appears to be plated in solid gold, bearing engravings of top hats on either door, as well as possessing wheels. When viewed from closer than half a meter, prior to event XXXX-S-20, the exterior of SCP-XXXX appears non-anomalous with the exception of the vehicle lacking wheels and instead hovering above the ground. SCP-XXXX is seemingly incapable of moving over ground that has not been covered by asphalt, either through its own means of motion or by any outside force.
Prior to event XXXX-20-S, SCP-XXXX possessed a keypad containing buttons engraved with various images indicative of their functions. This keypad is not present on standard versions of the vehicle, and a number of its functions should not be theoretically possible or lack the necessary components to be performed through non-anomalous means.
The following table lists the buttons and their accompanying images and functions.
1 | The "double-arrow" symbol indicating an increase in speed. | A theoretically-infinite stream of nitrous-oxide is released into the engine continuously, resulting in an increase in the engine's power, despite SCP-XXXX not containing any nitrous-oxide containers. |
2 | The "double-arrow" symbol reversed, indicating a decrease in speed. | The release of nitrous-oxide into SCP-XXXX's internal combustion engine ceases. |
3 | A flame. | SCP-XXXX's exhaust pipes begin to produce and expel flames, despite the lack of a fuel source. |
4 | A flame, overlaid by an X symbol. | Stops the exhaust pipes from producing flames. |
5 | The earth. | Displays a roadmap of the planet on the front windshield, allowing the operator to use the windshield as a touchscreen to select a destination. |
6 | The Earth, with a check mark in the upper-right corner. | Confirms selected destination and travels to the destination through the use of some form of auto-piloting. |
7 | The Earth, with an X mark in the upper-right corner. | Deselects the destination and removes the display. |
8 | The Earth, with a question mark in the upper-right corner. | Displays pertinent information on the current location, including weather, local disasters and emergencies, toll roads and road conditions, and an option labelled "Local MOMs," which required a retinal and DNA scan to access. |
9 | The standard triangular alert symbol. | A small compartment manifests under the dashboard, which opens to reveal a double-barreled shotgun, which has had a length of the barrel sawed off. The firearm cannot be opened to reload, as it will reload itself after approximately one to two and a half seconds. |
10 | A triangular alert symbol, containing two exclamation marks rather than one. | A second, larger compartment manifests, opening to reveal a FN Project 1990 PDWS.22 The firearm functions as normal, however the rounds release a burst of flames when contact is made with any surface. |
11 | A common image of a bomb. | The trunk compartment opens and a small mounted cannon rises from the interior, along with a handle/aiming apparatus. The aiming apparatus turns the cannon on a nearly full 360 degree axis, and two buttons, one on either side, fire small grenades from the cannon. |
12 | A mushroom cloud. | Unknown (intentionally untested.) |
Addendum: Investigation XXXX-E
On September 8th, 20██, at 0156 hours, Site-20's entryway checkpoint gate was discovered destroyed. The roadway leading to Site-20 was found having been marked by extensive skid marks stretching over the span of around 2 kilometers. SCP-XXXX and its visual anomaly would be discovered seconds later in Site-20's car lot, with minor skid marks appearing on the false tires, and minor scrapes and dents along the front bumper and grill. SCP-XXXX was observed appearing to mend itself, restoring its damaged components to near, if not perfect condition.
Although video-capturing equipment does contain a record of the impact made with the front entryway checkpoint gate, it does not show SCP-XXXX itself, or any other entity that may have caused the impact. Video recordings show only the creation of skid marks leading up to and subsequently through and past the checkpoint, with no entity that could be creating the marks, nor one that may have caused the ensuing impact, having been captured. On-site checkpoint guards noticed the exact same anomaly at the time of occurrence and first reported the anomaly.
Due to the potential information breach and safety concerns this represents, an investigation was launched on September 8th, 20██, at 0246 hours.
Event Timeline Log
Date: 8/9/20██
Location: Site-20
Related Sectors: Entry Gate 01, Car Lot 01.
0152: Entry 01 Checkpoint Guards note the sound a loud engine revving.
0152: Guards note the sound of a fast-moving vehicle. Video-capturing equipment show tire track marks being created rapidly, moving in the direction of the entry checkpoint at an estimated speed of 193 kph.
0153: Tire marks reach the location of Entry Gate 01. The closed gate is suddenly destroyed, and the tracks continue to form past the gate.
0153: Entry Gate guards contact the main facility to report the incident.
0153: MTF-Omega-20 ("Handymen") are alerted of the incident.
0154: Tire marks come to a stop at parking space 09 of Car Lot 01. They seem to produce a screeching sound as they slow.
0154: MTF-Omega-20 secure the car lot and create a perimeter around the parking space and the lot.
0156: MTF-Omega-20 begins pre-investigation procedures, and interviews related personnel.
0246: Investigation XXXX-E is formally opened, named "Investigation Grease Lightning" prior to official SCP designation.
Addendum: Incident XXXX-20-S
On September 17th, 20██, at 0823 hours, Site-20 experienced a devastating explosion, estimated to be equal to approximately 2.4 kilotons of 2,4,6-trinitrotoluene.23 The point of origin was determined to be SCP-XXXX. Seconds prior to the explosion, audio recordings from within SCP-XXXX's containment recorded a message played from the object's internal radio.
The message, transcribed, reads as follows.
"Special delivery for Miss Cleo. Love, mom."
Dr. Patra came forward during the investigation, claiming to bear knowledge as to the purpose and causation of the explosion.
Interview Log XXXX-20-S-I
Interviewer: ██ ███, shadowed by O5-█.
Interviewee: Dr. Patra.
Foreword: Dr. Patra had been on a one-month medical leave due to experience with a severe cognitohazard. O5-█ is viewing the interview via a live feed and speaks through a voice-changer and microphone.
Beginning Log Autotranscription..
██ ███: On September Seventeenth, Twe-
Dr. Patra: Enough with the formalities, please. The date is burned into my head. I know what happened.
██ ███: Okay. Dr. Patra, you were absent from Site-20 on the day of the event. Can you please provide a summary of your day on the seventeenth?
Dr. Patra: I woke up around Seven-Thirty A.M., made myself some cereal, reported my Twenty-Sixth day away over the phone, called Dr. Kaplan to ask him to pick up some dry-cleaning for me, watched television for maybe two hours with an ice pack on my head, then received the call about the site. The rest is mostly a blur, I'm sorry.
██ ███: Dr. Kaplan was seen entering the Site area carrying a work briefcase and a number of labcoats wrapped in thin plastic.
Dr. Patra: Bingo.
██ ███: So, what information, exactly, are you here to report today?
[there is three seconds of silence.]
[Dr. Patra clears her throat]
Dr. Patra: I used to know mom. I uhm… I'm a traitor, I guess… Hell, I knew they'd do something to me, but did they really have to level the whole [EXPLETIVE] place, good god…
O5-█: For [EXPLETIVE]'s sake, woman! Nearly 200 died, give us something to work with!
Dr. Patra: I…
[Dr. Patra pauses for four seconds.]
Dr. Patra: Hell. They'll kill me anyway… mom is, uhm…
[Dr. Patra pauses again, then clears her throat, apparently choked up.]
Dr. Patra: They're the mob of magicians. It's mom, for short. They uhm, well. They're mobsters, and magicians, rolled into one. Zoot suits and big top hats, tommy guns and magic wands. The, uhm, the magic stuff isn't just for show.
██ ███: You did state that you were related to the event. In what way?
Dr. Patra: I… I think when my dry-cleaning entered the Site, it triggered the explosion. Like a bomb triggered by my DNA. A car bomb.
O5-█: What the hell do they want with you!? Is this not awfully [EXPLETIVE] concern-
End Log.
Closing Statement: Dr. Patra fainted and was transported to Site-77's medical care facility. She entered a comatose state, lasting for seven days. When Dr. Patra awoke, she vomitted a full set of 52 playing cards, the art on which depicted images of members of various mafioso groups and gangsters, including Al Capone, Bonnie Parker, Clyde Barrow, and Lester "Babyface" Gillis, among others. Psychiatric analysis revealed that she has been suffering from severe trauma, worsened by the recent events. Dr. Patra requested a form of witness protection, which was granted both for her safety and for the Foundation to ensure that no further attacks are made.
As a result of the event, numerous safe SCP entities had broken containment due to the lack of a facility to provide containment, or were otherwise destroyed. The majority of the entities housed at Site-20 had been non-organic in nature, mostly complicated machinery not capable of locomotion, and recontainment was not particularly difficult. SCP-XXXX was found with an extremely charred exterior surface, as well as some minor burn markings around the surface of the interior. Though the entity was capable of removing the burn marks, the buttons on SCP-XXXX's additional control panel no longer function, and the object no longer hovers, requiring new tires to allow for proper usage and testing.
Note: Wouldn’t this imply that the mending only extends to the appearance? If you have the ability > to auto-fix something’s appearance, why not auto-fix the whole thing??? - ██ ███
A yellow-orange cassette tape labelled "Mom's Greatest Hits" was discovered in the cup holder of the entity. When played, the cassette tape played back the message played by the object's radio prior to the explosion, followed by ten seconds of dead air, followed by the following message.
"You're a clever gal, Miss Cleo. Watch your thirteen. Love, mom."
The message is followed by a recording of Frank Sinatra's "My Way."
Addendum: Incident XXXX-V
On September 19th, 20██, at 0934 hours, a top hat floated over Site-77's perimeter fence and landed upside-down in front of the main facility's entryway. A man holding a plastic magician's performing wand stepped out from the inside of the hat, then placed it on his head. He then outlined the shape of a rectangular prism around himself using the wand and approached the facility's entryway. Nearby guards opened fire on the intruder, however, the rounds bounced off a transparent wall surrounding him. The man pressed the button on the facility's intercom, at which point the following recording began.
Intercom Audio Recording XXXX
Date: September 19th, 20██
Location: Site-77's Main Facility: Entryway
Beginning Log Autotranscription..
Unknown: Hey, anyone there? These jack-offs with the guns are gettin' on my [EXPLETIVE] nerves.
Intercom Operator: Hello? Please provide proper identification or we will be forced to terminate you.
Unknown: Hey [EXPLETIVE] you too, [EXPLETIVE]. If you're gonna take my [EXPLETIVE] car from me, the least you [EXPLETIVE]s can do is pay me for it. Normally I'd sell her for One Seventy-Five Grand, but for all this [EXPLETIVE]ing trouble, it's gonna run yous Two-Hundo. Now, we can handle things the nice way, or we can do 'em the annoying way.
Intercom Operator: Sir, you are surrounded. Please place your-
Unknown: Hard [EXPLETIVE]ing way it is!
Entryway cameras capture the man reaching into his top hat and removing a large stack of $100 bills, USD, estimated to be around $205,000.
Unknown: And I'm taking an extra gratuity tip, just cause I [EXPLETIVE]in' said so.
Intercom Operator: Sir, this is your last warning. Please comply or we will b-
Unknown: Yeah and [EXPLETIVE] you too, lady. Have a good day.
The man then stepped back into his hat, which then lifted itself off the ground and floated back in the direction it entered from.
One hour and twenty minutes later, a representative of the Foundation Treasury called Site-77's lead accounting manager and reported an unverified removal of $205,000 by the site from the Foundation treasury. The site accounting manager reported the incident, and an investigation request regarding the location of the money was put in by the Treasury, but denied by the O5 council, stating "It would be a waste of Foundation resources to chase down a small fraction of our funding."
Following the incident, top hats have been banned from use during Site-77's occasional "Casual Clothing" days.
Item #: SCP-7777777 SCP-7777777 SCP-7777777 SCP-7777777 SCP-7777777 SCP-7777777 SCP-7777777 SCP-5689
Object Class: Seven Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-5689 is to be kept in a standard item container along with a water-based air-cooler to prevent the object's wax from melting, along with a document detailing which locker it is kept in so that it is not misplaced as a result of its anomalous effect. SCP-5689 should always be handled by personnel wearing latex gloves or gloves made of a generally stronger material.
Description: SCP-5689 is a wax candle in the shape of the number 7. When lit, SCP-5689 will melt as normal, however, the wick will show no burn marks, and the wax will reform itself into the original shape once it has completed its melting cycle. It takes approximately 7 hours for the wax to melt completely.
When an individual makes physical contact with SCP-5689's wax, they will experience a series of events known as SCP-5689-2. This causes the individual to be forced to do things in sets of 7, or perform most, if not, all actions in a manner which relates to the number 7 in some fashion. This effect lasts until another another individual makes contact with the wax.
SCP-5689-1 and SCP-5689-7 refers to two different forms of "luck" imbued by SCP-5689, being both bad and good luck, reSpEctiVEly. WheN SCP-5689 is lit, all individuals in a 7m radius will be imbued with 5689-1 or 5689-7, with a seemingly random chance of getting either. Individuals imbued with SCP-5689-1 will experience "bad luck" in the next 7 different activities they consciously participate in, while individuals imbued with SCP-5689-7 will experience "good luck" in the next 7 different activities they consciously participate in. On the 7th performance of the activity, they will experience an increased version of this effect, often resulting in a minor warp of reality. This effect will last until the 7 activities are completed, or until the candle has finished melting.
Origin and Recovery: SCP-5689 was recovered in hotel room 77 of the Silver Sevens Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada, on 07/17/07, under a large pile of exactly 70,000,000 pennies, equating to $700,000. The owner was a Mr. Sept Zazpi, previously named Mr. Vinto Jacobi prior to getting their name legally changed on 07/07/97. Mr. Zazpi was found counting the pennies when the Foundation located him.
The Foundation became aware of the anomaly after Caesar's Palace security attempted to remove Mr. Zazpi from the room as he overstayed his room reservations. The security members were unable to open the door as the door was blocked by the pile of pennies. Caesar's Palace submitted a police report requesting assistance in removing Mr. Zazpi from his room, at which point a Foundation police scanner picked up on the unusually large number of 7s that filled the report. A recovery team was sent from Site-616 who removed the door. Mr. Zazpi and the security team were administered Class-B amnestics and the police report was confiscated.
Addendum 5689-1 Test Logs:
Test 5689-1
Research Leader: S.R. ██████
Subject: D-69990Experiment: Candle Lighting
Type Received: SCP-5689-7
Experiment 1: Subject lit candle in the center of an empty containment chamber. The subject was given a pair of 6-sided dice, and was requested to roll them 8 times. The dice were labelled in black marker as Die A and Die B. The results are as follows: Roll 1, A-5, B-2. Roll 2, A-6, B-1. Roll 3, A-3, B-4. Roll 4, A-4, B-3. Roll 5, A-1, B-6. Roll 6, A-2, B-5. Roll 7, A-7, Die B stopped rolling and balanced itself on a vertex. Roll 8, A-6, B-5. It is unknown how Die A rolled a 7.
Experiment 2: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 3: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 4: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 5: Subject was given an unloaded six-shooter revolver and was requested to shoot a target 10 times, while under watch of an armed guard. 7 shots were fired into the direct center of the target, and the gun did not fire on the next three attempts. On attempt 5, the subject aimed the gun towards the ceiling. The bullet ricocheted off the ceiling, bounced around the chamber, then hit the direct center of the target.
Experiment 6: Subject was presented with three closed boxes, nine times. Two of the boxes were empty, while one box contained one paper dollar. The subjects was asked to choose the box containing the dollar. Attempts 1-6: Subject guessed correctly. Attempt 7: Subject guessed correctly, and discovered that there were 7 gold buffalo coins within the box in place of the dollar. Attempt 8: Subject guessed incorrectly. Attempt 9: Subject guessed correctly after a notably-long period of internal deliberation.
Experiment 7: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 8: 7 hours after first lighting the candle, the subject was asked to again draw cards 8 times, with the goal of reaching 21. Draw 1: Ace-2-4-9-6. Draw 2: King-Queen-5. Draw 3: 9-3-4-10. Draw 4: King-4-5-3. Draw 5: Ace-7-4-3-8. Draw 6: 10-9-4. Draw 7: 7-3-5-9. Draw 8: 7-3-Jack-Ace.
Test 5689-4
Research Leader: S.R. ██████
Subject: D-69998
Experiment: Candle Lighting
Type Received: SCP-5689-1
Experiment 1: Subject lit candle, and was then asked to flip four coins eight times, with the goal of getting at least one head each time. Attempt 1-6: T-T-T-T. Attempt 7: T-T-T-T-T-T-T. Attempt 8: T-H-H-T. After attempt 7, Subject was asked why they flipped one of the coins an additional three times. They said they "just felt like it was the right thing to do" and was unable to elaborate.
Experiment 2: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 3: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 4: Subject was presented with three boxes, one of which contained one US dollar, and was asked to choose the box containing the dollar. Attempts 1-6 failed. On attempt 7, when opening the box which the subject had chosen, it was discovered that six more boxes of increasingly smaller size were contained within. None of the boxes contained anything except for a smaller box. Attempt 8, Subject guessed incorrectly. Attempt 9, Subject guessed correctly.
Experiment 5: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 6: Subject was given a loaded six-shooter revolver and asked to shoot at a target while under supervision of an armed guard. On shots 1-6, the Subject missed the target. On shot 7, the bullet ricocheted off the wall behind the target, bounced around the chamber, and hit the subject in the upper left leg, shattering their femur and sending them into shock.
Additional Note: When the subject reached the infirmary, the medical staff attempted to inject the Subject with morphine to ease the pain. However, the medical staff injected the incorrect medication six times. On their 7th try to give the subject the proper injection, the subject was given a proper dose, but was given it 7 times. The subject quickly died in the infirmary due to multiple causes, most namely due to a morphine overdose. When interviewed as to how they made so many mistakes or why they gave him 7 doses, none of the staff members could return a proper answer or explanation.
Test 5689-7
Research Leader: S.R. ██████
Subject: D-7000000
Experiment: Physical contact with wax.
Procedure: Subject was given a small notepad and pencil and was asked to record the number of 7s that they encountered throughout the next 24 hours, regardless of how they encountered it.
Results: When the Subject turned in the notebook the next day, it was almost entirely blank. The subject expressed that they had no memory of what they were supposed to be recording on the notebook. The sole exception to this is on the notebook's 7th page, which was filled with various drawings of the number 7.
Test 5689-8
Research Leader: S.R. ██████
Subject: D-70007
Experiment: Physical contact with wax.
Procedure: Subject was given a small notepad and pencil and was asked to record the number of 7s that they encountered throughout the next 24 hours, regardless of how they encountered it. Subject was also shadowed by 2 extra Class-D subjects throughout their day, who were asked to record every instance of the number 7 that the Subject experienced.
Results: The next morning, It was discovered that the D-Class who were not affected by the wax counted an average of 88 separate instances during which the Subject came in contact with the number 7. There were minor inconsistencies in their reports, however, as they noted that some were very small moments or not easily noticeable, such as the subject drinking only 7 ounces of water at their lunch or only yawning 7 times throughout the day. The subjected recorded zero instances, but again had drawn the number 7 multiple times on the 7th page of the notepad.
Test 5689-10
Research Leader: S.R. ██████
Subjects: D-70017 & D-70070
Experiment: Candle lighting - Multiple Subjects
Type Received: D-70017 - SCP-5689-7, D-70070 - SCP-5689-7
Foreword: Both subjects were in the chamber. D-70017 lit the candle while D-70070 stood nearby.
Experiment 1: Blackjack. Draws 1-6, both subjects repeatedly drew blackjacks. On draw 7, both subjects drew three 7s. The deck was repeatedly checked afterwards and there were only four 7s in the deck, despite six having been drawn.
Experiment 2: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 3: Redacted for brevity. Results effectively the same.
Experiment 4: Both Subjects were provided foam dart guns and were instructed to stand at opposite sides of the chamber and aim for each other's noses 8 times. A bullet-time slow-motion camera was used to record each of the 8 tests. On tests 1-7, the darts hit each subjects' noses on the exact same frame. On test 8, both subjects missed.
Experiment 5: The subjects were instructed to press the foam dart guns against the other's forehead and fire, with the goal of dodging their opponent's shot AND hitting their opponent. When the trigger was pulled, the dart guns melted in the subjects hands, presumably due to the paradox of being given a goal which requires shooting an un-shoot-able opponent. Neither subjects sustained any burn injuries from the melting, despite the liquid plastic having a temperature of 371.11°C.
Experiment 6: The subjects were asked to think of a number between one and ten, write it down, and then try to guess the other subject's number while making it impossible for the other to guess theirs. The subjects did not move for the remainder of their 7-hour timer. Subject D-70017 then guessed 9 and Subject D-70070 guessed 4. Both of the subjects had written down the number 7.
Test 5689-12
Subject: Senior Researcher ██████
Experiment: Candle lighting - Manipulation
Type Received: SCP-5689-7
Procedure: S.R. ██████ submitted a formal request to the O5 council requesting that "one large chocolate cake is baked for me daily and delivered to my office."
Results: In a 7-6 vote, the O5 council formally agreed to the request. O5-7 was particularly enthusiastic, and noted in their responding notice of acceptance that "It is of the utmost importance that this task be carried out without failure." All of the members of the O5 council later stated that they had all voted in opposition, some even laughing at the idea. No kitchen staff were informed of the manipulated agreement, however, S.R. ██████ still received a chocolate cake on their desk every morning for 7 days, which was baked and delivered by kitchen staff. When interviewed, the kitchen staff said that they felt like "it was what they were supposed to be doing." S.R. ██████ has been submitted for a standard Employment Termination Review.
Addendum 5689-2: Additional Notes and Attachments
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-1
I am interviewing a guy who was sitting on a pile of 70 million pennies just ten minutes ago. The gun guys confiscated a candle and this guy won't stop asking for his candle back. I really wish he would just answer my questions. Can you retire from this job early, or formally resign without being terminated?
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-2
I take it back, this is a really neat candle. I now understand how a person comes to acquire 70 million pennies. You get lucky. Mad lucky. I wonder how many times that guy had used it to get things.
I start testing on it tomorrow. I'm expecting some really interesting results.
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-3
Why is literally everything attached to this candle in any way related to the number 7. It's even in the shape of a 7. That shouldn't be hard to wrap my head around but it's just so blunt and so unlike a lot of the other anomalies I've worked with.
The guy we worked with got good luck. Everything we asked him to do was completed to perfection 7 times over. I wonder if it'll take 7 times before we get a guy with bad luck
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-4
Someone pointed out to me that I keep writing the number 7 where it doesn't belong and then I erase it. I somehow hadn't realized that I was doing this. I wonder if this has some sort of mental effect on those around it.
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-5
That'sssssss That's it. I'm resigning. I've been exposed to infinite potatoes, liquid-teleporting coffee machines, and now my brain is endlessly filled with the number 7. It keeps floating by in the back of my head. I think about dinner? Yeah, I'll have 7 slices of cheese on my burger. That's a logical and not-insane suggestion.
Formal Resignation for S.R. ██████
Following my 23 years working for the Foundation, I believe it's time I take some kind of leave. I'd like to leave my legacy on a high note and I plan to leave the new entity to a worthy predecessor. I hereby agree to remain silent about the operations within the SCP Foundation, and understand the penalty of termination if I should break this promise. I greatly appreciate this opportunity that you've provided me.
-S.R. ██████
Result: DENIED
Notes: The O5 council finds this resignation to be of both poor writing and purely unnecessary. After reviewing your file, which although is extensive, it has been determined that there is no reasonable purpose for your resignation. To add, you are only 30. You did not join the Foundation when you were 7. Do not lie to us. Consider this a formal reprimand and a mark on your record.
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-6
[EXPLETIVE]
NOTICE:
SCP-5689 has been labelled as such with the express purpose of spiting the SCP. Please do not change its label.
-S.R. ██████
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 7777-7
777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777
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Formal O7 O5 Request
I respectfully wish to be removed from the 5689 research team. I feel as though something is wrong with me and my data may be factually incorrect as a result. Following my removal from the research team, I will submit myself for a psychiatric test to ensure that I may continue working. I cannot stop seeing 7s.
-S.R. ██████
O5 Response to S.R. ██████'s request
While the council appreciates the difficulties that can come with working with anomalies of this nature, no false data has been found, and your psychiatric evaluation results from yesterday returned normal. Please continue testing and research.
-The O-5 Council
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-6
[EXPLETIVE] the O7 council
Formal Request to the Ethics Committee to Review an O7 O5 Decision
Attached to this document is a response from the O5 council regarding a requeSt to rEmoVE S.R. ██████ from the SCP-56789 SCP-5689 research team. I feel as though my miNd is slipping away from me slowly. My psychiatric tes7 does not reflect this but you wiiiiiiill will see this in my writing. I simply request to have their decision reconsidered as I believe being in cloSE ProximiTy to the objec7 has caused my sani7y to start slipping away from me…….
-S.R. ██████
Ethics Committee Response to S.R. ██████'s Request
The Ethics Committee has come to the decision that the O5's decision will stand for the time being. Please submit yourself for a secondary psychiatric evaluation in one week. If there are any negative changes, the Committee may review this decision.
-The Ethics Committee
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-8
It'S from 7ouchIng thE wax! I've been puTting it away with my hands all this timE! I need gloves.
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-9
Gloves haven't helped yet. When does 7his effec7 wear off? I can't be s7uck with it. I jus7 can't…….
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-10
It'sssssss Still thEre. eVEryoNe keeps pointing out all of my 7s, the spelling errors in my no7es, 7he weird capitalizations. I keep washing my handS ovEr and oVEr agaiN after I finish handling i7. I can't get anyone to agree 7o move it post-7est. I need someone else to just 7ouch the wax already.
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry
Finally got some D-Class to touch it for an experiment and there's been fewer 7-related events since then. I feel so oddly relieved. I need a slushie.
-S.R. ██████ Journal entry 5689-15
I just came up with a genius plan to finally get out of this place.
Formal O5 Request
I want an [EXPLETIVE] chocolate cake on my desk every morning from now on for handling this [EXPLETIVE]
-S.R. ██████
O5 response to S.R. ██████'s request
It has been determined by the O5 council that it is imperative to the entirety of the foundation that this request be fulfilled. We cannot pride ourselves in quality containment otherwise. It is of the utmost importance that this task be carried out without failure.
-O5-7 and the O5 council
Employment Termination Review 0043
Employee: S.R. ██████
Purpose of Review: Employee intentionally used SCP-5689 to manipulate the O5 Council for personal gain.
Results: S.R. ██████ will receive severe reprimand for their actions, and will be given the option to receive Class-B amnestics to remove their experience with SCP-5689 from their memory and be demoted, or to receive full employment termination following Foundation Employment Termination Protocol.
NOTICE: SCP-5689 MAY NOT BE USED FOR THE MANIPULATION OF OTHERS AND ALL TESTING REGARDING THE USE OF SCP-5689 FOR MANIPULATION IS TO BE TERMINATED IMMEDIATELY
Item #: SCP-5160
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-5160 is to remain connected to the USB 2.0 port of a ███████ computer on the desk in Office 208, which was previously unused. The monitor of SCP-5160's computer should be recorded at all times. A monitor, set of two speakers, mouse, keyboard, webcam, and microphone should be placed/mounted on the same desk and connected to the computer housing SCP-5160. The computer should be connected to a standard ██ ████████ color printer - encased in a clear plastic box in a standard 2.5m x 2.5m x 2.5m steel SCP containment chamber - via a 2-way USB 2.0 extension cord. The plastic box should include openings for human interfacing and an opening for the creation of instances of SCP-5160-1. The containment chamber should be equipped with a remote-activated sprinkler system. Neither the computer nor the printer may be switched off or lose power at any time for any reason except for ten minutes during a routine maintenance check or in the instance of an emergency.
The sprinkler system should be activated no more than 15 minutes after the creation of an instance of SCP-5160-1 unless two or more instances are created within this time period, in which case the sprinkler system should be activated after two minutes following the last printing. The printer should constantly be stocked with each color of ink as well as standard printer paper. The computer may not be interacted with between the hours of 11:00pm CST to 8:00am CST.
A secondary monitor, set of two speakers, mouse, keyboard, webcam, and microphone should be placed/mounted in the Site-19 break room and linked to the computer housing SCP-5160 per the requests of SCP-5160-2, which may be used by any site personnel. These should be deactivated/switched off between the hours of 11:00pm CST to 8:00am CST. See Addendum 5160-1.
All components of SCP-5160 should receive routine maintenance by Site-19 IT personnel and maintenance staff. It is important that this maintenance check is performed regularly so as to prevent SCP-5160 from creating more than thirty instances of SCP-5160-1 at a time or from an uncontained printer.
Once on the last day of every month, the printer should be re-stocked with colored inks and fresh paper. The computer and all connected components, both wired and wireless, should be cleared of dust and checked for tampering or other anomalous behaviors. Once every two weeks, the printer should be checked for jamming and the components connected to the computer should be checked for any and all damages and repaired where necessary, or have a request put in for replacement components. Once every six hours, following a printing event, the floor of the containment chamber housing SCP-XXXX's printer should be thoroughly washed clean and dried. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD ANY PERSONNEL ATTEMPT TO REMOVE SCP-5160 FROM THE COMPUTER.
Description: SCP-5160 is a standard 64-gigabyte USB storage device produced by █████████. SCP-5160 can only be interfaced with a computer running on the Windows XP operating system or earlier variations. The digital files contained in SCP-5160 includes a program to remove all applications from the OS excluding the System Settings and File Browser, the additions of an application titled "Paint", an application titled "Internet", an application titled "Camera", an application titled "Notes", a folder containing a list of games including Solitaire, Chess, and Checkers, and the data and executable files that allow for the creation of instances of SCP-5160-1 and the continued existence of SCP-5160-2. Attempted removal of SCP-5160 from its computer will immediately electrocute any person making physical contact with it, resulting in death, and may result in a site-wide power outage. How SCP-5160 recognizes when it is in danger of being removed or destroyed, as well as how it outputs electric currents, is currently unknown.
SCP-5160-1 refers to entities created by the printer every hour and a half or when a drawing is created through the use of the "Paint" application. These entities are sheets of standard printer paper with a printed image, with the image being either an exact replication of a drawing created with the "Paint" application or an exact replication of the wallpaper used on the computer. Despite being capable of movement, the entities possess no observable intelligence and act as drones. After creation, the area of the image containing the subject of the image will remove itself from the rest of the sheet of paper and begin moving in a manner akin to an inchworm. If the image has no discernible subject, the entirety of the image will be removed instead.
SCP-5160-1 entities will move towards the nearest human and will attempt to move the human in the direction of the printer by any means it is capable of. In most cases, the entity will try to push the human in the direction of the printer, but if the entity possess shapes akin to appendages, it will attempt to drag the human.
Once a human is within a radius of one meter from the printer, SCP-5160-1 entities will restrain the human to the ground. The entities will then create an open wound in the back of the victim's cranium, remove the brain, and flatten it until the brain is the approximate width and height of a sheet of printer paper, and will force it to enter the printer through the paper output tray. The printer will then process the brain backwards and leave it in the input paper tray unchanged. The result of this process causes a version of the human to manifest in the form of data files and an executable file named after the human on SCP-5160. This creation will occur regardless of whether the printer is equipped with a scanner.
Despite possessing strength that is significantly greater than that of a sheet of paper, instances of SCP-5160-1 can be easily destroyed with water. After the ink has washed off the paper, the drone will revert back to a standard sheet of printer paper. SCP-5160-1 instances are still notably weak but pose a threat in greater numbers.
Thirty instances of SCP-5160-1 will be created every 90 minutes following the last set of thirty. If for any reason these thirty instances are not printed, they will be printed immediately at the next available opportunity. If the computer is not connected to a printer via a cable connection, or the computer that it is connected to cannot operate, or SCP-5160 detects numerous destroyed SCP-5160-1 instances nearby, it will print these instances from the next nearest wireless color printer. How SCP-5160 detects these destroyed instances is currently unknown.
SCP-5160-2 is an executable file located on SCP-5160 titled "Daniel Klarke." The executable file will begin running immediately after the computer has booted up, and cannot be stopped without the input of a password which is currently unknown. The result of running SCP-5160-2 is the creation of a crude sprite with dimensions of 200p X 300p that vaguely resembles the shape of a human. It has simple blue relatively-circular "eyes" and a black "mouth", brown "hair", and wears a plain red "shirt" and blue "pants" with simple brown "shoes." SCP-5160-2 is fully sapient and aware of its situation and surroundings. It is able to view and interact with other objects on the screen as if it were a real person with a mouse and keyboard, despite having no means with which to type. SCP-5160-2 is fully capable of interacting with Foundation staff, however it cannot see staff unless a webcam is connected and the application "Camera" is open. It also cannot produce sound without the connection of speakers and cannot interpret sound without the connection of a microphone unless the sound is produced by an application on the computer.
SCP-5160-2 itself does not require food, water, or oxygen due to its mode of existence, and has indicated that it cannot be damage or experience pain. SCP-5160-2 may therefore be immortal. Research regarding this has proven inconclusive. SCP-5160-2 cannot yet be permanently deleted due to the aforementioned password lock, which Site-19 IT personnel have not located anywhere in the computer's programming or the files of SCP-5160. To date, there is no way to bypass this password lock.
SCP-5160-2 does require sleep, but cannot sleep while it appears on the monitor. The only time where it does not appear on the monitor and can sleep is when the computer has entered sleep mode. Shutting the computer down and then rebooting it simply returns SCP-5160-2 to the state it was in when it was shut down. SCP-5160-2 has a designated sleeping time between the hours of 11:00pm CST to 8:00am CST.
Interviews with SCP-5160-2 reveal that it exists on a three-dimensional plane within a black void, and views the other objects that display on the monitor on an object similar to a large touchscreen. It reaches different areas of the monitor through a form of levitation, clicks on objects by touching its touchscreen, and types through some form of telepathy. See Addendum 5160-4 for copies and transcriptions of interviews. These claims were confirmed by D-16854 during an interview following Incident 5160-10. (See Addendum 2.)
Origin: According to the story proposed by Daniel Klarke and corroborated by PoI Jacob Vints, both Klarke and Vints were previous employees of the now-closed ███████ IT branch in Los Angeles, California. Vints created SCP-5160 with the intent of "bringing humanity its greatest achievement, the gift of immortality." Vints arrived early to work on the morning of 04/08/2007 and inserted SCP-5160 into the computer at Klarke's personal work station, and 30 instances of SCP-5160-1 were printed from the printer in Klarke's private office. Klarke's remains went undiscovered for approximately three hours when a co-worker opened the door to Klarke's private office and was attacked by 90 instances of SCP-XXXX-1. The building was subsequently abandoned. SCP-5160-1 instances continued to print from numerous printers inside the building until power to the building was cut on 08/02/2007. After approximately two years of the authorities receiving numerous complaints regarding noise emanating from the building, the building was investigated and the authorities were attacked by numerous SCP-5160-1 instances. The UIU was contacted and the Foundation was then sent the report and investigation request and immediately opened an investigation on 06/14/2009. SCP-5160 was located under a small pile of rubble in Klarke's office.24 All previous employees as well as the involved officers were contacted and interviewed, then given Class-B Amnesiacs. Vints was located, detained, and had his property searched for other anomalous objects.25 Vints is now serving life in prison at Pelican Bay State Prison. Vints has since been terminated following Interview 5160-6 (See Addendum 3).
The exact purpose of SCP-5160 was detailed by Vints as "a device capable of forcing humanity to become immortal by relinquishing their physical forms and living within SCP-5160." The productions of SCP-5160-1 instances are to ensure that this occurs.26
Addendum 5160-1: SCP-5160-2 Request Log:
06/16/2009 - One webcam of any quality and one microphone of any quality.
Granted.
06/24/2009 - To be transported to a "more populated area of the facility."
Denied.
06/25/2009 - To have a secondary monitor, mouse, keyboard, webcam, microphone, and set of speakers set up/mounted in a "more populated area of the facility" and have them connected back to the computer, with the purpose of interacting with other site personnel.
Granted following an inquiry with the Ethics Committee regarding the mental health of SCP-5160-2, which had been declining. A reservation log has been placed near the setup for site personnel to reserve time slots for interacting with SCP-5160-2. A summary log has also been placed near the setup for logging the interactions with SCP-5160-2 throughout the day.
08/18/2009 - To be given more game programs.
Granted. SCP-5160's computer downloaded minesweeper, Texas hold-em, and blackjack.
08/18/2009 - To be given more modern game programs.
Denied.
Addendum 5160-2: Incident Log:
1. 06/15/2009 - Immediately following the initial insert of SCP-5160 into its housing computer, the printer in Dr. █████████'s office created ███ copies of SCP-5160-1, all of which were printed images of a star map, consistent with the wallpaper of SCP-5160's housing computer. The printer stopped after running out of ink, at which point the printer in the Site-19 mail room printed ███ copies of SCP-5160-1 before being unplugged. The printer in office 104 then printed ██ copies of SCP-5160-1. All instances of SCP-5160-1 created during this incident were destroyed by gunfire from on-site response teams before any serious damages could be caused.
2. 06/15/2009 - Researcher ███████ attempted removing SCP-5160 from its housing computer and was subsequently killed via electrocution.
3. 06/15/2009 - D-16734 was requested to attempt unplugging the computer and was subsequently killed via electrocution in the process, despite the computer having been switched off prior to the attempt.
4. 06/20/2009 - D-16736 was requested to attempt the removal of SCP-5160 from its housing computer using a robotic arm. An electric current jumped from SCP-5160, through the protective glass, and D-16736 was subsequently killed via electrocution before SCP-5160 could be removed.
5. 06/26/2009 - The speakers of SCP-5160's housing computer made a loud sound of celebration, unprompted. A short investigation revealed that SCP-5160-2 had just won it's 5,000th game of checkers against a computer opponent. SCP-5160-2 admitted to raising the volume on its own.
6. 07/12/2009 - D-16803 was requested to attempt the removal of SCP-5160 from its housing computer while wearing a shock-proof suit. A bolt of electricity jumped from the end of SCP-5160 and into the suit. D-16803 caught fire and suffered severe third-degree burns. Site-19 experienced a brief power-outage lasting approximately 2 minutes. No attempts of removal are permitted following this event.
7. 08/28/2009 - SCP-5160-2 became angered at its loss of a chess match against Researcher ███████ while they were on their lunch break and disabled the computer monitor for approximately 8 minutes.
8. 02/17/2010 - One hundred and twenty instances of SCP-5160-1 were printed following a routine maintenance check where Maintenance Staff member ██████ forgot to turn the computer back on. The computer was not powered on for six hours and approximately forty-eight minutes. All instances were immediately destroyed by the chamber's sprinkler system. ██████ was reprimanded, demoted, and had to clean the destroyed instances of SCP-5160-1 from their containment chamber as punishment.
9. 04/12/2010 - Dr. ███████ created a drawing of an apple using SCP-5160's paint application while on a morning coffee break. Immediately after saving the drawing, an instance of SCP-5160-1 was created, which took the exact shape and design of the drawing.
10. 09/17/2018 - [REDACTED] D-16854's accompanying guard was severely reprimanded and demoted for their inhumane actions, and D-16854's brain is now being held for further research and observation.
11. 09/17/2018-09/18/2018 - [REDACTED]
Addendum 5160-3: Interviews:
Interview 5160-1
Interviewed: SCP-5160-2
Interviewer: Dr. █████████
Foreword: The interview is conducted via a text file on SCP-5160 as SCP-5160-2 does not yet have a way of interpreting speech or viewing the world outside of its plane of existence. An exact copy of the text file has been reformatted below.
<Begin Log, 06/16/2009>
Dr. █████████: Hello, SCP-5160-2. I am Doctor █████████.
SCP-5160-2: i'm sorry, i don't know what that means.
Dr. █████████: Ah, yes, pardon me. The USB drive you exist on was recently confiscated, you've been given a new title to easily identify you.
SCP-5160-2: that… makes sense, i suppose. please, though, call me dan, or daniel.
Dr. █████████: Could you please describe your surroundings, Daniel.
SCP-5160-2: it's like a large black room. there's a floor, a ceiling, and walls on my left and right, but theyre all pitch black. in front of me is a gigantic touchscreen. i can't really move on a Z-Axis so I don't know about a wall behind me.
Dr. █████████: How do you interact with the screen if you can't move on a Z-Axis?
SCP-5160-2: lemme rephrase. i can stretch out and move my body parts on a Z-Axis but i can't move my entire body on one.
Dr. █████████: I see. Daniel, when we discovered you, it had been approximately two years since your creation. What was time like for you during that period?
SCP-5160-2: two years? no. <SCP-5160-2 runs across the monitor and turns to look at the clock> two years! well [EXPLETIVE] doc, for starters i guess that makes me forty. i was thirty-eight when it happened. i am, or i guess was, a real living person. As for the time i was out…
<SCP-5160-2 does not type for ten seconds.>
SCP-5160-2: i don't know. it's like, a continuous memory. one second the calendar says 2007 and the next, the calendar says 2009. there's not really anything in between. it's like there's a two year gap in my memory.
Dr. █████████: You were a real person? How is it that you ended up here?
SCP-5160-2: can. can we talk about this tomorrow. i just discovered that i've time-traveled two years.
Dr. █████████: Of course. Have a good day, Daniel.
<Dr. █████████ stands up and begins to exit the office when an accompanying guard points out that SCP-5160-2 is still typing.>
SCP-5160-2: oh, doc. a couple more things. if you could plug in a microphone and a set of speakers to this clunky old piece of junk, we could communicate verbally. also. would you please play against me in a game of checkers? i haven't had an opponent in two years.
<Dr. █████████ looks at his watch, pauses for five seconds, and sits down at the computer.>
Dr. █████████: I'll put in your request with my superiors.
<Dr. █████████ neglects to answer the second question.>
<End Log>
Closing Statement: An inquiry regarding SCP-5160-2's request for additional hardware was submitted.
Interview 5160-2
Interviewed: SCP-5160-2
Interviewer: Dr. █████████
Foreword: Communications now occur through the use of a pair of speakers and a microphone. The speakers produce a discernible voice over a layer of static.
<Begin Log, 06/17/2009>
SCP-5160-2: Wow, Doc. I appreciate you caring about me so much, but you couldn't have found anything newer?
Dr. █████████: Is there any functionality issues?
<There is five seconds of silence>
SCP-5160-2: No.
Dr. █████████: Great. I take it you were employed at ███████? What position?
SCP-5160-2: Wait, how did you know that?
Dr. █████████: It's written in my interview notes.
SCP-5160-2: I wasn't aware that you had notes. Would help to have a camera plugged in, don't need it but it'd be nice. Anyway yeah, I was the lead manager of their IT branch. Not the best job but it kept paying the bills. Great group of people working there, mostly.
Dr. █████████: Were any of your employees not so great?
SCP-5160-2: Well, they were- wait, no. There was this guy, Jacob. Always seemed a little out of it. Brought in a lot of little feats of engineering, neat programs, etc. They were some pretty cool inventions, truthfully, but… never seemed like he was playing with a full deck.
Dr. █████████: Jacob…?
SCP-5160-2: Vints. Jacob Vints.
Dr. █████████: Is he the one that did this to you? Moved you from a physical to a digital form?
SCP-5160-2: …Maybe. He was telling me about some way for humanity to become.. immortal? I kinda played along, told him I'd be interested in being his first test subject. I didn't show up to his place, thought it was just some running joke. I guess I paid some kind of price. Karma, huh..
Dr. █████████: I see… were you attacked by SCP-5160-1 then?
SCP-5160-2: Uh… dash-one, dash-one… You mean those [EXPLETIVE] printer demons? Like hell I was! Came out of the printer in my office, thought I'd somehow accidentally printed my computer's background when the things jumped off the printer! I managed to tear up a few of them but they held me to the ground and started [EXPLETIVE] crushing my [EXPLETIVE] skull until I passed out! Then I woke up here. Are you telling me Jacob did this to me!?
Dr. █████████: I'm not saying anything, Dan. I'm just asking questions. Thanks for your time. I'll look into getting that camera for you.
SCP-5160-2: That little [EXPLETIVE]! I swear if I ever get out o-
<End Log>
Closing Statement: A second inquiry was submitted regarding acquiring a webcam for SCP-5160-2 to better interpret the outside world. A search for Jacob Vints has been opened.
Interview XXXX-6
Interviewed: Jacob Vints
Interviewer: Dr. █████████
Foreward: Jacob Vints was detained for the murder of Daniel Klarke and for the attempted assault of numerous citizens and police officers.
<Begin Log, 06/24/2009>
Dr. █████████: Hello, Mr. Vints.
Jacob Vints: Good afternoon, Doctor.
Dr. █████████: How have you been holding up recently?
Jacob Vints: As well as one can under my circumstances, I guess. Tell me, doctor, what exactly have I been detained for?
<There is approximately 10 seconds of silence as Dr. █████████ flips through his notes>
Dr. █████████: The murder of Daniel Klarke, th-
Jacob Vints: Murder!? My creations brought my lovely employer a new life! A new medium of existence! He has been given the gift of eternal life, I hardly call that a crime! It's a technological wonder!
Dr. █████████: Right. You mean that you created the USB?
Jacob Vints: The thumb drive? No, that was made by whatever company was printed on the box. I am the one that gave it the ability to contain life itself!
Dr. █████████: I was referring to the contents held within the thumb drive. Why make the drones?
Jacob Vints: Ah, my printer paper pals. Some people don't like me, don't like the things I create. I told my friends that I had unlocked the secret to living forever and they looked at me like I was a madman. I had to devise some way to make them join it, my little world. Admittedly, it's a limited sort of immortality, but it works, and I want everyone to share in it.
Dr. █████████: Is that why it can't be removed? Why there's a password lock?
Jacob Vints: Why do you want to know about that. How do you know about that? Did you try to remove it? Do you despise my love for the world as well!?
Dr. █████████: Mr. Vints, I need you to retain a level of calmness. I'm simply asking questions that need answers.
Jacob Vints: I won't tell you another word! You want to unplug, to end, delete, destroy the only thing in my life I've ever had to cling to! It was supposed to make people happy! I would get recognized! (Vints slams his fists against the table. Tears can be seen on his cheeks.) [EXPLETIVE] this cursed planet, this doomed species!
<Vints lunges at Dr. █████████. An armed guard rushes into the interrogation room and attempts to restrain Vints. Vints reaches for the guard's firearm and is terminated.>
<End Log>
Closing Statement: I wish he hadn't been terminated, at least not so soon. He knew a lot more than I managed to get out of him. Seemed like there was a good person in there somewhere. I wish blood wasn't so hard to get out of this coat. -Dr. █████████
Item #: Unknown
Object Class: Unclear at this time
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-Unknown is to be contained in an unknown facility in an unknown cell, item locker, or other containment device which is to be discerned by the nature of the object or entity. This device is to be ?x? in size and is to be constructed of a material that is not comprehensible at the time of writing.
For an indeterminable amount of time, the entity is to be interacted and/or not interacted with in, during which a (or a series of) actions must and/or must not be performed. This (or these) actions are to be repeated at least ? number of times per ?, or are not to be repeated or performed at all. The manner in which these interactions must occur (if any), as well as the constraints thereof (if any), are not currently known.
Description: SCP-Unknown is/is not an object and/or/nor entity of indeterminate appearance.27 SCP-Unknown resembles a solid, liquid, and/or gas of unknown makeup. SCP-Unknown has been described as being or not being a member of the kingdom Animalia, and is most closely related to or least closely related to amphibians, mammals, reptiles, birds, and/or/nor fish. SCP-Unknown has or has not also been described as being or not being a wooden ball, a metal ball, a glass ball, a plastic ball, a rubber ball, a baseball, a bowling ball, a table-tennis ball, a regular tennis ball, a kickball, a softball, a cricket ball, a basketball, a soccer ball, a futball, a beach ball, a field hockey ball, a lacrosse ball, a paint ball, a pickleball, a pickle ball, a squash ball, a squash ball, a handball, a hand ball, a foosball, a volleyball, a scratch ball, a billiard ball (labelled or not labelled 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, and/or/nor 18), a water polo ball, a round ball, a cube ball, a pyramid ball, a real ball, a not real ball, an unreal ball, an inreal ball, a something ball, a nothing ball, an everything ball, nothing but a ball in space, a pizza ball, a chocolate ball, a dough ball, a doughnut hole, a twine ball, a paper ball, a happy ball, an angry ball, a bawling ball, a laughing ball, a big ball, a small ball, a normal-sized ball, a blue ball, a red ball, a green ball, an orange ball, an orange, a yellow ball, a purple ball, an indigo ball, a brown ball, a black ball, a white ball, a lime green ball, a bright green ball, a dark green ball, a granny smith apple green ball, a forest green ball, an emerald green ball, a mint green ball, a jade green ball, a [? number of descriptors have been redacted for brevity]28
What the entity/object is or is not capable of is currently unknown. The means by which it does or does not carry out these capabilities or incapabilities is currently unknown.
Addendum SCP-Unknown-?: Discovery
SCP-Unknown was/was not discovered at an unknown location at ???? hours on ??/??/????, on or within or not on or within a mass of unknown makeup.
SCP-Unknown was or was not in the possession of none, one, and/or multiple objects or entities. It is or is not believed that these entities (or lack thereof) were or were not using SCP-Unknown in order to directly and/or indirectly cause and/or directly prevent or indirectly prevent or directly prevent the prevention of or indirectly prevent the prevention of an/many/no unknown event(s).
OOU Note: To-Do
Test log
Email Convo
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid Neutralized? Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is kept in a large item containment chamber at Site-82.
Description: SCP-XXXX is, with the exception of instances of SCP-XXXX-1, entirely imperceptible to human senses. As such, the appearance, sounds, textures, size, etc. either cannot be determined with complete accuracy or cannot be determined whatsoever. SCP-XXXX is located near Al-Ahsa, Saudi Arabia, at approximately 20°46'19"N 49°09'53"E.
SCP-XXXX-1 refers to any humans within a 125m radius of SCP-XXXX that have not consumed any significant amount of calories in at least 12 days. When a human becomes an instance of SCP-XXXX, they will instinctually move towards SCP-XXXX. It is believed that SCP-XXXX only reveals itself to humans under these circumstances. Instances will approach the location of SCP-XXXX and then stand near it, as though observing it. SCP-XXXX-1 instances will then perform a series of motions and hand gestures, which will result in the instance acquiring an article of food. After this, the instance will no longer be able to perceive the entity. Articles of food include whole meals, as well as individual portions of food such as various bags, containers, or singular pieces of fruits, vegetables, raw meat products, food condiments, or beverages. Some food items removed have been contained in name-brand packaging.
Those that have been instances of SCP-XXXX-1 have described it as "cold and empty," or "pretty funny, honestly." Despite multiple interviews with these instances, these have been the only descriptions produced. It is currently theorized that SCP-XXXX possesses a cognitohazardous ability which prevents those that have interacted with it from describing it with respect to its sensory details. This has made discerning what the object is considerably difficult29
Addendum XXXX-1: Observation Logs.
Note: Full interview and video logs can be found in Site-82's archived data logs.
Log Date: 1/7/1969
Observation Notes: A middle-aged male interacted with SCP-XXXX and removed a ham, pepper-jack cheese, and mayo sandwich.
Log Date: 2/24/1969
Observation Notes: A young adult female approached SCP-XXXX and removed a half-empty box of orange chicken.
Log Date: 10/2/1970
Observation Notes: A male child approached SCP-XXXX and removed a Lunchables "Pizza with Pepperoni" prepackaged meal.30
Log Date: 3/19/1971
Observation Notes: An older male approached SCP-XXXX and removed a vinyl box with a heavy-duty foil interior, which contained a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich. The box also contained a plastic bag of plain salted potato chips and a second plastic bag containing two plain chocolate brownies. On the exterior of the box was a post-it note reading "For work, no touchy ):< -Kate."
Log Date: 12/4/1973
Observation Notes: A young male approached SCP-XXXX and observed it for roughly 15 minutes. He removed a canister of whipped cream and emptied the canister into his mouth. When interviewed on the subject, he said "there was nothing else worthwhile."
Log Date: 7/8/1974
Observation Notes: A middle-aged female approached SCP-XXXX and removed a plastic container, which contained peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, a plastic bag of plain salted potato chips, and four slices of an apple. On the lid was two post-it notes, the first of which read "Lunch for work. Btw, you owe me a sandwich date, Jake. -Kate" and the second of which read "P.S. Where's my lunchbox?"
Log Date: 4/15/1975
Observation Notes: A middle-aged male approached SCP-XXXX and removed a sheet of lined notebook paper as opposed to a food product. Written on the paper was the following note: "I thought about our conversation last night and I've decided that I'm done with you. You're a good guy but god damn, you're too good. The only thing you're bad at is sex. Oh btw, I've been fucking Mike. I think of him when we have sex just for some actual turn-on. Get fucked. -Kate (P.S. Keep my fucking lunchbox, I bet you've been JO'ing into it anyway.)"
Log Date: 1/22/1976
Observation Notes: A middle-aged adult male and a young male child approached SCP-XXXX. The adult removed a bottle Heineken lager beer and the child removed a box with the labelling of Domino's Pizza, which contained a half-eaten pepperoni pizza.
Log Date: 8/15/1976
Observation Notes: A middle-aged adult male approached SCP-XXXX and removed a six-pack of Coors Light beer.
Log Date: 6/14/1977
Observation Notes: A young adult female approached SCP-XXXX and removed a twelve-pack of Bud Light beer.
Log Date: 3/20/1978
Observation Notes: A middle-aged adult female approached and observed SCP-XXXX for roughly five minutes before removing a sheet of lined notebook paper. She then removed a bag of frozen peas, which had expired on 1/4/1971. The sheet of paper had a small piece of tape on the back and read "Free, working condition. More furniture for sale inside."
Addendum XXXX-2: Site-82 Phone Logs
Note: The following is an excerpt of the phone logs from Site-82 between Dr. Ray Johnson at Site-19 and Site Director William Clancy at Site-82.
Call Date: 2/2/1984, 14:37pm GMT.
Begin Log
Johnson: Hello, 82.
Clancy: Hey, I got another one for ya.
Johnson: Oh god damnit, Will. How are you still in our employment?
Clancy: Look, the Saudi branch consists of four people: My research aid Claire, Jackie over at the Specialty Carriage Producers, myself, and this ceramic jug full of some kinda alcohol. Anyway, listen to this.
Johnson: Yeah, yeah, I'm listening.
Clancy: What's cold, empty, and heartless?
Johnson: My ex-girlfriend.
Clancy: No, a new refr- hey, wait a minute..
Johnson: What?
Clancy: laughs hysterically.
Call Terminated by Site-19.
End Log