Per 
Item #: SCP-XXXX
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
The artifact is to be kept in a soundproof lockbox in permanent storage at Site-XXX(1). Personnel are to avoid interacting with the artifact. Personnel are to inform site director Dr. Farel immediately if sounds originating from the artifact's containment are heard.
Following the events of 2018-8-1, the artifact is to be held in high security Site-XXX(2) on a pedestal in a soundproof glass cage filled with nitrogen gas and equipped with microphone which can be toggled on or off by personnel with 04 clearance. The microphone should be left off by default. The artifact is to be assigned a handler at all times who can communicate with the artifact in complete privacy. The artifact is to be communicated with at least twice daily or informed of absences in advance. The artifact is to be housed in room no clear of obstructions of appropriate size for physical activity.
In the event of containment breach the artifact is to be unharmed. The artifact requires an accomplice or kidnapper to breach containment, whom are to be terminated on sight if observed leaving the facility. In the event of emergency such as an adjacent breach or natural disaster, the microphone is to be set up to switch on by default.
Description:
The artifact is a Mopar model 914HR transistor car radio with mild corrosion. The serial number of the radio appears to be scratched off. The interior of the artifact appears typical by all accounts. Investigation into the precise place and time of the devices making have yielded nothing definitive.
The artifact was originally discovered by a field agent in the town of Saginaw, MI, USA, on the date 2017-6-7 when a homeless woman attempted to convince passersby that it was an "alien" which "knew things about people." The agent initially dismissed the idea before being personally identified by a voice emanating from the artifact.
The voice is deep and monotone, while also vaguely energetic in tone. The artifact speaks in single sentences describing a specific person, rarely including their title or other specific identifying information, and an action usually perceived as bizarre, kinky, or mildly perverse. On occasion the action will involve seemingly normal behavior.
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Bantam
Foreword: Interview consisted of one supervised junior researcher asking a series of questions, attempting to engage in conversation, and holding up cards with images.
<Begin Log, 2017-6-24 18:23:48>
SCP-XXXX: KEVIN BACON TOUCHING TOES.
Bantam: Is that what you're asking to see?
SCP-XXXX: CHUCK NORRIS EATING PANCAKES.
Bantam: Umm… Are you able to communicate more clearly?
SCP-XXXX: LYNDA CARTER COMMUNICATING CLEARLY AS A FRENCH MAID.
Bantam: I'm going to hold up a series of cards to measure your ability to respond.
Bantam reaches into his pocket to withdraw the cards.
SCP-XXXX: JUNIOR RESEARCHER BANTAM HOLDING UP A CARD WITH A RED SQUARE.
Bantam: I haven't… I just pulled out the cards and the first one is red square.
<End Log, 2017-6-24 18:24:57>
Closing Statement: The artifact appears capable of comprehending both its surroundings and things hidden from its view, such as the order of the nearby cards. The artifact continues to make vulgar statements akin to demands.
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Junior Researcher Bantam
Foreword: Interview consisted of one supervised junior researcher performing a series of tests on the artifact's cognitive ability involving mathematics flash cards and a large coin.
<Begin Log, 2017-6-25 18:15:21>
SCP-XXXX: GEORGE CLOONEY CRYING ON TOAST.
Bantam: I am going to hold up some cards and I want you to answer them
SCP-XXXX: RACHEAL RAY FIGHTING A CLOWN.
Bantam: First card.
The first card was "2 + 2 ="
SCP-XXXX: SAMUEL L JACKSON CHEWING FOUR CANDY CANES.
Bantam: Yes, that's right, it was four. Next card.
The second card was "24 = 3x + 18"
SCP-XXXX: COURTNEY LOVE CUTTING TWO LAYER CAKE SLOWLY.
Bantam: Good, last card.
The last card was the integral of x^3 + 8 derivative x.
SCP-XXXX: A DWARF WITH FOUR HATS TIGHTROPE WALKING OVER FOUR GALLONS OF PUDDING WHILE EIGHT DWARVES WATCH.
Bantam: Not how I would have put it, but that's more or less correct. Next up I want to try flipping a coin, and I want you to guess heads or tails. Are you ready?
SCP-XXXX: JUNIOR RESEARCHER BANTAM FLIPPING HEADS, HEADS, TAILS, HEADS, TAILS, HEADS, TAILS, HEADS, TAILS, TAILS, AND TAILS IN THAT ORDER.
Bantam: Um… Okay. First one is heads. Second one is heads. Third is tails. Fourth is heads. Fifth is tails. Sixth correct… Seventh correct… You guessed every outcome. Can you tell the future?
[DATA EXPUNGED]
<End Log, 2017-6-24 18:24:32>
Closing Statement: The artifact can solve seemingly any level of math problem presented to it and has limited predictive ability. The artifact predicted pending actions by two members of the ██ ███████ at a specific time which have since changed.
[DATA EXPUNGED]
Following the second and third interviews, the artifact was classified as Euclid and given it's current strict non-interaction containment procedures.
Addendum 1:
The events of 2018-8-1:
During a containment breach on Site-XXX as a result of previously safe SCP-████, Site Director Dr. Farel hid in the permanent storage room 7 next to the lockbox of SCP-XXXX. The Foundation can infer Dr. Farel supposedly communicated with SCP-XXXX in order to recontain SCP-████ and ensure both of their safety as well as that of a number of site personnel.
Interviewed: Site-XXX Director Dr. Farel
Interviewer: ████████
Foreword: The debriefing of Dr. Farel following recontainment of SCP-████, personally conducted by ████████ following Farel's passing of a physical and memetic observation.
<Begin Log, 2018-8-2 08:43:41>
████████: Your recent report is missing several key details on how you were able to infer the position of SCP-████ and navigate the facility safely, as well as coordinate the survivors, most notably Junior Researcher Bantam.
Dr. Farel: Saving Jeremy Bantam was very important for the success of the operation, yes. I am afraid I am not at liberty to say much else.
████████: Someone is demanding your silence?
Dr. Farel: I can say that is not the case. I am voluntarily not saying about certain events occuring.
████████: You mean to say occurred, as in during the breach and recontainment? Or do you mean occurring as in right now?
Dr. Farel stayed silent.
████████: You were found holding SCP-XXXX close to your chest. Why did you remove SCP-XXXX from containment?
Dr. Farel stayed silent.
████████: You have to tell me something or I will demote you to D-Class. This site was your responsibility and these deaths can be attributed to your complacency.
Dr. Farel: I can guarantee that SCP-XXXX is cooperative and useful to the foundation, and if allowed to stay in contact with it in privacy I can continuously provide information not only about my site but about potential future breaches at any site.
For example, it told me to tell you [DATA EXPUNGED].
I promise you I will record anything and everything, the answers to all of your questions documented to be unsealed in the event of my death.
████████: We will see about your reinstatement as a researcher after the foundation finishes investigating your claims.
Dr. Farel: SCP-XXXX should be reclassified as Thaumiel! It wants to help us!
████████: The artifact disclosed secrets about our operation and several K-Class scenarios on multiple occasions. I consider these actions malicious. You will be lucky to ever see or hear from it again.
<End Log, 2018-8-2 08:52:12>
Closing Statement: Dr. Farel was placed in foundation custody pending investigation results. SCP-XXXX was recontained. Site-XXX resumed under direction of ████████ until an adequate replacement was prepared.
Addendum 2:
Following the death of Foundation Researcher Dr. Farel to cancer on 2019-1-2 it was discovered that the artifact is willing to make exclusive deals with foundation staff in return for actions performed at its request. Deals are among the longest communications on record for the artifact, while still the familiar format of [Party A] agreeing to [terms of deal] with "the radio." Terms of deals always include secrecy of the deal, exceptions, and punishment for breaking the deal; namely the artifact's refusal to cooperate in the future. Examples of requests include shirtless push-ups, kicking while wearing a skirt, and various actions involving foods; particularly foods high in sucrose. The artifact does not discriminate by age, gender, or appearance.
In return for reciprocation of demands the artifact will comply with requests made beforehand. The artifact has demonstrated the ability to ignore individuals aside from its handlers. The artifact has demonstrated precognitive ability at most two weeks into the future, and has on at least three occasions preemptively warned foundation staff about loss of life up to over 12,000 kilometers away, involving both contained and unknown anomalies related to foundation staff. The artifact rarely interacts unless given permission by its handler, but the artifact is known to greet anyone it has previously come into contact with including Bantam and any security or task force personnel encountered during the events of 2018-8-1.
The artifact has demonstrated the ability to respond with emotion on only one occasion.
Interviewed: SCP-XXXX
Interviewer: Dr. Bantam
Foreword: Three days after the death of Dr. Farel, and the subsequent unsealing of collected data, it was requested by Dr. Bantam to break the news to the artifact and negotiate a new deal.
<Begin Log, 2019-1-5, 12:15:20>
Dr. Bantam: Hello radio, how are you?
SCP-XXXX: JUNIOR RESEARCHER BANTAM TAKING THE RADIO AND WATCHING DOCTOR FAREL BE LOWERED IN A BOX.
Dr. Bantam: I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I'm actually Dr. Bantam, now, and I would like to make the same deal with you that Dr. Farel had.
SCP-XXXX makes an uncharacteristic soft muttering sound before remaining silent for the remainder of the recording.
<End Log, 2019-1-5, 12:30:01>
Closing Statement: Dr. Bantam had difficulties communicating after the initial statement and eventually ended the session. Another attempt was scheduled for the following day. Dr. Farel's funeral would not be attended by the artifact due to time limitations, but 05 council's ████████ did process the request favorably as soon as it reached their desk.
It should be noted that the artifact is not omnipotent: it cannot read minds, it has given no indications that it can solve certain problems or engage in research, and its advice is often vague and incomplete. The artifact's major value is that it can prioritize the life of its handler and associated individuals to plan out precautionary actions in great detail. Those plans even appear to account for inadequacies and accidents, such as entering a code wrong on the first attempt or physical inability to run a certain distance.
