DoctorManning

Forward: Sorry that this doc is badly written, but this SCP makes anyone who’s trying to write about him write very unprofessionally. Literally not anyone’s fault.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid, was once "safe" until we figured out how weird and unpredictable this motherfucker is

Special Containment Procedures: Y'all don't need to give this bitch shit, he already decorates his room; and he doesnt need food, so just keep that door shut alright?. Right now SCP-XXXX is in a regular humaniod cell with 5 x5x5 meter dimensions. unless one of the big bosses tell you you can don't visit the freak. He knows how to fuck with your head lol. If you do get permission to visit him tho, don't stay longer than fifteen min (though I"m sure you'd wanna leave before then). Any sorry ass at or above level 4 clearance can talk to him unless your a d-boy and doing an expermient. If you try to visit him without authorization, your ass will be grassed, bud.

Description: SCP-XXXX is… well we're not sure what his true form is. We don't even know if he's a he lmao. He found him in ████████, Kentucky in ████. Anyway, the motherfucker has the ability to summon any non-living object straight from nowhere. So far he hasn't summoned anything dangerous, it"s always stuff to decorate his cell. He's also a shapeshifter. He can't change the size of the room though. We think he has some kind of autism, cause he's always obsessed about something obscure and his logic is kinda screwy. O5 #12 keeps saying that everyone that tried to write the document about the little bitch can't help but make a shitty document. We told SCP-XXXX about this and he said he had no idea about this. "nearly entirely grammatically incorrect, crass as hell, unprofessional, and incoherent no matter how hard the poor doctors try," he said. He said we tried 17 times and I am their last try and then they're giving up. I don't know what the hell he's talking about though, I'm the best document writer on this fucking-damn site man!

We think Scp-XXXX changes what he looks like to keep us on our toes and to plainly entertain himself (he likes the confused faces we make when he shapeshifts to Nick Cage with massive tits idk]. Anyways, everytime we talk to him he's always obsessed about a certain obscure or not very well known topic, if it's not that fucking BalloonFest '86. Though every time we talk to the little faggot he always brings up BalloonFest '86 no matter what. (See the addendum for a partial list of all the things he shape-shifted into and the topics he talked to us about during his fifteen years so far down here.)

Lots of us don't think he wants to do any harm. In fact, he hasn’t done anything dangerous the whole time he’s been in Foundation custody. Since we found him he's pretty good-natured other than being mischevious with what he shape-shifts into and the objects he spawns around him. I guess this is just what the dude does to keep himself entertained while being imprisoned here. He's kinda like The Joker from the Batman movies. I think he thinks this whole world is a massive joke and he just wants to make the most out of it I think idk.

Note: Some of us recently asked the O5 Council if we can stop keeping SCP-XXXX in a containment cell, since the last thing we want is to make him bored to the point that he eventually decides to leave the cell himself.

Addendum: a partial list of discussed topics during interviews with SCP-XXXX, initiated by SCP-XXXX

• Interview 3: SCP-XXXX (in the form of Gordon Ramsay) brought up the fact that antifreeze tastes very similarly to Gatorade, and then started talking about BalloonFest ‘86. The interviewer asked him where he came from and he replied, “from my dad’s dick. Where else? Now where the fuck is my bloody lamb sauce?!”

• Interview 4: SCP-XXXX (taking the form of Nicholas Cage with enlarged cleavage) tried to educate the interviewer that most hidden treasures in the real world don’t involve complex traps and secret doors with intricate ways to open them like the movies typically portray. This time though, the interviewer tried to talk over SCP-XXXX’s little rant with some other questions about SCP-XXXX origins and his abilities. After thirty seconds, he got bored and stopped his rant to answer his questions. He said he was from Colorado and lived an average life. He said he doesn’t know how he got his powers, but he discovered them at the age of 3. He then abruptly began to talk about…You guesses it: BalloonFest ‘86.

• Interview 5: This time, the interviewer managed to be the first to say something, which he informed SCP-XXXX (who’s in the form of a nude Michael Jan Vincent with a clown’s removable red nose) that everyone’s having trouble writing about him in a professional manner, and he said he “honestly had no idea why that would be.” SCP-XXXX then summoned a cello and played the former Soviet National Anthem but with the lyrics of All Star by Smash Mouth. Throughout the song, the interviewer tried to interrupt his playing by asking questions relating to SCP-XXXX’s intentions and if the Foundation should be concerned about him having reality-bending abilities, but to no avail. Right before the interviewer reached the threshold of the door, SCP-XXXX quickly added, “By the way, BalloonFest ‘86 was wack.”

• Interview 6: As the interviewer entered SCP-XXXX’s chamber, he saw SCP-XXXX taking the form of a female anthropomorphic fox, with dragon dildos all over the floor. Before SCP-XXXX had the opportunity to say anything, the interviewer immediately exited and closed the chamber door. However, before he was out of earshot, the interviewer heard SCP-XXXX shout (with a female’s voice), “Sorry! I just wanted to see if that would turn you on at all.”