Per 
Dr. Atherton: So.. Could you remind me how it went again?
Dr. Hubbard: Okay, so:
Item #: SCP-5671,000,000-J Oi! Oi! Don't you even dare fucking think about censoring me, [REDACTED]
Object Class: Ultra fucking badass super Safe Safe?? SAFE?? Fuck off with that shit you stupid bastard! Everyone knows I'm a badass super fucking Keter! What even are you? A Junior Researcher? Oh, bless! …But annoying.
Special Containment Procedures: You can't contain me, fuckers! What are you gonna do about it?? Jack shit is what you're gonna do about it! Yeah, initiate a lockdown of the whole site! Boo-hoo! Still can't stop me! SCP-5671,000,000, the super Keter+-J is to be contained within Senior Researcher ██████'s office at all timesYea-Wait.. Excuse me, wha-, and should be placed within the tray labelled "#003" when no testing involving the item is being undergone. Oh.. That.. That doesn't sound particularly difficult. But just you wait until you see my fucking awesome and devastating abilities!
Dr. Hubbard: //You know? The idea I brought up with you during the mass security breach back at Site.. What Site was it again? Was it Site ██-██ or Site ██-██?
Dr. Atherton: Site ██-██. And yes, I do recall you going on about making up, to quote yourself directly, "A jackass Meta-SCP that hates everyone and constantly interrupts the researcher until it comes to terms with how.. shitty of an SCP it is."
Dr. Hubbard: Yeah, you do remember!
Dr. Atherton: Unfortunately.
Description: SCP-5671,000,000, the super Ket.. Um, well.. Maybe just a regular Keter-J appears to be (and, for a matter of fact actually, it just is) an almost completely normal, ███████-Brand USB Stick, with 2GB of storage J-Just you wait!! Once you see what I can actually do, then you'll know! When the object is inserted into a functioning USB port, it functions identically to a regular USB Stick, of which the contents can be changed at will. Any.. Any second now! However, doing so will also cause the anomalous properties of SCP-5671,000,000, the.. definitely a Keter!-J to manifest. Here it comes! The definitive proof that I'm a super top-level threat!
