Per 
Today Dr. Robertson told me that I needed to "at least catalogue that pile of junk in your desk, even the safe-slash-explained stuff." And I have to put it all into a locker, put a lock on that locker, and then I don't know, stick the key up my ass or something. Some of these might turn into numbered SCPs on review. So, without further ado,
A List Of Items Formerly Just Hanging Out In Doctor Intern Ophelia Sacks' Desk Not Messing With Anyone
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description: A marble, with a diameter of 2.7 cm, that changes color according to the holder's mood. Unlike a mood ring or other objects with thermoreactive coloring, the color corresponds to the holder's actual mood. Apparently found in a site director's daughter's stuff. And now it lives here in The Memetic Bullshit Bunker.
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description: A vase which, when not directly viewed, turns into the outlines of two faces. This ability was discovered when a guard reviewed footage of the vase. The "faces" don't move, and no other effects have been observed.
Doctor Intern Note: I have no idea how this counts as a memetic object.
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description: An "Apple iBoy," a hand-sized matte tan box that can render any game typed into its search interface, including high-resource-using modern PC games. A separate menu allows for advanced keymapping, and includes 24 actions that don't correspond to any common video game mechanics. Found in the pocket of a D-Class, whose request to keep it was denied.
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container or just leave it anywhere because it doesn't matter.
Description: A CD containing the album Darkest Wishes, a compilation of remixes of the Kanye West album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. None of the DJs listed on the album or in the liner notes have been identified, the catalog number doesn't match any musical release (or catalog number format), and contact with an intern at Roc-A-Fella Records has confirmed that the album wasn't produced by them. The CD includes 60 "bars" of rap performed by Kanye West that are also unlikely to be sourced. The album is considered "listenable" and "okay" by the D-class who have listened to it, unless they dislike Kanye West.
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description: A copy of the popular "how-to" book Spanish For Dummies that teaches fluent European Spanish to its reader within an hour. It does require an hour of concentration on the part of the reader, but a D-class referred to the time spent as "just flying by."
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description: A 1-terabyte USB "thumb" drive that can plug in either way on the first try. The outside of the drive is made of red rubber, and the brand is stamped Corsaore (sic). Why is this memetic? It just has some books on it. Is it because of the "usb ports suck" meme? I hate it.
Object class: Euclid Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container or small plastic bag.
Description: A spool of gold-colored metallic thread made of thin woven plastic. When unspooling, measuring or cutting the thread, the user experiences a sense of deep sadness about their own mortality, and about the concept of entropy in general. This effect ceases when the user is no longer manipulating or holding the spool of thread. Manipulating the spool with gloves on (latex, nitrile, titanium mesh) has the same effect, but the spool has no effect when contained by a small plastic bag.
Object class: Euclid Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description: A CD of the album Five Fingers On A Hand by the band Constellation Starfish. People who listen to it become interested in the spiritual teachings of the Fifth Church, a current Foundation GoI, but this effect is reversed by Class-C amnestics. People who look at the CD, handle it, or read the liner notes are unaffected; the CD only has a memetic effect when played in a CD player connected to a speaker or headset.
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description: A "standard" Bic pen, bearing an interrobang instead of the Bic logo, that compels the writer to use cursive handwriting, even if they have never been taught cursive. 3 of the D-class, all younger than 21, who used this pen were unable to read their own writing after they set the pen down. There is no effect unless the pen is being used for writing, specifically; D-class were able to draw a stick figure, a house, and a tree without interference.
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description:
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description:
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description:
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description:
Object class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Leave in locked container.
Description:
