Per 
Item #: SCP-FloridaMan-J
Object Class: FloridaMan
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the immense size of SCP-FloridaMan-J, the entire state of Florida has been designated as the containment area. All foundation staff within Florida must be female and by no means are male staff allowed to enter the containment area unless they live there. All male staff that live in Florida must be under constant surveillance. If any male staff come under the effects of SCP-FloridaMan-J a female subjugation squad is to contain and question the affected personnel.
Due to the public nature of SCP-FloridaMan-J, initial containment is to be left to the police when it comes to the general public being affected. Depending on the severity of the action those affected by SCP-FloridaMan-J may be questioned by the foundation post-event for any clues on the whereabouts of the source of SCP-FloridaMan-J.
Description: SCP-FloridaMan-J is a highly volatile phenomenon where Human males within the state bounds of Florida are prone to committing strange, bizzare, heinous, or otherwise absurd acts that very from person to person in severity and type, usually during extreme circumstances with a severe lack of common decency. It is hard to explain exactly how this SCP works as a source has not been found, so several examples of the behavior of those under the effects of SCP-FloridaMan-J have been listed below.
-Being charged with assault after throwing an Alligator through a drive-thru window.
-Getting tired of waiting in a hospital and stealing an Ambulance to get home.
-Quitting their job at Burger King and stealing all their chicken nuggets for no apparent reason.
-Drinking goat blood in ritual sacrifice before running for senate.
-Vaping a friend’s [REDACTED].
-Ripping a urinal from the wall with their bare hands and running away with it naked into the woods.
-Walking through the rain naked in their neighborhood because they are aroused by it.
-Wearing a tutu while breaking into a farmers market to eat fruit and drink soda.
-Asking the police to help find their 18 foot long banana.
-Showing the police their mixtape instead of their drivers licence.
-Stealing a total of 850 pairs of underwear from Victoria’s Secret.
-Attempting to steal a chainsaw by stuffing it down their pants and trying to leave.
-Calling 911:
To talk about Hitler due to boredom.
To check on their tax returns.
To admit to drunk driving.
Due to an accidental butt-dial while cooking meth with mother.
To complain that his cat was not allowed entry to a strip club.
To get a ride home so they can change their underwear.
Over missing beer so many times that they are arrested.
80 times to demand kool aid, hamburgers, and weed.
To complain about how slow police officers write tickets.
To brag about big muscles.
-Twisting a child’s nipples off while babysitting them.
-Proposing to girlfriend with a ring tied to an alligator.
-Breaking into jail to visit friends.
-Leaving a job application behind after they rob a store.
-Burning down house for fear of Vampires.
Note: Site contained quickly but no actual Vampires found.
-Dancing on a police cruiser to ward off Vampires.
Note: After this a full scale Vampire hunting unit was dispatched. Results inconclusive.
-Constructing an active meth lab in their pants.
-Turning themselves in after killing their imaginary friend.
-Covering themselves in ash, calling themselves a 400 year old indian, then crashing a car.
-Attacking nephew over undercooked noodles.
-Attempting to steal 12 baby alligators by shoving them up their [REDACTED] to get past airport security.
-Attempting to steal 36,000 pounds of Crisco.
-Breaking into a McDonalds only to drink several gallons of frying oil and dying.
-Taking a hatchet to an ATM after it refused to take their check.
-Being arrested after having [REDACTED] with a tree and calling themselves thor.
-Trying to sell Iguanas taped to a bike and labeled ‘Dinner’.
-Becoming a pirate named Captain Silky Silvertips and firing an empty flintlock into the sun.
SCP-FloridaMan-J manifested in 1995 and news on various strange oddities committed by the general public caught the attention of the foundation. The headlines and actions were deemed to ridiculous and strange to be normal and upon further investigation the state of Florida was given SCP status. The source of SCP-FloridaMan-J is unknown and the investigation into the source is ongoing. Suspects include:
-Water and women.
-All those [REDACTED] Alligators.
-The FloridaMan Hivemind
-Bigfoot
-Batman
Note: Please take this list seriously people. Batman is fictional and SCP-1000 is still at large.
Addentium:
I don’t know why the foundation wont pay attention to this, but the dots are there! I’ve connected them! That’s why I’m writing this! It’s the Sunshine Act of 1991! Yeah I know, but it was enacted in 1995, the year this whole shitshow began! No, I’m not saying that’s the source! Well, I am, but this thing is NOT an SCP! The Sunshine Act makes it so that the police have to report to the news on all crime and occurrences meaning that the media keeps hearing about the ridiculous things people do. That’s why, despite ‘FloridaMan’ stories actually happening everywhere around the planet, you mainly hear about them in Florida! It’s nothing special it’s just a bunch of people with mental health issues and a [REDACTED] amount of cocaine! Yeah I know they’re completely off the walls with what they do but that’s human nature man it’s just us! Don’t you dare strike this from the record Jim! This is the truth! Isn’t that what we’re all about?! Dr. ██████
Note: This Addendum has been stricken from the record and Dr. ██████ has been removed. This anomaly is most certainly an SCP and we will continue to monitor it like one.
