Per 
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be held within a standard humanoid containment cell furnished to resemble a standard living room, reminiscent of those found in ordinary suburban homes. Following good behavior, SCP-XXXX will be allowed to visit it's family for approximately 24 hours. Following bad behavior, SCP-XXXX will be moved to a standard, lower-quality humanoid containment cell with no outside contact for 48 hours. SCP-XXXX is prohibited from answering any verbal form of communication following the trigger word "I'm".
Any Foundation personnel assigned to SCP-XXXX are to be monitored by Foundation personnel at all times for any sign of misconduct. If any Foundation personnel are found to be mistreating SCP-XXXX, they are to be severely reprimanded and assigned to another non-sentient SCP.
Description: SCP-XXXX is a Caucasian middle-aged man formerly residing in San Francisco, California. SCP-XXXX exhibits no anomalous ability unless verbally communicated with by another non anomalous human subject. When a human target says anything in a sentence starting with "I'm", SCP-XXXX will gain minor reality-altering abilities.
Following the sentence involving the trigger word "I'm", SCP-XXXX is able to warp the target's name into anything said after the trigger word "I'm". While memories are not affected, any written record of the target's name will be changed into what was stated after the trigger word.
If the words stated after the trigger word were adjectives, the target's body will become permanently altered to match the adjective, even if it must defy the laws of reality.
Addendum: Interview-XXXX-A
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Researcher Babineaux
Foreword: This interview was conducted on 6/5/18 in an attempt by Researcher Babineaux to gain more information about SCP-XXXX's family and origins.
Researcher Babineaux: Good morning SCP-XXXX, how do you feel?
SCP-XXXX: I want to die. I truly do. You and your little gang of nerds always snicker and laugh about the guy who can fuck people up with dad jokes but it's really not funny and you put me in a very fucked up situation!
Researcher Babinaux: Right, I apologize for our behavior. A-Anyways, do you have any idea of how you became like this?
SCP-XXXX: Oh I sure as fuck do, you guys did this to me! You, Victor, and Ricardo did this to me! You may act like I'm fucking crazy, but I know the truth! So tell me Babineaux, was it worth it? You ruined my life!
Researcher Babineaux: Excuse me but may I ask you what the hell you're talking about? If you refuse to cooperate, you will be punished.
SCP-XXXX: Oh fuck off! Just admit it already! How many interviews of ours have been destroyed or tampered with, huh? Cut the shit!
Researcher Babineaux: Hey Victor, did you cut the camera yet? No?! Fuck, fuck! Cut it fast! I'll make sure whoever the fuck is watching this won't be a problem, alright? The council is already starting to catch on, but not for long. Just cut the feed!
Closing Statement: Following this incident, SCP-XXXX was severely reprimanded for it's actions. Researcher Babineuax is in no way contributing to the mistreatment of SCP-XXXX or any D-class personnel. He has never harmed an SCP and never will.
Addendum: Testing Log-XXXX-A
| DATE | DATA | EFFECTS | NOTES |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1/20/18 |
D-XXXX-2 instructed to say "I'm dead" in a conversation with SCP-XXXX. |
D-XXXX-2 collapsed immediately, having been terminated via cardiac arrest. | D-XXXX-2 had no previous heart conditions despite being terminated via cardiac arrest. |
| 3/5/18 |
D-XXXX-3 instructed to say "I'm going to go to hell right now" in a conversation with SCP-XXXX. |
D-XXXX-4 experienced no abnormal effects before being terminated by [REDACTED]. Any event transpiring after the termination of D-XXXX-4 is currently unknown. | It is currently being investigated by Foundation personnel as to what happened to D-XXXX-4 after they died. |
| 4/5/18 |
D-XXXX-5 was instructed to say "I'm experiencing intense hunger and pain" in a conversation with SCP-XXXX. |
D-XXXX-5 began convulsing from the pain and hunger, resulting in his soon termination via [REDACTED]. | D-XXXX-5 was entertaining to watch die. |
| 4/20/18 |
D-XXXX-5 was instructed to say "I'm immortal" in a conversation with SCP-XXXX. |
[REDACTED] | His weak mortal body has been elevated to the next level. |
| [REDACTED] |
[REDACTED] |
[REDACTED] | Dear god, what have I done? |
